


Girl with tattoo

by WeAreTheWolves



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dancers, Endgame, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Martial Arts, Problems, Rude siblings, Searching for somebody, Tattoos, Technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 92
Words: 199,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreTheWolves/pseuds/WeAreTheWolves
Summary: Clarke is a student in the university and she has her art classes. As her assignment she have to bring some photos of event she’s been on. Her friend, Raven, takes her for tribal dancing night where they can see a group of marvelous women. One of them catches Clarke’s eye. She’s wearing a mask, so Clarke can’t see her face, but there’s something that distinguish her from the rest of the group. Blonde fall for the way she moves so she decides to find out who this girl is.





	1. Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> I has been reading all the clexa fanfics and finally I decided to create my own. English is not my native language but I will do my best to write as good as I can. I hope that you will like this story. I'll try to update every Friday and Tuesday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shall dedicate this whole story to the one and only professor, Miroslava S., who made continuing this possible. A year and a half with ancient Slavic languages made me realize how important it is to generally know them. And, to be honest, I shall thank her for making me realize that even if we are thinking that we know it all about how to speak our language... we're not even close to know them.  
> Thank you.

“The fuck, Raven?” Clarke quietly shouted when latina sat near her and seemed to be upset. “You look like shit”.

“Thanks, Clarke, I’m glad you can comfort every person that you’re meeting” latina snapped what made Clarke take one step back.

“What happens?”

“Broke up with Finn, thanks for asking” Raven spitted the words as if they were some kind of poison. “I’ve finally told him that he’s not the proper partner for me and… that’s it”.

“God, finally. I’ve thought that you will never break up with this asshole” Clarke sighed with relief.

“For fucks’ sake, Clarke, can you at least PRETEND to be upset because of my fucking lack of luck?!” Raven snapped, looking angrily at blonde. Clarke shook her head.

“No, I can’t. Not in this case, because, you know, he’s the one who always make you feel guilty about spending time with your friends or doing anything for yourself. You know that I’ve never liked him after what he'd done and I never will, so I am happy that you’re single and EAGER TO FIND SOMEONE WHO DESERVE YOU.”

“Thanks.” Latina didn’t seem to be very happy, but she knew that Clarke hadn’t got any bad intentions. She has been her friend from seven years on and she always tries her best.

“You’re always welcome” Clarke smiled. “And think what we’re going to do this night, because we certainly should go somewhere and party. And you should also think about telling Octavia about it and invite her. So, see ya!”. Before Raven had any occasion to response, Clarke disappeared while going to her classes.

***

“I’m glad to see your group complete this year. That make me sure that everyone have passed their exams in the positive way. This time I’ll give you some handouts with my requires and I’ll let you go. You know, first day of school, first classes, no one wants to actually learn” tall man in green cardigan and wide glasses on his nose said and some students giggled. Titus Newman, teacher of arts, the best professor that Clarke has ever met. She had smiled and took handout out of pile sended by Newman and she gave the rest to the next person.

“Holy shit” she whispered, as she noticed what’s on the paper.

“So, my tiny reindeers-” Yeah, Newman loved to call his students this way “-This year is mostly designated to photography and drawing. I think that you’ll all like it and I will be able to give you the best grades I can. And that they will not be lower than B’s. What should I tell you before I’ll let you go…?” He stoped talking just for the moment of thinking. One girl raised her hand and Newman pointed her out.

“Yes, miss Spencer?”

“Are we going to be separated? Like last year, you know, for groups? Because I think some of us are just beginners in drawing or photography and some of us not.” She asked and professor's face was lit by the bright smile.

“Great question and that’s what I wanted to tell you, deers. Yes, you will be separated. In the first semester we will take care about your photography skills so I’m going to give you a little homework for my classes”. Every person in class groaned. “But stay cool, it’s easy for now. And I won’t grade you. I just want you to show me what you already can do. Bring me photos of some kind of event. You can choose, this week is full of them. When you take the pictures, develop them and bring me to our classes next week. I think that’s all. Any questions?” No one raised hand, scared about another big work to do. Newman nodded his head and smiled. “Okay then, you can go.”

Everybody got out of the classroom and they started talking to each other. Clarke didn’t want to, so she pulled out her phone and texted Raven.

**Clarke: I’m done for today, how about you?**

She didn’t have to wait long for response.

**Raven: Give me about ten minutes and we can meet at the backyard.**

**Clarke: Okay then, I’m waiting on the bench.**

She walked outside the school and went straight to the backyards where some people was already sitting. Weather was cloudy, but there was no visible sign of raining possibility. Clarke sat on the bench and stared at the fountain. She thought about how was there last year and how strange their schedule was invented. Mondays and Fridays all the profiles had ten hours block of expert classes for their first-choice specialization (with breaks every two hours) and the rest of the week was planned for second-choice specializations. Clarke chose history and literature and Raven chose science. Her first choice was engineering. But, for Clarke, there was some kind of convenience — last year she was in the group of beginners in filming so she had classes only on Fridays. This year she heard that this will be changed, because they all had to have twenty hours of expert classes per week. She thought that they will be separated to two groups and they will be taught simultaneously.

Ten minutes later she saw Raven running towards her, making her stop thinking about schedule.

“Fuck, Sinclair gave us a mini lecture today. But, thank God, he was merciful enough not to make us sit there until six”. Clarke smiled when Raven sat on the bench.

“That was predictable" blonde said while she was looking at her friend. “But, you should tell me what you want to do this evening.” Raven frowned but remained silent. Clarke kept staring at latina so she was forced to finally say something.

“Okay, okay,let me think about it. How about… I don’t know, I will think about it and then I'll let you know?”

“Nah-" Clarke looked at Raven with suspicion. “-I know you. You're just saying this bullshit and then go home and sit while staring at the wall and thinking about what was good when you were with Finn. No way I'll let you do it to yourself.”

“Thanks.” Raven almost snapped at her. Latina shrugged her shoulders and just looked at blonde. “I don’t really know if I want to go out tonight. It's like… you know. Some kind of…”

“…mourning?” Clarke interrupted. “Sorry not sorry, I won’t let you sit and cry while there are people who can make you happy. Especially when I'm sure that Finn's not the one worth you mourning this relationship.”

“Hi there, what’s going on?” Octavia appeared out of nowhere and sat on the ground face to face with girls. “Something I should know?”

“Raven split up with Finn yesterday.” Clarke was so fast with her response that Raven barely could think about what she wanted to say. “And I recommended her to go somewhere in the evening, but she doesn’t think that it’s a good idea.”

“Bullshit.” Octavia snorted.“She certainly should go out tonight.”

“See? Told ya.” Clarke looked satisfied. Raven sighed and was not sure what she wanted to do. She looked at Octavia and Clarke and said nothing.

“But… what happened?” Octavia asked with curiosity. “What he's done that you finally decided to leave him?” Raven sighed one more time and shook her head.

“Well, it was all fucked up.” She assumed as if she didn’t want to talk about it, what was not true. She actually wanted to talk about it so badly. “But O., how’s your classes?”

“Don’t change the subject.” Brunette didn’t let latina to do it so easily, but after a while of thinking she added: “But it was fine, thanks. Gustus checked out if we’re doing good after the summer break. I would ask about you two, but I want to know what's between you and Finn, so don’t take it personally.”

“For now? Nothing. At all. I left him and I don’t want to have anything to do with this fool.” Raven said, looking at her friends.

“Can I ask why?” Octavia seemed worried about latina. “You know… I ask just because I supposed you badly fell for him and there’s no chace to change that. And now..”

“Yeah, I had the same feeling.” Clarke nodded, gently interrupting.

“He cheated on me and I caught him while he was fucking this whore Ontari.” Raven shrugged her shoulders. “I shouted at him that he's a fucking dick and I don’t want to know him anymore and just punched him in the face. I’m not sure, but I kinda broke his nose.”

“Yes.” Clarke threw her fist into the air. “Oh, I’m sorry. But I think it’s the best that can happen to you this day.”

“Thanks.” Raven didn’t seem to by extremely happy but she knew that after some time she would share this feeling with her friend.

“I think Clarke's right. You should go somewhere tonight.” Octavia looked at Raven and crossed sights with blonde. “And I want to know how’s your day been.”

“Nothing special.” Latina said. “Sinclair wanted us to listen to him for about half an hour before he finally let us go.”

“And I have homework to do for next week photography classes.” Clarke said what made two other girls to look at her.

“You said what?” Octavia seemed to be surprised. “You're talking about Newman? We have first day of school now.”

“Yeah, bizarre, I know.” Clarke sighed. “But he won’t grade us. He just wants to know about our skills.” She shrugged. “I have to take some pictures of any of the upcoming events. But I don’t really know what can I do.”

“I have an idea.” Octavia said. “Tonight there is some event that I actually wanted to see. I don’t know if you two want it too, but I think that there will be great opportunity to take some shots for Clarke’s assignment.”

“Oh, fine, what’s that?” Clarke seemed to be curious about this. Octavia always had great ideas and good taste in choosing events.

“Tribal Dance Night.” She said shyly, waiting for laughter, but no one actually laughed. Octavia raised her head and looked at her friends. Clarke seemed to be interested and Raven’s face was emotionless.

“Great idea.” Clarke assumed. “What about you?” She looked at Raven.

“I don’t really know.” Latina said. “It's…”

“Oh, come on, it'll be great! You have to relax. And O. just wanted to go, can’t we go with her?”

“Fine, okay. What time? I'll have to prepare.” Latina gave up.

“It all starts at 8 PM but I think we could meet at 7:30 PM and have some beer before, what do you think?”

“It'll finish about midnight or so, we have classes tomorrow.” Raven complained, but Octavia didn’t let her do this long.

“And I verified that we all have classes at 11 next morning. We can go and have fun and we can even get some sleep after.”

“Fuck, everything against me.” Raven snapped, but nobody cared. “Fine, I'll be there.”

“Okay. Don’t even try to trick us, we'll be knocking at your door at 7:15 PM and you will have to go with us.” Clarke smirked in the evilest way she could and Octavia nodded her head. Raven rolled her eyes, but her friends didn’t know that she was grateful for their attitude. And she thought that she wanted to go for this event. She promised herself that she, at least, will try to have fun.


	2. Tribal Dance Night

“I'm not sure if I want to go…” Raven was sitting on the armchair in her own living room and was looking at her friends. “You know… what if I…”

“What if you meet him? Or what if you meet somebody else?” Clarke asked, carrying her camera. She was fully prepared for going through her assignment for professor Newman's classes. Raven remained silent.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Rae! Just get out of here and have some fun!” Octavia shouted, but she was not angry, more like concerned. “You can’t sit there and mourn.”

“Tell me I can’t.” Raven snapped.

“You can’t.” Clarke looked at her in the most disappointed way she can. “I've got shit to do, get your ass up and out of here now or I will have to beat you up and then take yoy there.”

“Okay, okay, just… stay calm. I will be ready in five minutes, just… wait.” Raven gave up and went straight to her bathroom. Octavia nodded and her sight followed latina.

“You think she'll be fine?” Clarke asked her friend, but Octavia shrugged her shoulders.

“I have no idea.” She sighed. “But I hope that, at least, she will have some fun tonight.”

“Me too.”

When Raven went out of bathroom she looked better than earlier. She had her make up done, she was wearing black skinny jeans, black T-shirt and red jacket. Clarke smiled, so did Octavia.

“You look great.” Both told latina. “Now, can we go?” Octavia asked while looking at her watch. “It's already 7:45.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Clarke interrupted. “Just go.”

“O., technically... why this show?” Clarke asked while waiting for Raven who offered to bring them beer.

“I just wondered how it looks like.” Octavia seemed curious. “You know, it’s tribal and my ancestors… I don’t know exactly how to explain this.”

“Yeah, I got it.” Clarke smiled, looking at her friend. Octavia was tanned, slim and she looked like she's a member of tribe. Clarke was also curious about how that show would be.

“I have alco, gurrrrls!” they heard Raven who appeared out of nowhere and gave them beer. “We can start partying!”

“You take some shots, I guess.” Clark stared at latina suspiciously. Octavia nodded.

“Yeah, so guess I.” Clarke raised her eyebrow and looked at Raven. “A little more than just »some«.”

“Nevermind, just go. If she will be problematic, I'll give her hit straight to her head, tie her up to the chair or fence and check on her after the event. What do you think about it?” she asked Octavia and the girl agreed. Clarke smiled and took a sip of beer and, then, Clarke took out her camera when all three entered the place of dancing night.

They have never been on such an event. There was no regular stage, just few square yards of grass, fenced with ropes. Dancers had one enter and quite big area for performance. Four corners of fenced square were marked with big metal barrels with some kind of grill in it and people doesn’t seemed to know what that was for. Organizers in grey T-shirts were telling everybody that approaching to the barrels is prohibited. Clarke, Raven and Octavia found their place in the first range, they could touch the ropes of the fence and they were sure that the view will be incredible.

They noticed that one man entered the square and he had his microphone. He looked at the crowd and said: “Good evening everybody. I’m glad that I can welcome you at third Tribal Dance Night. Tonight there will be a lot of groups you guys already know, but we've got surprise for you. I hope you'll like what you’ll see. Have fun and don’t get too drunk!” He disappared and Clarke looked at Octavia. Octavia also looked at Clarke and then they glanced at Raven. Latina seemed to be already amused with beer in her hand. Clarke sighed.

But they couldn’t focus on Raven, because they heard voice of the leading guy: “At first, we will see the group of polynesian style dancers, The Tangaloas!” He shouted and the crowd started screaming. The barrels at the corners exploded with fire. Clarke raised her camera and took some photos of this group. Octavia looked amused and Raven disappeared certainly for another beer or two. Clarke hoped that she would not be completely drunk before the end of the party, because blonde actually felt great there and she wanted to see more. 

There was already after midnight and the party was going. Clarke had taken some good shots so far and she waited for more opportunity to take them. Octavia partied hard with some people that had accosted her with questions about her roots and Raven disappeared into the crowd, but not for long. Clarke pulled out her phone and she texted Raven, because she could see Octavia from where she stood, and blonde was standing at the same place she was from the very beginning.

**Clarke: Rae, where the hell are you? You vanished two hours ago!**

**Raven: Don’t bother yourself, I'm a big girl and I can handle myself. I’m fine.**

**Clarke: I hope so, don’t get raped. Are you all alone?**

**Raven: Nope. Now sorry, gotta go.**

Clarke shook her head and hid her phone. She looked around and realized that orgs appeared and were standing next to barrels with some kind of round metal plates now. She started thinking what they were for.

“And now, at the very end of our night, you will be able to see what surprise we have for you!” The voice of leading guy could be heard from speakers. Clarke raised her camera in order not to miss anything. She waited impatiently, but she didn’t even know why was that. “This is a new group in our town and they are amazing. Please, let’s make noise for… THE GROUNDERS!” he yelled and the crowd screamed so loud that Clarke closed her eyes for a second. She opened them and then the fire was out and there was complete silence, eyes of the crowd on the square.

Two men with torches were on the ground. Group of seven girls was following them and then the column was closed by another two men with torches. People with fire stood in four corners, in some distance of audiency, and the rest just got placed in the yard. Clarke raised her camera and checked if she had right settings before she started taking pictures.

All seven girls of the group, which Clarke assumed as dancers, were barefoot, they had skirts made of leather strips, shorter at the front, leather bras and, what surprised Clarke the most, they wore masks. Tribal masks and dark kerchiefs with silver pattern. Clarke was amazed even before they started dancing.

And when they started, she started taking photos but she tried not to miss anything. She especially noticed one of the dancers. This girl had a bit darker skin than Clarke get used to see in her environment, but the special thing that blonde noticed are dancers' tattoos. She had one tribal on her arm, just above her elbow, and a big one on her back. Clarke focused on her because of her movements which she found incredibly perfect. She had impression that this dancer was out of this planet, her hips, her legs, her stomach, her arms, her chest. Everything was so damn perfect and they was making THESE MOVES out of Clarke's aesthetic scale (but in positive way). She was certain that she loved this group, loved these dancers and she couldn’t take her eyes off this one girl.

And then, the girls with torches gave items to the rest. Girl with tattoos took two and another girl took the two that remained. They started to dance, only the two of them, with fire, and Clarke was amazed. She observed them with her mouth open and when she could see the perfect curves of the tattooed dancers' body, she couldn’t help, but sigh. And then, the dancers made their last moves and their fire died, thrown to the barrels full of water. Clarke wanted more, but she couldn’t say a word. Crowd was silent and The Grounders were out. Before Clarke realized that she could get closer to them and just try to talk to them, they were so fucking gone in the night. 

“Dammit.” Blonde snapped as she found out that she lost her chance. “Fuck my life. But I’ll find ya.” She promised herself as she started looking for Octavia to go finding Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys. I updated as I promised. I hope that you like it. :)  
> Thank you for positive feedback and all your kudos. And I hope to see you Tuesday for the next chapter!


	3. The new one

Next day Clarke was distracted, she couldn’t focus at anything but the dancer from the night before. She barely gave a shit about what her professor was talking about. Medieval times were not the most interesting when she had no clue who this girl was. She let her mind wander and at the end of the class she realized that she was sketching all the time. And she was surprised about WHAT she had sketched. The only thing she noticed was that this drawing wasn’t ended yet.

Blonde changed her place and prepared herself for next classes which was literature. Even before the teacher started, blonde noticed that in the classroom there was a new face. Clarke had never seen her before so she assumed that this girl was new in this univeristy. Blonde sized this woman up and smiled. She seemed to be shy, she was wearing a red and black crisscrossed flannel shirt, skinny jeans and black T-shirt or tanktop, Clarke couldn’t tell. Professor started classes but Clarke couldn’t focus on what he was talking about and she sketched, from time to time looking up at the brunette with unusual hairstyle. Her hair was braided in the extraordinary way. Clarke couldn’t focus on anything and she didn’t even notice when she flipped the page in her sketchbook and started drawing something other.

 

*

 

“Hey there, what's up?” Clarke was hit into the arm and she turned around just to see Raven and Octavia looking at her. “Um… everything's okay?” latina asked.

“Yeah, I think so, why are you asking?” she looked at her friends and held her sketchbook tighter, but she didn’t even know that she was doing it.

“You look… um… er… distracted?” Octavia tried to find proper word but she seemed to fail. “I don’t really know how to explain it.” Raven nodded, agreeing with her.

“No, I’m not.” Clarke responsed, but actually she knew that they were right.

“Yes, you are.” Latina looked at her suspiciously. “I've known you for seven years, I can tell when you're lying.”

Clarke sighed. Raven was right, she couldn’t hide that something was on her mind. But, even if she would agreed with latina, she didn’t speak a word.

“So?” It’s Octavia who killed the awkward silence. “What's wrong?”

“I've seen somebody yesterday…” Clarke started, but she stopped speaking. She didn’t know how to vocalize it.

“And...?” Raven waved her arms and has shown to the blonde that she wanted the next part of the phrase.

“And I don’t know.” Clarke snapped. Her shoulders were down, she didn’t look at her friends.

“You will tell us while we're eating, okay?”Octavia asked and Clarke nodded but she was not so sure if she wanted to talk about it.

They were sitting at the schoolyard, eating mac and cheese and talking with each other.

“So, do you notice that we have a newie?” Raven asked curiously. Clarke nodded and looked at her. Blonde felt grateful because she could change subject and upstage them from what they were asking about some time ago.

“You’re talking about the girl with braids?” Clarke asked, because she didn’t even know how to describe her in another way.

“Yeah, I suppose so. This one with flannel shirt.”

“That girl? I have never seen her here before.” Octavia pointed one person out of crowd and her friends turned their heads in order to look at her. Both nodded.

“Yeah, she have history and literature classes with me.” Clarke stated.

“No shit, I've got engineering classes with her.” Raven seemed to be astonished.

“Fuck my life, I met her in the sport club. She just joined handball and judo club. What, she's a fucking cyborg or a genius?” Octavia was shocked.

“Maybe she has got a lot of free time.” Clarke shrugged. “Or you’re right and she’s cyborg.” She giggled.

“Clarke, do I see clearly, you have your sketchbook with you?” Raven asked suddenly and Clarke tried unknowingly to hide it from latinas' sight.

“Yeah, I see it too.” Octavia looked at item that Clarke’s carrying in her hands. “Something unusual that she has sketchbook with her?”

“Cool, girls, this is just my sketchbook. I remind you that I STUDY ART, for fuck’s sake.” Clarke huffed.

“You bring THIS sketchbook-“ Raven pointed out what was hugged by blonde. “-you never touch this unless…”

“Unless WHAT miss I-know-everything-about-Clarke-Griffin.” Blonde seemed to be angry as fuck, but Raven didn’t even think about letting go.

“Something’s on your mind and is bothering you, am I right or am I right.” Clarke sighed when these words sounded into the open air of schoolyard.

“Maybe it’s something.” She shrugged. “But maybe it’s not, can we let it go?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Griffin, we can’t.” latina frowned, but Clarke was uncompromising. “I don’t wanna talk about it right now, okay? Just respect this.” She snapped and stood up. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see ya…” Raven said quietly while watching the blonde going away. “What the hell bite her?” she asked, but Octavia shrugged.

“I have no idea, but I think that might have something with this sketchbook you noticed. What’s with it?”

“When I first met Clarke she has it with her. She told me that she always bring it with her when something’s bothering her or if she is stressed about something. I suppose that nothing can really made her stressed so it could be only something that bothers her. You understand?” latina explained.

“Clearly.” Octavia nodded. “But how we can figure out what is that if she don’t want to talk about it?”

“We just have to take a look into this sketchbook.” Raven smirked and Octavia couldn’t help but had unpleasant thought that it could end not exactly the way they both wanted it to end.

 

*

 

“Rae, what the fuck is on your mind?” Octavia asked when Raven was trying to break into the Clarke’s dorm. “This is stupid, let it go".

“Don’t you want to know what is going on?” Raven glanced at O.

“Yeah, I want, but… I don’t know if it’s good idea. If she wants to tell us, she probably will. There’s no need to do such things…” O. wasn’t sure about Raven's idea. She was looking at her friend worried as fuck, considering what this situation could lead them to.

“Oh, shut up. You perfectly know that she’s not going to tell us soon.”

“Um, actually I’m not so sure.” Octavia stated, watching Raven entering Clarke’s room.

“Shut the fuck up and come on, before our little blondie come back.

O. rolled her eyes and followed latina. Clarke’s room was clean and the intruders had impression that no one was living there. Raven approached blonde's desk, waving at Octavia to shut the door.

 

“Found something?” tanned girl asked after ten minutes. She peeked at her watch nervously and prayed for Clarke not to come back.

“Here we goooo!” Raven sang, throwing up her fist holding the sketchbook they both saw few hours ago. Latina sat on the floor and opened it, finding the page with the most recent date.

“Oh, fuck.” Both of them whispered, stunned.

“You think she fell for her?” Octavia asked, but Raven pulled out her phone and took some photos of previous pages.

“I don’t know, but I think we have to get out. NOW.” She hissed, handing the sketchbook in Clarke's drawer. They heard steps on the corridor. Three minutes later girls were running across the schoolyard, straight to Octavia's dorm. They sat on the floor and took a look at photos that Raven's just taken.

“You know what’s it?” O. asked, but latina shook her head.

“A sketch?”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Tanned girl muttered. “WHAT IT TELLS US.”

“Okay, okay, easy.” Raven laughed. “It tells us that we need to talk with Clarke. As soon as it’s possible”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... there it is. Next chapter and I hope you, guys, liked it. Action is slow, I know, but that's something what was planned from the very beginning,so I hope you won't get bored. :)  
> I ask you for some feedback, comment and tell me what you liked or not, please. :)  
> And, obviously, thank you for all your kudos!


	4. Explanation

“Why you guys are staring at me like that.” Clarke barely asked when she hung out with her friends next morning before classes. Raven and Octavia didn’t say a word for a while and, when Clarke started to be worried, Raven had finally spoken.

“You got something to say?” she asked, but Clarke was surprised. “What you're talking about? I don’t have anything to say. Just simple, I don’t know… hello?” she didn’t really know what was going on and what was with her friends.

“Don’t make us mad.” Octavia asked, looking with plea at the blonde.

“What the fuck are you two talking about.” Clarke didn’t ask. She doesn’t even wanted to ask, she started to be pissed off.

“Can you explain us… this?” Raven grabbed Clarke’s sketchbook and opened it up and pointed at recent sketches. The last one was of this girl with braids, but that one Raven decided to take care of later. She turned the page and pointed at sketch Clarke drew at history classes the day before.

“No, until you two explain me why you even know that these sketches exist.” Clarke frowned, suddenly closing sketchbook and slamming Raven's finger. Latina shouted and she put her hurting finger into her mouth.

“For fuck's sake, Clarke, what are you doing, it hurts!”

“It should.” Clarke huffed. “For now I'm done here. I would know the truth about from where did you two gain knowledge what’s in my sketchbook. And now I have to go, I got my classes.” She turned around and goes to the building, leaving her friends alone and shocked.

“Fuck, didn’t I tell you it will end this way?” Octavia was pissed off. “She will never speak to us again.”

“She will have to.” Raven smirked. “If she wants to know, how we know about this sketches.”

“I gotta go.” Octavia sighed and went to another building for classes. Raven stood up and looked in the direction that Clarke went. “You better have good explaination for sketching this two hotties, Clarke.” She muttered.

 

*

 

Blonde was sitting in the classroom but she was completely distracted. Not because of the new girl that walked through the door in the sneaky manner as if she was wanted dead or alive. Not because of her clothes which were skinny jeans, converses, blue crisscrossed flannel shirt and black T-shirt with caption _I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it_. And it was not because of her extraordinary braided hair and the sun shining in them. Absolutely not.

She was distracted just because she figured out that Raven fumbled her stuff. For fuck’s sake, Clarke was so pissed off. “How she could…” she mumbled, but she didn’t finish the phrase as she raised her head and noticed that professor of international literature was staring at her in the unfriendly way.

“Am I disturbing you, miss Griffin?” she asked and Clarke shook her head immediately and blushed.

“No, mrs.Stone, I'm sorry.”

“I hope so.” The woman answered and she got back to her lecture. Clarke slipped a little on her chair, took out her sketchbook and opened it at the last used page. She stared at the drawing and realized that she perfectly sketched her new colleague. Up to that she didn’t even know her. She turned the page, took the pencil and let her mind wander with her hand doing notes of what it can see.

 

*

 

“DINNERTIME!” blonde heard from behind. She turned around and saw her friends. Octavia seemed to be a little tired and Raven looked… fresh? If she could use this word.

“I'm still mad at you. And you still not answered.” Clarke was still angry and looked unfriendly at Raven. Latina took sit on the bench and she filled her mouth with food.

“Choke yourself.” Clarke snapped, looking at her. Raven shrugged and then she answeres with her mouth full: “I love you too, sweetie.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and sat on the ground, next to Octavia who ate her sandwich and seemed to be upset. Blonde poked the tanned one and asked:“What’s wrong?” but Octavia remained silent.

“I think she is like this because of me.” Raven stated.

“What the fuck?” Clarke was puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“You asked us how we know what’s in your sketchbook.” Latina said. “And I must confess something to you then.”

“Yes…?” Clarke looked at her and crinkled her eyes. “What's that?”

“We were at your place yesterday.” Raven didn’t seem to be really sorry. “We were looking for this sketchbook and we finally found it.”

“Wait, you're telling me that you broke into my dorm and… THE FUCK, REYES, HOW DID YOU DARE?!” Clarke shouted in anger and stood up suddenly. She thought that they just picked up her sketchbook while she was gone for a while and now? The fuck?. “And you?” she yelled, looking at Octavia. “You were with her, right?”

“I told her that’s not a good idea.” O. tried to defend herself. “She didn’t give a single fuck about it.”

“What the... UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.” Clarke tried to go away, but latina had caught her wrist and forced her to stay.

“Clarke, listen to me. I didn’t mean to piss you off… at least not that much.”

“Not really good explaination and trying to excuse.” Blonde snapped, trying to break free.

“Try to understand. Something’s on your mind and I know that. And you didn’t want to tell me about it…”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it this time. Maybe I need some extra time, you thought about it?” blonde asked and latina shook her head while being upset.

“Clarke, I understand, I’m sorry. A little, but I am. And I want to help and support you so you have to tell me about this two hotties. AND I want to know WHY THE HELL YOU HID THEM FROM ME WHILE THE SKETCHES ARE SO FUCKING HOT AND AMAZING!” she yelled and this action made Clarke sit again.

“Reyes, what the fuck.” She just jested.

“Tell me about first one. About this braided new hottie in our classes we're bound to talk.”

“You mean this…?”

“This sketch where the girl doesn’t have face and is facing sketcher with her extraordinary ass.” Raven nodded and Clarke rolled her eyes while Octavia was giggling.

“Okay, get it. You can’t let go, do you?”

“No, you know.” Octavia smiled and Clarke nodded.

“Okay then. But I’m still kinda mad at you two, especially you, Reyes. You will pay for it.” Blonde threatened and Raven shrugged.

“Yeah, whatever. Tell me about her.”

“She’s the one from The Grounders-“ Clarke started looking at her friends. Both of them seemed to be interested. “-I noticed her because of her moves. I can’t tell why, but I had an impression that she’s better than her mates from group. I just could feel the emotions she was giving to audience. But only her. Okay, to be honest the whole group was amazing, but especially she was memorable. And, of course, she had those amazing tatoos…”

“Wait. THOSE tatooss? I can see only one.” Octavia interrupted and pointed out the dancer's back on the sketch.

“Yeah. She had some kind of tribal tattoo on her arm, but I can’t recall the shape of it.” Clarke seemed to be upset. “But I remember her tattoo from the back.”

“She has only the infinity sign on her back? It’s not extraordinary I think…” Raven didn’t sound convinced.

“Because it's not finished yet” Clarke said as she pulled off her pencil and started to finish her drawing by adding circles, straight lines and some daubs.

“Well, now that IS extraordinary.” Raven whistled. “Fuck, great. What I've missed.”

“A lot.” Clarke smiled. “And, for finish my story, I decided to at least try to find her. I wanted to talk with her and maybe enquire if she will agree to be photographed after the show… but they all disappeared so fast and I lost my chance. And that’s it. Are you two happy?”

“No doubt. You got crush on her.” Raven simpered and Clarke's fist reached her chest. “Uh, fuck, what?! I'm just saying the truth!”

“Go fuck yourself.” Clarke huffed.

“I think we can help you looking for her.” Octavia assumed. “It can’t be hard.”

“Thanks, O.” Clarke smiled in the most grateful way she could. “It means a lot for me.”

“You fell for her and you don’t even know what she looks like.” Raven looked at her blonde friend. “I don’t want to be rude, but, you know… what if she has big nose, crooked teeth and walleye?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Clarke snapped. “Just try to support one time.”

“Okay, okay. You know that I always have your back.” Raven smiled, raising her hands.

“I know, but I still hate you.” Clarke also smiles and makes a great group hug with her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... here it is. I hope that you'll like it and I'm impatiently waiting for your feedback.  
> Thank you for all the kudos you gave me!  
> Next week I'm on holidays, but, don't fear, when I will be back, I'll post three chapters, because I will be cut off of internet.


	5. Looking for

“What. The. Fuck.” Clarke was exhausted. She was sitting in front of her computer and was searching the Internet for some information about The Grounders but she didn’t find anything.  
“Wha… STOP!” Raven threw everything she had in her hands on the floor and ran towards Clarke to stop her while blonde continued hitting the desk with her forehead.  
“I will NEVER find her. You see? NOTHING.” She showed her desktop to latina to make sure that Raven was able to see that even uncle Google didn’t know “The Grounders".  
“WHAT? It can’t be phantom group. You are sure you saw them.” Latina started picking stuff from floor.  
“Yeah, pretty sure.” Clarke shrugged. “But Google is not sharing my certainty.”  
“But…”  
“What about that they are brand new group of dancers?” Octavia stopped at the threshold and looked at her friends. “Google doesn’t know about them because they don’t keep pace with their webpage or something?”  
“Seems legit.” Raven nodded, but Clarke was not so sure.  
“They are new, okay, I can agree, but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t got their webpage or, at least, funpage on Facebook.”  
“Ugh, you think that every group or celebs have their own funpages? Life is more than just Facebook, Clarke, maybe they are closed group who doesn’t want to flaunt?”  
Clarke rolled her eyes and started scrolling searching results on Google one more time.

  
“Eat something.” Raven started to insist when it turned out that Clarke ate nothing. Blonde shook her head and still looked at the desktop. “Clarke?”  
“Nah. I don’t have time.”  
“You will finally die because of fucking hunger.” Octavia scoffed. “Clarke, we will find them. You will see.”  
“I don’t believe it. They’re not…”  
“Guys, I have to go for a while… see ya!” Raven smiled at her phone and went out as soon as it was possible, even if Clarke and Octavia didn’t really know what was going on.  
Clarke shrugged and waved her hand at her and turned back to her screen. “Fuck this shit, I can’t do this.” She groaned. She stared out of the window but finally she closed her eyes and what she had seen was this special dancer. Her body moving, her tattoos dancing with her in the light of the fire. Special dance with the torch and her tribal mask lit by fire. Clarke sighed.“

Found'em.” Octavia stated suddenly, forcing Clarke to stop dreaming about that girl. “Take a look.” She said, approaching to blonde, sitting next to her and handing her phone to Clarke. On her screen there was a photo of The Grounders. Clarkes' eyes enlarged and she took the phone out of O.'s hands.

“That’s them!” She squeaked with joy and her eyes blinked with excitement.  
“Yeah, I know.” Octavia smiled.  
Clarke starts to flick through all the photos and finally she squeaked louder than previously. “That’s her, that’s her!” she had yelled happily and started to jump on her chair.  
“Hey, keep calm.” Octavia smiled and looked at Clarke. “And try to figure out what’s her name.”  
Blonde started checking it, but after a while she turned sad, her shoulders declined.  
“What’s wrong, Clarke?” O. asked.  
“They are not marked.” Clarke stated. “I can’t tell what’s her name. The only thing I know is the name of the group AND THAT’S NOTHING FUCKING NEW!” she yelled.  
“Clarke, you do have crush on her.” Octavia laid her hand on blonde's shoulder. “You have to chill out.”  
“How can I chill out, O.? For fuck's sake I can’t think about anything but her.”  
“Maybe we can take a little bit of distraction here.” Octavia sighed. “Tell me about that hottie with braids. I can smell the chemistry that you're sending her.”  
“I don’t think that it’s good idea to talking about it without Raven.” Clarke shrugged. “You know, she may want to know too.”  
“Her problem that she decided to leave before this history, sweetie.” Octavia smirked. “Now, tell me.”  
“That’s nothing so special.” Clarke shrugged. “She’s new and I find her interesting. She doesn’t seem to talk to anyone, she’s always alone and… quite pretty.”  
“I think so.” O. smiled while looking at Clarke. “If she wasn’t you wouldn’t have drawn her.”  
“Totally.” Clarke nodded. “Sometimes I catch my thoughts when they are wandering around her. I don’t know what’s going on, because every time I catch myself on thoughts that kind I feel bad because I can’t help with this dancer. And I hope that I will find her.”  
“Oh, I see.”Octavia smiled. “We will find her. Now only you can do is… maybe try talk to this girl?”  
“I don’t know if it’s good idea. That dancer…”  
“You can’t focus only on this one, Clarke.” Octavia said, looking at Clarke a little bit worried. “You closes yourself on others because you want only the dancer. And I can see that you’re not indifferent when it comes to conversation about our braided newie.”  
“I don’t really know, O.” Clarke shrugged. “I can’t take my shit together.”  
“Are you sure that you checked all these pictures?” Octavia changed the subject.  
“There are only few of them. All the dancers always have masks and their faces aren’t visible. I'm stuck.”  
“Well… I'm so sorry.” Octavia was trying to comfort blonde, but Clarke didn’t even know what she was supposed to feel right now.  
“Look at this one.” Octavia showed her picture of the dancers. Clarke smiled, but nothing more. This pic didn’t give her nothing new about this group and that girl. “Hey, what about your photos? Can I see them?”  
“Oh, yeah, of course. I'll have to bring them to studio and develop them. But… yeah, sure, you can.” Clarke seemed to be little distracted.  
Clarke pulled off her camera out of her bag and she connected it to the computer. She opened folder with photos and opened files.  
“I warn you that I don’t even know how they are and I’m not so sure if I have any talent for doing this so… don’t laugh at me, please.” Clarke peeked at Octavia, trying to find proper folder on her HDD disc and she moves the photos on it.  
“I won’t. If you can take photos at least at half as you can draw… then those will be masterpieces, I’m sure.”  
“Staph, please.” Blonde chuckled. “I'm awful at this, I can’t even hold the camera still…” Clarke shrugged and she named the folder as “TDN”, and then she showed the first photo to her friend. Octavia nodded her head, appreciating Clarke’s work and they continued flicking through the photos.  
“This one is… holy fuck, great.” Octavia whispered astonished. Picture had shown them silhouette of the dancer with tattoos. Fire was raging, her figure was lit by flames, her tattoos were shining. All her body was dark, but, what was barely possible, the art on her skin was brighter than actually her skin. Clarke seemed to be in love with this picture. She didn’t even think about what she was doing when she unwinded the list and set that photo as her wallpaper.  
“We certainly HAVE TO find this girl, Clarke.” Octavia said, but she didn’t even look at blonde, because she couldn’t take her eyes off this amazing photo.  
“Yeah, O. I know.” Clarke nodded.  
“If you can take photos like that to a girl you don’t even know, then I'm curious how amazing and breathtaking photos you can take when you love somebody.” Octavia started to wonder. “You know… I didn’t feel the same thing as you when I saw this girl, I didn’t even know if I felt something that moment… but I do know now what you felt. I see this photo and I can feel what you felt. You understand?”  
“Yeah, I suppose so.” Clarke was happy that somebody had appreciated something she did. “Thanks.”  
“You're welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I found the possibility to share this chapter with You, guys. Now I'm on holidays and I will try to update next tuesday.  
> I hope that you liked this chapter and thank you for all your kudos and, obviously, thank you for 1000 views! I'm so glad about this. :)
> 
> And, also, I'm sorry for all mistakes, I uploaded this chapter via my phone and I don't know if it will work.


	6. Show

“Okay, Clarke, the fuck.” Raven stared at her while Clarke was still looking at one point in the void.   
“No, Raven, what the fuck to you.” Octavia said. “You disappeared for A WHILE yesterday. And I didn’t even know that “while” lasts several hours.”  
“Ugh, O., stop. I don’t want to hear it right now. As you can see, we have problem with this cuttie right there.” She pointed at Clarke.  
“Yeah, I know.” Octavia snapped. “ Because she told me so yesterday evening, when you've been, just reminding, gone.”  
“Okay, Clarke, I've got some news for you.” Latina said, ignoring the tanned one. “The Grounders will be tonight at Growl.”  
“What?” Clarke raised her head, leaving her sketch and abandoning staring at the void. “What did you just say?”  
“Ugh, it will be a way easier when you at least TRY to listen to me.” Latina huffed.  
“Yeah, like you were so eager to hear what I had to tell you yesterday when you've been gone?” Clarke scoffed and Octavia giggled. Raven blushed and then she shrugged.  
“Okay, maybe I fucked up, but I had something to do, I’m SORRY, okay? Like, seriously.”  
“O don’t believe you, but okay, let it be.” Clarke shrugged. “Now, what did you say about tonight?”  
“That I'm wondering if you deserve to hear this information.” Latina smirked.  
“Oh, go fuck yourself.” Clarke huffed.  
“I heard that she mentioned something about The Grounders at Growl tonight.” Octavia whispered. “Wait, it seems like they are some kind of travelling group. They performed during Tribal Dance Night, they will perform today… and, maybe they will have some shows after and then they will pack themselves and go to another city.”  
“Don’t you dare talking this bullshit.” Raven snapped. “For fuck's sake, if she won’t find and at least look this girl in the eye, she will be out of life.” Latina pointed at Clarke. Blonde seemed to be eager to go somewhere. And they all knew exactly where she wanted to go.  
“I suppose she will be happy if she can speak to her.” Octavia shrugged.  
“But figuring out how her face looks like will be fine too.” Blonde smiled. She hid her sketchbook and pencil, packed her bag and stood up.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Raven asked, looking at her suspiciously.  
“I have to go to my dorm and get prepared?” Clarke raised her eyebrow.  
“No? Octavia has her match today. We're going, you remember?”   
“Oh, fuck, I totally forgot, I’m so sorry, O.!” Clarke yelled.  
“Okay, nothing happens. At least… if you will come.” Octavia smiled.  
“Are we going to Growl then…?” Clarke was distracted. “Or…?”  
“Yeah, sure, we can make it.” Octavia smiled. “I have to go, match is in hour and a half. You two better be there.”  
“Sure we will.” Clarke waved her hand and smiled. Raven approached her, caught her wrist and looked her into the eye.  
“What you’re thinking of?” she asked curiously as blonde remained silent.  
“I don’t really know.” Clarke shrugged.  
“I've heard that you two found this group on Facebook, but on their photos there aren’t unmasked people and they are not marked, is that right?” she asked and Clarke nodded. “Okay. Tell me more about that time I was gone.”  
“Rae…”  
“No, please. I want… no, I need to know.” Raven insisted. “I’m your fucking friend.”  
And Clarke told her everything. Her conversation with Octavia when they talked about this dancer. The talking about the flannel-shirt-hottie. Raven nodded.  
“Okay. So we are stuck. No ins, no outs in that point.” She pondered. “The only point is to go to the Growl and figure out if you can talk with them personally after their performance, right?”  
“I think.” Clarke shrugged. “I hope I can talk to them.”  
“You fell badly, lil lichen.” Raven stated. “For fuck's sake, you damn hot-ass dancer, you better be worth this effort.”  
“She will.” Clarke smiled with certainty out of nowhere.

 

*

  
“GO, THE FUCK, GOOOOOOOOO!” Raven screamed while on the playground Octavia rebounded the ball and she went for their opponent’s basket.  
“Hey, don’t be so crude. It's just a game.” Clarke tried to make her friend quieter.  
“And so we have to cheer them on! We don’t have fucking cheerleaders!” she yelled. “YEEEEEEEEEEEES, SLAM DUNK!” She threw her fist into the air and Clarke smiled while she was clapping her hands. Octavia was good. Damn, she was so good in basketball. Two points after two points. There was a time when Clarke envied her friend her abilities, but time passed by and she discovers that she doesn’t really want to be great in sports. She was good in art and she was happy because of it.  
“OCTAVIA, GO!” they heard low voice from the last range. Raven and Clarke turned around just to see big, well-built, bald, tanned guy.  
“Oh, I think our friend has a stalker?” Rae said.  
“Nothing really new.” Clarke shrugged. “She is quite popular here, you know. Especially when she is leading our team to… VICTORY!” Clarke threw her fists into the air and hugged Raven tightly when arbiter was whistling for the end of match which team from Clarke's university, Warriors, had won.  
“For fuck's sake, we have so much to drink for tonight!” Raven squeaked and Clarke smiled. “Let’s go to grab our victorious bitch!”.  
They finally got to Growl. Local was quite crowded and friends could barely reach some free space. Octavia disappeared, searching for some alcohol. Clarke and Raven took bar stools and they grabbed one extra for the one that was missing.  
“I'm back, bitches!” tanned girl came back. She brought beer and gave it to their friends.  
“Congrats one more time, O.” Clarke grinned.  
“Nothing special, just a match. I played the best I could, but for now...I’m a little worried because we're quite far from stage.” Octavia waved her hand, and took a look at the local. “BUT THERE ISN’T FUCKING PLACE.”  
“O., keep calm. We can handle this.” Raven said as she was looking at the stage. “We can see them grom there now, so we will be able to reach them after.”  
They were sitting at the table, slowly sipping their beers when the lights went out and the only source of light were candles on the edge of the stage.  
They heard clapping and could finally see three men and seven girls. Women wear leather bras, skirts (mid length with longer back) made of brown leather and belts made of some kind of fur. Clarke hoped that it was artificial. They also had masks, but this time that were tribal animal masks. On their wrists they had a lot of bracelets, at least six of them. One dancer had only beautiful body paint. Clarke suspected that this was THAT ONE dancer who ain’t got no jewelry.  
They started to dance to the rhythm of their clapping hands. Three drummers started tapping their drums and set the rhythm. Dancers started their performance for good and everybody's eyes are on them.  
Clarke was looking at the one dancer she was interested in. She found her at the very beginning when all of performers did their first move. She didn’t have to see her tattoos or know that she has bodypaint to distinguish her. Clarke just knew that this girl is the one.  
Everybody was watching with their eyes wide open. Performance was amazing. They were telling some kind of tribal story with their special dance. And, suddenly, all dancers congeal. One of them confidently stepped forward and started dancing her own solo. Clarke fell for this dance. She could look at the one with the amazing tattoos, lit only by flames of candles. Her body was moving perfectly to the rhythm of the drums. Every motion was deliberated and fit perfectly to the performance. Every step was subtle yet confident and Clarke had known that this dancer knew exactly what she was doing and what were the reactions on her art that she was presenting.Blonde was so amazed that she couldn’t take her eyes off the dancer. She had an impression that her tattoos and her special body paint were telling another story than her body, that they were living their own life just because of tender shimmering on her inked and painted skin, but they were connected at some point. This girl was spreading special kind of aura that was hard to explain. Blonde could feel danger from the furthest of countries, she could feel motion of hunters and tension of lions. She could feel something that she had never suspected to exist. Everybody was mesmerized, especially Clarke.  
In the end of the performance Clarke had irresistible feeling that this dancer danced especially for her. She felt mysterious warmth spreading through her veins. She knew that it couldn’t be possible because of the fact that this girl didn’t see her, that was for sure. Apart from that… she didn’t know her, but it was not big obstacle to Clarke who was staring at this dancer nearly with love. Finally the girl blew out the candles and all the group disappeared in darkness.  
Clarke has been so mesmerized that she didn’t wake up from her dream before Raven poked her. “Hey, sweetie, wouldn’t you want to talk to them?” she asked and Clarke stood up immediately and, saying nothing, disappeared into the crowd.  
Ten minutes later she was back.  
“And?” Raven asked hopefully.  
“I was fucking late. They are gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, here it is. :) I hope you like it.  
> I'm coming back thursday, so friday I will update from my computer again, I hope that there wasn't so much mistakes in this xhapter and the previous one.  
> Thank you for all your kudos and all your hits and I also ask you for comments, either you like it or not. ;)  
> Take care!


	7. Problem

“Okay, for sure, I don’t have fucking idea how could I miss them so much.” Clarke snapped at Raven, but she was not looking at the girl. She also skipped her history classes, so did Raven with her science. She knew that professor Kane wouldn’t be happy because of her attitude, but if he knew what’s happening with Clarke, he would appreciate latina’s behaviour.

“And I have no fucking idea why you’re skipping your classes.” Raven shrugged, looking at Clarke. “Be merciful, sweetie, you can’t get depressed only because you can’t find one girl. Even if she’s so damn hot.”

“Rae, you’re no helpful.” Clarke groaned, turning into burrito in her own bed. “Get out of here.”

“No chance.” Latina crossed her arms. “You have to explain this all to me. I’ve seen your wallpaper and now I know that you fell badly for her. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“No, you’re not.” Clarke sighed and latina let victorious squeak out from her throat. Clarke shook her head.

“I said so.” Raven grinned. “But, Clarke. You have also the second hottie, this one with braids who has classes with me and with you. This lonely cyborg, you remember?”

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke waved her hand. “I’m not interested in her…”

“Stop bullshitting, sweetie.” Raven interrupted her. “If you were not interested in her then why have you sketched her?” she asked, looking at Clarke suspiciously. Blonde sighed one more time and remained silent. “Clarke?”

“Talk to my hand.” Blonde waved her hand.

“What the actual fuck.” Latina looked like she was beaten up. “Why don’t you go and talk to this hottie with braids? She is wearing crisscrossed flanel shirts and tanktops, for fuck's sake! You should go and just ask her if she mind you fucking her right here right now!”

“Stop being crude, Reyes!” Clarke snapped. “And I remind you that I am actually looking for other woman…”

“OOOOOOH, YOU FUCKING CUNT” Raven cried out. “Can we just assume that this hottie with braids and your extremely hot dancer that makes you wet only because you’re looking at her is ONE AND THE SAME PERSON?”

“No, we can’t.” Clarke stated in the most calm way she could. Raven was bewildered.

“Why.”

“Because it will suggest that she's a damn cyborg?”

“Didn’t we etch it in stone?” Raven raised her eyebrow looking at Clarke.

“I know, but still.”

“Okay, but… she likes history and literature, she is good at engineering and she feels good in sports. If she likes this much things maybe… only maybe… she also likes… I don’t know… dancing?” Raven suggested and Clarke sighed.

“Yeah, and her day have like 50 hours.” Clarke snorted. “Because it should, if she wanted to even eat, sleep or do anything that's elemental. Stop being ridiculous, this one and the dancer are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Didn’t you see that this one from our classes is extremely shy and this one from the tribal group is fucking out of scale when it takes to be confident? Are you blind? End of talking.” She dropped the subject.

“AAAAAAAAAAARGGH!!!” Raven screamed. “I FUCKING HATE YOU!”

“Yeah, I know.” Clarke shrugged from under her cover. “Nothing new.”

“I will finally kill you.” Raven facepalmed and sat on the edge of Clarke’s bed. “And you will feel it with all your body. YOU WILL…”

“Is that a sex proposition.” Clarke mumbled and Raven couldn’t help but hit her right in her head.

“No, it's not. The only person you will have sex with is this damn dancer or, if I finally convince you, this hot braided brunette.” Raven stated.

“Stop, for fuck's sake.” Clarke groaned. “I'm sick of your ideas. Just… go. Get out of here.” She snapped.

“I told you: no chance.” Latina shrugged. “AND TELL ME WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SKIPPING YOUR DAMN CLASSES.”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about this dancer. And I can’t focus on anything.”

“You have shit to do.” Raven huffed. “Like, be real, you have your photos to develop…”

“Shut the fuck up!” Clarke shouted. “I don’t want to go, okay?”

“Fuck.” Raven pulled out her phone and texted Octavia.

**Raven: O., we've got a problem.**

**Octavia: What kind?**

**Raven: Hornessed Clarke.**

**Octavia: Hornessed? The fuck?**

**Raven: Horny and depressed. Get your ass here, please, if not, I will kill her immediately.**

**Octavia: On my way.**

**Raven: Thanks. Waiting**.

“Maybe she will be able to do something with you. Maybe some kind of… I don’t know, tie you up to the radiator and keep punching you to the point when you will finally open your eyes and understand that you should try talking with our new classmate instead of endless thinking of this damn hot dancer.” Raven stated while looking at Clarkurrito in blonde's bed.

 

*

  
“WHAT is going on, why I am not supposed to attend my classes because I HAVE TO BE HERE.” Octavia popped into the room and jumped over threshold. “What the fuck is with you, Clarke?”

“I want to die.” Clarke groaned with face dig in pillow. “Get the fuck out.”

“No.” Octavia and Raven answered simultaneously.

“Why.” She whinned. “I don’t want to live.”

“Yeah, nothing new.” Raven pecked without smile. “Tell us something we don’t know.”

“Wait. You want to spend all day here?” Octavia was puzzled. “No fucking way.”

“You have nothing to do with it. Go away.” Clarke gave up on looking at her friends.

“I will kill her too.” Tanned one sighed, smirking to Raven.

“I know. We have to do something. RIGHT NOW.” Latina said and Octavia nodded.

“Clarke. You are depressed because of…?” O. looked at Clarke, but she could barely see her from under her cover.

“I can’t find her.” Clarke said silently. “And I never will.”

“For fuck's sake, Clarke, don’t overdramatize every-fucking-thing. Get the fuck up from your bed and try to live without thinking about this damn dancer! God!” Raven pleaded, rising her hands into the ceiling.

“You're atheist, Rae.” Clarke groaned and latina's hands declined. She looked defeated.

“AND I AM PRAYING TO YOUR CEILING. MAYBE IT WILL BE SO NICE AND FALL DOWN AND KILL YOU SO I WON’T HAVE TO.” Raven shouted.

“Hey, how about you're not killing anyone, Clarke out of bed and we will all go to the competition… our university organizes judo competition, we can go and cheer up our judokas?"

“Great idea.” Raven nodded.

“I don’t want to go anywhere.” They heard Clarke’s voice, but they didn't gave a fuck.

“Shut up.” Latina snapped. “You’re going with us. Right now. GET PREPARED.” She shouted and she started to pull out blonde out of bed.

 

*

  
“I don’t wanna be here.” Clarke crossed her arms and raised her shoulders to cover her cheeks. “Can I go back to my dorm?”

“Shit, no.” Raven rolled her eyes and gave her blonde’s camera.

“Please?” Clarke tried again.

“Answer's still no.” Raven was uncompromising. “And let’s get closer to the tatami. It will be great. And you will practice your art of shooting.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll do. Especially when I will be able to practice while shooting you. With my new Gattling.” Clarke frowned. “Go fuck yourself and your fucking ideas.”

“What's wrong with you?” Raven stopped and turned around, wanting to see blonde's face.“We’re only trying to make you forget for a moment of that girl and you…”

“And WHAT if I don’t want to forget?” Clarke snapped. “Rae, I want to find and talk to her, not…”

“Oh, shut up, blondie.” Latina interrupted her and caught her wrist. She started pulling her closer to the tatami as she firstly said. “You won’t anyway, so… just shut up and have some fun. Not for you, then for us. And, also, you don’t have Gattling.”

Clarke sighed and rolled her eyes, but she approached and sat in the first range. “I don’t have any idea what are we doing here, but fine, I’ll watch the first fight and, if I wouldn’t be amused, I’ll go to my dorm, okay?” she asked hopefully and Raven sighed.

“Yeah, we can agree. But trust me, you will sit until the very end.” Octavia said.

“I doubt that.” Clarke crossed her arms, but Octavia and Raven had evil smiles on their faces. “What?”

“Look, who’s fighting first.” Latina pointed tatami and Clarke’s jaw dropped.

It was this girl with braids. She wore white kimono and brown belt. She was barefoot, she bowed before the tatami what was incomprehensible for Clarke, but she didn’t care. She just looked at this girl, looking totally amazing in this suit. Clarke assumed that her tanned skin perfectly distinguished of white kimono tunic. She got onto the tatami and turned around to see her opponent.

“O., there’s only our judokas or…?” Clarke heard Raven asking.

“Not only ours.” Octavia answered. “But look at her, she already has brown belt and she’s like… 20 years old? 19?”

“I don’t even know, but she must be damn good.” Raven assumed, but Clarke barely heard that. Her eyes was only on the girl.“

"What the fuck is wrong with me that I think she’s so hot in this kimono” she asked herself as quiet as she could. She raised her camera and took some shots.

She was watching the fight with her jaw dropped and camera ready. She noticed that arbiter was also a little bit surprised because of her skills. Her new classmate defeated her opponent in blue kimono in not even five minutes and won because of one throw she made. She caught her waist and in the wink of an eye she threw her above her hip, hitting the tatami. Arbiter raised his hand straight to the sky.

“It means ippon.” Octavia stated. “She won immediately.”

“Yeah, I could see.” Raven nodded. “Clarke, how…?”

“Don’t disturb her, you see that she’s in another world.” Octavia giggled while looking at Clarke’s amazed face. “She WILL be here until the very end.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” Raven grinned and her tanned friend chuckled.

 

*

  
“Oh my fucking god, she’s incredible!” Clarke shouted to her friends. The competition had been lasting for couple of hours and Clarke seemed quite amused. There weren’t a lot of people, but some came for cheering up.

“Yeah, she is.” Raven agreed. The girl with braids won every fight she was into so far. There was the last one fight approaching — her and the one judoka from other university. Clarke noticed, when they both appeared on the tatami, that the opponent of her favourite had black belt and seemed to be angry. Blonde didn’t even know why was that, but she hoped that the girl with braids would cope with everything. She took some shots of the fighters when they met for the first time.

Arbiter started the fight and participants approached. Girls started to encircle each other. Clarke jumped out of her seat just to see better. Raven and Octavia caught her and made her back to her place.

“Keep calm, sweetie.” Raven whispered to her as they were watching the fight. It was on par but it was highly visible that their classmate had better technique. Clarke could see how she was thinking about what kind of throw she want to do. Finally she chose some kind of chokehold and she started to make it real.  
It was pretty clear situation and this girl in blue kimono was near to be defeated when she punched the one in white kimono in the face what was prohibited, but arbiter didn’t noticed it, because the one in blue kimono did it quickly while knocking over her opponent. Girl with braids set her teeth and started trying to get rid of her opponent, but she couldn’t just because that in blue kimono was much heavier than her. After 20 seconds arbiter marked end of fight and victory of the one in blue kimono.

Girl with braids stood up, blushing and slightly setting her teeth. She bowed before her opponent, even when the other one didn’t. Arbiter pointed the girl in blue kimono and appointed her as champion of this competition. Clarke and her friends groaned when the girl with braids went out the tatami, turned around, bowed before the mat and went away. Winner of the competition grinned and went out of the tatami, not giving a fuck about bowing like her predecessor.

“I’ll go talk to her, guys.” Clarke stated, looking at Octavia and Raven. “I’ll be right back.”

“Better not.” Raven smiled and nodded. “Go.”

Clarke ran after the girl with braids who had been treated so unfairly, but blonde didn’t find her. She was still holding her camera and she took some extra shots of the environment of this event and, when it turned out that she was there all alone, she returned wondering how it’s even possible to disappear so fast.

“And?”

“Like always, Rae.” Clarke shrugged. “I’m sick of situations like this.”

“You really like her.” Octavia winked.

“I really don’t know her.” Clarke sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there it is. Clarke is a little... unlucky here.  
> Thank you for all the kudos you left, I'm glad that you like it. :) and I hope that you liked this one chapter.  
> Please, give me some feedback, I'll be so grateful for that. :)  
> Also, see you tuesday!


	8. Talking

Monday morning Clarke had her photos developed and she went to her classes well-prepared. She developed one of these photos (sure, this one that showed the dancer from behind) twice and the copy she stuck into her sketchbook, on the other side of cover.

“Okay, lil’ deers, let’s see what you have for me.” Professor Newman never gave a shit about starting with greeting. He always started just like that.

Big part of class blushed and started to mutter because they didn’t believe that presentation of their »art« was necessary. Professor Newman shrugged and reached out his hand, waiting for photos. “Let’s go, I don’t have all day.” He snorted with laughter when he saw all the people blushing just because he required a few photos. “And please, sign them.”

Clarke shrugged and she signed copies and gave her work to professor. Newman thanked her and he picked photos from everyone and told them to sit down.

He started to look at their work. Some people laid themselves on desks and covered them with their arms. Some of them slipped under the tables and didn’t even want to look at the teacher. Clarke sat on her place and just waited. She was indifferent about everything that was going on. She felt vibrations and discretely pulled out her phone.

**Raven: Wazzup?**

**Clarke: I’m waiting for Newman’s opinion. And what about you?**

**Raven: I’m sitting next to the BHWYNTF and just wondering if I should talk to her.**

**Clarke: The fuck? BHTWYNTF? Rae, stop being idiot.**

**Raven: Braided Hottie Whou You Need To Fuck.**

**Clarke: You’re an idiot. I’m surrounded by idiots. I’m out.**

**Raven: But Clarke!**

Clarke didn’t answer, she hid her phone and sighed, trying not to facepalm. She looked at her teacher and she noticed that he was separating their work on two piles. After some time he looked at them and his eyes were shining.

“Okay, I will present you the results.” He stated and started to mention names of people who would have to attend classes for beginners. Clarke, of course, wasn't among them.

After some time Newman let them for break, but when Clarke wanted to go out, he called her and she approached to him.

“Something’s wrong, sir?” she asked, hoping that nothing is wrong.

“No, miss Griffin. Actually… it’s all great. I would ask you… is that all your work? Nobody helped you?”

“No, sir.” She stated, shaking her head. She was positively taken aback because in Newman’s voice there wasn’t any trace of disappointment. “Why are you asking?”

“Because these photos are the best photos I’ve ever seen on this classes. At least… at this level. And they are quite… original, you see. I received photos from recent match and judo competition. Also some pictures from private parties and pool parties, but you chose to do your homework early enough and you chose Tribal Dance Night. Great idea and this photo?” he raised the one that Clarke had on her wallpaper. “Stunning. They’re the best work I received this time and I think that you should be the example for the rest to follow.” He stated and Clarke blushed.

“I don’t think so…” she tried to be modest, but teacher interrupted her.

“But I think. Can… Can I hang this in this classroom? Or make some kind of roll up with this one?”

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke didn’t mind. “I have all these photos on my pen drive I can lend it to you, sir.”

“It would be awesome, I’ll go immediately to the printer’s room and after break I’ll give you back your drive, can we do this?”

Clarke shrugged, pulled out pen drive of her bag and she gave it to her professor before she even think about it. Newman nodded and let her go to break. Clarke got out of her classroom and she hung out with her friends.

“How’s your day so far?” Octavia asked when she finally saw Clarke. “Why Newman let you so late?”

“He wanted to know if I wasn’t cheating with my work.” Clarke answered and Raven’s eyes widened. She gave up on eating in that moment and she looked at blonde.

“He would like to know what? Is he crazy?”

“He stated that my photos are great and he wanted to know if anybody have helped me.”

“And you said…?” latina looked at her friend suspiciously.

“The truth?” Clarke raised her head and glanced at latina, raising her eyebrow. “It was all my work and I wanted him to know that.”

“Good girl.” Raven laughed and she took a bite of her sandwich. “You know, what? You’re really great at taking pictures. Why wouldn’t you take some shots of me, Octavia or this hot one attending our classes?”

“Screw you.” Clarke snapped, unwrapping her salad to eat. “I’m not interested…”

“Yeah, we all saw it yesterday.” Octavia chuckled. “That you’re not interested at that hottie in kimono. Apart from your eyes shining when you were staring at her and your jaw dropped on the grass… yeah, you stayed cool all the time, Clarke.”

What could she say… true. It was true as fuck.

She waved her hand and she started eating. And after that there was only a silence.

“I talked to her.” Raven stated after their classes. Clarke looked at her with surprise and Octavia giggled because of blonde’s face.

“What?” Clarke couldn’t get the word out. “You did WHAT.”

“I talked to her.” Latina repeated. She crossed her arms and looked at her friend. “And you know what? She’s nice. Very nice. And also very, very shy.”

“So?” Clarke shrugged. “I told you…”

“Shut the fuck up. She’s a person and you wanted to talk to her yesterday, so maybe you should just listen to me and O. and go there–“ she pointed the entrance of science building. “–find her and talk to her.”

“But I…” Clarke tried to say something, but this time Octavia interrupted her.

“I think that Raven is right, at least... this time.” She said. “You should, at least, try. Yesterday you forgot about this dancer and now? Now you don’t want to even try to talk to this judoka. And we all had seen that she was treated unfair by this one in blue kimono. You…”

“Okay, okay.” Clarke raised her hands to give her friends sign that she was giving up. “I will go talk to her, right?”

“You have pretty chance.” Raven pointed behind Clarke. “She’s there. Go.”

"By the way, Rae..." Clarke hesitated for a second. "What's her name?"

"Um..." Raven froze. "Fuck, I don't know. Really, our conversation was short and... concrete, yuo know, we were talking about some engineery shit and..."

"Okay, nevermind." Clarke sighed. "I'm going."

Clarke had no choice but to go, so she went there and approached the girl. She wore black skinny jeans, dark grey tanktop and she had crisscrossed red flannel shirt. Clarke accosted her and the girl jumped and turned around a bit nervously, not looking straightly at blonde.

“Can I help you?” she asked so quietly that Clarke barely heard that. She started considering if everything was all right with that one.

“Wha… oh, yes, I… I…–“ she interrupted. Girl was silently standing in front of her, and Clarke didn’t know what to do. She told off herself and she made herself to get her shit together. “–I just wanted to say hi and… I saw your fights yesterday, on the competition.” She stated.

“Oh, um… you were there…” she still didn’t look at Clarke, but Clarke didn’t mind.

“Yeah and I was so amazed because of your great skills! You should’ve totally won it! I just can’t understand why the hell arbiter didn’t see that you’ve been hit into face!” Clarke was talking and she noticed that this girl hugged her books tighter to her chest and she blushed. “But, after all, I think you were amazing and I hope the next time you will win.”

“Erm… thank you.” The girl tried to be polite, but in her voice Clarke could sense some kind of… shame? Maybe it was that. “But… I… I have to go. It was nice to meet you.” She said and, before Clarke could say anything else, the girl with braids turned around and she was gone.

Clarke raised her hand and yelled: “My name’s Clarke!”

But there wasn’t any answer and the girl disappeared.

“Holy fuck, what’s wrong with me.” blonde snapped at herself and she came back to her friends.

“Why are you so grim?” Raven asked as she saw Clarke. “What happened?”

“Nothing I  have to tell you about.” Clarke snorted.

“Was she rude to you? Unfriendly?” Octavia asked, trying to get to Clarke. Blonde shrugged and shook her head.

“Nothing like that. She was very kind. And, as Rae have said before, extremely shy. She didn’t even look at me.”

“Don’t take it personally, she doesn’t look at anybody she’s talking to.” Raven smiled, comforting Clarke. “Maybe we should go for some beer? Let’s go to my place, we will be able to sit and just talk.” She suggested and O. nodded eagerly.

“Yeah, great idea. And maybe we can think about some kind of plan.” She offered.

“Let’s go then.” Raven grinned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're approaching where we want to. :)  
> Thank you for all your attention, kudos and bookmarks!  
> Also, please, give me some feedback, because I don't really know if you like it or not.  
> See you all friday!


	9. Party

Night was eventful. Octavia, Raven and Clarke was drinking drink after drink, beer after beer and at 3 AM they were like drunk as shit. Clarke sat on the chair and tried not to hit the table with her forehead, Raven was trying to dance to metal music, but her dance looked more like epilepsy attack than actual dance and Octavia was the only one who was at least a little sober. She drank comparative amount of alcohol as her friends, but her head was tougher than theirs.

"Can we do something other than drinking and talking about my dreams of this dancer?” Clarke asked eventually, when she regained her balance on the chair and she finally sat straightly, at least for one moment. Raven stopped dancing like paralytic and reeld, trying to sit on her chair. When she failed, she leaned and laid her hands on Clarke’s back, what was damn stupid, because blonde lost her balance one more time and she hit the table. Octavia was fast enough to catch her and save her from injury, but Raven lost her balance even more than Clarke and just fell onto the ground.

“Fuck this shit!” She cried out and she crawled to the sofa and sat on it. “Clarke, why would you stop talking about your love interests.” She barely asked, because she had not got any strength to even try to remember that there was something called intonation when people want to ask.

“Because it makes me sick.” Clarke answered and Octavia shook her head. “I don’t wanna know…”

“WHERE YOU BEEN OR WHERE YOU’RE GOIN’, BUT I KNOW I WON’T BE HOME AN YOU’LL BE ON YOUR OWN…” Raven started a song, but it died pretty quickly. “I don’t recall the text.” She said with the sheepish voice.

“Thank god.” Clarke raised her body suddenly and she gave the low bow to the ground. “I can’t stand you singing.”

“Fuck you. Maybe we will talk again about this dancer you love?” Raven asked, trying hardly not to fall down from sofa.

“I don’t love her, I don’t even know her. I just find her…”

“Hot? She’s making you wet every time you even think about her, AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT.” Latina shouted and Octavia couldn’t help but giggled.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL KILL YOU!” Clarke yelled, but she was so drunk that her body didn’t response her in the right way. Blonde sighed and stayed where she were.

“What about we will play something?” Octavia asked, looking at her completely drunk friends. Raven had the worst head for drinking, she assumed, because Clarke, even if she couldn’t move normally, still have some sober thoughts. “For example… truth or dare?”

“She is not ready to stand from…” Clarke muttered, pointing at Raven.

“WATCH ME, YOU BITCH!” Raven babbled, trying to get her ass out of the sofa, but she failed one more time. She hit the floor with enormous crash. “I’m okay, thanks for asking.” She snorted after a while when Clarke and Octavia kept laughing out loud. Raven eventually sat on the chair and leant on the table. “Now we can play.”

Octavia started and twisted the bottle. Its neck pointed Raven and she rolled her eyes.

“Truth or dare?” Clarke asked, giggling.

“I’m so fucking done with eating raw eggs…” Raven sighed, mentioning their last truth or dare game. “I choose truth this time.”

“Did you kiss somebody recently?” Octavia asked immediately. Clarke glanced at her with small doze of disappointment.

“Hey, I wanted to think about the question.” She stated.

“But I’m kinda curious about that.” Octavia shrugged. “So, Rae?”

“Yeah, there was one girl… in the bar. I make out with her.” Raven said hiccupping. She caught the bottle for the second time and she wanted to twist it again, but Clarke laid her hand on Raven’s to stop her.

“WHAT. Tell us about that.” She looked her friend into the eye.

“But about what?” Raven seemed distracted. Probably with alcohol.

“Girl in the bar. You kissed with her. You’ve said that about minute ago.” Octavia poked latina and approached the table with curiosity on her face.

“Fuck my life, did I say it out loud?” Raven seemed like she turned sober at the moment.  
“Yeah, you did. And you will fucking explain everything out loud as well.” Clarke stated, looking at her. Raven was a little nervous.

“Sooo… she was at the bar on the Tribal Dance Night. We kissed. And so.” Raven muttered and her friends sighed. It seemed to be hard to hear something usable from latina’s mouth.

“Okay. Something happened later?” Octavia encouraged her.

“Euh… we’ve kinda met once or twice…”

“And?” Clarke waved her hand just to make Raven speak more.

“Aaaand… we’ve nearly slept with each other, but it’s nothing. Can we keep playing?” she asked and she immediately caught the bottle to twist. Clarke threw the item on the floor, between Octavia’s feet. Tanned girl caught bottle and kept it safe in that place.

“Hell, no. Start fucking speaking.” Clarke seemed so curious that she could kill her friend so she could know everything.

“But what?”

“EVERYTHING.” O. seemed to be very amused of this situation.

“Well, fuck.” Raven muttered and Octavia chuckled.

“With specification, miss future-engineer.” Clarke stated, staring at her.

“Fuck my life.” Raven snorted with bad poker face on her face. “Can we talk about…?”

“No.” Clarke and Octavia interrupted her, so latina couldn’t have any choice and she had to talk about her adventure.

“Okay… I met her when I was gone for beer on the Tribal Dance Night.” She shrugged. “I brought the alcohol for you, I saw the first performance and I returned to the bar. I found her sitting alone at the bar so I decided to talk to her. She bought me a shot or two more, we talked. It was great time and finally I told her that I have to go, but I didn’t want to. She smiled to me and she kissed me and suggested that we may go together to the last performance if I want to. She didn’t seem to like these dances but she offered me some time together and she was so damn good kisser that I agreed. And we went to the ground just for looking at the dancers… or we thought it would be that way. I could see you and O., I saw the dancer you mentions every time you can, but finally we ended up making out in the corner of that arena everybody was on.”

“And you told us nothing?” Octavia asked surprised.

“Clarke had a problem, so I didn’t want to put more shit in the pile of shit.” Raven shrugged, taking one more shot, probably for courage for her story. “And when I disappear I… I was meeting her.” Latina blushed.

“Okay, you’re forgiven.” Clarke sighed. “But… can we at least know what’s her name?”

“Anya.” Latina said with smile in her voice. “Her name’s Anya.”

“At least you know that.” Clarke giggled, recalling that conversation at school. She decided that if she still would talk to the girl when she finally will be sober, she will ask her about the brunette’s name. And maybe, just maybe, about something else.

“Can we keep playing?” Raven asked hopefully and her friends laughed.

“Yes, of course, we can.” Octavia said and she put the bottle on the table. “Let’s go.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter and we're inevitably approaching to som kind of vortex. I am a little bit crazy today, because I have to make everything in my university closed and give my index to fucking office, but I forgot the index, so... wish me luck. XD  
> And I hope you liked it. As usual I'm grateful for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments that you've left. And I ask you for more feedback. :)  
> Take care.


	10. Latina's girl

Clarke woke up with horrible hangover. Her head hurt like she had a pack of cattle inside. The sun was brighter and the world sounded louder than usual. Clarke groaned and she covered her head with pillow. She refused to the idea of going to school this day and she put across her hand for reaching bottle of water. She couldn’t even take a single sip of the liquid because her phone rang out loud and the noise that it made was tremendous. She glanced at the screen and she noticed that it was Raven calling her.

“What.” She groaned and immediately made her phone call more quiet.

“I'm suffering too.” Raven sounded worse than Clarke expected she would. “But I call you to ask if you have some aspirin. I've run out of this shit.”

“I suppose I have.” Clarke whispered. “You can come at my place, but please, don’t be loud.”

“I won't.” Raven assured her. “I would have probably died because of being loud, so I can promise you to be careful and as quiet as shit.”

“I'm waiting then.” Clarke ended call and sighed. She stood up and tried to go to the kitchen, but she got irritated after a while. She looked at her carpet and her feet. “Fuck, do you two really HAVE TO be so loud?” she groaned, but she hadn't got any chance not to move and in the same time find aspirin. She shut her eyes, squeezed her nose base and she went to bathroom where she have her first aid kit. She found aspirin, went back to her bedroom, laid aspirin box on the table and she sat down on chair, waiting for her friend.

A few minutes later she heard silent knocking at the door, but she didn’t say a word. Raven entered and Clarke glanced at her. Latina had no smile, black shabby long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans. The major part of her face was covered with big black sunglasses.

“You look like you're dying.” Raven whispered, probably looking at Clarke.

“You look like you're already dead, babe.” Blonde responsed with no sarcasm in her voice. “Here, I found it.”

Clarke took two glasses and filled them with water. The sound was torelable, but when she threw two aspirins into the water, the sparkling noise was unbearable.

“Ugh, fuck, why so loud.” Raven frowned on and she made the distance between her and the glass bigger.

“I have no fucking idea.” Clarke shrugged with pain on her face, but she decided to stay at her place. After some time she just grabbed the glass and drank everything it was filled with. Raven approached and she did the same with the second one.

“Fuck my life.” She groaned and finally took her glasses out. Clarke could see her red eyes.

“Rae, have you slept at all?” blonde asked, looking at her friend with concern.

“Yeah, couple of hours but I still feel like shit and we have to go to school.” She slightly nodded.

“We don’t have to.” Clarke stated, but Raven shook her head and her ponytail waved.  
“I have to, so do you.” She said. “I have my science classes and today we have big test from last year. And you… you will probably meet this one who you were talking to yesterday. You know, this one with braids. Hot judoka. Remember.”

“Fuck off.” Clarke laid herself on the table. “I'm done with your comments, try to stop them or I'll be rude anytime I will recall Anya's name.”

Raven didn’t answered.

“Anyway –“ she stated after a few minutes of silence and when she peeked at her watch. “ –we have to go. Get prepared.”

“I don’t know if it’s good idea.” Clarke remonstrated. “There is so bright outside and I…”

“I have an extra pair of sunglasses for you.” Raven shrugged and pulled mentioned item out of her pocket. She gave it to Clarke and blonde nodded. She went out of the room to go to bathroom.

 

*

 

“Fuck my life.” Clarke mumbled so quietly that nobody could hear her. She didn’t removed her glasses so everybody could notice that something’s wrong with her, but none of them actually reacted.

Clarke took a glance of the class, that class where she had her classes with professor Newman, and she noticed that something's new appeared. It took her a few minutes to realize what was that, but she finally noticed it. The big wallpaper, scale 1:1. Printed on photography paper of a great quality and stuck to the wall as giant sticker.She froze for a moment, but she finally realized why this photo is here. Professor Newman's request from her pendrive.

Clarke blushed when she realized that her teacher made a real-size poster and she blushed even more, when she noticed that he scanned her signature, inversed the colours and he situated it in the corner of the photo. She was convicted to see the hottest of asses, the greatest of bodies and the most amazing of the tattoos she'd ever seen for the rest of the day. She couldn’t help but stare at the photo and she barely could resist sighing.

She was suffering during classes and she was so done with her life because of her hangover and the picture when she finally was free. She could do anything she wanted, headache nearly vanished and she was out of the building when she saw her friends with another person. Clarke was surprised but she decided to approach and ask who was that woman.

She wanted to go, but there was something that interrupted her. Somebody has poked her into her arm and she turned around to assure that she felt it, in case it wasn't accidental. She saw the girl with braids, with her eyes staring at the ground standing in front of her. Clarke was surprised and she wasn’t sure if she poked her or not.  
The girl had grey flannel shirt, dark blue T-shirt and skinny black jeans. Clarke couldn't take her eyes off her.

“Can I help you?” she asked like the girl in front of her had done when Clarke first accosted her.

“I… I was just wondering…-“ her interlocutor interrupted but Clarke gave her some time.

Girl took deep breath and, without looking at Clarke, she asked: “Itwasyouwhotookthisphotointheclassroom?”

“Pardon?” Clarke’s eyes widened. “I'm sorry, I can’t…”

“I wonder… if that was you who took this picture hung in our classroom?” she asked one more time. Clarke blushed.

“Yeah… but I know that I can’t take really good pics…” she started excusing, but the flannel girl shook her head.

“No! I… Um… I like it.” She stated, surprising Clarke totally and blushing what blonde found adorable, even if she couldn’t see all her face. “It's unusual. And… I don’t know… it's good.”

“Thank you.” Clarke grinned. “I… I tried to do my best.”

“You did.” Flannel girl raised her head a little, so Clarke could see slight red blush on her neck and cheek. Girl looked at the group of Clarke’s friends.

“Um… I… would you mind going with me to meet my friends?” blonde asked, pointing the group that her interlocutor was looking at.  
Girl turned anxious at the moment. She took a deep, nervous breath and she shook her head.

“No… erm… I think… I don’t want to disturb…” she stated worriedly.

“You won't…”

“Clarke, I’m sorry… I… I gotta go.” She muttered and, before Clarke said something, the girl was far enough that she couldn’t hear anything. Clarke took a deep breath and she smiled. This girl remembered her name. What’s more, she called her by her name and she noticed that she did it in the most unusual way. Clarke had never heard her name said like that. She loved the way the brunette vocalized the “k” with little click. It was great to hear that.

Clarke sighed one more time and she noticed that Octavia was waving at her, so she went into that direction.

“Hi there, what's up?” she asked when she was close enough. She sounded better than earlier, but she didn’t dare to remove her glasses.

“Hey, Clarke.” Octavia smiled, looking at blonde. “All right?”

“Has been better.” Clarke shrugged. “Oh, hi, I'm Clarke.” She smiled to the woman who was standing next to Raven and she outreached her hand. Woman also smiled and she squeezed blonde's hand.

“Hi, l'm Anya.”

“Anya?” Clarke’s eyes widened and she glanced at Raven who blushed. “THAT Anya? Oh fuck, I'm glad to finally met you.”

“Behave.” Raven hissed. “Sorry for her…” she started to explain the relation between her and Clarke, but Clarke interrupted.

“She's been talking about you for days and we are happy that we can finally get to know you.”

“Me too.” Anya smiled. Clarke assumed that she smiled in the lovely way, but she also knew that It would be better for her to see the flannel one smiling.

 _You jerk, staph._ She scolded herself.

“How about going out together?” Octavia asked and Raven blushed one more time. It seemed that she didn't want to go anywhere with her friends.

“It would be nice, how about you, Rae?” Anya asked latina. Raven nodded.

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke had an idea.

“Yes, sure.” Anya smiled.

“What kind of relationship is between you two?”

Octavia grinned, Raven became a little smaller and Anya laughed.

“Alerted friends.” She grinned, hugging Raven. “We're together.” She stated.

“I wanted to tell you today.” Raven muttered.

“Great.” Octavia raised her thumb. “Now, we can go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, what will be next?  
> Thank you for all your kudos and bookmarks and, also, comments! I'm glad that feedback is so positive. :)  
> Take care. ;)


	11. Bonfire

Clarke spent really good time with her friends and Anya. It turned out that this girl was funny, she loved talking and spending time with people. She was outgoing and extremely self-confident, what was more, Anya had no problem with their humour and she adapted to the new company. Clarke assumed that she was perfect for Raven.

Blonde excused and she was out earlier than the rest, because she can’t let the memory of conversation with girl in flannel shirt get out of her head. She repeated it again and again and she thought about what she has done wrong and what made this girl escape so fast. And she was angry because she had not even remembered that she wanted to ask about her name.

Clarke resolved that she would go for a walk to the forest where she found a few places to stay. It was the year before and Clarke wanted to check if these places were fine.

She went to the forest and started wandering. She always liked places like that: calm, quiet and totally out of civilization. Campus was far enough not to be heard and this was the only place where Clarke could escape and hide her from everybody, even her friends. But there was something that Clarke couldn't escape at all, even there.

Her thoughts.

She was moping around, trying to recall the view of the dancer she spotted on the Tribal Dance Night. She tried to understand, why she was so keen on her and why she wanted so badly to get to know her. Raven was right at some point: she didn’t knew how she looked like. And she was just enchanted by her. She was under the spell of her moves and love that she put into the dance she did.

Clarke leaned and she rested her forehead on the tree trunk.

“Why I fell so bad?” she asked herself. Clarke sensed the tears leaving her eyes and flowing through her cheeks. She didn’t want to stop them, she had enough. She recalled the view of the girl with braids talking to her this morning. She pondered, why the girl was so shy that she didn’t want to even look at somebody she was talking to.

Blonde started walking again. She wandered between the trees she took a few deep breaths and she wiped away her tears. She had to be strong. There wasn't time and place to be weak and to cry. She knew that and she promised herself that she will find this dancer.

Suddenly Clarke stopped. She looked around and she noticed that she didn’t know where she was. She took another deep breath and she smiled hearing some voice.

 _Yeah, okay._ she thought. _Civilization. I will find the civilization and then I will find a way to my dorm._

She followed the voice. After few seconds she heard that there wasn’t only voice. There were voice and the sound of acoustic guitar. She approached more to the trees which were covering the singer, but she stopped when she finally heard the voice clearly.

It was female voice, loud enough to hear, but quiet enough not to disturb the natural sounds of the forest. Little smoky, little hoarsen, pretty self-confident, this voice was amazing. And the guitar… they harmonised perfectly. Clarke didn’t want to disturb and ask for the way, so she stood like a stalker and just listen.

_I don’t wanna know where you been or where you're goin', but I know I won't be home and you’ll be on your own… who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? Who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep? Who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone? Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning…? It ain’t me…_

Clarke grinned unknowingly when she recalled the memory of last night at Raven's. Latina couldn’t sing the whole refrain because she forgot the lyrics, but this girl could sing it just from the bottom of her heart. Clarke was amazed because of her technique – she was playing the guitar, but sometimes she was interrupting with just tapping to the rhythm on the wood of its box. Clarke nodded her head and she didn’t open her eyes. She was just listening when  the song changed.

_Waiting for the time to pass you by, hope the wind of change will change your mind. I would give a thousand reasons why and I know you, you've got to make it on your own, but we don’t have to grow up, we can stay forever young. Living on my sofa, drinking rum and cola underneath the rising sun. I could give a thousand reasons why… but you’re going and you know that…_

_All you have to do is stay a minute, just take your time. The clock is ticking, so stay. All you have to do is wait a second your hands on mine, the clock is ticking so stay…_

Clark couldn’t help but she took some steps and she finally reached tree line. She found herself on small grassland. There was some space fenced with short stone walls and in the middle there was bonfire. Grassland was tiny, but the bonfire seemed to be rather huge. Clarke approached, charmed by everything that is happening, listening to the girl that was singing and when she was close enough to see her, she froze, stunned.

She noticed grey flannel shirt, white tank top, and, for a change, dark shorts. She was sitting by the fire and she wasn’t looking around. As usual.

“Hey, I'm sorry I'm disturbing you…” Clarke started and she could see this girl nearly jumping on the sound of her voice. She raised her head and looked at Clarke for the first time.

“Clarke…? What are… are you… doing here?” she blushed and she became smaller than she was. She still had her hoarse voice that Clarke found adorable, but the self-confidence evaporated.

“Actually… I lost my way.”  Blonde responsed. “I’m not sure which way I can go home. And I… I just got here… totally by accident!” she waggled her hands. “And… I don’t know what I'm supposed to do.”

Girl with guitar reflexed for few seconds.

“The way that leads straight to the main street and after to the campus is this way.” She stated, pointing in some direction. “But…”

“Oh, okay…” Clarke sighed. “I won't disturb you anymore then…” she turned to the direction and decided to go straight to her dorm and punch her face against the wall.

“You’re not… I mean… I think…” this girl seemed confused. “You… you can stay. I mean… only if you want… but if not, I will understand, Clarke… so…”

“Shhh.” Clarke interrupted her with wide smile. She sat near the girl, but not too close, as she remembered that she didn’t seem to like being touched. This girl was so adorable while being woozy. And she could hear her pronouncing her name again.“I would love to, um…” she ceased, because she noticed that she still didn’t know her name.

“Lexa.” She whispered, so quietly, that Clarke barely heard it, trying to look at Clarke, but when she noticed that blonde was looking at her as well, her sight banged into ground. That few seconds sufficed for Clarke to notice that this girl had pretty, honey eyes. Clarke smiled. “My name's Lexa.”

“Lexa.” Clarke repeated. “Unusual name, but I like it. And I like you singing.” She said and she could see Lexa blushing. She was so cute when the red blush was on her face that Clarke couldn’t resist but stare.

“I do like yours, too.” She stated shyly.

“Thank you.” Blonde smiled. “I’m sorry for question, but maybe you wouldn’t mind… I didn’t notice you here last year… you’re new here or…?”

“Yeah, I… I moved here this holidays. I… I always wanted to study on this university so… that … that was… the only way I could…–“ she blushed again because she was kinda ashamed of her reason. “–I could make my dreams… came true.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that this university could be somebody’s dream.” Clarke smiled and Lexa blushed even more.

“It… It was… stupid… I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa hugged her guitar tighter and she raised its neck a little.

 _Holy fuck, the way you’re pronouncing my name._ Clarke smiled. Lexa was so adorable.

“No, it wasn’t.” Clarke assured her, trying to comfort Lexa with tender smile. “I think that’s… I don’t know how to say it, but… It’s kinda… ambitious. I have never had dreams like this.”

“What are… your dreams then?” Lexa gave her short glance. Clarke slightly blushed, but she thought about the response for some time and her interlocutor took that for prying. “I… I am sorry!” she apologized. “I… I didn’t mean to be rude or… nosy.”

“No, no, it’s not…–“ Clarke was surprised, but she wanted to answer brunette’s question. “I just… I was thinking about the response.” She stated with smile. “That question is quite hard to answer. I think that… I don’t have dreams.”

“What? But… how? I mean… everybody has, right…?” Lexa asked shyly. “Because…” she interrupted, but she didn’t finished. Clarke noticed that, starting to wonder what she wanted to say, but blonde didn’t ask about that. She shrugged.

“Maybe… I don’t know, maybe it’s stupid, but I… um… I always wanted to be wanted and to find true love.” She stated eventually. “I know, that’s quite… melodramatic.”

“No, it’s not…” Lexa glanced at Clarke for a second. “I mean… I think it’s…  intangible. And… adorable.” She blushed so badly that Clarke couldn’t resist but grin. Lexa was so cute in her eyes.

“I'm curious… for how long have you been  training judo?” Clarke decided to change the subject in order not to shame Lexa more, because after brunette’s last phrase there was a long period of silence.

“Since I was 5.” she stated. “I have a lot of free time and I wanted… I wanted to do something.” She shrugged, hugging her guitar.

“Why martial arts?” Clarke asked curiously. “Why not… anything else?”

Lexa shrugged one more time.

“You know… or maybe not… some kind of… it's stupid, I know, but… judo could give me some kind of… I don’t know how to say it… discharge.”

“You seem to be rather calm person.” Clarke stated, staring at Lexa and at her hair with fire shimmering in her braids.

“I am.” Lexa smiled mysteriously.

“You’re not into talking, are you?” Clarke asked after some time of silence.

“I'm not really… um… used to talk.” Lexa stated. “I don’t have… much friends.”

“But…” Clarke interrupted. “But I think… you know… when you talk you are talking… with point. You seem to be great companion.”

“Only… only when I'm not at the place where my »friends« are.” She sighed but she didn’t seem to be upset. Suddenly she stood up. “Clarke… I'm sorry. I… I have to go.” She said. She caught her guitar and jumped above the fence.

“What? Wait! LEXA!” Clarke shouted, but brunette was gone into the dark forest. Blonde sighed. “What did I do wrong?” she asked herself.

Clarke was a little bit upset. She didn’t know what to do. She felt torn apart with her feelings. She kinda felt something for Lexa, but she still remembered that there was her dancer. Her lost dancer with this aura and…

“OH, FUCK MY LIFE!” she cried out into the night and she felt the tears filling her eyes. “I will never find her. And I will never be able to think about somebody else because of my attraction to that fucking dancer.” She sobbed and she sat again by the fire, deciding to stay there and just look into the flames and wait until the bonfire dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. Clarke's torn apart, Lexa's shy and not eager to talk... but maybe it will change a little.  
> Thank you for all your kudos, comments, bookmarks you've left. And thank you for just being and reading it.  
> I hope that you liked this one and it didn't bore you so much. :)  
> Take care, until Tuesday!


	12. Invitation

“Clarke? Everything’s all right?” Raven poked blonde when they met at the courtyard. “You…”

“Yeah, everything’s okay.” Clarke nodded, but her facial expression didn’t make Raven believe her.

“I don’t think so, sweetie.” She stated, looking Clarke in the eye. “How about going for some coffee and talking? Octavia has her training and she can’t  go with us, but… how about going somewhere?”

Clarke shrugged. All she wanted was to lay herself to the bed and not to go anywhere. Just stay under her cover.

“Jesus, Clarke!” Raven caught blonde’s shoulders and shook her. “You look completely dead! What happened for fuck’s sake?! Or… not. Don’t tell me yet.” She stated. “I will bring you coffee and then we will talk. In some quiet place.”

Clarke nodded unknowingly and just stayed where Raven left her. She didn’t make any move, she was staring at the ground and thinking about what she had done and about what she hadn’t.

Raven was back in express pace. She handed Clarke her coffee and she caught blonde’s arm, pulling her in some direction only known by latina.

“Now tell me everything.” She said when they sat near the gym. Around them there wasn’t single person, they were all alone. “What happened. Clarke?” she popped her fingers for taking Clarke’s attention. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m torn apart.” Blonde shrugged. “I met her yesterday.”

“Who?” Raven looked at blonde who had her eyes fixed on her coffee. She didn’t take any sip from her drink and Raven was worried. Clarke loved coffee.

“Lexa.” She shrugged.

“And Lexa is…?” Raven interrupted for Clarke to finish the phrase.

“This girl who is always wearing flannel shirts.” She stated upset.

“There you go, my winner!” Raven was so satisfied that Clarke finally got to know this hottie’s name. “But why I have an impression that you’re not self-contended?”

“Because…” she interrupted and didn’t finish her sentence. Raven was waiting while Clarke was thinking what she wanted to say.

She knew exactly what was wrong with that situation she had been last night.

When this girl finally told her her name… she, almost automatically, became more… real. She became touchable for Clarke. She knew that Lexa’s name was Lexa and she knew that if she will fall for her… she will be able to find her no matter what. She knew that there were lists of students. She knew that she will be able to do anything to find her IF she would. But she wasn’t sure if she really was so eager to talk to Lexa again. She… she was great companion to talk to when she didn’t want to escape and vanish, but Clarke had this strange feeling that if she would eventually give up and go with her… then this dancer will appear again and blonde will hurt Lexa because of her interest. She felt bad with this and she didn’t want to bring some unbearable shit, neither in her nor Lexa’s life.

“Because…?” Raven asked calmly, looking at Clarke, when blonde had not said anything for a long time. “Clarke, I’m here to help you, I don’t have bad intentions, you know that, you can always count on me. Please, tell me what’s on your mind.”

Clarke shrugged one more time, remaining silent. She was hit this day during classes not only because of that damn photo hanging recklessly in their classroom but also because of Lexa herself who seemed to avoid Clarke all day. Blonde sighed and decided that she had to say something eventually.

“She’s been avoiding me all day.” She shrugged, making circles with her coffee.

“Okay, that’s not so okay. And what happened yesterday when you met her?” Raven tried to get to know every circumstances of Clarke’s reunion.

“Um… I was lost in the forest.” Blonde said quietly. Raven nodded, but she remained silent, letting Clarke get her thoughts together. “And then I heard a voice.”

“A voice.” Raven glanced at Clarke, trying to recognize if she’s joking or not. She noticed that Clarke was serious, so she let her talk.

“Yes, a voice.” Blonde nodded. “It was female voice, kinda smoky, great and the owner was singing.”

“Great.” Raven stated. “What’s next?”

“I approached and then I heard a guitar.”

“Better.” Latina smiled.

“Finally I was out of the forest and I realized that the girl who’s singing is her. She was sitting by the fire with her guitar and just… and I interrupted her… we were talking… and in some point of our conversation… she just left.”

“She WHAT.” Raven stared at Clarke.

“She escaped.” Blonde shrugged. “She was gone, she escaped, she got out of the place we were, name it as you wish. I was totally alone.”

“In the forest. At night.” Raven seemed to be terrified. “Is she a…”

“Stop.” Clarke raised her hand. “She looked like she was scared of something.”

“Are in that forest bears or wolves?” Raven asked suspiciously.

“I doubt that.” Clarke sighed. “She… she is usually scared more of people than animals.”

“How can you tell?” Raven was surprised. “You don’t know her so well.”

“I kinda feel it.” Blonde shrugged. “But the point is… I didn’t know and I still don’t know what I did wrong. I wanted to speak to her today, but when I came for lectures, she wasn’t in the classroom and when we could go for break, she was gone. I couldn’t reach her.”

“There’s something more than you are telling me, isn’t it?” Raven asked and Clarke slowly nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t really know. I don’t know how to say it.”

“At least try. Just… just try. Please. I promise not to laugh at you.”

“Comforting.” Clarke snorted. “But okay, I’ll try. It’s… strange. I finally knew who she is, she’s pretty and adorable and… I do love when she’s blushing… but I think that something’s wrong with her. That she has some kind of problem that she don’t want to talk about. And now she is… I don’t know, I can reach her anytime, maybe she… AAAAAAARGH, I DON’T KNOW, I CAN’T SAY THAT!” she growled and Raven put her hand onto Clarke’s shoulder. Blonde looked latina in the eye and she saw there some dose of understanding.

“You mean that she is not a mystery to you anymore and your mind went back to this dancer who still is?” she asked and Clarke reflexed for few seconds. Then she nodded with pain in her eyes.

“I think so…” she whispered. “Look, Raven, I… I don’t want to… I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to be rude or… I don’t know. If I decide to, let’s say, hit on her and she will, I don’t know, agree to be my girl… and then it will turn out that the dancer… is no more mystery and I will find her… I will not be able to choose… and I… what if I decide to leave her just because of my love interest who’s not Lexa? It’s… fucked up.” Clarke knew that her speech was so messy that Raven barely understood what she told her. But latina nodded and sadly smiled.

“I know what you’re talking about. But… what if you will finally find out who the dancer is and it will turn out that all she has is just… moves? Just a body to stare at? And… nothing more? I mean… she could be pretty, of course, she could be even beautiful, but… you still don’t know her at all. You don’t know how she’s like in the real life, apart from performances. She could be great, yes, but she could be also a bitch. You don’t know and she’s one, great unknown. And Lexa? She is very, very shy, but she seems to be nice and kind. She is… eager to help, I know because I asked her if she could help me with some equations. You’ve talked to her. You know how she is. And you’re still looking for another, you’re looking for mystery. But… what if you have mystery right in front of you, waiting for discover and you… you’re letting this go?”

“Rae…” Clarke sobbed, her eyes full of tears. Raven sighed and hugged her friend.

“Shhh… It will be fine.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Clarke sniffed and Raven hugged her tighter. “I don’t know…”

“Shhh, babe.” Raven whispered. “I have an idea. You have to get a little distracted this time. Maybe you should go drunk tonight. Anya invited us for pool party, I hope that if I take you, you will go with me and O.?” latina asked and Clarke shrugged.

“I don’t want to…”

“You have to, sweetie.” Raven pecked top of Clarke’s head. “You need to get distracted. Trust me.”

“Okay.” Blonde sighed. “You will come for me?”

“Sure. At 7.”

“I’ll do my best to get prepared.”

“I hope so.” Raven smiled. “Now, drink your coffee, go to your dorm and don’t cry anymore. We figure something out, okay?”

Clarke nodded, she wiped her tears away and she went to her dorm, trying not to think about what’s wrong with her.

 

*

 

“You’re prepared?” Octavia asked at 7, when she and Raven finally went to Clarke’s dorm. She stopped at the threshold and looked at her friend. “You all right?”

Clarke raised her head and glanced at her tanned friend with red eyes. She couldn’t stop crying all day and she didn’t feel so good.

“I don’t know if I want to go.” She sobbed. “I’m… I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re not.” Octavia helped her stand up and she handed Clarke pair of shorts and baggy T-shirt. “Please, get prepared and put on your swimsuit. Anya is eager to see us.”

Clarke nodded and she went to bathroom to change her clothes. After some time she was ready.

“We can go.” She whispered, not looking at anyone.

“Chin up, my dear.” Raven smiled. “We’re going to party. Please, try to chill out.”

“I will… but I can’t promise you anything.”

“Let’s go.” Octavia opened the door.

 

*

 

“Hi, I was worried that you will not come.” Anya grinned when she opened the door and saw her girlfriend with friends. She hugged Clarke and Octavia and then she kissed Raven. “I’m glad you’re here, come in.” She stated, carrying colourful drink in one hand and pointing at the terrace where the party was lasting. Friends went outside the house and they saw big garden with pool, high stone fence and big fridge with alcohol, juices or with everything that could be needed near to the rough and ready bar. Anya smiled and she pointed at the fridge. “Help yourself.”

Raven, at first, took three beers, but she glanced at Clarke and she took only two beers and she mixed some drink at the bar and she handed it to Clarke. Blonde was grateful and she nodded, immediately taking a big sip through the straw.

“So, how is it going?” Anya asked, taking little sip from her drink. “Clarke, are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’ve got… rough day.” Blonde nodded, looking at Anya. “I have boring classes and I want to chill a little.”

“You’re in the best place for it, then.” Women laughed and pointed at pool. “If you guys want to jump into the water, you’re invited.”

Clarke glanced at Raven’s girlfriend and she noticed that she had brown swimsuit, she was muscled and… just pretty. Blonde thought about her belly and about that it’s not as elegant as she wanted it to be.

“For now I’ll pass, but later… why not.” She stated, taking another sip of her drink. Their group sat at the edge of terrace, near the water and started talking.

 

*

 

Time was passing by quickly and Clarke had her third drink, but she didn’t feel drunk at all. Now they were standing near the pool, in bigger group and they are talking. Apart from her, Anya, Raven and Octavia in the circle there were Monty, Jasper, Harper and Lincoln, this tanned man who was cheering her friend up during the match and who was staring at Octavia at that moment. Tanned girl was staring at him too and Clarke was wondering if something was between them. She smiled and she looked around.

In the kitchen window she saw somebody. It was a girl, she had black T-shirt and black bermudas, she was wearing rectangular glasses in thin frame and she had her hair tied up in a messy bun. She was looking for something in the fridge. Clarke shrugged and she returned to conversation.

She noticed that Lincoln and Octavia disappeared, but Raven was in the middle of some tale and Clarke smiled, trying to immerse herself in the story again. She laughed with that people and she felt really good in their company. She almost forgot about her bad mood.

“I don’t know this one.” She stated, pointing at Raven and all the people in the circle laughed again. Clarke was laughing so hard, that she reeled and she knocked over somebody. She turned around immediately and she noticed that she hit a girl and she was near to plunge into pool. Blonde instinctively caught her wrist, but it was too late. This girl pulled her with her to the pool.

They fell into the water and they both emerged at the same time. Clarke came out of pool all in water.

“Yeah, you had to do shit again!” Anya snapped at the girl in the pool. Clarke turned around and she reached out her hand to help this girl. She left the pool streaming with water.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect that you…” she started, putting her glasses on and glancing at the girl who helped her. “Clarke?” she asked and blonde had to observe better. She noticed big, beautiful and certainly astonishing and outstanding emerald eyes and she felt that her legs turned weak as fuck when she realized who this girl was.

“Lexa…?” she asked disbelievingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Clexa100, I've made it. :) Usually, I'm not the kindest person in the world, but now I'm trying to be and I'm sharing this chapter with you.  
> Feel free to check out my 75% Clexa Tumblr: www.firepath.tumblr.com and also feel free to write me a message. Thanks for positive feedback and I hope that you'll like this one. :)


	13. Discovery

“Lexa…?” Clarke asked disbelievingly. “What you’re…”

“I… I’m so sorry, Clarke!” she started to apologize. “I didn’t want to…”

“It’s okay, nothing happened…” Clarke raised her hands and tried to comfort Lexa who seemed to be little messy this moment.

“Clarke, I will give you some clothes for change…” Anya stated nervously. “And… for fuck’s sake, Lexa, what do you want from here?” she nearly snapped at her.

“I was looking for something to drink. And I was looking for it in the fridge, which is a proper place, but you had to remove all the shit we have there to fucking here, so I didn’t have a choice and I had to go there.” Lexa said and Clarke was surprised that this girl didn’t interrupted even once. She didn’t seem to be shy anymore. “And stop snapping at me, I’m not your pet, for fuck’s sake.”

She turned around and decided to go back to the building, but when she was near the terrace door, Anya shouted: “Don’t you dare going in streaming with water!”

Lexa didn’t even turned around. She caught the lower edge of her T-shirt and she took it off by one, perfect move. Clarke froze.

“FUCK.” She whispered when she saw Lexa’s back. Her heart rate accelerated to the speed of the light. It wasn’t single boom after boom anymore. It was one constant boom.

Lexa has tattoo on her back. There was infinity sign on her neck and straight lines with black circles along her spine. She had perfect curves and Clarke immediately stopped breathing. She found her.

“I hope this is fine by you!” Lexa shouted in a sassy way, which was also so sexy, that Clarke melted inside, throwing her shirt on the terrace floor. She disappeared in the house.

“I saw it.” Clarke heard Raven’s voice from behind. “Go the fucking after her!” she hissed and she didn’t have to repeat it.

“I think… I will ask Lexa for some shirt.” She smiled and Anya nodded. Clarke took off her T-shirt and she went to the building.

“Lexa?” she called her, but nobody answered. “Lexa?”

“I don’t want to…–“ she interrupted, going out of one of the rooms. “Oh, Clarke…” she blushed immediately and she fixed her eyes into the ground. “I’m… I’m so sorry about that… I… um…”

“Lexa, keep calm.” Clarke smiled, delighted by Lexa’s confusion. “It’s okay, I survived. I’m here to ask about some T-shirt or so…”

“Yeah… okay, um… T-shirt… you want some… I don’t know… black, colour… I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever you will give me I’ll take this.” Clarke smiled and Lexa nodded. She disappeared on the stairs and after one minute she was back with two pairs of bermudas and two black T-shirts.

“Here you are…” she handed one of the set to blonde and she looked around nervously. “I… I have to go… help yourself into the bathroom… I.. I will go upstairs.” She stated and she was gone in the blink of an eye.

Clarke shook her head and she entered the bathroom. She was still stunned because of her discovery.

So when Raven was messing with her and she asked if they can assume that Lexa and this dancer is the same person… she was right. So fucking right, but Clarke laughed at her. It was… strange. So strange. She was… it was so fucking unbelievable that the extremely self-confident dancer and this cute and so shy girl with braids were actually one and the same person.  
Clarke changed clothes as fast as she could and she was out of the bathroom. She looked around, but she didn’t see Lexa, so she went out of the house and she approached Raven and Anya, only persons who remained of the circle they were talking in.

“Have you seen Lexa?” she asked, looking with excitement in her eyes at her friends. Raven shook her head.

“You’ve already lost her?” she asked back with disbelief. “I can’t believe it…”

“She’s probably upstairs in her room.” Anya shrugged. “She’s always there.”

“Why she’s not here, with us? Wasn’t she invited?” Raven glanced at her girlfriend, but Anya sighed.

“She had always rejected invitations, so I stopped inviting her.” She stated. “But, Clarke, if you want to go and look for her, she’s probably where I told you she’ll be. First room on the right.”

“Thanks…” Clarke blushed and grabbed something to drink what didn’t contain alcohol. She smiled to Raven and Anya and she was gone into the house, grabbing her bag with her.

She went upstairs quietly and she found the door that Anya had told her about. She took a deep breath, raised her fist and quietly knocked at the door. She waited few seconds and, when there was no answer, she knocked louder. Clarke heard some sound of motion in the room and she took a step back from door when Lexa opened them.

Clarke’s heart melted at the sight of brunette. Lexa tried to dry her hair with towel and her wavy hair was damp. She tied it up into the messy bun anyway and Clarke noticed again that this girl had amazing emerald eyes hidden behind her rectangular glasses. Lexa seemed to be surprised and she looked at Clarke for a while before she fixed her eyes into the ground.

“Can… Can I help you?” She asked quietly. “Why… why aren’t you partying with your… with your friends?”

“I brought you something to drink, you didn’t grab anything when you left.” Clarke smiled when she noticed that Lexa was blushing as usual. She raised her hand with orange juice and she handed it to brunette. Lexa was surprised even more, but she took it.

“I… thank you. You… you didn’t have to…”  
“It’s fine.” Clarke interrupted her with wide smile. “That’s not my company down there to be honest.” She stated, pointing at the direction of terrace.

“How… how is that possible?” Lexa raised her head to look at Clarke for a while. “I mean… What… what about Raven or Octavia…?” she asked.

“Raven has Anya and Octavia disappeared with Lincoln.” Clarke said. “But… I will understand if you don’t want to talk to…”

“NO!” Lexa was so nervous that Clarke started to worry about her. She could notice her hands shaking. “I mean… I want to… I would be pleased… I mean… if you want to…”

“Hey, what’s happening?” Clarke decided to ask about Lexa’s strange behavior.

“Um… I’m… I’m not used to talk.” She repeated what she had already said by the fire the night before. “I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… to be rude. Please, come in.” she stepped back and let Clarke enter her room.

And Clarke stood stunned in the middle of it. Room wasn’t big, but it was very cozy and beautiful. On wooden walls Lexa had few posters of her, probably, favourite bands. One wall was covered in some part with cork. Clarke can notice pictures and some drawings. In the room there was also a desk in the corner, wardrobe, three huge bookshelves filled with books and mattress which Clarke assumed as bed. She smiled when she noticed that Lexa sat on the floor, shutting her laptop down and closing book which laid near her computer. She hung her headphones on the nail crestfallen to the wall.

“May I…?” Clarke pointed the place near Lexa and girl nodded. Clarke sat down and she looked at her interlocutor.

“Why you’re rejecting every invitation to the party?” she asked quietly.

Lexa didn’t answer immediately, but she reflexed and then she shrugged.

“I’m not into parties.” She stated. “I prefer… I prefer being here with books.”

“Got it. What are you reading then?”

“ _The plague_.” She stated, showing Clarke this book that laid next to her laptop.

“But it’s not…” Clarke took that book and she stared at it.

“Yeah, I… um… kinda read it… in the original.” Lexa blushed. “Camus was French so… I decided to read it in French.”

“Seriously? You know French?” Clarke was amazed. For fuck’s sake, Lexa could fight, dance, do maths, and she knew French. What else she could do about what Clarke didn’t know?

“Yeah, a little.” Lexa said quietly.

“A little?” Clarke waved her hand carrying the book. “And with that you’re reading _The Plague_ in original?”

“It’s… um… like practice?” Lexa had bad poker face and Clarke laughed.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked eventually, looking at brunette. “If you wouldn’t mind, of course.”

“I’ll try to answer.” she stated.

“Do you smile sometimes?” Lexa raised her head and looked at Clarke for the first time openly. She seemed like she didn’t know what to say.

“I… I…” she blushed. “I… sometimes do.” She finally answered.

“And why don’t you look anybody in the eye? I…”

“What do you mean?” Lexa immediately began to be aloof.

“I… don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to be rude, just… I…” Clarke tried to find the best words she can. “I… I mean… you’re very, very shy. I… not until now could I see your face.” She stated. “You know… I noticed your eyes were in colour of honey when we met yesterday, but today I can see that they’re not and…”

“I’m wearing contact lenses that changes my eye colour.” Lexa said. “But… I… I’m not used to talk, Clarke, you know. I… I’m not used to people at all. I don’t like to stare them in the face it’s… awkward.”

“Can I ask you why aren’t you wearing your glasses instead of contact lenses?” blonde asked curiously.

“I didn’t like my natural colour.” Lexa shrugged, trying to look at Clarke constantly. Blonde appreciated that.

“Why? They’re… oh my god, forgive me for being so honest and don’t get me wrong, but… they are awesome! You have the most astonishing eyes I’ve ever seen. I have never seen such green eyes… this colour makes me want to look at you all the time” Clarke said and small smile appeared on Lexa’s face with company of tiny blush.

“Thank you, but… that’s why I’m wearing lenses.” She stated. “I didn’t like being in center of attention and when I didn’t wear lenses, I was. I decided to change my colour just to make them… plain.”

“You’re really shy.” Clarke said with disbelief. “I’ve never met someone like you.”

“And I’ve never met someone like you, Clarke.” Lexa glanced at her. “Nobody have ever wanted to talk to me for no reason.”

“Actually…–“ Clarke blushed a little. “There is a reason why I wanted to talk to you.”

Lexa took a sip of orange juice Clarke had brought her and she looked at blonde with… sorrow?

“Oh.” She said quietly, but she didn’t show Clarke if she was disappointed, upset or that she predicted that. “So… what’s that?”

“Can you promise me that you will not… laugh at me?” blonde asked and glanced at Lexa. She was pensieved, but she nodded.

"I… I was looking for… that dancer.” She grabbed her bag, she pulled out her sketchbook and opened it. Lexa looked at the photo that Clarke had stuck into the inner cover of the sketchbook and her eyes become wider. “I saw her during Tribal Dance Night and she caught my eye. It’s weird, I know, but I… I couldn’t stop thinking about her at all. I…–“ she blushed badly. “–I sketched her unknowingly during classes and I noticed you. You were… enigmatic. I didn’t know anything neither about you nor her.” She pointed the photo. “I… I was looking for this dancer and I have found photos on facebook’s funpage, but… she wasn’t marked. I was upset but I kept looking for her. Everything I knew about her was that she had this amazing tattoos and… and that she’s moving so incredibly that I can’t take my eyes off her.”

“May I…?” Lexa reached out her hand, pointing at Clarke’s sketchbook. Blonde nodded and gave brunette the item. “Please, Clarke, go on.”

“Yeah, okay…” blonde swallowed hard. “Then I was on her second performance. It was stunning and I was like under a spell. I wanted so badly to talk to her, ask her if she want to be photographed or so… but I couldn’t reach them. And I talked to you… just because you seemed interesting. And now… I found out that you… and her… are one person and…” Clarke interrupted, searching for good word and she realized that this story could actually hurt Lexa. Like… she was looking for dancer and talked to her and finally she wanted the dancer and she met Lexa in the moment when she took off her shirt and she was victorious as fuck. “I… I know that this story seems to be quite… bizarre, but I… I really like you, Lexa. I Just… I don’t know…”

„Clarke, stop, please.” Lexa tenderly interrupted her, closing blonde’s sketchbook. “You don’t have to explain.”

“But I want to… I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just…” she was desperately looking for words that could save the situation. “I was just looking for… you.”

“And you’ve found me.” Lexa smiled in the most adorably way that Clarke had ever seen. Her emerald eyes were shining bright and the expression on her face was just… addictive.

“Yes, I think so…” Clarke smiled. “And I hope that… you… you know, I…”

“That I what?” Lexa glanced at Clarke over her frames with little smile on her face. Clarke melted at that view.

“That… you know… you don’t get me as idiot or bitch.” She stated blushing.  
Lexa snorted with laughter and started laughing out loud. For Clarke this sound was incredible. She grinned when Lexa looked at her with the smile including her eyes.

“Don’t worry, Clarke, I’m not.” She stated less shyly than at the beginning of their meeting.

“Lexa… if you don’t mind me asking… why didn’t you tell me yesterday that you’re dancing?” Clarke asked, staring at brunette

“You haven’t asked.” Lexa grinned with everything she had and made Clarke's heartbeat faster.

“You have such beautiful eyes.” Clarke sighed.

“So do you.” Lexa smiled a little wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was predictable, here we are, Lexa and the dancer are no more mystery. But maybe, only maybe, not everything is like it seems it is.  
> Thank you for great feedback, thank you for all kudos, comments, bookmarks you've left! That's amazing, I really appreciate that!  
> Hope you liked this one and take care until Friday. :)


	14. After

“Clarke, you look… happy?” Raven raised her eyebrow when she met blonde next day.

“Sort of.” Clarke smiled. “I…” she blushed and remained silent.

“How's Lexa?” latina grinned, looking at her friend with curiosity. “You disappeared yesterday and I was wondering if you left or…”

“Oh, I had really good time with her.” Clarke stated with a wide smile on her face.

“You two spent your time on keeping yours mouths shut? Like… some kind of contest who can do it longer?” Raven chuckled and blonde raised her eyebrow.

“Fuck you.” She snapped. “I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“Hey, come on! I want to hear it!” Raven pleaded. “Clarke, I was joking!”

“But, for now, I don’t want to talk about it. Oh, hi, O.” Clarke smiled when she noticed Octavia. The tanned one wasn’t alone. “And… hi, Lincoln.”

“Hi there.” He smiled. “I hope I don’t disturb?”

“No, you don’t.” Clarke smirked to Octavia and her friend blushed. “Would you like to eat with us?"

“Actually I have to go for now.” He smiled. “I have my training and I don’t want to skip it. I hope that we will meet again. See ya!” He waved his hand and he was gone. Clarke turned to Octavia with grin on her face.

“You have to tell us about it.” Blonde stated.

“But… She’s changing the subject!” Raven accused Clarke and looked at Octavia. “She don’t want to tell me about her time with Lexa.”

“Did you asked her if they had a contest who can keep her mouth shut longer?” Octavia glanced at Raven and observed, that latina blushed and mumbled something unaudibly. “I told you that you shouldn’t be so rude.” She shrugged.

“But it was…”

“RUDE.” Clarke snapped at her. “Actually Lexa is very talkative… if she is in the proper company."

“And you think that’s you?” Raven raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“She’s not.” Tanned girl stated. “Clarke is actually good companion. She can make everybody talk.”

“Especially when she’s expecting sex at the very end.” Raven winked and Clarke slapped her shoulder with all the force she had.

“Shut the fuck up and stop being so vulgar. I know that you think only about Anya’s vagina because you’re so fucking horny all the time and you already know how to have good sex with man so you’re fucking eager to try it with a woman, but don’t you dare to set me against you, because I’m different.”

“Good one.” Octavia giggled. “Oh my god, she’s so good.”

“Shut up.” Raven snapped. “I don’t…”

“Yes, you do.” Clarke didn’t seem like she wanted to stop. “You think that I am so horny, because both, Lexa and the dancer, were hot when I hadn’t known yet that they’re one person. And you think that now, when I finally know that she’s the fucking one, I’m twice as horny as I was for them separated because it’s fused? I know what’s on your mind, Reyes and I don’t fucking like it.”

“You suggest that I am horny?” Raven looked at her friend with small amount of anger which was growing as time was passing by. “Don’t…”

“Yes, I’m suggesting it.” Clarke interrupted her. “I had an impression that you want me to be like you, horny, young and carefree, but I’m fucking not!” she shouted, suddenly angry. “I find Lexa cute and pretty, but all I want to do with her, at least for now, is to talk. She’s so damn good in conversations and I like talking with her, sometimes more than I like talking to you, because she is not so fucking mean as you can be.”

Raven wanted to say something, but Clarke heard Octavia clearing her throat and pointing behind Clarke with her eyes. Blonde turned around and she saw Lexa. Blonde’s eyes widened, she blushed enormously and finally she had bad poker face.

“Oh, hi… Lexa.” She nearly whispered, wondering how many of her speech she overheard.

“Hi, Clarke...” girl didn’t look her in the eye, she wasn’t looking at any of her friends. “I… I was wondering if… if you have some time just for… I don’t know… talk.” She shrugged, taking one step back. „But… I didn’t want to disturb you, so… I… I will go.”

She was close to just going away, but Clarke’s face brightened and she smiled widely.

“Oh, of course I have some time!” she stated happily. “Girls, I will be back later, don’t wait for me and you…” she frowned and glanced at Raven. “You should think about what you’re saying and how you’re doing this. See ya!”

Then she smiled to Lexa again and they went to some secluded area of their schoolyard.  
“You wanted to talk about something concrete?” Clarke glanced at Lexa. “And… oh, you covered your eyes.”

“As usual.” Lexa shrugged, sitting on the grass near the border of forest on campus. “I… I told you that I don’t like to attract people’s eyes.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but… I’m sorry.” Clarke interrupted as she knew about what she exactly wanted to say. _But I can’t stop thinking about them._

“Don’t be.” Lexa stated with warm smile. “You did nothing wrong.”

“What do you want to talk about?” Clarke changed subject in order not to make her situation worse.

“Nothing special… But if… if you don’t have time…” Lexa started to stutter and Clarke found it adorable and upsetting.

“No, I have time, I just… I didn’t mean to…” she interrupted. She didn’t know what to do. She had an impression that Lexa thought that Clarke wanted to talk to her just because she got not so good conversation with Raven. “Look, I can imagine how it may look from your position.” She sighed. “I mean… I think that you might wonder if I like talking to you or not. I do. And I’m not doing it because I have some hard times with Raven. I want to talk to you when she’s good to me and if I had some problems with her…”

“Hey, keep calm, I’m not accusing you of these.” Lexa raised her hands, but she was positively surprised of blonde’s attitude. “I appreciate that you decided to tell me this.” She stated. “But I also know that conversation is important to fix the problem, so… I don’t want to stand in your way to get better with your true friends.” She shrugged, but Clarke knew that Lexa really meant what she had said.

“I have to get some rest of her stupid comments.” Clarke smiled. “And I do like talking to you, as I already said, so… what’s up?”

“I…” Lexa blushed. “I just wanted to thank you for yesterday’s evening. I have never supposed that I will talk to anybody for such a long time.” She stated.

“Why don’t you like to have conversations with people?” Clarke asked curiously.

“Oh, no, it’s not like that.” Lexa smiled. “I do like talking to people… sometimes. I’m just one hundred percent introvert and I find my zen in solemnity and in my room. I rarely let someone in and even when I did it… I’m tired extremely fast. Like… you know. My inner battery is discharging. And then I have to… recharge them. I’m not really into people, because they make me exhausted. In opposite to Anya, who’s, like you certainly can see, an extrovert. She likes being with people and she finds her strength from it. She charges her batteries when someone’s around. We’re totally different.”

“Oh, I see.” Clarke smiled, looking at Lexa. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, not many do.” Girl with honey eyes shrugged. “They get used to find me boring and always silent. Just like that.”

“But you’re not.” Clarke protested.

“Please, don’t spread the news.” Lexa giggled. “I won’t be happy when it turns out that everybody will want to check it or be my best friend. I will probably die because of it.”

Clarke laughed out loud. “Okay, then. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Like Raven think we did last night?” Lexa sighed and Clarke’s eyes became bigger.

“You heard that?”

“When she was talking to Anya just after your leaving. They really thought that we have competition in remaining silent.” She smiled sadly. “But I can understand that. I’m not so into talking.”

“She doesn’t even know you.” Clarke sighed. "But it doesn’t matter. I do and I do like what I know about you.”

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled. “Um… Clarke… I’m wondering if…”

“If?” Clarke encouraged her to finish.

“If you want to go to my training today.” She said it in one breath. “You know…”

“Judo?” Clarke asked excited and Lexa nodded, confirming the answer. “I would love to! I wanna see how you’re becoming better than you’re now.” She stated with her eyes shining of excitement. Lexa blushed and she nodded one more time as she stood up and pointed at the small building barely visible from campus.

“I’m used to train there.” She said and Clarke followed her.

 

*

 

“Holy shit, you were incredible! And you are!” Clarke shouted after two hours of just sitting and looking with her jaw on the floor. Lexa, in white kimono and with her brown belt, was doing everything her coach told her to. She was practicing throws, chokeholds and rolls. She was fighting with her sensei and, after all this time, she was sweating.

She bowed before her coach, he did the same and Lexa was out of the mate. She was hardly breathing and Clarke knew that she wanted so badly to just sit down for a while, but she turned around to the tatami and she bowed before it. Then she turned around one more time and she took off her kimono sweatshirt. Clarke could see her shiny abs and she was amazed. _Fuck, those muscles. Those curves. If we were together, I would fuck you so hard…_  
“Clarke…? Clarke!” suddenly she heard and she was back to the ground. She saw Lexa’s face in front of her and her heart melted. Lexa’s forehead was shining with sweat, but her face was… happy. Clarke smiled.

“What?” she asked.

“Did you like it?” Lexa asked shyly, trying to look at Clarke.

“Wha… YES! It was the best I could do today!” she almost shouted and Lexa blushed.

“I’ll… I’ll go take shower and… How…”

“How about we’re going somewhere together?” Clarke asked quickly. Lexa smiled.

“Why not.” She stated. “I’ll be right back.”

 

*

 

“I’m curious…–“ Clarke started, looking at Lexa when they were sitting in the café. Lexa ordered black tea and cheesecake and Clarke asked for coffee and chocolate muffin.

“Yes?” Lexa asked, looking at her tea first and then moving her eyesight at the sugar bowl which was standing next to Clarke.

“Oh, you want it?” she caught the item and gave it to Lexa. “Here you are.”

“T-thanks…” Lexa blushed. “But I’m not so sure if I should..”

“Don’t be a fool.” Clarke chuckled. "You did your best during training. You need sugar.”

“Okay, but please, don’t laugh at me.” She stated and took a spoon. When she poured six spoons of sugar into her tea, Clarke was shocked.

“Did I count six?” she asked, barely audible to Lexa. ”Or…”

“I like sugar.” Lexa blushed. “I told you…”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Clarke shook her head. “You certainly need it.”

“I think so.” Lexa chuckled. “But I think that’s not what you wanted to ask me about.” She mixed the tea with sugar and she stared at Clarke. “What do you want to ask me?”

“Oh, yes, my question. Erm…” Clarke tried to find words. “I saw during the competition, and again today, that you’re bowing before your mat. I mean… you know, I get that you have to bow before your teacher, it’s obvious, but mat?”

Lexa smiled, looking at Clarke and then at her piece of cheesecake. She stab it with her fork and then she decided to answer.

“It’s not actually that I HAVE to bow before my teacher.” She stated. “It’s more like I WANT to do it because I respect him. I respect everybody who knows more than me and who fights better. But not only these people. It’s like… eh, judo is more like the way of life than just martial art, you know?” she asked and Clarke nodded, trying to get along with all these informations.

“Okay, I get it.” She smiled, munching her muffin. “Go on.”

“I bow before every opponent, because I know I can fail. I can be defeated and then my opponent will be better than me.”

“But the last one from the competition…” Clarke interrupted her, but Lexa shook her head.

“Even if she or he defeats me in the unfairly way.” She stated. “You know, there are people who are winning this way and they have enough courage to plea that they were cheating or so… and there are people who just can’t and they are taking profits from arbiter’s mistake.”

“But you didn’t answered my question.” Clarke smiled and Lexa did the same thing.

“Oh, right. It’s about… respect, as well.” She shrugged after a short time for wonder. “You know, on this mat I’m sweating for being as good as I am. I’m practicing, I’m winning and I’m losing the fights. I’m learning a lot. Not only about judo, I’m learning about life itself. And that’s the reason why I’m bowing before tatami.”

“I didn’t even think about it that way.” Clarke assumed. “I… I think that’s… great attitude. You really like judo, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda… my life, I think.” Lexa nodded and started to eat her cheesecake.

There was silent between them when girls were eating, but Clarke was looking at Lexa in some other way than she was a couple moments ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Lexa is really judo nerd, but it's understandable, because judo's great. :)  
> I hope you guys liked this chapter and, as usual, thank you for all the kudos (already 100, amazing!), comments and bookmarks you've left! It's great to see that you like reading it! :)  
> Take care. :)


	15. Pills

“So, Rae, are you ready to say something to me that will be nicer than what you’ve told me yesterday?” Clarke asked, looking at her friend. Raven glanced at Clarke and shrugged.

“I don’t really know.” She stated. “Because I DO KNOW that you’re deeply into her and you wanna fuck her or, at least kiss her, so badly.”

 _You have no fucking idea._ Clarke thought, but she waited for the next part of latina’s speech.

“But–“ she finally decided to continue. “–you’re right and I wouldn’t have told you that. Even if you don’t want to be her friend and just fuck her. I should’ve wished you luck and all the best. And I didn’t mean to piss you off. I just… I don’t know what was on my mind.”

“Mockery is not the product of the strong mind, Rae.” Clarke stated, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrow. “But I got it. You’re just jealous that I can talk with Lexa about everything and we’re not even together and you with Anya can’t because of the fact that you’re kissing. All the time you can. And you two don’t have time for philosophic conversations.”

“Very funny” Raven sighed. “But ok, if you forgive me, I’ll forget what you’ve just said."

“I’ll think about it.” Clarke nodded.

“But… you two are so cute. You certainly should be together!” Raven stated. “Like, you know, I want to see you one day as a couple and I want you to tell me that she… or you… whatever, one of you finally proposed to another…”

“Okay, Reyes, stop there. I don’t want to be forced to slap you in the face.” Clarke raised her hand and made latina silent.

“But…”

“Don’t. I like talking to her. And, oh god, I do love watching her exercising. She seems to like me, so I don’t want to destroy it, you know? I think that she’s not so easy to get to like Anya is.”

“DID YOU JUST SUGGEST THAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS EASY.” Raven was about to explode, but Clarke shook her head.

“No, absolutely not.” She stated, trying to calm her friend. “I’m just saying that Anya is… different than Lexa.” She shrugged and Raven nodded with understanding.

“Okay, could be. So… can you tell me now what were you guys doing during the party?” latina asked, looking at Clarke with her big eyes. “PLEEEEEASE?”

“Meh, okay.” Clarke sighed. “We were TALKING.”

“And…?” Raven was curious as shit.

“And nothing more. We were talking, laughing, staring at each other and that’s all. Nothing else. We weren’t kissing or having sex. We… we became friends, I suppose.”

“You’re really slow in this. Or maybe you’re just… I don’t know. Maybe you suck?”

“It’s not your problem here, Rae.” Clarke snorted. “You have your girlfriend, so get out of mine.” She stated and Raven raised her hands in the gesture of giving up.

“Okay, okay, I got It. No touching, no smiling, no talking with this one called Lexa.”

“Oh no, you got me wrong.” Clarke glanced at her with smile. “You can talk to her and you can smile to her. Touching and hitting on is prohibited.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Clarke, I have Anya, I don’t want Lexa.”

“You better be honest here.” Clarke laughed, so did Raven.

“Okay, I’m going for my classes. Engineery. Oh fuck, how I love it!” she snorted and was gone and Clarke was looking at her while the distance between them was getting longer.

“And I probably love something in your classes.” Blonde sighed, recalling the memory of emerald eyes in her head.

 

*

 

Clarke was almost absent during her art classes. They had drawing and that was the only one advantage of all shit she have. She couldn’t focus on sketching.

“Miss Griffin, what’s wrong?” professor Newman asked, when he approached and noticed that she didn’t draw anything.

“I… I don’t know.” Clarke sighed. “I… I’m not into sketching today, I’m sorry, sir.”

“But that’s my request. You have to draw something, if not… I will be forced to give you F.” he smiled gently. “Miss Griffin, try. I know you can.”

Clarke sighed one more time and she scratched her temple with pencil. She shrugged and decided to start doing something. She had a big sheet of paper in front of her and had ten hours for drawing. She glanced at her watch and assumed that one hour had already passed. She shook her head and think about what she would draw.  
After fifteen minutes she finally started, wondering if professor Newman will appreciate her idea.

 

*

 

“Okaay, deers, let’s see what do we have here!” Newman interrupted everyone, looking at his watch. “Our block has passed, bring me what you’ve got!”

All his group, which was ten persons, brought him their work. He looked at it and assumed, that everyone got B, because something’s missing in each work. But Clarke, as usual, was the last one to hand her drawing.

Newman smiled and looked at her work and he looked stunned. Clarke was waiting for him to say something.

“This is… great, miss Griffin.” He stated, turning her work and writing big, thick A in the back. He signed it and smiled. “Would you mind if I take this?”

“Actually… yes, sir.” She had an idea. “I would… I would like to give it to someone special to me. If I may…”

“Of course.” He smiled, but he seemed to be a little disappointed because he wouldn’t get another drawing for his gallery. But Clarke had enough emotions after this poster he did. “I hope that he will be pleased and take care about this work of art.”

“Actually… she. It’s a woman.” Clarke blushed, but Newman grinned.

“It’s even better.” He said and gave Clarke her drawing. “She will appreciate this masterpiece more than man would do. Good day, miss Griffin.”

Clarke nodded with wide smile, trying to be nice and she was out of the building, hoping that she would catch Lexa before she would go home.

“HEY!” She heard Raven, but she tried to go by and don’t even look at her, because she was in hurry.

“Sorry, I can’t, I have to…” she started, but Raven caught her wrist and she stopped her friend. “WHAT.”

“Lexa is with Sinclair, keep calm, you will catch her.” Raven stated as if she knew what Clarke wanted to do. “But I have a question.”

“Hurry up.” Clarke snorted impatiently.

“Is Lexa sick?”

“What…? No. I mean… I don’t know, she didn’t mention that.” Clarke glanced at Raven and found out that latina is a little worried. Blonde herself was a little bit surprised of that question. “What’s wrong? Why are you asking?”

“I noticed… Lexa is taking some pills. I don’t know what’s that and I didn’t want to ask her, I didn’t know her much. But I thought… maybe you could ask her, huh? I’m sure that’s not a big deal, but still. I had an impression that she’s trying to hide that fact. And if you don’t know anything about it I find it… strange. Just strange.”

"Maybe she has to take it." Clarke shrugged. "That's none of our business."

"It seemed strange, because she took something in the morning then some hours later and then again and again and, finally, several minutes ago, after we finished. It's just... I don't know, odd."

Clarke nodded and thanked latina for her care. She smiled and ran towards Lexa who was going out of the building and probably deciding to go home.

“Lexa!” Clarke shouted. No reaction. “LEXA!” she yelled one more time and this time brunette looked at blonde. She seemed to be freaking nervous, blonde could see her hands shaking, but Lexa hid them into her pockets. Clarke stopped in front of her and looked at her with worry in her eyes. “Lexa, is everything okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, another chapter is finished and, I think, we're approaching to Lexa's story. Or, at least, a piece of it. :)  
> Anyway, I hope you liked this one and thank you for all your feedback you're leaving; all kudos, comments and bookmarks mean so much to me! Thank you!  
> See you Friday! :)


	16. Issue

“Lexa?” Clarke repeated, waiting for brunette to answer, but Lexa shook her head and tried to go away. Clarke followed her and she tried to talk to her. “Hey, everything’s okay? Lexa, you can talk to me. Please, say something, did I…”

“Clarke, not here, not now.” She almost whispered as she looked her in the eye. “Please, I don’t… I don’t feel well right now.”

“Oh… but…” Clarke stopped and she took a glance at the scroll she had in her hand. “Okay, you don’t want to talk, that’s fine.” She tried to smile comfortingly. “But I… I… um… I have something for you and I just wanted to… um… give it to you.” She stated, blushing and she gave the item to brunette. “If you want… open it.”

“What’s that?” Lexa asked, being totally surprised. She took the scroll out of blonde’s hands wirth her own shaking and she glanced at the item, watching it from every angle. “I…”

“Just check it out.” Clarke encouraged her and Lexa stopped walking. They were near the playground, not far from where Lexa had her judo trainings. Clarke noticed that brunette began to be a little bit more calm than she was a couple of minutes ago and she sighed, but this sigh was barely audible for her, so she assumed that Lexa didn’t notice it at all.

Lexa unrolled the scroll that Clarke gave her and her eyes became bigger.

“It’s… amazing.” She whispered, looking at the drawing that Clarke gave her.

“I did it today on my art classes.” She stated. “Nothing special, but…–” she blushed. “–I… I want you to have it. You can do with it what you want, you know, I don’t…”

“Shh.” Lexa seemed to be astonished and she wanted a moment of silence for just looking at art she had in her hands. She couldn’t take her eyes off that drawing.

On the sheet Clarke drew the moment on the judo competition when Lexa won by ippon. She recalled it well, she remembered that she caught a wrist of her opponent, she took him to the ground and when he wanted to do something, she was lying on her back and she just pushed his collarbone with her foot to gain the best acceleration for him and she just threw him above her to the mat. It was quick, it was perfect, it was the reason why she had won. And Clarke had drawn it. Lexa was amazed, because she didn’t suppose that anybody would even notice what she’s doing. She was used to people who came to her after her fights and congratulated her, but they were just saying something like “great job” or “whoah, you was amazing”, but she never noticed somebody will actually remember how she did what she did. Brunette was stunned.

“What do you say about it?” Clarke finally asked, looking at Lexa and waiting for any word.

“It’s… how did you remember where I put my foot to throw him?” she asked completely amazed. “I… even my mates from club couldn't do that and… wow, you did.”  
“I was just observing.” Clarke blushed and shrugged. She didn’t want to say that she was amazed so badly with brunette’s abilities and skills that she couldn’t take her eyes off her and when she was gone from the mat and she was waiting for next fight, Clarke couldn't focus on what was on the tatami.

“Oh, yeah.” Lexa stated with small smile. She was quite calm yet and Clarke sighed with relief. However, brunette's hands were still shaking. “You’re great observer then.”

“Sort of.” Clarke smiled widely. “So… you can do with it whatever you want, you can even throw it away…”

“Are you joking?” Lexa glanced at her like Clarke was completely crazy. “No way, It’s perfect. I will hang it onto my wall.” She grinned. “Anya would be jealous.”

“How’s she anyway?” Clarke asked casually and Lexa became a little bit more upset.

“Um… You know, she’s busy. She is working and studying at the same time, it could be overwhelming. But she’s coping with it, so nothing to worry about.” Lexa smiled.

“Lexa… can I ask you something?” Clarke decided to ask her about what Raven had told her this morning. Not the greatest way to change subject, but Clarke had to know.

“Yeah, of course.” Lexa didn’t mind, when she rolled Clarke’s drawing. “Oh, you’ve got A! Congratulations!”

“Yes, thank you.” Blonde smiled shyly. “Professor wanted to take it, but I wanted to give it to you, so…” she interrupted. “Anyway, my question… first of all I want to ask you for not getting me wrong. You know it’s… hard for me, and I don’t… obviously… I’m not following you. I just…”

“Go to the point, Clarke.” Lexa became suspicious. “What do you want to ask?”

“Raven noticed that you… you…” Clarke interrupted and she could say nothing. Lexa sighed.

“She noticed me taking pills, didn’t she?” brunette asked and Clarke blushed but confirmed by nodding her head. Lexa sighed even heavier. “Yeah, that’s because I’m taking some pills and it’s none of your business.” She stated and Clarke took step back. “I don’t really like people getting in my life, so…”

“Yes, I know, Lexa, but… Please, just tell me that this is not dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” brunette looked amused a little. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m lactose intolerant and I’m taking pills because of that.” She stated and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh.

“Christ, I’m so sorry, Lexa.” She stated. “Raven noticed it and was worried, because you…”

“I’m hiding it, right.” Lexa shrugged. “I’m done with everybody laughing at me, because I can’t drink milk without revolutions.” She smiled. “But it’s really nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled. “Do you want… I don’t know. Do you want to go with me for some tea?” she asked with hope and Lexa smiled.

“Why not.” She answered. “Let’s go.”

 

*

 

  
Clarke offered to bring them something to eat and drink, so Lexa stayed at the table and she wanted to took her other pills that she didn’t tell Clarke about. She took them and she swallowed it as quick as it was possible, when she noticed that Clarke was coming back.

“That’s your meds for this lactose issue?” she asked. “I didn’t know you have to take them so often.” Clarke gave Lexa her tea and muffin and sat in front of her. “It must be onerous.”

“Clarke…” Lexa interrupted and she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t. She took a bite of her muffin and remained silent.

“Okay, I got it, you didn’t want to talk about it.” Clarke smiled and Lexa nodded shyly. “I’m not pushing. We can talk about anything else. I was just… curious. Excuse me.”

“Nothing really happened.” Lexa smiled. “I just… I don’t like to talk about it. It’s… stupid issue, but it could cause very unpleasant reactions.”

“I understand.” Clarke nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Lexa smiled. “It happens.”

"You know that the fact that I asked you about these pills was because of Raven. She caught me today and asked if you're ill and I..."

"You don't have to explain, Clarke." brunette glanced at her interlocutor with smirk. "It's really nothing to worry about. I get that Raven might be concerned about my health, because sometimes we work together during engineering classes and I help her with maths even if she doesn't need any help with it, but... that's really, really safe. Just... as I said."

"I get it." Clarke nodded and smiled a little. "But you could think that I'm actually so fucking nosy, which I'm not and..."

"Jesus, Clarke, please!" Lexa snorted with laughter, trying to look at blonde, but she was laughing too hard and Clarke was confused, yet pleased due to the sound of Lexa's laughter. "I know Raven a little, but I know that she can be too involved in something that not apply to her. I don't blame you since you said that was Raven who told you. And okay, maybe I shouldn't hide that I'm taking them, but when people are asking me what are they for and I just say »lactose intolerance« they used to laugh and I don't really like it."

Clarke nodded and smiled a little. "I understand."

"Sometimes I say, when people try to figure out what I'm taking, that they try to be cheesy, but I'm laughtose intolerant and..."

"Jesus fucking Christ" Clarke snorted with laughter and she laughed so hard that Lexa grinned. Also, the blonde didn't notice that brunette's eyes were shining brighter when she was laughing just because Lexa thought that was the most beautiful laughter that she'd ever heard. "That one was awful."

"I like awful puns. Sometimes they help with nosy people." Lexa stated and Clarke nodded to show to the brunette that she understood.

"Anyway, I'm sorry."

"As I said, nothing to be sorry about. We have clear situation now." she shrugged with a slight smile and stared at Clarke, thinking that blonde had no idea, how dishonest Lexa was at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go. Something's revealed, something's still hidden. But I hope that you liked it. :)  
> Thank you for all the feedback you've left; for kudos, for comments, bookmarks, it's amazing for me to see that you're reading it and you like it. :)  
> I'm sorry if the chapter was kinda bad, but I had to retake my exam and I had to learn, so I didn't have so much time to write.  
> Anyway, feel free to leave a comment, to write to me on tumblr: firepath.tumblr.com and say what you like or what made you angry while reading this.  
> Take care and until Tuesday!


	17. Match

Clarke was doing really fine. She was closer to Lexa day by day and she was happy because of that fact. Raven was happy with Anya and everything seemed to be just great.

Lexa seemed worried a little because the upcoming handball match when the university championships were approaching. She was in the school team and she was on her best way to become team leader. She was training hard and she didn’t have much time to spend with Clarke who was a little bit upset because of that, but she totally understood what was on Lexa’s mind that time.

And, finally, the day of the first round of championships came. The team from Lexa’s university, Raccoons, had to clash with the Bullets. Clarke met Lexa when she was on her way for the last appointment before the match.

“Hey, how are you?” she asked when Lexa looked at her with small, worried smile.

“I think I’m fine.” She stated. “And you?”

“Great. I can’t wait to see you playing in real game.” Clarke grinned. “I’m sure you will be the best.”

“If I were you I wouldn’t be so sure.” Lexa blushed, carrying her black sport bag. “I’m just a player and I’m not so sure if I…”

“You’ll be doing great.” Clarke assured her. “I’ll be there to cheer you up. And with me there will be also Octavia with Lincoln. And Raven. And if Raven will be there…”

“You think that Anya will come too?” she asked shyly. Clarke melted on this view. It looked like Lexa had hope that her sister would decide to come and watch the match on live.

“I don’t really know, but I will try to ask.” Clarke smiled and Lexa nodded.

“I’m sorry, Clarke, I have to go for now…” she interrupted and Clarke grinned.

“Okay, go. We’ll see each other on the match, be sure.”

“Thanks.” Lexa blushed and went straight to the gym for her last preparations for upcoming match.

“Hey, sweetie, where have you been?” Raven asked, looking at Clarke. “You…”

“I was talking to Lexa. She seems so worried.” Clarke stated and Raven hugged her.

“Oh, don’t be worried about her. She’ll be fine.” Latina assured her. “If she’s so good in handball like she is in judo, she will be awesome on the playground.”

“Yeah, I know. But I’m concerned… if Anya…?”  
“I’ll call her and ask.” Raven offered and she pulled out her phone. “Anya? Hi, sweetie, I wanted to ask you something.”

“And how do you feel so far?” Octavia asked, looking at Clarke, totally ignoring talking Raven. “You seem worried too.”

“I am.” Clarke confirmed. “I want Lexa to be the best and I’m…”

“You really like her, don’t you?” Lincoln smiled and Clarke didn’t find any sign of insincerity or mockery.

“Yeah, I do. But she’s kinda… hard to understand sometimes. I try to keep up with everything she's doing and thinking  but sometimes her way of thinking is too... crazy if it's good word. But enough about me. How about you two?”

“I kinda like her.” Lincoln pointed at Octavia. “And she seems to like me, so…”

“We’re couple, I suppose.” Octavia laughed and Clarke did the same. “We just can talk about everything and we can remain silent together. So…”

Clarke sighed with wide grin. She thought about her and Lexa and she felt small stab of jealousy. Lincoln and Octavia were together, they could kiss each other, hug each other and they understood each other. Blonde wasn’t really convinced that they understood every little detail of their significant one, but still, she tried not to be jealous when her thoughts wandered and met picture of Lexa, her enigmatic way of life, her mysterious way of speaking about herself, her lack of need to talk about her life. Clarke was amazed with that way of behavior, because she knew that there had to be something behind this, but she didn't have enough courage to ask. And she also was aware of Lexa's privacy, so she decided to wait for Lexa to be ready telling her something more about her anyway.

“I wish you all the best then.” Clarke stated, interrupting her stream of thoughts of Lexa, when Raven came back. “And?”

“And she wasn’t so eager to come, but I convinced her. She will be here in ten minutes.”

“You’re great, Rae.” Clarke hugged her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled, whispering to her ear and blonde smiled back. "I don't know what's between you two, but I hope it will be something more."

"I hope it too." Clarke sighed. "But all I can do is wait. I don't want to be pushy."

“Let’s go to find some great seats.” Octavia suggested and everybody agreed. The match was predicted to be interesting, because this two teams had never met each other before. Raccoons had three new players, one of them was Lexa, and gossip was saying that now Raccoons are more close-knit than ever.

Clarke smiled when she thought about Lexa in the team, certainly being the best player,  and she was impatiently waiting to finally see her on the playground with ball in her hands. She happily went to the gym with her friends.

 

*

 

“Hey, Anya, how’s it going?” Clarke smiled when Lexa’s sister came and sat, trying not to go away at once.

“Great. I don’t have any idea what am I doing here, but…” she started, but Raven interrupted her.

“You will be cheering up your sister when she will be playing handball in championships with your amazingly hot girlfriend.” Raven smiled and she hung on Anya’s shoulder. “Because you love your sister and you wanted so badly to be here and look at this.”

“Like hell I did.” Anya snorted, but finally she smiled and she kissed Raven. Clarke rolled her eyes and she smirked. “But okay, I’ll do this only for you.”

“You should do it for her.” Raven pointed at Lexa and Raccoons. Anya looked at the playground and she smiled.

“She’s looking good in this suit.” Lexa’s sister smiled a little, glancing at brunette. Lexa had grey T-shirt with black strips and black shorts with grey strips and with big 13 on both.

Clarke also noticed that brunette was looking hot. She couldn't resist but stare art her, observing Lexa's perfect body. Her legs, her ass (blonde tried not to blush there), her waist, tribal tattoo on her arm and her... blonde shut her eyes and she inhaled and exhaled before she decided to look again. She saw Lexa turned to her with her profile and she sighed on the sight of Lexa's perfect sharp jawline.

 _Jesus fucking Christ, slit my throat with this..._ she thought, but then she shook her head and moved her glance at Anya.

“Our parents liked sports and she likes it as well.” the elder one said, not noticing that Clarke just started listening to what she was saying.

“You don’t like sports?” blonde asked and Anya shook her head.

“I do like, but… I don’t have much time for it. Sometimes I’m running, but it’s not my routine.” She stated and Clarke nodded.

On the playground appeared the second team which was supposed to play this match. Bullets. They had T-shirts and shorts in colour of rust and they seemed to be pretty confident of their victory. They behave like they already won.

Lexa seemed a little worried, but she tried to stand straight. She smiled a little, but she was serious about what she would be doing on the playground. Clarke was so proud of her, but she didn’t have a clue why was that.  
And the match began.

 

*

 

It was breathtaking, especially the last few seconds. Bullets was so confident on the beginning of the game, but even before the first half they had lost their confidency. Lexa was amazing. She was everywhere. She was doing assists and she scored. She was perfect and extremely effective, she scored almost half of total. She was… just perfect for it. She was doing great job on the playground and she was keeping the team together.

Clarke could see that after the match, after the victory of Raccoons, the teams were shaking hands. Lexa approached and shook hands with everybody and then she was near the last one, the captain of Bullets. Clarke noticed that Lexa hesitated before she reached out her hand.

“Holy fuck.” Clarke heard from the left. She turned to look at Anya. Woman was worried, so was blonde.

“What happened?” Raven asked and she glanced at her girlfriend. She noticed where was she looking and her sight followed her. “Who is that girl?”

“That’s… she equals problems.”

“Why?” Clarke asked, looking with worry at Anya. “What’s wrong with her?”

“That’s Costia.” Anya stated and that told them nothing. “She was Lexa’s girlfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, we have some plot twist, because I thought that this story began to be a little bit boring. XD I hope that you liked it.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and bookmarks and, especially, comments, that's great that you're here! Feel free to leave more. :)
> 
> As usual, we'll see each other on Friday, but I have to tell you that university classes have started and I have messed up schedule, but I'll do my best to update. If I will not be able to update, I'll let you know, but I hope that wouldn't happen.
> 
> Take care and thank you again! :)


	18. Costia

“Wait, what?” Clarke was deeply shocked. “You…”

“Can we go out?” Anya asked. “It’s loud here.”

Octavia and Lincoln stated that they will go and talk to Raccoons, because sportsmen should keep together and then they will join Anya and the rest. They also thought that for Lexa it would be a little bit weird if they all suddenly disappear, just because she knew that they were watching the match.

Raven agreed to Anya’s proposition, so they got out of the gym and stopped at the courtyard. Sun was shining and grass was green and nothing prognotsticated that something was or would be bad, apart from what happened.

“Okay, can you explain now?” Raven asked her girlfriend. “What’s with her?”

“Lexa trusted her and Costia betrayed her.” Anya stated. “They were really good and loving couple, but one day it turned out that Costia was cheating on my sister. She was a junkie and she needed someone who will be with her, so her dealers will have some kind of confirmation that she will pay them. Finally, Costia had told Lexa that she’s clean and Lexa trusted her. One day some people appeared in front of our door and they were looking for Costia, but she was long gone then. Lexa knew that Costia disappeared, I conjectured that; I hadn't seen her for couple of time. My sister was frightened of this unexpected visit, so was I. She told them that she didn’t know about Costia’s place, but they didn’t believe her. They tried to beat her up, but she didn’t let them do it. She was younger and she had scarcely her green belt in judo, but she coped with them. She was tiny and that was, and still is, her strength. Of course, she had some injuries because of what happened, she had battered ribs and some bruises, but it was nothing in opposite to what they possibly could do to her if she didn't know judo. I helped her a little, before I found them all, including Lexa, beaten up across our threshold. They were suffering, but not much and I called the police. Lexa refused going to hospital, but I forced her to, because I convinced her that the police would have though proof of their crime. After some time Costia didn’t returned and Lexa wanted to forget about her, but it wasn’t so easy.”

“Horrible. Something happened after that?” Raven asked worriedly and Anya nodded.

“She was torn apart when Costia was back, because she was, and, what's more, she was apologizing. Lexa wanted to trust her, but she couldn’t, so she gave Costia a credit of trust. She told her that she will trust her again if Costia will go to the addict centre and she agreed. But she didn’t make it through therapy and she returned to drugs. Lexa was destroyed because of that fact. She didn’t trust anybody and she… that’s not so important now.”I

“You can tell us.” Clarke said.

“I’m not the right person to tell you about her.” Anya stated. “I already told you too much, but only because she’s in danger. I observed her reactions then and now and I assumed that she can still kinda love her and it can lead to disaster. Everything I haven't said is not my story to tell.” She said.

“What we missed?” Octavia and Lincoln were back and they looked at the group of worried friends. “What’s wrong?”

“Where’s Lexa? Was she with you, guys?” Raven asked immediately, worried, but Octavia and Lincoln shook their heads.

“No, we didn’t meet her at all. She wasn’t on the gym anymore when we reached Raccoons.”

“Fuck.” Anya snorted and Octavia seemed worried.

“What happened?” she asked. “Is something wrong with her?”

“She is probably making the biggest mistake of her life now.” Anya groaned. “I need to stop her. And nothing's wrong with her, it's..."

"She is with someone who she shouldn't be with, I think that's all for now we have to know." Raven said. "That's enough to be frightened."

“I want to help.” Clarke offered immediately. Anya nodded.

“We all do.” Raven stated. “Anya, you and Clarke should go looking for Lexa around the gym. Me and this guys–“ she pointed at Octavia and Lincoln “–will look for her here. She must be somewhere, she couldn’t vanish.”

“Be careful what you’re saying.” Anya sighed. “You’re talking about my fucking sister. She can disappear.”

“Confirmed.” Clarke nodded. “Let’s go.”

And they decided to spread and look for Lexa.

 

*

 

"What happened when we weren't around?" Lincoln asked when he and his two friends was going through the courtyard and trying to find Lexa's silhouette among the crowd that was leaving the gym.

"Did you see captain of Bullets?" Raven glanced at tanned man and he nodded, so did Octavia.

"Lexa didn't seem to be very open when she shook her hand with her." O. stated. "Something's wrong with Lexa?"

"Not exactly with her, but she's deeply involved." Raven stated mysteriously and Octavia groaned.

"Rae, for fuck's sake, stop being so enigmatic, tell us what is going on, we weren't around when you guys were talking!"

"Right, I'm sorry." Latina almost whispered, going by two of Bullets' players. "You know, Anya told us about that woman. Her name is Costia and she used to be with Lexa."

"She is her girlfriend?" Lincoln raised her eyebrows, so did Octavia. Tanned girl was deeply shocked when it came out. She thought that Lexa is Clarke's crush, Clarke is Lexa's and everything would be just fine. That they would start meeting each other, that, finally, they would become a couple. And then? Lexa had someone.

"No, I said it wrong. Maybe. Costia WAS Lexa's girlfriend. But she cheated on her. She was a junkie, she was with Lexa just because of money for her drugs. One day she disappeared and after some time some guys knocked on Lexa and Anya's door. Lexa beat them up, which was what they wanted to do with her. She was beaten too, but Anya called the police and everything ended well, but... but Costia finally returned. She wanted to go back to Lexa and our hottie wanted to trust this bitch that she was telling the truth, asked her to go to addict center for help. Costia agreed, but didn't make it through. And she disappeared again, leaving Lexa shattered and broken. That's all."

"What a bitch." Octavia spitted on the ground. Both of them, O. and Lincoln were worried about Clarke's crush. "And Lexa disappeared?"

"She vanished into thin air." Raven nodded. "Anya thinks that her sister can still kinda love Costia and, if not love, then have some deep feelings that she's not sure about. So..."

"We have to find them." Lincoln stated, cutting out any conversation. "Let's hurry."

 

*

 

“Anya! She’s here!” Clarke whispered loudly, waving at Anya to come. Woman approached and she peeked from the corner.

“Shit, they’re talking.” She snapped. “I will kill this…”

“Don’t. You don’t really know what they are talking about. Just give’em some time maybe?” Clarke stopped her companion.

Anya thought about what the blonde said and she nodded, but she decided to approach to the girls anyway. Clarke followed her and they sneaked closer.

“Lexa, I told you. I’m clean, this time for real!” Costia was trying to convince Lexa to something. Clarke felt some kind of anger inside when she realized that maybe, only maybe, Costia is going to take Lexa back. “I’m not a junkie anymore, we can… we can go back to the way things were between us.”

“No, Costia… I don’t know. You... did my issues worse. I know that's not a really good of me to tell you that, but it's true. After your leaving it all got worse. I’m not the same person as I was previously. I can’t trust people so easily.” Lexa answered and Clarke sighed with relief. Brunette was reasonable, thank god. Also, Clarke started to think about the »issues« Lexa mentioned. All the issues Clarke knew about were with lactose intolerance, but blonde assumed that Lexa wasn't talking about them. There had to be something that brunette didn't tell her, much more serious.

“But… Lexa, you loved me once. And I loved you. And I... still do. Why don’t you want to try again? I know, I was awful then, but now I changed! I’m the new me and I still love you, as I already said. Please, give me one more chance and try me. I… I want to be with you again. I’ve never met someone like you.”

“I… I don’t know, Costia.” Lexa sighed, but both Anya and Clarke could notice that she was cracking on the inside. “I have to… think about it. I don’t know if I want a repeat…”

“You won’t get any.” Costia assured her immediately. 

“Trust me, I changed, seriously.”

“As I said, I don’t know.”

“Lexa, please… you…–“ she interrupted and Clarke couldn't resist but went straight to them. Anya couldn’t stop her.

“Lexa!” blonde smiled widely when she pretended to finally find her. “There you are! We’re looking for you for some time. Anya asks if you want to celebrate your victory with us.”

“Oh, Clarke…” Lexa was surprised, but she wasn’t blushing this time. Clarke noticed that, but she pretended like she didn't. “Yeah, that’s… kinda... um... weird proposition, because you said that my... my sister proposed it, but… why not. But now… I will finish this conversation... and I’ll find you guys, how about that?” she asked, giving Clarke simple signs that she didn’t want her around while she was speaking with Costia. Clarke gave her the most bright smile she could afford and she nodded with all the worry in her heart.

“Great, we’ll wait.” And she disappeared around the corner. She ran around the building and met Anya.

“Are you mad.” Woman sighed with disbelief.

“No.” Clarke stated. “Look, when she knows that somebody’s waiting for her she will want to end this conversation quickly.”

“Let’s say I believe you.” Anya sighed and she turned her head to her sister and her ex.

“Who was that?” Costia raised an eyebrow.

“My friend, Clarke.” Lexa stated calmly. “You know, now I’m here and I have some new friends. I have them just because.” She shrugged and Costia frowned.

“You like her, huh?” she asked angrily.

“What?” Lexa was surprised. “Maybe, I do, maybe I don’t, it’s none of your business, Costia. You disappeared from my life and now you want to go back. But… I have life without you, so…”

“You DO like her. And you’re… are you in love with her?” she was almost crying.

“Pathetic bitch.” Anya snapped quietly.

“And what if I am?” Lexa asked, looking at Costia with some sort of anger in her honey eyes. “I said that’s my business, not yours. And yes, I do like her, as I've already said, she's my friend.”

“Are you in love with her?” Costia repeated her question, trying not to cry and Lexa crossed her arms.

“No, I’m not.” Lexa stated with confidence and Clarke’s smile disappeared. Her heart was beating faster and she knew that it was because sorrow was overwhelming. Costia's face expression changed. She didn't want to cry anymore. She was happy and full of hope. Anya could say that all she had on her face, all the emotions, were artificial. “I do like her, but I don’t love her.”

“Then we have a chance.” Costia said and Lexa shook her head. Clarke leaned on the building’s wall. She sniffed, but Anya didn’t notice that.

“I said: I don’t want to say »no« now. But I don’t want to say »yes«, either.” Lexa shrugged. “I will call you. But for now… I’m done and I want to go for celebrating my victory with my friends.” She stated and she left Costia alone, now again with tears in her eyes.

She encountered Anya when she was on her way to patio. She bumped at her and she glanced at her sister. Elder woman looked like she was angry, because she was, but she didn't say a word. She was just waiting for her sister to explain.

“What are you doing here?” brunette asked, but her sister didn’t even have to answer. Lexa could add two to two. “You saw me with her and, you heard me talking to her.”

“Yes, I did.” Anya nearly snapped. “And I want you to explain this.”

“I don’t have to explain this to you.” Lexa was angry. “That’s my life and my business.”

“Your business?” Anya snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. Do I have to remind you about all that was when she left?” she asked, but Lexa remained silent, so Anya decided to go on. “And she is not indifferent towards you.” Anya shouted, pointing at Clarke.

“And who is this »she« you mentioned?” Lexa asked, not with anger, not even with interest and that shocked Anya even more.

“What?” she turned around and she noticed that Clarke was gone.

“I will pass with celebrating my victory tonight.” Lexa stated. “I want to be alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there was Clarke and there was Lexa and now there is also Costia and I don't have any idea how it will end. :D
> 
> Thank you for all your comments, kudos and bookmarks, I appreciate them and they are always welcome, so feel free to leave them here! Also, if you are some ideas feel free to share!
> 
> I hope you liked this one, because I had some fun writing this. :) until Tuesday!


	19. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is bonus update, one of two planned for today. I decided to go with "october's sundays" and I will be updating in one extra day in week, Sunday. I decided to do it because I love october and it leads to my favourite holiday which is Halloween.
> 
> What's more, I think that I will update in Halloween two chapters, just because I love it, and I hate Christmas. XD i hope you will like it and here we go, because I didn't update october 1st, then I will do it now.
> 
> October's Sundays #1, oct 1st.

“Clarke, what’s wrong?” Raven asked, when she found blonde crying in her dorm. "Sweetie, what happened? Have you found Lexa? And where’s Anya?”

“Yes, we have found Lexa.” Clarke sobbed, not looking at Raven. “And Anya is with her in their house.”

“And why are we not with them and Anya texted me to go and take care of you? What happened?” Raven seemed to be worried as shit and nothing prognosed the upcoming.

“Lexa… she was talking to Costia.” She stated. “She is wondering if she wants to go back to her or not.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Raven’e eyes became bigger. “Is she totally insane? Doesn’t she see what you feel for her?”

“Maybe she doesn’t.” Clarke shrugged. “You know, she doesn’t love me. I mean… she told Costia that she’s not in love with me, so…”

“WHAAAAAT.” Raven sat down on the edge of Clarke’s bed, waving her hands like helicopter. “Are you fucking kidding me once again?”

“No, I’m not.” Clarke sniffed. “She told her that she does like me, but she’s not in love with me, so Costia stated that they have some kind of chance for getting back together.”

“No, they haven’t.” Raven snapped, wiping out Clarke's tears. “I want to go there and talk to Lexa. Or Anya. Or, maybe, break Costia’s nose, whatever. Great if I could do everything.”

“Keep calm.” Clarke sighed. “I have no chance to be with her, so…”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sweetheart, you DO have a chance.” Raven interrupted her. “And I’ll tell you, why. You’re fresh. Like… you know, Costia was a junkie, and Lexa has bad memories with her. And you’re like white, new page in her life. She can either trust you or not, but she has no reason not to trust you, you get it, right?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded, trying to wipe her tears away.

“You know what? You’re right. We should go to Lexa and try to talk to her. Or, at least, we should try to talk to Anya.” she stated weakly, but her friend nodded eagerly.

“Good girl.” Raven smiled. “Get prepared.”

 

*

 

  
“Okay, now I don’t think that this is a good idea.” Clarke stated when she was going with Raven to meet Anya and Lexa.

“Staph, please.” Raven said. “This idea is brilliant. She needs to know about you and your feelings.”

“Eh…” Clarke started getting more nervous when they were approaching Lexa and Anya’s house. “Fuck, you heard it?”

“Are they shouting?” Raven was a little bit surprised, but she decided to get closer. Clarke followed her. They stopped at the door, none of them dared to knock. They heard voices from behind the door and they were surprised as fuck, because they assumed that they knew both voices.

“You’re the greatest fucking idiot in the world!” Anya shouted. “I can’t believe that you’re my sister! You dare to consider going back to her!”

“Yes, I am, so what’s the problem?! Don’t you understand that maybe I want to be happy?” Clarke and Raven heard Lexa shouting for the first time and that was… odd. Really, really odd. She always seemed to be so calm and quiet and then...

“And you think that you will be happy with this fucking junkie?!”

“Costia’s not a junkie anymore!” Lexa shouted, but her voice was unusual. Clarke noticed that she seemed not to be so sure of what she was speaking. And maybe that gave her a glimmer of hope.

“And you’re CERTAIN she’s not? Don’t you remember what she did to you? How did you feel this time? How you experienced life then? Do I really have to remind you of this all situations when you wasn’t capable of even GOING OUT OF BED?!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Lexa shouted, but in her voice there wasn’t any point. “I had issues before Costia, I had them when she was around and I have them now, after her! This is not her fault!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you fool!” Anya shouted with anger, knowing that she's right and Clarke with Raven could hear it in her voice. “After her everything got worse! She’s here just for using you once again, nothing more! She’s not the one meant for you!”

“And you know EXACTLY who is?!” Lexa didn’t believe her sister. “Because I don’t and I want to discover that.”

“Discover WHAT.” The sound seemed like faceplalm. “That she want to use you again and after all you will be all alone, destroyed and without any will to live?” Anya asked angrily. “Like before?”

“What?” Raven whispered, leaning to the door for hearing better. She was frightened.

“I don’t know, but sounds pretty scary.” Clarke stated, shivering. What was Anya talking about?

”Don’t even try to…”

“To WHAT.” Anya was losing her nerves. “You’re fucking bitch with two faces. You tell everybody that you don’t like people, that you don’t trust them and you will be all alone, because that’s your choice, but after all it turns out that the only thing you’re doing is to lie!” Anya shouted. “You say that you have mental issues, but you do all the things that made me think you’re okay. You’re not even learning from your mistakes! You want exactly the same situations as they were in the past. You…”

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

“You want to be sick because there were people who cared about you then and now you think there aren’t one. But you’re so fucking blind! There are people who DO care, but you’re not interested in them, because Costia had appeared. Try not to be blind!” Anya’s nerves was on the edge, her voice was slightly shaking, but she seemed to be strong this time. She sounded like she was sure of what she wanted to say. She was on the edge. “You tell me that you have your problems and now what?! You act like you’re normal, stupid teenager without any life experience which I assumed you were not. Once you’re scared about life and going out, you’re scared about looking people in the eye and you’re never looking at them when you’re talking with them, even now you barely look at me, but when you’re wearing goddamn mask you’re so fucking confident! You can pretend like whore and you know that I am right. You can’t separate your feelings from your common sense!”

“You’re such a fool!” Lexa wasn’t shouting. Her voice was at normal volume, low, harsh, but Clarke shivered, because she can sense the power in it. She could feel the ice cold words streaming down her spine in freezing drops, she thought that if she would have been on Anya's place, she would run away as fast as she could. “I’m not the one you think I am. Sometimes I just want to give second chance, because I always wanted to deserve it. And you never gave me this, so I decided to give it. But I’m not sure if I want to trust Costia again. And, still, I am allowing Clarke to be around me and I’m not pushing her away, because I wanted to give her a chance, so I am more than capable of separating feelings from my common sense!” she stated angrily.

“You’re such an idiot, I can’t…” Anya started, but Lexa interrupted her.

“And, I think you shouldn’t judge me, because I’m not judging you and I don’t want you to go into my life.”

“Your life is connected with mine, for fuck’s sake!” Anya shouted and Raven and Clarke could hear strange sound. They decided to enter the house. “YOU’RE MY FUCKING SISTER, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!”

“I’m NOT your fucking pet, I’ve already said it to you!” Lexa shouted, trying to stay calm, but she couldn’t really do that.

“You’re fucking stupid as hell! You’re bitch, you’re acting like a whore and I sometimes want you to not being born at all!” Anya shouted and Clarke and Raven could see how anger in Lexa’s face turns into wrath.

“SO WANT I!” she growled, and when Clarke had an impression that sisters would attack each other, Raven got between them.

“Stop!” She shouted and siblings were shocked.

“What are you two doing here?” Anya asked.

“Fuck.” Lexa snapped and Clarke could see some tears in her eyes. Brunette probably felt humiliated. She had her glasses and emerald eyes were even more emerald because of the tears. She turned around and she just got out of the house.

“What the fuck was going here, Anya!” Raven was pissed off. “How could you…”

“Raven, this is not your problem…” Anya tried to explain, but she started wrong and latina shook her head.

“If it’s not my problem what’s happening between you two, then it’s not my problem to be with you.” Raven stated. “I don’t wanna be with somebody who is capable of saying such a thing to her biological sister. Clarke, let’s go.”

“What?” Anya seemed to be scattered.

“I meant what I said.” Raven shrugged and she caught Clarke’s wrist and went out of building. “We have to find her. I don’t want her to do something stupid.”

“Neither want I.” Clarke nodded and they ran after brunette, leaving Anya alone with tears in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it. Tension rises and everything's gonna blow. I can promise you that, so until second update today!


	20. Words hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is second part of my today's bonus update for October's Sundays! I hope you will enjoy.
> 
> October's Sundays #2, oct 8th.

“Lexa!” Clarke shouted after some time. Raven and her were looking for brunette for at least an hour and they still couldn’t find her. They were running through the forest near Lexa's house but it seemed to be empty.

“Don’t you have any idea where she could be?” Raven asked with worry, trying to find some trail that Lexa left. She hoped that Clarke's love interest is okay.

“Maybe she could be on the grassland I found her recently… you know, when she had her guitar and so.” Clarke shrugged but her voice told Raven that she was slowly losing hope.

“We should check that.” Raven nodded and they ran across the forest to find this place.

“Fuck, I don’t even know what happened.” Clarke sighed while running. "How to help her."

“They fought.” Raven stated. “I left Anya because of her words. And I am worried, same as you probably, that Lexa can do something that we all would regret.”

“Spit it out.” Clarke said with shaking hands and heart. “I don’t want her to be hurt.”

“Neither do I.” Raven sighed, jumping at the trail. “Please, she has to be here.” She whispered and she entered the grassland, but she assumed that this place was totally empty. Stone fence and ashes after the bonfire, nothing more. Nobody was here and Raven cursed Lexa for disappearing. “For fuck’s sake, Anya was right. She really can vanish.”

“Yeah, she does.” Clarke looked tired, but she wanted badly to find Lexa and she was ignoring her exhaustion. She was looking around and she noticed that someone was running at the edge of the tress. Blonde wasn’t sure if she isn’t chasing the ghost, but she decided to take this risk and she ran towards what she saw and she assumed that she was actually chasing real person.

“Lexa?” she shouted and she noticed that the movement sound got louder and faster. She got her. Clarke ran even faster, just for reaching her goal and leaving latina behind.

“Clarke!” Raven was right behind the blonde.

“LEXA!” Clarke shouted and she jumped forward to catch her. She caught her wrist and stopped them. Lexa’s force pulled her some steps, but she finally stopped. Lexa freed her hand out of Clarke’s in the aggressive way and she glanced at girls with mix of anger, sadness and some kind of emotion that was strange to Clarke.

“What do you want?” she snapped. “Don’t you have enough after all that Anya said? You want to tell me something about me and my issues?” she was acting like animal that feels hemmed in. "About something that is none of your business?"

“No, we don’t…” Clarke tried to rest calm, but Raven took one step back because of what she saw on brunette’s face. These emotions weren’t good. Anyway, blonde was just relieved that Lexa was safe and sound. “We just… we wanted to know if you’re all right after that fight.”

“We didn’t actually fight.” Lexa snapped when Clarke tried to approach. Blonde took one step back like Raven before when she noticed that dangerous twinkle in Lexa's eye. It was frightening. “We were just arguing.”

“There were some words that shouldn't be said.” Clarke tried to be careful, because that case was fragile. “And I was worried…”

“You don’t have to. Neither of you have to.” Lexa snorted, pointing at Clarke and then at Raven. “I’m fine, I don’t want to talk to anybody about anything. Just… leave me alone.” Clarke noticed that she was standing straight. Her voice was powerful and there wasn’t any sign of shyness. Lexa was… the alpha. She exactly knew what she wanted to say and she was saying it no matter what. And she wanted to be left alone, so she vocalized that request.

It was strange for Clarke to see Lexa this way. She was used to see brunette as calm, shy but friendly and very smart yet underestimated person. And then? She was just dangerous, her intonation was sinister, she wanted them to step back and not to approach, building a huge wall between them. She was like furious wolf which wanted to protect its own territory that was invaded by poachers. Lexa seemed to be just ready to attack anyone who would dare to take one step too many towards her. And Clarke feel hurt about that. But she was also afraid of Lexa's interior, of that what she might feel that moment, even if brunette didn't care about it then.

“But, Lexa…” Clarke tried one more time. “I… I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Anya… Anya said too much in the wrong way, she…”

“Don’t you dare spitting on her.” Lexa interrupted her with ice cold voice and Clarke, unknowingly, took one more step back. “She’s my sister and when she’s saying something she actually means it. If she have said that she wants me sometimes not to exist, that means that she want me to be dead or never born, okay? I get used to it, it’s nothing new and I’m not a victim. And now, get away.”

“No." Clarke took one step forward, because she felt some kind of courage. She wanted be close to her. She wanted to get to know Lexa, but she had to obtain permission to do it. “I want to know if everything is all right with you.”

“Yes, everything’s all right.” Lexa stated with harsh voice. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Why? Lexa, please, I’m just trying to understand.” blonde pleaded, trying to reach this Lexa she knew, this person who was so warm and adorable, who was hiding behind this cold wall of ice and icicles.

“Because I know you. You’re all the same.” Lexa shrugged with anger in her voice. “All the people I got to know are the same. Costia was a bitch and she left me when I needed her, but I'm trying to figure something out with her. Anya was leaving or building a wall between us when I cried for help, so I started doing the same. I’m done with people and their manipulations and you’re just like them. I know that people in my life equals shit in my life. And I’m sick of it. I can’t be with Costia, ‘cause my sister will kill me because of it. I can’t be who I am, because of other people. I have to hide the real me behind the mask, because I’m afraid of everything that might happen. I’m not the one you think I am and I know you’re not the one you made me see you are, Clarke. All relationships are another problems in life and I don’t wanna get them. I have enough and you will, probably, too, but I’m just okay with not being around anybody. That’s better for each side.” She finished, staring at Clarke so firmly that Clarke hardly refrained from bursting into tears.

Lexa noticed that blonde had tears in her eyes, but she did nothing. She felt the same. She felt alone in the world, scared about anything and she just knew, that her life is one, big mess. She wanted to know what exactly she is and what’s on her mind, but eventually everything she felt was loss. She was so fucking lost in everything and she wanted to end this.

“Lexa, please, let me explain…” Clarke started approaching, but Lexa’s hard sight stopped her.

“Clarke I think that’s not…” Raven started, catching Clarke's shirt and pulling her closer. She was anxious about what might happen when Lexa was not exacly the Lexa they had known. Brunette glanced at latina in the unfriendly way, but Raven could see small spark of gratitude in ice cold emerald eyes.

“You’re the girl who have friends, Clarke. You want to spend your time with them and when the situations are bad, you’re looking for distraction. I know, I’m great distraction, but I’m sick of being one. I don’t need somebody, who appears when her friends are messing around with their significant other and she’s the only person who’s single. I’m not an item, and you should know that. “ she stated so harsh, that Clarke shivered and felt tears filling her eyes again.

She didn't have any chance to say something, because Lexa turned around, ran through the forest and, after less than a minute, she was gone between the trees.

“Lexa, no!” Clarke shouted and she wanted to run after her, but Raven caught her waist and stopped her. “Just talk to me!”

“Clarke, it’s not the best idea to chase her. Not now.” Raven whispered, when Clarke was struggling with her arms. “She doesn’t want to talk to anybody.”

“LEXA!” Clarke cried out into the night and she wanted so badly to talk to her. Just try to explain that she’s not the way Lexa thought she is towards her. She had never wanted brunette to feel like she was feeling then. Like she was feeling when she left. Clarke actually… “I… I think I love you…” she whispered, falling on her knees. Raven hugged her and Clarke was crying.

“Shhh, it will be all right.” latina whispered to blonde’s ear, trying to comfort her and calm her down. She had a hint what was going through Clarke's mind, she knew that all blonde felt then was guilt and deep pain because of what had just happened. Raven knew that all Clarke needed in that moment was steady and firm support. And Raven was there for her. She helped Clarke stand up and she took her back to her dorm. "She didn’t mean what she said.”

But Clarke wasn’t so sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one kinda broke my heart, but I had to do this. Forgive me.
> 
> I hope that you liked it and that you won't kill me now. As usual, any ideas or comments are welcome, let me know what you think! Thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments you've already left, that's amazing!
> 
> Thank you for being there and reading it. :)  
> I'll leave you with it until Tuesday. ^^


	21. Silence screams the loudest

Clarke was sorrowful all the night and she barley could sleep. She was fighting with her thoughts and she wanted to make things straight. She didn’t deserve the way that Lexa treated her, but she knew, that brunette had a reason for thinking that way. Blonde was lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling with unfriendly thoughts filling her head. She knew that Lexa’s behavior was determined by that what had happened before this… conversation, but this word was not the right word to describe that. She needed to talk to Lexa. She needed to know how was the ground she was standing on. Clarke sighed, trying not to fall apart.

“I can’t.” she sobbed, not even trying to wipe her tears away. Warm drops streamed down her cheeks, making wet her cover and pillow, but she didn’t give a shit about it. She had just shut the door and refused to talk to anyone, like Lexa had done. “Why are you still in my mind?” she whispered, pulling out her sketchbook form under her pillow. She opened it and she stared at her sketches from previous weeks.

She had been sketching almost all the time since she met the dancer and she didn’t stop when she finally solved her mystery. Clarke stopped flicking through her sketchbook when she saw drawing of Lexa when she was sitting in the classroom. Clarke noticed that she had drown brunette in a little bit strange position; she was facing the big poster from Clarke’s photo and she was… she seemed like her mind was absent that time. Clarke smiled with pain on her face and she felt the tears falling down. She’d closed her eyes for couple of seconds and then she sighed. When she opened her eyes, she barely seen her sketches. She recalled every moment of what had happened. The moment when she saw Lexa for the first time. The moment, when she saw her on judo competition. The moment, when brunette told her her name. The moment when she finally started talking with her, when everything seemed just fine… like it had never been before. Clarke felt relieved, she felt so good knowing that Lexa was around that she could always talk to her… and then everything was gone. Lexa was gone, not wanting to talk to anyone about anything, probably locked in her room and refusing seeing anyone. Clarke sniffed and she stared at her favourite sketch; it was drawn couple days ago, when she had break. She sketched Lexa’s face. The only colour that she put on the drawing was green colour of brunette’s eyes. Blonde noticed that she sketched Lexa when she had joy and playful twinkle in her eyes, her face expression was warm, but her features were noble and created Lexa’s image as brave and protective person that Clarke really wanted her to be. And she didn’t know anymore if that was true or not.  
Blonde turned the page and she shut the sketchbook. She realized that the only thing she’d sketched was Lexa. She threw small notebook to the corner of her room and her face was wet of tears. Thick cover of her sketchbook slapped the wall with loud noise, but Clarke didn’t mind. She couldn’t help but cry, because of all that happened the day before and that was a little bit more than Clarke could cope with. She looked around her place and she noticed the pile of photos she took and developed. She stood up and she went to the table just for taking them. She glanced at them and she sat down on the chair with big sob out of her mouth. She felt the tears falling down on the table, but she didn’t want to do anything with them. She was sure, that if she let them fall, they will finally end.

She started flicking through the photos and she sadly smiled. They showed her some points of her life, the most recent ones, which made her stunned, happy and excited. Clarke categorised them according to events they were from. She did five smaller piles of photos from Tribal Dance Night, this night in Growl, the judo competition, Warriors’ basketball match, and Raccoons’ match. Clarke took her camera everywhere and she was taking photos when she could. She smiled, when she noticed some of the photos were really good ones. Clarke decided to take the best shots and she took the one from professor Newman’s poster, one more from that night when she photographed the whole group with Lexa in front of them, then she took three dynamic photos from judo competition and on all of them there was Lexa who was winning by ippon. And her opponents were, to be honest, flying above her or so. Next photos she chose were from Growl, Clarke took two with dancing Lexa in the light of candles. And, from the two matches, she chose one with Octavia who was in the middle of slam dunk and one with Lexa who was in the middle of very high jump, for scoring the last point in the match.

Clarke glanced at the rest of the photos and she noticed that one of them contained one person who Clarke hadn’t liked, even if she didn’t really know her.

“Costia.” Blonde whispered and she could sense tears in her eyes again. She couldn’t tell if she was angry because of this girl, anxious or just upset. “You’re about to took the only person, who my mind can think of.”

Clarke was shattered because she had strange feeling of hatred for this woman. Costia appeared and then she took blonde’s hope for knowledge of Lexa. Clarke wanted so much to get to know brunette and she even wanted to be her friend and maybe… maybe some more, but… but then Costia appeared and Clarke had seen how Lexa was looking at her. Blonde knew that brunette was still feeling something for Bullets’ captain, even if she had done something horrible to her. Clarke was sure that love cannot be wiped out so easily. She was hurt because she actually really wanted to know Lexa, every detail of her life, everything that Lexa would probably decide to tell her, but when Costia appeared she scratched out every chance Clarke had ever had. She sniffed and looked at Lexa’s ex girlfriend on the photo. She wanted to crumple this one so badly, but she knew that wouldn’t help in anything. Besides, on that photo there was also Lexa and that was the best reason that she mustn’t do that. This photo didn’t deserve destroying because of one persona non grata on it.

But Clarke also knew that Anya had said that Lexa was ready to forget Costia. Clarke set her teeth and she hit the table with her fist, making a very loud noise. “For fuck’s sake, Costia, what you’re here for?” she asked the air and she looked around. “Or… you’re not here anymore. You’re on the other university. You’re not a threat to me anymore.”

Clarke went back to her bed and she had a glimmer of hope because Costia was no longer there and Lexa was.

 

*

 

When she appeared on her classes, she had dark shadows under her eyes and she looked very sad. She had her bag on the back, she had her substitutive sketchbook in one hand, because she just couldn’t look at sketches that she put so much emotions in, and a huge cup of coffee in the other. She was exhausted, but she wanted to talk to Lexa, at least try, and figure out, what was on her mind.

Clarke sat where Lexa used to sit, in the second range and she waited for her crush. She became nervous, but she finally noticed brunette when she went to the class, with her honey eyes, which made blonde a little bit sad, her braided hair, black skinny jeans, black tanktop and, differently than usual, oversized black hoodie. Clarke smiled shyly, but her smile quickly faded when Lexa gave her unfriendly gaze, she walked past her and she sat on Clarke’s place. Blonde wanted to change it quickly, but then professor came in and the lecture had started.

 

*

 

“Clarke, you look terrible.” Raven stated when she noticed her friend. “What happened? Did you talk to Lexa? She’s not looking so good today either.”

“She’s avoiding me.” Clarke whispered with pain in her voice. “I wanted to try to talk to her and I was doing everything what was possible to do it and… she didn’t let me even approach to her.”

“Why? She… she looks like a ghost. She’s not… What.” Raven couldn’t find words. She had seen Lexa morning, when she was running to the science classes when she was already late for and she noticed Lexa going for history classes. She looked terrible and her ambience was repulsive as fuck. Nobody wanted to get on her way.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t want to talk to me. She… I don’t know. It’s…”

“Maybe you can go to her training and try to catch her there?” Raven asked, looking at Clarke with worry in her eyes. “She wouldn’t be able to escape from there. And you’re not… you.”

“I can’t just be me.” Clarke shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep all night.”

“Maybe you... you should try. I can go with you.”

“No, it’s not necessary.” Clarke shook her head. “I will go… I can handle it.”

“You’re sure?” Raven was a little bit suspicious. She knew what was the situation the day before. She knew that Clarke was totally broken, but blonde had sent latina home, telling her that she would go to sleep and try not to think about what happened. And Raven sighed, when she realized that Clarke actually had not done what she told her she would do. “You know… I can…”

“No, I can do this.” Clarke stated, trying to be firm, but her voice was cracking. Raven pretended that she didn’t notice that and blonde was grateful of this. “But thanks. And…” she glanced at her watch. “I should go. Thanks once more!” And she ran towards the gym.

 

*

 

Clarke was standing in the gym, looking at Raccoons who were running and throwing the ball across the playground, but Clarke wasn’t really focused on the Raccoons. She was focused on the only one of them.

Number thirteen, the one who she fell in love with. Clarke was looking at her, and she noticed that Raven was right. Lexa looked like a ghost. Like shadow of herself, like she was so fucking exhausted. But she was still the best on the playground. She was ending every action they started, just because she had so much anger in her. Clarke could see it, Lexa was angry like hell. She was also focused on what she was doing and she didn’t notice Clarke. Blonde was looking at her, totally amazed with what she was doing and she realized that even there, on the playground, when sexuality wasn’t necessary, Lexa’s moves were perfect. She was fast, she was nimble, she was unpredictable. She did everything with precision and she was very effective. Clarke sighed and then she realized that Lexa was dangerous in the stadium she was in. And, also, she was extremely hot.

Her throws were so powerful, that none of three goalkeepers of this team could stop them. Lexa was angry and Lexa had the power to prove it to herself and to them. She was unstoppable even more than during last match. Lexa was the best of them all. They were playing mini match in small teams and she was outstanding.

And finally Clarke noticed that Lexa was looking at her. She was bouncing the ball and she was looking at Clarke with something disturbing in her eyes. Their coach whistled and she started the action. She threw the ball to her mate and she ran towards the goal with her eyes on Clarke.

She glanced at her team mate when she screamed her name. Lexa caught the ball before the goal line, she jumped so high that Clarke was amazed, she turned around for avoiding hands of her opponents and she let the ball go with all the force she had, throwing it from behind her. She landed on the floor, with her back turned to goalkeeper, when this girl was pulling the ball out of the net. Lexa’s eyes were on Clarke and Clarke knew exactly what brunette’s eyes wanted to say: “Leave me alone, I can live all by myself.”

So Clarke turned around and she ran out of building, trying to stop the tears and trying not to let the fear control her moves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, there we are. It seems like shy Lexa turned into dangerous one (or not), but still, she doesn't want to talk to Clarke and I hate her for it. Also, I can't promise anything.
> 
> Yeah, in that case I'm sorry, but. XD
> 
> Thank you for all the support; comments kudos and bookmarks you've left and feel free to leave them still. :)
> 
> Also, let me know what you think on comments! Until Friday!


	22. Crying for help

The next week situation didn’t get any better. Lexa still didn’t want to talk to Clarke, but what changed… at least she wasn’t so angry anymore. She was more like upset and Clarke could see it, so could Raven and Octavia. They also noticed that she wasn’t present on most of the classes and when she was, she looked terrible. Like she didn’t remember what was sleep and how to do it. She looked like a ghost that was haunting this university. She was always alone, always disappeared when somebody wanted something from her, she didn’t let anyone near her. Clarke was thinking about her all the time and she was wondering what was going on, because something was obviously wrong.

Blonde attended her classes, but nothing apart from that. Her friends barely could see her and they weren’t even talking. Clarke was so silent and not eager for talking to anybody. She was out of her dorm only for classes and then she went right back to her room. She was lying on her bed and thinking about what was wrong with her or, maybe, what was wrong with Lexa, because lactose intolerance didn’t cause such a bad mood.

Clarke noticed that Lexa seemed to be shattered, but neither the blonde, nor her friends had a clue why was that. Brunette was more silent than previously, she didn’t talk with anybody and she was running away from everybody who wanted to talk to her and that actions were like some kind of panic attacks reactions. It wasn’t normal, but Clarke didn’t have anybody to ask about it, because Lexa didn’t want to talk to her and Raven didn’t talk with Anya. Clarke was torn apart, because she wanted to talk to Lexa, but she knew that it was pointless. And talking with Anya… she didn’t want to argue with Raven because of that. And she was still considering if she approves what Anya had done or not. Apart from that she was a little bit angry because of the way Lexa had treated her, like, damn, she tried to be nothing but empathetic to her and all she obtained was anger and aggressive behavior towards her.

“Clarke, for fuck’s sake, you’re your own shadow.” Raven stormed blonde’s room, actually breaking in with her new universal key that she did this day and looked at her friend. “Why didn’t you talk to us? Why you’re hiding there?”

“We’re worried.” Octavia nodded her head and sat on the chair near Clarke’s bed. She noticed the photos on the table. “What’s that?”

“Photos.” Clarke shrugged. “As you can see.”

“Clarke, why is it on the floor?” Raven took blonde’s sketchbook. Clarke hadn’t moved this item since it was thrown there some time ago. “What’s going on? What happened on the training you’ve been on?” latina looked worried. “You said nothing for a week, we tried to get to you, you cannot escape from everything that’s not good in your life, sweetie. We’re your friends. You have to talk to us, we’re here for you same as you’ve always been for us.”

“Nothing special.” Clarke shrugged again, recalling the mischanceful training she had been on. She was imagining this situation over and over again since it had happened and she couldn’t get rid of it. “She was playing handball. Like usual. Perfectly. She was… awesome, she’s really good.”

“Okay, you can skip that, sweetie.” Raven said gently, sitting on the edge of Clarke’s bed. “We know that you fell for her and that everything she’s doing is perfect to you. Tell us what was later.”

“I’ve already said it. Nothing special. She was angry all the time, but still good in what she was doing. She scored the last goal I saw and then she looked at me. She was… angry, so angry. I can feel it even now, that was… pretty scary. And maybe she was sorrowful. I could feel it. In her eyes there was something disturbing, I don’t know exactly what that was, but… as I said, that was frightening. Like… like she knows that she would not ever be happy.”

“That’s quite melodramatic, isn’t it?” Octavia asked while flicking through the photos that Clarke chose. “You know… what you’re saying.”

“Maybe a little.” Clarke shrugged, seeming totally indifferent towards her words. “But you know… she wasn’t looking at me with some pathetic feeling like, I don’t know, need for somebody’s attention. She was rather… I don’t know really how to name it, but it was kinda… she showed me that she could be independent and that she wants to be alone. Or maybe… I don’t know, maybe she just HAS TO be alone.”

“Nobody has to be alone, Clarke.” Octavia sighed. “And that’s… weird what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, it is.” Raven nodded. “But what was next?”

“She was looking at me and I was looking at her. I wanted to go to her, but she seemed so angry that I had not had enough courage. And you know that I’m not a coward, so… making me scary is quite impressive if you succeed doing it with me.” Clarke confessed, glancing at her friends and she obtained confirming nods from both girls. “You know… her eyes were telling me that she want to live her life alone. And that she… I don’t know, that she think that liking someone is weakness, you know what I mean…”

“You’re such a fool.” Raven facepalmed loudly and Octavia didn’t say anything. “Or she is. I don’t really know.” She stated. “You also may be overinterpretating. I know that liking someone is not a weakness and thinking that way is nothing more than stupidity.”

“But…”

“I know what you want to say.” Raven raised her hand to interrupt Clarke. Octavia stood up and she approached to the cork mat on Clarke’s wall and she started to pin the photos.

“What… what are you doing?” Clarke asked, looking at her with concern.

“I’m pinning it.” Octavia stated, shrugging. “You know that these are the best moments in your academic life, even if you haven’t really known Lexa’s name yet. You liked these moments and they are recalling you joyful emotions you’d felt then.”

“And what’s the reason I have to have them on my wall?” Clarke sat on her bed, looking at Octavia suspiciously. Raven smiled.

“You still can recall the memories of Lexa talking to you when you were on the party. You can still remember your conversations when you were going for coffee or something. You were on her judo training and you could see how she became happy and extremely focused. You’re stunned when you’re looking at her, your eyes are shining when you’re doing it. You can’t forget her. And you won’t. You like these memories, so… you should have them pinned. And make the next ones.” Octavia assumed and Raven nodded. Clarke was silent. “And… I’m sorry for now, but I got my training, I have to go. Hold on, blondie.” She comforted Clarke by hugging her and she nodded to Raven and then she was gone.

“I tried to approach and talk to her.” Clarke stated, interrupting the silence. “She… she just didn’t seem to want it as I did.”

“I know what you think.” Raven nodded, looking at her friend. “You probably think that she doesn’t like you, but that’s bullshit. I think that she cares for you.”

“How can you tell?” Clarke seemed to be curious.

“Just like… you know…–“ Raven shrugged. “–she let you in her room. She allowed you to talk to her then and she… she wanted to disappear when she went out of the pool. Anya wasn’t so kind for her, her sister wasn’t so kind for Anya too, but I could see that Lexa was so, so sorry for what happened to you. And then she went back to her house and she was a little bit ashamed of that situation. And yet, she still let you in, you got it?”

Clarke nodded and Raven stood up. She had an idea. “Clarke, please, get your shit together.” She stated. “I’ll do my best, but you have to be strong.”

“I promise I’ll try.” Blonde smiled sadly and Raven was out. Clarke stood up and approached to the cork mat on her wall and she glanced at the photos. She noticed that one is missing.

Octavia took the one with her in the middle of slam dunk and, because of that, Clarke had the gallery of pictures showing Lexa.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“You look like shit.” She heard when she got out of the bathroom. She glanced at her watch with luminous needles and she learned that it was 2 AM. She turned around and she saw Anya.

“Thanks.” Lexa stated, shrugging and trying not to look at her sister. Her silhouette was lit by the beam of light peering out of her bedroom. Lexa was lit by this light too, but when the beam met the obstacle like Anya, the light that grazed on Lexa was way darker.

“That’s nothing to thank for.” Anya’s voice was not so friendly. It was worried and anxious. “What’s the matter? You can’t sleep?”

“As usual.” Lexa shrugged, thinking about these three hours of sleep she had that week. And three hours was total. “Sorry, I have to go…” she stated and tried to sneak to her room, but Anya took step forward and she caught Lexa’s long sleeve. Brunette stopped, but she didn’t look at her sister.

“You don’t have to go anywhere, Lex.” Anya stated, looking at her sister anyway. “If you can’t sleep, then you have time to talk.”

“An, you’re going to work for couple of hours, you need to get some sleep.”

“Same as you.” Anya said firmly. “Please, look at me. Lexa?” she asked, but her sister ignored this request. “Alexandria, please, look at me.” She stated and Lexa had to glance at her, just because she knew that if Anya was using her full name (and there was nobody that was doing that, because nobody was really aware that "Lexa" was diminutive) something was really on her mind. Emerald eyes met dark brown and Anya sighed. “Hey, I’m worried about you. How much sleep did you get?”

“I don’t really know.” Lexa shrugged.

“When had you been sleeping for the last time then?” she asked, looking at her sister carefully. She needed to know that, she needed to see every reaction, every emotion, even these that Lexa tried to hide. When she was restless, she was also a little bit weaker and Anya waited for that moment, but it didn’t come. “Lexa, answer me, please.”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe yesterday, maybe two days ago, I don’t really know.” Lexa groaned, trying not to reveal her »secret«, looking at Anya and she crossed her arms. “I don’t remember, okay? I just… I’m not so well.”

“I see.” Elder one sighed, glancing at Lexa. ”But, even if your organism is shutting down, you’re still so fucking strong that you refuse to ask for help.”

“I don’t need any help. I had my visit planned and you know that I will go when it will be time. And, for now, I’m… I’m just okay.”

“That’s not so really great hidden lie, Lexa.” Anya sighed once again. “You’re contradicting your own words. You’re exhausted.”

“No, I’m not.” Lexa shook her head, but Anya could see that this movement was careful and Lexa didn’t waste so much energy for it and elder woman knew exactly, why was that. Her sister didn’t have much energy for anything and she needed to do some reserves.

“What you’re doing then? When you can’t sleep.”

“Trying to.” Lexa shrugged, but Anya shook her head.

“No, you’re not. Don’t try to lie to me, please. I can see that every time I’m out of my room there’s light in yours. What are you doing?”

“I’m… reading. I’m learning, trying to think about something. That depends.” Younger shrugged.

“On what?” Anya was curious, but she also wanted to help her sister. She remembered that Lexa had problems with insomnia some time ago, but then she had broken and she finally decided to ask for help. But not this time.

“I don’t know, maybe on my mood.”

“And what were you doing before you got out for visiting bathroom?” Anya glanced at her sister carefully and Lexa sighed.

“I was thinking.”

“About what?”

“About meaning of life.” Lexa stated without hesitation and Anya shivered. _Fuck_ , she thought. _Not again_.

“You mean?”

“What I said.” Lexa shrugged. “You know, I was just wondering… nevermind.”

“Lexa…”

“No, Anya. Please. I don’t wanna go back, okay? That passed.” she asked and Anya carefully and slowly nodded, but she didn't believe her sister. “I… I need to go. Now.”

“Okay, but Lexa…” Anya stopped for a while just for thinking. “Please, remember that I’m always there for you. If you need me… just come in.” She stated and Lexa nodded with tired smile on her face.

“I need to go. I have classes tomorrow… today.” She stated, but Anya shook her head.

“Maybe you could not go? You should stay home and try to get some rest.”

“No way.” Lexa sighed. “I need to learn. I need to do something. Goodnight. If not... I'll go crazy.” She stated and she went to her room, closing the door behind her.

“I don’t know how I can help you…” Anya whispered with small drops of tears in her eyes. She knew that it was bad with Lexa, but without knowing WHAT was the reason, she couldn’t do anything. And her heart hurt because of that.

She had set her teeth and wiped out her tears. Then she stepped back to her room but she didn’t close her door. When she turned off the light she could still see that there was a beam of light from under Lexa’s door. And it was still there when Anya finally fell asleep at 5 AM.

 

*

 

**RAVEN**

“Hey, hey, please, wait!” she shouted, running after the girl with braids. “Please, wait!”  
Lexa finally stopped and she turned around. The sight of her honey eyes was unfriendly and she was trying to avoid all of Clarke’s friends, and, of course, Clarke herself.

“Can I help you, Raven?” Lexa asked officially and Raven sighed. She could have predicted that. Lexa was the biggest mystery she had ever known.

“Actually… yes. Can you just talk to me for a few seconds?” latina was freaking nervous and her hands were shaking for no reason. She knew Lexa a little and she knew that this girl wasn’t dangerous. And now? She could notice one change in this girl she was talking to. She seemed to be more confident and she seemed to be more… unapproachable.

“For what?” she asked with her eyesight cold as arctic wind. “You came to me because Clarke had sent you?” her voice was extremely harsh and Raven barely refrained herself of taking one step back because of that cold wall she met in front of her.

“No, she didn’t send me.” Latina stated. “I came because I wanted to.”

“You want to ask me about my sister then?” Lexa looked at her even more harshly than previously.

“No.” This time Raven had enough courage to look brunette in the eye with her voice stone cold. “I won’t. I want to talk about Clarke, but she doesn’t know that I’m doing this.”

“Interesting.” Lexa said, crossing her arms. “But I’m not sure if I want to talk to you.”

“Please, just give me ten minutes.” Raven begged and Lexa snorted.

“You have five.” She stated and she glanced at her watch. Raven shook her head, but she didn’t want to give up.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking and what’s on your mind and I don’t know you, to be honest. But I do know Clarke and I want to tell you about it. I met her seven years ago and she showed me her sketchbook. She had it until now, she is used to use it on several occasions. She’s using it when she’s stressed or something’s on her mind. And during past few weeks the only thing she’d sketched was you. She’s also taking photos and all the photos she took, except the ones from Warriors’ basketball match, includes you. She really likes you and she is more than upset because you don’t even want to talk to her. Look, I know that you feel betrayed by your own sister, because of what she’d told you and I totally understand it, but it’s not what Clarke thinks. She’s not like you think people are. She… as I’ve already said, she really likes you and she wishes you all the best, so… I think that you could at least speak to her. Just talk. For a few minutes. One more time, maybe you will change your mind and your opinion about her and…”

“Five minutes have passed.” Lexa interrupted Raven, glancing at her watch with quiet, but still powerful voice. “Thank you for your interest, but, for now I should go.”

And she walked by Raven for coming back home, thinking about what happened. And, to be honest, she wanted to think about it, but she needed solemnity. Latina turned around and she looked at Lexa’s back.

“I don’t want to judge you, but you’re…”

“Then don’t do it.” Lexa raised her hand, not even wanting to turn and look at Raven.

“For fuck’s sake, what’s wrong with you.” Raven snapped. “But, at least, I tried.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, Lexa's still weird, but maybe you will be more tender judging her this time. She had hard times, but it will reveal, so no spoilers. XD I'm trying to understand Raven, but I really can't, so maybe I'm odd or something?
> 
> Anyway, here's next chapter, as you could see, Raven tried. I hope you liked it, because I, in some way, did.
> 
> Thank you for all kudos, bookmarks and comments you've left! I'm glad that you're here. :) if you have any idea or whatever you wanted to say, feel free to leave comment down below or write to me on my tumblr firepath.tumblr.com.
> 
> Until Sunday!


	23. Desperation comes first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I have the pleasure to welcome you on October's Sundays! It's 1 AM but I can't sleep, as usual, so I decided to update it now, because it's already Sunday. XD enjoy.
> 
> October's Sundays #3.

“You did what.” Saying that Clarke was pissed off would be a mistake. She was so angry, that Raven wanted to evaporate. “YOU DID WHAT?”

“I’ve talked to her.” Raven repeated, trying to prepare for the worst. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Clarke, I thought that it will help!”

“And now I’m perfectly sure that she will hate me even more, because I had not had enough courage to catch her, slap her in the face and just try to talk to her!”

“I didn’t slap her.” Raven tried to defend herself, but Clarke snorted.

“If you tried…”

“Yeah, I know, I would be dead faster than I could even say my name.” She stated, rising her hands to defend herself. “Look, Clarke, I get it, I’m a dumbass, but I wanted the best!”

“As usual!” Clarke shouted, but she couldn’t be angry at Raven. She understood that latina wanted just to get some things straight. “Just… ARGH, just don’t try to help me anymore. Not in the way like this, okay?”

“I’ll try.” Raven nodded. “But…”

“How was she?” Clarke asked, surprising Raven.

“You mean…?”

“I mean what I said.” Blonde shrugged. “How was she?”

“From close? She looked worse than a ghost, zombie and shadow fused.” Raven stated. “She seemed to be more exhausted and having enough life than she seems to be from longer distance. Like she had not slept for forever, she had shadows under her eyes. Yet her voice was powerful and she was harsh and stone cold towards me. I was… that’s probably a shame, but I was so fucking afraid that she could do something to me…”

“She’s tender, she wouldn’t…”

“Don’t you dare saying it.” Raven raised her hand to interrupt blonde. “In her eyes there was… oh, fuck, I can’t even describe it. She was like fucking Cthulhu. She was frightening and I thought that she would eat me. Also, she still remember what I’ve done to Anya and maybe that was the reason why she was so harsh towards me. Like… you know, if she could, she probably would impale me on the icicles that flew from her eyes.”

“You’re exaggerating.” Clarke laughed. “ She has nothing to do with your decision. But go on.”

“I was speaking with her and asked her for ten minutes and she gave me five, you hear it? FIVE FUCKING MINUTES for speaking about you.” Raven became pissed off. “And I had to cope with that, so I said that you really like her and about your photos and sketchbook…”

“WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?!” Clarke couldn’t believe in what she was hearing. “You told her about my sketchbook?” Blonde didn’t believe. That was a secret that nobody knew, apart from Raven and it turned out that Raven revealed this secret to Lexa who was pissed off on Clarke. _Fuck my life_ , Clarke groaned internally and she glanced at Raven with lightnings in her eyes, but latina pretended that she hadn’t seen it at all.

“Yes, and about your sketches.” she stated. “Look, I had to. It was fucking important for that situation. She had to know what you’re feeling for her and I didn’t want to spit in on her like, you know, »hey, bitch, you’re such a blind fool, you cannot see that there’s someone who cares about you so fucking much and she is so in love with you and that’s Clarke. And, for fuck’s sake, you should finally see it and do something with it, because she will not be waiting for all eternity for you to just say hello to her, got it, jerk?«. It would be rude and, also, I think it would be kinda pushy, because it’s not my business, at least it’s probably her who can think that way. And saying that you love her, even you’re still denying it, is not really my thing to do, Clarke.”

Blonde sat on her bed and she covered her face with hands. She was helpless and scared to death for what Raven had done. She was ashamed of that her friend just went to Lexa and told her about Clarke’s emotions, even if it had not been in the most open way she could’ve done it. At least there was something that Clarke could be thankful for and that was the fact that Raven told Lexa that Clarke loves her METAPHORICALLY. “For fuck’s sake, you said it to her. And she did what?”

“She listened. Didn’t interrupt. And when I said that she should talk to you or just try to listen you… she told me that my time’s out and she went back home.”

“She didn’t want to know me then.” Clarke stated, shrugging, but she felt strong needle of pain that stung her right in her heart. She felt that Lexa wouldn’t want to talk to her and that she rejected her without even telling her about it. “But…”

“Don’t. She do care about you and I could see it from behind the wall she had built between us. She maybe is cold and she didn’t want anybody to know something about her, but it’s like she actually wants to know about you and she wants to know you.”

“I…I think I know with I should talk to.” Clarke stated suddenly and she stood up with some clear ideas. Raven was surprised, but before she was even capable of speaking, Clarke was gone.

 

*

 

“Open, I know you’re there!” Clarke was knocking at the door for ten minutes, but she knew that the house isn’t empty. “Anya, for fuck’s sake!” she hit the wooden surface one more time and then the door was open.

“What the fu… Clarke?” Anya was surprised when she noticed who was standing in front of her. “What are you doing here? Lexa isn’t home.” She stated, but Clarke shook her head.

“I know. I came to you, may I come in?” she asked politely and Anya nodded. She let blonde in and she shut the door. Women went to the kitchen and Anya pointed at chair. Clarke nodded and she sat on it.

“What happened that you’re here?” the oldest one asked. “Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee, thanks.” Blonde said. “I am totally desperate. You’re the last one who I can talk to about it.”

“What’s up?” Anya looked at her, giving Clarke her coffee. The oldest one made tea for herself and she sat in front of blonde. “You… you’re not looking so good, I’m sorry, no ofence.”

“None taken.” Clarke waved her hand. “I was trying to talk to Lexa, but she didn’t want to. So I am here… I don’t know I tried to convince Raven to talk to you, but she didn’t want it. I’ll try…”

“Don’t Clarke.” Anya interrupted her gently. “If she doesn’t want to talk to me… I won’t force her to. I want her to know that that phrase wasn’t what I meant at all. She didn’t want to hear this, but maybe, when she will simmer down, she will want to. But… I think that’s not this problem that brought you here.”

“No.” Clarke nodded, taking a sip of her black coffee. Strong, black, bitter, like her recent life. “You’re right. I wanted you to ask… how are things between you and your sister since the fight you’ve got?”

“That wasn’t actual fight…” Anya shrugged and Clarke smiled when she realized that Lexa said the same thing, but a little bit louder and in more aggressive way than the woman sitting in front of Clarke did. “That was rather arguing. But we’re doing fine, like always. We were silent for some time, like, I don’t know, maybe two or three days, passing by each other and giving unfriendly glances, but that’s how we’re doing. And now it all backed to normal. She is silent, but sometimes talks to me and I am the loud one, who sometimes talk to her. And we’re living this way.”

“Is… I wonder if Lexa is always so aggressive.” Clarke stated, turning her mug in her hands. “I mean… she seems to be more angry and aggressive than usual. Don’t get me wrong, it’s just… you know. I know she…”

“Stop, I know what are you talking about.” Anya smiled. “Lexa is just… hm, let’s say, savage. She doesn’t want to be tamed. I tried once and what I know for sure is that I will never try to tame her again. She has her medicines, which I would not tell you about, because if she doesn’t want to talk about them, then I’m not allowed to do it. She behaves sometimes like an animal, but she’s just lost. In life, she has never known how to… erm… do life well, let’s say it that way. You know. I’m just… sometimes I’m worried about her and that’s all.” She said and Clarke nodded, considering if she should ask if that medicine Lexa’s sister was talking about was for lactose intolerance but she assumed that it was that and she didn’t press. “And she’s not sleeping well recently and I’m also worried about that.”

“She has troubles with sleeping?” Clarke glanced at Lexa’s sister and woman nodded.

“She hadn’t admitted it, but I could see that last week I didn’t see her sleeping. Like, you know, whenever I was out of my bedroom I was able to see that she had light in her room. I don’t know, and I really want to believe in that, maybe she was sleeping through the day and I didn’t know about that because I can’t tell if she’s sleeping or not when there’s no need to turn on the light.” Anya sighed and she seemed relieved because of the fact that she shared her worries with someone. And Clarke was glad that it was her who could take this burden. She was also concerned about what was happening with Lexa that she hadn’t slept for some time and she was aware that Raven told her that Lexa had been looking like she forgot what sleep was.

“Anya, I do know that you’re worried about her, me too, not only because you just told me about possibility of Lexa’s insomnia, but also because you told me about Costia and…”

“Would you mind me asking… why you escaped then?” Anya interrupted suddenly and she glanced at Clarke and blonde blushed, but she said nothing. “Was that because Lexa said… that she isn’t in love with you?”

Clarke blushed even more and she slightly nodded. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, but Anya didn’t hear that.

“Oh, I see.” Woman nodded. “Clarke, please, tell me, what’s between you and my sister?” she asked.

“I wish I knew too.” Blonde sighed. “I fell for her when I saw her for the first time. She was amazing, you know, during Tribal Dance Night. And then… I think she’s amazing. Not only because of her skills or abilities, but, what comes first, for her character. I thought that she’s great person and I love talking to her, but… she doesn’t seem to even like me. Or… maybe I got it wrong. She was sending me some signals that she wants to be my friend and now…”

“I know, she’s though. She has always been. Clarke, you want her for some more than just friend, right?” Anya took a sip of her tea and she was looking at Clarke’s blushed face.

“Maybe, but I’m not looking for love now.” Blonde lied. Well, it was not regular lie, because she had to admit that she fell for Lexa so hard that she was in love with her and all she wanted was to be with brunette, but she respected that Lexa had not wanted to be with anybody, especially with Clarke. “I… I just thought that Lexa would like to be my friend, that’s all. She… she seemed so shy to me, she didn’t talk to anybody in school and…”

“You’re merciful then.” Anya sighed and she nodded with understanding. “I know exactly where the problem is.” She stated, glancing at blonde who was looking at her with hope and that touched Anya. She could see how much Clarke cared about her sister and she couldn’t understand why Lexa treated her like she did, but she also understood her behavior because of what she knew about her sister. “Lexa hates mercy. She despises it and… she could assume that you’re talking to her because of that. Even if you’re not sure if you showed her mercy.”

“I didn’t.” Clarke said with confidence. “I really like her.”

“And she doesn’t even see this.” Anya sighed, shaking her head.

“But… she became more aloof and closed after your fight… sorry, arguing.” Clarke tried to explain the situation, but Anya nodded with understanding and she glanced at blonde’s desperate facial expression.

“I did what I did. And I said something more even earlier than when you two were here.” Anya stated. “I’m guilty too and that’s a shame. You’ve done nothing to her and you didn’t hurt her, so I don’t understand her behavior. Even if I know that she’s not absolutely normal, but… I don’t want to exculpate her, because she should do it herself. Or maybe not exculpate… she should just excuse.”

“I don’t want her to excuse me…” Clarke stated, thinking about what elder one said and she assumed that this speech should also refer to Raven and her behavior towards Anya, but Anya shook her head, interrupting her and she cleared her throat.

“She should talk to you. Just like that. She’s not so good in talking, okay, but all she should do is try to talk to you. I don’t know why she’s so silent. Especially when she’s guilty and when she hurt you like she did.”

“I’m not mad at her or something it’s just…”

“Upsetting?” Anya glanced at Clarke. “I know it, Clarke. She’s my sister. I know that she’s hard to understand, I have a problem with it. I know her past and I try to understand her reactions, but sometimes I’d rather let it go.”

“But I do want to understand her.”

“I know, Clarke, but… ugh, okay. I’ll try to talk to her, okay? I’ll do what I can. But I can’t promise you anything, because she’s unpredictable. Even I don’t know my sister. Nobody knows.”

“Thank you, Anya.” Clarke smiled and she drank her coffee. “Thank you for conversation and… thank you for all. I do appreciate it.”

“You will thank me if Lexa come to you.” Anya smiled sadly.

“I’ll try to talk to Raven.” Clarke smiled back and, before Anya could say anything, she decided to go back to her dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. I have to say that it was promising, really. I started believing that everything will be okay, just like my new horror movie "Saturday 14th". Lol, I can't believe that I have such stupid friends. XD
> 
> Anyway, feel free to leave comments, kudos and ideas. Tell me what you think! And also thank for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks you've left!
> 
> Until Tuesday!


	24. She's not an enemy

**ANYA**

“Lexa?” Anya asked, when she heard some noise from door’s side. “Lexa, is that you?”

“Yes.” The answer was straight, sharp and quick. And quite lively, assuming that Lexa was tired all the time. After a minute brunette appeared in the kitchen. “Nobody else is coming in like it’s their home.”

“Can we talk?” Anya pretended that she hadn’t heard her sister’s last phrase. Lexa was a little surprised, but she hadn’t shown it to Anya and she shrugged, but then she nodded.

“If we have to.” She stated. “Is it something important or can it wait until… I don’t know… tomorrow or so?”

“I think it’s rather important, sis.” Anya sighed. “Come on, sit, let’s talk like a siblings.”

“You killed somebody?” Lexa raised her eyebrows. “Because you never ask me for sitting if it’s not absolutely necessary. Do you have a problem with hiding a body.” Lexa sighed. “Holy crap, I’ve been always telling you that you should dig a hole, throw a body, then make a grave and then you should bury a dead dog on the top. You remember? Positive negative?”

“I didn’t kill anybody.” Anya smiled a little. Lexa could be so adorable and nice, like normal sister when she had good mood. “I actually wanted to talk about you.”

Her sister instantly began to be more aloof. "Why?"

“I’m worried about you.” She stated. “You know, apart from your sleep or maybe, to be honest, lack of sleep, I noticed that you’re… pulling everybody away, you know? I’m worried, because you’ve never done that… at least not that much.”

“Raven told you something?” Lexa crossed her arms and sat on the chair in their kitchen. On the same chair that Clarke had sat on some time ago and Anya smiled on that memory.

“You know that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.” Anya sighed. She decided that she won’t let Lexa make her be on the edge. Especially not at the moment, when she needed to talk with her sister and try to understand her reactions and everything she had been doing. “I know because I know.”

“Clarke told you then.” Lexa was uncompromising. She instantly curled up on the chair and she hugged her knees, trying to look at her sister. She knew that she was right, that was because she withdrew.

“I know, because I know.” Anya insisted, so Lexa let it go, but she remained in the position she was in.

“Let’s say that I believe you.” She shrugged. “But I barely trust you.”

“In this moment you don’t really have to trust me.” This time it was Anya who shrugged. “I just need you to listen to me for a while. And, maybe, talk to me after all.”

“I don’t know if I like the way that this conversation is going…” Lexa stated. “But okay, tell me what you want and then I will decide if I want to continue this.”

Better this than nothing. Anya thought. “Okay, so… I’d like to ask you… please, don’t be rude to me… what’s between you and Clarke?”

“Nothing.” Lexa shrugged and she stood up for something for drink. She approached fridge and took a can of soda. “Literally nothing.” She leaned back on the kitchen surface and she looked at Anya. “And you’re asking because…?”

“Because I saw how she’s looking at you.” Anya stated, trying to perceive something that will be uncommon in Lexa’s behavior, but she was still cold and insensible. “And you’re doing literally nothing with it.”

“I’m not really into relationships or flirting.” Lexa took a sip of her soda, looking at her sister carefully. “You know. And I don’t really want one.”

“Yeah, I know. You flirting is like going to somebody, accosting them and asking if they had just said that they like bread.” Anya snorted and Lexa closed her eyes with embarassement.

“Kinda” she shrugged, looking at her sister suspiciously. “But what do you expect from me then?”

“I’m worried that you are looking for good reason or even opportunity to going back to Costia.” Anya said worringly. “I don’t want you to suffer one more time. Not after you’ve suffered because of her last time.”

“Costia is back to her university.” Lexa shrugged, looking in the can as she could find there anything. She swirled the liquid and then she continued. “And I don’t want her back in my life, I thought about it last week. She was almost stalking me with texts and phone calls during last week and I’ve had enough. I have to call her back and tell her that’s over. I don’t want to have another unknown in my life.” She stated, putting her phone on the kitchen table. “Like, you know, I remember how it was last time and I don’t want to live it once again. And she's annoying. See?” Lexa pointed at her screen when her phone vibrated. Anya could see Costia's name and she sighed. "It's like that every ten minutes, she insists on meeting. I have her phone number to just not pick it up."

“Okay, I get that, but... why that conclusion?” Anya asked curiously, ignoring vibrations on the table. They finally ended.

“I was thinking about it and I assumed that she wanted me back for some reason. She’s just this type of person, I think. She said that she still loves me, but I assume that as bullshit. It’s more like… she still loves me, or she’s just saying like that, because I can be her assurance that she will receive drugs. In case if she lied to me about not being a junkie anymore. And, you know, it was quite helpful when you told me that you perceived me as smart and life experienced person and it turned out that I’m not one. I thought about it and I assumed that you were right. I’m neither life experienced nor smart, but still, I don’t want to be that one who can’t learn from mistakes. And I do. I really do, so I decided to not let her in my life again.”

“You’re wrong when you’re saying that you’re not smart, because you are. And… I didn’t think you will be so sober if we’re speaking of Costia. I’m… I’m impressed.” Anya stated with surprise either on her eyes, or in her face.

“I’m already 20, I had to grow up.” Lexa shrugged. “So I’m trying to choose the best, the most reasonable way of my life. And I know that the way with Costia isn’t that I would be happy of. Maybe, if I had to decide for now, it will be okay, but for how long? I don’t know and I don’t really want to know this. I don’t want to be with somebody who I don’t trust anymore. Also, I don’t want to be afraid of every day and of what she will be able to do.”

“And that’s the reason why you’re pulling Clarke away?” Anya raised one eyebrow and she took bite of cookie.

“What do you mean by »pulling Clarke away«?” Lexa asked, looking with curiosity at her sister. “I’m not pulling her away.”

“Lexa, who you’re trying to lie to? How many walls can you pull up, how many guns until you finally feel safe? You can’t be doing this all your life. She really cares about you!”

“I’m not doing this, Anya.” Lexa crossed her arms.

“Okay, let this go for now. Tell me, if you don’t mind, what do you feel for her?”

“I’m not sure if anything.” Lexa stated, standing straight and clenching her fingers on the can. “Why?”

“I’m just curious. But… you were talking to her. And you let her into your room during that party. You didn’t really know her and you let her in like she was your best friend for long time. Why was that?” she asked. “You know, You’re my sister and I know you for a while… and you won’t deny that this behavior of yours was rather… unusual.”

“Yeah, I can agree.” Lexa smiled a little. “I let her into my room, because she brought me juice I had been downstairs for. She actually… seemed eager to talk to me, but I don’t know why. She has her friends and she likes spending time with them, so I don’t want to distract her or something…”

“You like her?” Anya asked and Lexa was wondering for a while.

“Could be.” Brunette stated, shrugging her shoulders and trying to look right into her can. She didn’t want to glance at Anya, because she knew what her sister would think. “I don’t know.”

But Anya had already known what’s on Lexa’s mind. She knew her sister’s reactions and she remembered all of her facial expressions back to the times of Costia.

“Or… maybe you’re in love with her?” older sister decided to cause the storm.

“What?” Lexa blushed so badly that Anya was sure she was right. “No… w–what a horrible accusation… y-you know what… you’re t-terrible…. I hate w-when…” Lexa wanted to defense herself, but Anya smirked and crossed her arms while looking at her sister with her eyebrow raised. She waited like that for several minutes and then Lexa sighed with small amount of anger. “OH, OKAY, YOU GOT ME.” She snorted. “Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could be in love with her.”

“Then why did you tell Costia that you’re not?” Anya asked and Lexa turned red all over her face and even her ears started to burn.

“I… oh, it was... planned.” Lexa stated with red face. “I… I didn’t know what I felt for Costia that time, so I wanted to lay this gate open, okay? It was like… I don’t really know. If I would come back to Costia, she shouldn’t have known that I was in love with other girl.”

“Don’t you think that was… some kind of cheating?” Anya asked suspiciously. “You know, you are with one girl and you’re dreaming of the other. Not really fair. And I supposed that you’re the most fair person I know.”

“Falling in love is something different than love itself.” Lexa shrugged. “You know, when you fell in love with somebody this feeling can provide for two years and either disappear or not. Love is a chain of chemical reactions in your brain and it’s quite permanent, and you have to remember that I said that I could be in love with her and it’s not equal with being certainly in love, so…”

“Okay, enough of this scientific bullshit. I asked you a question.” Anya interrupted with wide smile on her face.

“I thought that feeling for Clarke, whatever it was or is, could evaporate.” Lexa shrugged. “And then, the rest that I would be feeling would be something I felt for Costia. But…”

“Time was passing by, Costia was writing to you and you felt nothing more for her and you had still this one girl in your mind which was Clarke?” Anya tried to guess and Lexa nodded.

“Exactly.” She stated. “But it’s over. For now… for now I’m all alone, I don’t want to know Costia and I hope she will never be more than an opponent on the playground. And Clarke… What can I say, I was rude to her and she probably hates me as fuck, so I won’t… nevermind. I just thought about it and I assumed that love is weakness. I don’t really want to be back to the times I had loved Costia. It was… hard. Very hard. And I… I know that being me is to be alone.”

“Bullshit. Actually, Clarke really cares for you, you idiot.” Anya said with gentle smile and Lexa looked at her with eyes wide open. Her sister totally ignored her words about weakness. “She looks horrible, maybe not as horrible as you or, at least, as horrible as you, but she… I think she likes you. And even more than likes you. I don’t have any evidence for it just to prove you, but…”

“Raven kinda did. She tried talking to me.” Lexa interrupted her. She can see how her sister’s face expression changed. “She told me that Clarke had her sketchbook and she’s sketching in it when she’s stressed or something’s bothering her. And for last weeks she had sketched nothing more but me. And that Clarke took some photos and that I am on them… And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I was rather harsh for Raven, but…”

“You should certainly talk to Clarke.” Anya stated, trying not to dwell on memories with Raven. “You should talk to her tomorrow and you should explain everything you have done. Why you were so aggressive. You should tell her that that was because of Costia and that you had a lot on your mind. And you should let her be closer to you. She cares as fuck and she deserves to be treated as a good person, because she is.”

“I will talk to her.” Lexa nodded and she decided to go upstairs. She mashed soda can in one hand and she threw it to the trash bin under the sink. She smiled a little when she realized that she scored. She wanted to take a step, but she glanced at her sister and hesitated.

“And.. Lexa?” Anya stopped her sister for a while.

“Yes?”

“I know that our relations aren’t always the best, but… I know, our life should’ve been easier. But it’s not, as you can see or feel. I wish it was, but I’m trying…”

“I know that living with me isn’t easy, Anya.” Lexa smiled gently. Her voice was low and tender. “I’m unpredictable, impulsive and repulsive. I know that I’m hard to understand. I know that I am the worst sister in the world and I know that I have some issues but I’m trying to cope with them, believe me. I know that you’re trying and I’m so fucking grateful for this. But I don’t want you to think that I…”

“I know, Lexa.” Anya smiled. “I know. I don’t blame you anymore, I know that either you or me did wrong and regret what happened. But I’m sorry about that situation when I said what I said. I’m sorry I said that, especially when I knew what was…”

“Shh, Anya.” Lexa interrupted her gently. “It’s okay. Nothing happened and I understand that your nerves were on the edge and I crossed the line. I’m sorry for that.”

“You don’t have to be sorry about this. I know that sometimes both of us have rough day and latest weeks were tough.” Anya nodded. She was happy because of the way this conversation went. “And you know what? You’re not the worst sister in the world. You’re actually the best.“

“Always exaggerating.” Lexa laughed and she went upstairs.

“I hope that you will trust Clarke.” Anya whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Anya is not such a bitch for Lexa anymore and I'm glad that it went that way. Also, we're approaching to some kind of climax or so, so stay sharp! :)
> 
> Anyway, thank you, as usual, for being here and leaving kudos, bookmarks and comments, they mean a lot for me! Feel free to leave anything, tell me what you think in comments, I always appreciate that. :)
> 
> I have to apologize if you will think that any of upcoming chapters (or even this one) is worse than the previous. I have to prepare some kind of Halloween party and it's escape room, so my mind is shattered between it, university and writing, but I promise that I'm always trying and giving you my best.
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	25. Glimmer of hope

“I was so fucking desperate that I went at Anya’s and I talked to her.” Clarke groaned to her phone. She was talking to Raven. She had got the phone call on loud speaker and she was preparing for school. “I’m sorry Raven, but I had to.”

“I’m not blaming you.” Raven answered. “She’s still Lexa’s sister and maybe she will talk to her and be able to convince her to open up and then do something other that snapping at you.”

“I hope so.” Blonde nodded. “But… you know, I’m not so sure if Lexa would like to talk to me again. Like… I don’t know why I’m thinking that way, I didn’t do anything wrong, at least I think I didn’t and…”

“You have to think positive.” Raven interrupted her. “You know Lexa a little and you still know that she seemed to actually like you, so…”

“She’s so fucking unpredictable.” Clarke sighed, thinking about what Anya had said her. And she was still thinking about that she told her that Lexa couldn’t get any sleep and Clarke assumed that it was dangerous. “You know.”

“I know.” In Raven’s voice there was smile. “But I also know that love will always find a way.”

“Rae, this isn’t love, she…”

“Maybe she told that she isn’t in love with you, but how can you tell if it isn’t a lie?” Raven asked and Clarke was wondering for a while. She really wanted to believe her friend, she wanted to believe that Lexa WAS in love with her the same way as Clarke was… but there was something that told her it wasn’t possible and Clarke didn’t know what was that feeling.

“I can’t.” She finally answered. “But I also can’t say that she’s not in love with Costia.”

“You will see. And for now… I gotta go, Niylah asked me to be a little earlier, because she wanted to talk about something."

“You’re talking about that professor?” Clarke asked with wide smile.

“Yeah, I do.” Latina stated. “And, Clarke… good luck with Lexa.”

“Today’s her last chance. If she will reject me again, then I will give it all up.”

“As you wish. You know, what I think about it.”

“Yeah, I know, but… that’s my decision.” Clarke shrugged.

“Remember that I always got your back.” Raven stated and Clarke hanged up.

Blonde hid her phone in her bag and she sank in thoughts. She wanted, she NEEDED to believe that between her and Lexa could be something more than a thick wall. She needed to believe that Lexa will give her a chance as Clarke would give her that day. She wanted to believe that Lexa would want to talk to her like Clarke was keen on talking to brunette. She sat on her bed and she glanced at the wall with photos pinned to the cork mat. She smiled tenderly when she saw Lexa on every picture. She couldn’t imagine her life without this shy, beautiful girl who could turn into the beast in one second. She stood up and she approached the mat, touching her very first picture of Lexa and she smiled.

“If you’re gone, there would be something missing in my life.” She whispered, sensing the smooth surface of developed picture. It was just some piece of paper covered with CMYK inks but… it meant so much for her. Not really the photo, the person who was on it. “You made me happy for a while and you disappeared without explanation. I don’t want let you go, but if you want me to do that and you prove it to me today… I will.” She added sadly, trying not to imagine how it would be. She really needed to believe that Lexa will talk to her. Even if it would be several words, like “I don’t want to talk to you.”, Clarke would know that something’s happening and she would be able to do something. To fight for it. And then she was helpless, because Lexa didn’t say a word and Clarke didn’t know if there was ANYTHING worth fighting for. Even if she was sure that she wanted to know Lexa, that she wanted to learn about her.

Clarke sat on her usual place and she looked around. There was no Lexa in the classroom, so she decided that if brunette wouldn’t come, she will visit her at her house. Blonde pulled out her sketchbook and one notebook for taking notes, just in case, and she focused on her professor.

Lexa appeared for the third lecture. She looked small, scared and out of her comfort zone. She looked around and her eyes met Clarke’s. Lexa blushed and she had some kind of shame on her face, but she sat on her place and didn’t turn around to look at blonde. Clarke noticed that brunette tried to disappear, sinking in oversized black hoodie.  
_What’s wrong with her?_ Clarke thought. _She looks terrible. And she… she didn’t even look at me after she sat down._  
But after a while Harper, student who was sitting in front of Clarke, slightly turned to blonde and gave her small piece of paper folded twice. “It’s from her.” She stated quietly, discretely pointing at Lexa and Clarke nodded with gratitude. She couldn’t describe what she felt this time. That was extreme warmth that was spreading through her veins, hugging her heart and filling it with incomprehensible joy. She unfolded the paper with shaking hands and read what was on it.

_I’m sorry for everything, but it’s not an excuse. If you still want to talk to me, please, wait for me when the lecture’s done._

Lexa wrote in italic, her handwriting was small, minimalistic, but sometimes hard to read for Clarke. However, blonde was so happy that she decided to send her a message, that she took her pencil and she wrote her letter.

_Sure, I’ll wait._

And she looked at it, finding diversity in colour of her pencil and colour of Lexa’s ink, because brunette was always writing with pen. Clarke’s handwriting was straight, a little bit messy, but it was truly handwriting of an artist. She folded the paper and she poked Harper, who nodded with small smile on her face and she passed the message straight to Lexa.

When brunette read that, she slightly turned around and she took a glance at Clarke’s face. Blonde gave her smile and Lexa shyly smiled back. She went back to her notes, but Clarke opened her sketchbook, because she knew that she wouldn’t focus on anything. But before she started sketching, she pulled out her phone and texted Raven.

**Clarke: Rae, she wants it.**

**Raven: Sex? XD**

**Clarke: I hate you. No, she wants to talk to me.**

**Raven: As I said she will.**

**Clarke: You’re mad that she listened to Anya, not to you?**

**Raven: No, I’m fucking commando, because I have chemistry and we’re experimenting. And you're don't know if she listened to Anya and not to herself. Anyway, update me before you’ll speak to her, please.**

**Clarke: Of course, I’m sorry for interrupting. Have a great time!**

And Raven didn’t texted her back, so she started sketching, thinking about what was between Anya and Raven and what Raven felt. She let her mind wander and her mind unknowingly led her hand through sketching.

 

*

 

“You wanted me to wait for you.” Clarke stated, when lectures ended, she was out of the building and Lexa met her on the patio. Blonde noticed that Lexa really looked bad. Way worse that she thought brunette would look. Raven was right, from close Anya’s sister looked like she had not been sleeping for days.

“Yeah, I… um… You know, I wanted to apologize. Last week I was rather… unpleasant and I might seem to be kinda repulsive. But… but it’s not that way really.” She stated, looking at Clarke. Blonde noticed that Lexa wore her lenses and had honey eyes. She didn’t even know why she felt upset because of that fact. Maybe she knew that Lexa’s eyes were amazing and so extraordinary that Lexa shouldn’t have covered their natural colour… or maybe she was upset because even next to her brunette didn’t have enough courage to took them off and just let her eyes be emerald as they were. Anyway, she was glad that Lexa wanted to talk to her and she was happy that brunette was nice to her and that she wasn’t snapping at her.

“That’s okay, I don’t take any offence.” Clarke smiled gently, trying to lie. “You know…”

“No, it’s not okay, Clarke.” Lexa interrupted her and Clarke melted on the sound of her name called by Lexa with this specific click on “K”. Blonde had already forgotten how she missed it. “Don’t try to lie to me that you’d not taken any offence, because I do know that I hurt you. And I can see it in your eyes. I screwed it all up. I should have not been so aggressive and when I had been, I should have told you why I was so and I didn’t. I let you think that I don’t really like you, but I do and…” she interrupted, blushing. Clarke gave her time to wonder. “And I wanted to make things right, you know. But if you don’t want it I… I… I will be okay with it. Just… you know, I know that was hard for you and… but if you will not…”

“Shhh.” Clarke interrupted her, smiling a little. “Yeah, things were screwed up, but I know what you want to tell. And I’m totally… okay with this. Maybe I wasn’t so okay towards you, maybe I was pushy or so, but you didn’t give me any chance to explain and that’s the only thing I’m not okay with. Maybe also with that you just treated me as someone who I am not, but we can talk this out. You know. But I do want to talk to you and I am so happy that you… that you want it too.” Clarke’s eyes were set to the ground and she seemed to be shy. Lexa noticed that and she glanced at Clarke.

“Everything’s all right?” she asked and Clarke held her sketchbook even tighter than she was before. Lexa noticed that on the page that Clarke had under her wrist was something that looked exactly the same as her jawbone and she wondered if that was another sketch of her, but she didn’t ask, because she had something else to do. “What’s going on…?”

“I… I thought about what was happening during last week, Lexa.” Blonde finally stated and brunette nodded, giving her interlocutor some time for thinking. “I… I missed conversations with you, but I thought… I was upset and so angry on you, because you behaved like an animal then, in the forest, and I had never treated you that way. You behaved like I was threatening you or like I hurt you and I also didn’t and yet you rejected me because of… nothing. According to that… I decided that if you wouldn’t want to talk to me today, I will let you go. Like... this was your last chance, I know, maybe that’s stupid…”

“No, it’s not.” Lexa smiled a little, when Clarke glanced at her and brunette nodded her head. “I’m glad that I wasn’t so stupid as I had been and that I didn’t waste this chance you gave me. And, according to that… there’s something I… I have to tell you if…” Lexa stopped and Clarke glanced at her. Brunette seemed worried and… frightened?

“If?” Clarke asked carefully and waited.

“If you still want to be… be my friend.” Lexa said and Clarke grinned.

“I think I wanted it, but… I don’t really know now.” She stated. Lexa nodded, but she didn’t seem to be upset. Or she hid it perfectly.

“I understand.” She said, looking Clarke in the eye. “I know that forgiving without reasons is tough, but…”

“Don’t finish the line.” Clarke interrupted, raising her hand. Lexa was silent. “I don’t want to forgive you without reasons.” She stated and Lexa nodded once again. She thought for a while and she glanced at Clarke. She knew exactly what Clarke thought she had wanted to say: _But maybe you would try._ But that was not what she really wanted to say. It was rather: _But I also know it’s pointless, so I want you to hear my explanation and decide if you would like to talk to me at all._

“I assume that maybe you would like to hear explanation for my behavior and then, just maybe, consider trusting me again?” she asked and Clarke shook her head. Lexa didn’t do anything that could show Clarke how she felt. She was stone cold, standing steady, breathing not even a little bit heavier than before Clarke’s move. She was great mystery for blonde and she started wondering if Lexa felt anything at all. “Then why you agreed on talking to me?”

“As I said, I missed conversations with you, Lexa.” Clarke sighed.

“I’ll try to do everything to convince you that forgiving me wouldn’t be a mistake then.” Lexa didn’t smile, but she was firm. "If you decide to forgive me, of course."

“Let’s see if you will succeed.” Clarke nodded.  _I’m such a bitch,_ she thought _. I would never let her go and I’m not even trying to pretend that I’m considering forgiving her. But still I want her to feel something as I did and I don’t have a fucking clue if she’s feeling anything right now._ “And what do you have to tell me?”

“Can we go…” Lexa looked around. “Somewhere? I don’t really think I should or want to talk about it right here in the middle of the patio… but if you will insist, I would have no choice.”

“Oh, yes, I get it. Would you want to go where we’re used to talk?” Clarke asked, thinking about the calm area near brunette’s judo place. She knew that there was quiet and peace, but Lexa shook her head. She knew that even there, in the place that seemed so quiet and calm there was a possibility that someone would overhear something that Lexa wouldn’t want to be overheard.

“I think that we should get some coffee or tea and then go to… I’ll show you one place if… if you allow me to.”

“Okay.” Clarke smiled. “Lead the way then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnd... well, finally Lexa woke up and she TALKED. She should stop being not so into people and try to be into Clarke. Anyway, I think that was not so bad what she'd done, at least she tried, but I'm wondering if Clarke would forgive her.
> 
> Thanks for all your kudos, bookmarks and comments, they mean a lot to me! If you have any idea, bring it on, feel free, I'm always happy to see what you think or want to see here. :)
> 
> Until Sunday!


	26. The truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's again chapter from October Sundays! #4

Brunette led them through the playground, she was walking in direction unknown by Clarke, towards something that blonde had never seen, because the environment was different than this in which she usually was. However she was following Lexa without a word and she was thinking. So did her guide.

Lexa knew that this day could be either the best in her life… or the worst. She knew that Clarke was hurt, she knew that she was the reason why blonde was hurt. She had also heard what Clarke whispered into the night when Lexa had escaped, because she didn’t run too far away.

She had heard that Clarke said that she had loved her. And Lexa was scared about that. She didn’t know that there could be anybody who was or would be able to love her, but she was afraid. Afraid of unknown. She didn’t know what to do with this, she didn’t know how to take this. All the time she had in her head these phrases that she was always feeding herself with: “being me is to be alone” and “love is weakness” but she didn’t know what to think, neither about these phrases, nor about what Clarke had said. And she thought, and she was right, to be honest, that Clarke didn’t know that she had heard it. Lexa knew that she had to play this game well and she knew that playing it with honesty would be probably the best way to do it.

Gentle voice put her out of her thoughts.

“Lexa, where are we…?” Clarke interrupted and she looked around. She was stunned, because Lexa took her to the lake shore. She caught her wrist and she pulled her through the reed mace. They got out of that plant and Clarke saw big, calm surface of lake. They were surrounded by burbling reed mace and forest. Blonde noticed tiny jetty in front of her and she glanced at Lexa’s shy smile. Clarke's sight was full of curiosity, focused on Lexa and its owner waited for her to say something, to give her some kind of explanation.

“I like going there. This place allows me to… think clearly.” She blushed, but Clarke totally understood it. When Lexa was gone, it was always high possibility that she would be there, swimming, canoeing, exercising, reading, thinking… “I know… you may think that’s so stupid and this place is not really the one you will like, so if not… we can go somewhere else…”

“Lexa, stop, this place is amazing.” Clarke grinned and she approached the jetty, looking at the lake and she felt… free. She felt safe, maybe because of that this place was so remote that she knew that nobody would bother them during upcoming conversation or because of that she was there with Lexa and she felt safe when brunette was around. Clarke noticed that just in that moment and she was surprised that she discovered it. She was surprised that she was trusting Lexa so much, not even knowing her well. “I love it.” She whispered, forgetting that she should be cold and rational.

“Really?” Lexa’s face brightened when she stood by Clarke’s side and she also took a look on the calm surface of the lake. “Oh, that’s… that’s great.”

“May I…?” Clarke pointed at the jetty and Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” She stated and Clarke sat down at its end. Lexa sat next to her, but she kept a distance. Clarke glanced at her, when she placed her mug between her legs and pulled out small white box. Blonde didn’t know what was that, but she decided to look at the lake. The bulrush made some kind of private bay for them to talk, to just spend time together. Clarke sighed and looked again at Lexa.

“This place is beautiful… what are you doing?” she asked, when she noticed that Lexa hid the white box and she pulled out black one, a little bigger than previous.

“Oh, I…” Lexa interrupted and opened the black box and then she put on her glasses and looked at Clarke. “I thought that… you like when I don’t wear my lenses, so…”

Clarke’s heart melted and her rate accelerated when she saw what brunette had done. Lexa was so adorable and cute and… outstanding. Blonde was delighted that she could see her emerald eyes again.

“Oh, yes, I do love them!” she assured, before she realized what she wanted to say. She was angry at herself because of the waterfall of emotions that she felt in that moment and that these emotions were way to far of the ones that she should had been feeling “I mean…”

“I know.” Lexa smiled. “Calm down.”

“You wanted to talk about something.” Clarke changed subject in order not to benight herself, and Lexa blushed a little. Brunette took a sip of her black tea and she remained silent for a while.

_God, she’s so beautiful. And so… majestic. Oh, Griffin, get you shit together, you’re angry at her, because she had hurt you without reason, you remember?_

“Yeah, I wanted to do so.” Lexa nodded eventually after a while. “I have to apologize.” She stated once again, repeating the phrase that she had already said before. “You know, I was rude, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I want to ask you if you let me explain this situation, because I did wrong and nothing can exculpate me, but I didn’t want to exculpate, to be honest. I just want to… explain. Maybe it will help you understand a little and you won’t be so mad at me…”

“Of course. I’ll listen.” Clarke was surprised. She took a sip of her coffee and she smiled encouragingly to her interlocutor.

“Please, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not really. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m not angry. I was just upset.” Clarke stated pensieved. “But… um… don’t get me wrong, but… if you treat me like an enemy again…”

“I won’t.” Lexa interrupted her firmly and without any hesitation. She turned her face to Clarke. Her eyes found Clarke’s eyes and Lexa’s hand took blonde’s hand, what was the most surprising thing for Clarke so far. Blonde was aware that Lexa wasn’t a fan of physical contact. “I swear to be honest. I… I vow to treat you like a friend and to never let you down again… if you would like me to be around.” She stated and Clarke was stunned because of Lexa’s promise. She would’ve never predicted that somebody who behaved so strangely as Lexa had done, would make such a promise. And because brunette was that serious. Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand and she phased out her hand to rest on her thigh.

“You don’t have to…”

“But I want to.” Lexa said with confidence. “It was all about Costia. I know that it would not justify me, but still. She… and I…” Lexa stopped, she closed her eyes and she squeezed her nose base. She seemed not to know what she should start of. “Can I just start from the very beginning?”

“Yes, of course, you can.” Clarke nodded, trying not to be pushy, but she was really curious about what Lexa wanted to tell her. And she was glad that she would finally get to know a little bit of Lexa.

“You know… there’s something I haven’t tell you. That’s about my pills.”

“These for your lactose intolerance?” Clarke asked and Lexa averted her gaze almost immediately.

“Yes, kinda. Do you remember this moment in the café, when you had brought us drinks and I was taking my medicine?” Lexa asked and Clarke slowly nodded, but she remained silent, curiously and a little bit with worry listening to brunette. She bit the edge of her mug’s top. “These pills weren’t for lactose intolerance.” She interrupted and she caught her mug even tighter. Clarke noticed that Lexa was nervous and she could see that her hands were shaking. She put her hand carefully on Lexa’s forearm and she squeezed it comfortingly.

“Hey, if you don’t want to tell me or if you’re not feeling ready I’ll understand.” She whispered, thinking about how she would feel if brunette decided not to tell her, but Lexa shook her head, biting her lower lip. She tried to fight with her fear, to fight with something that was inside of her and what wouldn’t want let her speak.

“I do want it, Clarke.” She said quietly, trying to breathe normally. “But it’s… it’s hard for me. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, take your time then.” Clarke squeezed her forearm one more time and she smiled a little. She wanted to encourage Lexa, she wanted to gave her all the support she may need, but she didn’t know how.

“These pills were for… for my psychical issues. I… I’m not normal, at least not totally.” She interrupted and Clarke glanced at her with worry. What Lexa had on her mind?

“What do you mean?” she asked and brunette sighed and took a couple of deep breaths.  
“You know… um… That’s hard, but I know that you have to know. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders and hard strain of social anxiety. I… I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier.” She whispered so quietly that Clarke had problems to hear that, but she succeeded.

And in that moment every piece of this jigsaw puzzle was on its proper place. Clarke understood almost everything.

“You are so shy because of that, aren’t you?” Clark asked calmly and Lexa slowly nodded. She didn’t look at Clarke, because she was ashamed of her illness.

“It cause plenty of my strange behaviors, Clarke.” brunette whispered. “This in the forest was one of them. I was afraid of rejection and of being used. It had not made any sense, I know, because you had never made me think that you don’t want to talk to me or just be around me, but I was shattered and everything in me was screaming that I can’t, shouldn’t trust anybody. That I can’t do it, because I had trusted Costia once and it hadn’t ended so well. Apart from that behavior I’m used to hide from people and I’m scared of them. I can’t do anything without a thought that I’m useless and that strange »what if« question in my head.”

“But sometimes you’re acting quite normally though…” Clarke slowly nodded and Lexa did the same.

“Because DSM-IV 300.23, like my previous psychiatrist liked to call it, is not making me a total alien.” Brunette smiled a little. “It’s just inconvenient and sometimes it turns into burden I can’t carry any longer. Like… I don’t know, like you had some black ghost in you. It’s always with you, but usually you can keep it away from your sight and then you’re acting quite normally, hearing sometimes its voice and that’s quite okay, because you can get used to it eventually. But sometimes this ghost is too big to cope with. It just shut off your vision with thick, dark veil and you can’t do anything with that. In that moments you feel vulnerable and your actions could be insane, as mine were. And I’m sorry about that.”

“I didn’t…” Clarke shook her head. The facts hit her with the force of avalanche. She understood almost everything. She got why Lexa was so withdrawn, why she was so shy, why she was speaking only with people she knew well. She couldn’t find a words because of what she’d heard. She was wordless and Lexa totally understood that. She sighed.

“I don’t ask you for not escaping, because I know, that people who get to know me and my issues are always running away. I just… I just ask you for understanding. Just… a little. Or maybe not that, that’s big thing, I’m asking just for… trying to understand. I’m not asking for anything else. You don’t have to want to be around, you don’t have to understand. But… please, give it a try.” She whispered.

There was a while of total silence. The only sounds that they could hear was breeze and dabbling of water. Lexa averted her gaze and she shut her eyes. She didn’t want to know that she fucked everything up so badly that Clarke could just go away. She didn’t want to let her go, but she was certain that she would have to. Nobody was eager to stay with someone like her, she knew that.

She could hear the silence, she heard it and she felt bad with it, because this silence was deafening. It screamed so loud at her that Lexa wanted to just curl up and cover her ears with her hands, but she knew that she couldn’t do that, because it would be release of another of her strange behaviors, not really accepted by »normal« people that were surrounding her every day.

“Lexa, don’t… please, tell me more about it. If… of course… if you want.” Brunette heard finally form Clarke’s side. Her voice was quite quiet, but Lexa could hear her. She nodded and she shut her eyes even harder, then she opened them, forcing all the wetness to go away from them. She glanced at Clarke and she tried to see something, some emotions, maybe some thoughts, on her face. All she had seen was… desire to understand. Urge to know her better. Willingness to just… help her? Lexa threw away the thought that Clarke was just merciful. Brunette smiled a little and she tried not to show her emotions, because she wasn’t sure if she saw Clarke well. She sighed and she overpowered the poignant feeling of not being good enough for blonde and then she decided to speak after she had cleared her throat.

“Why not, I’ve got nothing to lose.” Lexa shrugged. “I… It all started when I was five. My parents died and I was in the orphanage. I had not liked people much, I’d always been alone, in school I’ve always been this one who knew almost everything, but was assumed as a nerd because of my love for books. Always an outsider, always with nose in a book, always away from people. I was afraid of them, I was withdrawn just because I knew that they’re a threat to me. I always feared everything that could come from them, but I was pretending that everything's okay and that I just despise them. And it had been working. When I was thirteen Anya’s parents moved me in. They were… great. That was the family I’ve been always dreaming of since my parents’ death.” Lexa interrupted for a while. She laid on her arms put on the jetty behind her and she stared at the lake, wondering how to tell Clarke about her. Blonde was observing brunette and she couldn’t take her eyes off emerald ones, hidden behind the glasses. She could notice sorrow and suffering in them. All her anger that Clarke had felt, was gone. “I was happy. So happy that I have family. Things were great with Anya, and our parents loved us. I had issues since I ended up in orphanage, but people explained my behavior by my age or something. Sometimes they had even claimed that I’m weird and that was all about me. When Anya’s parents adopted me they asked me to go to psychiatrist and it turned out that… that I’m sick. That’s… that’s something wrong with my mind. They had given me pills and I had therapy. All was okay, but… but then Anya’s parents died in car accident. I know, that’s rather common cause of death, but… it hurt me badly. Anya was also hurt. She was sixteen and I was fourteen. It was a blow, because I’ve just gained family and then… the only one who I had was Anya. And I went back to the orphanage. This time with her and I was so sorry that she had to get through this. I had huge problems with sleeping then, I couldn’t sleep at all. There were nights that I was strolling around the orphanage, when everybody was asleep and I was just looking. I always ended up near Anya’s bed, looking at her when she was sleeping. I was so jealous because everyone could and I couldn’t, even with medicines for that. I could took maximum dose and still, nothing. But I felt guilty because of that she had to be there. Then she was alone for some time. I blamed myself for all of this.”

“But… Lexa, that wasn’t your fault.” Clarke tried to comfort brunette, because she saw how hard for her was to tell her this story. “It was an accident…”

“Hell, I know.” Lexa sighed with painful smile and Clarke glanced at her eyes now filling with tears that Lexa wiped away before they decided to fall. Clarke was impressed because of Lexa’s strength that was visible. Even now, when she didn’t have to be strong, she was. “But I also know that they decided to drive because I’ve run out of my medicines. And they knew that I can’t sleep without them. My father… wanted to take his car but my mother stated that she would go, because she told us that she knew new cheap pharmacy, and my pills were expensive. And my father told her that he wouldn't let her go alone in the middle of the night. They went out of our house and they have never returned.”

“I know how painful it is, I’ve lost my father when I was fourteen. But… if you want… tell me the rest of your story.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s shoulder and she started to wonder if Lexa would mind if she hug her, but she didn’t have enough courage to ask.

She had known that something had to be with Lexa. Brunette was enigmatic and very aloof and pretended like she was cold and tough as a rock, but deep down in her heart Clarke knew that Lexa was above this, that all she ever did was feel. And then she finally had a proof.

“Yeah, of course.” Lexa shrugged and she got back to her story. She seemed to be exhausted, but not because of the story. More like because of the burden she had been bearing for too long. “When Anya turned eighteen she took me and we moved out. She found a job and start working. I was studying, but I was wondering and I still do, why she took me with her. I tried to help her a little and I tried to gain fellowship and I succeeded. I had it even now, because I’m trying to work hard.” She stated and Clarke nodded. Lexa didn’t add that only the fellowship is carrying her whole and not shattered into pieces, laying mindlessly in her bed. She knew if studies were gone, she would not cope with her life anymore. Learning kept her busy all the time. “I met Costia. I fell in love and then… I fell. I opened up and I regret it till now. She betrayed me, she was junkie and she… she used me. I don’t like this part of my story, because all Costia had taught me is that love is weakness and I don’t want another one. Maybe someday, if you will want it, I will be able to tell you the whole story what was between me and her.” Lexa’s voice was quiet, yet strong. Clarke sighed and brunette glanced at her. “I know what you might think now, Clarke. That I’m wrong. But maybe I’m afraid of another betrayal. I don’t know. She disappeared and I was shattered. I wasn’t always into people and talking, but after Costia I took a huge step back and cut out everybody I have ever known. I cut out of Anya, I haven’t spoke for… couple of months. I literally forgot how to speak. And we moved here. I met you and then… Costia was back, asking me for one more chance. I knew that this one is what everybody deserve. Like… I didn’t deserved second chance. Anya was demanding, she tried to cope with her life, with everything, all alone. I didn’t want to neither disturb her nor let her down, so I… I was alone. And now Costia… she was bothering me for the last week with texts and phone calls. And for now I know that’s over. That I don’t feel anything for her anymore. That I… I don’t love her anymore. I… I I’ve heard what you said when I ran away then, in the forest.–“ she interrupted for a while and she glanced at Clarke. Blonde blushed badly and her heart started hitting her ribs like a hammer. Lexa slightly smiled, but she didn’t want to say anything about that. “–but don’t know if I’m ready for another relationship. I’m taking my medicine. I’m trying to live a life I always wanted, but it’s hard. Last week was fucked up and I know I fucked up. I was rude, unpleasant and I hurt you, I didn’t want to, Clarke. I’m sorry. It was all because I was thinking about Costia and our relationship that doesn’t exist…. That had not existed at all for a long, long time. I was too blind to see it. And now I decided to let her go. I don’t want her in my life.”

“That was… courageous of you.” Clarke smiled. “I hope you will be happy.”

“Yeah, me too.” Lexa took a sip of her tea. Her voice was louder than previously and she tried to smile. Clarke smiled too.

“Can I ask you… why was you wondering why Anya took you with her? Of course, if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to.”

“Because I caused problems… and I’m still doing it. And she had enough of them.” Lexa shrugged.

“You were teenager. Every teenager causes problems…” Clarke stated, but Lexa shook her head so suddenly that blonde got a little scared.

“But not problems like that.”

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked carefully, feeling that this was very delicate case. Andd it was.

“I tried to…” Lexa averted her gaze. She sighed deeply. “I really wanted to die.”

Clarke was petrified. She couldn’t say a word for a while. Her thoughts were as fast as racing cars.

“What…?” she asked with fear in her voice. ”Please, tell me that you don’t want to say that…”

“Twelve times.” Lexa nodded, trying to avoid Clarke’s eyes. “Many different ways.”

“Lexa…” Clarke was looking at Lexa with worry and she was so sorry.

“Nothing, really. It was an action of person who hated herself so badly that she hadn’t even been able to look at her in the mirror.” She stated but Clarke analyzed her previous words and that was something that hit her with a force of dispelled lorry.

“What you mean by »I still do«, Lexa?” she asked with worry in her voice. “You don’t want to tell me that you’re still thinking about…”

"I don't want you to think that I need mercy or something, Clarke. I don't. I'm not poor little Lexa with problems. I chose that way." She stated, but blonde shook her head.

"Lexa, I..."

“You know… I… You may think that my ways are harsh, but that’s how I survived.” Lexa stated, but she still didn’t really answered Clarke’s question.

“Maybe life should be about more than just surviving?” blonde asked, looking at brunette. “Don’t you deserve better than that?”

“Maybe I do.” Lexa shrugged without belief. “I don’t know, Clarke. I… I’m just sorry because of last week. I… I…”

„Lexa, listen to me.” Blonde caught Lexa’s shoulder, completely ignoring that Lexa didn’t like to be touched (and Clarke forgot to ask about it) and she nearly forced her to look at her. When her eyes met emerald ones, Clarke could see enormous sorrow and lack of hope. “You’re great and you deserved better. Anya is your sister and she’s… she’s always by your side. I know that life can be overwhelming, but you’re not alone. I… I don’t want to run away from you, because I like you… I like you just the way you are, you hear me?” she asked and Lexa slightly nodded. “You can count on me. I will be by your side too.”

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“Lexa… promise me that you will at least try to like yourself. You’re great, as I have already said. You can do many things and you’re outstanding in them. You can dance, you can sing, you can play the guitar. You can do these… judo things. You can score in handball in the most great way I’ve ever seen. I… Even if I’m the only one except your sister who cares about you… I still care. And I will.”

“I know, that’s why I…” Lexa stopped, slightly embarrassed. “That’s why you’re you.”

“Lexa…?”

„I’ll try.” Brunette sighed and Clarke turned to her slightly embarrassed.

“Can I hug you?” she asked and Lexa thought for a while.

“Yes, please.” She whispered and Clarke hugged her, holding the brunette thigh.“Thank you for listening to me.” Lexa whispered from between Clarke’s arms. “And for not running away from me.”

“Nothing to thank about.” Clarke smiled and stroked brunette’s back. “I’m here for you. And thank you for opening up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. I hope you liked it, I really like this one, maybe it's even my favourite chapter so far. :) but, anyway. A lot of talking. I've never predicted that Lexa would be talking this much, but she did. And she made some things straight I think.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and bookmarks and comments that you've left. I'm glad that you're here. Let me know what you think about it, feel free to leave ideas, I'm always happy to see them!
> 
> And, if any of you had parallel problem like Lexa, stay strong. You're worth every day, every great thing that happens to you. You're great. And you'll always be.
> 
> Take care and until Tuesday!


	27. Warpaint

Next day Clarke woke up perfectly rested, she opened the door for her friends who came and she sat on her bed. She was relieved that Lexa decided to talk to her and say the history she'd told. She appreciated that brunette finally was ready to get everything straight and, even if she didn't understand what was between her and Costia for real, she was happy, because Lexa opened up. And for story about Costia would be time later. Clarke felt great also because brunette let her hug her and that feeling then was amazing and blonde could feel Lexa's shape, her weight, her fragrance even when both of them was back to their places.

“And how was your conversation with Lexa?” Raven asked, causing Clarke to abandon her thoughts. She was sitting on Clarke’s bed, Octavia sat on the chair and they both were staring at her friend.

“Pretty good.” Clarke smiled. “She explained everything to me and she apologized.”

“And…?”

“And we’re friends now.” Clarke shrugged and Octavia and Raven groaned.

“For fuck’s sake, Clarke, couldn’t you tell her that you love her?” Octavia was disappointed, but blonde shook her head.

“No, I couldn’t.” she stated with wide smile. “Because we were talking about everything, I don’t love her, I’m in love with her and… and we… we didn’t really started the subject of feelings between us. I mean… maybe there’s none, but…”

“Yeah, who you try kidding?” Raven smirked and Octavia chuckled. “We all know that there’s something between you two.”

“Oh, shut up and put on your suit.” Clarke laughed with blush on her face.

This day they all had a day out, but it was school holiday and they all had to wear they school uniforms. They weren’t terrible; black jacket with grey accents, matching trousers or skirt and a tie in colours of their specialization. Or a bowtie, but Clarke haven’t noticed this one among the students yet. Or, maybe, she didn’t look carefully. And, of course, all the students had their pins according to classes they were in. Clarke had pin in shape of pencil and sketchbook. Raven had a pin in shape of cogwheel and Octavia had pin in shape of a ball. Everyone wore skirts, because two of them wanted to feel like girls being in school uniform and Clarke just felt comfortable in this configuration. If they wanted, they had an opportunity to have black V-neck sweater with grey accents on elbows and collar, but they gave up on this idea. White shirt instead of black (they were for choosing as well) and they were ready.

“Someone knows what will be for evening performance?” Octavia asked when they went out of Clarke’s dorm and they hit the crowd of students. “Because I haven’t heard about it.”

“Neither have I.” Clarke shrugged. “What we’re gonna do now?”

“You dare asking?” Raven was indignant. “Hell, we should take a look on this attractions poster.” She stated and they approached the place she pointed. “What do we have here…”

“I would recommend you to look at our science fair, there are a lot of things that may interest you.” They heard from behind. Clarke turned around immediately and she froze for a while.

“And you are…?” Raven squinted her eyes, remaining suspicious.

“Really guys, don’t you recognize me?” Girl started laughing and that laugh enlightened blonde.

“Lexa!” she almost shouted. Raven and Octavia’s eyes widened and they kept staring at brunette. She had her glasses on, but her eyes remained in colour of honey. She had done smoky eye and it looked perfect on her face. Her always braided hair were tied into a messy bun and some wisps slipped out of it. One of them was on brunette’s face and she casually puffed it away. She had black trousers, black shirt and V-neck sweater, she rolled her sleeves and she had a metallic silver bowtie. And, also, she had the pin in shape of cogwheel. She spreaded her arms and warmly hugged Clarke for good morning.

“I can’t believe that’s you.” Octavia adjusted her orange tie and she didn’t stop looking at Lexa.

“You wear glasses?” Raven was shocked.

“Not so often.” Lexa smiled in the most friendly way she could. “But when I got them on, I seem to be smarter than I actually am. And for a festival of science like our science fair… it’s just perfect.”

“What the fuck, she speaks a lot.” Octavia whispered and brunette laughed.

“Sometimes I do.” She stated. “But if you don’t want to look at what engineering or medicine groups can do… you can go to the sports zone.” She pointed at the grass near the building. “Sport classes organized some kind of olympic games for people. You know, students who aren’t our students yet. A lot of fun, something like that. And, if that doesn’t please you either, you can go into this building–“ she pointed at the place where Clarke and she always studied history and when Clarke had her art classes. “–and take a look on our great art gallery. It’s quite impressive.”

“How did you know all of this?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa and she felt that she were falling for this girl even more. Even if she still had her lenses and her emerald eyes weren’t emerald, Clarke’s heart melted and skipped a beat, because Lexa was awesome. She looked so fucking good in the outfit she had on, she was… just perfect.

“I helped with organization, no big deal.” Lexa shrugged, adjusting her glasses and then pushed her hands into her pockets. “That was pretty funny for me, even if I don’t really like being around people.”

“Could you be our guide today?” Clarke asked quietly with heart eyes stuck in Lexa. Brunette smiled with slight embarrassment, she scratched her neck, but she nodded eventually.

“Why not, but you have to remember that… you know… it’s the day with gates open. When there will be a group of people, even if I pray for them to not going to me, I will have to take them and go for a tour.” She stated and Clarke was so fucking proud of her. Lexa could see that in her eyes and when she noticed it, she blushed a little, but her eyes thanked Clarke for the support.

“Don’t worry, we will help you with all we have, do we, Clarke?” Raven stated and then she leant towards her friend with smirk on her face. Clarke pushed her and she smiled shyly.

“Of course we do.” She stated. “But shut up.”

“Maybe we can go for some tea?” Lexa offered. “I heard that BIO people have really great mixes.”

“I don’t know if »BIO people« sounds trustworthy.” Raven stated. “You know… I don’t like eating grass or so.”

Lexa laughed out loud and Clarke smiled on that sound. “Me neither, Raven, I'm proud carnivore. But they had mixes from plants from their own greenhouse, you shouldn’t be worried. They’re not making tea out of grass. Info confirmed.”

“Okay, let’s say I trust you…” Raven was suspicious all the time, but Clarke shrugged her shoulders, caught Lexa’s wrist and she pulled her towards the tent with tea, even if she didn’t know where it was.

 

*

 

“I’m so fucking tired.” Raven groaned a few hours ago when all the festival was moving near the playground for the final performance. Always a surprise, always amusing. Sky was turning grey and it was darker with every minute. “You had to have this seven tours, don’t you?”

“I promised to be one of the organizators. And, as you know, guides.” Lexa shrugged, but her smile was a little apologetic. “You know, duties.”

“Yeah, I know.” Raven yawned. “So, gurrrls, we go to the playground to see final performance?” she asked and Clarke and Octavia nodded, but Lexa actually didn’t do anything.

“I… um… I actually have to be somewhere else, so I can’t go with you.”

“Why?” Raven looked at surprised and Clarke turned upset at the moment Lexa said it. “Oh, come on, bitch, don’t you dare telling me that you have to go to organization tent and be on guard.” She groaned.

“Staying sharp is my work tonight.” Lexa gave them small apologetic smile. “I’m so, so sorry. But you won’t regret it, I promise. See you!” she waved to them and she disappeared into the crowd.

“She’s weird, Clarke.” Octavia stated. “You know, weird.”

“WEIRDO.” Raven nodded with passion.

“Couldn’t you chose someone else as you love interest?”

“Nah.” Clarke snorted. “Let’s go. If Lexa told us it’s worth watching, I trust her.”

“You better….” Raven interrupted and they went to the playground. They tried to go near the marked place, but they couldn’t. And when they accepted the things the way they were, Lincoln appeared.

“Hey, O.” he gave her quick kiss. “Guys, this way. You will see better.”

So they followed him and he leaded them to some kind of VIP zone. Clarke could see the place that was marked with ropes as every year. She could see all the area and she was pleased.

“Who will have this performance?” She asked Lincoln, but the only answer she got was wink of his eye and words: “You’ll see.”

And when the sky turned dark, the fire was set. Clarke recalled the night when she saw Lexa for the first time and she didn’t know that she was the one. The audiency could hear Lincoln’s voice through the speakers.

“She moved into our town this year. She decided to be one of the students of our university. She accepted our invitation for making final performance tonight. Ladies and gentlemen. This year we’re glad to greet one of the best tribal dancers in our country. With her moves, with her voice and with all her force. Lexa and her friends from The Grounders!”

Clarke, Raven and Octavia started screaming and cheering them up when all the group appeared. Clarke stared at Lexa who was lit by the light of raging fire. There was a huge pyre on the middle of their area and the drummers began to play. Dancers made their first move and then all the audiency shut their mouths up.

“She’s unbelievable.” Raven whispered to Clarke’s ear when she approached blonde, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the dancers, same as Clarke. They just watched them dancing and telling another tribal story they had to tell them. They were dancing around the pyre and they were incredible. With their long skirts with leather strips. With their bras made of leather which seemed to be torn out of animal. With their masks. With their tribal force, with their chief who was, obviously, Lexa. She leaded them into the dance, she leaded the story and she was the one who was the best of them all.  
The dance lasted several minutes, maybe ten, maybe a little longer, but everybody was amazed. And when drums suddenly stopped sounding, nobody was brave enough to rip the silence that descended. Flames on the pyre was raging and six dancers backed off. They disappeared from the circle of light and there was only one who remained. All the eyes turned on her.

“Am I late?” Anya asked Lincoln with an exhausted voice. She was barely breathing and Clarke assumed that she was running.

“I think that the best is yet to happen.” He smiled and Anya nodded. She stayed where she was, too afraid to approach Raven, but Clarke turned her eyes again on the playground.

“I may receive »I told you so« after all, but all I want to say for now is thank you.” Clarke heard Lexa’s voice, but nobody could see this girl saying it. Blonde knew that was because she had mask. But Clarke was surprised that Lexa had microphone under that mask. She didn’t even blink her eye, when she noticed that guys started beating drums and the performance continued. Lexa approached her mates from team with steps perfectly harmonized with rhythm of the drums. Clarke didn’t notice what she had done, when she heard Lexa’s voice again.

_I gotta find myself, I gotta find it now, I gotta be a man, I gotta find him now, I gotta be man, I gotta be the man. They wanna take me down, wanna see me crawl, I gotta be a man, I gotta find him now, I gotta be a man… I gotta be the man…_

Clarke noticed that her voice was firstly quiet and a little shy, but as the song went on, it became more powerful and louder. Clarke was mesmerized with Lexa’s voice, she could see her back moving when her body was telling the story. Lexa’s story, Clarke was sure.

_When I come to town for the last time, pull up in a fast car for the first time, I’m gonna say goodbye, you didn’t see me cry…_

Clarke saw her approaching, but Lexa still didn’t turned around and face her. Clarke was sick of it, she wanted so badly to see her, even if she knew that brunette had her mask on.

_I got a million on my soul, I go build an army on my own, They put a bounty in my soul… Won’t you leave me alone, oh, leave me alone, I gotta be a man, I gotta be a man.._

Lexa finally turned around and Clarke could see her… face. She was stunned and she was shocked. Lexa had not got any mask on her face. She had there only warpaint. She had her eyes and sides that led the way to ears covered with black corpse paint and on her cheeks there are marks like after meeting claws. The claw marks were connected to the cover on her eyes. She was singing and she looked right at Clarke. Blonde ‘s heart melted, stopped and then started beating like she was about to die.

She noticed that Lexa took off her lenses and Clarke could perfectly see her emerald eyes which were looking at her with gratitude and confidence. Emerald eyes with reflection of raging fire. Clarke knew that brunette was dancing for her and only for her. She had that special feeling. Lexa was moving, she was dancing, she made moves with her stomach, with her arms, with her fingers, with her legs.

Her whole body was lit by raging fire and eyes of all spectators were only on her. And she wasn’t afraid at all. She was confident as long, as she knew that Clarke is on her side, that Clarke is supporting her with all she had. Lexa felt free and Clarke realized something when brunette’s dance was about to end.

Lexa’s eyes told her that she’s not indifferent towards Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we are. I hope you liked this one... I did, because of Lexa's progress. She's more courageous when Clarke's on your side.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your appreciation! For kudos, bookmarks, comments! I'm really happy that you're leaving them here! Feel free to give me ideas and to tell me what you think!
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	28. Calling a truce

**LEXA**

“Anya? Everything’s all right?” Lexa asked when they came back home after the performance on the schoolyard. Anya had disappeared for a moment after congratulating her sister and when she was back, she was upset and silent all the way home.

“Yeah, it is.” She said nodding, but without belief. She went straight to the kitchen and she started preparing coffee.

“Coffee?” Lexa put her backpack with her tribal suit on the floor, near the couch and she approached her sister. “It’s late.” She stated, glancing at her watch.

“Who cares.” Anya shrugged indifferently. Lexa sighed.

“I do, you fool.” She said, forcing Anya to look at her. “What’s going on? Why you turned upset in less than a second?”

“Nevermind.” Elder one waved her hand, but Lexa wasn’t in mood to letting go.

“Tell me, please.”

“How was with Clarke yesterday?” Anya asked, but Lexa didn’t give a damn about that. She looked at her sister with suspicion and she crossed her arms.

“Don’t change the subject.” She hissed. “Tell me, what’s wrong.”

“I don’t want to bother you with my stupid problems.” Anya sighed, but Lexa shook her head.

“Your problems are not stupid, An. You’re my sister, I’ll try to help, whatever it’ll be.”

“I’d rather wanted you to tell me about your and Clarke’s meeting.”

“I’ll tell you about it, but you have to promise that you will tell me about what’s bothering you.” Lexa glanced at her sister and Anya sighed.

“Okay, I promise.” She stated, making a cross on her heart. “Now, tell me, how was it?”

“Pretty cool, I think.” Brunette smiled a little. “I told her everything, I explained her my behavior…”

“Did you tell her about your and Costia’s relationship? Like… you know, in details?” Anya interrupted and Lexa blushed, hesitating for a while. She leaned towards the kitchen table and she wondered.

“No.” she answered carefully. “Like… listen, An, it’s not so easy to tell somebody who you don’t fully trust something about you and…”

“I know that you’ve already told her a lot.” Elder one raised her hands in gesture of defense. “I do know. But… don’t you think that you should tell her about that?”

“I should, of course, I do.” Lexa sighed, clenching her fingers on table border and shutting her eyes. “But I wasn’t ready for it. Look. I did want it, but… there was something blocking me and the words didn’t want to come out of my mouth. I wasn’t ready for speaking of Costia, of…”

“What she’d done to you.” Anya nodded. “But you know that you will finally have to, right?”

“Yeah, I know. Now Clarke knows only the main plot of the story… but not the climax.” Lexa sighed once more. “But… I thought that I will be capable of saying it out loud. I thought that I finally got over it, but… I didn’t.” Brunette’s hands started shaking, she couldn’t control that. Anya approached her and she stopped close to her sister.

“Can I hug you?” she asked and Lexa remained still for a while and then she slowly nodded. Her sister carefully entwined brunette’s chest with her arms and she held her tight. Lexa exhaled hardly. “I know that’s hard for you, Lex.” elder stated quietly. “But we can work this out.”

“I let her touch me.” Younger whispered and Anya hugged her tighter.

“Really?” she asked with surprise in her voice. “That’s great!”

“I’ve told her everything about my anxiety, she understood it and she didn’t even want to run away… at least she’d said that. And then she asked me about that why I was wondering why had you brought me with you.”

“And had you?” Anya seemed to be surprised. “Hey, Lex, look at me.” She stated, almost forcing brunette to do what she said. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

“I was problematic. I still am.” Lexa shrugged. “I had not wanted to be a burden to you…”

“You’re never a burden to me.” Anya stated firmly. “And you had never been, you hear that? You have some kind of issues that we can cope with together and I can give you all the support you need. You’re my sister, sometimes I’ve got enough and you annoy me same as I am annoying you, but hey, don’t you even dare to think that you’re a burden to me, okay?”

“I’ll try.” Lexa nodded, hiding perfectly that her eyes wanted so badly to be wet because of tears. “I explained that I wanted to… I wanted…”

“Shhh.” Anya hugged her sister with more force. “It’s all right, calm down, sis.”

“And when she realized that I’ve said that I still sometimes… you know, think about it, she said that I deserved better and that life should be about more than just surviving…”

“She’s really the one, Lexa.” Anya looked her sister in the eye. “She’s the one.”

“I know, Anya. I do.” Brunette nodded, but she finally shook her head as if she tried to get rid of some thoughts. “But, anyway, I told you what you wanted, now it’s your turn. What’s wrong?”

“First of all, what’s wrong with you? I could see this move, Lexa.” Anya stared at her sister carefully and she waited for brunette’s answer that didn’t come. “Hey, Lexa. You can tell me.”

“I know, An, but I… I don’t know if there’s anything to say.” She shrugged. “It’s all pointless. I know that Clarke’s the one, because I…”

“You show her your weaknesses, right?” elder one asked and Lexa nodded with shame on her face. “It’s nothing to be ashamed for.”

“But I feel like I did something wrong, you know? I showed her… my interior. Some part of it. That… I don’t know, I met with her after a week or more of just rejecting her because of nothing more than my stupid mood and brain sick as fuck. And then I vomited on her with all I had inside, she could possibly drown in waterfall of my fucking memories and my past…”

“Don’t try to make poetry out of that situation, ‘cause it’s starting to sound quite pathetic, Lex. But I get what you wanted to tell me, though.” Anya smiled and Lexa nodded. “But listen to me, I had known you for seven years now and I know that you’re not eager to share your emotions, even with a person like Clarke. Look, she’s important to you, but still, you decided not to tell her about the main problem that caused your behavior then, remember? I can see that you’re very strong person, you’ve got strong personality and character. You’re showing no signs of weakness even when you still remember what life made you experience. You’d decided to tell her everything just to make her understand what’s the matter. And that was a very tough decision, because you were aware that she could say »I’m out« after all, but you had taken the risk, so you’re very brave. You don’t like to share anything that you’ve got inside of you and that’s not very good for you, you know? Sometimes you have to tell somebody what’s going on. Speaking out loud about your demons sometimes helps to defeat them.” Anya stated and her sister clenched her fingers on the table even stronger than before.

“I have an impression that speaking about my demons could actually cause a vortex of something neither Clarke, nor you or me want to experience, An.” She whispered and elder one sighed. She squeezed her sister’s forearm comfortingly, sensing brunette’s extremely tensed muscles. Her forearm was hard like a rock.

“It won’t have to be like that.” Anya whispered, trying to explain something that Lexa didn’t seem to know. “Lex, all I want to say is that, um… you’re not really a person of talking, you know. I mean… your normal behavior is, when it comes to troubles, to go to your room, lock yourself in and not speaking for a while. And sometimes it’s good and I don’t say it’s not, but… you can remember what Costia caused. You tried not to bother, but you couldn’t. You stopped talking for months. You didn’t say a word, you remember? I know that that situation is hard and talking about that is hard, but… you have to. You have to release this demon, either with your psychiatrist, psychologist or with Clarke, you can also talk about it with me, but I’m not sure if you want to and I don't want to force you to. You have to release it and then tame it. But, please, no matter who you decide to talk to, do it. Just… just do it, I beg you.”

“I’ll try, okay?” Lexa nodded slowly, thinking about Anya’s words. Maybe that was something. Maybe she should think about speaking about it with somebody, but she didn’t feel ready. She didn’t talk about it with her doctor and her therapist knew almost everything. Like Clarke. But Lexa couldn’t decide who she wanted to trust more. Who she wanted to be vulnerable before. “But, anyway, I said what you wanted to hear, now it’s your turn. What’s wrong, sis?” she asked, trying to force her voice to be strong and firm, not to crack.

Anya sighed, thinking about that she shouldn’t be leaving this topic, because it was the rare situation when Lexa actually wanted to say something, but… there was a little problem. Lexa’s sight, steel sight, told her that she wanted to execute her promise. “Raven. She still doesn’t want to talk to me. I tried to, after your performance, but… but she was uncompromising. I couldn’t do anything.”

Anya prepared her coffee and she did tea for Lexa and the younger sister took it with gratitude after Anya put enough sugar in the mug. She also knew that if Anya prepared tea for her that meant that she actually wanted to talk about what was bothering her. Lexa sat on the coach and she observed her sister while Anya was sitting on the armchair in their living room, in front of Lexa, in opposite side of coffee table.

“Did she even explained to you WHY doesn’t she want to talk to you?” Lexa took a sip from her mug, not letting her eyes off her sister. Anya shook her head.

“Not this time. After our fight–“ she pointed Lexa and herself “–when she said something about me treating you bad she haven’t said a word to me. Any text, any mail, nothing.” Elder one looked wasted as hell. Lexa thought for a moment.

“Did you tried to explain her this situation?” she asked. “Because, you know, maybe she got it all wrong. Maybe she thinks that our relation is kinda toxic and that you’re torturing me or something like that.”

“And am I?” Anya asked sadly, didn’t answering the question.

“No, obviously, you’re not. And everyone who knows me also knows that I’ve never let you do some harm to me, because you’re my fucking sister and I’m not your fucking pet. And I’m sure that Raven have heard that when I was snapping at you at the party when I met Clarke face to face for the first time for real.”

“You mean when you fell for her?”

“No, it was earlier, but that’s not the point.” Lexa smiled a little. “We’re not talking about me and Clarke, because there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Such a pity.” Anya sighed. “That’s a lot more interesting than my problem with disobedient heart.”

“Deal with it.” Lexa shrugged, taking another sip of her sweet tea. “And answer my question.”

“I tried from the very beginning, even before she slammed the door.” She stated. “But she had not wanted to listen to me and I didn’t have enough courage to force her to.”

“I get it.” Lexa nodded her head, wondering what to tell her sister. She exactly knew that this was her fault, because of her reaction that time. “You know… I don’t really have any idea what to do, but how about me talking to Raven? I… I’ll just try to explain something, what do you think?” she asked, looking with her emerald eyes straight to the brown eyes of Anya.

“Could you…?” the elder one was surprised. “I know that… maybe you don’t like her much, but…”

“She’s Clarke’s best friend and I’m around Clarke, you know. It’s not so hard to talk to Raven, because she’s often near. And when I know that you really likes her… then I can try speaking with her. I think that, at least, she will listen to me for a while.”

“If you could, it would be great, but…” Anya thought for a while and she shook her head, changing her mind. “No, I don’t really think if that’s a good idea. You know… she doesn’t want to talk to me, so I don’t make her think that I sent you to force her to do it.” Anya said and Lexa shook her head.

“I can just be around and want to talk to her.” She shrugged. “Seems legit.”

“No, it’s not. Lexa, please, don’t do it.”

“Okay, then. I just… I just wanted to help.”

“I know, sis.” Anya sighed. “But I… I have to deal with consequences of what I’ve done.” She stated. “And I have to do it alone.”

“As you wish.” Brunette smiled. “But, anyway, I had something for you.”

“What?” Anya was surprised and Lexa grabbed her backpack and she started looking for something in it. Lexa’s sisters eyes become wider. “Don’t you say that you have this…” she interrupted. “If you do, I will…”

“Don’t finish the phrase.” Lexa interrupted her sister, pulling out of the backpack a book what Anya was looking for ages. Mary Shelley’s _Frankenstein_ , the first edition without the latest corrections of the author. Lexa found this book in antiquarian bookshop and she spent some time in bindery where she learnt how to rescue this old book. Now this copy, which was totally wasted, looked like almost new one. Lexa handed it to her sister with wide smile. “Because you will promise something that you will regret.”

“You mean…?” she asked suspiciously and Lexa laughed. Anya took the book and she seemed to be awed. She opened it and squeaked with joy. She stood up, shortly hugged Lexa, thanked her and sat at her place.

“I need some stuff for something. And you know what kind of books, wires or cogwheels I need.”

“Forget that. I…”

“Shut up.” Lexa laughed harder than previously. “Just kidding. I’ll go on my own looking for that shit. And for now… I’m sorry, but I have to do something before I’ll go to sleep.”

“You’re crazy, bitch.” Anya smiled, looking with amazed face at her new–old book and Lexa felt victorious because of that one smile her sister gave her.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

“Raven, I have strange impression that you’re not you.” Blonde stated when she saw her friend.

“What do you mean?” latina asked, sitting on the bench near Clarke.

“You… you’re angry or something since yesterday’s evening. You know, when Lexa was performing and right after that you had been amused and then you were gone for some time and then… you came back upset or angry, I can’t tell exactly and… what’s going on?”

“Nothing special.” Raven shrugged. “I can deal with it.”

“You don’t have to deal with it all alone.” Clarke stated, glancing at latina. “You can tell me, I will always try to help you, you know?”

“Yeah, but there’s nothing to help with.” Raven stated firmly. “Because I made my decision and nothing’s gonna change that, you know?”

“Stubborn like always.” Clarke sighed. “But as you wish, I won’t push you.”

“That’s Anya.” Raven stated finally.

“Yesterday she had been at Lexa’s performance and I can’t blame her because of that, she’s Lexa’s damn sister, but… after the dance she came to me.”

“And…?” Clarke didn’t really know what to say. She felt that what Anya did was, at some point, right. She had had enough and she decided to talk to Raven, she wanted, probably, explain things, like Lexa wanted.

But between Clarke and Raven there was apparently one huge difference; Clarke really wanted to hear what Lexa had to say, she wanted to know everything and she wanted to forgive her. And Raven? Apparently, Raven didn’t. She was too proud for that.

“She tried to talk to me, but you remember what I told her previous time. That I don’t want to see her and talk to her anymore. And she didn’t get it! She just was there and she wanted to talk, she wanted me to listen to her! When she didn’t even give a chance to Lexa when they were fighting!”

“You’re a little bit too harsh to Anya I think.” Clarke sighed. “She did wrong and she knows that. She wanted to apologize to you or, at least, give you some explanation. And you told her…?”

“To fuck off.” Raven finished the phrase that Clarke started. Blonde nodded with sadness and she thought that her friend should get some temperance in her words. She was aware that latina’s decisions could possibly cause disaster. “I didn’t wanted and I don’t want to talk to her. Is that so hard to understand?”

“I think that yes, it is.” Blonde shrugged. “Because she likes you. And she wanted you to understand her. Didn’t you have fights with somebody you actually cared about and say a little bit more than was, I don’t know… bearable to the other? Like… saying too much, because you felt that the person with who you were arguing crossed the line?”

“That’s different, Clarke! Lexa didn’t cross the line!” Raven stated, but blonde wasn’t so sure.

“You can’t know this, Rae.” She sighed. “You weren’t there from the beginning, neither was I and, also, you can’t tell where the line of Anya’s acceptance was. You should try to understand her, you know? Because… because maybe she really cares about you.”

“But I don’t care about her.” Raven was stubborn as hell, and Clarke was helpless. She couldn’t say a word, but she did saw that Raven was lying to her.

Latina pulled out her phone and she turned it on.

“Why did you have it turned off?” Clarke asked with surprise.

“Anya was calling to me.” She shrugged, checking what was happening when she was out of the phone life and Clarke rolled her eyes. About five phone calls from Anya and one message form unknown number. Raven opened it and read.

**(Unknown): Hi, Raven. I wanted to ask you something. Would you mind meeting me? Please, it’s important. I have to know if you want it or not. Lexa**

Raven was surprised, but she didn’t say a word to Clarke and blonde didn’t peeked at latina’s screen.

**Raven: Sure, but if you want to convince me to talking to Anya, you can let it go now. You had my phone number from her?**

She typed as fast as she can. After sending the message she saved the number in her phone. Answer was back in few seconds.

**Lexa: I expected that, but no, I won’t. It’s not up to me. Can we meet?**

**Lexa: And no, I gained it on my own. She didn’t know about it.**

Raven thought that it was about Clarke. She turned suspicious.

**Raven: Would you like to talk about Clarke?**

**Lexa: Who knows her better than you.**

**Raven: Then that’s the subject of upcoming conversation?**

**Lexa: Maybe. You still didn’t answered me.**

**Raven: Okay, when and where.**

**Lexa: At Arcadia. Next hour?**

**Raven: I’ll be there. Stop being so enigmatic.**

**Lexa: Then I’ll be boring. See you.**

Raven didn’t answered, because she knew exactly that that was the end of conversation. She excused Clarke and was on her way to Arcadia café.

 

*

 

“There I am.” Raven said when she saw Lexa sitting in the café. “You wanted to talk about Clarke.”

“Not really.” Lexa said, pointing at the chair on which Raven sat. “At least… not directly. Coffee? Tea? Cake? Before we start.”

“You seem to be pretty confident. I didn’t know this side of you.” Raven raised her eyebrow, but Lexa only smiled and stood up, waiting for answer. “Coffee will be fine.”

“Few people knows, by the way.” brunette smiled and she disappeared into the local to make the order. She was back with black coffee for Raven and a mug of tea for her. “Here you are.”

“Thanks.” Raven nodded and she smiled a little. “So, you wanted to talk.”

“Yeah, I wanted to. I think that there’s something I have to tell you. And that I have to make some things straight.” Brunette stated, and Raven started to be more aloof.

“Anya sent you there.” She didn’t ask. She stated.

“No.” Lexa said firmly and so confidently that Raven couldn’t not believe her. Also, brunette was looking latina straight in the eye. “She didn’t really wanted to talk to me last time. And she didn’t even know that I wanted to meet you. But I’m not here for telling you about her. I want to tell you something about me.”

“And you think that it will interest me?” Raven raised her second eyebrow and Lexa laughed. “No offence, but… you’re rather in Clarke’s type than mine, so…”

“I don’t want to convince you to me, Raven.” Lexa grinned. “I’m not interested in you, ‘cause you’re not really my type and I’m not interested in relationships, so… don’t talk about this. I wanted to tell you about me that you will understand something, may I?” she asked politely yet boisterously and she waited for latina’s answer.

“Yeah, why not.” She shrugged. “Go ahead.”

“I’ve lost my parents when I was five.” Lexa stated, stunning Raven immediately. “And when I was thirteen Anya’s parents adopted me. When I was fourteen they died. After that Anya and I were in orphanage. When Anya turned eighteen, she moved out and took me with her. She didn’t have to, because I was her stepsister, she could have just leave me there, but she wouldn’t.”

“Are you trying to tell me how Anya’s great?” Raven took a sip of her coffee, but Lexa shook her head.

“No, I’m not.” Brunette shrugged. “Sometimes she's a bitch, butże who's not. I'm just telling the things as they were that time. I was problematic, so am I now, and I am sure that’s she is the only one person who I can fully trust. She was and she is always by my side and she’s always supporting. She never judges me because of who I am. She is just there, where I expect her to be. Maybe sometimes she doesn’t have enough time for everything, but I always know, somehow, that she has got my back and be there for me.”

“Okay, let’s hold on for a second. If you’re not trying to show me Anya’s greatness, than what’s the point of you telling me all this?” Raven asked suspiciously, looking at Lexa. Brunette became more careful, because she knew that everything she will say would be probably remembered.

“Because I know what happened between you and my sister.” She stated and when she noticed that Raven was moving the way like she wanted to go, Lexa added: “Oh, Raven… I… I don’t really care whether you’re with her or not. You’ve made your decision and I have nothing to do with it, I know it. But Anya’s my sister and I don’t want you to see her like an enormous badass, Raven. You and Clarke were in the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all.”

“What?” Raven seemed puzzled. “Can you explain what you mean?” she asked. Latina started to understand what was Lexa’s point. Brunette didn’t want her to come back to her sister. She wanted her to understand what happened and maybe, just maybe, look from the other side at the problem. Raven decided to give Lexa a chance.

“Sure.” Lexa smiled. “It was quite hard week for me and Anya, I think. I had a lot of rehearsals in The Grounders’ meetings because we’re working on new choreography. I was frustrated, because nothing was like I wanted it to be. Anya had problems in her work, because her boss had changed and he seemed to be fucking idiot who thinks that he knows everything better than people who actually know the topic from scratch and who are in this corporation for years. He was demanding in the most rude way he could and Anya tried to cope. What was more, dean of her university wanted to see her and tried to convince her to go on studies on daily basis. She was frustrated, because the dean was tenacious and she was under the pressure. She didn’t agree. I was mad, because, except for the dancing group, I had a lot of problems because of my engineering project and there were couple more things. We were like two volcanos ready to erupt, but we were silent at the time. You know, we’re a siblings made from an extravert and an introvert. Sometimes we have times when we’re completely silent and that’s okay. We can not to talk to each other for week or so.”

“How is that?” Raven was surprised as hell. “That’s…”

“Normal by us.” Lexa smiled gently and she took a sip of her tea. “Sometimes we both need a silence. But sometimes are days like that one when you heard us arguing.”

“What you mean?” Raven was just curious. She wanted to know what happened.  
“Sometimes her extroversion wants to talk so badly and my introversion doesn’t want it at all. When we’re okay, that’s no big deal. She tells me what she wants to and I’m just listening. But when we’re both frustrated, mad, extremely angry and upset at the same time… that’s eruption. And that happened at that moment. She wanted me to talk with her, because we were going past each other in silence for a week or more. I had not wanted to talk, because I had my own problems and I was in bad times, because of my mental issue and I wanted to be left alone. She asked me for conversation and I refused. Maybe I did it too rudely, but I did it and what was done cannot be undone. We started arguing. I understand her, because when she has to carry all the burdens, the weight became overwhelming and I was in this house with her, I was the only one who she could speak with. I should’ve been supporting her, but I wasn’t that time. She shouted at me because I was totally indifferent and her scream was a scream for help, for conversation, not a scream of anger.” Lexa glanced at Raven’s face. She could see something like understanding in her eyes, so she decided to end this story. “We all have our limits, you know it well, ‘cause everybody does. And sometimes things that happen are the things that cross the line. I crossed the line, because I was indifferent as fuck. I didn’t give a shit about what was happening around me and around her. I wasn’t interested in anything, not even my life at all. I’ve had enough, so had she. And I answered her in the most rude way I can. I replied her with words that hurt her and… she was upset because of what I’ve said. She started talking about Costia and everything, and I felt that she crossed MY line, even if it’s so elastic. You know, one day I can get along with everything, no matter what you say, and the other day… I can’t cope with the words about my ex. So we started arguing for good and then she’d said what she said, because she was helpless. And she was right.”

“No.” Raven shook her head. “She was not.”

“Raven, no offence, but you don’t even know me.” Lexa smiled sadly. “You can’t tell if she was right or wrong without judging her or me.”

“Yeah, but… nobody deserves treating like that, Lexa.” Raven crossed her arms. “Like… you know, nobody deserves to be hit with words like that.”

“I deserved. And I’m grateful that Anya said it.” Lexa shrugged.

“What?” brunette’s words surprised Raven so much that she couldn’t say anything more.

“Anya is the only person I can fully trust, I’ve already told you that. And she knows me better than anyone really do. I was always alone and when I was adopted I was gifted from fate. I had sister and I liked spending time with her. I decided to let her know me, and… she wanted to. She didn’t reject me, so she knows that when I’m emotionless and when I’m in bad condition like that she should say something what can make me think again. With my head. And she did it.”

“But… you’ve run away!” Raven didn’t understand the situation. “You seemed like…”

“Yeah, I seemed extremely angry and I was.” Lexa nodded, looking at Raven’s eyes. “You have to understand, Raven, that my reactions are different than reactions of normal, totally health person. Like… sometimes the difference barely can be seen, but sometimes… the difference is significant. Anya knows me so well, that she could tell what’s wrong with me and when she can say something or not. Maybe, okay, MAYBE, it hurt me a little, but it’s nothing I can’t cope with. I was angry, because she had to say something like that just for obtaining some proper reaction. And… I was angry at myself, because, once again, I couldn’t behave like an adult. I snapped at you and Clarke and I was silent the next week, but I had a reason. Anya understands that, because she knows this situations. She’s used to them. She had a lot to cope with, and she’s trying her best to just manage, Raven.” Lexa sighed. “And that’s all, so I’m wondering if I can ask you for something.”

“Sure.” Answer was short, because Raven was in shock.

“Please, give her a chance to explain it to you. I don’t want you to go back to her, because that’s not my relationship and I don’t want to force you to do anything. Anya do care about you, but if you decide to leave for good, she will understand and respect your decision. I know her. But I just ask you to talk with her.”

“And why you think I want to?”

“Because you had agreed to meet me, Raven.” Lexa stated. “And you let me explain. You listened to me. And Anya’s not so different interlocutor than I am now. Maybe she’s a little bit more open than I am.”

“That’s right.” Raven slightly smiled. “But…”

“I’m just asking. No pressure.” Lexa smiled. “Nothing you have to do.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“You mentioned something like mental illness of yours… May I ask what did you mean?” Raven asked carefully, trying not to hit in the Lexa’s most sensible point.

“Maybe next time.” Brunette smiled and she stood up. “I gotta go.”

And she disappeared into the crowd, leaving Raven all alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a little bit longer chapter than usually. Anya helped Lexa to understand Clarke, so Lexa thought that maybe she would help Raven understand Anya and none of them knows about that. XD I don't know if it's good chapter, but I kinda liked it.
> 
> AND... what had Costia done to Lexa?
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed that, let me know what you think about it or if you have some ideas feel free to share. :) thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and comments!
> 
> Until Sunday (and it will be last Sunday when I will update. :( )Take care!


	29. Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's early for me, but it's good. I have sleeping problems so I assumed that uploading this stoy will be fine. Enjoy, because it's the last one chapter for October's Sundays. :)
> 
> OS #5

**LEXA**

“Hi there, what’s up?” she asked when she went home and started picking up her stuff from her bedroom’s floor. Anya was standing behind her, at the threshold of Lexa’s room and she was watching what her sister was doing.

“Nothing special.” She shrugged. “I’m home and I have totally nothing to do. And you…?”

“I have to go on my judo training. I have to have some extra hours of exercising, because I want to be at least good during the upcoming competition.” Lexa stated and she stood straight, facing her sister. “Anya, everything’s okay? You look terrible.”

“Oh, thanks.” Anya smiled in a sad way. “You know, I’m trying.”

“Anya…”

“Okay, okay.” The elder one shrugged, but said nothing after that move. Lexa sighed.

“Is that about Raven?” brunette asked and she waited for some reaction. After few minutes, when she zipped her black military backpack with rolled kimono inside, she glanced at her sister with impatience. And Anya knew that this impatience was forced. Lexa was patient as hell. She sighed.

“Yes, it actually is.” She gave up and she leaned towards the door-case. Lexa was worried.

“It will be all right, you hear me?” she knelt and looked her sister in the eye, trying to figure out which kind of support her sister had been in need for. “Hey, Anya, look at me. It will be all right. If Clarke wanted to speak with me… then Raven will want it too.”

“But there’s no need that Raven have to want to speak with you, Lexa.” Anya tried to joke, but her laugh was bitter and Lexa perfectly heard that. “She actually want to speak with you, she has no problem with it. But with me…? She apparently does.”

Lexa facepalmed with loud noise when her hand met her face. She snorted with laughter, but she was still worried about her sister. She squeezed her shoulder gently, trying to comfort her, but she had no idea what she should tell Anya. And the only thing that she was sure of, was that »everything will be okay« was not that thing. She had said it already and she knew that it was, probably, a beautiful lie.

“Anya… I really want to help, but you hadn’t allowed me to speak with Raven. I’m helpless here and all I can tell you is that I always got your back, you hear me? You always have my support, no matter what.” She stated, counting on her sister not to get to know that she had spoken with Raven already. Anyway, Lexa didn’t know about the results of their conversation and she hoped that she didn’t screw all up, because that would be another reason for… Lexa got rid of these thoughts even before they succeeded to conquer her mind.

“Thank you, sis.” Anya smiled with sadness. “Don’t be worried about me, I will be good. Just… give me some time. You have to go, right?”

“Yeah, I have to, but…” Lexa hesitated for a while, but Anya shook her head.

“I’ll be fine.” She assured her, standing up and squeezing Lexa’s shoulder. “Give all you got during today’s training.” She smiled and Lexa nodded.

“I will.” She stated and she made her way down the stairs. The elder one was right behind her.

“But…” Anya interrupted and Lexa glanced at her before approaching to the door.

“What? What’s wrong?” she looked at her sister carefully. “What’s on your mind, sis?”

“It’s… I know how you felt after this lost fight, Lexa. You… you can’t be so harsh for yourself. You have to breathe… to live.”

“Judo is a part of my life.” Lexa smiled widely. “And I was not harsh…”

“You were.” Anya interrupted her gently. “You had done the best you could. You were great, but you lost. You went straight to your room and started exercising. You were beating this poor sandbag up for several hours and then you hang yourself on it and started to… um… exercise harder.”

“Yeah, I remember that.” Lexa shrugged. “But you know that this was the way I abreacted. Like… I know that judo says something else, but for now I can’t just let this go. I was good. I was fair. I was… like, I gave all I had just to lose the fight!”

“YOU WERE GREAT.” Anya repeated with emphasis. “Your technique was way more precise and good than her. But your lost wasn’t your fault, Lexa.” Anya was calm, she understood her sister, but she was worried that Lexa was a little bit… overambitious. What, no. She KNEW that Lexa was overambitious. And Anya was worried that it will, one day, end badly. And she didn’t want it.

“I know. It wasn’t my fault that the arbiter hadn’t seen her hitting my face, because she was so good in doing this. But it was my fault that I wasn’t strong enough to turn for more than 90 degrees and force the arbiter to count twenty seconds from scratch. I wasn’t strong enough to move under her and it was… it was…”

“Lexa, I know what you think, at least I think I do.” Anya was careful, because she saw the fire in Lexa’s eyes. “But sometimes…”

“Sometimes I lose, I know.” Brunette sighed, nodding firmly but the fire in her eyes didn’t die. She was aware that life was about losing and winning, but sometimes being unfair was way more rewarding that being fair and honest. Even though Lexa was loyal to her heart and her rules and she knew that she would never give up on honesty. “But it doesn’t seem that I should let it go and not try to be better, okay?”

“Okay, sis.” Anya gave up, but she was still worried, because she knew what Lexa was capable of. “But please, be careful. Don’t overwork today, because you will regret it on the competition.”

“Yeah, I know.” Lexa smiled to her sister. “But, believe me, my sensei knows what he’s doing.”

Anya nodded, coming back to living room and Lexa caught the knob.

 

*

 

  
**RAVEN**  
Latina was hesitating for a while, but she decided what she would do. She stood up and went into the café for paying for her coffee, but waitress informed her that Lexa had already done it, what surprised Raven, but, finally, she had gone out, left a tip on the table, smiled a little and she went in the direction of campus. But she didn’t want to go to her place, she wanted to go somewhere else.

A few minutes later she was standing in front of wooden door and she hesitated with her fist raised. She didn’t even know if she wanted to give her a chance. Lexa was convincing, but Raven wasn’t so sure if her heart had been totally convinced. She made one step back and thought for a while about all the pros and cons of that decision.

The undeniable truth was that Raven cared for Anya and she cared a lot. She was sure that Clarke knew that she had lied to her when she had told blonde that she didn’t and latina was angry at herself about that. Raven wanted to make sure that Anya is OK and somehow she wanted to talk to her, but she didn’t have enough courage for knocking.

She was defeated by her own thoughts, when she thought that Anya didn’t want to talk to her because Raven was fucking rude for her. Latina decided to go to her place and maybe try to forget about all that, but she heard a sound of opening door.

“Raven?” That was Lexa’s voice. Raven swallowed hard and she turned around to face brunette. She had white tanktop, green crisscrossed flannel shirt and black military trousers. Raven’s eyes widened, when she noticed the trousers which she had never seen Lexa in. But it suited her. And she had military black backpack, so Raven assumed that she was certainly going out.

“Lexa?” That was stupid, Raven knew, but she couldn’t resist.

“Yeah, and Anya is in there, I think you should get to know her.” Brunette raised one eyebrow, sarcastically pointing the interior of her house with her thumb. “Would you like to come in?”

“I… I don’t really know.” Raven turned shy in a moment and Lexa sighed. She knew that admitting a mistake was hard. But she also knew, because of her own example, that when she had finally admitted that she was wrong and that she did something wrong, she felt breezy.

“If you’re here to talk with my sister like adults, you should go there and find her. If you’re thinking that she doesn’t want to talk to you, you’re wrong. But if you’re here to just say her that she treated me wrong and treat her the same way you thought she treated me… you shouldn’t be here.”

“I appreciate that she had a sister like you.” Raven smiled a little and Lexa smiled in answer.

“I have to go, you know what you want to do. You should shut the door. It’s up to you which side of it you would be on.” Lexa nodded to Raven and then she walked by latina and she ran towards the forest. Raven sighed. She was impressed that Lexa, who seemed to be so shy, is actually so confident and protective towards everyone who she had only small suspicion that could hurt her elder sister. And she seemed that she was able to be, also, extremely ruthless in that situations.

Latina made her decision and she stepped into the house. She looked around and assumed that nothing really changed there. She shut the door, like Lexa had told her and she heard a quiet sob. She made a few steps and then she heard sniffing. She was sure that if that was Anya, and her intuition told her that it was her, sobbing was because of latina.

“Lexa?” It was Anya’s voice. She tried to make it strong, but she failed a little. Just a little. “You forgot something?” she added when there wasn’t any response. She stood up of the armchair and turned around to face the person who she thought was Lexa. Anya froze, when she saw who was in her house.

“No.” Raven answered quietly. Anya made one step back.

“R-Raven?” she asked unbelievingly. “What… what are you doing here? It’s… you…”

“I actually wanted to talk to you, Anya.” Latina stated, not moving from where she was standing. “I wanted… of course, if you want it too.”

“I… yes.” Anya tried to calm her breath and crazy beating heart. She offered coffee or tea to Raven and latina asked for tea. Anya nodded and she went to the kitchen.

 _What is she doing here? Why is she here? Is she going to tell me that I’m the worst person she has ever known and…_ Anya’s thoughts were in vortex. She didn’t know what was going on, why Raven was there. She wondered if it was Clarke who convinced her to give Anya a chance (if, of course, latina wanted to give her a chance) or someone else… like Lexa. But her sister told her that she wouldn’t talk with Raven and… and Anya believed her.

She prepared drinks and she gave Raven her tea while latina took a sit on the couch. She smiled a little, but Anya was too nervous to smile back. Raven glanced at her ex girlfriend and she wondered.

“You told me that you’re here to talk.” Anya interrupted the silence, trying to be calm and Raven nodded. “Then…”

“I don’t really know what I should start of.” Raven stated, but Anya was only waiting. “Maybe… Maybe I should start of apologizing.”

“What?” Anya was surprised. “There’s no need to apologize… I…”

“No, Anya, listen.” Raven interrupted her gently, looking in her interlocutor’s eyes. “I was extremely rude and I overreacted. I saw how you treated Lexa and… and I didn’t even asked why was that. I was there in the wrong time and wrong place and then…”

“Lexa spoke to you?” Anya was suspicious, but Raven shook her head.

“No, she didn’t.” She stated so firmly, that Anya had to believe in her lie. And she did, maybe because she also wanted to believe it. “I… let’s say I grew up a little. I thought about it and I… and I assumed that I was fucked up. I didn’t even let you explain what happened, I just took for granted that you’re the evil one. I didn’t want it that way, so… if you don’t mind… please, tell me about what happened.”

Anya sighed. She didn’t expect conversation going like this, but she was glad that Raven tried to understand. Even if it was too late.

“I had bad week.” She shrugged. “I had some problems in corpo I’m working in. We have new boss and he’s an asshole. Nobody likes him and he thinks that he’s the best and that he knows everything about that fucking place. And, of course, that’s a fucking lie. He doesn’t know a thing and I think he is going to ruin this corporation. And If so, I will be without money. I’ve already started looking for something new, but, for now, I have nothing. And I was frustrated. So was Lexa, but for other reason. She was upset because of this fight she had lost during judo competition, you know, I think you saw it. And then… there was Costia. She was there in the match and she… she did everything just to go back to Lexa. I’ve already told you a small history of that lovers and it was certainly not a great love story. And sometimes there are times when I have to talk to someone, talk to Lexa, let’s be specific. And there are times when she didn’t want to talk to me. That’s all right, when we’re both in good moods, at least if she is. But if we’re all in bad moods… the eruption goes ahead. We’re shouting, sometimes we can even do some real fight.”

“And why is that?” Raven asked quietly.

“Because we’re different. She is shy, she is also an introvert, one hundred percent introvert. She is living her own life, going her own ways and she is suffering alone, in silence of her room, trying not to talk to anyone. She… she learned how to hide her emotions, because she was forced to do it, but I know that she had hard times too, even if she doesn’t show me. I know that… that for her the silence can be more dangerous than for me. Because she can lock herself in it and she doesn’t want let anybody in. And I? I am an extrovert. I find my peace with people, talking to them, spending my time with them. I can find help, because I ASK for it. And Lexa… Lexa can’t do it.”

“Why?”

“She just… she just can’t.” Anya said, trying not to tell too much about her sister. And Raven was impressed because of that. Not only was Lexa protective in this house. “And I know it well. Sometimes I can talk to her and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes she wants to tell me what’s on her mind, sometimes she doesn’t. And sometimes I’m trying to get help from her, but she refuses to give me one. She is indifferent and she didn’t even want to try to understand me. And sometimes that indifference towards me, towards her sister is the thing that can cross the line. We all have our lines, boundaries, and sometimes they are flexible, sometimes they’re not. This time when you’d saw us arguing… I crossed her line and she crossed mine. I was rude towards her, okay, but she was rude towards me too. I admit, I had told too much, but I apologized to her. She understood and she apologized to me too. We understand each other even if we fight sometimes and even if it looks bad. We’re siblings and we’re the only family we had. We should hang on together.”

“I see.” Raven nodded. Anya’s version was compatible with Lexa’s version, so latina could assume that Anya was telling the truth. “Look, Anya, I’m so sorry for the way I treated you.” She stated, looking at her interlocutor and she assumed that Anya is carefully looking at her. “I shouldn’t have been doing it this way, I should have asked you for explanation that time. I abandoned you in the most fucked up way I could, but… but now I see my mistake. I should’ve supported you, I should have stayed here and talk to you and let Clarke go after Lexa alone. But I didn’t. And we’d found Lexa in the forest. She was…”

“Let me guess.” Anya gently interrupted her and latina nodded. “She was behaving like savage animal which is afraid of everything that surrounds her. She was snapping at you two and she rejected the possibility to talk to you. She stated that everyone’s the same and every person is a problem and she doesn’t want one?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Raven was stunned. “How can you tell?”

“She’s my sister, Raven.” Anya smiled a little. “I know her, because she let me did it and I wanted it.”

“I… Anya… I’m… I’m so sorry for my behavior. For what I’ve done in the night of Lexa’s performance. She was great, her dance was… incredible. And after that when you approached me… I don’t even know why I treated you that way I did. I was still angry, but I was also blind. I lied to myself that I don’t want you, that I don’t need you in my life, but that was and still is a lie… I’m so sorry, I…”

“Don’t be.” Anya interrupted her. “I was a little bit bothersome, I think. I should have let you go…”

“No, you shouldn’t have. If you do, I wasn’t be here today.” Raven stated and Anya nodded.  
“Anyway, I’m glad that you wanted to hear my story. That you wanted to hear my explanation.”

“I want even more than only this.” Raven mumbled. “Anya… I will understand if you say no, but… do you think… do you think that we can start… from scratch?”

Anya’s breath stopped for a while. She didn’t expected Raven coming to her house and listening to her and this moment? She was there and she was even asking if she want to be with her again.

“I think… I can accept that offer.” She slightly smiled. Raven sighed with relief.

“But… can you promise me that… that you will never say something like that to her again?” latina asked worringly, hoping that Anya didn’t reject her question. The elder one wondered.

“I think that the last days brought us closer. We understand each other even more than we did. I can’t promise that I will not fight with her, because I certainly will, but… but I will try not to say such a thing again. I know that I shouldn’t have been saying that, but… what’s done cannot be undone. And I regret these words.”

“I believe you. And… thank you.” Raven smiled and she leaned towards Anya. Elder one did the same.

“Don’t be.” She whispered. “I thought that Clarke is Lexa’s only friend. And it turned out that she had more friends that she think she has.”

Raven only smiled on these words and both women fell for the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, Raven finally threw away her oversized pride and fucking ego and decided to do something with her life not to screw it up completely. I'm kinda proud of her that she understood that she couldn't push away the person she loves.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for positive feedback on last chapter, for all kudos, bookmarks and comments, you're amazing guys! Feel free to let me know what you think about this one.
> 
> Take care and until Tuesday. AndI I remind you that it will be Halloween and I promised double update then! ^^


	30. Boards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is first update for Halloween! Enjoy!

“Hey, Clarke, would you like to come and play some board games? I think that Lexa would be pleased to see you too.” Anya smiled to the phone when Clarke finally said “Hello?” on the other side.

“Oh, why not, that’s a pretty good idea.” Blonde answered and made Anya smile even wider. “But… can I ask why Lexa isn’t calling to me instead of you?”

“You don’t like me, Clarke?” Anya laughed when Clarke started explaining. “Lexa isn’t home and Raven and I thought…”

“Raven and you…?” Clarke interrupted, shocked. “I should certainly be there. Give me some time.” And she hung up.

“What did she say?” Raven asked, when she saw Anya looking at her phone with surprise and eyes wide open.

“Emm… she stated that she certainly should be here because of us. Or something like that.” Anya shrugged. “Can you explain me this?”

“Clarke’s my friend. That’s all you have to know. And… that’s all there is to know.” Raven smiled. “She’s just, I suppose, happy, because I am.”

“I hope so.” Anya approached Raven and she pulled her to her arms. “We should prepare. Clarke can be here any minute and Lexa should be finishing her training in about twenty minutes…”

“There’s so much time left then.” Raven smiled. “Can’t we do…”

“Nope, Rav.” Anya smiled and went to kitchen. “We can’t. Not now, when situation’s unstable.”

“What?”

“Clarke, my sister… I don’t want them to see us having great sex on the couch.” Anya laughed and Raven blushed.

“Who said that we will be having sex on the couch?” Raven raised her eyebrow.

“Yeah, and why I said it will be great?” her interlocutor laughed even harder than previously. “Maybe I was wrong, but, still, I don’t want them to see us having sex anyway.”

“An… maybe they won’t be able to see us…” Raven smirked and Anya glanced at her.

“Maybe, but they will hear us. At least, they will be able to hear you.”

“What?”

“I’m pretty good, I suppose.” Anya winked and Raven’s jaw dropped. “But for finding it out you will have to wait.”

And she started looking for some snacks.

 

*

 

“Hey, girls, what’s going on?” Clarke asked immediately when she was in the house. “I didn’t expect that you two were talking…”

“Thanks, Clarke, I always knew that I can count on you.” Raven scoffed. “Like… good word always.”

“Rae, do I have to remind you who among you two didn’t want to talk to the other?” Clarke raised her eyebrow and Raven blushed, but remained silent. Anya snorted with laughter and she invited blonde to the living room, for sitting on the couch. Clarke asked for coffee and Anya nodded, disappearing in the kitchen. Raven sat next to her friend.

“How did you forgave her?” blonde asked. “You know, you seemed to be… quite firm.”

“I… I understood something. I…–“ she interrupted, looking at the kitchen to find out if Anya was still there. “–don’t tell her, but I spoke with Lexa.”

“She convinced you to go back to her sister?” Clarke was surprised, because she didn’t expected such an action from brunette. That was not the way she was playing. However, Raven shook her head intensively and she glanced at Clarke.

“Actually it was quite opposite action.” She stated. “You know, Lexa was talking to me about her. She told me something that helped me to understand Anya’s point and behavior from that evening. And Lexa didn’t convinced me to going back to her. She made me understand that I want to know what happened… from Anya’s point of view.” Latina finished quietly and Clarke nodded. Yeah, Lexa knew how to be firm and cogent. At least blonde thought that way. She was silent, so Raven decided to continue. “And I went here. I met Lexa in the door and she told me that if I… If I am here for treating Anya the way I think she treated Lexa, then it’s better for me to go at my place and never come back.”

“You’re kidding me?” Clarke’s eyes become bigger. “Lexa told you that?”

“Not exactly in this words.” Raven shrugged, but smiled a little. “But that was a remittance. She told me that… how did she do that? Oh, yeah. That I know what I should do and that I know that I should shut the door. And it’s up to me which side of them I would be on.” She stated, making Clarke’s eyes even bigger than previously. “And then… she said that she has to go and she was gone, leaving me at the threshold, in front of their open door. And I knew what I should do. What I should’ve done some time ago.”

“And you talked to Anya.” Clarke nodded with understanding. “Fixing the situation.”

“We decided to give each other one more chance.” Raven nodded with smile. “To be honest… without Lexa I would have never step into this house. When I wanted to knock, I had strange feeling that Anya doesn’t want to see me. And I wanted to go back at my place, but then Lexa appeared, opening door in front of me and talking to me for a while. And she stated that if I’m thinking that Anya doesn’t want to see me, I’m wrong.”

“Lexa saved the day?” Clarke smiled with one corner of her mouth and Raven slightly nodded.

“She saved my relationship. You know, I’ve never supposed that she could be so firm, so confident. I was seeing her during classes every Monday and Friday and… she was so shy. Never speaking with anyone, never saying a word. Sometimes she lent a hand if someone asked her to, but she never wanted help. Always alone, always on the side, always quiet, always shy. And then? When it comes to defend her family…? Her sight was so ruthless that I was frightened.”

“She can change in a minute from shy puppy to the aggressive and pretty confident pitbull.” Anya stated, going out of the kitchen. Raven froze, thinking about how much Lexa’s sister had heard. Anya gave them drinks and she sat on the armchair and glanced at Raven. “But maybe saying she’s pitbull is not quite right in her case.” She shrugged. “Lexa is never aggressive if she doesn’t have a reason to be. She’s smart and that always make me compare her to german shepherd.”  
Raven nodded, so did Clarke. Anya’s words were convincing and Clarke could easily agree with them.

“But she can be frightening.” Raven stated carefully and Anya laughed.

“Oh, only when she doesn’t like you or she thinks that you’re the danger to somebody that’s important to her. When you're not respecting her she will give you ice. She willhad ignore you so much that you will start to doubt your own existence. When you're notnot respecting her feelings, but here's nothe problem, because she's not showing them too often, her ideas or, generally, if you're incompetent or irritating, or both, she will become cold and ensure wrath upon you lile some sort of blizzard or avalanche, but, be sure, completely quiet one. She will shut you out and then leave you. And she will make sure, even if she would be hurt because of her decision, that it will hurt you infinitely more. But in other cases — she’s like a puppy. When she trusts you… you can even rub her stomach.”

“Sounds like a cat.” Clarke smiled, a little bit frightened about what Anya ad said. “You know, going her own ways, always knowing who she belongs to and…”

“Sounds like you’re talking about me.” All three heard quite loud, suspicious and not really happy voice. Girls looked at the direction it was from and everyone froze.

“Lexa, we didn’t mean to…”

“Oh, Anya, shut the fuck up, you think that I don’t know that you’re thinking that I am as sweet as puppy?” Lexa raised her eyebrow and stepped forward to the light. Clarke could see bleeding scratch on her cheekbone. So did Anya and Raven.

“What happened to you?” Anya asked and Lexa smirked.

“Your sweet fluffy puppy turned into a beast when it had had a sparring.” She shrugged, trying to get rid of blood from her face, but she only ripped off slight crust and she had her hand in blood. “It happens sometimes.”

“I thought that in judo hitting in face is forbidden?” Raven asked with surprise. “Or I’ve understood something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t.” Lexa smiled, sitting at the arm rest of Anya’s armchair. “But nobody hit me in the face.”

“Then what happened?” Raven asked.

“I… hit the radiator when I was thrown.” She stated.

“Can I take a look?” Clarke asked, pointing Lexa’s face and brunette shrugged one more time. “Someone should take care of it.”

“It’s fine.” Lexa smiled. “I just… I just have to take a shower and it will heal itself.

“It doesn’t seem to want healing without any care.” Clarke stated and Lexa sighed. She took her backpack from the floor and she smiled.

“I’ll go and take a shower and then we will see, okay?” she asked and Clarke nodded. Lexa was gone and they all heard her steps when she was on the stairs.

“My little puppy seems to really, really like you, Clarke.” Anya smiled a little.

“I heard it!” Lexa shouted from first floor.

 

*

 

“Hurry up, we’re waiting!” Lexa and Clarke heard Raven’s voice from living room. Latina and Anya were preparing the stuff for board gaming and brunette with blonde were in the bathroom when Clarke insisted to take care of Lexa’s wound. Lexa wasn't so happy because of thather situation, because this time she had a little problem with somebody else's touch, but she tried to cope with it; she knew that Clarke wanted no harm to her.

“Clarke, for fuck’s sake, I’m all right.” brunette groaned, when blonde decided to clean her cheekbone with spirit.

“You don’t really like when someone care for you, don’t you?”

“I’m not used to it, that’s it.” Lexa shrugged, what was a half fo true and a half of lie. “And I think that I didn’t break any of my limbs, so you can finish it right now and we should go to them.” She stated, pointing at the bathroom’s door and suggesting that they should’ve been with her sister and her girl.

“Be patient.” Clarke smiled, sticking strips on Lexa’s wound. “It looks better now.”

“I’m still horrible, so it didn’t help at all.” Lexa snorted with laughter and she stood up. “Thanks.” And she went to the living room.

 _You’re not horrible, Lexa. Clarke thought. You’re…_ she couldn’t find words for describing Lexa. She shrugged and she made her way to living room. Anya, Raven and Lexa was waiting for her. On the table there was a board for Talisman. Clarke smiled. It was long time since she had played any board game. She took a character card of elf and she looked at Lexa, trying to be discreet and not to catch her glance.

And when Lexa rolled the dice to begin the game, Clarke knew exactly what should be the words that she couldn’t find in bathroom.

  
_The most beautiful creature in the world._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Board games are always great!


	31. Blue kimono

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update for Halloween! :)

“Lexa, everything's all right?” Clarke asked, when she met brunette the next day after school. She was sitting on the courtyard and she seemed a little bit worried. Lexa glanced at her and nodded.

“Yeah, I think.” She smiled. Clarke sat next to her on the bench and also smiled.

“How’s your wound?”

“Healed. Thanks.” Lexa shrugged. “Don’t you go to your dorm?”

“You want to get rid of me already? I just came.” Blonde smiled brightly. “What’s on your mind?” she asked and her interlocutor didn’t know what to say, so she remained silent.

“Hey, genius cyborg, how it’s going?” Raven greeted Lexa, approaching to the bench. “Hi, Clarke.”

“Don’t call her that, Raven.” Blonde huffed. “You know…”

“Clarke, it’s fine.” Lexa interrupted her gently. “It’s not offensive.”

“I would’ve got it if she named you genius, but cyborg…”

“That’s not offensive.” Lexa repeated quietly. “Raven is just… she’s just…”

“Don’t try to exculpate her…”

“Hey, I’m here, folks!” Raven waved her hands just for Lexa and Clarke to see her. “I can hear you. And Lexa’s right, I don’t want to offend her, she’s just so fucking smart and has time for everything.”

“What is she talking about? I mean… okay, I know that you’re genius, but…” Clarke seemed confused, but Lexa sighed loudly and she looked at both, Raven and Clarke.

“Please, stop calling me that. I’m not genius.” She huffed. She didn't mind of anyone called her »cyborg«.

“And that’s why they accepted your notification for being a part of big university engineering project?” Raven raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Please, don’t be silly and too modest, say it out loud!”

“I don’t want to.” She shrugged. “That’s nothing.”

“How can you…”

“Enough, Rae.” Clarke interrupted latina. “If she would want to say something about it, she will.”

“Thanks, Clarke.” Lexa smiled shyly and kept staring at her hands, not looking at anyone whom she was talking to.

“And how do you feel before your competition?” Clarke smiled amicably and she tried to catch Lexa’s glance, but she couldn’t.

“Stressed, I think.” Brunette shrugged. “I… I can’t get my thoughts together. I’m a mess I think.” She stated.

„Can we help?” Raven asked, looking carefully at Lexa. She really wanted to help, because she was still grateful for Lexa’s help with situation with Anya.

“Um… I don’t think so, sorry.” Brunette banged her gaze in the ground. “I… I just have to meditate for a while I suppose.” She stood up and she bowed like she was used to do before every fight. “See you soon.”

“We will be on the competition!” Raven shouted, but Lexa was too far to hear her. “What’s wrong with her?” latina asked, sitting next to Clarke. “You fucked something up?”

“No, Rae, I didn’t. She’s just stressed, I suppose that she will meet this fucking unfair girl from last time, you know.” Clarke stated and Raven nodded. “But I’m sure that this time she will beat her.”

“I’m sure too.” Latina smiled. “But, tell me, didn’t she say anything to you about this engineering project?”

“Nah.” Clarke shrugged. “Does it matter? You know, she’s talking to me, because she wants to and... for fuck’s sake, Raven, she doesn’t have to tell me everything she’s not satisfied with!”

“Yeah, and not telling you that our dean approved her application for engineering project led by Wick is straightly the situation when she »doesn’t have to tell you everything she’s not satisfied with«, Clarke.” Raven huffed.

“Don’t be rude, maybe it’s… I don’t know, maybe it’s not so important to her. Or maybe it’s not so sure she will be accepted. I don’t know, Raven, I didn’t ask.”

“And you should have to.” Latina shrugged. “Because what you’re telling me is bullshit. Every engineering student wants to be a part of this project. It’s the biggest project of our university. Every year there is competition where universities are making their proper machines and they participate in a race. You know, some kind of rally. University WRC championships.”

“Sounds like danger and danger, and…”  
“…yeah, Clarke, like danger. And don’t forget about danger in case if you forgot about danger.” Latina snorted. “I know why she didn't tell you." she smiled. "It’s not like regular WRC, because our engines aren’t that great, but, you know, it’s always so many things to see during this science festival and the race is just the cherry at the top.”

“I still don’t get why you’re telling me that. If Lexa thinks that this is important to her… why didn’t she tell me about it?” Clarke asked, looking at latina.

“I don’t have any idea, why.” She shrugged. “Maybe she’s trying to be focused on her competition today and she will tell you after that.”

“You know something about this project?” Clarke asked curiously, seeing Raven’s face. It was a little upset. “Because I can smell that you don’t like that Lexa’s a part of it.”

“It’s not really like that.” Raven blushed. “You know, I tried to get there last year and they refused, because they’ve told me that they had not wanted people from first year.”

“Okay, but Lexa’s not on first year.” Clarke stated constructively and Raven nodded.

“Yeah, I know, neither am I.” she shrugged. “But the thing is… you know. I applied again this year and they didn’t say »no«, but they didn’t say »yes« either. I was informed that they want me to help, but not be fully-engaged in this project. And yet? I can see Lexa, a smartass, who apply on the same place as me and she’s approved by dean to do it. Fully-engaged.”

“Rae, I try to understand your pain, you are the best engineer student at this university…”

“I was, Clarke. She appeared and then everything evaporated. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything to do with dean’s decisions, but… I felt… I don’t know, I just felt defeated. She’s better at everything.”

“But not in being a friend, Rae.” Clarke smiled and hugged latina. Raven smiled.

“Thanks.”

“I’m here for it.” Clarke shrugged. “But look, maybe she…”

“Please, don’t talk about this project and her in it.” Raven sighed. “I… I’m happy that I can at least help.”

“Raven, I’ve got something for you.” they heard a voice and they turned around to see who’s talking to them. It was Lexa, but her voice was a little bit lower than twenty minutes ago or so.

“What are you doing here?” Raven was surprised. “Shouldn’t you be meditating?”

“I was.” She smiled mysteriously. “But not the way you think I would.”

“What?”

“I think I have to go for now. You know, final preparations for competition.” She stated, handed Raven a piece of paper and she ran towards her dojo to just get prepared.  
Raven looked at Clarke with surprise.

“What the fuck was that?” she asked, but Clarke shrugged and pointed at the piece of paper that Raven was holding in her hand. Raven unfolded it and read it. “WHAT THE FUCK…”

“What’s wrong?” Clarke glanced at her friend with concern.

“Nothing. I… dean approved me to be a fully-engaged part of the engineering project.”

“That’s great, Rae, congratulations!” Clarke hugged her friend with joy.

“But how…?”

“Have you been complaining about his decision out loud?” Clarke asked and Raven was wondering for a while.

“Yeah, once or twice?” she thought for some time. “I don’t really know, but I didn’t do it, like, every day or so. Why?”

“I was just wondering.” Clarke shrugged. “Come on, we have to go and take best places to watch the show.”

“Anya will be there in ten minutes.” Raven nodded and she added: “Lincoln and Octavia are coming too.”

“The best cheering up team ever.” Clarke smiled and they walked towards the gym.

 

*

 

“Where the fuck is Anya?” Raven asked when they’d finally found quite good place to sit and watch the competition.

“I don’t know.” Clarke stated, trying to find Lexa’s sister in the crowd that was coming, but she couldn’t. “Maybe she will be late?”

“I don’t think so.” Raven shook her head.  
“Hey, Rav!” they heard. “Clarke!”

“You heard that?” blonde asked and Raven nodded, looking around and trying to find the direction where the voice came from.

“RAV!” they heard again and Clarke turned left and she finally saw Anya waving her hands in the most visible way it was possible that time. Blonde smiled and she poked Raven, pointing at Anya.

“There she is.” She waved back. “Here!”

“No, here!” Anya shouted and Raven was surprised. “Come on, quickly!” and she started waving hands again, showing them that Raven and Clarke should go to her. Blonde and latina glanced at each other, shrugged simultaneously and they decided to go towards Anya.

“What happened? Why here?” Raven asked, when they had finally met.

“Lexa asked me to come for you two. Lincoln and Octavia already are here and my sister thought that… ugh, maybe, let her say it, because I don’t really know how to do it.” Anya smiled and led the way.

They crossed the path which led to the tatami, walked by some participants who were going to their rest rooms and they finally met Lexa. This time she had blue kimono, and hair tied in high, messy bun with some wisps that slipped out of it. Next to her stood Lincoln with Octavia, both smiling, both waving their hands to greet the people who were coming. Clarke smiled, so did Raven. They were a little bit more absorbing than Lexa who was tying her belt.

“Long time no see.” Octavia hugged her friends and they all agreed.

“I’m sorry for that.” Clarke stated, but O. smiled and she glanced at Lincoln who was hugging Raven.

“Don’t be, Clarke.” Tanned girl said. “We’re all guilty. You know, sport classes are not so charming as some people think they are. We all are permanent preparations for matches, competitions, tests, whatever you want. To be honest, you–“ she pointed at blonde “–have the emptiest schedule, because of that you have lectures, only lectures to be honest. But no offence, people like you are also needed.”

“O., please, stop before I will have to shut you up in the most criminal way I know.” Clarke snorted with laughter and she hugged Lincoln. “How are you two? All’s good?” she asked and Lincoln grinned.

“I think that yes. And I also apologize for that Octavia didn’t have so much time for you, that’s, in some part, my fault. Whenever she’s got time, I try to take her somewhere.” He stated and Clarke and Raven nodded.

“We understand.” Latina smiled, looking at Octavia and winking. “You need time on your own, but please, don’t forget about old friends, speak with us sometimes.”

“Whenever we can.” Both, Lincoln and Octavia, smiled widely and then they kissed each other. Clarke rolled her eyes with smirk on her face when she felt that somebody’s poking her from behind. She turned around and she saw Lexa.

“Hi there, judoka.” Blonde grinned with her eyes shining brightly when they saw brunette. “How you’re going?”

“All good I suppose?” Lexa wasn’t really confident this time. She tried to look at Clarke while they were talking, but she failed and blushed. “And how about you?”

“Pretty excited of the upcoming event.” Clarke smiled encouragingly and pointed at tatami. “You know, I have an opportunity for watching this kind of competition very rarely.” _And it’s always you because of who I’m doing this._ she thought. “May I ask… why are you wearing blue kimono this time?”

 _Because it reminds me of your eyes._ Lexa thought, but she blushed instead saying it out loud. She perfectly knew that if she would have done it, she would regret it. “Because I have to. This time it’s me who’s wearing this colour, but, don’t worry, if you like me better in the white one, it’s quite possible that I’ll be wearing this one too. We just have to be distinct.” Brunette said and Clarke nodded. Lexa looked quite good in blue, but white kimono fitted her better in blonde’s opinion. When Lexa had white sweatshirt, her skin was more tanned than it actually was and Clarke really liked that. She also suspected that Lexa preferred wearing dark clothes just not to be so easily seen.

“Anya didn’t let us sit with the other people. And she said that you will explain us, why.” Raven interfered in conversation. “Can you?”

“Um…” Lexa blushed so badly that Raven took one step back, not knowing what had just happened. Clarke gave her a sign that she should be quiet and latina eagerly took this non-verbal advice. Lexa was wondering for some time and then she decided to say something. “I… I just thought that you will see better all the fights when you will be here, with us. You know… I’m the only apprentice in my dojo, so… I’m always alone here, except, of course, my sensei and…”

“Woods-san?” they heard from behind them and Lexa stood straightly almost immediately. She looked her teacher in the eye and she bowed before him.

“Yes, sensei?” She asked in the most polite way that Clarke had ever heard.

“Who are these people?” he asked, pointing at the little crowd of Lexa’s cheering up team. This man was Asian, no doubt, he has strong asian accent, was tanned, a little shorter than Lexa, but his manner required absolute respect. He was wearing white kimono with black belt.

“These are my friends… and this is my sister.” Lexa stated, pointing at Anya. “They came here…”

“We came here for her.” Clarke smiled, bowing before this man, like Lexa had done. “We wanted to cheer her up during the competition, but if it’s not okay for us to be here, we… we could leave… sir.” She stated, hoping that it wouldn’t be necessary.

“It’s okay for you to be here if Lexa will be still capable of focusing on what she’s doing.” Old man smiled, looking at Lexa’s friends and hanging his gaze on Clarke a little bit longer and more intensively than on the others. “Lexa, prepare, please.”

“Of course, sensei.” Lexa bowed one more time and she watched her sensei going a little bit further just to not disturb her in conversation.

“He’s quite scary.” Clarke stated.

“Not when you know him closer.” Lexa smiled and there was the time when the arbiter had said her name and name of the second participant that Lexa should be fighting with.

Lexa’s facial expression changed immediately. She was deeply focused on what she had to do, but she looked at Clarke with gratitude and fire in her eyes.

“I’m glad you came.” She said, slightly nodding and still looking at blonde who felt the hot, fuzzy feeling warming her whole body, especially her chest. Lexa had such amazing eyes, even when they were in honey colour that Clarke couldn’t resist but stare. In these eyes she could read everything or almost everything that was on Lexa’s mind.

“Me too.” Clarke smiled, nodding and Lexa bowed before tatami and she stepped on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. :) Lexa's competition continuation will be updated Friday. :) i hope you guys liked it. I'm excited as fuck for today's Halloween party I have, because I've got an opportunity to be Lexa! With all her warpaint and shit. I'm burning inside. XD
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you think about this chapter and about the previous one. :) feel free to leave comments, kudos and bookmarks. :)
> 
> Take care and until Friday!
> 
> Happy Halloween! ^^


	32. Job that needs to be done

“Damn, she’s so good at it.” Clarke sighed with melting heart when she was watching Lexa fighting on the mat. Brunette had not got any problems with throwing people who was bigger than her, but blonde noticed that Lexa tried to avoid situations like with that girl in blue kimono some time ago, she tried to avoid situations when she was under somebody who seemed to be a lot heavier than she was. There were weight categories, of course, but people were different. One was thin and high and the other was short but wide. And Lexa was tiny that Clarke had an impression that somebody could easily break her bones. But the truth was that Lexa was so much stronger than she appeared and Clarke still couldn’t believe that.

“Oh, yes, she is.” Anya nodded with her eyes on her sister. “She’s always been. Sometimes I just wanted to say her that she cannot continue training judo, but I realized one day how much it means for her.”

“Why had you wanted to do so?” Raven was surprised. “Yeah, Lex, throw him!” she shouted when she noticed that brunette was about to do it.

“I don’t really know. Maybe I was just jealous, because she has a passion and I don’t. Maybe it was because I was just scared about all the shit with injuries or so. I don’t really know. But finally I decided to let her do what she likes.”

“That must have been really tough decision.” They heard Lexa’s sensei’s voice. He approached unseen and then he spoke. “But you were brave if you let her do it.”

“Yes, sir, it was tough.” Anya nodded with sad smile. “But I thought that would be good for her. And she promised me to be careful.”

“To be honest, my lady, judo is the safest martial art of all that exists. It is because all the moves are collected from other martial arts and fused into safe way of fighting. There’s no punching in the face, no fighting to break something. No punching, just throwing. Sometimes holding. And chokeholds are always watched carefully. And, what is more, I had a lot of students in my dojo, but this one–“ he pointed at Lexa who threw her opponent on the tatami just by catching his wrist and throwing him above her shoulder. He hit the mat with his whole back and arbiter announced winning by ippon. Raven, Clarke, Lincoln and Octavia shouted with joy, throwing their fists into the air, Anya and Lexa’s sensei just smiled with pleasure and pride. “–this one is not like them.”

“She’s special.” Clarke stated unknowingly and Asian nodded.

“Yes, she is. And she always was. Most of people I taught were eager to fight. They wanted sparrings, they wanted to show their power, their abilities, they wanted to show what they are capable of. But none of them wanted to understand judo itself. But this young lady wanted it.” He smiled, when he saw Lexa bowing before the mat. “She’s always respectful towards everybody. She shows her respect to the mat. She wanted judo to be her way of life, not only the way of discharging. I’m proud of having this kind of student.” He stated with reflexive smile and Anya nodded. Lexa approached and she bowed before her sensei.

“Master, could you tell me what I did wrong?” she asked and Clarke was shocked. Brunette had already won a fight and she came there, to her sensei for asking what she’d done wrong?

“You have to remember more about the hip movements. You had a small problem with throwing him just because you had to use all the force you had in your arms.” Asian said and Lexa nodded. “Try to focus on the next fight.”

“Thank you.” Lexa nodded and she sat on the bench, trying to catch Clarke’s sight. Blonde grinned and she raised her thumb just to show her that it was great. Brunette blushed, she crossed her legs, straightened her back and she closed her eyes.

“I’m proud of having her as sister.” Anya smiled and Clarke nodded. She wanted to say that she was proud of having such amazing girlfriend, but the fact that Lexa was not her girlfriend hit her with the force of hammer.

“I suspected that this two could meet in the final fight.” Lexa’s sensei sighed when he saw the moment of victory of the girl in blue kimono. She was the girl who punched brunette in the face.

“We also had predicted that, sir.” Raven nodded while Clarke were looking at Lexa who was changing her kimono to the white one. “But we wanted to think that Lexa would have different opponent. We saw her last time, she was unfair and we were upset that arbiter didn’t notice that.”

“Everybody makes mistakes. Arbiter is only a human.” Sensei stated, looking at the mat. “But this girl is very confident.”

“She will lose the fight today.” Octavia said and Asian shook his head.

“Don’t be so sure, my dear.” He said. “Lexa is very good, but she’s also honest. She will not act unfairly. But her opponent, Ontari, doesn’t have such problems.”

“Ontari?” Clarke was surprised and she watched Lexa’s opponent more carefully that previously. She thought that she knew this girl somehow, but she didn’t know from where and she let this go. But in that moment she was sure. Asian man was right. It was Ontari.

“This bitch.” Clarke snapped and Raven looked at her.

“What?” she asked. “What’s wrong, Clarke?”

“Ontari, remember? I know that you wanted to forget, but…”

“Ontari what?” Raven glanced at Clarke with concern. “Why you’re recalling…”

“That’s her.” Clarke pointed at the girl in blue kimono. “She’s the fucking idiot who punched Lexa in the face last time.”

“For fuck’s sake, you’re right. I didn't recognize her. She had changed her look or something...” Raven looked at Ontari and she assumed that this girl was exactly that one who was fucking with her ex boyfriend. “Lexa have to win this one.”

“I’m glad she couldn’t hear that.” Clarke sighed, when she caught the gaze of Lexa’s sensei. “I don’t want her to be forced to win because this one turned out to be fucking whore.”

Lexa’s couch remained silent, but his facial expression told Clarke that he appreciated what she’d told. Eyes of all members of Lexa’s group were on mat. Brunette bowed before tatami, like always and Ontari didn’t even give a fuck about it.

“She’s always disrespectful about that…” blonde sighed. Lexa bowed before her opponent, but Ontari barely nodded. “I don’t get it. Why she’s judoka when…”

“Because she wanted to.” Lexa’s sensei’s voice was firm, but full of sorrow. “Sometimes it happens that one person wants to be a part of judo world, but the only thing that counts is the amount of victories they gained. It’s like…”

“But the victories are not the measure of good judoka.” Clarke interrupted him gently and Asian man nodded.

“Of course, not, my lady.” He smiled. “I can see that you understand.”

“I’m trying to, sir.” Clarke also smiled and she watched carefully what Lexa was doing on the mat when arbiter announced the start of the battle. Lexa and Ontari approached and the first one tried not to attack first. She waited for good moment, but she also knew that she couldn’t be punished because she wouldn’t attacked at all. But her face told Clarke that she will fight. She hadn’t had her revenge done, so she would take care of it.  
Ontari made the first move. She caught Lexa’s collar of the sweatshirt and tried to throw Lexa to the mat, trying to trip her, but brunette was prepared for that. She made counterbalance and it seemed like she was holding Ontari’s kimono even tighter than Ontari herself. She wasn’t satisfied of the way this fight was going. She started trying to throw Lexa to the mat, but she couldn’t. Lexa tried to attack two or three times, but she didn’t make Ontari hit the mat.

They were fighting for some time and Clarke was nervous. She could see that Lexa was thinking what she should do.

“Is there any way to win this?” Raven asked. “Fuck, Ontari’s just… desperate. She wants to win so bad.”

“And that’s what can ruin her.” Clarke stated and Lexa’s sensei smiled, because he noticed that all the words Clarke was saying were from her heart. He noticed how she was looking at Lexa, how she behaved. He noticed that she was really interested in what Lexa was telling her and he understood that all Clarke’s understanding was from Lexa’s words. He smiled even wider. “Just watch, Rae.”

And that was that. Ontari caught Lexa’s wrist and she caught her collar again, trying to throw her to the ground. Lexa decided to sacrifice for the bigger good and she made the throw not exactly full, she caught her opponent’s collar and she made Ontari fell to the ground. She immediately took advantage of the situation and she caught Ontari’s belt, raising her hips. She slipped her legs under Ontari’s thighs and she knew that she had only a moment. Her opponent started to thrash around and she didn’t have a choice. This time or never.

She yanked Ontari’s legs up with her own legs and when they are down Ontari’s chest was a little bit up, exposing her neck. Lexa slipped her forearm under it and she closed the chokehold with catching her own wrist and blocking Ontari’s throat in her elbow’s bend. She pulled a little and Ontari tapped mat immediately several times. Arbiter raised his arm and he announced winning because of Ontari's giving up.

“FUCK YEA!” Raven threw her fists into the air. Octavia and Lincoln did the same and Clarke, Anya and Lexa’s sensei were grinning. Lexa won.

“Even with unfair people fair winning is a gift.” Asian man said and Clarke nodded. She couldn’t take her eyes off Lexa’s smiling face. She was so joyful, so satisfied, so happy that moment. She was victorious and her eyes were shining when arbiter pointed her as a winner of the whole competition. She glanced at her sensei, nodding her head with respect and then her sight moved on Clarke. Blonde was so happy that she had tears in her eyes and she was almost jumping with huge grin on her face. “She really appreciates that you’re near her.”

“Excuse me?” Clarke glanced at Lexa’s sensei who was smiling, looking at her for a while before he moved his gaze to Lexa again. He was proud of her student.

“Even the most inaccessible mountain can offer a safe passage and a place to stay. It’s up to us if we want to find it.”

It had not taken long for Lexa to be with her friends who were congratulating her. She thanked and also she gave respect to her sensei. She was grateful for all the time he gave her and she decided to give him her prize; a medal. He nodded with smile and he thanked. Then he stated that he has to prepare for his meditation time and he excused everyone, then he was gone.

“You were amazing!” Raven stated.

“Great fight!” Lincoln nodded.

Clarke was just standing near and she was staring. Lexa looked great in her kimono with her forehead shining from sweat, with her eyes full of happiness. Clarke assumed her beautiful the way she was, she wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find right words.

“Lexa… do you mind if I…” she interrupted and didn’t know what to say. Lexa smiled and she waited for Clarke to finish the phrase. “If we will go somewhere to celebrate this victory?”

“How about you all in our house? It will be great time!” Anya smiled and Lexa nodded.

“That’s great idea.” Brunette stated and Anya took her on her back to make everyone see who won this day. Lexa smiled.

They all went at Anya’s and Clarke was drown in her thoughts all the way to their house.

 _You’re the mountain, Lexa_ , she assumed eventually. _But is there any safe passage for me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally, Lexa had won a competition and even Ontari's attemption to, cheat couldn't stop her. I liked it.
> 
> I'm so glad that I can share this story with you, guys, it makes me feel better. Anyway, feel free to say what you think about it, leave comments, kudos and thank you for the ones that you've already left!
> 
> Now I'm waiting for money, because I can't buy a ticket for train home and my bank account refuses to cooperate. XD I hope I won't have to stay here all day and half of night.
> 
> Fuck, did I have my keys...?
> 
> Take care, until Tuesday! ^^


	33. Canoeing

Clarke had been awaken for several hours and her mind was wandering. She wanted to text Lexa and ask her out, but she couldn’t force herself to reach her phone and just call to the brunette, just because she was afraid of rejecting. After two hours of thinking, she finally took her phone and called Raven.

“What’s the matter?” Latina asked immediately. It was still an early hour, so Raven didn’t want to waste her time on greetings. The quicker she would deal with Clarke’s problem, the quicker she would be back to sleep.

“I don’t know, Rae.” Clarke responded and then she heard loud groan out of latina’s throat.

“But like… you don’t know what? What’s the matter?” she asked, hoping that was not the truth. “Look, sweetie, I want to go to sleep again, ‘cause it’s goddamn eight o’clock. And if you won’t tell me what happened, I wouldn’t. And if I wouldn’t go back to sleep…”

“Then you will come at my place and kill me right away, am I right?”

“Exactly.” Blonde heard joyful yet sleepy voice of her friend. She sighed, but she thought how to tell Raven what was bothering her. “So, what’s wrong?”

“Actually nothing is wrong.” Clarke tried to be honest, but she heard a sound that was comparable to snarling and she exhaled heavily, because she knew what that meant. Raven was pissed off.

“You woke me up like it was urgent case and now you’re telling me that NOTHING IS WRONG?” she growled and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Look, Rae, it’s not really the point. This is not »I accidentally amputated my leg, because it was stuck under the tree and I mixed up legs so I’m still stuck but I don’t have a leg« case. It’s more like »my life is meaningless and I don’t really know what to do« case."

“Yeah, okay. So, why do you think that your life is meaningless? Something wrong with Lexa? You two seemed quite amused yesterday, something happened?” Raven tried to understand, even though it was so fucking early.

“No, I think everything’s fine, we were having great time yesterday with you all, but… you know… I… I think I would… Rae, help me.” Clarke groaned, rolling up in her cover. She heard Raven sighing.

“Okay, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Yesterday, after her victory, you proposed celebrating her success, right?”

“Uh-uh.” Clarke didn’t know where this was going.

“I noticed that you were about to ask her a little bit differently than you just did. Have you wanted celebrating her victory alone? I mean… just you two?” Raven asked and Clarke froze. Latina was right, but blonde wondered if she wanted to tell her friend that. “Don’t even try to lie.” She added quickly, when she heard nothing but silence in the phone. Clarke sighed.

“Yeah, I suppose that I wanted this. Just… I just couldn’t ask her.”

“You have to ask her out. Go on a date. Try.” Raven stated.

“But I can’t…” Clarke started, but Raven interrupted her.

“NO. It’s not that you can’t. you just don’t want to.” She stated. “And now, Clarke, be the adult you are supposed to be, call Lexa and ask her out. There’s nothing for me to do here.”

“But I haven’t got her number!” blonde groaned, but Raven ignored that.

“It’s not a problem, sweetie.” She stated and Clarke assumed Rae as rude. “Now, good morning and, for me, good night.”

And she hung up. Clarke was staring at her phone for a while and she didn’t believe that Raven did this to her. She was torn apart, she didn’t know what to do and Raven didn’t help.

When she was about to call latina once again, Raven sent her message. Clarke unlocked her screen and she read what her friend wrote, but there were nothing but numbers.

 _What the fuck?_ Clarke thought, but she understood immediately. Raven gave her Lexa’s number. She rolled her eyes and copied the number, pasted it on the calling box and she stared at it for a while. She wasn’t sure if she should do it, if she really wanted it.

“What if she won’t be eager to go somewhere?” Clarke asked herself, staring mindlessly on her screen. “Or just she won’t want to meet? She will say it out loud or she would try to be kind? What if…” she interrupted and she squeezed her nose base. “For fuck’s sake, Griffin, get your shit together! You’re not a teenager, you’re an adult. You have to go for it and deal with consequences!” she told herself and she was about to call when she received another message.

**Raven: CALL HER NOW. I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT YET, YOU BASTARD. NOW.**

Clarke smiled and shook her head. She had never predicted that Raven would know her so well. She inhaled deeply and exhaled heavily. She wasn’t really convinced if it’s good action of her, but she knew that if she would be considering pros and cons she would never call Lexa. She swallowed hard and she hit the green handset and her phone signaled that she is sending a call.

You’re such an idiot, Clarke. She thought, but she put the phone near her ear and she tried to focus on what she should say when Lexa will abate. If she abate.

“Deep in the Woods crematorium, you kill’em, we grill’em, how can I direct your call?” she heard the most sexy voice on the phone that she’d ever heard. It was hoarse, deep, low and just so fucking hot that Clarke shivered. This voice shouldn’t have been receiving calls with the information it did. But because of that information Clarke froze. She mixed up the numbers. But… How was that even possible? She started sweating.

“I’m so sorry… it must have been mistake… I… I had wrong number…” she stuttered, but person on the other side inhaled loudly.

“Clarke?” She, because it was certainly woman, asked and Clarke was confused. “Clarke, is that you…?” she asked again when blonde didn’t answered.

“What… Lexa?” Clarke got her shit together and finally spoke. Her interlocutor laughed and blonde relaxed herself a bit. She recognized this laughter and she felt comfortable at a moment.

“Yeah, that’s me, I’m sorry.” She was certainly smiling, because Clarke heard that smile in her voice. Now it wasn’t so official like secretary’s voice, it was more friendly, but still hot.

Blonde’s heart skipped a beat and then it started beating loudly and so fast that she couldn’t believe it could. Her breathe became shorter and discontinuous. She could feel shiver going through her body, embracing her spine and going lower and lower…

“Clarke…? Clarke, are you there?” Lexa asked and blonde had to say something.

“Uh… yeah, yeah, I’m here.” She said, trying to relax, but she couldn’t, just because of Lexa’s voice. She couldn’t think straight. “I’m sorry, I… I’m sorry.”

“Something happened?” Lexa’s voice was a little bit worried. “I’m not used to people calling me when everything’s all right.” She said and Clarke snorted with laughter. She cleared her mind a little, so she could see through the fucking fog she had in her head and she told herself that she have to focus, because she couldn’t just drown in the sound of sexiest of voices in the world.

“Nothing really happened, Lexa, everything’s fine.” She smiled to her phone. “I’m… I’m just calling, because I wanted to ask you… I wanted…” she stopped and she hesitated. How she should ask?

“Clarke…?” Lexa was concerned and she didn’t really know what to do and what was happening with her interlocutor. She couldn’t see Clarke, so she couldn’t see that blonde at that moment was all blushed with bad deep red blush on her face and cleavage, that her hands were shaking because she was so nervous and that she was breathing in staccato, because of what she wanted to do.

Lexa was worried, but she waited patiently, trying to hear something from Clarke’s side. When she started hearing blonde’s breath, Clarke decided to finally ask.

“Doyouwantmaybewithmetogooutsomewherewithmemaybe?” she said in one line, without taking a single breath and Lexa was surprised.

“Euh… pardon?” she asked shyly. Clarke shook her head and assumed that the shyness in Lexa’s voice didn’t matched up with its sound. Her voice should be confident as it was before. “I’m sorry, Clarke, but I didn’t…”

“No, I’m sorry.” Clarke interrupted her, trying not to think about the way that Lexa’s voice was speaking her name. She tried not to imagine her with Lexa, alone, somewhere, in very intimate situation, with brunette very, very close to her, almost whispering Clarke’s name to blonde’s ear with her hoarse, low voice, with this characteristic click on the last letter of her name. Clarke shivered once again during this conversation and she felt a little guilty because of that, but she comforted herself that Lexa didn’t know and, probably, would never know. “I’m a little bit nervous. Let me try again… Do you want to… I don’t know, go somewhere with me? Spend some time together?”

“Oh, you mean… me and you? Alone?” Lexa asked and Clarke could hear that her voice became a little aloof, but Lexa tried to hide it. She had almost done it. Blonde turned upset, because she was sure that she failed.

“If you don’t want to, I will understand.” She stated, but Lexa laughed.

“No, it’s… actually I’m just surprised with your offer, and yeah, I'd love to, but I’m on the lake now and I’m canoeing… so if you want to join me I… I will be pleased. But if you don’t want to meet here and just canoeing… we can go somewhere else, but I will have to get my shit together.” Lexa said, trying to comfort Clarke, what she actually did.

“Canoeing? Great!” she smiled widely, almost jumping out of her bed. “I have never had any opportunity to try it, so…”

“I can show you how to do it.” Blonde heard the sunshine in Lexa’s voice, she knew that brunette was grinning. “Of course if… if you want to.”

“I do!” Clarke shouted happily. “Give me half an hour and I will be there!” She said and she hung up. She stood steadily for some time, trying to calm her shaking hands. She’d never thought that she would be like this, shaking with nerves, she’d always been thinking that asking out is men’s thing, but she had never predicted that she will be crazy in love with a girl like Lexa.

I’m so fucking lucky. She smiled to the mirror and started to prepare and she didn’t even think about that it was about nine AM.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

When she was out of her house it was about seven AM, Anya was still asleep and Lexa didn’t want to wake her sister up. She smiled when she took her military backpack full of canoeing stuff and got out of the house, taking some food and drinks with her, because she knew that she will spend a lot of time on the water.

Sun was shining, but it was chilly. Leaves started falling from trees, wind was slightly blowing and it was perfect for Lexa to go doing something on the water at her favourite place. She pushed her kayak on the water, threw her backpack on the jetty and started paddling. Her pace was steady, yet fast. Her strong hands held the paddle still and she was setting the gates on her way so she would be able to go some sort of slalom, just as she liked to.

And when she was in the middle of setting gates, unknown number called. She was used to people who wanted to sell her something so she received this call with one of hers favourites lines, but it turned out that it was Clarke who actually wanted to ask her out. Lexa was really surprised, but after all Clarke agreed to meet her at the jetty, just for canoeing together. Brunette assumed that she will be able to set the rest of the gates until Clarke could make her way to that place. And she was right.

“LEXA!” she heard from behind and she immediately turned her kayak to Clarke.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

She was running through bulrush, wanting to meet Lexa as fast as she could. She made her way through the green shit and, finally, she reached the grassland, shore, and, of course, the jetty. She noticed Lexa’s black military backpack thrown on the wood and she noticed that no one was around, so she assumed that brunette wasn’t at the shore, she must have been on the water.

Blonde looked for her for some time and she finally found her in the middle of the lake. Lexa and her kayak was turned with their backs to her and brunette couldn’t see Clarke, so blonde decided to shout.

“LEXA!” she smiled, when she noticed that brunette heard her immediately. She could see her hands carrying the paddle when she put the item into the water in one side and started paddling towards her. She could see Lexa’s muscles working underneath her tight sweatshirt. Her pace of paddling was steady and Clarke was amazed of how quickly brunette reached her on the shore. She turned her direction and stopped her kayak parallel to the shoreline.

“Anybody eager to try canoeing?” she smiled and got out of her »vehicle«. Clarke smiled widely and she blushed a little when Lexa approached and gave her a hug. Blonde hugged brunette back and she glanced at the water.

“I’m not sure if canoeing with you in one kayak will teach me anything…” Clarke stated and Lexa grinned, shaking her head.

“Oh, no, Clarke, I didn’t say that you will be canoeing with me.” She stated, pointing at something behind her interlocutor. Blonde turned for seeing it and she saw what Lexa was showing her. Next to the jetty there was another one kayak and Clarke was sure that in the shed on the line of forest there were a couple more of them. “I’ll teach you how to cope with it on your own.” She smirked and her smirk made Clarke melt and scared at the same time. She wasn’t sure if that was what she really wanted, but she decided to, at least, try to deal with it.

Well, Griffin, you have to bear the fucking consequences of asking her out. She thought and she sighed when she saw Lexa handing her orange life vest.

 

*

 

“I don’t really get it.” Clarke stated after two hours of explaining the main thing about canoeing. However, Lexa was really patient towards her and blonde was surprised because of that. If she was brunette, she would made herself sink. Without hesitation.

“Try again. One tug, a little break, second tug with another one paddle wing.” Lexa explained once again.

“But you are paddling one tug after one and you can keep straight direction!” blonde groaned and brunette chuckled.

“Yeah, but I practiced a lot, you know?” she smiled widely, looking at her student and thinking about how to teach her. “You need just some time of exercising.”

“I want to make through this track you’ve set here.” Clarke stated and Lexa opened her eyes with surprise.

“You do?” she asked and Clarke nodded with determination on her face. Lexa laughed and she ducked her paddle and she dabbled her companion. “First of all you need to catch me.” She giggled and she started escaping, when the idea of this kind of exercise came to her mind. Blonde didn’t hesitate, she ducked her paddle and started chasing Lexa through the lake.

“I will catch you!” she shouted through the reed mace, when Lexa disappeared of her sight. Clarke had gotten out of the bulrush and she was looking for her companion.

Paddling was a little bit hard for her, but after two or three minutes being left alone with this, she had been used to do it in proper way so she could maintain straight track. “Lexa?” she asked into the cool air, trying to detect some movement that could tell her where brunette was, but she couldn’t. She was floating and she was wondering where Lexa was.

“Here you are!” brunette burst out from bulrush and her kayak hit Clarke’s kayak. Blonde jumped with small amount of fear on her face and Lexa laughed because she had succeeded. “And you can do it properly now.” She grinned, looking at Clarke and shortening the distance between her and blonde. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Clarke sighed, trying to calm her breath. “For fuck’s sake, why did you do that.” She asked, but Lexa only grinned wider.

“Because I wanted to check out if my new idea will work. And, there’s a proof that it actually worked.” She smiled. Clarke leaned carefully, resting her elbow on her kayak’s side and she made her way towards Lexa. Brunette did the same with smile on her face.

“Congratulations then.” Blonde smiled widely, approaching a little more to brunette. Lexa’s lips were so close to hers and she thought that their lips would finally meet. Lexa leaned towards Clarke, switching her gaze between Clarke’s eyes and lips.

“FUCK!” brunette shouted when both kayaks doddered and there was huge splash of water when Clarke and her dropped in water while losing their balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is, please don't kill me. And I'm also sorry that I'm updating this so late, but I'm in the middle of my moving out and I have huge breakdown, because my bae didn't want to hear about this story and I cannot ask her about anything.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for everything! Kudos, comments, bookmarks! Feel free to tell me what you think about this one!
> 
> Until Friday!


	34. Mayday

**LEXA**

“YOU.” She heard and she woke up immediately. Voice was harsh and intonation didn’t seem that owner of that voice was friendly towards her. Lexa intuitively moved against the wall and she felt trapped a little when her back hit the cold surface of the wood. She tried to cover herself with her blanket, but she failed. Instead of that she sought an opportunity or a skill in her to became smaller, so she curled herself up for occupying less place. She cringred and she waited for the worst to come, but it didn’t came. “God, Lex, I’m sorry.”

Lexa glanced at the person that was speaking to her. She noticed Anya in her room, near the place that her head had been resting for the last several hours. She tried to relax a little, but she couldn’t do it so easily. She was looking at her sister and Anya was looking at her with worry and guilt in her eyes. Lexa knew that if this was Anya, she didn’t mean any harm to her, but she still had some problems with convincing herself that she was safe. Her muscles tensed and she was feeling uncomfortable, but she tried to fight this unwelcome thing that was directing control over her body and mind.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause panic attack…” Anya whispered and Lexa shook her head, trying not to hyperventilate. She inhaled, counted to five and exhaled. She knew that repeating that several times should help, it always did, but she was still waiting for that moment when it wouldn’t. Fortunately, this time it worked. Lexa’s body loosened and she glanced at Anya with less fear than couple minutes ago, but it still wasn’t the best condition she should be in.

“Nothing happened.” Lexa tried to assure her sister, but Anya didn’t seem to be really convinced. However, she nodded and sat on the edge of Lexa’s mattress and she reached out arm toward Lexa showing her that if she want to hug, Anya is ready to greet her in her arms. Lexa, instead of joining her sister, shook her head, embracing herself tightly with her arms causing elder one to nod once again and she put down her arm. She was used to Lexa’s ways of reactions and she knew that her sister wasn’t eager to hug or just touch, sometimes more than other times, so she didn’t feel offended with anything from Lexa’s side. “It’s okay, An. Seriously. What happened?”

“I just wanted to ask where have you been yesterday and, if I am right in my assumptions, had meeting with Clarke been fine but… instead of it I would rather ask if you’re okay.”

“Yes, I am, sis.” Lexa shrugged and she released her knees that were held with her arms. Her long, osseous fingers reached her glasses and she put them on for her emerald eyes to look at her sister. Anya could see strange thing in her eyes, but she didn’t know what was that, and she didn’t want to interrupt her sister only to ask about it, so she just waited for the next part of Lexa’s speech. “And yesterday we were with Clarke by the lake, we were canoeing… well, I was teaching Clarke how to do it.” She stated with small smile roving on her face when she recalled that moment. “It was pretty good time that we’ve spent together.”

“I’m glad hearing this. But… how did she know that you’re by the lake?” Anya asked and Lexa shrugged one more time, trying to force her mind to just let go and let her release her muscles from tense she was in, but she failed, so she stayed curled up.

“She called me.” Brunette stated, looking at her sister with angst in her eyes. Elder one couldn’t tell what was the source of that feeling of Lexa, but she prayed for her sister to calm down. “Well, I didn’t know whose that number was, so I picked it up like I always do with » _Deep in the Woods_ crematorium, you kill’em, we grill’em, how can I direct your call?« and Clarke was frightened when she tried to stutter that she had wrong number.” Lexa chuckled. “You know, old joke for pushy canvassers.”

Anya nodded her head with wide smile. “Yeah, I know, but… that’s new text, isn’t it? That’s not the one you’ve been using for last few months.”

“No, it’s not.” Lexa confirmed. “That was »Henderson’s Morgue in the Woods, you stab’em, we slab’em, this is Eight Ball speaking.« but it became to fail when every canvasser was ensured that it’s fail.” Lexa stated and Anya laughed.

“I don’t really get why can’t you pick up call like a normal person.” She smiled.

“Because I’m not normal AND I usually didn’t pick up calls when I don’t have to, you should have known that.” Lexa stated, looking at her sister. “You know that I hate talking on the phone, even mom or dad had to text me, because I just ignored my phone ringing.” She smiled. “Like, you know, before calling me consider if the thing you want to say to me is textable.”

“What made you start picking them up then?” Anya looked at her sister curiously.

“First of all, I had to be in contact with dean’s office when I applied for studies here. And after that I waited for another important phone, so I decided to pick them all up. That was horrible.”

“And why you picked up this one?” Anya raised her eyebrow and glanced at her sister who was badly blushing.

“Because I waited for Clarke to call?” she asked so quietly that Anya could barely hear that. She snorted with laughter what made Lexa blush even more. “I don’t really know, I just… I just started picking them up and when I gained her number then I stopped doing this again. At least, for now.”

“I still don’t get WHY you’re picking it up with such a stupid line.” Anya smiled and Lexa shrugged.

“Jesus, calm down, An.” She smiled. “It’s not as bad as you think it is. It could be worse.” She stated.

“Oh, seriously?” Anya raised her second eyebrow. “I cannot believe.”

“Oh, it could. I could pick up the phone with line like »Woods sperm bank. You squeeze it, we freeze it, how may I help you?” she assumed and Anya choked with her own saliva. She started coughing and Lexa approached suspiciously and hit her sister several times in the back.

“Okay…” elder one finally expectorated. “Thank god that you didn’t do it.”

“I’m glad too.” Lexa smirked.

“Okay, apart from your bizarre way of starting your phone calls, what had you two been doing yesterday? Like… only canoeing or…”

“Yeah, actually most of the time we were trying to canoeing.” Lexa smiled not even trying to think how she should tell Anya that she and Clarke almost kissed. She assumed that her sister didn’t have to know this, just because after all nothing had really happened. “You know, she wanted to learn something and I tried to show her how to deal with paddles and how to keep balance in the kayak. And when she finally took it, and I knew that she knows exactly how to do things, I let her try my way of canoeing.”

“You forced her to do your track?” Anya’s eyes widened. “Are you mad? This is like… for fuck’s sake, you can’t force somebody who is totally new in this to do your odd track of kayak slalom in your time!” she groaned, but Lexa only smiled and shook her head.

“It’s not like you’re saying, An.” She stated. “First of all, she asked me about the gates I’d set before I even knew that she would meet me there. I explained her that I try to made this track in certain time and she asked me if she could try. Then I told her that this track is rather long and that it’s impossible for her to do it as I did it every time I train, but she wanted to try anyway, so I let her.”

“And, after that, you beat her time twice or three times, right?” elder one asked with smirk and Lexa blushed.

“Four and a half.” Brunette stated and Anya laughed out loud.

“I knew it.” She smiled. “Okay, let’s go for breakfast. I know you have to eat it, because you will be probably working out today.”

“You know me way too well.” She smiled widely and she stood up.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

“WHY COULDN’T I REACH YOU YESTERDAY.” Raven was nearly on the edge when she finally encountered Clarke at her own dorm. She almost kicked out her door and stormed in with fury on her face. “YOU DISAPPEARED AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN INFORMED ME IF YOU CALLED HER OR NOT.”

“Rae, calm down and I will tell you everything. Well, almost everything.” Clarke stated, totally calm and relaxed, because she was used to Raven’s strange behaviors.

“Almost everything? Did you two finally had sex?” latina asked and Clarke rolled her eyes with disbelief.

“No, we didn’t–“ she stated. “–but I said »almost«, because the first part you know just because I called you to obtain advice.

“Yeah, sure.” Raven was upset and, let’s be honest, disappointed. She counted on some spicy details of her favourite pairing (which wasn’t even together officially) and Clarke gave her nothing. “You’re horrible at this, you know? You should listen to me and you will be long after your first time.”

“Maybe, but, let me remind you, that we’re not a couple and nothing seems like we will be, so…”

“Oh, god, don’t, please…” Raven groaned, not even trying to understand that Clarke didn't want only sex with Lexa. She wanted all of her. “I can’t listen to that bullshit you’re trying to sell me. Jesus, Clarke, ARE YOU SERIOUS?! You two… for fuck’s sake! You have feelings for her, she has feelings for you… I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME THAT YOU TWO ARE JUST FUCKING GODDAMN FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE!”

“Reyes, shut the fuck up and calm your tits!” Clarke snapped and she looked at her friend. “You’re behaving like fucking wild animal, what’s wrong with you? Lexa and I… we’re just friends. At least, for now. I’m not telling you that I don’t want anything more, because I do, but… I don’t want to push her, okay? She is shy, she is opted out of everything and I just don’t want to be rude or pushy, okay? I want to let her take her time, as much as she need, and then, maybe, try to talk with her about something more than just friendship.” She explained and Raven thought for a while. In this moment blonde was sure that she wouldn’t say a word about what had almost happened the day before.

“Seems legit, but it sounds… oh, fuck, it sounds like something that will take a lot of time and I want to see you guys together now. Or, okay, I can approve your relationship in the end of the month.”

“Okay, but there counts everything that Lexa and I want or need, not you, DID I SAY IT CLEARLY?” Clarke looked at her friend and Raven rolled her eyes, crossed her arms and, finally, with loud, unpleased sigh, she nodded.

“Okay, I get it.” She snorted. “But it’s rude of you.”

“No, it’s rude of you that you want me to push her because you’re shipping us that hard. As I said, calm your tits, Reyes and fuck with Anya instead of trying to cut in my love life, especially if it’s with Lexa.” She stated. “I don’t want to scare her away. She’s important to me, okay?”

“Of course, I was just teasing. Why so serious.” Raven nodded. “I just… I just wish you all the best and I think that there wouldn’t be worse misunderstanding like that about Costia.”

“I hope so.” Clarke smiled a little, but she remained suspicious.

“But, tell me about yesterday, okay? You were with Lexa, right?”

“Yeah, we were canoeing.” Clarke blushed when Raven laughed. “Hey, it’s not funny!”

“It is.” Raven snorted with laughter and she had to take a break for trying not to suffocate. “Just… lol, you tried to ask her out and it finished on her asking you out, but not officially and you spent your time on CANOEING. You’re just… I can’t find words.”

“And better don’t try.” Clarke smiled. “But it was… I think that was one of the best times I had with her.”

“Start from the very beginning. You called her and what happened?” Raven asked and Clarke blushed. “What’s that?” latina pointed blonde’s colorful face and Clarke blushed more.

“I thought that I mixed up the numbers and…”

“Why is that?” Raven was surprised. “I gave you the number. I had it from her, because she texted me once and…”

“She picked it up with fucking sexy voice…”

“And you thought that you called whore house?” Raven laughed and even Clarke’s ears turned red.

“Not really.” She stated quietly and Raven calmed down just for hearing her friend’s voice and confession which was, undoubtedly, the best of all that Clarke had ever made. “Lexa threw in the aether »Deep in the Woods crematory. You kill’em we grill’em« or something like that and I panicked.”

Raven’s laughter burst out her throat and had not stopped for some time.

“Geeez, she’s good. Holy fuck.” She finally caught her breath trying to look at Clarke. “But you told me that her voice was sexy. Was it different than her usual voice?”

“A little.” Clarke blushed and slightly shivered when she recalled it. She didn’t want to tell Raven about what she had been thinking when she heard it. “It was… so deep, that I felt like it was…”

“WHOAH, don’t use the word penetrate, ‘cause…”

“DAMN YOU, REYES.” Clarke groaned and she curled up under her cover. “Go fuck yourself.”

“I have to congratulate her, no one had ever made Clarke Griffin start panicking because of simple phrase while picking up the phone. And no one had ever made you wet with a phrase about crematory said with hot voice.” She stated. “Do you think that she would agree on being my friend?”

“I hope not.” Clarke smirked. “But if you don’t want to hear the rest, you can text her and try your luck.”

“Clarke Griffin–“ Raven sighed. “–the most »party« person on the world. Always knowing when people are joking…”

“Shut up, Reyes.”

“Go on then.” Latina rested her chin on her hand and stared at Clarke.

“She told me that she’s by the lake and she is canoeing and asked if I want to learn how to do it and I was actually quite happy because of that. You know, I’ve always wanted to try it, but I had never had an opportunity. And then I had it, so I decided to take benefits from that.”

“Understandable.” Raven smiled and nodded. “What was next?”

“I found her on the lake. She was… damn, she was wearing tight sports sweatshirt and I could see all her muscles underneath it. She was setting gates on the lake for slalom and I shouted to her, she turned around and it wasn’t even five minutes when she was on the shoreline, going out from her kayak and hugging me.”

“She’s actually hugging you.” Raven’s eyes widened. “Every single time? She allows you to do it?”

“Yeah… is there something I don’t know about her, but you do?” Clarke glanced at her friend with suspicion. “Because I…”

“No, not really, I just… it was just a thought based on my observations. You know, she isn’t so eager to be touched and something like that so… BUT you’re Clarke fucking Griffin, she’s in love with you.”

“I doubt that. We’re quite good friends.” Clarke still couldn’t stop denying that Lexa, at least, might be in love with her. She had all the proves that brunette had given her; her gaze when she was dancing, small things like smiles or just conversations, these moments when Lexa just felt good around her and decided to tell Clarke her story… blonde had all the signs that this adorable, brave brunette was trusting her and that she, maybe, only maybe, wanted something more than friendship, yet Clarke was still denying that could happen. She didn’t know why was that, she thought that she was feeling much safer when she was telling herself that Lexa didn’t love her, just because she was in the good way to avoid disappointment, in case if brunette would have rejected her, then.

“Here we go again…” Raven sighed and waved her hand. “Nevermind. She put you into her kayak…”

“Not exactly.” Blonde interrupted her friend, smiling just a little, because she couldn’t get rid of the thoughts that were banging in her head. That maybe she was scared of love so she was still denying it could exist. That maybe she didn’t want to be loved back by brunette just because Clarke herself wasn’t sure if she would be able to bear the weight of relationship with somebody who had to bear such tough past as Lexa did. “She put me in second kayak that was by the jetty and then she handed me the paddle. And… she taught me how to canoeing.”

“She just did it? Like that?” Raven snapped her fingers and Clarke confirmed by nodding.

“And she succeeded.” Blonde smiled, recalling the picture when Lexa disappeared and forced her to chase brunette. “I think that I should go to Lexa and just thank her for yesterday.”

“There we go, _l’amour_.” Raven snorted, but Clarke rolled her eyes and she got out of her bed.

“You can go with me, Rae.” Blonde stated before she reached the bathroom’s door. “And you know what? Your French accent is horrible, don’t do that again to my ears.”

 

*

 

“Hi there, we just thought that we can visit you today.” Raven smiled when Anya opened the door with surprise on her face. She was wearing sweatpants and baggy T-shirt and that was obvious that she wasn’t prepared for visitors.

“Hey, Rae, hi, Clarke, yeah, sure, come in.” Anya tried to be a good host, so she invited them in her house, trying to figure out what happened and if she looked at least torelable.

“Lexa’s home?” Clarke asked when Raven’s girlfriend shut the door behind them.

“Yes, she is.” Anya smiled. “She’s…” She rolled her eyes when they heard loud music from above. “She’s working out, as you can hear. If you two want to go to her, feel free to do it.”

“I’ll pass.” Raven smiled, looking at Anya. “Here is much better than upstairs.”

“Watch your language, Reyes.” Clarke teased her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, but there’s some problem with faucet and it requires the presence of experienced young and hot engineer, so I have to stay here and take care of this immediately. I can’t go with you upstairs, what a pity.” Raven grinned and blonde rolled her eyes when Anya was chuckling. Clarke thanked and she wanted to go upstairs, when Anya put her hand onto blonde’s shoulder.

“I have to warn you.” She whispered. Clarke nodded to confirm that she was listening. “Lexa has not so great mood today, so she’s working out pretty hard. If she won’t respond on your knocking, and I know you always knock, just go in. You can watch, but if she didn’t see you, don’t tempt her attention. She will see. And there is something you can look at, especially when I know what you are thinking of her.” Clarke blushed a little, but she nodded once again while Anya was grinning. “Oh, and… don’t be surprised if she won’t be surprised. She knows how to make predictions and she’s using that ability quite often, so… it’s quite possible that she will know that you’re in and you won’t know that she knows.”

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled when Anya went back to Raven and their “bad faucet issue” and blonde went upstairs.

She stopped in front of Lexa’s door and she hesitated. Did she really want to go there? To interrupt Lexa in what she was doing? But she really liked brunette and there was no way out, because she was sure that Raven and Anya started doing something else than repairing faucet. Clarke had two options: either knock and go in or just sit next to the door and wait for unknown salvation. She chose first one, so she raised her fist and gently knocked. When nothing came out, she knocked a little louder, but it also failed, so she followed Anya’s advice and she opened the door, sneaked in and then she closed the door behind her. She stood, leaned on the wall, looking at Lexa whose legs were wrapped on the sandbag and she was doing sit-ups while hanging on the item. She had only sports bra and shorts on her, she was sweating and she looked awesome. Clarke sighed when she saw her muscles tightening and loosening in steady pace of her moves. She noticed her strong arms, her hands wrapped with special boxing tapes and her osseous line of spine.

“Oh, hi, Clarke.” Lexa said, doing one more sit-up and reaching for remote control of her sound system. She made it a little quieter and Clarke realized that they were together, alone in the room, just after what they almost experienced on the lake. She shivered and thought that maybe this time... “Everything’s okay?” brunette asked and Clarke tried to focus on something else than Lexa’s body, but it was quite hard, because her voice was mesmerizing.

“Yeah, hi, I… I don’t want to interrupt…”

“You’re not.” Lexa smiled and she did sit-up, she caught the chain of sandbag and released her legs. Clarke noticed that she was holding still on the chain, her body didn’t move, her biceps were tightened so were her back muscles. Clarke couldn’t say a word. She saw Lexa sliding down the sandbag and landing softly on the floor. Brunette grabbed the towel and wore away sweat from her forehead and she approached to her unexpected guest. “I can take a break. What made you come here?”

“I… I wanted to thank you for yesterday it… I… I spend a really… good…” She couldn’t focus on anything, because she was deeply amazed with Lexa’s abs and generally with Lexa herself. She couldn’t say a word, but her interlocutor was patiently waiting for her to get her shit together. “For fuck’s sake, Lexa, how did you gained that?” she couldn’t resist but ask, pointing at Lexa’s abdomen.

Brunette was a little bit surprised when her eyes followed blonde’s finger, but then she smiled.

“Years of training. Judo, canoeing, sports generally. It all costs time and effort, but it’s not pointless.” She stated. “But I think that’s not the point of your speech.”

Clarke shook her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t focus, they are just so perfect…” she mumbled and she interrupted when she realized what she just did. “Did I say it out loud?”

“Yes, you did.” Lexa took one step forward and she was very close to Clarke. She reached out one finger and she made Clarke raise her head, gently pulling her chin. “But calm down, what’s the matter?”

Clarke almost hyperventilated when she felt cold sweat all her spine long. She was looking in the most emerald eyes on the world, eyes full of concern and worry about that situation and that had told Clarke that it wasn’t the best time to try to fix the situation from the day before. Clarke blinked several times and tried to calm her breath but her heart was beating so heavily like if she had just finished double marathon in less than an hour.

“I wanted to thank you for yesterday.” She repeated and Lexa nodded. “I spent a really good time then.”

“It’s nothing to thank me for.” Lexa smiled and Clarke’s heart melted and her legs become weaker on this view. “I spent great time with you too.”

“I wonder if…” Clarke stopped, trying to avoid the view of Lexa’s collarbones and shining tanned skin. There were just too distracting that she couldn’t fully focus. To be honest, she couldn’t focus at all.

“If…?” Lexa’s voice grounded her a little, reminding that she was not supposed to dream at this moment.

“We had homework to do for our photography classes.” Clarke stated and Lexa glanced at her almost with fear like if she knew what would happen next. “And I wonder… do you mind to be my model for some photos…?” she asked shyly and waited for answer. Instead of that brunette took one step back and she didn’t say a word. Clarke raised her head and glanced at her interlocutor, noticing that now her arms were lowered, she was slouched, her eyes fixed in the floor. Blonde wondered what she did wrong. “Lexa? I… I’m sorry if I…”

“Why are you asking me this?” Lexa whispered. Clarke could see that brunette had some kind of contempt on her face, but blonde noticed that it wasn’t contempt that was according to her proposition. It was contempt that was according to… Lexa herself. “I…”

“Because you have amazing body and amazing eyes. I like looking at you and… I’m sorry for my honesty, but I think that you would be perfect model.”

 _Just because you will be posing for me, if you agree, and I will make sure that I put everything I feel for you in my photos._ She added in her head, waiting for Lexa to say something. She hoped that this unfortunate feeling would fade away from her face and that brunette would be confident again.

“I’m not so sure if I should.” She stated eventually. The contempt was lost for the moment, but it Clarke was sure that it would be back in the most inappropriate time. “You know, I’m… I don’t really like my body.”

“That’s why you’re working out so hard? To make it torelable for you?” Clarke asked and Lexa, after a moment of hesitancy, slowly nodded. She decided to trust blonde and maybe, just maybe, reveal a small piece of her worries and frights.

“That’s also why I got tattoos.” She said quietly and Clarke nodded with understanding. “Because I’m ashamed of what I had. And that I decided to start tribal dancing was because I was told to do so. To do something that will help me accept me the way I am. But… it doesn’t work, Clarke.”

“Listen to me, Lexa.” Blonde tried to draw brunette’s attention and she succeeded eventually. “You’re beautiful the way you are. You have perfect muscles, you have a body that everybody envies you. You are amazing and when you’re dancing everybody wants to look at you because you’re great in what you’re doing and in the way you look, you hear me? Please, don’t hide.”

“Why you’re asking me, Clarke? Just because of my body?” Lexa became a little suspicious, but Clarke was ready for question like that. That was probably the “bad mood” that Anya had mentioned.

“No. I don’t ask you to be my model just for your body, but for everything you had. Your attitude, your mind, your glance. I’m asking you, because we’re friends. I was observing you during exercises. You’re the person I want to have on my photos, because your personality is showing through everything you’re doing, Lexa. You’re brave, you’re fearless, you’re determinated and you have the powerful will. And you’re also…” she hesitated if she should say that, but she decided that she would risk and what should come, would come. “You’re also beautiful.” Clarke stated and made Lexa not only think of her proposition, but also she made her think about what blonde might think about her. She considered if Clarke was… interested in her. “Please. If it will be more comfortable for you, you can be my model with someone you choose. Some friend of yours. But please, agree.”

Lexa thought for a while and she tried to stand straight. All cartilages in her spine popped, but Clarke didn’t mind.

“I think that if you want good abs and just great people on your photos, you certainly should do session for Raccoons, how about that?” she asked and Clarke’s eyes widened and started shining brightly.

“That’s perfect idea!” she grinned, hiding perfectly her disappointment that she couldn’t be able to spend some time only with her camera and Lexa. “You had match in two days, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, we have. And I think that if you would shoot a few photos of our team, we will be saved in the school chronicles in the most great way we could.” Lexa smiled. “ And Clarke… thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Besides, you always save my day.” She winked with wide smile and Lexa smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter with nothing's really happenening, just because I didn't have any real idea of what could, I was defeated by old slavic morphology and that's all I was able to write. But still, I hope you liked it. :)
> 
> Anyway, thank you for kudos, bookmarks and comments! Feel free to leave your opinion, ideas or just something you want to tell me in the comments below.  
> You can also write to me on my tumblr firepath.tumblr.com if you want to just talk to me, I'm always open.
> 
> Take care and until Tuesday!


	35. Photos

“Hi, guys, I… um.. I wanted to ask you something.” Lexa almost mumbled, standing in front of her team mates.

“What’s that?” Tall girl with hair in colour of dirt blonde asked, looking curiously at Lexa.

“Erm… I had a friend who is attending art classes and she had work that needs to be done and…”

“To the point, Woods.” Leader of the team, Callie Cartwig, approached. She was on senior year and she seemed to be quite unkind, but the truth was that most of the time she was just teasing everybody.

“She needs someone for her photography session and she wanted someone with good abs. She chose me, but I didn’t agree, because I thought that it would be great if she would do photos of our team, what do you, guys, think?” Lexa exhaled, trying to seem relaxed, but she wasn’t. She was wondering what will happen if her team leader say that she should just fuck off.

“Is she good?” Callie asked. “Who’s that?”

“Clarke Griffin.” Lexa stated. “And yes, she’s damn the best.”

“Bring her here then.” Cartwig nodded so did Lexa in return. She went out of the gym, she found there Clarke who was nervously carrying her camera and who was praying for Raccoons to agree for the session.

“They said yes, come on, Clarke!” Lexa waved at her, running towards blonde. “Everything’s okay?”

“I’m just… I don’t know, I’m just nervous.” She stated honestly and Lexa nodded.

“No need to be, these people are great, seriously.” Lexa smiled comfortingly and Clarke nodded.

“Okay I believe you, but… my offer is still valid, you know? If you will want to be my only model, I…”

“I’ll think about it, okay?” brunette stopped in front of gym’s door. “For now I don’t really know, but…”

“You’re not sure.” Clarke noticed it and she decided to say it out loud, just in case.

“I’m hesitating.” Lexa stated honestly. “When you asked me for the first time, my answer was »no«, but now… I don’t know. I can’t say »yes«, but…”

“Take your time.” Clarke smiled friendly, looking at Lexa with hope in her eyes. “I’ll wait, you can be sure.”

“Thanks, Clarke.” Lexa nodded. “But now… let’s go. And maybe I will be able to answer your question after training.”

 

*

 

“Hi everyone, I’m Clarke Griffin and I’ll be you photographer today.” Blonde stated and glanced at the whole Raccoons team. She hung her gaze a little bit longer on Lexa, but she had to move for not letting them suspect that she might feel something for Raccoons’ number 13 player. “of course if you’re all okay with that.”

“If we were not, you wouldn’t be here I suppose.” Callie smiled and she nodded, greeting Clarke. “I’m Callie Cartwig and I’m Raccoons’ captain.” She reached out her hand and Clarke shook it. “I hope that you will took photos which our school would be proud to use for chronicles.”

“That’s what I was thinking about.” Clarke swallowed hard, trying not to show them that she’s extremely nervous and she pulled out her camera. “I’m still learning, but…”

“She already knows a lot.” Lexa smiled, trying to help her. “If you guys have ever seen the big poster in history and art classroom…”

“This one with dancer?” Harper asked and Lexa nodded, causing big, red blush on Clarke’s face. “Wait, what? You’re trying to tell us that’s her photo?” she pointed at Clarke and blonde blushed harder while Lexa was nodding her head with excitement. Harper’s eyes widened and she was surprised. “No shit, I thought that Newman bought it somewhere!”

“No, he didn’t.” Lexa smiled. “That’s Clarke’s work.”

“So I think we should trust you then.” Callie smiled widely and everyone nodded. “Just tell us what you want us to do.”

“First, I would like to take a photo of a whole first squad…”

“We haven’t got second squad.” Callie smiled and Clarke swallowed harder while nodding. She gave some instructions for girls to take place for the photo and she took some experimental photos. She looked at the screen of her camera and she corrected some settings, then she took another photos. After all she assumed that she’s kinda satisfied with the quality and she’s ready to do real stuff.

“Please, everyone alone.” She stated. “Just in case if somebody will want to describe every one of you with special photo.”

“If it would be yours, they will give us whole chapter in the chronicles, no doubt.” Lexa smiled and Clarke did the same.

“And after that? That would be all?” One player, this one with number seven on her shirt and shorts, asked and blonde hesitated.

“Great question, Echo.” Callie smiled and she glanced at their photographer. “You have any idea?”

“Erm…” Clarke thought for a while. “How about that: you will have training, as usual, and I would just try to be invisible? I’ll take some photos and then, after that, I will go develop them and I show them to you… you’ll choose the best ones and then we will give it to people who held chronicles in their hands.” She stated and waited for a while for answer.  
Everybody nodded.

“Let’s do this.” Callie smiled.

 

*

 

“And what do you think about Raccoons?” Lexa asked after the training, when she was after a shower and she was with Clarke, seeing off blonde to her dorm.

“Amazing team.” She smiled Because you’re a part of it, she thought and glanced at Lexa. Her hair was damp and one wisp slipped out of her messy bun and Clarke couldn’t resist but she moved it behind Lexa’s ear. Brunette glanced at her friend with surprise and Clarke took back her hand. “I’m… sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Lexa smiled and this time it was Clarke who was surprised. “Come on, you can touch me.”

“I know that you’re not really into touching.” Blonde hesitated. “Like… I don’t know, you don’t like it.”

“True.” Lexa nodded. “But we’re not having sex, for fuck’s sake.” She laughed. “And, to be honest, you’re my friend. You can touch me, I can allow you.”

“Thanks.” Clarke was so happy because Lexa said that that she could hardly remember what she wanted to say. “But, anyway, I... I wanted to invite you to me, would you come?” she asked, blushing and Lexa stopped.

“What? Like… to your dorm?”

“I will understand if you think that it would not be comfortable for you, it was just casual offer, you don’t have to…” Clarke interrupted, when Lexa laid her finger on Clarke’s lips just to makre her quiet.

“I will come with pleasure, Clarke.” She smiled and looked at her friend. “Lead the way.”

 

*

 

“Nice place.” Lexa smiled when she overstepped the threshold. She looked around and she noticed the cork mat in Clarke’s room. “May I…?” she asked, but Clarke was right in her kitchen, trying to find something in her fridge. She didn’t really knew what was Lexa asking for, but she assumed that whatever it was, she could agree.

“Help yourself, feel like in your place, Lexa.” She shouted and kept looking for something.  
Meanwhile brunette approached to the cork mat and she looked at the photos pinned to it. She saw pictures with her and she blushed.

“What’s up?” Clarke asked when she was back with two cans of soda. “Oh, you…”

“Great job, Clarke.” Lexa turned around and looked blonde in the eye. Her interlocutor stopped for a while and tried to recognize if brunette was mad about that pictures or truly amazed because of them.

“They aren’t so good.” Clarke shrugged and handed Lexa the can. Brunette thanked and opened it with loud hiss. She took a sip, being constantly observed by blue orbs and she glanced at the photos once more.

“Apparently they are if professor Newman wanted this one–.” She pointed, with wide smile, at picture of her dancing silhouette. “–in his class. But I’m wondering… why there are only photos with me? You don’t have any others or…?”

“Actually I had, but… Octavia took the only one that was good enough to pin it with these.” Clarke blushed hardly and Lexa giggled. “Like, you know, I took a photo during Warriors’ match and she was in the middle of a slam dunk on the picture, but when I was here and the photos I’ve chosen were lying on the table, she flicked through them, she pinned them to this mat and, while I was still lying in my bed, she was out for training. And I realized that she stole this photo from me when I had no chance for taking it back.” She explained and Lexa nodded.

“I’m sure that there will be another opportunity to take picture like that again or you can develop this one once again.” She smiled and sipped from her can. “But it’s quite impressive how many photos of me you have. Like…”

“Please, don’t finish the sentence.” Clarke groaned. “I know that this fact is making a stalker out of me, but I’m not…”

“I know.” Lexa snorted with laughter and Clarke blushed. Yet she was pleased by the warm sound of Lexa’s voice. “I don’t assume you as a stalker. That’s… interesting, that’s it.” She smiled and took one step closer to the cork mat to just look at the pictures form close. “Like this one, from judo competition. We didn’t know each other yet. Night at Growl, the same. Tribal Dance Night. Same.” She stated, saying out loud the situations from pictures that Clarke knew by heart. “This dancer was pretty big mystery for you, wasn’t she?” she asked and blonde was surprised. Lexa was speaking about the dancer as if she was another person, not her.  
“But… that’s you… why are you…”

“Yeah, I know, but you didn’t know it then.” Lexa smiled. “And I don’t really like to think about myself as that person, as a dancer. This is rather like my… alter ego.”

“Why?” Clarke leaned on the edge of the table and she stared at Lexa. Brunette wondered for a while and she cleared her throat, swirling the liquid in her can. She wasn’t looking at Clarke.

“Because it’s like my second personality, you know? You heard what my sister had said to me when we were arguing, that’s for sure. And she was right. With my mask on I’m different person. I’m confident. I know what to do, I’m not afraid, at least not as much as I am normally. That women is not Lexa you know.” She smiled shyly, but Clarke giggled.

“No, Lexa. This person–“ she pointed at the cork mat “–is EXACTLY the Lexa I know. Confident, sometimes ruthless, but only for enemies I think, beautiful, fearless. That’s you.”

“It’s not.” Lexa shook her head, glancing at Clarke. “When I’m not dancing…”

“How about feelings?” Clarke decided to ask about something that she was curious about from the very beginning. “What’s your attitude towards them?”

“I’ve learned that having feelings is not really my way of life. I had to get used to people who did not want to cope with my feelings, who wanted me to be the person that they wanted to see in me. I thought that… I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to have feelings at all, because they are just not for me. Because having them is to be weak? I don’t really know, this question is quite hard to answer without thinking and we haven’t got much time to discuss this.” Lexa stated, straightening her back and looking Clarke in the eye. “And, as I said, I’m not the same person now as I am with the mask on my face and the dance in my body.

“Listen, Lex.” Clarke smiled, looking tenderly interlocutor. “The fact that you could put the mask down when you’re alone with me and you’re doesn’t doing that means that you have it all the time. I can see it. You’re strong, for sure. You’re brave, because you’re fighting with every day and you’re winning. You’re pretending that you don’t have any feelings, but I know that you have them. Maybe you think having feelings makes people weak, but, damn, Lexa, it’s you who’s weak for hiding from them. You want everyone to think that you’re above it all, and you're succeeding, because you’re really strong one, but…”

“It’s only you who sees right through me, Clarke.” Lexa sighed, not looking at her interlocutor. She was aware that blonde’s right. She was weak because she had to hide her feelings, but there were moments when she felt that she was slipping. Fortunately, these moments were only when Clarke was around. “And you’re the only one who I trust, except my sister.”

Clarke nodded, but she didn’t say a word. She was grateful that Lexa had said this and that she showed her trust.

“It has not to be only me who can do this…”

“I would rather that it has to.” Lexa shook her head. “Look, Clarke, I’m not good with people, okay? I don’t want them to know me. I’m… I’m good as I am now, really.” She smiled a little and Clarke sighed, but she nodded and she decided to let her go.

“Lexa, anyway, I… can I ask you a question? About some kind of favor?” she asked and Lexa seemed surprised. She shrugged and she glanced Clarke in the eye.

“Sure you can, but I won’t guarantee that I will be able to do it.” She smiled and waited for Clarke to say what she wanted.

“Would you mind to… be my model? But… not that way you think.” She assured when Lexa was about to take one step back. “I mean… would you… sing for me?”

“And you want to take photos while I would be doing this?” Lexa was suspicious and Clarke blushed. She slowly nodded, trying not to be so shy, but she was and Lexa smiled a little.“I can’t sing, Clarke.” she stated. “I…”

“Your voice is amazing, I… I just… I just wanted to hear it once again, Lexa.” She said and she blushed hardly. Brunette smiled, sighed and then she shrugged.

“Okay, let it be my loss.” She stated and she closed her eyes. Clarke immediately turned on her camera and she was ready to take photos. She was looking at Lexa when she was preparing and, probably, choosing the right song to sing for her. Clarke wouldn’t mind at all, she was ready to hear even some shitty song, but she was happy that she will be able to hear Lexa’s smoky voice again.  
And she did.

_Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining, her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying, she's so beautiful and I tell her everyday.Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me and it's so, it's so sad to think that she doesn't see what I see, but every time she ask me do I look okay?I say…_

Clarke was mesmerized by her voice. So different that original song, even if melody was the same. Lexa’s voice was telling Clarke that its owner was singing probably about somebody she knows. Blonde took one photo and she didn’t even checked if everything was all right with it, she just kept shooting, because she wanted to have a memory of Lexa singing on the paper.

_When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, ‘cause you're amazing just the way you are. And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, 'cause girl, you're amazing, just the way you are…_

When she was singing the refrain, she didn’t missed any tone, she was staring at Clarke, looking at her like she was something that made Lexa’s less stressed because of what she was doing. Clarke smiled, raised her thumb up and she encouraged Lexa to continue.

_Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me, her laugh her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy, she's so beautiful and I tell her everyday… oh, you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change if perfect's what you're searching for, then just stay the same, so don't even bother asking if you look okay, you know I'll say…_

Lexa’s gaze was constant and she was following every move of Clarke. She was observing when she was staring out of the small box in the camera, when she was pulling the button and when flesh was glaring. She was mesmerized because of Clarke’s passion in the same way as Clarke was mesmerized by Lexa’s hoarse, low and sexy voice.

_When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change, ‘cause you're amazing just the way you are. And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, 'cause girl, you're amazing, just the way you are…_

Lexa shut her eyes at the end of the song and she finished it with even lower voice than she was singing. She smiled and she sighed, then she opened her eyes and glanced at Clarke. She approached a little and she looked her companion in the eye. Honey eyes met blue ones and Lexa smiled a little. Clarke glanced at Lexa with awe and then she blushed and she lowered her head, fixing her gaze on her camera with large blush.

Lexa didn't know that Clarke was fighting inside herself with the shyness which had been stopping her from approaching to brunette. After quite long period of silence, Raccoons' 13th player smiled sadly, because she saw that Clarke was fixed on her camera and there were no possibility to do anything.

“I hope that you’ll be satisfied with that materials you gained.” She stated and blonde giggled.

“Sure I will.” Clarke Grinned, looking at her camera’s display. “They would be gorgeous.” She assured her companion.

“How can you tell?” Brunette asked, looking at Clarke.

 _Because you’re my model and you’re making everything perfect._ She thought, but only thing that Lexa could see was the sparkle in blonde’s eyes. “Intuition.” She smiled widely and winked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Clarke is so shy of it comes to Lexa. And Lexa is too, that's internal conflict. But I hope it will change soon. And I'm in the middle of moving out, so I'm sorry if this chapter was worse. I'm creating my small part of Trinity College Library. XD *super excited*
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all kudos and bookmarks and comments! Feel free to leavw them below, tell me what you think!
> 
> Take care, ubtil Friday!


	36. Eagles

Clarke was waiting for that day, because she really loved the way Lexa was playing handball. Blonde could see how good brunette was on the playground, how much of her heart she was putting in what she was doing. She was such an enthusiast of handball and she was really trying her very best — every drop of her sweat was a proof. It was real pleasure to watch her and Clarke and her friends knew that.

“What’s up, sweetie?” Raven accosted blonde at the courtyard after classes and Clarke smiled.

“Nothing really. I’m waiting for the upcoming match, I want…”

“You want to see her playing, don’t you?” she smiled and blonde nodded. Octavia joined them couple minutes later.

“You wasn’t so happy when it was coming to my matches.” Tanned girl smirked and blonde blushed.

“It’s not like that, I’m just…” she interrupted when Raven waved her hand and Octavia grinned.

“I know.” The second one said. “I’m just aware how important she is for you, Clarke.”

“And I’m aware that she doesn’t even know about this.” Raven said, glancing at Clarke and when she hadn’t obtained any answer, she groaned.

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Clarke? Why didn’t you tell her finally?”

“Because she didn’t want it I suppose.” Blonde stated. “Yesterday…”

“What was yesterday?” Raven caught this topic immediately when she had heard this small hesitation in her friend’s voice. “Tell us.”

“I invited her at my place.” Clarke blushed.

“And?” Octavia tried not to show how curious she was and blonde’s face turned red as raging fire.

“And we were looking at my cork mat with photos that you’d pinned.” She stated. “I felt like fucking dork, because there wasn’t any picture of anybody but her.”

“I won’t say I’m sorry.” Octavia grinned, so did Raven. “And what then? Or… how did it happen that you had invited her? Just like that?” she snapped her fingers and her friend shook her head.

“First of all, I had been taking photos of Raccoons’ team, because I’ve asked Lexa if she would mind being my model and she wasn’t sure if she would. Then she agreed and she gave me one condition: I will make a session for the whole team and I agreed. And, before, when she decided to walk with me, I just invited her. When she was in my dorm we were talking and Iasked for a favor.”

“And what was that?” Raven showed her that she should continue, because, in other case, she would force her to say it out loud.

“I asked her for singing for me and I wanted to take pictures of her while she would be doing this.”

“Did she agree.” Octavia was curious as fuck that she forgot to use intonation, but Raven was no less.

“What?” Clarke felt a little confused.

“Did she agree.” Raven repeated what O. had said.

“Yeah, after all.” Blonde shrugged. “And she sang. God, she’s got one hell of a voice!”

“What she picked?” Raven ignored last sentence of her friend.

“You mean?”

“Which song did she choose?” Octavia smiled, asking question that way that Raven should have done it, but she didn’t.

“Oh.” Clarke shrugged. “Nothing special. »Just the way you are« by Bruno Mars.” She stated and both, Octavia and Raven, groaned so loudly that blonde was confused even more. “What?”

“NOTHING SPECIAL.” Raven was defeated. “ SHE SAID: NOTHING SPECIAL”.

“What did you do then?” Octavia had a glimmer of hope that maybe, only maybe Clarke didn’t screw it that much.

“I had taken photos and then I let her go home, because she had to…” she stated and Octavia lost all her hope immediately. Raven slapped her face.

“Clarke, you’re hopeless as fuck. There’s no hope for you.” Latina groaned.

“What the fuck…”

“She was singing… did you develop these photos?” Octavia asked and Clarke shook her head.

“Not yet. But if you’re insisting I can go to the studio and ask them for doing it.” She shrugged. “But I don’t know what…”

“Nothing really, Clarke.” Raven snorted sarcastically. “Because that’s totally normal and common that someone you have feelings for came to your place, agreed on singing for you, and I assume that she’s not doing it always, and then she’d chosen »Just the way you are«. Everybody would have done that. Literally everybody.”

“Are you suggesting that…”

“Yes, Clarke.” Octavia sighed.

“Yes, I am.” Raven nodded. “She was flirting with you. She had told you that she really likes you and what have you done? Nothing. Literally NOTHING.” She sighed.

“And what should I?” Clarke raised one eyebrow.

“What? You should talk to her and start to finally be together!” Octavia groaned. “You’re so stupid. And slow as fuck, to be honest.”

Clarke groaned and shook her head. “But it’s impossible that she was flirting with me. I can remember when she had said that she is not ready for another relationship…”

“But are you sure?” Octavia interrupted her and Clarke glanced at her with hesitation that came to her moment ago.

“No.” she stated with disbelief.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“Hey, why you’re not on training?” Anya asked when she bumped into her sister in their living room. Lexa was sitting on the couch, looking at nothing, her eyes were empty, she seemed to be shattered and Anya could perfectly see that. “What happened, Lexa?” she repeated and then she waited for couple of minutes for answer but her sister didn’t say a word. “Alexandria!”

“What.” Lexa turned to her sister just to be able to see her. “What happened?”

“I asked that first.” Anya stated. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you on training?”

“I did it all wrong.” Lexa sighed and her sister didn’t know what she was talking about.

“What?”

“Clarke. I was with her yesterday and she asked me for singing for her.”

“You agreed?” Anya couldn’t hide surprise that affected all her face. “Seriously?” she added when Lexa remained silent and elder sister took it as confirmation. “But you had never agreed on singing for anyone before.”

“Could be.” Lexa sighed and Anya smiled when she noticed that her sister fell in love so badly.

“You like her. A lot.” She stated and Lexa shrugged. “But why… what happened?”

“I tried to tell her something with the song I’ve chosen.” She stated and Anya groaned.

“Please, tell me, that you haven’t chosen »Love me like you do« form Grey or something.”

“I’m not normal, Anya, but I’m not an idiot either.” Brunette snorted. “I’ve chosen »Just the way you are« and I sang it. She was taking pictures when I was doing it. And, then, when I’ve finished, she stated that she was satisfied with the pictures she had taken. And I decided to leave, because she didn’t do anything that could give me any hint if I could do something else.” She finished with very quiet voice and Anya sighed.

“I don’t know what’s between you two, but I’m almost sure that you’re in love with each other but you just can’t meet halfway. When she’s doing something that’s giving you opportunity, you’re screwing it up. When you finally decide to do something, she’s screwing all up. I don’t believe it. You’re fucking dorks, get your shit together.” Anya laughed, when she saw Lexa’s cheeks covering in red blush. Younger sister couldn’t say a world, she knew that Anya was right.

“But maybe I did something wrong.” She tried to understand, but Anya shook her head, looking at her sister with a smile.

“No, you did nothing wrong.” She stated. “You did everything you could, but she’s slow as fuck and you’re just too fast, if you know what I mean.” Lexa nodded, looking at her sister. She perfectly knew that Anya was talking about the words that were said too early and that caused misunderstandings. “But how you probably should be on training, am I right?”

“It starts soon. I should, but…”

“You’re the best player in this team, you have to do everything you can to impress Clarke and I’m sure that she would be on the gym to watch the match, but, what’s the most important, to watch YOU.” Anya smiled.

“And you?” Lexa asked, surprising her sister.

“What: me?”

“Would you come and watch the match?” she glanced at elder woman with hope in her eyes and Anya smiled.

“Sure, this time for you, not only for Raven.” She nodded and Lexa did the same. She caught her backpack and she decided to go on the training.

“Thank you.” She said with her hand on the knob. She heard Anya’s laughter.

“Nothing to thank for.” She stated. “Good luck and see you, sis.”

And Lexa left.

 

*

 

She felt adrenaline running through her veins, blood pressure risen to the point of crack. She was tired, but also happy, because every drop of her sweat was given for what she had always loved. She caught a ball and she led the action, throwing it to Harper for trick the opponents. There were shouts from audience who was cheering up players, but it didn’t matter that time. Of course, they wanted cheering and that was fantastic, but then the arbiter blew the whistle and first half ended.

Raccoons were back to the locker room and there wasn’t possibility to be happy or even positive. They were losing with six points and they didn’t see any option for this match to win. Everybody remembered this one match with Eagles that was lost when it came to play with them during finals a year before. They’d lost the match and, also, a championships.

Moods were terrible and players were sitting on the benches. Callie was upset, but she knew that she had to say something for her team when their couch was on the playground, talking with arbiter, probably to get some situations straight. And then all was on Callie… like every time. She was always good spirit of the team and then she had no idea how to cheer her mates up.  
Lexa raised her head from above her intertwined fingers when Raccoons’ captain had cleared her throat, but she was the only player that did it. Callie waited for the rest to raise their heads and when they did it, all she had seen was loss. Was the lust, need to just give it all up. She glanced at everybody, looking for anything that would give her motivation to speak, to say something motivating. And in Lexa’s eyes she found something different. In her eyes she found stubbornness, and will to go back to the playground. She noticed that Lexa, this new girl who seemed to be shy and not so good in playing or cooperating, was ready to win no matter how bad the situation was. Callie knew that she was wrong about Lexa, she thought that brunette would be at least useless and then she realized that she was the most important pillar of their team. She glanced at brunette and she thought about that she should ask for a few words spoken to Raccoons. She decided that maybe later and she stood up.

“I know that we’re losing…” she started and she interrupted, because she didn’t really know what to say. She was upset because of that this was their second match in the championships and Raccoons had already had such a problem with scoring. She was frightened to even think about what would be in next tour, if they could make it. Callie glanced at Lexa, looking for support and unknowingly begging her for some help. Deep down in her heart she suspected that Lexa would be great second captain. She wanted to verify her assumption and Lexa gave her golden opportunity for this by shaking her head and she stood up to take place next to her captain.

“Hey, Eagles may be drawing a line, but who’s to say we can’t choose the side of it to stay on? Of course, I’m talking about of side of victory.” She stated with strong, powerful voice, immediately catching everyone’s attention. “I’m new here, but I had seen your matches before. I could have seen how great this team was, how you are able to play. Eagles were your opponent last year when you were playing in semi–finals. You’d almost won then, why you couldn’t believe that you can win now? I know that six points are hard to score and it will be even harder to score seven or more to had more points than they have, but hey, it’s not impossible. You’re better than last year. You’ve trained hard and you’re worth it. Even if the opponent is not so easy to defeat, it doesn’t mean that they cannot be defeated., because they can. It’s up to you to just believe that you’re not worse, not even if you failed in last match with them. You can. You have great captain that can lead you to victory and it had not changed. She’s still here, but she cannot bear this all alone. You have to help her, because she’s the pillar, but you’re the building, girls. Let’s kick some asses.” She finished and she sat down. Callie glanced at her, quietly amazed and everyone nodded. “I’m… I’m sorry if I said too much.” Lexa mumbled. “I… maybe I shouldn’t…”

“Thank you.” Callie smiled and she laid her hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “We needed this, but you were wrong in one point of all you’d said.”

“Where?” Lexa asked, glancing Callie in the eye, but it wasn’t Raccoons’ captain who answered her.

“It’s not »you«. It’s »we«, Lex.” Echo stated, looking at brunette and Lexa turned to see her smiling face.

“Yeah, we’re team.” Harper grinned. “We have to admit that we had been thinking that you won’t really be able to be full part of this team, but… we were wrong. You’re one of us.”

“Thank you.” Lexa nodded. She had a hint of what her mate was talking about. “It means a lot to me.”

“It’s time, girls.” Callie stated, looking at her team. She smiled when she had seen that on every face in Raccoons’ team was hope. Hope after the words that Lexa had said. “Our positive–negative is right.” She grinned, according to Lexa’s number. “Let’s kick some asses.”

And all team was out, but Callie stopped Lexa before brunette was able to leave.

“Hey, wait… I… I was wrong about you.” She stated and Lexa looked at her without understanding.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Like Harper had said, I thought that you’re not social and that you would rather destroy than build our team. You were aloof and withdrawn, not really eager to speak with anyone, but after all you were good on the playground. We couldn’t trust you, even if we were able to see that during matches you’re good in communicating with team mates, but now… I have to apologize for that attitude. You show no signs of destruction. Our team was weak before, because we couldn’t get rid of a shame that we’d lost that match, that we couldn’t reach the grand prix. Now we’re better, but not because that we were training, I mean… of course, because of that too, but mainly we’re better because we’re together. Because we started to be closer. Firstly it was because we were not really convinced to you, and you know, sharing an enemy is really great binder, but now… you’re building our team. You’re the one that can hold us together even when you were not considered as part of us. I’m so sorry about what we were thinking, that was rather… I know, it was childish. I don’t know what I thought, maybe because I’m a captain I was sure that I had right of judging every player in this team, but… I was wrong. I cannot judge anybody, because it’s huge possibility that I would be wrong like I was with you… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Lexa smiled. “Making mistakes is really a part of human nature, Callie.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t mature and I… I don’t know. I’m on the senior year now and I’m leaving this year. Maybe it’s too early, but I wanted to askyou… Raccoons will need new captain. And I want you to be that person. Oh…” she interrupted and she hit her face with her hand. “It’s not because I feel guilty that I misjudged you. I really think that you will be great on this position, Lex. I’m sure that you will lead them to victory better than I did, because I didn’t.”

“You’re great captain, Callie.” Lexa smiled. “And don’t be sorry, because I’m aware that I couldn’t make really good first impression. I’m glad that you acknowledged me as your team mate. But we’ll talk about your proposition at the end of the year, but… anyway, thank you for trusting me.”

And they went to the playground together to face the Eagles.

 

*

 

“I knew that you fucking can win it!” Octavia shouted with joy when match ended and Raccoons were on the playground celebrating their victory. “It was amazing show, for fuck’s sake, girls, you’re great!”

“Said the best Warriors’ player.” Callie smiled. “Bud don’t be excited too much, we’d won only with one point.”

“But still, you won.” Clarke smiled.

“And we wouldn’t if it wasn’t for Lexa.” Cartwig was grinning. “She’s like a coach, she motivated us to play this game, to just continue doing what we were doing no matter what. She made us believe that we can win with them.” She stated and Lexa blushed badly.

“I knew it!” Clarke smiled and Anya nodded with appreciation.

“My sister.” She said with pride in her voice. “So… what’s now? You’re going to celebrate this moment? Like… before you will start preparations for next match?”

“Oh yeah, we certainly should, because it’s the first time for couple of years that Raccoons had defeated Eagles! And Lexa would be our guest of honour!” Callie shouted and Raccoons’ answered her with applause.

“She’s a part of the team.” Raven smiled.

“But she’s also a hero of this match.” Echo digged latina with joy. “And you’re all invited! Polis University DEFEATED EAGLES!”

And everybody that could hear general shouts and applause, was out of the gym. Crowd, led by Callie and Echo with Lexa with red face on their shoulders, were on the courtyard with loud music, and the party started.

Everyone was approaching and congratulating Raccoons’ players, because they’d played really good and exciting match. Raven begged Lexa to have a beer with them and Lexa, with Anya’s approval, succumbed on the admonishment. Raven handed her low percentage beer and they were talking with each other about the match, great moments and everything. In some point Callie, Echo and Harper joined them and everything was just fine.

Lexa felt that somebody’s poking her and she moved to make some space for new one, because she was sure that it was another Raccoon’s player that wanted to join them.

“Great play, Lex.” She heard from left and she immediately glanced at this person to make sure that she misheard this voice.

Angry look of Anyadid nothing but confirmed her suspicions before she was able to see this person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. I hope that you liked it. :)
> 
> Thank you for all kudos and comments, feel free to leave them. :)
> 
> Thank you also for being here and reading it, take care and until Tuesday!


	37. Not again

“Costia.” Lexa moved just to make the distance between them bigger. “What you’re doing here.”

Clarke could see that Lexa’s facial expression and her silhouette changed. She had seen the tension in her muscles, like brunette was ready to run, but that was barely visible. Clarke was surprised, just like everyone in the circle, that Bullets’ player appeared on the afterparty.

“I was watching the match, because I was curious how you will cope with Eagles. And I was positively surprised that you actually did. Apparently you’ve improved your team skills, because I can remember that there was a long period when you couldn’t manage with this team.” She stated and Callie hissed. Nobody was really aware of that Costia was Lexa’s girlfriend, of course apart from Anya, Raven, Octavia, Lincoln and Clarke. Clarke did knew that between them was something not really great, but she only knew the surface of the story and Anya seemed to be pissed off just because Costia dared to appear and blonde assumed that there was something more than just case with drugs and attempt of battery, but she wasn’t sure and she knew that that moment wasn’t the best for asking.

“What you’re doing here?” Anya repeated Lexa’s question. “Because I know you and I’m sure that the match was not your real cause of arrival.”

“Of course, the match wasn’t really the cause. What was, and still is, is her.” She pointed at Lexa with her chin. Brunette stiffed.

“What do you want from me?” she asked harshly and she tried to look at Costia, but she really couldn’t. Clarke noticed what she forgave and forgot the first time she had seen them talking. That Lexa was withdrawn, that she wasn’t confident, that she was, in some point, kinda afraid of Costia. But she didn’t know why was that.

“I want nothing from you.” She stated, crossing her arms and then silence descended.

“Then what do you want?” Lexa’s voice was quiet, but still strong and Clarke was proud of her. She quickly glanced at Anya’s face and she could see there fear and anger. She started to be a little bit anxious.

”I want you.” Costia stated, looking at Lexa with beady sight. Lexa perfectly coped with her body and forced it not to take step back. Her muscles tensed a little more and Clarke noticed a slight trace of veins on her neck. Blonde curled up fists, but she was sure that she couldn’t really make any move. She should be waiting for development of that situation. “I want you to go back to me.” She said and Clarke stiffed because she thought for a while that Lexa could have lied to her when she had told her that she told Costia to fuck off. But then Lexa shook her head.

“I had said it before and I will repeat it now, Costia.” She stated firmly, deciding to raise her eyesight and look into her ex’s eye. Clarke noticed that she almost spitted her interlocutor’s name and that was kinda uplifting. “I do not want to go back to you. You’re closed chapter in my life and I don’t want you to be a part of the next one.”

“You’re with her?” she pointed at Clarke and Lexa set her fists like she was ready to fight, but she didn’t move her hands, forcing them to remain still along her body. Costia had asked this once before. Clarke wanted to do one step and tell her what she was thinking about her and all that she was doing to Lexa and so, but brunette reached out her arm when she noticed what Clarke would want to do, stopping blonde and giving her straight signal that she got it and, at least at the moment, she could manage.

“No.” she stated firmly, still with reached out hand. “But it’s not your business.”

“Then why don’t you want to go back to me?”

“I’ve already said it.” Lexa cut this conversation, but Costia didn’t seem to notice that and she was eager to continue it. Anya perfectly knew, same as Lexa, that, in some point, it finally start to be humiliating for brunette. On the other hand, Lexa knew that haters gonna hate no matter what, but she still couldn’t believe that she had been great the way she was.

“Because I made your issues worse?” Costia asked and Clarke noticed that Lexa’s fists clenched hardly. “You had never really had any issues. You were just imagining them. Just for making everybody sorry, craving for attention that you’ve never had.” Blonde had enough. She took one step forward.

“Let her go.” She said loudly, looking with anger at Lexa’s ex girlfriend. She didn’t want to let Costia humiliate her friend. “She had said that she doesn’t want to be with you or talk to you, you should go.”

Costia’s sight moved from Lexa’s face to Clarke’s and then it stopped at Lexa’s again. “You trained her well.” She snorted with laughter.

“Fuck off of her.” Lexa snarled, silently begging Clarke to step back of that situation. She exactly knew what Costia was capable of and she didn’t want that for blonde.

“You feel something for her, don’t you?” Costia laughed harder and Clarke was a little bit confused. “But you perfectly know that you wouldn’t let her close. You can’t let anyone be close to you because…”

“Because I’ve made a mistake and let you did it.” Lexa said and her intonation forced anyone who actually wanted to say something, with intention to defense her, to shut up. She was pissed off, she was angry and Clarke, Anya and all the rest of the people in the circle remained silent. They were watching the clash of two lionesses which was amazing but also terrifying. Especially when they could all see that Costia had some kind of psychical ascendance above Lexa and only brunette and her sister knew why. “And I won’t make this mistake again.”

“Oh, you’re adorable, Lexa.” she said, deflecting her head and bursting with laughter into the air. “But you know that you’re missing me. That I’m inseparable part of your life. Inextricable part of you.” She squinted her eyes and Lexa slightly shivered, so did Clarke. She wanted to say something, but the words were stuck inside her throat. Everyone was stiffed, nobody could move or say anything. They could only watch what was happening. Nobody knew that Lexa shivered because of anger, not because of fear. She knew that Clarke was next to her, she knew that nothing bad could happen to her that time, she felt stronger and more powerful. She was ready to attack once again. Maybe for the last time at all.

“Not anymore.” Lexa almost whispered. “I don’t want you to be this anymore.”

“I’m sure you will change your mind, when I say that I’m not here alone.” She stated and Lexa could see a couple of silhouettes that didn’t fit in that party they was on. She perfectly knew who was that; Quint, Atom, Athol, Delano, Fio and Gideon. Costia’s “friends”. Lexa wanted to take step back, but she forced her body not to. She squinted her eyes, begging for them not to touch Clarke, her sister or anybody of her friends or mates.

“If you’re thinking that you’re better than me, because you brought them, you’re wrong. Look around, you’re surrounded by my friends and my mates. We’re superior than you.”

“We had more force.” Costia shrugged. “And I always get what I want. And now I want you back. And you will come back to me. You don’t fit here. You belong to my group, you belong to me, Lexa. I’m the one to command your life, because you can’t do it yourself.” She said brunette’s name with the manner that made Lexa shiver once again. She knew that Costia wouldn’t let it go, that she would do everything just to get what she wanted. And Lexa was afraid that this crazy bitch would be able to harm Clarke just to be sure that Lexa would go with her.

“If you think me unfit to command, issue the challenge and let’s get on with.” Lexa stated, looking at her opponent with storm in her eyes. She was angry because Costia tried to humiliate her before her team, before her sister, before Clarke. Normally there was high possibility that brunette would decide to just run away and have hope that Costia’s guys wouldn’t be able to catch her in the night, but then she had to face them, because she had already been humiliated and she had to not let her friends and mates watch her failure. She was aware that this one time she couldn’t fail. She had to be strong and she had to show Costia that she’d changed. Also, running away would open them the gate to hurt Clarke or anybody that was important to her. She didn’t want that, so she decided to proceed.

“Very well. You are challenged.” Costia nodded with sarcastic smirk on her face. She glanced at Lexa with primacy and she snorted.

“And I accept your challenge.” Lexa’s voice was harsh, hoarse, but firm and confident, even when she didn’t really feel like that. She didn’t even know what that challenge would be, but she decided to face everything Costia would bring on. And Costia was a little bit surprised because of Lexa’s intonation, but after several seconds she was back to her facial expression form before.

“Dance battle. Like old times.” Costia stated and brunette stiffed. She was aghasted and Anya saw this, because she was used to see Lexa in every stadium of her anxiety and she was used to observe her sister in her different reactions. She could recognize when it was coming to panic attack. But, she knew that nobody else saw this and that was Lexa’s strength.

“I need to talk to her.” She stated, finally saying something, when the view of her sister finally unblocked her ability to speak. Costia nodded.

“But not long. I don’t want to waste my time, because she’d already lost.” She stated, taking one step back and joining her friends. Anya whispered to Raven that she needed her to take care of the circle of people they had been talking to and that they had to keep Costia away from her and Lexa while they were talking. Raven nodded and Anya beckoned on Lexa, caught Clarke’s wrist and took them to the side, away from Costia’s hearing.

“Calm down, sis.” She stated worringly. “You have to breathe. Inhale, exhale, you remember?” she asked and Lexa was almost hyperventilating. Anya looked at Clarke and blonde took step forward, approached Lexa and gently caught her wrist. She led brunette’s hand to her chest, she deflected collar of her T-shirt and put Lexa’s hand on the place which she had her heart under. Brunette could sense steady beat of Clarke’s heart.

“Close your eyes.” Blonde said tenderly, looking at Lexa with soothing voice. “Listen to my heart, to my breath. Try to breath with me, okay? Everything will be all right.”  
There was moment of silence, when Lexa tried not to hyperventilate, when she was trying to calm her breath and calm herself. She succeeded eventually and then she opened her eyes and she looked at Clarke. Blonde spread her arms and Lexa leaned towards her, letting Clarke hug her. Anya sighed, looking at that scene.

“I want to beat her up right now.” She snapped, but Lexa shook her head.

”That’s pointless, An. I… I can manage.” She stated, abalienating herself and looking at Clarke. “I’m sorry that you have to be here and hear that, Clarke. I really am…”

“Don’t be.” Blonde shook her head, still having warm trace of Lexa’s hand on her heart. She was glad that brunette let her did it. “She’s a bitch. I don’t know why you’re discussing with her.”

“Because…” Lexa interrupted, but she decided not to start this conversation at that moment. “I will told you another time, not now. I couldn’t… but there’s a reason I have to face her.” She stated, thinking about the demons Anya had told her about. She was sure that dealing with it face to face could finally open her gate that had been closed for a long time. And that she would finally be able to speak about this. Clarke nodded with understanding. “Why you wanted to talk to me?” brunette asked her sister.

“Because I could see your panic attack coming. And I was right. Luckily Clarke was here to calm you down better and quicker than I could do it.” She stated, suspiciously looking at Lexa. “I know what you’d thought when she had said that she challenge you to the dance battle.”

“What’s wrong about that?” Clarke asked. “Lexa is great in dancing…”

“There was a time when Costia was dancing with us, Clarke.” Lexa stated, thinking that blonde should hear at least a small part of the whole story. “And she was… the best. That’s why she had said that I had already lost the battle. Because she was the best. She had always been creating choreography for our group, we were good then.” She smiled a little and Clarke could see that Lexa was missing Costia in some way, but after that she saw storm in brunette’s honey eyes. “But then she’d left us. Without her we thought that we’re nothing.”

“But some day I was with Lexa on the gym when they were training.” Anya took a lead of the story. “And she showed me some choreography she created and I thought that was good. After that, her mates from The Grounders were in the room and they also stated that they like it. And that was the beginning. They started dancing Lexa’s choreographies and they started winning contests…”

“And that’s proof that you’re better than her.” Clarke stated, looking Lexa in the eye. “You couldn’t be afraid. She is sure that she will win this, but I know that you’re better. You’re better, and you know why?” she asked and Lexa shook her head, looking Clarke in the eye. “Because you’re you. Because you’re the commander of your life and you’re the most honest, sincere person I’ve ever met. You’re pure and she’s not. She couldn’t be true to her heart and you can. That makes you better. Everything you’re doing is coming from the bottom of your heart. From your interior, is running through your veins, everything you’re doing, when it comes to dancing, is perfect, because you are. Don’t let her think that she can beat you, because you will always be better than her. Don’t let her think that she’s the one who can command you what to do, Lexa. Only one who can command your heart and your mind is you. Because you’re free and it’s you who decide what you want, right?”

Lexa nodded with slight wetness in her eyes, but it was so short moment that Clarke wondered if it really happened. “Thank you.” Brunette stated. “I thought that she… that she had really won it already.” She stated, but Anya shook her head.

“Don’t you dare thinking that way.” She stated, squeezing her sister’s shoulder. “You’re great. You’ve beaten everybody down when you were performing on the day with school’s open gates, you remember? Nobody dared to make a noise, everybody was amazed. And that’s why you should show her how to dance. Clarke was right. Costia’s too confident. And you’re better. You cannot be afraid.”

“We’re here for you. We’re here to take your back and support you. All you have to do is go there and beat her when she’s sure that she’d won.”

Lexa nodded her head and hugged Clarke and then Anya.

“Thank you. But there’s one more thing that I should do before I will face her.” She stated with small smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Everyone hates Costia, so do I, but I decided to put her here just because I have plan connected with it. Please, don't be angry at me.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments, you're always welcome to leave them and to say what you're thinking about this one. I hope you liked it. :)
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	38. I'm not the one you think I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is special day, because one of you have a birthday. As I know that I thought that it would be nice if I would update this story.
> 
> So, I wish you all the best, may your dreams come true. :) I apologize for that Clarke and Lexa hadn't kissed yet, but I hope that you would forgive me if I promise you, and you all, that they would. :)
> 
> So, enjoy this chapter and, once again, happy birthday, Clexa100!

“So, didn’t you ask anyone for help and dance for you?” Costia thought that she would be funny, but no one actually laughed. Lexa stepped forward and she looked at Costia with her intensively emerald eyes that her opponent had never seen before. Lexa decided to take off her lenses before she would go for this fight just because she wanted to face her opponent as her, not hiding anything from anybody. She seemed to be surprised because of that little, but very significant change.

“I’m the commander.” Lexa stated firmly, with confidence, looking her ex in the eye. “No one fights for me.”

“Courageous.” Costia snorted and Clarke could see discontent on her face and that was something that made blonde smile. “But you should know that you’re on the lost position.”

“I’m not, Costia.” Lexa stated, taking step forward and she noticed that her support group was gathering behind her back. Costia’s support group did the same behind her opponent. “Because the battle doesn’t even started. Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” She stated and her ex’s smile fainted.

“Choose your DJ.” Costia decided to go to the point, because she noticed that conversation could be hard to continue. “Because mine would be Quint and I know that you’d always had a problem with decisions and you had to think over everything before you can finally decide. And it usually takes a lot of time.” She crossed her arms with sarcastic note in her voice.

“An, would you mind?” Lexa stated calmly, not even showing a single emotion she was feeling then and Clarke was really impressed about that. She could also see that Costia started to be a little bit nervous and she couldn’t hide it at all.

“It’ll be my pleasure.” Brunette’s sister smirked, pulling out her phone, approaching to one of the consoles and connecting her phone with audio system with wire with jack plug. Quint glanced at Costia and he moved to do the same, but it was visible that Lexa’s opponent was huffy because nothing went like she wanted to. Quint connected his phone with console and he stated that he’s ready. Supporting groups scattered a little for better view and to make more space for dancers.

“Let the battle begins.” Costia snapped and Lexa nodded. Brunette gave last glance to Clarke and when she saw that blonde nodded with certainty in her eyes, she thought that everything would be great.  
Quint turned music on first, he was faster than Anya. The speakers released the sound of _Glorious_ by Cascada and a lot of people just laughed, but Costia didn’t give a fuck about that. She started dancing and Clarke saw what Anya meant when she had told her that Costia was good. She really was. Her moves were deliberated, like she had planned this choreography for some time. Like she had learned it by heart. She approached to Lexa, causing brunette to take step back, but then Anya had muted Quint’s speaker and came with Ruelle’s _Until We Go Down_. Lexa was visibly better technically than Costia was, just because Clarke could see her moves didn’t seem to be learned by heart. But their dance levels were pretty close. Lexa was moving confidentally, her steps were careful, yet fast and graceful. She was led by the music.

And then Quint saw that Lexa was good, so he decided to breach her passion. He muted Anya’s speaker and then he came up with _Burn_ by Ellie Goulding. Costia seemed to be confident just because she did know what to do. She was dancing, but in her dance there weren’t such passion like in Lexa’s and everyone could see it. Clarke was right, when she was talking to brunette. Even if she had never seen Costia dancing, she could perfectly state that she couldn’t dance with her heart. Anyway, Lexa’s ex took her shirt off, showing her muscled stomach and starting to dance some kind of tribal, but Clarke immediately knew that when it came to Anya’s choice, she would do it better than Quint. Other case was that he was choosing the music, but it was up to Costia what she would dance and it was not really good choice when she decided to start tribal when there was pop in the air.

Anya said enough to this music and Lexa had great opportunity to show her opponent who was the best in tribal. She chose _Fee Ra Huri_ by Omnia and Lexa did the same thing that Costia had done couple of minutes ago; she took her shirt off. Clarke and all of the spectators could see Lexa’s abs, way better than Costia’s and she sighed when she could see how Lexa was able to move it with her muscles. She was perfect, every move she’d done came from ground and via her heart was leaving her body; her legs, her hands, her stomach. She answered Costia’s challenge with such a class. That performance was so amazing, that even Quint forgot about his job.

“HEY!” could be heard when Costia was pissed off because of her DJ’s nap. Quint shivered and he immediately muted Anya’s speaker just to change the music. When it came to Omnia, he decided to follow it and he set _Fuck Her Gently_ , also by this band. Costia smirked and she stated to dance more luxuriously. Her moves became subtle, maybe kinda erotic, but Clarke wasn’t convinced. Neither was Lexa, because she crossed her arms when Costia was obviously trying to seduce her and she failed. When she noticed that, she seemed to be pissed off even more than she actually was.

Anya claimed that it was enough of embarrassing and, of course, humiliating dance from Costia, because what she was finally doing was just awful try to suggest Lexa that she should be Costia’s sex toy and Anya didn’t like that, neither was Clarke and Lexa, even the crowd striked up. Anya wanted to change the song, but she realized that someone pulled the plug and the console wasn’t working.

“CROWD’S CHOICE!” somebody had shouted and then Shakira’s _Whenever, wherever_ was on. “BOTH OF YOU HAVE TO DANCE!”

And they did. It was even greater to see the two different styles clenching at one time to the same music. Costia was doing great, moving her hips to the rhythm, but it was visible that when she was devoided of Quint’s help, she was a little bit lost. She had to think about her moves, she wasn’t so confident, she lost a bit of her temperament. Clarke assumed that Costia was planning this battle for some time and she fixed music choices with her DJ. Lexa was better, because she didn’t have a clue what Anya would pick and then she was able to dance the way her heart told her to. Costia was trying to copy Shakira’s choreography from music video and she was really god in it, but Lexa dared to take a risk. She was looking Costia’s in the eye and she was moving like she wanted to. Her belly dance was great. She was following her flow, her hips were telling a story of confidence, her abs was telling about her experience and her whole body was speaking the truth about happiness. Lexa did the twist and she caught Clarke’s awed glance. Brunette blinked to her and then she turned to Costia, leaving Clarke with enormous blush on her face.

And then the music turned into _On The Floor_ by Jennifer Lopez. Lexa was catching the flow, she was proving that she know how to dance latino. She knew lambada, she knew salsa and she was perfect. Her moves were smooth, she was swimming in the air, she was unbelievable. Costia’s dance was closed in rigid phrames of everything she could just see in the music videos. She was good, of course, but in her dance there wasn’t anything new, innovative, anything that belonged to her. She was just another one dancing on the floor. Clarke could find in her moves something that could make Costia good, maybe the best, but for some time, not eternally. Her talent, her mind was finite, her possibility to create choreographies was too. And Lexa? She demonstrated that her creativity was endless. That even if she was moving the way that some frames dictated her to, because that music was dedicated to some defined kind of dance, she was still able to bring something fresh in it. Some unexpected moves, some unpredictable gestures, some steps that anybody thought about. And Costia couldn’t — that was something what was making her more and more nervous. She had a feeling that she was losing this challenge, but she still wanted to fight. The one thing that should be admitted to her, was that she was militant. She wanted to fight, but not like Lexa did. Brunette was playing with this, she was happy because she could do what she had loved. And Costia was preset on winning. And that was something that could possibly entomb her.

“CHANGE!” Someone shouted and music had obediently changed. Someone had probably noticed that Costia’s forces were about to end and he or she, Clarke didn’t know, chose _Logo Te Pate_ by Olivia Foa’i. Song was from _Moana_ and Lexa knew it well. It was very joyful song, fast, Maori, but she didn’t give a shit. She closed her eyes and she started dancing, not even bothering about looking at her opponent. Her dance was like the sound — quick, but clear. She was working with her hands and feet. In her dance was sun and ocean’s breeze. Clarke was standing, stunned, looking at Lexa with silent awe same as Anya and the rest of spectators. Costia tried to cope with that jam, but she failed. When short song, because it had only about two minutes, was coming to an end, she tripped and she fell to the ground with anger on her face. Everybody, except for Costia’s companions, shouted with joy, there was applause and Lexa opened her eyes, just to look in Costia’s. She finished her dance and the silence descended. Clarke could see Lexa’s abs rising and falling down in the rhythm of her slightly heavy breath. She was weary, but she was joyful. She was smiling with all her force and Clarke felt great warmth inside her stomach and heart. She felt that she fell for Lexa once again, she finally understood and she knew for sure that she loved that woman.

“Would anyone else of you dare to question my ability to command my life?” she asked firmly, but none from Costia’s supporting group said a word. “Good.”

“You will regret it.” Defeated woman snapped, standing up from the ground. She dusted off her skin and trousers and she glanced at Lexa with wrath. She was defeated, she was feeling humiliated, because Lexa was better this time. And she possibly knew that he would be from then on. “I can promise you that.”

“I don’t want your promises, Costia.” Lexa straightened her back and she looked at her ex with steel in her emerald eyes. Her voice was harsh and stone cold. “You’d already made one and you failed occupying it.” She crossed her arms. Clarke’s eyes shined when she noticed Lexa’s bicepses shining with sweat drops in the light of lamps from school’s courtyard. “All I want from you is to leave me alone as the deal is telling you to.”

“I will never…” Costia started, but Lexa took one step forward, approaching her and she found herself very, very close to Costia’s face. She glanced her ex in the eye and she made her shiver.

“I will repeat this one last time, Costia.” She stated calmly, when her interlocutor fought with her own body not to withdraw. She was terrible in hiding anything what was connected with her body language, so she failed. “I don’t want you in my life. And I never will again.”

“I’m the one who know everything about you. Don’t you even dare to leave me, because I will use it against you!” She tried desperately to save her dignity, but everyone had already assumed that she had none.

“No, Cost.” Lexa smirked and that had to be terrifying to her interlocutor, because she averted her gaze for a moment. “You don’t know everything about me. You don’t know shit, actually.” She stated, looking her ex carefully yet firmly in the eye. “You were sure that my natural orbs colour was honey. And now you can see that it’s not. I can read you like an open book, Costia. I had always been able to. But I had never benefited from that, because I loved you. And now that’s over. I don’t love you anymore and I advise you to get out of here and not to dare returning.”

“We will see, Lexa.” Costia tried to be ferocious, but she failed one more time. “He who laughs last, laughs best.” She stated. She threw a clod at Lexa, reaching her face. Brunette tried to get rid of it, but she failed, distributing unintentionally the mud all over her face. Costia smirked, approaching her. She was surprised that Lexa didn’t even blushed because of that humiliation. Clarke and all the people were watching this conversation without their breaths. The mud that was on Lexa’s face was covering it in the pattern that they had already seen. That was very similar to her warpaint, but way dirtier than her eyeliner fused with eyeshadows. “Your life is worth more when it’s not in your hands. You’re not worth to let you hold it in them.” She stated. “Yet you’re not allowing me to do it for you.”

“I can cope with my own life.” Lexa stated, looking Costia in the eye. “I don’t need you anymore. Get away and don’t you dare coming back, because it wouldn’t end well for you.”

Costia set her fists and she took one step forward to face Lexa. Brunette was taller than her, so Costia had to look a little up, but she didn’t seem to care at that moment. She looked Lexa in her eye, counting on her to step back, but brunette didn’t do it.

“What had you just said?” she snapped and Lexa smirked.

“That I don’t need you. And I never will again.” She stated and Costia slipped. She set her teeth and she rested for a while in one position, leaned towards Lexa, with angry sight fixed on brunette’s majestic face, even though it was covered with mud. It was covered with war and with confidence, with certainty that she was the one that was holding her fate in her hands. With certainty that Costia wasn’t the person who could deprive her of her freedom. Lexa was firm, she was self-confident, she was sure that she had won, because she had. One blast of wind snaffled her hair, making it float like a banner. Clarke’s eyes shined brightly, because she had seen the real Lexa, this Lexa she was always glad to see, this Lexa who knew where her place was, who wasn’t afraid of fighting for her life, for her rights, for herself. She resisted Costia’s sight and she was proud of that, same as Clarke and Anya were.

Costia took a half of step back and she was about to turn around and just go away, but she had an idea in that moment and she decided to just do it. She spitted Lexa right in her face. The crowd struck up, but Lexa raised her hand what effectively stopped a bunch of people of beating Costia up. Lexa had worn away Costia’s saliva while all of them was observing her ex girlfriend joining her companions and then they was out of the party.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked, immediately appearing next to Lexa.

“Yeah, I am.” Brunette stated quietly yet powerfully, rubbing down her face. Clarke glanced at her. He was looking… good. Really good.

“I had always knew that she will finally overcome this.” Anya sighed, filled with pride and Clarke smiled hearing this, ‘cause Lexa’s sister appeared behind her.

“I’m proud of her. She made it.” She smiled and Anya nodded.

“She’s Woods. She can always make it.”

“Yeah, sure.” Lexa smiled a little, but she was still pensieved, probably because of what had just happened between her and the girl she was used to love.

 

*

 

“Costia!” her voice was strong and sounded firmly into the night. She noticed that the one who she was calling, turned around.

“What?” women tried to find the speaker, but she couldn’t. It was too dark to see anything. She was pissed off, overcame with wrath, just because she felt humiliated. She spitted into Lexa’s face, because she couldn’t resist and that was one of things that pissed her off more. She slipped, she couldn’t stand Lexa’s attitude, her confidence, her change. She knew that Lexa had to be hers, she knew that Lexa would be hers again, but she had to figure out some method of bringing her back. And she was so helpless that she spitted at her ex girlfriend. And now somebody was accosting her and it was way too dark to even see who was that asshole.

“Leave her alone. She doesn’t want you in her life, and I don’t want to see you near her.”

“You’re the one that Lexa states that she’s not with, aren’t you?” Costia’s voice was suspicious, but she knew that she was right. And she didn’t even know what was Clarke’s name.

“That’s not important.” Clarke assumed, not moving just because she didn’t want to be detected. “All I want from you is to leave her alone. In other case I would think about get rid of you in other way. And believe me, I will be able to do it.”

“Don’t pretend like you’re dangerous, because you’re not…”

“I don’t want to pretend like I’m dangerous. I’m not now. But I can be when I want, and that’s not necessary to tell you everything I’ve got.”

“You’re not scaring me, you fool.” Costia snorted, but Clarke was uncompromising.

“I don’t want to. I wanted you to get away from her. After you had humiliated her with spitting in her face, I want you dead. But I’m not a murderer, so I will let you live for now. All I want is you to leave Lexa alone, because there are people who can take care of her better than you did.”

“You bitch!” Costia was pissed off. “I’ll find you!”

But Clarke wasn’t there to answer her and she knew that she would do everything to protect Lexa from Costia. And she knew that Anya would help her with it. And if not and Costia would come around again… Clarke knew exactly what she would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it, you were asking about next part. :) I hope you liked it and it didn't disappoint you, I tried to write it well. Costia is defeated, but the question is if her own pride will let her leave without saying last word. And, if not, what Clarke would do then? And, of course, what made Lexa had to face Costia? What did Costia did to her?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for staying positive after last chapter, thank you for all your kudos, comments, they are making me smile and I'm very grateful that you all are here!
> 
> Take care & until tomorrow!


	39. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning.

“You were amazing, you know?” Clarke asked, when she met Lexa next day after classes. Lexa blushed.

“Yeah, it’s nice to see you too, Clarke.” she smiled and blonde did the same.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What’s up? Everything’s all right?”

“Thanks for thinking that way.” Lexa ignored the last phrase and she answered the first. She grinned and looked at Clarke. “Have something planned?”

“Not really. If you had time, we can go somewhere together, how about that?” blonde asked and Lexa nodded with smile on her face and eyes shining bright. She was still looking like a ghost with these shadows under her eyes, but she was way more happier than she was previously.

“Why not, do you want to do something special or…?”

“We can go when I first met you, like… you know, when you told me your name. If you don’t mind, of course.” Clarke blushed and Lexa smiled.

“Yeah, sure, how about I…”

“Will you bring your guitar…?” Blonde glanced at her with hope in her eyes and brunette smiled even wider.

“I was about to ask.” She said and she winked. “Okay, come on, I’m sure that Anya’s not home yet, so we can sneak into, steal the guitar and sneak out.”

“I thought that this instrument is yours.” Clarke seemed to be surprised.

“Oh, it is, but you know, if she was home, we will be probably stopped and attacked with questions about us and our time together, so…”

“Yeah, sneaking in, stealing and sneaking out is pretty good idea now.” Clarke laughed. “Let’s go.”

 

*

 

How they decided, they did. After several minutes they were sitting on the grass inside the fenced area with place for bonfire in the middle. Lexa was attuning her guitar and Clarke was staring at her.

“What’s the matter?” brunette asked, raising her sight from above the strings and glancing Clarke in the eye above her glasses’ phrames. Blonde blushed hardly, realizing that she had been staring at Lexa for a while and totally unknowingly.

“Oh, it’s nothing…” blonde shook her head, scolding herself internally for being such an idiot. “I… I just wondered for how long have you been playing the guitar? You know, you’re really good at it, so…”

“I have been playing since I was thirteen. Anya’s parents decided to give me my first guitar when I was diagnosed with anxiety and they had thought that it might help me somehow to deal with it. And they were right. Anya’s dad… my dad had taught me how to play and I learned it quickly. When they had died… I decided to carry on with it, because I thought that this is… I don’t know, maybe that will sound stupid, but I thought that this is something that my parents would want me to do when they’re not here. And when I was playing, when I am playing… I can recall them. My dad when he was teaching me, my mom, when she had come to listen… this instrument is giving me good memories.”

“That’s great.” Clarke smiled with understanding. “But I’m curious… forgive me, but… how’s it possible that you got time for all this? You know, you’re practicing judo, you’re learning and you have great marks… that, I think, had to take a lot of time from you…”

“Yeah, it could have to, but I’m… how to say it… teachable. Like… I’m going to university and I’m on lectures, I’m doing notes and that’s enough… like, quite enough. When I have all the information I obtained during lectures it suffices when I read notes once again after the school day and before exam and it’s done for me. All I have to do. And that’s why I am called »cyborg«, I think.” Lexa smiled a little, abandoning attuning her guitar for a while. “Because I have a lot of time, ‘cause I can organize it quite well. Not many people can do it, I think.” She shrugged. “And when I have some free time, like, for example, in weekends, I practice playing. Anya likes being around when I’m doing it, sometimes she even likes singing with me, like the old times.”

“I wish I could sing with you one time.” Clarke smiled gently and Lexa laughed.

“Well, you have a chance now.” She winked, looking at blonde. “Because I can play, but I want to hear you singing.” She stated and she observed Clarke’s face that covered in red.

“But… I can’t really sing…”

“Oh, yeah, you can.” Brunette grinned. “Don’t even try to deny it. I just know.”

“Okay…” Clarke wasn’t convinced, but she agreed. “BUT, I will pick the song.”

“Of course.” Lexa let her do it and blonde chose _I’ll be there for you_ from _Friends_. Brunette nodded and she pulled out her phone to browse chords and finally she was ready. She looked at Clarke and she asked if her companion was too. Blonde nodded, all nervous, because she knew that her voice was not so great, in opposite to Lexa’s, but there was nothing to discuss.

“But you have to start.” She tried to defend, approaching Lexa to hear the guitar better. “Because…”

“So, first strophe is mine, second one is yours. Refrain is ours, how about that?” Brunette asked, because she could see that Clarke had gotten stage fright for totally no reason. Lexa smiled about this and blonde nodded, looking Lexa in the eye when she hit the strings.

 _So no one told you life was gonna be this way_ she sang and she hit the guitar box four times like clapping in the original song. _Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck on second gear… when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year, but…_  
 _I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour, I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before, I’ll be there for you, ‘cause you’re there for me too…_

Clarke had no way to go, so she joined her companion, but she was glad that she did that. She could feel the amazing warmth spilling into her stomach, going through her veins and embracing her heart which was beating steadily and strongly when she was looking at Lexa. She could sense the feelings that Lexa wanted to give her, that she really wanted to make special connection between them. Clarke thought that brunette didn’t know that this connection was already set.

_You’re still in bed at ten and work began at eight, you’ve burned your breakfast, so far things are going great, your mother warned you there’d be days like these, but she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees that…_

And they hit the chorus together. They were looking each other in the eye and both of them felt that this moment was amazing. Clarke was so happy that she could sing with Lexa, without judging her voice that she totally forgot that she assumed it hopeless.

_No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me, seems like the only one who knows what’s like to be me. Someone to face the day with, makeit through all the rest with, someone I always laugh with, even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah!_

Lexa joined Clarke on the last strophe and they ended with the chorus’ words. They both laughed when Lexa hit the strings for the last time.

“You’re great, you know?” blonde asked and brunette shook her head.

“You lied to me, your voice is amazing.” She smiled. “How dare you.”

“But I…”

“I know, I know. You don’t really like your voice, huh?” she asked, glancing boisterously at Clarke and when she obtained a nod from blonde, she nodded too. “I knew it. But I don’t like my voice either, so… let’s drop this topic. I can see something’s bothering you. And, as I’ve just sung, I’ll be there for you, so you can tell me.”

Clarke slowly shook her head, because she wasn’t so convinced if she should have asked.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Why not?” Lexa was curious and she tried to look Clarke in the eye. “Look, there’s nothing that you cannot ask about, Clarke.” she stated firmly, causing blonde to look at her. “If you would ask me about something I don’t want to talk about or about something I don’t know, I will be honest and I’ll tell you that. So, go ahead, ask me, because it will finally eat you.”

Clarke sighed and she smiled a little.

“You know… when Costia appeared I thought that you’d lied to me.” She confessed and she glanced at Lexa. She wanted to avert her gaze if she would see judgmental gaze, but Lexa nodded and she was just serious, not judging Clarke at all, so blonde decided to go on. “But then I just realized you didn’t. And… I don’t know, I’m grateful for this, but there’s no reason for me to feel like…”

“There is, Clarke.” Lexa gently interrupted her. “Because you’re important to me and, I suppose, I’m important to you.”

“Right.” blonde nodded and brunette blushed. Lexa approached a little and their knees met.

“And I roughly know where it comes. About what you want to ask me.”

“You do?” Clarke fiercely raised her head to look at Lexa and brunette nodded.

“You want to ask about Costia, don’t you?” she asked and Clarke sighed, nodding her head one more time, but she didn’t say a word. “I knew it.”

“But you don’t have to…” blonde tried to comfort Lexa, but brunette shook her head and her sight stopped Clarke for good.

“I owe you this, Clarke.” she stated, averting her gaze. “Because you stayed. Because you deserved to know.” _Because you’re the one I love_ , she thought, but didn’t say. “I met her when we were on the second year of middle school. I was in trouble because I got into a fight with one guy.”

“I thought that you’re rather calm person…” Clarke stated and Lexa smiled a little and she nodded.

“Usually I am. Duh, most of the time I am. But he was insulting my family and he had said something about my scars, I don’t really remember what was that, but he pissed me off and I exploded. Not because of me, I would stand it, but he had said something about my family and that was unacceptable, so I threw him through the corridor. I can remember that. He was flying for a while and then he hit the floor and I probably broke his nose.” Lexa grinned and Clarke chuckled.

“I'd understand, but would you mind…”

“About these scars, right?” Lexa interrupted her and Clarke nodded, with slight surprise on her face. Lexa pretended like she was reading blonde’s mind. “Yeah, I still have them, that’s why I am wearing long sleeves. I only wear tanktops or T-shirts without shirts when I’m home or when I’m wearing kimono. And, before you ask me about time when I’m dancing–” she smiled when Clarke was surprised even more, because that was something she thought about in the minute Lexa mentioned wearing kimono. “–good make up can do everything. Fake tattoos, making everything for my scars not to be visible. I’m not ashamed of them, because this is who I am and that’s my past and I know that I will never get rid of it, but I’d rather not to show them to everybody. Such an action usually causes unwanted questions and, generally, conversations.” Lexa chuckled. “But, go back to the main story, because I promised to tell you about Costia and I shunted. She was in the detention where I was put in. I was sitting there and I started doing my homework not to waste time, but I knew that my caregivers wouldn’t be happy because headmaster obliged them to come to school and pick me up. When I was doing something, I suddenly realized that somebody was staring at me. I didn’t like that, that was frightening, but I was too scared to raise my head and notice who was staring at me. So I pretended like I ignored it. I was out of my comfort zone, because in the detention there was many people and I was scared about them as fuck. I had sat in the corner, for no one to reach me, to come and to talk to me. I was sweaty, but I tried to cope with that. And then I felt like somebody was taking a seat next to me and I stiffed, because I was scared to death. She accosted me and she stated that nobody before me had been ignoring her for such a long time. She introduced herself and she talked to me for a while, but then my caregiver was there and I should have been going. I wish I have never met her.” Lexa sighed, closing her eyes and starting tenderly knocking on the guitar’s box. Clarke reached out her hand and she squeezed Lexa’s forearm to comfort her.

“If you don’t feel well to talk about this you don’t have to.” Blonde stated quietly, but Lexa opened her eyes and glanced at her with sorrow embracing her emerald orbs. She shook her head and that was quite firm move.

“I’d already said it to you, I owe you that.” she stated, but Clarke shook her head even more wildly than Lexa did.

“But today’s not the last day to pay debts, Lexa.” She stated. Brunette glanced at her and she tried to smile, but she couldn’t.

“I want to, okay?” she asked rhetorically and she sighed. “But it will never be my favourite story to tell, you know? It’s like… I don’t know, the nightmare that I had been too stupid to end and after all I was too used to it to just say »enough«. That’s why I had to face her yesterday, Clarke. But… let me tell you from the beginning. I started going out with Costia, I started to talk with her. I tried to be normal, I was meeting with my doctors, I listened to them, so I trusted her and I had told her my story. I didn’t like to, but I thought that was necessary. And I thought that she was my friend. After that she seemed to care about me, and I fell for her. I wasn’t sure if I’m into girls, but it turned out that we kissed and I liked it. And after some time I was sure that I was lesbian… that I AM lesbian. She asked me to be her girlfriend and I couldn’t say »no«, because I realized that I was in love with her. I loved her so deeply that I was frightened even when single thought about her leaving came to me. I was… I don’t know, I was so madly in love. And she seemed to be too. We were together and she was taking me to parties, she tried to make me normal, tried to show me the life I’ve always avoided. We were together until the last year in high school. Everything was just fine with us, we were for each other, supporting, helping, comforting. But I felt worse at a time, and one day it turned out that Costia was a junkie. I caught her when she was using amphetamine. She tried to explain herself that she needed it, because she was worn out and she couldn’t focus on anything, that she was out of energy most of the time. And she mentioned that she tried to cope with school, relationship, dancing with me and our group, because we were at The Grounders then, and with everything. I asked her when she started taking drugs, I was gullibly hoping that she wasn’t taking it for a long time, but I was wrong. She had always been honest to me, because she didn’t care about consequences, so she told me that she’d been using since first class of high school. I felt wasted and I was back home, trying to set this all in my mind in good order. I couldn’t, so next day I said that I don’t want to be with her anymore, because I don’t want to be with someone that has something to do with drugs. Costia begged me, she even cried, that she would rally, that she would go to the rehab, but she craved for forgiveness. So I agreed on that terms. She was on a rehab, and I was sure that she was, and I didn’t split up with her. Everything was well… for a while.” Lexa stopped and she inhaled deeply and then exhaled.

“You said The Grounders. I thought that this group is quite new… and from here.” Clarke stated, because it seemed to be quite off base.

“No, we were a group of friends. We were meeting in one place, halfway of each side, because we were from everywhere. And when we decided to go for the studies, there was only me who refused to go to the university.” Lexa stated and she started to breathe heavily.

“Everything’s all right?” Clarke asked, trying to find signs of something that might gone wrong, but she couldn’t. Brunette seemed just exhausted, but she nodded.

“Yeah, I think. That’s just… I don’t know, that’s tough to tell you that, to tell anyone about that.” she stated.

“Maybe… I don’t know, is there something I can do for you?” Clarke asked, squeezing Lexa’s arm comfortingly, but brunette shook her head once more.

“No.” she stated.

“Maybe I call for Anya?” blonde asked. “If you want to tell me so badly and it’s that hard… maybe she could help you with this?”

“It’s not a good idea.” Lexa stated firmly. “She doesn’t know about this.”

“What?” Clarke was terrified.

“Yeah, she had just scratched the surface of whole situation.” Brunette sighed. “I had never told her that. I had never told anybody about what was next.”

Clarke glanced at her with soft eyes and she reached out her hands for giving Lexa a sign that, if she wanted it, she could come and be hugged by blonde. Lexa put down her guitar and approached Clarke, letting her arms embrace her. After few minutes Lexa sighed once more and she withdrew.

“Anyway, Costia was still with me. Or, maybe it's better to say that I was still with her. She was back after a month and she told me that in her rehab centre her therapists told her that she could go meet with me. I was so happy that I could finally see her that I hadn’t even thought about controlling her. I didn’t call the center and ask about it, I just trusted her.” She stated and Clarke nodded.

“Understandable.” She said. Lexa nodded and she went back to the story.

“I was happy for… for some time.” She wondered for a while. “And then… it happened.”

Clarke didn’t want to violate Lexa’s story, so she remained silent, giving her interlocutor enough time to think about the words that had to be said. Silence provided for several minutes and then Lexa finally decided to spoke again.

“Costia invited me to her place and I came, of course. She wanted to talk about us, and it sounded quite serious, so I was a little bit frightened, but I had been telling myself that she didn’t want to split up with me. Even then I still couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. I was stupid then, but I can only see it now, then I was… blind. So… I came at her place and I sat on her couch, she sat next to me. We were talking about us, about our relationship, that we were in bad times, but then it was all good. And Costia… Costia asked me about relationship consumption. She wanted that and she expected the same from me. Like… she wanted me to became hers. I wasn’t sure so I told her that. She had said that it was okay, but she wanted to try. We were eighteen then, I was living with Anya already, I was… I don’t know, I was adult, but I wasn’t mature and I knew that. Neither was her, but we wanted to be usual teenagers, at least I wanted it. But I wanted to be with somebody that I trusted and I loved. And I trusted and loved her, but I didn’t feel ready for having sex. She insisted, she demanded it from me. I hadn’t agree and I wanted to leave, but then she caught me, she was stronger, because I was woozy because I had taken placation pills. She tied my hands so roughly that I could feel the fabric banging in my wrists, she lashed it down the wall, I screamed, but she didn’t care, she slapped me in the face, allowing me to see that she was lit and then…” Lexa interrupted with shame on her face. Clarke was startled with her words. “She took of my pants and her pants. She forced me to do her carpet munching, she did the same to me, but it was… she came quite fast and I was grateful for that, but it wasn’t enough for her. I wanted to break free, but she caught my throat and she started to... to touch my... my breasts. I… that was horrible, I tried to tell her to stop, but she was unstoppable. I couldn’t snap out of the fabric I was tied with and I started screaming. Then she slapped me once more and she gagged me. She put on her strapless strap on and she…” Lexa interrupted once more and she inhaled deeply with tears in her eyes. She was breathing heavily and Clarke wanted to comfort her, but she didn’t really know how to do it. She waited long enough for Lexa to finally spit it out. “She raped me.”

These words were like bitch slap right into Clarke’s face. Her eyes widened with fear and she glanced at Lexa with terror in her eyes. She noticed that on brunette’s cheeks appeared two shining streams of tears and she was terrified.

“Can I… hug you?” She asked, because in that moment she finally understood WHY Lexa didn’t like being touched. She was afraid of touch, she was afraid of another situation like that. Brunette shyly nodded and she fell into Clarke’s arms. She felt safe in her embrace and Clarke wanted to give her all the best she could.

“When she came for the third time I finally freed myself, because adrenaline in my veins made me more energetic.” Lexa continued quietly. “I hit her in the face and I stunned her for a while. By the time she was able to stand up and run after me, I was long gone. I put on my trousers and I ran straight home. I locked myself in my room and I pretended that I’m asleep when Anya was back. I had been avoiding her for couple of days and then it turned out that Costia disappeared. And when I opened the door when Anya asked me to, I met these two men who wanted to beat me up because of Costia’s addiction. I was furious then, because I was experiencing mood swings and they were extremely lucky that I didn’t kill them then. They scratched me a little, but they were unconscious when Anya had found us. She asked me about them and I had to tell her. I had told her that they had come for money, because Costia had debts. I told her what she did, but not everything. She had never liked her, but I couldn’t risk that she would go to Costia’s place, find her and kill her because of what she’d done. I tried to protect her and… that’s a shame, but I still loved Costia.” Lexa said, glancing at Clarke, but she didn’t find judgmental sight from blonde. Her companion was terrified and in her eyes was a lot of compassion. “Anya forced me to go to the hospital for examination, because she was afraid that they did something to me, but I was fine. Physically fine. Everybody just assumed that my depression got worse and anxiety deepened. They prescribed me stronger pills.” She finished. “And that’s all the story. That’s why I don’t like anyone to touch me… after that Anya knew that me and Costia had broken up. I refused to talk to anybody. I had already been after four suicidal attempts. Upcoming months brought next six.”

“Now it’s fine, sweetheart.” Clarke whispered, holding brunette tight. “I… I’m so, so sorry. I… I’m here for you.”

“Don’t be, now it doesn’t matter.” Lexa sighed, but Clarke shook her head.

“It DOES matter. She had hurt you. She did harm to you.”

“And I’m not with her anymore.”

“Then why had you been considering going back to her?” Clarke asked, trying to understand. She could understand all, but not this point.

“It was like Stockholm syndrome, I think.” Lexa sighed. “Firstly I thought that I still love her, but I was wrong. I was attached to her, I… I just felt that it would be right. Because if I would be with her… nobody else will have to.” She stated and Clarke shivered.

“Oh my God, Lexa…” she whispered, not knowing what to say. “I…”

“I’m sorry that I had been hiding it from you, Clarke.” she said, leaning back from blonde’s arms. “I just wanted… I don’t know.”

“But… why didn’t you call the police? Tell them…”

“Clarke, that's helpless, not making any sense. Girl who tells that was raped by another girl? That sounds like fun to watch, you know. That girls can't even have REAL sex, so… I had mates who had their parents in police. I knew what was the situation of LGBT people looking like.” Lexa shook her head and Clarke felt shattered.

“It was hard, Lexa, I know.” She sighed and Lexa nodded.

“I… when she was gone, I was feeling wasted. I felt like I had lost someone special to me. I thought I’d never get over the pain, but I did. By recognizing it for what it is. Weakness.”

“What is? Love?” Clarke asked, now understanding a little more. Lexa nodded. “I could never do that.”

“And I assumed that if I wouldn’t, the pain would never go away. I understood that the dead are gone, Clarke, and the living are hungry. That's why I…” She stated, averting her gaze and Clarke understood it too. Lexa was afraid of all relationships, because she couldn’t measure them for what they were. She was measuring them according to Costia and she assumed that it would be better for everyone if she would withdraw and cut out of everything.

“It’s not the way, Lexa.” Clarke gently made brunette look at her by catching her chin and turning her face. “You have to take love for what it really is. And you deserved love more than anybody, you know? You deserved to be with someone who admires you, who loves you and who respects you. You don’t deserve being with someone because it make another people not to be with this person.” She stated, looking Lexa in the eye. Their faces approached and Clarke’s lips were very close to Lexa’s lips. “You deserved love because you’re awesome person and your life matters. I don’t want you to be hurt, Lexa.”

“Now… Neither am I.” brunette smiled a little. “You know, sometimes there are moments when you realize how dumb you had been and…” she interrupted when their noses bumped and their eyes were chasing each other lips and orbs. They took breath simultaneously and both of them closed their eyes. Unknowingly they finally decided to take this step forward.

“Lexa, here you are!” They heard from behind them and they jumped, brushing themselves aside. “OH, FUCK, I’m sorry, guys!"

“Anya, perfect timing, as usual.” Lexa sighed. Clarke noticed that her voice was strong, loud and vibrant again. “Can I help you?”

“I was… oh, the guitar… I…” Anya was so embarrassed that she hadn’t been able to say things properly. Lexa sighed.

“So I’m assuming that you have meeting with Raven and you want this instrument. You two are meeting here?” she asked, helping her sister.

“Oh, yeah, but if you two are there… so I can…” she stuttered, but Lexa shook her head. She stood up, caught her guitar, caught Clarke’s wrist and smiled.

“No, that’s fine, we’ll go for a walk. Nice time, sis.” She stated, handing surprised Anya the guitar and she pulled Clarke out of this place.

 

*

 

“I’m so sorry for my sister.” Lexa stated when they were strolling through town. “I know she had perfect timing…” she stated, but Clarke shook her head with small smile. They were walking arm to arm and they were so close each other that blonde was wondering if she could take Lexa’s hand.

The sky was turning grey and sun was down. They decided to go to the park for looking at the stars or something.

“Don’t be, Lexa.” Blonde smiled. “She’s just… she didn’t know.”

“Ugh, I know, Clarke.” brunette smiled with abashment. “But still, she…”

“Who do we have here.” They suddenly heard male voice from behind them. Both turned around to face three men who had not augured well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we can hate Costia even more than we had already done. She's such a bitch. Anyway, I hope that you liked this one, even of Anya could screw up the moment when Clexa is finally feeling kinda ready for something. :D
> 
> Thank you for kudos and comments, feel free to leave your ideas down below, to say what you think about it. I know this is hard topic, but everybody who had ever be raped, no matter if she/he is a member of LGBT community or not, didn't deserve that. And they deserve real love more than anybody. 
> 
> Take care, people. Until Tuesday and remeber, I'm always with you, always supporting.


	40. Unfortunate meeting

“Fuck.” Lexa whispered, when she recognized these people. Clarke squinted her eyes and she recognized only one of them. And that was Quint.

“Who…?” she started, but one of men interrupted her.

“I knew that finding you couldn’t be hard.” He stated, looking at Lexa. Brunette stiffed for couple of nanoseconds, but then she spoke.

“What do you want from me?” she asked. “I thought that you’re acting like Costia wants you to. And I couldn’t see her here. Additionally, she was defeated, so what do you want?”

“I don’t like her talking.” One of Quint’s companions said and he scratched his temple. Lexa set her teeth, looking at them. She knew that this wouldn’t end well, especially when she was sure that Quint’s “friend” pointed at her when he was talking.

“You better go.” Lexa whispered to Clarke and her voice was full of plea. Clarke almost unnoticeably shook her head.

“I don’t want you to stay here with them.” She responded and brunette sighed, still looking at Quint just to be sure that he was standing still in one place.

“If we run, they will catch us and both of us end worse than you can even imagine.” Lexa was firm and her request didn’t accept any refuse. “You have to go, find safe place, call Anya. Tell her what’s going on. I’ll try to talk to them.”

“I’m not sure…”

“But I am. Look, Clarke, I know what they are capable of and I don’t want them to harm you. Please, listen to me and do what I said. I can handle it, even if you’re thinking that I don’t.” She was uncompromising and Clarke could see that very clearly. She was shattered and she hesitated.

“You’re so hot when you’re nervous, Lexa” Quint grinned awfully. “So hot that if it’s not to Costia, I’d do you right here, right now.”

Clarke’s back tensed and she was ready to attack, totally disgusted because of the way that Quint said Lexa’s name. She wanted to say something that would at least hurt him, but Lexa caught her waist and she pulled her tight to her. She knew that there were literally nothing that could hurt someone like Quint.

“Don’t even think about trying to spit him in the face.” She whispered, perfectly predicting what Clarke wanted to do. “He will kill you. Please, just go and call for help. No matter for who you would call, just do it, please. And I will stop them as long as I will be able to and I think it would be quite long period.” Clarke could sense nerves in Lexa’s voice, but there was still steel and because of that blonde had to agree, so then she nodded and she withdrew, finally disappearing into the dark street. Quint and his companions laughed.

“Even she decided to let us do what we want to do with you?” he chuckled awfully and Lexa set her teeth, not to say anything, just not to provoke any reaction. She knew that Clarke probably wanted to help her, maybe even protect her. But Lexa knew that there was nothing she could be saved from. She had to handle them, because they were there because of Costia’s coward ass. Her ex girlfriend couldn’t come herself, because she was too ashamed to even try looking Lexa in the eye. But Quint and his companions weren’t aware of that. They still had been thinking that Costia was the best of them all. “So she’s not as well trained as Costia thought she was. But that’s okay, she would not see us finally gaining our prize.”

“Fuck off of her.” Brunette set her fists and she took one step forward, hoping that Clarke didn’t see what was happening and that she was in the middle of calling to Anya or generally for some help. If not, it was more than possible that in few minutes Lexa would be beaten up and unconscious, if not dead.

“O-o-oh-oh!” Quint’s friend laughed and he grinned awfully. Lexa didn’t even look at him, because she knew what kind of grin that was. “You’re in love with her?”

“There is a great sale going on right now, Quint. For only $0.00 you can MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.” She snarled, trying not to throw herself to discussion. She couldn’t afford that they would know anything about her emotions towards Clarke. “What do you want from me?”

“What do Costia want from you.” Quint said, looking at brunette with wide smile and Lexa shivered, but that was predictable that was Costia’s thing. Lexa had predicted that and she wasn’t surprised that she was right.

“I defeated her and I don’t owe her anything. Fuck off.”

“Be polite.” Quint snapped. “In other case we will talk to you in more criminal way than we are now.”

Lexa didn’t move. She was thinking about some way out, but there was none. She had been trapped since Quint’s companion moved and took places behind her in case if she wanted to escape. She was helpless and the only thing she could do was wait for salvation that could never came. She tried to maintain steady breath not to show them how she was feeling at the time and she succeeded, but she knew that it wouldn’t last long.

“What does she want from me.” She snapped, looking angrily at her interlocutor. She was pissed off, because she wanted to just spend some time with Clarke, maybe fix the situation that Anya interrupted them in… but she couldn’t.

“As she had said yesterday, Woods. She wants you.” Quint stated with such a voice that caused shiver through Lexa’s spine. And that shiver wasn’t nice one.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

Clarke withdrew to the darkness, but she took place from where she could perfectly see Lexa and three men who was talking to her. The situation didn’t look like pleasant one and when blonde knew that they were sent by Costia and what Costia had done to her friend, she was afraid that the end of it would be tragic. Also, she was pissed off because of what Quint had said. He would »do her if it wasn’t for Costia«?! For fuck’s sake, that was more than humiliating. Clarke tried to find Anya’s phone number, she was almost sure she had it, but she couldn’t, so she picked Raven’s number and she called her. Clarke was impatiently waiting for the signal and then she was all nervous about the situation. She wanted to help, but she was also aware that her skills couldn’t be compared with Lexa’s skills.

Latina had rejected first phone call that Clarke made. Blonde decided to call her until she would pick up the damn call. She was observing what was going on. Quint made one step towards Lexa and blonde made third phone call, praying in her head for Raven to finally pick it up. She could observe that Lexa was talking with Quint and that his two companions hemmed in her friend. She panicked and she started insulting latina when she noticed that she rejected the call for the fifth time. Clarke knew that she was with Anya and they could have been making out, but that situation was urgent and she didn’t even think about stopping trying calling her.

She was panicking when she saw that Quint took one step forward and Lexa did the same, approaching him. Blonde was waiting for Raven to pick up the phone and she was begging her to finally do it.  
And she saw that Quint attacked.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“I don’t want to go back to her.” Lexa stated, trying not to be so aggressive and she succeeded, but she was perfectly sure that this state wouldn’t last long. “I’ve already told you that, I’ve told her that I’m not gonna change my mind.”

“What you think is not important. Important is what she wants.”

“So go and be with her and leave me alone.” She snapped, looking at him with wrath in her eyes. “I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH HER.”

“But you will.” He stated, looking at his interlocutor and approaching more. And when he was close enough to her, when he knew that Lexa would have trouble with running away, then he jumped at her. Lexa dodged and she rolled on the ground, trying not to hurt herself and she thought that her sister should hurry up.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

“WHAT.” She heard finally. “Why didn’t you leave me alone in situation I’m in, I don’t have neither time nor will to talk to anybody but Anya right now, I’m not picking up the calls for some reason and you cannot respect that, for fuck’s sake, what happened?!”

“Anya is with you. Great. Give her the phone.” Clarke stated and when she heard that Raven wanted to say something, she didn’t allow her. “NOW. THAT’S URGENT.”

“What’s wrong?” Anya asked when Raven gave her phone. Blonde assumed that she will cope with Raven later, when everything would be all right and when pissed off latina would be her biggest problem.

“Quint. And two men. They attacked her, she wanted me to call you…”

“Where are you.” Clarke heard and she thought for a while, then she described the place she was in. Anya stated that it’s okay and that they will be there in couple of minutes. “Don’t move out from there.”

“But…”

“She could cope with this. We will be there as soon as we could, but try not to make things worse. Lexa know what she’s doing. She’s tough, she would withstand it. Trust me, we’re on our way. She’ll be fine.”

And then she just hung up. Clarke shivered, looking at the screen.

Better hurry up your asses. She thought, moving her sight to Lexa who was fighting with three men who was bigger, taller and heavier than she was. Clarke was frightened when Quint hit Lexa and it made brunette almost fly for several meters. Blonde saw Lexa hitting the ground and she covered her mouth with her hand, begging the providence to take care of her and counting on that Lexa was conscious and ready to fight back.

 

*

  
**LEXA**

She fell to the ground hit by Quint, but she knew that it would probably end this way. She was grateful that she was training judo and at very firsts lessons she was taught how to fall. When one of Quint’s companions wanted to catch her, she caught his arm and she made him fell. The force was so big that he hit the ground with such acceleration that he had lost his consciousness. Lexa jumped above him and she attacked another one of Quint’s friends. She hit him in the face, but he was tough and resistant enough not to even feel it the way Lexa wanted him to. He had not hesitated and he reached her face with his fist. She felt pain, she doddered, but she dodged for the next hit, tasting her own blood in her mouth. She didn’t even care about her probably ripped lip, because she had worse things on her mind than blood in her mouth.

Fighting with men was hard for her, especially when she knew that their force was brutal and they had never fought fair. She knew that if Costia told them that she wanted them to catch Lexa and deliver her to Costia’s bed, they would do it no matter what. And that was up to her if she would let them do it.

She dodged once again, trying not to let them touch her. She hated when somebody was touching her without her permission and she was sure that if she let them catch her, she would be lost as fuck, just because before they would give her to Costia, they would probably make a little fun for them and Quint’s terrible words would became truth. She didn’t want that and she was sure that she wouldn’t let Clarke see it, in case if blonde was watching.

Lexa jumped behind Quint and she caught his throat blocking it in her elbow’s bend, but everything she wanted to do next was only a prey, because it was more than predictable that she couldn’t manage, just because Quint was too big and too strong for her. But, at least, she wanted to try doing something.  
Her opponent caught her arm and he bowed, throwing her above his head. Lexa hit the ground with her back and she saw nothing but black screen for a while. She could feel the pain in her spine and she couldn’t move for several seconds. That was enough for Quint and his other conscious friend to be next to her. They started kicking her, because they knew that the weaker she got, the more eagerly she would go with them to meet Costia. Only one thing she knew for sure was that they would not kill her. Costia would.

She couldn’t do anything, because every time she wanted to stand up, next hit was coming. They kicked and beat her with their fists. She fell to the ground, with her teeth set and she begged for her sister to come. The only thing that she could do for this moment was to protect her head at all costs, so she wrapped it with her hands, risking them to be broken because of hits they was receiving.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

“Where is she?” Anya was frightened. No greeting, no complaining about interrupting them in something, she was concerned about her sister. Clarke showed her the direction.

“She didn’t want me to help…”

“You did what we told you to.” Anya nodded and she pointed the situation. “We’re here now, let’s go, don’t waste time.”

Anya ran towards Quint and his companion, so did Clarke with Raven. Clarke didn’t understand why she had to wait for them, why wasn’t she let to help Lexa, but that didn’t matter that time when they reached brunette and her aggressor.

“Leave her alone!” Anya shouted and she attacked Quint. “Rav, call the police and ambulance, now!” she stated, when she pulled out one can with pepper gas, she unblocked it and used right in Quint’s face. “Clarke, take care of Lexa!”

Blonde reached innocent victim of this situation and she tried to get to know what was with her. She didn’t even think about Anya who was using gas on the second one and who was fighting with Lexa’s opponents. She tried to help Lexa.

“Lexa, can you hear me?” she asked, trying not to harm her more than she had already been. Brunette didn’t answer, so Clarke tried once again. “Lexa?”

No response, so she put her ear above Lexa’s lips and she tried to hear if brunette was breathing. She noticed that Lexa’s shoulder was out of the joint.

“What’s with her?” Raven asked, kneeling on the other side of Lexa, vis-à-vis Clarke.

“She’s not breathing.” Clarke answered. And the time just stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is that I'm sorry for that.
> 
> Thank you for all that kudos and comments you've left, feel free to leave more and let me know what you think of this one. Also, I hope you liked it. ;)
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	41. DO SOMETHING!

“What?” Raven leaned towards Lexa’s lips and she was frightened. “Fuck, we have to do something.”

“Don’t you say.” Clarke turned sarcastic for a while, but then she rolled her sleeves and she put her intertwined hands on Lexa’s chest. She started pushing her chest, counting to thirty and, when she finally reached the number, she let Raven do two breaths. Latina made them, covering brunette’s bruised face for couple of seconds and then Clarke started pushing once again. “You can’t do this to me, Lexa.” She stated, trying to see anything through the tears that started filling her eyes. They were dropping on Lexa’s shirt, all dirty because of hits and the ground she was rolling on. Clarke couldn’t imagine that Lexa was gone, she wanted to believe that she would be fine. “I need you, for fuck’s sake. I love you!” blonde pushed thirtieth time and Raven leaned for two breaths of life. She rested above Lexa’s ears for seconds and she shook her head, so Clarke started pushing once again.

They could heard sound of Anya’s fighting with Quint and his companion attacked by pepper gas. Lexa’s sister tried to knock them down before the police and ambulance would arrive and she coped with that really good, even if Quint still wanted to fight with her without his sight.

“You… can’t… leave… me… Lexa.” Clarke stuttered, and after every word came one push. They heard a crack and Clarke stiffed for a while, but Raven was cold-minded and she knew Clarke way to well, not to know what blonde would probably think of this sound they heard.

“Don’t stop!” she shouted and Clarke listened to her almost unknowingly.

“But I probably broke…”

“Good reanimation contains broken ribs. Believe me, if she would be alive again, she would thank you for breaking her ribs and returning her breath.” Raven stated, and Clarke nodded, but latina’s words hit her badly. She said »if« instead of »when«. Blonde was counting and she counted to thirty once again.

Raven did two breaths and they could finally see that Lexa caught her breath on her own. Clarke let tears fell down her cheeks and Raven squeezed with exhausted joy. They moved Lexa to safe position and Clarke couldn’t look at her bruised and bloody face, because she wanted so badly to just kill Quint, his friends and, of course, Costia.

“How’s she?” Anya said, but it wasn’t so easy, because she was holding Quint in position that he couldn’t do any harm to anybody, but he was thrashing around and there was high possibility that she wouldn’t be doing it for a long time.

“We have her here again.” Clarke stated with cracking voice. “She’s back.”

“Ambulance’s on the way, they should be here soon.” Raven said, looking at Quint and her girlfriend. She stood up, caught one hell of a stick from the roadside and she hit him in his head, stunning him. Anya gratefully let him go and his unconscious body hit the ground with crack of the small stones on it.

“God, she’s looking terrible.” Anya groaned. “I hope that they didn’t do her anything very serious.”

“I broke her rib probably.” Clarke confessed, but Anya shook her head.

“I won’t blame you. She’s breathing right now.” She stated, standing up and looking for ambulance’s lights, because they heard the sound of it. Police was following.

“Lexa, please, hold on.” Clarke carefully touched brunette’s cheek, wiping out her own tears. She tried to be calm, but seeing blood everywhere over Lexa’s face was frightening for her. “Everything will be good, you’re safe now.”

“Over here!” Raven shouted and three paramedics approached to Clarke and Lexa. They asked for some space and Clarke stood up and did some steps back. Raven joined her and Anya did the same when police officer approached them.

“What happened here?” he asked and that was Anya who spoke, because Clarke’s throat was unable to let her speak anything. Raven was quiet as well.

“They attacked my sister.” Elder Woods’ sister pointed three men lying on the ground. “I’m sorry, but… can we go to the hospital with her? I want to know that everything’s okay with her and then… I will say everything… we will say everything we know, please.” She stated and police officer nodded. He asked his companions for help with moving Quint and his companions and then, when Lexa’s opponents were in police car, when he knew which hospital Lexa would be driven to, he was back.

“We would send there our officer, ladies, please, be there.”

“It’s sure that we will.” Anya nodded.  
Police car and ambulance made their way, so did Clarke, Anya and Raven.

 

* 

 

“So, what happened there?” young police officer, a woman, asked them when they were finally in the hospital. Lexa was on the ED and they had some time to talk.

“I… I was with her all the time.” Clarke decided to spoke and she took one step forward. Police officer who had »Ryder« embroidered on her patch, nodded and she encouraged Clarke to continue with gentle smile on her face. Blonde thought for a while and then she decided to tell everything. “We were on the walk. You know, talking and just wandering without any purpose. And then they just took us.”

“You know them?” Ryder was taking notes and then she raised her head and glanced at Clarke.

“Not really.” She stated. “I only met one of them before, Quint, but I don’t really know him. I know that he was… is Costia’s friend and that’s all.”

“Costia? Who’s Costia?”

“Maybe I would say something about it, miss.” Anya stepped forward and she looked at police officer with confidence. Woman nodded and let Anya speak. “Costia Knight was Lexa’s girlfriend.” She stated and, when she noticed that miss Ryder didn’t understand, she continued: “Lexa is my sister, this one on ED now. They were together, but my sister broke with her because of the drugs issues that Costia had. After that Costia started to persecute my sister. Everything started when they had met at handball university match, they were playing against each other. My sister’s team had won and Costia tried to go back to Lexa, but she was rejected and she was stalking my sister with messages, phone calls, et cetera. My sister firmly said »no« to Costia and after another match Costia appeared on the party after when Lexa’s team was celebrating victory. She wanted her back and she was with her friends: Quint, Atom, Athol, Delano, Fio and Gideon. She challenged my sister and she had failed so Lexa told her that she should go and never be back in her life anymore. Costia was pissed off, but we didn’t think about that she would do something like that…”

“Something like what?” miss Ryder was skeptical.

“She made them attack my sister.” Anya’s voice was firm, she was sure that it was Costia’s fault.

“You’re sure, miss Woods?”

“I’ve heard that Quint said that if it wasn’t for Costia, he would do Lexa right there, in that moment.” Clarke cut in and officer glanced at her. “I was there when he insulted her like this, but then Lexa begged me to stay away and to call for help, Anya or somebody who might help. And I did it.”

“You called miss Wood’s sister?”

“No, she called me.” Raven finally spoke, but she blushed. “But I rejected the first several calls, because I was busy with Anya and… that’s my fault that this ended this way.” She lowered her head. “When I finally picked up and we got where Clarke and Lexa were, Lexa was already on the ground.”

“Anyway, after we had finally arrived to meet Clarke, I used my pepper gas on Quint and Atom, because these two were conscious and they were still beating up my sister. Gideon was lying on the ground without consciousness, I think my sister stunned him.” Anya supplemented Raven’s part, not even trying to hide that she was proud of her sister’s attitude towards aggressors. “And I made Raven call for you and for ambulance while Clarke was checking on Lexa. And when Raven joined her, they started reanimating my sister, because she had lost her breath.”

“What had you been doing then?” miss Ryder glanced at Anya, trying to understand why Lexa’s sister didn’t help with her.

“Quint was blinded because of gas but he still wanted to fight. He was thrashing around so I tried to stop and block him for Clarke and Raven do what they had to.”

“And when Lexa’s breath was back, I stunned him that Anya could come to us.” Raven ended the story.

“Okay. I think that we know everything now. We have to interrogate the aggressors and for now… that’s all, because I know that miss Woods is still unconscious.”

“I don’t know if Costia is in your files, miss…” Anya started, thinking for a while. “She was in rehab center for several months some time ago, but she either desponded or escaped from there. I don’t know if she isn’t dangerous, but I’m afraid that when Lexa get better, she will be back. She made my sister more depressed than she was because of the situation she put her in, so… I don’t know if there’s anything you can do with it, but…”

“You can be sure that we will do everything that we can to make sure that your sister is safe, miss Woods.” Officer Ryder nodded her head with comforting smile on her face. “If there’s anything that miss Knight had to do with this battery, we will figure that out and there will be consequences for her and her friends who did this. And I’m sorry for your sister.”

“Thank you.” Anya nodded with gratitude, but she didn’t smile. “If there is anything I will be able to do for you or this investigation, please, tell me.” She stated and Clarke nodded.

“Me too.” She confirmed. Officer Ryder nodded her head and she flicked through her notes.

“In this moment, there’s nothing you can do. We would take care of this men who had beaten your sister, if we need anything, we will contact you. And, for sure, we would talk to Lexa when she would be capable of speaking. For now all I could say is… good luck.” She smiled and she got out of hospital.

“You think that anything will be okay?” Clarke sighed and Anya thought for a while.

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “But at least Lexa is alive, thanks to you two.” She hugged both, Raven and Clarke. “Come, we should find a doctor and ask about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, she's alive for now. I think that it's not so bad, huh?
> 
> Anyway, thanks to all of you for staying here, reading it and leaving kudos and comments! Let me know what you think about this one!
> 
> Take care and until Tuesday! :)


	42. Moment away from death

“I’m sorry, miss Woods, but now that’s impossible to see your sister. Please, wait here.” Doctor was kind, but what he had said didn’t prognosticate anything good. All three women sat on the plastic chairs in the waiting room and they didn’t say a word.  
It was Raven who broke the silence after a while.

“I’m… I’m so sorry, guys.” She stated and both, Clarke and Anya, raised their heads to look at her. Clarke’s intertwined fingers clenched stronger on her hands’ skin, but she didn’t blame her friend. Anya shook her head.

“That’s not your fault.” Lexa’s sister said what was on blonde’s mind, but she couldn’t say that.

“But… I was rejecting the calls, if I had picked it earlier…!” latina covered her face with her hands, but Clarke squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

“There’s nothing you can do with it now.” Blonde stated gently. “We should have hope that everything will be fine.”

“Everything IS fine.” Anya stated so firmly that both, Clarke and Raven, were surprised. “It has to be.”

Clarke glanced at Anya and she could see that Lexa’s sister was nervous, she was also exhausted, but that was understandable. She had not any signs of bruises or scratches, so Clarke assumed that she was really good fighter. Anya’s eyesight was focused on nothing and she was pensieved. Raven hugged her, trying to comfort her and blonde was left alone for a while. She thought about what happened and she finally realized why Lexa didn’t allow her to help then. She knew that blonde wouldn’t cope with them, because brunette herself wasn’t able to defeat them so she needed Clarke to call for someone and if she hadn’t been conscious, she could not have done that.

She covered her face in her hands and she was praying for Lexa to get better. She wanted to help, but there was nothing to do there, she couldn’t do anything for Lexa, all she could was sit there, on this fucking plastic chair and trying not to project the worst scenario that could happen. She didn’t want to even think about what could have happened if her friends wouldn’t come on time. If she had not succeeded in resuscitation… she shook her head, trying not to sigh too loudly.

“Clarke, everything’s okay?” she heard Anya’s voice and when she decided to look at her, she noticed that Raven’s face was turned to her too. Blonde shrugged and she sighed one more time.

“I… I don’t want to just sit there and watch her die…” she sniffed, sensing the tears filling her eyes. “I saw her breathless, I tried to help her, but now… I’m helpless…”

“Clarke, listen. I’m trying to understand what you’re feeling right now, but… sweetheart, nobody’s dying here, you hear me? I know, you’re driven to fix everything for everyone, but you can’t fix this. She has to do this on her own and you have to let her. She’s strong, she’s stubborn. She can make it.” Anya’s voice was firm and Clarke felt a little better, but she cannot get rid of the disturbing thought that Lexa might have died there after this fight.

She couldn’t think of anything else, just because she glanced in the direction of enter and she noticed two very familiar people. Lincoln and Octavia.

“Hey, Raven called us, what happened?” O. asked when she approached Clarke and the rest of her companions.

“Quint, Gideon and Atom attacked her and they beat her up.” Anya sighed after nodding instead of saying »hello«. “She barely made it.”

Raven told them all the story and both, Lincoln and Octavia were shocked because of what they had just heard.

“Are you kidding?” Lincoln asked, trying to understand properly. “You want to tell us that Costia, this strange girl from the party sent these men just to beat Lexa up?”

“Not exactly.” Clarke cut in, but Raven let her to. “She wanted Lexa back. She wanted her back in her bed, but Lexa didn’t want it, so they had to take care of it and make sure that she would come with them without any resistance.” She stated, perfectly remembering the moment when Lexa told her about what Costia had done to her. She thought that she should say something about Costia’s crime to police in Polis, maybe they would be able to do something with it. And maybe Costia would be punished properly for all she had done.

“So she used her fellows?” Lincoln pressed. “Couldn’t she…”

“Lexa didn’t want to talk to her anymore.” Anya interrupted him. “She didn’t want to know her anymore and Costia was stalking her. She perfectly knew that Lexa wouldn’t want to interact with her, so she decided to use force to just get what she wanted. And it ends like that.”

“I’m so sorry…” Octavia was so shocked that she couldn’t say anything else for a while. “But… how’s she?”

“We don’t really know.” Raven shrugged with resignation. “She’s still on ED, we don’t know shit about what’s happening there. Thanks to Clarke she was breathing when the ambulance came. But now…”

"You helped her too." Clarke cut in and latina blushed.

“Did you speak with the police?” O. glanced at her friends and all three nodded at the same time. “And what?”

“They would take care of aggressors. I told them about Costia, so maybe she would be interrogated too. But for now there’s nothing else we can do.” Anya stated and Lincoln nodded.

“Can we do something for you?” he asked and Clarke shook her head. Anya glanced at Raven and she sighed.

“Please, take care of Raven.” She stated and latina raised her head, looking at Anya without understanding. “Don’t get me wrong, sweetie, but when you’re here you’re still blaming yourself for what had happened and that’s not your fault. Can you, guys, take care of her? Take her home, just be for a while with her?”

“No problem. Rae, come on. This ambiance is not good for you. Let’s talk.” Octavia reached out her hand and Raven was sad, but she nodded eventually and she decided to go with Lincoln and Octavia. “What are you blaming yourself for?” Octavia asked when she and Raven sat on the backseat of Lincoln’s Jeep and he was about to drive them home.

“I… Clarke was calling to me, but I was with Anya and I was rejecting these calls. And after fourth time, when I saw that she’s still calling me, I decided to pick it up and I snapped at her; I was mad just because she was interrupting us, but then…” she hid her face in her hands. “If I picked it up earlier, maybe Lexa would be in better condition now…”

“There’s nothing you can do now with it, Rae.” Octavia hugged her friend tightly when Lincoln was driving and, from time to time, looking in the rearview mirror just to check on women he had in his car. “You have to calm down, everything will be all right. Lexa is safe, doctors will take care of her. She will be fine, she’s alive. Clarke and Anya are there, waiting for some news, they won’t allow anybody to hurt Lexa. It’s not your fault, you hear me?”

“Yeah.” Raven sighed. “But… but still, I can’t…”

“Lincoln, drive us to our place.” Octavia said, when she hugged her friend once again. “She shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

And Lincoln, with slight nod, turned off and he started driving to his cabin in the woods.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

“Hey, you’re all right?” Anya asked when Raven and the rest was gone.

“I think so…” Clarke sighed, but she couldn’t focus on anything. She was exhausted, but she had to be strong this time, just because the doctor could appear anytime and he, or she, could possibly have some information about Lexa’s condition. And she had to be ready for all kind of news.

“You don’t seem like it.” Elder woman stated sincerely, not even bothering about how it would sound. She was worried about her sister and she had to talk about it. Or about something else, she didn’t care, just because she didn’t know shit about what was happening with Lexa.

“I’m worried about her.” Blonde pointed the ED door with her chin. “I don’t know if I did the reanimation properly, so I can’t tell if she had broken ribs or not. I only hope that she would be fine and that I didn’t break her anything on the inside of her body.”

“Even if you did something like that… believe me, better damage her with rescuing her life than do nothing and let her die.”

“I would never let her die.” Clarke’s voice was firm and strong that Anya glanced at her with small smile on her face.

“You really like her, huh?” she asked. “I didn’t know what was between you two, but it seems to be kinda… serious.” She smiled.

“I don’t like her, Anya.” Clarke sighed, looking at Lexa’s sister with resignation. She thought that she should tell it to Anya, especially when she had already said it to Lexa. Even if brunette was unconscious then. Elder one seemed surprised, but when Clarke said what she wanted to say, her facial expression had less tension than it had before. “I love her.”

“How can you tell?” That question was rhetorical, but Anya had to ask it, just to hear the answer that she expected.

“I don’t really know.” Clarke sighed once more. “You know, I didn’t know what I was feeling for her until that moment. I thought that it was… I don’t even know how to name it. I liked spending time with her, I liked being with her, talking or not, just being, spending our time together, doing something or doing nothing. And then… when I had to help her regain her breath… I realized that I couldn’t fail, because I love her. That I can’t imagine life without her. That there would be nothing when she wouldn’t be there. I know that maybe she’s not ready for relationship, but I can… I can wait for her. As long as I have to, but I will.” Clarke wiped out her tears. “I realized that I want her in my life. That I can’t just let her go, I need her. That she’s the one.”

“I’m glad that you’ve finally realized it.” Anya smiled, nodding her head, lost in thoughts. “Take your time. I think that Lexa doesn’t really know if she should be with someone or not, just because she just needs assurance that this one she would be with this time would not leave her the same way as Costia did. My sister had taken a lot from her life, but she doesn’t want to pretend like a victim. She needs a life she could only dream of, so she’s trying to gain it, take it for what it is. Sometimes she’s just not ready for what it can bring, but… I don’t really know what I wanted to say, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be.” Clarke smiled, nodding. “I know what you wanted to say, Anya. Lexa’s special. She’s strong and she knows what she wants. I know that she was hurt a lot, but I’ll try to make her life better. I’ll try to show her that life is more than a chain of failures. She doesn’t really believe in herself, but I’ll try to change it. I love her, I don’t want to leave her. And if I could, I would kill Costia immediately, but then, when it came to this fight during the party… I just couldn’t move.”

“Nobody could.” Anya shook her head, looking at Clarke. “I know how this couple can influence the crowd when they had chemistry between them, and, whether we like it or not, they had it. Since they had broken up, they had not really great emotions between them, but these emotions are still mesmerizing. Crowd is just standing and watching them, nobody can move. Lexa can make the crowd silent, Costia can make it loud. They can do everything with the group of random people, so… that was nothing you could do, nothing that I could have done.”

“I had an impression that I am watching two lionesses’ hunting beginning. I was… I was amazed because of that clash, they were amazing, but Lexa was the alpha then.” Clarke blushed a little when she recalled the image of Costia and Lexa on the party after victory with Eagles.

“Right, but I’ll tell you something. She was always withdrawn, but that doesn’t mean that she’s not dominant. Lexa is pretty good leader if she’s in good mood to open up, when she decides to be around people. She’s the alpha always, but sometimes she’s not showing it, you know? Like… she’s like skulked tiger, she’s waiting for opportunity to make things better. And when she can see it, she jumps. She’s the alpha, but she prefers to reign from hideout.”

“I’m glad that I could observe every face she has then.” Clarke smiled and Anya laughed, but her laugh was exhausted.

“Yeah, we could say that.” She nodded. “My sister is very interesting, but people usually don’t see it just because she’s withdrawn, you know? There are few who actually wanted to get to know her. And you’re the most special of them.”

“So, I’m the lucky one that there weren’t a lot of people.” Clarke smirked. “And what do you mean by »the most special«?”

“She allows you to be close to her. That doesn’t happen often.” Anya smiled.

“Miss Woods?” The doctor interrupted their conversation and both of women stood up. Med glanced with surprise at them, but he said: “She’s stable. You can see her. But she’s still unconscious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's a little bit shorter chapter, more like filler or something which I am sorry of. I couldn't write anything what would be better than this, because of writer's block, I had to finally say goodbye to one toxic friend, but I saw the toxicity of this relation too late and I had a lot of work for my studies and all I could do was sitting and staring at my Lexa tattoo and thinking what she would do, but I wrote it for you guys, so I hope that it's not so horrible as I think it is.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your kudos and comments that you've left! That's great and I'm glad you're here! Tell me what you think about that, feel free to give me ideas. :)
> 
> You're the best readers ever! Take care and until Friday!


	43. The Awakening

When they entered the sterile room Clarke felt a little bit overwhelmed because of all she had seen. Lexa was lying in bed, all in white, her face was peaceful and she had oxygen mask on her mouth and nose. There were cuts and bruises all over her face. Blonde approached a bit, trying not to do too much noise. She felt bad because of what she’d seen, but she also knew that it wasn’t her fault.

“How’s she?” she heard Anya’s voice asking doctor about brunette’s condition.

“As I said, she’s stable, miss Woods.” He answered, but Clarke didn’t even think about turning around and looking at him. She did two steps to approach Lexa’s bed, but she was still listening, craving internally for some good news. “We’ve been close to losing her again, because her heart couldn’t pump up enough blood, she’s got some issues with it, but we stabilized her and she’s fine for now.”  
Blonde glanced at Lexa and she noticed ripped lower lip, ripped eyebrow with two or three stitches and bruised cheekbones, her left hand on the sling. She also had black eye, but she seemed to be safe and quite well at the moment.

“Anything else? Something serious?” Clarke’s voice disturbed the silence that descended, hoping that answer for her question would be negative.

“Not really, she had a lot of luck.” He stated. “Her ribs are battered, fortunately not broken. One of them is just split, but that’s nothing serious.” In this moment Clarke blushed a little, because she exactly knew why Lexa had split rib and she knew that it was because of her actions. Anya squeezed her shoulder and this silently told her that it’s nothing bad to damage someone’s bones while saving her life. Meanwhile the doctor was continuing: “No inner bleeding, all her teeth are in their places, not even breached. She’s generally beat-up, but we had not seen any signs of concussion after RTG and other examination, so… we have to wait for her to wake up.”

“Is there any possibility that you’ve… missed something?” Clarke couldn’t calm down. She was looking at Lexa’s unconscious, vulnerable body, with PVC in her right hand, allowing the drip to cure her with something that doctor had prescribed. Blonde approached Lexa’s bed and sat next to it on the chair. If she would have glanced at Anya, she would see that Lexa’s sister’s sight was happy, because she hadn’t to bear the weight of that situation all alone.

“There is always a possibility.” Doctor sighed, but his gaze was more comforting than disturbing. “But we are rather positive about her. It could’ve been worse, but, fortunately, it’s not. And now I have to excuse you, but I have to go. Take your time with her, I hope that she will be awake quickly.” He stated and he left, leaving Clarke and Anya in almost empty room filled with steady beeping of heart monitor.

“Please, Lexa, hold on.” Clarke whispered with tears filling her eyes, carefully taking brunette’s hand. She scanned Lexa’s forehead, when she had another stitched wound and blonde silently thanked god for her friend’s abilities to defend herself. If Lexa had not covered her head with her arms, she would probably be in worse condition than she actually was. Clarke glanced at Lexa’s bruised arms and she was really surprised that brunette’s bones were so tough that even Quint with his companions couldn’t break them.

“She will be fine.” Anya sighed, looking at her sister and Clarke with soft eyes. “You saved her. She has to be.”

“The fact that I have helped her doesn’t mean that I succeeded in saving her life. After regaining her breath is all up to her, she has to fight…”

“She’s strong, Clarke.” Anya smiled tenderly, squeezing comfortingly blonde’s shoulder, glancing at Clarke’s hand holding Lexa’s hand. “And she has somebody to fight for.”

“You think?” blonde asked with hope in her voice and brunette’s sister smiled wider.

“I know it.” She nodded, taking a seat on the opposite side of Lexa’s bed.

A great silent descended between them, Clarke was impatiently observing the heart monitor, praying to something greater that existed not to change the beeping. Anya was pensieved and after a few hours they were both asleep in nervous sleep, ready to wake up anytime if something would be wrong.

 

*

 

They had been awaken for some time, but they didn’t say a word to each other. Clarke tried to check on Lexa if she was okay and Anya tried to realize where was she and why. When she finally did it, she glanced at Clarke and she blushed a little, deciding to break the silence.

“I… I’ll go get coffee, would you like some?”

“I’ll be grateful.” Clarke nodded, looking at Lexa’s sister and Anya went out, leaving Clarke alone with Lexa for a while. Blonde was standing still, not moving. She didn’t want to make any noise.

“Please, don’t leave me…” she whispered, looking at Lexa with tears in corners of her eyes. “I love you... I really need you.”

There was no answer instead of beeping of the heart monitor Lexa was connected with.

“Hey… everything’s all right?” blonde heard Anya’s voice from behind. She wiped out her tears and she turned to Anya.

“Yeah, I… I think so.” She stated. “Thank you.” She nodded, receiving the cup of coffee from Lexa's sister.

“Clarke… I should have been doing it in other circumstances, but… I’m sorry. That, you know… that I had interrupted you then. I… I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know that you were there.” Elder one stated, taking a seat opposite to Clarke’s.

“I know.” Blonde also blushed, fixing her eyes on her hand intertwined with Lexa’s hand. “But that’s okay, I don’t blame you, nothing happened.”

“Exactly.” Lexa’s sister sighed. “She was probably… near kissing you, letting you closer, but… I screwed it up and she will be, probably, a little bit withdrawn just because I’ve interrupted you and I flushed her out.”

“Oh, come on, you had heard what I said. I can wait for her as long as I would have to.”

“First of all we have to wait for her to wake up. It’s been…–“ she glanced at her watch. “–twenty eighth hour… so she wakes up and then we will be able of thinking about anything else. But how long it takes to wake up…”

“It takes… as long… as it takes, sis.” They heard hoarse, a little weak voice coming out of Lexa’s throat. Her eyes now were open, she glanced at Anya and then at Clarke. “Clarke… you… you’re he-here…”

“Of course, I’m here, Lex.” She smiled, trying not to let the tears fill her eyes. “How could I not to.”

“How are you, fighter?” Anya’s voice was relieved, so was Clarke’s mind and soul. Lexa smiled weakly and with pain when she tried to move a little, but it was still the smile that Clarke loved the most.  
“A little bit in pain, but that’s nothing I can’t live with.” She winked. “How… how are you? W-what happened?”

“Miss Woods, I’m glad you’re awake.” The doctor was in the room as if he had some sort of radar.

“Not so bad, sir.” Lexa’s voice was getting stronger as the time was passing by. “When will I be able to go to school again?” she asked, but Anya perfectly knew that it wasn’t really a reason.

“Hey, not so fast. You’ve had a lot of luck, but we would like to keep you here for two or three days more to just make sure that we didn’t miss anything.” He smiled and Lexa tried to nod, but Clarke caught gently her shoulders making her not to move. “And, of course, there will be police officer who would like to talk to you about this accident.”

“Understood.” Brunette nodded.

“But, anyway, how are you feeling, again?”

“Quite good, sir. No dizzy. No nausea. I’m fine.” Lexa smiled weakly. “Maybe I’m not in my full display today, but I’m good.”

“Great. Then I have to ask you if you’re strong enough…”

“Yes, but… please, give me some time with them and then I will be able to talk with police officer.”

“You should rest as much as it’s possible.” Doctor wasn’t really happy, but he had seen her puppy eyes.

“I’m resting now. With them I’m feeling safer. Please.”

“Okay, but not long.” He sighed eventually. “I’ll tell the police that you’re awake.” And he left.

“How long had I been unconscious?” brunette asked and Clarke exchanged her gaze with Anya.

“Several hours.” Elder one said. “To be specific, twenty eight. But that situation was quite hot. They had beaten you up so badly that…”

“We’ve lost you… we’ve lost you for a while.” Clarke stuttered with a quiet voice. “I was afraid that… that… you would… you would…”

“Shh…” Lexa comforted her, squeezing gently blonde’s hand. “No one is dying here.” She repeated what Anya had said before. “I was way too tough for them to touch me as they wanted to.”

“They could have killed you…” Clarke glanced Lexa in her emerald eyes, but brunette smiled a little, she raised her hand and she put down her oxygen mask with sigh leaving her lips.

“They couldn’t kill me.” She stated firmly and blonde and Anya were surprised.

“What?”

“They had to capture me and deliver to Costia. Then it would be up to her what would be with me. These men were just for making me more eager to come with them The only person that would finally kill me because of my resistance would be Costia.” She stated sadly. “But I won’t let her.”

“I hope so.” Anya smirked. “But how can you tell that she…”

“Quint told me, when I was down that Costia wanted revenge. That I gave her hope and then I broke her heart again.”

“AGAIN?” Anya stood up with fury in her eyes. “AGAIN!? YOU’VE NEVER BROKEN HER HEART, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

“Calm down, An…” Lexa tried to shush her sister, but she couldn’t keep calm. She stated that she need a walk and she was out of the room, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone.

“Lexa… I thought that… maybe it’s not the right time to say it, but… but I think that maybe you should consider saying something about what Costia had done to you.” Blonde stated, carefully observing what would be Lexa’s reaction. All she could hear was heart monitor’s beeping faster.

“That would prove nothing, Clarke.” brunette finally said. “There is no proof of her doing it to me. No genetic material, no fingerprints. She did it and she was satisfied with it, she would be telling everybody that I was eager to do it and that it was great night between us and then something had gone wrong that we split up. It had happened and then everybody forgot about it.”

“You haven’t.” Clarke sighed, glancing at Lexa with pain in her eyes. “It would be haunting you…”

“Clarke, please.” Lexa shook her head gently, squeezing blonde’s hand. “I don’t want to remember this. Costia’s out of my life. I’m alive, here with you… please, I don’t want to talk about her. Please, don’t make me regret that I’ve confessed it to you.”

“I understand.” Clarke nodded with sad smile. “I’m glad that you’re here again. I thought that… that I’ve lost you.” Blonde stated and Lexa smiled a little. She thought for a while, but she didn’t know what else should she tell her. Like… she was finally there, alive, seemed quite well… she wanted to tell brunette how important to her she was, but she couldn’t. Happiness, that Lexa was fine, totally made her words stuck in her throat.

“Good morning, may I come in?” they heard eventually a voice of police officer that Clarke recognized. It was officer Ryder, the same person that she was talking to last time.

“Good morning, miss.” Clarke nodded and Lexa did the same.

“Of course, please.” Brunette stated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's one question haunting me. Would Lexa tell the police officer about Costia's crime? 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for being here, for reading, for kudos and comments that you've left! Feel free to leave more, I would be glad!
> 
> Take care and until Tuesday!


	44. Statement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, just in case.

Clarke wanted to stand up and leave women alone, but Lexa caught her wrist and looked at her with plea. “Please, stay with me… if you want it, of course.” She whispered and blonde nodded with her heart lighter with a burden of uncertainty of this situation.

“Miss Woods, I would like to ask you a few questions, would you mind?” officer Ryder glanced at Lexa and brunette tried to get comfortable in her bed. Clarke helped her carefully to sit and Lexa nodded towards her with gratitude in her emerald eyes. She caught her injured arm and she smiled a little.

“Not at all.” She stated. “Please, let’s begin.”

“So, what happened? Of course, to the point that you remember.” Woman prepared her notebook and she was ready to listen to Lexa.

“I was spending time with Clarke then.” She began and officer Ryder nodded. “We were walking, without any purpose, and then we were surprised by Quint, Atom and Gideon, Costia’s friends or, let’s be specific, minions. I asked Clarke to just go to safer place and call whoever she could, just for help. I suggested that she could call my sister, Anya. When she was away, I started to talk with them just to gain more time to spare. I knew that I couldn’t escape, because these three men enclosed me and I had nowhere to go, so I tried to buy some time for Clarke to call for somebody and I tried to force them to leave us alone.”

“Why didn’t you run away when you realize that you’re in danger, miss Woods?” officer Ryder wasn’t angry, she was curious and she wanted to know everything about the reactions and actions that Lexa had made.

Brunette shook her head, but she tried to do it carefully; she had slight headache because of her wound. She kneaded her temple and she sighed.

“I knew that this wouldn’t make any sense, officer. Quint and his companions would be fast enough to catch me… and to catch Clarke. I know them a little, if I can’t really tell what they are like, I can certainly tell you what they are capable of. If they had caught us, we would have been dead now. At least, I think that she would be. And I wanted to know what they exactly wanted from me then.”

“And?”

“They wanted me back to Costia. They had been meant to take me and deliver me to her. And it would be up to her what would be with me, but I’ve told them that I didn’t want to go with them, so they decided to beat the shit out of me, just to make sure I would go with them more eagerly, you know, unconscious body would agree on any form of transport. And I thought that I won’t let them take me so easily they thought I would go, so I stunned one of them with throw, because I can do judo throws, so I just caught him and threw and acceleration did the rest of the work. After that one of the rest punched me and I fell to the ground. They didn’t let me stand up, they started hitting and kicking me. All I could do was to protect my head and take all the hits to my arms as I wouldn’t end with concussion. I prayed for Clarke to be safe and sound and for my sister or anybody to hurry up. And I lost my consciousness after next hit, just because my body had enough. I felt the pain of my battered ribs, my left arm was aching as hell and I knew that if I try to stay conscious, I can pay a lot for that.”

“Okay, I understand.” Ryder nodded. “But who is Costia?”

“Costia Knight is my ex girlfriend.”

“What did she have to do with this?”

“This whole situation with her started when we’d met at the match. I play handball in university team, so is she. And we were in opposite teams. Her team failed and after that she accosted me with pleading that she wanted to be with me again, that she wanted to go back to me. I didn’t really know if I wanted it too, but I promised her that I would think about it…” Lexa stopped for a while, secretively glancing at Clarke, just to make sure if blonde was fine with listening to her story. Clarke seemed a little uncomfortable, probably because of what Costia did and what she knew that Costia did, but apart from that she looked fine. “And I did. But, I decided not to let her be with me again, because she was a junkie and I didn’t want to go through all the shit I had. After that Costia was mad and she was stalking me with messages and phone calls, so I picked up one of them and I just had said her that I don’t want her in my life. Then I had some time of relative peace in my life and after the match with Eagles she appeared again.”

“Okay, what was after the match?”

“We were on some kind of party, because we were celebrating our victory. And Costia was there. She had always been very commanding, but then she stated that she wanted me to be hers again. I hate when someone’s giving me orders and I belong to no one, but she cannot understand this. She knew that I had been vulnerable to her in several situations, but she didn’t even want to know then why was I. So I decided that time that I had to be strong eventually. And I refused to her. I didn’t want to become someone’s toy, especially not hers. After that she challenged me into dance battle, because we both used to dance. I’m still doing it and she’s probably not. But, I agreed and the conditions were that if I win, she would leave me alone and never be back to my life again, and if she win, I would be hers again. So I had all I’ve got to lose, but I’d won this. She was pissed off, she stated that I would probably regret this and she spitted in my face. I ignored that, because I was sure that she wouldn’t be a burden anymore, because she had always been respecting the results of bets. But I was wrong.”

“And how you can be sure that was her order?”

“I’m not, miss. But everything is telling me that it was the only possibility. I’ve seen Quint, Atom and Gideon with Costia, Athol and Delano that night when we were fighting. Quint had said to me that Costia wants a revenge, because I gave her hope and then I just broke her heart again. They wanted to beat me up, but they had been hitting me with the force that couldn’t kill me. They had said that Costia wanted me to be hers again and she would never let it go…”

“I understand.” Ryder nodded and she made some notes. “Is anything else you want to say about Costia or the agressors?”

“As I had said it before, they are just counters in her hands. She needs them for doing filthy job. If she had captured me then, I would be probably delivered to her all in blood, unconscious and when she would wake me up… well, I think that she would try to pretend that she’s the good one and after my refusal about being with her, she would probably kill me without hesitation.”

“You’re suggesting that she’s psychically unstable?” officer Ryder glanced at Lexa with curiosity and with caution in her eyes. Lexa shrugged.

“Could be. She was a junkie, that’s quite possible that she still is. Drugs can do everything with human, and she… she would have been using several years. So… who knows what she had in her head. Or what she had not.”

“Okay…” Ryder was pensieved. She glanced at Lexa and brunette’s heartbeat became faster. She thought about what she had told Clarke and she knew this kind of sight that this officer had. She seemed to know. “Miss Woods, is there anything else?”

Lexa was silent for some time and she glanced at Clarke with panic in her eyes. Blonde saw it and she took brunette’s hand, intertwined their fingers and she looked Lexa in the eye. Blue orbs meet emerald ones and brunette was sure that Clarke was nonverbally telling her that if she think that it would be good for her, she should tell it to the officer. Her gentle squeeze was an assurance that Clarke would be with her all the time and that Lexa had to fear nothing. Brunette shrugged.

“I don’t know if…” she glanced at Clarke once again, so did officer Ryder. There was a short period of silence in the room, then blonde squeezed Lexa’s slender fingers, being careful not to hurt her and she smiled comfortingly.

“Hey, I’m here for you.” She stated, putting gently one lonely brown wisp behind Lexa’s ear. “You have nothing to fear, I always got your back, you hear me? Nothing would happen to you.”

“You think that…?” she interrupted, but Clarke knew exactly what Lexa wanted to ask about. Officer Ryder was waiting patiently for any of them to tell something to her. She knew that they had a little time, she could see the hesitation and fear in Lexa’s emerald eyes, but she couldn’t define what was the source of it; the battery or something else that happened to this girl.

“I know that you’re strong enough to tell about it. You know that too. Even if they wouldn’t be able to help you right away, they would figure something out and you would be safe, you know? I’m here with you, I’m going nowhere. You have all my support and all you have to do is to say it. The decision is yours, Lexa. Whatever you’ll choose, I’ll be there to support you. No matter what.” She smiled comfortingly. Her thumb started caressing Lexa’s hand and brunette felt warm wave spreading through her body. She wasn’t sure, but with Clarke by her side she was feeling strong enough to, at least, try.

“You’ll be here with me?” she whispered, in desperate need of assurance of somebody who she trusted.

“All the time.” Clarke whispered back, giving her confirming squeeze in her hand. Lexa sighed and she shut her eyes for a moment, then she addressed her words to officer Ryder.

“I… I think that it’s something else, but I know that it was long time ago and… I don’t know, it was just impossible to resolve where I had been living before, ma’am.” She started, swallowing hard. Officer Ryder straightened her back and she glanced at Lexa with curiosity, but also with tender smile.

“It’s okay, miss Woods. You can tell me everything you think might be useful. And take your time, we have a lot of it.”

“There was one situation when Costia invited me at her place and… you know. We were talking a lot. I was happy with her, but that was the time when I was just mad at her and I didn’t fully trust her, because she was hiding the fact that she was using. I’m still taking medicines because of my psychic and social issues and so was I then. I was a little bit woozy and she insisted because she wanted to consume our relationship.”

“You refused to her?” officer became more careful and she was behaving like she knew what to do. Like she was connected with women with relatable problems as Lexa.

“Twice or three times. Maybe more.” Lexa sighed, cowering herself a little. Clarke noticed that and she squeezed brunette’s hand even stronger, to give her courage that Lexa needed. Emerald eyes found the blue ones and Clarke nodded encouragingly to show Lexa that she was doing well. “But she ignored it…”

“I know that this is hard, miss Woods.” Police officer approached Lexa’s bed, but she didn’t violate her comfort zone. “But I’m working in department that is taking care of women’s rights. I probably can help you if you would tell me... what happened?”

“I know that it might be funny for somebody, that it can be strange or just wild, but… she… she tied me to the wall, forced me to…” the silence that descended was very expressive. Lexa shook her head and she shut her eyes, squeezing her nose base with all the force she had. She couldn’t say it, that was… that was enough for her, she couldn’t. She felt slight caress from Clarke’s fingers on her hand and forearm and she felt her support, but she still couldn’t say it once again. She had said it when she was telling it to Clarke, she wanted to forget about that, because she was sure that nobody could do anything with that. The onlyAwakening sound that filled thewith air was fast beeping of heart monitor.

“She raped you, miss Woods, didn’t she?” officer Ryder’s voice was tender, she was trying to calm Lexa and make her comfortable with her company. Clarke felt Lexa’s strong grip and she started to gently caress her forearm once again just to make her feel better.

“Yes.” Lexa nodded with shame on her face, feeling the huge crack inside of her. She admitted it, she felt weak, because she couldn’t keep it to herself. “I know that it’s nothing because we are women and…”

“No, miss Woods, that’s not »nothing«. I know that in some places the situations of LGBT community is not so great as we want it to be, but here we’re always aware about all our people. We’re here to protect all of citizens, no matter who they are with and who they love, ‘cause they had the right to love who they want. I know that some people might think that two girls can’t actually have sex, but they are wrong and if that was a police officer, shame on him or her. But, to be honest, I’m personally attached to this community, because I’m pansexual and I have a wife. I know that this is even harder than common rape, if there’s any rape that can be named as »common«, but… when woman is raped by a man it’s a crime. But I met people that was thinking that man raped by woman is not a crime, because he scored and this is bullshit. Same thing when it comes to two men or two women. So you’d been raped and… when was that?”

“Last year… or more. I don’t really remember, I tried to forget it.” Lexa blushed.

“I understand… But, miss Woods, I can see a shame on your face and this is not what should be there. Everybody deserves a life without such situations. And I would help you with this, I promise.”

“Miss, there’s no evidence…” Lexa tried to oppose, but officer Ryder shook her head.

“There must be something. I would figure out what we can do.” She smiled. “Thank you for your time and... good luck. I hope that you will get better soon.”

“So do I. Thank you.” Lexa smiled with soft smile on her lips and Clarke’s heart melted. She was so proud of Lexa and her courage to finally say it to somebody who had a lawful power to do something with it. Officer Ryder was gone and they had just saw another person who was in the room.

“WHAT had she done to you?” Anya asked with fury and sorrow in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, here we go, Anya just got to know what happened. A though conversation is approaching I think...
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your kudos and comments! All of them helped me a lot, feel free to leave more, I'm really glad that you're here, that you're reading it! That's amazing!
> 
> Take care and until Friday! :)


	45. Denomination made too late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING.

Lexa seemed to be frightened because Anya got to know this part of her life that she had never revealed to anybody but Clarke and then to this kind officer. Her sister was surprised but also it was visible that she was disappointed. She approached Lexa and she glanced at her, not bothering herself to sit on the chair nearby.

“Is that true?” she asked, but it was pretty certain that that was rhetorical question.

“I mustn’t lie to police, An.” Lexa sighed. “Look, I know how…”

“No, you don’t.” Anya snapped at her sister and Lexa shut up. She had a huge blush of shame on her face. “You don’t even scratched the surface of how I feel now, you know? Such a long time and you haven’t even thought about saying it to me!”

“Anya, I know that you’re mad, but…” Clarke tried to calm elder one of the Woods family, but she cut her speech.

“I want to talk to her, Clarke.” she stated firmly and roughly. “Only her an me.”

“But…”

“Lexa and I. In private.” Elder Woods’ voice was harsh and ice cold. Clarke sighed and she nodded.

“Oh… I see.” She blushed a little. She squeezed tenderly Lexa’s hand. “I’m sorry. I… I’ll go.”

“Please, don’t…” Lexa glanced at her with fright, but Clarke smiled a little.

“Hey, calm down. I would be just outside the door. I’m going nowhere, hear me, l…?” she stopped, trying to comfort her, but the last word was just stuck in her throat. She excused once again, walked past Anya and she didn’t see Lexa’s arm, this one with PVC, reached out for Clarke’s touch that had left her skin.

Blonde made her way out of the room and she sat on the chair with her back to the wall. She leaned her head to the wall and she sighed loudly, closing her eyes. She wanted Lexa to feel comfortable, to feel safe. She was relieved that brunette was awake, but she didn’t even think about what might be when Anya get to know. She thought that it would be in different way, not like that, but what was done couldn’t be undone. She felt guilty, because it was probably her who convinced Lexa to tell it and the accident made it all worse. She sighed.

All she could do was wait for Anya to allow her to come back. She was feeling weak that time, like she was drained out of every emotion. She sighed and stared at thethe ceiling with tears in her eyes.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“Why you made her leave?” Lexa asked, trying to understand her sister’s behavior.

“I don’t want anybody to listen to this conversation. I want to talk to you in private. It’s not that I don’t like Clarke, because I do, but I want to talk to YOU. And you’re often hiding behind her, making her talk instead of you. So I deprived you of this possibility.” Anya stated with anger. Lexa didn’t comment that, so her sister thought that it was permission to continue. “So I want to know why didn’t you tell me?”

“Anya, listen, I didn’t really know…”

“You didn’t know WHAT? How to say it? When to say it? What didn’t you know?”

“I didn’t know if that was what I wanted to do then. I didn’t know if telling you was the right thing. I doubted that.”

“So, why should I believe that this situation you described to this officer was real?” Anya asked and Lexa stiffed.

“Wh-what?” she stuttered, trying to recognize what had just happened. “Are you suggesting that…”

“It could be story for police to just fuck Costia’s situation even more than it could be, Lex. Nobody can prove what happened last year or even earlier than last year. As you’d said; no evidence, your word against Costia’s. You didn’t tell me what happened when you were back after you two split up. You could, but you decided not to. Why is that? Because this is a lie? A try of getting rid of her in the most unfair way that we could even imagine? Why should I believe you that you’re not lying to police if you were probably lying to me all that time? Why should I believe that this situation is not one of them?” She stated, looking at her sister in the eye. Brown clashed with emerald and Anya knew that she played it wrong. Really wrong.

“It’s not.” Lexa stated with hoarse but harsh voice. She was stone cold and Anya shivered. Lexa was feeling bad, really bad because of her sister that didn’t even believe her, but she felt so bad, that she decided to do something that was scorching her soul. And about regret she would think after all. “You don’t have to believe me, but I exactly know what she had done to me. You want the whole story? Okay, there it is. I was with her. She wanted me. I refused, because I wasn’t ready for having sex, I didn’t feel so mature to just do it. She wanted it and she was lit, so she thought that only her needs and desires were important. She caught me and she transfixed me, tied to the wall. She took off her pants and she took off my pants. That was the first time I saw vagina, but I didn’t see it with pleasure or romantic atmosphere. She was wet, she sat on my face and she started to make friction moves. She slapped me, telling me to use my tongue, because if not, I would know her displeasure, so I used it as she told me to. I did her carpet munching in the same time she was doing it to me. That wasn’t pleasant, that was degrading. I had to feel her between my legs when I was forced to lick her and to taste her atrocious juices. She was cumming into my mouth and I was scared to death, but the worst was yet to come. She didn’t released me, she made me silent, slapped me, because I tried to scream for help, she used a gag.” Lexa had tears in her eyes, but her voice was still strong and powerful, she didn’t even think about stopping. She was angry at her sister for what she’d said, so she decided to tell EVERYTHING. Anya’s facial expression was telling her that her sister was terrified, she was full of contempt for Costia. And she wanted to make Lexa stop telling it.

“Lexa…”

“NO, don’t you dare interrupting me!” Lexa snapped at her with tears streaming down her cheeks. She was nearly screaming, but it wasn’t so loud that everybody in hospital could hear this. “Because I didn’t tell you everything. She took off my T-shirt and bra and she started touching my breasts, squeezing them and her touch was nightmarish. Her nails was long and sharp, she was scraping my body, but I was unable to move. She was licking my nipples and tried to make me wet and ready for sex. To make me steamed up, but she failed, because I was too scared to even cry. She assumed that she’s ready, so she took her strapless strap-on, placed it in her and she used a little bit of intimate gel to moisturize the dildo. She banged in me and it hurt. I wanted to set my teeth, but I couldn’t, because I had a gag in my mouth. She was raping me with it long time, because my body couldn’t get rid of the fucking tranquilizers and antidepressants I was on all the time. When she came for the first time, she was gentle. Then she started to be rough. She started to slap and scrap me, because it made her wetter. She ripped my nipple with her nails, but I was still trying to break free. I felt that the adrenaline is leaching the chemicals out of my body, so I tried to release, but I still couldn’t. She came for the second time with loud groan and she scratched me so deeply that I started to bleed, but that wasn’t enough for her. She kneeled between my legs and she caught my hips to make the position more comfortable for her. She was hitting my lower parts with her hips, she made bruises there and she was doing it until she cum for the third time. The pain and the self-contempt I felt then did the work and when I yanked my arms, I released them. I hit her head with my tied fists, and I did it well, so she had lost consciousness. I’d found some knife and I broke free. I put my clothes on and I ran home.” Lexa was shaking, but her voice had not cracked even once. “I locked myself in my room and I was pretending I was asleep when you were home, because I didn’t want to talk to anybody. You’re really thinking that I would come to you and just say, with a happy voice that she had just raped me? I don’t think so. Nobody would. Costia had disappeared, so you thought that my behavior and condition were determined with that things and I didn’t want to tell you that they were not… because I didn’t want to talk at all during several first days after that. I felt guilty and ashamed because of what happened, I felt weak and I thought that if I would say something, it would be what happened then. I didn’t want it. I wanted to forget.”

“That’s why you tried to commit suicide this six times until then.” Anya whispered, shocked. She sat on the chair, she had tears in her eyes, fists set as ready to fight. She was breathing heavily, quickly and loudly. She covered her face with her hands not to show her sister that her tears were streaming down her lips. “Not because she had left.”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded, embracing herself with one hand, because second one was stalled on the sling.

“And because of that you didn’t want to be touched at all, isn’t that true?” elder sister whispered with disbelief.

“It is.” Lexa answered quietly, not even looking at Anya. Her voice was weak, she felt weak. She felt bad.

“Lexa…”

“Please, ask Clarke if she wants to go back.” She whispered and Anya nodded.

Elder one stood up and slowly made her way to the door. She opened them and she saw Clarke with her face covered in her hands, sitting on the plastic chair and waiting for her to call her to Lexa. She realized that she treated her wrong.

“Clarke?” she asked carefully and blonde rose her head to glance at her. “I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so rough to you… Lexa is asking if you want to come back.”

“Of course I want to.” Clarke nodded and followed Anya. When she saw Lexa’s face, all in tears, she approached and she gently pulled her into her arms.

“What happened?” she asked, even though she had heard something from the outside. She knew that Lexa was telling the worst story of her life. And she was sorry about that.

“She told me everything in details.” Anya was ashamed.

“Shhh, my love, everything is all right now.” Clarke hugged Lexa tighter, paying attention for not hurting her. “You have to calm down. It’s okay, you’re okay…” her voice was comforting and she was hoping that Lexa would be finally calm.

“But… why didn’t you tell me about that? I know that you’ve felt bad, but… we could figure something out. Go to the doctor, make appointment and prove that you were… but you didn’t…” Anya asked, looking at her sister with pain in her eyes. She felt terrible because Lexa didn’t want to tell her. She was wondering what did she do that her sister didn’t trust her so much. “I wasn’t trustworthy?”

“No, An. You were and you are the person I’ve always trusted the most.” Lexa stated with stronger voice, but she still seemed tired. “I know that in your company and now in Clarke’s too, I can be vulnerable, but I didn’t want to be, because… because I didn’t want to let you down.”

“Telling me about the rape wouldn’t be an act of letting me down, Lexa!” Anya was terrified. “Sis, I would… I would…”

“But I had not told you about this not because I didn’t want to let you down that time. It was because I knew what you’re like, An. I knew that if you would know that, you would find Costia no matter what and then, probably, kill her. Just like that. I didn’t want you to kill anybody, not her, because she wasn’t worth of it at all. And she’s not. Still.”

“Lex…” Anya carefully touched Lexa’s thigh and she squeezed it comfortingly. “I would always be by your side, I would always want to protect you, sis. I… I’m sorry for what I’ve said, but…”

“I know, An.” Lexa nodded, trying to isolate herself of the pain that Anya’s words had caused. She knew that it was partially her fault. “I shouldn’t be hiding it from you. I… I was thinking about telling you. I wanted you to know, but not the way that you heard it. I was…”

“I know.” Anya nodded and she hugged her sister, looking at Clarke. That was also the moment when doctor entered the room.

“I’m sorry, ladies, but visiting time is over. Please, come tomorrow. And if everything’s okay, she will be free in few days.” He stated with smile on his face. “And now she had to rest.”

“Of course, sir.” Clarke and Anya nodded simultaneously. They smiled to Lexa who answered them with the same action. They gave her friendly, comforting and loving hugs for goodbye.

“Take care, sis. See you tomorrow.” Anya said.

“I will be here when you will wake up.” Clarke smiled gently to her and Lexa nodded.

“Goodnight, guys. Greet Raven and… An… tell her that I’m grateful. And Clarke. Thank you once again that I’m… that I’m here. Alive. With you.” She whispered and blonde smiled.

“Of course. And you’re welcome.” She stated and they made their way out of the hospital.

“What are you thinking about?” Anya asked when they were outside and Clarke stopped, looking at the sky.

“That I’ve made it for her. And that I hate Costia.” She stated.

“You heard it all from where you were sitting, didn’t you?”

“Of course. And if I had any possibility and assurance that I wouldn’t be arrested, I would kill her right away.” Clarke set her fists, knowing that Lexa told her first about that, but not with all details she wasn’t ready for. “After the dance battle I followed Costia and I told her that if she would appear once again, I would take care of her on my own, because I wanted her dead after humiliating Lexa with spitting on her face. And now what? She sent this fucking dorks to beat Lexa up and she’s safe and sound somewhere with two other men who can…”

“Shh, Clarke.” Anya squeezed comfortingly Clarke’s shoulder. “We would figure something out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Costia raped my sister.” In Anya’s voice there was contempt and determination. She wanted justice. “Lexa thinks that nothing could be done, because there’s no evidence and she didn’t do anything right after the accident. But as long as I know Costia there had to be something that would take her down.”

“So… what are we gonna do?” blonde glanced at her interlocutor and she saw a desperate lack of justice and revenge. She saw a little bit ofof emotions cracking through that mask that Anya had put on her face.

“I have a plan.” She stated.

“And it’s…?”

“Vengeance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your kudos and comments here, I'm glad to hear your opponion. I hope that you liked this one.
> 
> Take care, until Tuesday.


	46. Subversion

Anya got home and she locked the door behind her. She felt all the emotions burning inside of her, but she also knew that she couldn’t let them go outside during the day. She also kept all the worry and so in her when Lexa was unconscious. She knew that she couldn’t slip, she had to be there for her sister. No sudden movements.

She threw her bag on the floor and she went straight to Lexa’s room. She closed the door and she saw training bag hanging in the middle of the room, so she thanked internally that nobody has taken this down, because if she would have to hang it, she would rather throw it.

“AAAAARG!” she screamed and she punched the sandbag with all the force she had, imagining that it was Costia’s face. She was pissed off, she wanted this one to be dead and she knew that she wasn’t only one person who wanted it. She was punching the sandbag with loud screams, trying to make herself relieved, but it didn’t really work.  
She knew that Lexa was damn right when she had said that she was concerned if Anya would had killed Costia when she would know about what she had done to her sister. She knew what she would do — she would had gone at Costia’s and make her regret her life. Elder Woods’ sister was also sad because of that Lexa didn’t feel good with her enough to just say what happened, that she was still feeling something for Costia. She was broken inside that she even let that happen.

Anya smiled through tears in her eyes, realizing, that she’s doing exactly the same thing as her sister would do in this situation. She knew that Lexa was tougher than she was, she was in danger because of herself, she forced her not to feel anything and Anya knew that was bad for her. Being inside the wall with all the bad emotions wasn’t really healthy. And Anya knew what were these emotions about and she didn’t like it. She wanted to help, but all she could do was punching the bag, thinking about the best plan she could have to just make Costia know her place. She was ready to even kill her.

She was punching the sandbag for couple of hours, trying to let her emotions out. All the sorrow, all the anger, all the fury was given to the sandbag through her arms, her fists. When she was done, she felt to her knees, almost totally exhausted, hugging the sandbag not to fall completely. She was breathing heavily, but she was sure that she had a plan.

Anya glanced at her knuckles and she sighed. They were covered in her blood; she forgot to wrap them with boxing tapes.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

“Hey, Lex, how are you feeling?” Clarke asked the next morning, right after Lexa’s awakening. Brunette smiled a little and blonde’s heart melted when she saw Lexa’s woozy eyes for the first time. Her smile wasn’t big, but it was bright and Clarke smiled too.

“Much better than yesterday.” Lexa yawned, trying to cover her mouth with her hand. Clarke giggled. “But there’s high possibility that I would be home today. Dr Atkins had told me that today they would examine me in every way they can and if everything would be all right, I would go home. Finally.”

“Hey, you’re here since the day before yesterday, you cannot be so bored.” Clarke laughed and Lexa smiled, trying to sit, but Clarke noticed the slight grimace of pain on her face when she was doing it.

“What’s the matter?” She asked with concern. “Something hurts?”

“Not really. Dr Atkins had said that for a few days I can have problems with breathing because of the resuscitation and he told me that I have to rest, but I have enough, I want to go home.”

“But when you’re home you should also rest, so… what’s the difference?” Clarke glanced at Lexa with curiosity and Lexa smiled mischievously and she winked.

“All the books I had in my room.” She stated and she glanced at the person that entered. “Morning, doc.”

“Good morning, Lexa.” He smiled and he also nodded to Clarke. She nodded too. “Good morning, miss…?”

“Griffin. Clarke Griffin” She answered immediately. “I’m her friend.”

“Oh, yeah.” He smirked, but this expression was so shortly on his face that Clarke couldn’t really tell if that seriously happened. “Nice to meet you, Clarke. Unfortunately, I had bad news for you. I had to take your friend for several hours for examinations, so…”

“Oh, that’s okay, I have some things to do today.” She stated with gentle smile, checking on her phone the message that she had received. She stood up and squeezed Lexa’s hand. “Everything would be all right, Lex, you’ll se. Good day, Dr Atkins.” She nodded, preparing to leave.

“If everything would be fine, she would be out today.” He stated and Clarke smiled, nodding.

“I’ll make sure that her sister and me would be prepared for taking her home.”

And she left, leaving Lexa with her eyes fixed on her back after giving her comforting smile.

“You two are together?” Dr Atkins asked Lexa when he was helping her with sitting on the wheelchair. Lexa blushed badly, but she shook her head.

“No, we’re not.” She stated quietly. “We’re just friends.”

“Just friends didn’t look at each other this way you two do.” He smirked and Lexa nearly choked with the air. “But okay, let’s make sure if we would be able to give you back to her with good condition, miss Woods.” And he pushed the wheelchair through the corridor, pretending that he didn’t notice large red blush that had spread onto Lexa’s neck and cleavage. And no one noticed that her tension was higher that it should be.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

“What happened that you had texted me?” she asked when she was out of the building. “Something's wrong?”

“I’ve heard that she’s back.” Anya stated and Clarke stiffed. She roughly knew who Lexa’s sister was talking about, but she had to be sure.

“Costia.” She rather said than asked, but elder Woods’ sister nodded.

“Exactly. And I know where is her fucking lair. We have to get there, find something and then… get out with it.”

“But… that’s not really great and detailed plan, you know?” Clarke glanced at her interlocutor with slight concern. “She could be anywhere when we would be inside, she could come back anytime and what would be then…?”

“You’re making a problem when there’s none.” Anya sighed. “We can observe her. We can make her move. We HAVE TO do this, because we have to make sure we’d done absolutely everything that exclude battery to assure that she has nothing to prove this fucking rape.” Anya was nervous and Clarke tried to get along with her thoughts, but sometimes she just couldn’t. Anyway, she was sure that Anya was right and they had to help the police, and first of all Lexa, get Costia behind the bars where she belonged.

“Okay, what do we do?” Clarke nodded, trying not to ask another twelve thousand questions that she had about what Anya had planned. She just wanted to help her and all she had to do then was listen to Lexa’s sister and pray for the greater good and god above to make everything go well.

“Here’s the thing…” Anya started, catching Clarke’s wrist and pulling her in unknown direction.

“So… you want to wait here for don’t know how long, just to be sure that she is not inside and you want to strike?” Clarke assured that she understood well.

“Sort of.” Anya nodded, observing carefully the interior of small cabin when Costia had lived. They had to make their way out of the town, but they felt, deep in their hearts, that it would be worth it. “I would go in, you would take sentry just to be sure she wouldn’t be back when I’m inside.”

“You’re kidding.” Clarke snapped. “I won’t let you do it on your own, An. I’m going with you or you’re not going anywhere, hear me?”

“Jesus, are you serious?” Anya glanced at Clarke and blonde’s facial expression gave her the answer. Elder Woods’ sister sighed and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, but for what…”

“I can be useful.” Clarke interrupted her interlocutor. “I would go through her things while you would be rummaging her computer. Is that convincing you?”  
“Kinda.” Anya murmured and she looked through the field glasses that she had brought with her. “Okay, let’s go, she’s out.”

They got out of bush that they were sitting behind, they ran towards Costia’s cabin, making sure that she would not notice them and then they squatted under her window. Irrevocably the main advantage of Costia’s choice of place to live was that it was on the remote area. No neighbors in at least two kilometers line in all directions.

“Okay, how would you break in?” Clarke whispered, observing Anya in the middle of her mind battle. Elder one made her decision very quickly.

“We’re breaking in through the door.” She stated, trying to figure something out, to make some kind of plan to follow. “And then we will see.”

Clarke nodded and she followed Anya.

 

*

  
**LEXA**

“Everything okay, miss Woods?” dr Atkins asked when she was in the X-Ray machine.

“Yeah, I think so.” She smiled, even though he wasn’t able to see it. “How long will I have to stay there?”

“For some time, try not to move. The quicker we will have it done, the sooner you will be home.”

Lexa sighed, trying not to move and to figure out what Clarke had to do. She appreciated that blonde took care about the word that she had give her; she was with her when Lexa woke up, but Clarke seemed to be different. Brunette couldn’t say what was that change she noticed, but it was disturbingly odd to see that. Like… like Clarke had some kind of bad thing to do, like she had to do something that wasn’t exactly in the way that she had been doing things all her life. Lexa was wondering how was Anya and she hoped that neither her sister, nor Clarke, would be attached into some shit. She hoped that strange expression of Clarke’s face wasn’t attached to party which this two freaks would throw because of her coming back home.

Also, she started to think about the one word that Clarke had said, maybe unknowingly, but Lexa noticed it perfectly. Blonde said »love« when she was comforting her. Maybe that was some kind of bloomer, maybe she didn’t mean this, but… that made Lexa’s heart beat stronger every time she recalled that moment from the day before. She started believing that maybe there really was one person that could love her the way she always wanted. But, on the other hand, she wasn’t sure if Clarke was into girls. Maybe she was just the girl with fluid border between friendship and love.

Lexa was different. She always could separate feelings for friend and feelings for someone who she loved. She had had this second sort of feelings, in the romantic way, only for one person on this world and that person betrayed her, that person abused her, that person made her feel bad and unworthy. And when she thought that she would never love again, that love was weakness and that she closed herself for all kinds of relations, she met Clarke. She trusted her and… she was afraid of that. She trusted her, but she wasn’t sure if she should. She wanted it, she wanted it so badly, because she couldn’t run away from life all the time, she was tired of it. But… she didn’t know what she have to do. She wanted to talk to Clarke and tell her how she felt, but there was something that made her silent, something that had told her not to do it yet, to wait for some better moment for it… maybe because of that uncertainty of Clarke’s interests or something… and then she called her »love«. Lexa was surprised, but she didn’t say anything. Either way, she didn’t stop thinking about it.

“Okay, one minute more and you would be free of this machine.” She heard dr Atkins’ voice and she barely resisted nodding.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

“Got something?” Clarke asked after several minutes. They both were in Costia’s room, they were looking for something, anything that could help them. Anya sat in front of the computer and she turned it on. Luckily, there wasn’t any password that was required. Clarke started going through the things in Costia’s shelves and drawers.

“Nothing yet.” Anya mumbled, clicking on the keyboard. She was focused on the task. “Please, watch out if she’s not coming back, I don’t want to fight with her.”

“Neither am I.” Clarke sighed, taking a pile of photos from Costia’s night table and she flicked through them. “Eww, she was gross.” She stated, but Anya didn’t hear that. Clarke rolled her eyes and she put this pile on the top of Costia’s table, trying not to look at them again. There was just pile of porn, nothing else.

Going through Costia’s things was boring, because after five minutes Clarke could predict what she would see. Either it would be porn or erotic literature. Sometimes some weed or syringe filled with something that Clarke didn’t even wanted to know about.

“Something?” Clarke heard Anya’s voice and she shook her head, looking out of the window. Costia had not appeared yet.

“Nothing except for porn photos with women, drugs or taco bell coupons.” She stated, trying to have her voice steady not filled with contempt but she couldn’t. “And you?”

“Not yet… but if I couldn’t find anything, she would be arrested just for drugs. That’s something, what do you think?”

“That’s something, yeah. But not enough for what she’d done.” Clarke stated, trying to open another pigeonhole, but she failed. She pulled the knob once again, but this pigeonhole was locked. “An, I think that might be something.” She stated. “This one is locked. And it has a keyhole.”

“Then find a key and find out what’s inside.” Anya mumbled, still clicking on the keyboard. Clarke sighed and she looked around, trying to figure out where this key could be. She thought that Costia was not quarter as smart as Lexa was and she thought that Costia was way more stupid than she was, so… she reached under the drawer, trying to sense something and she was right.

“There you are.” She smirked, wondering why Costia was so stupid. She looked through the window and she still didn’t see the owner of the cabin, so she assumed that they are safe for now. She tore off the key with the tape it was stuck and she unlocked the pigeonhole. She put forward the drawer and she stopped breathing for a while. “An… I’ve got something.” She stated, but there was no response. “An?”

“I’ve got something too. Give me some time and I will join you. Or take photos of what you’ve found, we haven’t got much time.” Clarke heard, but she knew what she should do even before Anya said it out loud. She pulled out her smartphone and she started taking photos of all she had found. And that hurt her so bad.

“FUCK, WE HAVE TO GO.” Anya almost shouted after five minutes. “She’s almost there.”

“What…?” Clarke shut the pigeonhole immediately, she locked it and she stuck the key on the tape as it was before. “How…?”

“She was coming back from other side, go!” Anya caught Clarke’s wrist and she took her to the open window. She showed Clarke the way and blonde nodded, thinking about how stupid they were. Anya jumped right after her and she pulled the window to close after her.

They squatted under her window, nearly stuck to the wall with their backs, breathing heavily when they heard Costia in the room.  
They crouched under the windowsill and they disappeared into the bushes. When they took their position from before, Anya looked through the field glasses. “She seem to be quite nervous. We did something wrong.” She stated and Clarke took the glasses from her and she looked through them.

“Fuck, I forgot about this porn pile.” She hissed. “I forgot to hide them again in the drawer, but…” she interrupted for a while. “For fuck’s sake, I can’t believe this.”

“What?” Anya took the field glasses and she groaned when she saw what Clarke had seen. “She’s… fuck, saying that she’s gross is less than it should be said.”

“How did Lexa…”

“I don’t want to know why she was with her. But I’m sure that she’s not with her now and if there would be any other idea of going back to her, I would kill Costia and tie my sister to the radiator with handcuffs, I promise.” She stated, shutting her eyes and trying not to remember what she saw. This picture was really… nope. Just nope.

“What had you found there?” they asked simultaneously, but in that moment Anya’s phone started ringing.

“Hi, sis, what’s up?” she heard Lexa’s voice when she picked it up.

“Nothing really, what’s up there?” she glanced at Clarke, praying for Lexa not to try to get to know more. “After all your examination?”

“Yeah, I think so. Dr Atkins said that my results are great and that he thinks that I could go home today. But he also said that somebody should take me from here.”

“That’s obvious. Okay, so I’m in my way, Lexa.” She smiled to the phone and brunette hung up.

“We have to go if we wouldn’t want Lexa to be suspicious.” She stated and Clarke nodded. “But I think I would have to go to the police station. ASAP.”

“I could pick Lexa up and take her home, that’s no problem. But… would you tell me what you find?”

“I wish I had never seen this, Clarke. But I will need you with me when I would go talking with officer Ryder.”

“Sure I would be there.”

“So, let’s go for my sister. I’ll call Raven and Lincoln with Octavia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. I'm so sorry guys for the delay, but this time is not really good time for me, there are some issues that I have to face and I think that I'm failing. Because of it all I almost forgot about this update, but, fortunately, I just saw "AO3" on Tumblr and this reminded me of the update, I'm so, so sorry!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for all your kudos, all comments. Please, tell me what you think about this one.
> 
> Take care, until friday! And happy yule of someone among you is celebrating this holiday. :)


	47. Evidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some kind of trigger warning should be here, I suppose.

“Good to see you home.” Anya smiled nervously when Lexa was finally inside her house. Lexa smiled and she sat on the armchair, trying to breathe normally. She had some problems with it, because of her battered ribs.

“Good to be home.” Lexa smiled warmly when her sister started to prepare tea. The kettle whistled in the same time when they heard someone knocking on the door and Anya smiled.

“I’ll open it.” She stated and when she was walking by Clarke she whispered: “I need you to stay with her when I would be talking to this people. I would talk to you too, but…”

“Just go, I’ll handle this.” Blonde smiled and Anya was gone. Clarke smiled and she approached the kettle and the shelves to pick more mugs for tea.

 

*

 

**ANYA**

“Hey, people, good to see you.” She stated, opening the door and then shutting them quietly. “But, before I’ll invite you in, I have to tell you something. I need your help.”

“Anything we could do.” Lincoln glanced at her with concern.

“What happened?” Octavia asked and Anya sighed.

“Clarke and I were at Costia’s yesterday…”

“WHAT.” Raven almost shouted, but Anya covered her mouth with her hand.

“Shhh, not so loud, Lexa’s home, I’ve told you.” Elder Woods hissed. “The thing is… fuck, you don’t know and I don’t fell allowed to tell you about that, but… let’s say Costia had hurt my sister. And not only psychically, okay? If I were hurt like she was I would never… nevermind, guys, I’m not the one to tell the story. And I’m sorry about that. Here’s the thing: Costia hurt Lexa and Clarke and I were looking for some evidence of that shit at Costia’s lair.” She stated and everybody nodded, listening carefully. “And we’ve found something. We have to tell everything to officer Ryder, but we cannot be noticed by Lexa, you know?”

“You want us to stay with Lexa and maybe draw her attention while you two would set up the meeting with this officer, right?” Octavia was the one who understood the thing the most quickly.

“Right.” Anya nodded. “And I ask you if you could.”

“Of course. But what would we tell her if she ask where are you?” O. seemed to outrun every step Anya planned. And for that it was really good that she had done it.

“I don’t know, I didn’t even think about it.” Anya hissed. “Maybe…”

“We would tell her that it’s a surprise. You know, some kind of… after all go to the store and buy her something what’s her favourite. It can be food, drink, it can also be… I don’t know. Board game she was always dreaming of.” Raven stated. “And, after all, we all would participate in this. Like, you know, we knew, but that was a surprise, because she’s back and she made it.”

“Great. So… come in, guys. And thank you for your help.”

“You can count on us.” Lincoln smiled and Anya opened the door again, letting them in.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

“Hey, I was wondering… why you’re putting so much sugar in your tea?” Clarke sat vis-à-vis Lexa and she was observing her interlocutor when she was squealing six teaspoons to her drink. Lexa slightly blushed and she shrugged with one arm, because she had to be careful on the one on the sling. Anyway, it was still hurting.

“I just like the taste.” She stated with little smile haunting her mouth and eyes. “I’m a strange person, you know. I’d rather drink tea without sugar than with two teaspoons of it. Extremely different tastes, but, after all, I can accept nothing in between.”

“Did you tried xylitol?” Clarke took a sip from her mug, still looking at Lexa. “You know, it’s better for your health or something…”

“Meh, of course that I’ve tried it.” Lexa said, stirring her tea. “But it’s not exactly the same as sugar. I know, everyone is telling me that xylitol is healthier, but… it’s less sweet and more expensive than sugar itself. Instead of six teaspoons I was using twelve or fifteen of them, so it was not cost-effective, you know? I just prefer sugar.” She smiled and took a sip of her tea. “By the way, this tea is not awful as people think it is.”

“May I…?” Clarke pointed at Lexa’s mug and brunette slid it through the table. Blonde took a sip and she winced. “Oh my god, that’s…”

“Awfully sweet?” Anya laughed from behind them, entering the kitchen with her escort. “I’m always telling her that, but she’s not listening to me. Anyway, I think that she has to sugar her tea, because her life is not sweet enough.”

“Fuck off.” Lexa laughed when her friends were greeting her.

“I’m glad you’ve made it.” Raven hugged Lexa, trying to be careful and not to hurt her.

“Me too. And thank you, Raven, you save my life.” Lexa smiled.

“I didn’t… Clarke…”

“Both of you did.” Lexa smiled. Scratches and bruises on her face looked better than the day before.

“We’re happy to see you in one piece.” Lincoln laughed, hugging Lexa, so did Octavia a moment after him.

“We heard that it was quite hot situation.” She stated, taking a seat next to Lexa’s. Brunette nodded when Raven made everyone a tea. Anya accosted Clarke and she gave her a sign that they had to go. Clarke nodded and she smiled apologetically when she was standing up.

“We’re sorry, but we have to go for a while…” she stated and Lexa was surprised when she heard that Clarke had said it in plural.

“You…?” she started, but Anya stood up as well and she looked at her sister.

“Yeah, we got something to do. It wouldn’t take long. You’re safe here with them, we’ll be back soon. You know, some shopping, our fridge is almost empty and you’re disabled.” Anya smiled and, before Lexa could say anything, they was gone.

 

*

 

**ANYA**

“Good evening, can we speak with officer Ryder?” Elder Woods asked when they finally made their way to the police station.

“Of course, I’ll call for her…”

“There’s no need, Beck, I’m here.” They heard low, female voice from behind them. “Miss Woods, miss Griffin. How can I help you?”

“We have to talk to you.” Clarke stated and police officer glanced at their faces. She must have seen something, because she nodded immediately and she showed them the way to her office.

“Beck, I’m absent for everyone who would like to reach me. I’ll tell you when it’s over, okay?”

“Yes, sir.” The operator nodded with slight smile and he was back to his newspaper. And officer Ryder led the way, she closed the door of her office and, when Clarke and Anya sat down, she did the same.

“I can see that you’ve got something for me. And that’s urgent.” She said and her interlocutors nodded. “So?”

“I… I received an e-mail from Costia Knight today.” Anya started, swallowing hard. She was praying for her lie not to be detected. “And… there was this in the attachment.” She pulled out pendrive and she slid it to her interlocutor.

Officer Ryder rised her eyebrow, but she took the small drive and she connected it with her computer. Then all three, her, Clarke and Anya, could see what was in the attachement.

“For fuck’s sake…” Clarke cursed when she woke up and finally realized what was that. That was a film. Camera was fixed on the couch and there was Costia on it. She was using, the drugs in powder. And then the doorbell rang. Costia went to open the door and then… Lexa came in. They sat on the couch and then they were talking, same as Lexa had said about that. Anya and Clarke exactly knew what would be next. When Costia slapped Lexa and tied her hands, blonde shut her eyes, now filled with tears. She couldn’t watch it, it hurt so badly, Anya averted her gaze. The only thing they could do was listening to the sounds, this animalish sounds that Costia was making and the panicked, heartbreaking sobs that were coming from Lexa’s throat. Officer Ryder watched the video to the second Costia’s orgasm and she paused it. She had disbelief on her face and she looked at Clarke and Anya, deflecting the screen form their sight.

“Miss Woods, that’s a proof in this case. A very strong proof against miss Knight, but I have to ask you for telling me the truth.” Officer Ryder glanced at Anya and she shivered.

 

*

  
**LEXA**

“I’m curious where they went.” Brunette smiled, when she was sitting by the kitchen table with her friends. They were playing cards, waiting for her sister and Clarke to come back for playing something more demanding.

“They should be back soon.” Raven sadly smiled.

“Hey, something’s bothering you, I can see it. What is this?” Lexa asked, but Raven shook her head. Lexa remained silent, so were Octavia and Lincoln, waiting for latina to speak. When she was sure that there was no way out, she sighed and she fixed her sight on the table surface, she laid her cards on the table and squeezed her nose base.

“I… I’m so sorry Lexa. For what I’ve done.” She stuttered, making brunette surprised.  
“What?” she asked, trying to understand what had just happened. “What are you talking about…?”

“Clarke… Clarke was supposed to call Anya, but she didn’t have her phone number.” Raven said quietly. Octavia and Lincoln glanced at her, trying to get to know if everything was fine with latina. “So she called mine and… I was rejecting it several times. I… that’s all my fault.” She stated, looking at Lexa with pain in her eyes. She glanced at brunette’s injured arm on the sling, she glanced at Lexa’s bruised skin, at her scratched face and felt nothing but shame. She blushed and she set her teeth, trying not to cry, because she knew that her tears wouldn’t change anything.

“Nothing’s your fault, Raven.” Lexa smiled, trying to catch Raven’s sight. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You stopped breathing, you was hospitalized just because I decided not to pick up the fucking call that Clarke was doing. I was sith Anya and I didn’t want to… fuck, I’m so ducking stupid. You could have died and It would be all on me…” she sobbed, single tear sliding down her cheek. Lexa shook her head, throw her cards on the table, she stood up, approached Raven and she sat on the table in front of her. Octavia and Lincoln were silently watching this situation, hoping that maybe Lexa would make Raven feel a little bit better than she was, because all of them could see that latina was devastated.

“Raven, listen to me.” Lexa laid her hand on Raven’s shoulder and she squeezed it comfortingly, making latina look at her with surprise in her eyes. “You’re not the one to blame. If it’s not about Costia, nobody would even touch me. She was and she still is too spoiled to even think about what other people would think or feel. I think that it all was her idea to tell these three to attack us, that it was because of her they beat me. They had orders, they were following them and it’s not because of you, you hear me? It’s because they chose this kind of path, not the gentle one. Anyway, even if you picked up this call later than Clarke had expected you to, nothing really happened…”

“But you…”

“Yeah, I’ve lost my consciousness, because they were beating the hell out of me. I was wasted, I was tired, so I gave up at some point. I’ve lost my breath, as you had said, because I didn’t even remember this, you know? I don’t know anything that happened after my losing of consciousness to be honest. All I know is that when I woke up and when I was talking with Clarke, I heard that you two had saved my life when I was out. So I am grateful that you succeeded and I’m glad that I can finally say it to you properly and face to face, not vicariously by Anya or Clarke. Raven, whatever happened before my loose of consciousness is nothing that might be your fault. It had happened because Quint, Atom and Gideon wanted it to happen. Because Costia wanted it. And when I was out, you helped to save my life. You saved me, that’s because of you I’m here now, that I can breathe, that I can move, that I can be with you guys, that I have opportunity to tell the police what happened, that I can talk with Clarke. It’s because of you Costia could be punished because of battery, not because of subcontracting a murder. Raven… thank you.” She whispered, looking latina in the eye. “I’m here, because you was brave enough to help Clarke. You’re my hero, not my enemy.” She stated, pulling surprised Raven closer and giving her a friendly hug the way that she had never done this before. Latina hugged her carefully, trying not to cause her pain from injured arm. She felt relieved, Lexa had forgiven her lack of mind from that time.

“I’m glad you forgave me, Lexa.” She whispered to brunette’s shoulder.

“There was nothing to forgive you, Rae.” Lexa smiled.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

The silence that descended was very disturbing. Officer Ryder was looking at Clarke and Anya without anger, but in her eyes was steel that demanded straight and true answer for her question. Blonde blushed a little and Anya set her teeth in order not to show her fear.

“But…” she tried, but officer Ryder shook her head.

“Look, miss Woods. I’m a police officer. I’m also working in department of women’s rights. I understand that you’re concerned about your sister and about what miss Knight had done to her, I want to help you. But you need to understand that I’m not stupid, I cannot believe that offender who did such awful thing sent you this film in the attachment to e-mail. I assume that miss Knight isn’t stupid. You need to know that this is really strong proof, but I need to know the truth. Where you have it from?” officer Ryder was uncompromising and Anya shivered. She switched her glance with Clarke’s. blonde slightly nodded and elder one sighed, exactly knowing that this was the end of all lies. She had to tell the truth in order to help her sister.

“We were at Costia’s…–“ she started, not even looking at the only one person who could help them. “I knew her for some time and I was sure that there had to be something proving what she had done. We… we entered Costia’s cabin and we did some research.”

“So that was breaking in?” officer Ryder sighed. “You know that in that case this is not really a proof? Like… you broke the law to gain this, so…”

“No, please, listen to me.” Anya started to be panicked, but Clarke squeezed gently her thigh, nonverbally telling her that she would be speaking.

“I was going through Costia’s drawers, she was searching her computer. There was no evidence that we were there, officer. I have found something in Costia’s pigeonhole, but that has not to be a regular proof to you, miss. That’s a proof that something is in her cabin and, if you could obtain search warrant, then you would be able to find it. And with what we had you just know in advance what you’re looking for.” She tried to be calm, but inside she was boiling. She couldn’t believe that they could just have lost their chance to trap Costia.

Officer Ryder nodded. “Okay, keep on…”

“I’ve sent this film from her e-mail account to mine, just in case if she would try to delete it.” Anya sighed. “So there’s no regular evidence that I had just been in her cabin, because no one would be able to prove that it wasn’t she. And even if it would be fishy, how am I supposed to know her password or e-mail? I have never obtained that information.”

“Good point.” Miss Ryder nodded once again. “But you had said that this is not the only one thing that you’ve got for me…”

“Yeah, I have found something in her pigeonhole.” Clarke nodded, pulling out her phone and unlocking the screen. It took couple of seconds to find the proper folder and she handed her phone to officer Ryder. Woman was surprised, but also disgusted of what she had seen.

“Where have you found these?” she asked and Clarke sighed.

“In her desk. There was locked pigeonhole, so I wanted to know what was inside.”

“Please, tell me that you’ve not broken this mechanism.”

“Not at all, officer.” Clarke smirked. “I tried to think as Costia would and I assumed that key should be nearby. So I thought that the good place to hide a key is under the place where it belongs… and I was right. Under the drawer there was a key stuck with a tape. I opened it and then, after taking photos, I locked it and put the key where it was. I have found some syringes with drugs probably, there were also marijuana and some powder in there, so I assume that if you had information about drugs you can obtain search warrant easily.”  
Ryder nodded, taking notes. “I would do everything that I could. And I think that with your help I would do more than I actually could some time ago, but… please, ladies. Even if I appreciate that you want to help miss Woods… please, don’t break the law again.”

“We won’t.” Clarke nodded, so did Anya. “And… thank you.”

“I would inform you if there would be something new in that case.” Officer Ryder smiled, she shook hands with both of her interlocutors and then Clarke and Anya were gone.

“What have you found by the way?” elder Woods’ sister asked and Clarke glanced at her with concern.

“I’m not sure if you want to know.” She answered. And Anya glanced at her in some way that Clarke just pulled out her phone and showed her.

“I’ll kill this bitch.” She snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Story is developing slowly, but constantly.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments. Let me know what you think about this one, I hope you liked it. :) and to all of you who are celebrating christmas - Merry Christmas!


	48. Knocking on heaven's door

The next day Clarke went to lectures, but she couldn’t focus on anything. Thank god there were just history lectures, boring and not really necessary for blonde to live. She was still thinking about what she had found in Costia’s pigeonhole. She couldn’t get rid of this pictures, they were still in her head. She felt slight vibration of her cell phone and she pulled it out, looking at the screen.

**Anya: Lexa’s with you?**

Clarke smiled a little, but she sighed and typed:

**Clarke: No, she’s not supposed to be home?**

She was waiting for response for a while, but Anya didn’t make her wait long.

**Anya: Yeah, but she disappeared. She’s not home and I’m already late to work...**

**Clarke: I’ll look for her after this lectu** **re, I promise. Do what you need to.**

**Anya: Thank you.**

Clarke sighed and she pulled out her sketchbook. She wasn’t sketching for quite long time, but she knew why was that. All that happened, it had drawn her attention for really huge amount of time. Blonde started sketching, because she was worried about Lexa. Where could she be?

When lecture was ending, she heard quiet buzz of vibrating phone. She pulled it out.

**Anya: Officer Ryder called me.**

**Clarke: And?**

**Anya: Costia’s gone.**

 

*****

 

“Fuck my life, where is she?” blonde whispered to herself, trying to figure out where Lexa could have been.

“Hey, Clarke, what’s up?” she heard Lincoln’s voice from behind her and she turned around to face him. When he had seen her worried face, he asked immediately: “What’s wrong?”

“Lexa’s not home and Anya is worried.” She stated. “Not to mention… police officer called us and said that Costia’s gone, so now I’m twice as worried as I’ve been before.”

“Fuck, can I help you? Where have you looked for her already?”

“Nowhere yet.” Clarke sighed. “I have no idea where she could be.”

“Hi, guys… what’s…?” Octavia joined them, but when Lincoln gave her quick kiss in the forehead and then he told her what was going on, she stiffed for a moment and she glanced at Clarke. “Okay, I’ll go check the gym, Lincoln, go to dojo and try to figure something out. Clarke… you can go check dance hall.”

“She’s injured, you really…” Clarke tried to oppose, but Octavia glanced at her without hesitation.

“She’s weird, Clarke, you know it better than we do.” She stated and blonde nodded. “So she could be anywhere. But if you’re thinking that she’s not in the dance hall, have she got any place when she could be?”

Clarke thought for a while. “Yeah, there is one place.” She said, looking at her friends. “I’ll go check it. Please, update me, if you’ll find her or not, okay?”

“Sure we will.” Octavia nodded and they separated their ways.

 

*

 

Clarke ran towards the forest and she turned in the road to this tiny jetty that Lexa loved. She ran through bulrush and she made her way to the lake. She started shouting Lexa’s name, but everything was quiet and steady. There was no one and Clarke’s heart rate accelerated.

“Fuck me, where are you?” she whispered, hoping that Costia didn’t find her. Lexa was still injured, she couldn’t fight so well, it was also possible that she couldn’t fight at all, so… Clarke was terrified. She was worried, so she ran back to the courtyard, trying to be calm, but when she received messages from Octavia and Lincoln that they didn’t find Lexa, her heart started to beat her ribs in very painful way. She glanced at the dance hall building. “Please, be there…” she groaned and she entered it as fast as she could.

When she was in, she heard music so she followed the sound. When she entered huge room with mirrors and when she noticed six dancers, she started looking around and she had finally found her. Clarke felt so much relief when she had seen Lexa. Octavia was right; she should had been looking for her in dance hall earlier than she actually did. She saw her friend on the bench, looking at her friends which Clarke assumed as The Grounders. Lexa was just observing dancers, but her eyes were carefully watching their moves, so Clarke thought that brunette had a purpose.

Blonde entered the hall quietly, in order not to disturb the dancers. She approached Lexa, sneaking near the wall, knowing, that brunette had already noticed her presence. Clarke sat down, looking at the dancers. She was, as always, mesmerized by them, but there was something that was missing and she exactly knew what was that: Lexa and her moves.

“Sorry for interrupting.” Blonde whispered to Lexa. “But… everybody was looking for you.” She stated, texting Anya, Octavia and Lincoln that she had found Lexa.

“Don’t be sorry.” Brunette smiled, but she didn’t glance at her interlocutor. She was still carefully watching every move of The Grounders. “I… I just had to meditate. Be somewhere else. Somewhere, where the ambiance is better for me than in my room or in hospital.”

“They are really good.” Clarke stated, looking at dancers and trying to let Lexa be comfy around her. “You’re making a choreography?”

“Kinda.” Lexa smiled. “We’re all doing this. We’re calling it team work. Christina, can you try to lock your hips a little harder?” she asked politely and this girl stepped forward.

“I tried, but I think that’s impossible for now. But if you can… can you show me?”  
“Sure.” Lexa nodded with gentle smile. She stood up and she was about to show it, but other girl had raised her hand.

“Lexa, look, it’s great to have you here again, but it’s time we…”

“Oh, yeah, sure! I’m sorry, guys!” brunette nodded, looking at her watch. “If you have to go, then just go. It was a pleasure to see you.”

“You too, gurl. We’re glad you’re here, with us, in one piece.”

“Me too.” Lexa smiled, receiving gentle squeezes in her healthy shoulder and most of the dancers were gone. Only Christina stayed.

“You have time, Chris?” Lexa asked looking at her and that girl smirked.

“Kinda. But I want to know how I’m supposed to work on these moves.” She stated. “And, after that, I’ve got classes. I can be late a little."

“Okay, then.” Lexa smiled. She stood next to Christina and she started to move her hips. “Look. Move, lock, move, lock. Visibly. Hard. Lock. See?”

Christina nodded and she tried. Brunette had seen that she still had problems with this part, so she caught her hip with one hand that she could use and she guided the girl and Clarke tried not to blush.

 _Don’t be jealous._ She thought. _They aren’t together._

And after several minutes Christine nodded. “Okay, I’ve got this.” She stated. “Thank you, Lexa.”

“You’re welcome.” Brunette smiled, when Christina went out of the dance hall. “Uh, Clarke, I’m so sorry. Now we are finally able to talk.” She smiled, turning to her friend. “Everything’s all right?"

“Yeah, I… um… I think so.” Clarke nodded quickly, trying to hide the rest of the jealousy. “Sorry, I just… drowned in thoughts.”

“I get it.” Lexa smiled comfortingly, then she turned her back to the blonde and she scratched her injured arm. “We’re one group, we’re like family, you know, Clarke?” she sighed, standing in front of the big mirror in this hall. Clarke glanced at her, thinking about Lexa’s ability to read her mind. That was unbelievable how greatly she could talk about something that blonde was just thinking about. “We’re attached to each other, because we’re in this together for a long time. We’re good friends. But nothing more than that. I think that… that nothing more.”

“Why are you saying that you think that nothing more?” Clarke glanced at her with concern and Lexa noticed that, because she could see blonde in the mirror.

“Sometimes I had strange impression that Christina… likes me more that she should.” Lexa sighed. “But I know that she’s just not sure about herself.”

“What are you talking about?” blonde approached brunette a little and Lexa shrugged.

“It’s hard and not really my story to tell. All you have to know is that I was once like her guide. I helped her, or she thought that I did. But it was all her. And now, she’s with us and sometimes she’s just looking at me differently. But I know that we’re just good friends.”

“Why are you…”

“I had seen how you were looking at her, Clarke.” brunette stated, trying not to mention anything else. “You know, I’m not sure about anything. But I’m sure that they are my friends at some point.”

Clarke sighed and she tried to understand what Lexa had in her mind when she told her that she was »not sure about anything«. She tried to understand what just happened.

“When you went there… there already had been their rehearsal or…?” she decided to change the subject.

“I was there before them.”

“What did you do here?” Clarke was a little bit surprised.

“I was thinking. As I said, I needed to meditate for a while. This place also helps me to calm down. Special atmosphere, you know.” Lexa shrugged carefully. “I was also working on some kind of choreography. New one.”

“You’re injured, Lex.” Clarke sighed.

“I tried to avoid moving this arm, Clarke.” Lexa glanced at her with understanding gaze. She knew that Clarke was just concerned, that she wasn’t complaining. “I really did.”

“Can you show me what you have?” blonde asked almost against herself. She exactly knew that she could not have wanted to see that because of Lexa’s condition. But she also really missed her dancing, she wanted to be able to see this special performance again.

“Oh, it’s… that’s not finished yet…” Lexa stuttered, but Clarke waved her hand.  
“That’s not a problem.” She smiled. “But, of course, if you don’t want to show me, I’ll understand.”

Lexa stiffed for a while, but she made her decision. When she saw Clarke taking few steps towards the bench that they had been sitting on during The Grounders’ rehearsal, she decided to take the risk.

She approached the hi-fi system and she turned it on once again. The air was filled with first tunes of _Knocking on heaven’s door_ by Raign. Lexa stood in the middle of the hall and she didn’t move, waiting for proper moment to start her dance. She glanced at Clarke, in the mirror, and she noticed that blonde stopped, surprised. She slightly smiled, because that was exactly the reaction she wanted to obtain from her.  
She started moving when Raign started to sing. Clarke looked at her, trying to understand what she was looking at. Lexa’s moves were careful, yet firm and precise. Her hand was obliged to do work for two, but it was coping with it. Lexa’s body was moving in the way that Clarke had never seen before. When drum joined the song, Lexa’s moves became stronger and she had been locking her body harder, but all of this had some kind of enormous tenderness in it. Blonde could feel the emotions streaming down Lexa’s limbs, she could sense every string of brunette’s feelings. They were becoming more and more visible with every move she did. Clarke couldn’t take her eyes off Lexa. Finally brunette turned to her and they locked their eyes. When emerald met blue there was a little explosion of incommunicable electricity between them. Lexa was approaching step by step, making new moves, creating a connection, showing Clarke that there was something between them, making it visible. Blonde took one step forward and their bodies met. Lexa was looking Clarke deep into the eyes and she was craving for Clarke’s attention, for Clarke’s emotions. And she knew that all she ever wanted was right there, in front of her. Lexa knew that this was that time. That then, or never.

She cupped Clarke’s cheek and she approached a little, making their noses bump. Blonde didn’t opposite, so Lexa assumed that as permission. She tilted a little and their lips finally met. Clarke’s lips were so warm and eager to greet Lexa’s. Brunette’s lips were tender and Clarke shivered when they had finally touched her own. She wanted to give all she had for this moment to last forever, but when Lexa tried to change her angle a little, she had a thought that maybe, just maybe, that wasn’t so colorful that she thought it was. Clarke broke the kiss, gently taking one step back from Lexa, not even looking at her. She was confused a little.

“Lexa, I…” she stuttered, but brunette didn’t say anything. She was just waiting, not making any move. “I… don’t know…”

“Lexa! Here you are!” They heard from the entrance and they turned to this person. It was Christine. Girl blushed hardly and she started stuttering. “I… I’m so sorry, did I…?”

“Not really.” Lexa stated. Clarke’s heart broke when she heard a little bit of sorrow in her voice. She wanted to tell her what she wanted to tell her, but she couldn’t do it so easily.

“There’s someone out there that wants to see you… I think this is urgent.” Christina said and Lexa nodded. “Would you…?”

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Brunette stated, looking at Clarke. “I… I’m sorry.” She whispered and she joined Christina to the way out.  
Clarke was standing there, looking at her back and then she turned to the mirror. She approached, gently touching her lips which remembered the great weight of Lexa’s lips.

“I don’t know if you love me like I love you or just like me more than common friends like each other…” she finished her sentence, looking at her eyes full of tears.

But Lexa was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. Merry Christmas!


	49. Say it

“What happened?” Lexa asked Christina, when they were making their way out of the building.

“She just got there and she was looking for you. She seemed to be quite desperate, so I decided to go for you… you know, I knew where you were, so… I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have…”

“You did good thing, Chris.” Lexa nodded, comforting her companion a little. She didn’t really know what was between her and Clarke, she didn’t expect such situation. “But I still didn’t know who is this.”

“Neither am I, I’m sorry.” She stated, looking behind and seeing Clarke that was making her way to the exit too.

Lexa was out of the building and she looked around.

“Lexa!” she heard the voice that she hated so much that she turned around with fury. She didn’t give her any moment to even move.

She was just in front of her, making her choke by lying her hand on her throat, hardly pushing her to the wall with her healthy arm.

“I have no chance to say that I would kill you next time I would see you.” She stated with cold fury in her voice. In Costia’s eyes there was pure dread. She couldn’t recall this state of Lexa’s behavior. She was thinking that brunette would always be calm and submissive. But these times were gone. “But I have never thought that you will be so stupid to come to me once again after what you’ve done.”

“What is that on your face?” Costia tried to touch her, but she stopped when she had seen Lexa’s sight.

“Touch me and I’ll break your arm without hesitation.” She snarled, but Costia tried to laugh, even though she was trapped and she was dependent to her.

“You can’t do it, sweetie.” Costia snorted with laughter. “I can see that you have only one arm left, so…”

She couldn’t end the sentence, because Lexa let her out of her hand, she kicked Costia with knee, making her bow, then she twisted her arm like police officers do and then she pushed her to the wall again, this time hitting Costia’s face towards hard surface. She felt her heart shattering because of this, but she knew that she would regret either later or not at all. Costia deserved treating like that, she deserved to know where she belonged after this damn thing she did with her friends.  
“I can cope with that, you fool. You’ve learned to underestimate me, but that’s not how the things are working now. I’m not this lost girl which I was when you had raped me.” She whispered hardly to Costia’s ear, making her stiff for a while. “And I would never be her again.”

“You haven’t got any proves.” She snorted. “Nobody would believe you.”

“You don’t know me, Cost.” Lexa stated, pulling her enemy harder to the wall. “I’m not that girl, I’ve already said it to you.” She hitched Costia and she pulled her to the wall again, catching her throat. She had to make things straight and she wanted to do it looking at the eye of her aggressor. “I know that it was you behind Quint and his friends. I know that it was you who ordered them to beat me up and deliver me to you like some kind of fucking sex toy. But I’m not one.” She stated and Costia laughed.

“Of course you’re not.” She giggled. “You can talk and that’s your major flaw.”

Lexa thought that her face couldn’t look worse, so she decided to hit Costia with her forehead right in her face. Costia groaned when she obtained the hit.

“So now you would listen to me.” Brunette said with voice ice cold and with so hard tune in it, that Costia looked afraid. She didn’t recognize Lexa and she wanted to just escape. She was triggered because of Lexa’s self-confidence. She wasn’t that Lexa she had used to know, not the one who did everything that she had told her to do. Not this submissive girl she used to be because she didn’t believe in her. “I was your girlfriend, but that’s not happening now or ever again. I’m not yours, because I belong to no one. You did me harm, you made me question meaning of my life, you forced me to think that I’m worthless, but I’m not. Maybe my life has no meaning now, but at least I’m not alone in it. I’m not like you, so I politely recommend you to get the fuck out of my life, because, if not, I would finally beat the shit out of you like you ordered your minions do to me. I know why you did that, Costia. I know that you wanted me with you so your sins would be safe, because I would have been too scared to even think about telling it to someone. But you know what? Some people already knows. And they believe me. So they do with this suspicion with battery. But, you can be sure, that when it come to my revenge, I would do it personally with certainly animalish pleasure.”

“Your life is worth everything I had, have and everything I will have.” Lexa heard from behind her. She recognized the voice. It was Anya. “Watch out.”

Brunette tilted and then she could see this one thing that she loved her sister for. Anya’s fist hitting Costia’s face with such force that Costia wasn’t even capable of groan. Lexa took her hand off of her throat and Costia hit the ground, but wasn’t capable of running away.

“Yeah, she maybe is one handed now, but, like she had said, she’s not alone. And there are always people eager to help her.” Anya spitted to the ground next to Costia’s shoes.  
“You will pay for it.” She snarled, trying to cover her face. “You’ll see.”

“No, first of all you’re paying for all your sins.” Anya squinted her eyes.

“You’re not making me do this.”

“Officer Oneeka Ryder, PCPD, Costia Knight, you’re under arrest.” They had heard from behind them.

“You have no right…!”

“We actually have. You’re suspect in case of sexual abuse and drugs.” Officer Ryder stated. “You have a right to remain silent.”

“And I suggest you to use it for now.” Anya smiled widely, hugging her sister gently. Officer Ryder took Costia to the car and she looked at Woods’ sisters.

“I asked you to not break the law again.” She stated, looking specifically at Anya.

“I know, but… she had already broken it, so…” she pointed Lexa and officer shook her head and tried not to shoot facepalm.

“Okay, you’ll get updated. It’s possible that we would need your statements because of that situation. And, of course, it’s high possibility that you two would be accused of battery.”

“No harm done.” Anya smiled. She was sure that she, if, would have been going to jail with satisfaction and pride. “At least Costia didn’t look as my sister after her turn.”

Officer Ryder didn’t say anything. She just got into the car and drove away.

 *

  
“What did she mean by »not breaking the law again«, An?” Lexa asked when they were safe home again. Clarke disappeared, but Lexa didn’t want to look for her. She was concerned about what happened to Anya, but she had also still feeling that she did something wrong, that she didn’t even thought about what she was doing when she kissed Clarke.

“Erm… nothing realy, sis.” Anya tried to make bad poker face, but Lexa raised one eyebrow and tried not to look sarcastic, but she failed. “Okay, okay, but… I don’t really know if you’re capable of bearing this right now.”

“For fuck’s sake, I’m right after hitting my ex in the face for all she had done to me. I’m mature, An, you can tell me whatever it is.” Lexa sat on the chair, looking carefully at her sister. “You have to tell me. Please.”

“I don’t have to do anything…”

“I can sense that’s connected with me. Please, An. I know it.”

Anya sighed and she looked at her sister with slight disbelief. Lexa was always weird, but sometimes this weirdness was scaring her sister.

“I… We… we were at Costia’s place and we’ve found a proof of this rape she did.” Anya said during one breath and Lexa stiffed.

“You did what?” she asked, trying not to let herself punch her sister in the face because of her stupidity. “You broke into her apartment? You… you was there?”

Anya didn’t really say anything, she just nodded and Lexa groaned.

“I can’t believe it. You’re so stupid… wait. You were with Clarke?” she was a little bit disappointed that nobody had said anything to her. She glanced at Anya, but her sister remained silent as she was and she didn’t even look at her. “Say something!”

“What can I say?” Anya almost whispered. “There’s nothing to say here.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Lexa snapped and she looked around, trying to find Clarke. She did, so she left her sister, trying not to explode internally. She approached Clarke, she was panting and blonde was quite frightened about what happened. “Is that true that you and my sister were at Costia’s…?” she started without hesitation, not even waiting for Anya to come and try to say something in Clarke’s presence.

“What…?” Blode stiffed, trying to understand what was going on. “Oh… how did you know?”

“Anya told me, because I made her to.” Lexa stated. “But I want to know if that’s true that you were with her.”

“Yeah, I was.” Clarke nodded, confirming this information. She knew that lying to these green eyes would make no sense.

“And why didn’t you tell me about it?” she asked, trying to understand.

“You would never let us go.” They heard Anya’s voice.

“Of course I wouldn’t!” she almost shouted, turning to her sister with big frown on her face. “I wouldn’t, because I know how she was for real, okay? I know that she was dangerous and I know that she still is. I know that in her house there are many strange things that you shouldn’t even know about, not to mention seeing them. But, at least, maybe I counted on you for just saying me this. And you didn’t even think about it, right?”

“I’m sorry…” Clarke blushed with shame, but Lexa shook her head.

“That’s probably not even your fault.” She glanced at Anya. “Knowing my sister for so long I could sense whose this idea was.”

Anya didn’t say anything. Neither did Clarke.  
“But I know that you had to find something, just because she was arrested. Would you mind telling me or is that another secret you would rather keep to yourself?” Lexa glanced at the two women and Clarke sighed. So did Anya, both of them knew that with Lexa in this mood they would never win.

“I found the tape with everything that she’d done to you, Lex.” Anya whispered that nobody but her sister could hear her.

“And I had found some pictures that she was taking of you when you didn’t know she was doing it. You know, neutral situations, but there were also some pictures from under the shower and even couple of made in photoshop. Your face was pasted on porn photos…”

“Are you fucking kidding me…”

“You would kill her if we had told you that, I knew it.” Anya sighed. “And that’s all. Same as you have never told me properly of what she had done to you, Lex.”

“I… I want to be alone for a while. I have to think…” younger Woods’ sister shook her head and tried to hide her eyes filling with tears. Clarke tried to approach, but brunette reached out her hand and she stopped her. “Please, don’t…” she whispered and she ran away, making her way towards home. Clarke glanced at Anya with sorrow on her face.

“We shouldn’t have told her that, should we?” she asked and Anya shook her head.

“She would know this. Better from us.” She sighed. “But I don’t think I should be with her now.”

“What do we do?” Blonde asked, but Anya shrugged. Then she pointed at one person in the crowd.

“He is looking at you for a while. Maybe you should ask him why.” She stated and Clarke turned around to see this guy. She stiffed when she saw who was looking at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is another chapter. I'm sorry that this is so bad, but I would write something better for the next chapter. Christmas was tough for me. It's always tough.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your kudos, for comments, tell me what you think about this. If you have some idea, if you want to yell at me, write to me on my tumblr - firepath.
> 
> Take care, until Tuesday, guys. And Happy New Year!


	50. Invitation

“So, who is this? You didn't react quite notmally.” Anya asked, trying to understand Clarke’s attitude, but blonde sighed and she glanced at her interlocutor.

“I overreacted, An.” She stated, turning her back to this boy. “It’s Finn, Raven’s ex boyfriend and I’m sure she had said something about him to you.”

“Not really.” Anya rised her eyebrow. “But… why is he starring at you?”

“I don’t really know, but I’m pretty sure that we should go and try to figure out if Lexa would forgive us.”

Anya sighed and nodded. She was really concerned about her sister, but she also knew that brunette wouldn’t talk about what she heard from them. Clarke was hopeful that she would have a chance to talk to Lexa about what happened in the dance hall, because blonde could still feel the weight of Lexa’s warm lips on her own lips and she still had the picture of Lexa’s emerald eyes in front of her, looking at her with something special… and her dance. Her special dance. It was amazing. Blonde needed to talk to Lexa.  
But they also needed time, because brunette asked for that. So women decided to respect that require.

 

*

  
Clarke was attending her classes and she was horribly bored, because history lectures this day were terrible. Blonde was sitting and trying not to hit the table with her forehead. She pulled out her sketchbook when the second lecture had been lasting for about ten minutes and she started sketching.

She couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa and about everything that happened since she had met her braided friend. She knew about her so little, but she was glad that Lexa wanted to share something about her with Clarke. She knew that what she knew was just a top of a mountain and Lexa was a great mystery to her, but she was sure that someday brunette will trust her enough to tell Clarke everything about her. About all her fears, about all Clarke didn’t really know. She was sketching Lexa, as usual, because her mind was wandering. Blonde was thinking about her friend, this time in dance hall, but also about the conversation that Lexa, Anya and she had. They were talking about Costia, about the evidence that Clarke and Anya had found, also about that police decided to take a look on Costia’s place and women knew that police would find everything in there. They were certain that Costia would go behind the bars even before she would be able to say her name out loud.

„What you’re thinking about?” she heard and she stopped letting her mind wander. She glanced at Raven, who had to already finish her classes and who decided to talk to Clarke for a few minutes of break. Blonde was so absorbed with drawing that she didn’t notice that the lecture ended.

„Nothing.” Clarke shut her sketchbook. „And why are you disturbing me?”

„What are you sketching, then?” Raven was curious, but Clarke slided her mini atelier far away from latina's hands.

„Nothing to be so curious about.” She stated, smirking. „And you’re here because...?”

„Because Lexa's not.” Raven grinned. „At least I can’t see her, so... why is that?”

„She had doctor's appointment.” Clarke shrugged, not so eager to explain everything to her friend. „And I didn’t ask her why.”

„Is she ill?” Raven seemed worried. „Anya didn’t...”

„Anya has nothing to say to you, Rae. That's Lexa's thing.” Clarke cut the conversation.

“Everything okay between you? You know, that moment that you were talking about…”

“Yeah, it’s okay now. She understood that we did everything for her, not to harm her, but to help… And you’re here not to ask me about Lexa. I can feel it.”

„Yes, sort of, but I’m glad that you get along anyway.” Raven shrugged. „Finn was looking for you.”

„WHAT?” Clarke was surprised. She remembered his sight sent in her direction, but she was sure that he was just staring at her without any specific reason. „Why...?”

„He asked me to go with him to the prom.” she stated. „You know, as his partner but I refused. And he asked me if you will go with him instead of me.”

„Is he completely freak or am I mad.”

„I told him that he should find you himself and just ask.” She said totally indifferent. „Because I’m not the right person to answer his question.”

„I don’t want to talk to him either.” Clarke sighed, hiding her sketchbook in her bag.

„What are you doing?” Raven was surprised and she glanced at her watch. „You have five minutes of break left and you had lectures after that...”

„Yeah, and I don’t want to waste my time here.” Blonde shrugged. „I'd rather be with you trying to avoid Finn.” She smiled and quickly left lecture hall. “You know, I’m always the careful one.”

“Since when?” Raven raised her eyebrow, looking at Clarke with surprise. “I saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire once.”

“That was when I was drunk.” Clarke blushed, but Raven shook her head.

“So you’re not careful.” Latina grinned.

 

*

  
„Clarke? Clarke!” she heard male voice from behind her back. She didn’t turn, because she knew who was that. She knew that voice. It had to be Finn. „Hey, Clarke, please! Please, stop!” he shouted and blonde eventually stopped and waited for him, but she didn’t turn around.

He reached her and walked by a little for seeing her face. When Clarke saw his face, she winced. Raven was gone in engineers' building and she had something to do. She assured Clarke that it would not last long, ten minutes max, but blonde knew that latina was never at time, but she was used to it and she just decided to wait as long as she had to. And that’s why Clarke was alone when Finn finally saw her on the courtyard and called her.

„Finn, I had nothing to tell you.” She shrugged at the very beginning to tell him that she’s not interested in conversation. Yet he decided to, at least, try.

„I know that you’re mad because of what I did to Raven...” he started and Clarke rolled her eyes. “But I know you still love me.”

“I’d sell you to Satan for a bucket of KFC, don’t test me.” Clarke snorted, but Finn was prepared for her.

“Can you not use the sarcasm, please?”

“Only if you can speak without the usual level of stupidity, Finn.” Clarke crossed her arms and he sighed.

„Please, just listen to me for a while, okay? I will be quick, okay?”

„Time starts.” Clarke glanced at her watch and raised one eyebrow. Finn nodded.

„I cheated on Raven because she left me no choice. I... I tried to tell her that she’s the one for me and she was rejecting me again and again. Even if she knew that I’m no longer into you.”

„That’s not great explaination.” Clarke shrugged. „And nothing can justify what you did.”

„I've had enough. I tried my best and she was jealous, because she thought that I was still thinking about someone else.” His voice was apologetic.

Clarke knew what he was talking about. He was her boyfriend when he met Raven for the first time. He had known that latina is Clarke’s best friend and Raven knew that Finn is Clarke’s boyfriend. And, obviously, she did knew the rules – Clarke's boyfriend so no hitting on him. One day he just went to her and explained that he was in love with somebody. Somebody who’s name wasn’t Clarke Griffin. She had taken this information and she asked him who’s the lucky one. He stated that was Raven. Clarke was mad, she was furious, but she knew that Raven did nothing that Finn could take for encouragement to split up with Clarke. But he did it and they roads were separated but in the good ways. Finn didn’t cheat on her, so Clarke was grateful for that. And, after all, he cheated on Raven and both of them, Clarke and latina, couldn’t neither forgive nor forget him what he did.

„Finn, I still don’t have a clue why you’re telling me that.” she stated with anger. „I’m Raven's friend and I'm not mad at her because you fell in love with her. I got it then and I get it now. You’re no longer her boyfriend, but you’re not mine either. So... what’s the point that you’re trying to explain this old stuff?” Clarke looked him in the eye. „I’m not mad at you. I’m totally indifferent towards you.”

„I’m trying to ask you... would you mind to go with me to the prom?” he asked eventually and Clarke squeezed her nose base with her fingers. She looked at him and she firmly and suddenly shook her head.

„No, I'm not interested in it.” She stated. „I forgave you that you wanted to be with another one. That was okay, you were okay for me. But you cheated on my best friend and I will not forgive it. And, certainly, I will not forget it. So... go fuck yourself, Finn. Try somebody else.” She turned around and she started going away. Finn was upset.

„Clarke, PLEASE, try to understand...” he groaned and Clarke stopped. She glanced at him with anger.

„Don’t you dare asking for understanding, because you showed none. I'm not going with you to the prom.” She snapped and she decided to leave before he would say something.

„If... if you change your mind, you know my phone number!” he shouted at the end, but Clarke just ignored him.

*

 

„Where you've been? You promised me to wait.” Raven was a little bit disappointed when she met Clarke at blonde's dorm. She sat on her bed and glanced at her with suspicion. „Why you’re here?”

„Finn.” Clarke shrugged, trying not to look at Raven's face. „He asked me about the prom.”

„And?” latina was waiting for the next part. Clarke sighed.

„I told him that's no chance.” she stated. „I reminded him of what he had done, he wanted a little bit of understanding from me. I haven’t given him any.”

„Clarke, you’re the best.” Raven smiled widely. „I... you know that you didn’t have to?” latina asked and Clarke nodded.

„Yeah, I know.” She smiled sadly. „But I knew I wanted to.” She stated. „Let’s talk about something nicer that Finn.”

„How’s the things between you and Lexa?” Raven asked curiously once again this day and this time Clarke greeted her question with relief.

„I think that... all's good. Lexa is so closed and she isn’t really into talking about her, but...”

„Anya told me the same.” Raven nodded with understanding. „She told me that she doesn’t really know shit about her sister.”

„Because Lexa doesn’t want her to.” Clarke slightly smiled. „She doesn’t want anybody to know. You know, she feels safer when she can keep her secrets hidden.”

“Is that because she was using too much »no more tears« shampoo in her childhood?”

“I don’t really know.” Clarke laughed.

„But… doesn’t want anybody to know… even you?” latina asked, smirking.

„Even me.” Clarke nodded with dreamy smile. „I don’t push her. And if she wants to talk to me, she could always do this.”

„But... isn’t it weird? You have a sister and this sister, who’s your family and who you are living with, because your parents live far away and you want to study where you study...” Raven was speaking and Clarke wandered if she could tell her friend about Lexa and Anya's parents, but she decided, similarly to elder sister, that Lexa should do it her way. Clarke was a little bit surprised that Anya didn’t tell Raven about her and Lexa’s parents, but she assumed, looking at Raven and knowing latina for seven years on, that she is so absorbing that there was possibility that Anya just couldn’t tell her girlfriend about it because of lack of time. Or that she had done it, but Raven just forgot. The second option was way more possible.

„A little, but I like her the way she is.” Clarke shrugged and Raven grinned cordially.

„Yeah, Clarke. I know that.” She stated and Clarke blushed.

They were silent for the next several hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Finn, you fucking bastard.
> 
> Happy New Year! Thank you for being with me this whole time and I hope that you will stay to the end of this story. :) thank you for all kudos, all comments, all ideas. Feel free to leave them, let me know what you think about that. I hope you liked this one. :)
> 
> New year, old me, take care until Friday!


	51. Alcohol

A few days after Clarke still hadn’t got any proper occasion to talk to Lexa about what happened between them in the dance hall. She was looking for this, she was desperatively praying for any opportunity to talk, but the world seemed to be negative towards that. Either Lexa was occupied by very important things or Clarke couldn’t find some time alone and her friends were always near. Telling them that she want to be alone would be rude, because she had not said about what happened. But she was still thinking about it and that was making her sick.

„So, you wanted to drink something?” Raven asked and she put at least ten bottles of beer on Clarke’s table when they threw a party because of nothing. Latina insisted on this, so Clarke agreed just to gain moment of solitude after that. „I brought that.” She smiled, looking at Lexa’s surprised face.

„Oh, I... I didn’t know...” she started. „I... I don’t want to disturb you, so...” Lexa was about to stand up and go home, but Clarke caught her wrist and forced brunette to look at her.

„You’re not disturbing, Lex.” She smiled, trying to convince her just via her eyes. „I... I thought that maybe you'd like to stay with us.”

„But... I... you know, I... can’t drink.” Lexa shyly pointed at the bottles with alcohol.

„Oh, you don’t like beer?” Raven seemed surprised. „No problem, dude, I will go for something else. Cider? Wine? Maybe something stronger? Vodka? No... whiskey?”

„No, Raven, don’t get me wrong, I’m not into...” Clarke could see that Lexa was a little bit ashamed because of her attitude. Raven didn’t give up.

„Get it, no whiskey... Calvados! Everybody likes calvados!” she shouted happily and she was on her way to the door when Clarke caught her T-shirt on the back and pulled her closer.

„I'm sure that I warned you, you stupid bitch, that she's non-alcoholic. She doesn’t drink alcohol at all.” Clarke drawled. „I told you that before you decided to go to the market.”

„Oh. Fuck. Right.” Raven froze, looking at Clarke’s face which was totally full of anger. „I... I'm so sorry, I... she was drinking with us once, so… I forgot.”

„YOU FORGOT ABOUT SOMETHING I TOLD YOU JUST BEFORE YOU'VE LEFT?!” Clarke was furious, but Lexa was ready to stop her friend. She squeezed gently blonde's shoulder and she prayed for patience and for no panick attacks.

„Clarke, that’s okay.” She stated. „Raven didn’t know about that and that’s... she’s right, I drank with you guys once. I don’t really know if it wasn’t non-alco beer or just very low percentage, but that’s the fact.”

„SHE DID KNEW.” Clarke snapped angrily and aggresively. „I have told her.”

„Then she forgot.” Lexa shrugged as if nothing happened. „Hey, Clarke, that’s no big deal, I’m sure that you have some water here.”

„In the fridge, but...”

„Seriously, forgetting is common issue.” Lexa smiled, winking to Raven.

„I’m so sorry, Lexa, I... no offence...”

„None taken.” Brunette nodded. „I'm fine.”

„I... I'll be right back.” Raven stated and, before Lexa could say a word, she was gone. Maybe because of Clarke’s anger, maybe because of her remorse... Lexa didn’t know. But Raven went out and they were waiting for Octavia. And Lexa was only with Clarke in her dorm.

„There was no need for overreacting, Clarke.” Lexa said calmly as she faced blonde.„Mistakes are normal. Same as crying while reading a good book.” She stated. They were alone for a second and Clarke wasn’t able to start the proper conversation. She also knew that Raven could be back any minute.

„Strange comparison...” Clarke smiled a little, knowing that Lexa loved reading as much as blonde loved drawing. „But still... when she was about to go for something, I told her that you’re not drinking, so she should bring something what doesn’t contain alcohol and yet...”

„Hey, Clarke, keep calm.” Lexa smiled and took blonde's hand for squeezing it gently.„She's crazy a little, you can’t blame her because she forgot... I WAS drinking with you, so there’s no real cause for me not to drink, but… did you gave her explanation?”

„What?” Clarke seemed surprised. She glanced at Lexa and saw her smiling.

„You didn’t.” Brunette assumed. „Raven is a person who needs explanation when you ask her for something. A good explanation. Especially when the circumstances aren’t really good. And statement that »Lexa doesn’t drink because she doesn’t« is not either. You know, she could just think that I don’t drink because I don’t want to, not because there’s some deep explanation for this.”

„But...”

„Don’t blame her, please.” Lexa smiled gently. „She’s doing her best the way she is. Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody’s perfect.”

„Please, are you quoting Hannah Montana?” Clarke asked and laughed.

„Nah, I’m quoting Lexa Woods.” She stated. „But still. Don’t be mad at her.”

„I'll try. But I don’t promise anything. I still hate her for her ignorance.”

„That’s your decision.” Lexa smiled and Raven was back. She tripped on the threshold and she was in the room with loud boom.

„FUCK THIS SHIT...!” she shouted and both, Clarke and Lexa, laughed. „Shut up, men, I'm suffering here!”

„You got what you deserve.” Clarke shrugged while laughing hard. Lexa helped Raven to stand up and latina glanced at blonde unpleasantly.

„You see? Lexa could help me, you bastard! She’s good person, not like you.”

„Hey, enough, guys.” Octavia said, entering the room and seeing Raven picking up stuff from floor. Lexa was helping her. „I brought something non alcoholic because I overheard that you don’t drink.” O. smiled and put her bag on the table, looking at Lexa who blushed at the moment. „And I was pretty sure that even if Clarke told Raven to remember that, she didn’t give a shit.”

„I’m not...” Raven started, but Octavia interrupted her.

„Oh, don’t even try to deny it.” She smiled. „We all know you way too good.”  
Raven remained silent.

„What do you want to do?” Lexa asked curiously when Octavia opened three beers and handed her a can of coke. She was grateful for that.

„Usually we just sit and talk.” Raven smiled a little, but Octavia laughed.

„And when we all are drunk as fuck we're used to play some shit games like truth or dare.” She stated looking at latina and Lexa smiled.

„I always hated playing this game.” She admitted.

„Why?” Raven couldn’t resist asking.

„Oh, because the bottle seemed always to have some kind of magnet or some shit like that.” She answered. „You know, I was always the one who did everything stupid.”

„I assume that you've never chosen truth then?” Octavia asked, sipping her beer. Lexa opened her can with loud hiss.

„Yup, you’re right.” She smiled. „Talking was never my part. And after all, playing wasn’t my part anymore.”

„I'm not sure if I want to know what you've done, Lexa.” Raven stated suspiciously, but brunette shook her head, taking sip from her can.

„No, you don’t.” She grinned. „And I don’t want to remember that shit.”

All of them laughed. The party was on.

 

*

  
Few hours after Raven was insanely legless, Octavia was a little bit drunk and Clarke was pretty fine, because Lexa was totally sober. Blonde drank maybe two beers and she changed her drinking interests into sodas.

„Guurrrrrrlsssss!” Raven raised her hand with glass of calvados. „We haveeeeeeee to drinnnk.”

„Don’t you think that you've got enough?” Clarke asked, looking at her friend.

„Noooo, beco-... bec-... beCAUSE this hot, skinny bitch is sober and I have to drink twice as much. For meeeee and for heeeeeer.” She stated, pointing at the wall behind Lexa, because she had a problem with pointing exactly at her. Brunette blushed hardly, trying not to laugh too hard.

„I'm sorry….” She stated, glancing at Clarke and hoping to find some help in her eyes. „But ...”

„I know, just... ignore her.” Clarke waved her hand.

„I... I'll go to the toilet, you...”

„Oh, yeah, I got this situation, I can handle it.” She smiled. „Take your time.”

Lexa smiled and she went straight to the bathroom. Raven pointed at her.

„You love her. Why don’t you tell her that?” she asked, murmuring.

„Because I don’t know if she feels the same.” Clarke shrugged. „You’re drunk, Rae. Enough drinking.”

„Let her have one more drink and maybe she will die.” Octavia giggled. „You know, just in case.”

„If I were you, I'll fuck her immediately.” Raven stated. „Because she’s damn hot.”

„Don’t you even dare saying that.” Clarke would rather be sure that Raven knew where the borders went. And she knew that there wasn’t anything to be jealous for. At least when Raven had been sober. Clarke knew that Lexa was hot, she had been noticing it every time she was looking at brunette, but she also knew that it wasn’t the most important thing about that girl.

„Okay, okay.” Latina smiled. „Sorry?”

„You better be.” She stated, squinting her eyes.

„What’s up?” Lexa was back and she sit on the floor between Raven and Clarke. „What are we talking about?”

„You.” Raven chuckled and Lexa rised her eyebrow.

„Me?” she asked, not understanding much. „Clarke...?”

„She's legless.” Blonde snapped. „Don’t...”

„We’re talking about that you’re so fucking hot that I will fuck you right now and I can’t understand why Clarke didn’t want to.” She stated before Clarke could react. „I sometimes wonder how it is to be with somebody so close as you two are and not wanting more than friendship.”

Lexa blushed and Clarke noticed that her hands turned into fists. She set her teeth and blonde was certain that this situation is, for Lexa, more than uncomfortable. So was for her.

„Shut the fuck up.” Blonde said, but Raven didn’t want to stop.

„No, why? You can’t deny that she is hot, can you? No. You’re horny for her from the very beginning, you were looking at her body, you didn’t know her face.” It was so damn interesting, that Raven was hammered and she could speak this way. „And I admitted that she's great, she was and she is hot, then why don’t you even try to be with her? Why don’t you tell her...”

Clarke veiled latina's mouth with her hand, but Raven didn’t let her doing it for too long.  
„WHY DON’T YOU TELL HER THAT YOU WANT TO FUCK HER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING ON SINCE TRIBAL DANCE NIGHT?!”

„I... I'm sorry. That’s… too much, I think.” Lexa stood up and she exited the room so fast that Clarke couldn’t react, again. Octavia was stunned, and she didn’t know what to say. Clarke leaped up and she ran after Lexa.

„LEXA!” she shouted, but brunette was gone. „Damn, fuck.” Clarke snapped and she went back to her dorm. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” she shouted at Raven, but she didn’t answered. „YOU... I CAN’T. I JUST CAN’T.” She barely staved off of slapping Raven right into her face. „How could you do it...”

„I'm dissapointed.” Octavia shook her head. „I... I'm wordless.”

„Me too.” Clarke hid her face in her hands. „I don’t know what to say.”

„Try to call Lexa.” Octavia stated. „Maybe she will talk to you.”

„She won’t.” Clarke shook her head with tears in her eyes. „Not now. But I do know to whom I should call now.” She stated and she went out of her dorm and she tapped Finn's number on her phone. Before she hit the green icon, she snapped at latina: “And I didn’t tell her that, because I’ve never thought that, Raven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda like drunk Raven, but that was just inappropriate. She was a bitch this time. Anyway, I hope that Lexa wouldn't take the offence.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments. I'm always happy that you guys are here and that you're leaving your opinion. Let me know what you think about that one, feel free to write to me on my tumblr firepath.tumblr.com and take care!
> 
> Until Thursday!


	52. Lake

When blonde came back to her dorm and after helping Octavia with Raven's nearly-corpse, she sat on her bed and she started crying. She had enough. Everything that Raven did was below low and she was tremendously disappointed with her friend. She should have known what latina can do while being drunk as shit. But Clarke didn’t expect that Raven could say such a thing.

She also felt guilty because of what she'd done after the situation when Lexa disappeared. She called Finn and she told him that she would go with him to the prom. Boy was surprised yet happy and Clarke felt no remorse. Until then.

I’m fucked up. She thought. I betrayed Raven... but she deserved that. As hell she deserved.

However, she knew that her decision was bad, but she didn’t even think about calling Finn once again and saying that was a mistake. She assumed that going to the prom with him couldn’t be so bad, because, after all, he had always been okay towards women.

 

*

 

Next day Clarke went to the courtyard and she thought that she should find Lexa. It was Friday, this day all students had special classes and Clarke knew that Lexa had engineering classes, so she waited for her friend next to building's door, but brunette didn’t appear. Clarke was a little bit upset, but she went to her classes. She thought that was understandable, because Lexa shared her classes with Raven. If Raven had come what was certainly doubtable, because of possible hangover that she had.

**Clarke: Hi, I'm so sorry for Raven. Yesterday she behaved like an animal, she’s not always like that, I... please, don’t be mad.**

Clarke sent message to Lexa, but brunette didn’t reply. Clarke sketched all day, because professor Newman asked them to, and she was half focused on what she was doing and half focused on her phone. She tried to reach Lexa whenever she could and she was calling her during breaks. Nothing, Lexa gave her no sign.

**Clarke: Lexa, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t hurt you. You can’t be mad at me... Call me, please.**

Lexa didn’t replied. Clarke was upset and angry. She finished her work, handed it to professor Newman and, after that, she was running towards engineers' building. She decided to wait for Lexa and try to explain the whole situation. The door released crowd but among the people there wasn’t brunette. Clarke tried to find her, but she couldn’t.

„Who are you looking for?” she heard low voice from behind her back. She turned around and she saw Wick.

„Hi, I’m... I’m waiting for Lexa Woods. But I don’t think that you know her.” Clarke stated.

„Woods? You mean this cyborg girl? New one in second class?”

„She’s not a cyborg.” Clarke stated with voice cold as ice. „She... she just like what she's doing.”

„Yeah, I was just kidding, easy, man…” he raised his hands in defensive move. “She got time for everything and she still has the best grades in her group, she’s even better than Raven and that’s something.” Wick stated. „And I do know her... like, everybody does. She helped us constructing our mini cart for annual race. And, also, she is in the middle of recruitment process for being a driver.”

„I didn’t know.” Clarke was amazed. What else Lexa can do and she didn’t know about?

„Actually… only a few people does.” He shrugged. „But, anyway, you were asking about her. She was absent today and before you ask me why I know that, I'll tell you that I had information for her. It's about this recruitment and I couldn’t reach her. So... maybe you do?”

„I'm not sure if I can reach her today, but if I do, I can tell her what I had to.”

„I need to tell her that Monday she has to go to the doctor and, after that, if everything will be OK, to the dean for approval. She will know what I'm talking about. I couldn’t reach her on her phone, but I heard that you two are friends, so... maybe you will be successful.”

„How do you know we’re friends?” Clarke asked suspiciously, thinking that Raven might tell him something stupid or so. Blonde knew that latina really liked Wick.

„Lexa told me so.” He smiled. „She's quite closed and she didn’t like to talk about herself much. But she told me that you two are kinda friends and I assume that you’re her only friend here.”

„She was talking to you, Wick.” Clarke stated. „She has more friends than only me.”

„Well, maybe, but she assume you as her only one friend. She treat us as her mates, not friends. But, I have to go. Send me a message if you succeeded telling her or not!” he smiled widely and he was gone into the building.

Wick was in the middle of his doctorate and he was great teacher and, also, mate. Everybody liked Wick, but nobody told that out loud. His ego was pumped up enough.

Clarke shook her head and she wandered for some time. She texted Anya.

**Clarke: Hi, Anya, I got question. Is Lexa home?**

**Anya: No, isn’t she at school now?**

**Clarke: No, I spoke with Wick a while ago and he told me that Lexa wasn’t at school today.**

**Anya: I have no idea where is she. But I’m sure that she’s not home.**

**Clarke: OK, thanks. If I find her, I'll text you.**   
**Anya: I'll be grateful.**

And when Clarke almost lost her hope, she had an idea.

„I know where you might be, pretty lady.” She stated and she ran like someone was chasing her.

 

*

  
„Lexa?” Clarke asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the silence of the place she was at.  
She went through bulrush and she was finally on the bay with this small jetty she knew from last time. She hadn't seen brunette and she felt defeated.

Clarke sat on the jetty and she stared at the water. She was alone and she could only think about Lexa.

„Where are you then...?” she whispered and then she heard water splashing. She started to looking for reason of that sound. Finally she saw her.

It was Lexa. She was swimming in the lake. Her moves were furious but regular. Clarke could see that brunette was angry as fuck, she was hitting the water surface with her hands like hammers and she was swimming very, very fast. Clarke texted Anya.

**Clarke: Found her.**

**Anya: Hope she’s safe with you.**

**Clarke: No doubt. :)**

„Lexa!” blonde yelled as loud as she could just to make sure that brunette could hear her. Lexa stopped swimming and she looked around. As she saw Clarke she plunged below the surface and she was next to jetty for less than one minute. She went out the water and she squatted next to Clarke, water streaming through her whole body and dribbling on the jetty.

„What are you doing here?” she asked calmly. Clarke didn’t notice any signs of anger or abomination.

„I... Lexa, I'm so, so sorry because of Raven. I... I have never expected such disappointment of her...”

„Don’t apologize.” Lexa smiled and she sat on the jetty. She had her swimsuit in two parts and Clarke could barely resist of staring at her great muscled body. „She was drunk and I... I overreacted.”

„No, you didn’t.” Clarke protested. „Your reaction is understandable. You know... I...”

„Shhh.” Lexa put her finger into Clarke’s lips. „None offence taken. I know that some people are way too honest and sincere when they are legless like Raven was. I will probably not speak to her for some time, but I don’t blame you because of that situation.”

„You don’t...?” Clarke seemed to be surprised. Lexa nodded.

„Yeah, of course that I’m not. Raven is an adult, she can think and she is responsible for what she’s doing. If somebody can’t drink, then she or he shouldn’t drink much. And Raven... well, she certainly overacted. But shame on her, not on you.” Lexa stated. „I'm not mad at you, because I had no reason for it.”

„Thank you...” Clarke sighed with relief. „But... I’m just sorry.”

„I know, but there’s no need.” Lexa smiled. „You came here just because of that?” she asked and Clarke nodded.

„I wanted to wait for you, but I met Wick after our classes. He had told me that you were absent today and we were talking for a while. We tried to contact with you, but you didn’t answer your phone...”

„Oh shit, I must have thrown it to the towel and my stuff. I was swimming all day and...”

„I was sure that you’re so fucking mad at me.” Clarke sighed. „And that you don’t want to answer my texts anymore.”

„Don’t be a fool.” Lexa shook her head. „I had just laid it somewhere and tried to relax. Nothing more.”

Clarke felt relieved at some point. She thought that she should probably say something about the dance hall, but she recalled the conversation with Wick, so she decided to tell Lexa about it first and then maybe try to talk about the kiss.

„Okay. Wick told me that Monday they want you to go to the doctor and then, when everybody will be okay, to the dean for some approval...? I didn’t understand exactly what he was talking to me about, but it seems to be important so I... I tried.”

„Seriously?” Lexa’s eyes widened. „I have to go to the dean...?”

„Is that bad? Everything's okay?” Clarke didn’t know what to do. Lexa hugged her suddenly and blonde felt her wettness coming from Lexa’s swimsuit.

„For fuck's sake that’s great! So great!” She shouted, standing up and smiling like she was crazy. „That’s the best information I could gain! Thank you, Clarke!”

„You’re welcome?” Clarke was puzzled, because she had never been expecting such emotional reaction from Lexa..

„Euh... Clarke... I thought that... maybe... maybe you want to come to me tomorrow and play some board games? Anya will be home and there will be great opportunity to spend some time together...? Or maybe, before, you would want to go to the cinema… with me…?” Lexa asked shyly, but Clarke became upset. Brunette noticed it immediately and she started to apologize. „I... I'm sorry. If... if you didn’t want to... I… I will understand. Because... you know, I'm not the best person to spend your time with, so...”

„Lexa, stop. You’re great person to spend my time with, just... I can’t do it tomorrow. Whenever, but no tomorrow, because I... I'm going to the prom with Finn, he asked me yesterday and I agreed and the prom is tomorrow, so...” she didn’t even know why she told her the truth, why didn’t she tell Lexa something different. God, even statement that the next day she will be breaking her legs would be better than what she had actually done. And she knew that she failed, again, on talking with Lexa about dance hall, because Clarke had seen Lexa’s reaction.

„Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it.” Lexa smiled a little. „It’s fine, I understand. So... maybe another time.”

„It will be great.” Clarke smiled. „You’re sure that it’s fine?” she asked carefully.

„Totally.” Lexa gave her assuring smile and she stood up again. „I have to go, Clarke. I should tell Anya about that news you’ve brought to me.” She stated. She picked up her stuff from grass next the jetty and she was gone into the forest. Clarke sighed.

„I hope that I didn’t screw it up.” She thought.

„For fuck's sake, Woods, how could you even think that Clarke could be gay?” Lexa slated herself while running through the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke could be stupid. Just very, very stupid. But I hope that she will finally see things as they are and she would talk to Lexa.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your reactions, fpr the kudos and comment you've left! Feel free to leave more, tell me what you're thinking about it. :) hope you liked it somehow.
> 
> Take care, until friday!


	53. Not a shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so, so, so sorry! I forgot to update, because I was busy doing stuff for my graduation science work. I hate that I cannot update, please, forgive me. I hope you'll like it somehow.

**CLARKE**

Clarke was sitting in her dorm and she was preparing for her meeting with Finn. She recalled some moments when she was with him. It was good, but now she knew that it wasn’t so special. She had never been feeling such strong affection like she was feeling while being next to Lexa. With brunette Clarke was free, she didn’t have to pretend somebody that she wasn’t. She could say anything she wanted and she knew that Lexa wouldn’t condemn her.

„Hey, Clarke, may I come in?” she heard knocking on her door and the voice belonged to Octavia, so Clarke let her in. Octavia shut the door behind her and she sat on the chair, next to Clarke. She was prepared for the prom, because Lincoln asked her out and she happily agreed. And at that moment she decided to meet Clarke before the party.

„How are you doing?” she asked and Clarke shrugged.

„I'm not so sure. I'm fine, but on the other hand... I'm not.” Blonde stated. Octavia smiled sadly.

„You think about Raven and what she had said?” she asked, but Clarke shook her head.

„Not really.” She stated.

„You talked to Lexa?”

„Yeah, I did.” Clarke sighed and she glanced at Octavia. „She told me that she didn’t take any offence.”

„That’s great.” O. smiled. „But I can see that not everything is.”

„Kinda.” Clarke sighed. Raven raised her eyebrow and was silently and patiently waiting for next part of Clarke's yarn. „I found her yesterday by the lake, she was swimming. We talked for a while and she told me that she doesn’t blame me of what happened then. She doesn’t blame me for Raven’s behavior. Then I conveyed her the message that Wick told me and she seemed to be really joyful because of that. She asked me if I want to come at her and Anya's, maybe go to the cinema before and I had to refuse...”

„Why?” Octavia seemed surprised. „Are you doing something today?”

„Yeah, actually I... I'm seeing Finn. We’re going to the prom.” she stated and Octavia whistled.

„You really hate Raven because of what she did that you agreed to go with Finn.” She stated and Clarke nodded.

„We can say that.” She shrugged.

“You know that what you had done was stupid, right?” Octavia glanced at her friend, trying to pinpoint whether she knew it or not.

„O., that’ the point. I... I told Lexa that I can come whenever she wants, but not today, because I... because I’m going with Finn to the prom. She smiled, told me that she understood and is totally fine with it and then... she went home, because she »should tell Anya about the news«. I’m scared that I might do something wrong. That I might screw everything up.”

“She had courage to ask you out, Clarke. And she got rejected.” Octavia sighed. “Don’t blame her about her reaction.”

“I’m not blaming her, I just… I don’t know what she thought about it all.”

„She might think that you’re dating him.”  
„What? No! It’s... no, she couldn’t.” Clarke shook her head.

„Why not?” Octavia asked. „You didn’t tell her much about you and you’re quite popular here, in Polis University. She’s the new one. You know... she is closed and nerdy, so... she could think that you’re dating him. Finn's kinda handsome and quite popular too, so...”

„Stop. I couldn’t fuck it that much.” Clarke groaned, but Octavia was brutal.

„You could.” She stated. Clarke groaned one more time.

 

*

  
**LEXA**

„Everything’s okay, sis?” Anya asked when she found Lexa in the kitchen, almost lying on the table with sorrow and suffering on her face. „Sourdoughs after yesterday's training?”

„Naaah.” Lexa yawned.

„Clarke?” the elder one guessed and she was right. Lexa didn’t say a word, so Anya assumed it as yes. „What happened?”

„I was wrong about her.” Lexa stated. „I was... I was just stupid.”

„What’s wrong, Lex?” she sat down, near her sister and tried look her in her emerald eye, through her glasses or not. „What happened? Did she hurt you?”

„No, she didn’t.” Lexa assured her sister, looking at her for a while. „She... She’s just not the person I thought she is.”

„What do you mean?”

„I mean I... I thought that she’s gay, okay? That she can like me way more deeply that just like friend. And I was wrong.” Lexa almost snapped. She tried not to, because she knew that Anya is innocent this time.

„How can you tell?”

„Yesterday I finally found enough courage for asking her out. For cinema, and then for some board games, you know, I knew that you'll be home and that you’re not going anywhere, I thought... I thought that we can play like we were younger, with parents...” Lexa said and Anya nodded, so her sister decided to continue. „And I asked if she wants to come. She told me that she can’t today, because she promised Finn that she will go with him to the prom. He invited her and she agreed.”

„You can’t know if they are together.” Anya stated, understanding perfectly all that her sister could possibly thought about that and Lexa shook her head.

„Of course I can’t. But... you know, I took for granted that she’s gay. That maybe… maybe she will at least like me more than just like. And... oh, fuck, I was so damn stupid!” she yelled and she stood up.

“Lexa, hold on. You’re not.” Anya tried to calm her sister. “Maybe it’s… maybe she is just doing him a favor? Like… you know, he didn’t have anybody to go with so he had asked her and she agreed? You know, ugly people sometimes do things this way. Or it's possible that she’s just bisexual?”

“No.” Lexa shook her head. “Finn’s not ugly. He’s… kinda handsome. Maybe. I couldn’t tell, because I’m not into guys, but… but other girls like him, so I assume that he has to be handsome. And maybe she is, but… Finn. You know. Bisexuals could love boys and girls. It’s always been this way.”

“But…” Anya didn’t know what to say just to comfort Lexa, but her sister shook her head to show the elder one that she didn’t need any comforting words. She needed war. War with her anger that was inside. Anger which was born because Lexa was so damn stupid and she hated herself for that.

„I’m sorry, but I have to abreact. If you have something to tell me, you will find me upstairs.” Lexa stated and she left Anya in the kitchen, alone, surprised and upset.  
She went to her room and she shut the door. She opened her wardrobe and she took her huge training sandbag rolled with artificial leather and special tape and she hung it on the hook in the ceiling. This sandbag weighted about 40-50 pounds, but Lexa carried it like it had 10 pounds or less. She took her boxing tapes to belay her hands, but she shrugged and she assumed that she had nothing to lose. She threw them to the floor. Not thinking much, she started to torture the sandbag with hits.

She felt bad, very bad. She felt wasted. She knew that she will never be good person for anybody, that being her is to be alone. That nobody wants her. But she had a glimmer of hope that maybe Clarke will be the one. Damn, she was sure that Clarke was the one who can finally crack the curse of solitude and maybe, just maybe... be with her. And it turned out that Clarke wasn’t gay. That she liked guys and she was going with one to the prom.

Lexa saw Finn once or twice. He had biology spec classes and Lexa had met him because engineers and biologists had some classes together like bioengineering. She was several times in biology building and she could see him. She knew who he was and she was sure that Clarke could have a crush on him.

„Why I am fucking lesbian!” she snapped, hitting the sandbag so hard that it doddered and almost hit her back, but she dodged. She was fast, she was always fast. That’s why she had never be in hospital when someone tried to beat her up. She could have dodged when it was necessary. And then she met Clarke and everything changed.

„Lex...? Everything’s okay?” Anya asked, entering the room. She saw her sister hitting the sandbag and she approached and caught the item that Lexa had better chance to hit it even harder if she would like to.

That reminded her of times when they started learning living together. It was always like that. If Lexa couldn’t handle her emotions, she came to her room, Anya with her, she was carrying her sandbag and Lexa was hitting. And sometimes was inversely.

„I hate being me.” Lexa stated between two hits. Anya sighed and she stopped her sister by catching her fists. She could feel the force that her sister have, but she didn’t let her know about the pain she felt.

„Why?”

„I'm a fucking lesbian who had a crush on straight girl.” Lexa stated. „Isn’t that enough? I always remember that I shouldn’t want the only one I can’t obtain, but... you can see it. I fell for her and not a little.”

„I’m sorry, Lexa.” Anya sighed. „But... it’s not your fault. Your heart is not your servant.”

„And it should be.” Lexa snapped. „I hate being what I am, you know? If I were straight, it would be so much easier.”

„No, it wouldn’t.” Anya smiled. „You should try to talk with Clarke, you know?”

“And say what? »Oh, hi, Clarke, you know, I have a huge crush on you and I wanted to talk to you. I’ve kissed you, but then I found out that you’re straight and I know that I have no chances in trying to be with you.«? Are you mad?”

“Not exactly.” Anya sighed, but then she squinted her eyes, looking at Lexa “Wait, what? You KISSED her?”

Lexa didn’t even blushed. She pushed her sister for obtaining the access to the sandbag and she hit it with so much force that they could hear her fingers cracking.  
“I did.” She stated with set teeth, trying not to feel the pain in her fists. She knew that her fingers weren’t broken. “But that doesn’t matter.”

“How did she react?” Anya was stunned that she didn’t even noticed what her sister was doing. She had hope that everything could be good.

“She took one step back and said that she didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what.”

“I don’t know, Anya!” Lexa almost shouted and she hit the bag with such a force that her sister was awed. “Maybe she didn’t know if she liked me.”

“Stop that.” Elder sister caught Lexa’s hands. “ I know that her reaction might be hurtful, but still. You should at least try to talk to her.”

„She’s on the prom.” Lexa snorted. „With Finn.”

„So you should go for a walk and breathe. Not hit this, because you know that it’s not a solution. It never was. You... you should accept yourself the way you are, you know? 'Cause you’re beautiful creature and you’re great the way you are.” Anya stopped her again from beating up the sandbag, because Lexa started once more and elder one caught younger’s fists. She had just noticed that her sister didn’t belayed her hands with tapes. “Are you mad?” she asked, feeling fresh wounds on Lexa’s knuckles. Brunette must have been hitting the bag very hard, harder than Anya thought she was.

“No, I’m not. I’m just a waste of time and space, so who cares.” Lexa almost snarled and Anya shook her head with disbelief.

“Lexa, at least I do care.” She stated. “You cannot go back to self harm, you know? It’s not helpful, it’s… harming you, like its name is calling us.”

“I don’t care, An. Seriously. Like… one or two scratches on knuckles? That’s nothing.”

“And what would be next?” Anya glanced at brunette carefully and with suspicion. “Hitting sandbag will change in hitting the wall with bare hands. Wounded knuckles will turn into broken knuckles. Pain now, more pain in future. You will want more and more and you perfectly know that it’s not the way out, it’s another kind of addiction, of sickness and you have to fight this. You mustn’t go back to it, got me? You can’t kill everything you’ve worked, Lexa.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Well, I won’t let you.” Anya stated, clenching her fingers on her sister’s wrists. “Everything has changed. Try to find a way in it.”

“You’re right, Anya, everything changed.” She stated. “I fell in love again. With Clarke. And she wants Finn.” Lexa was too blind to see that there was another one possibility.

“You can’t know that.” Anya insisted. “You HAVE TO go out. To breathe into the open air. You have to clear your mind. Take your book, go somewhere and just rest for some time. You have to. I beg you to.”

“I’m not really convinced, but if you’re insisting, I, at least, could do it. I’ll go to the park, but please, do not expect a lot from this, okay? It’s possible that I will be back in ten minutes, because the ambience would be overwhelming to me.” Lexa warned and Anya nodded.

“I know, but I hope that you will, at least, breathe for some time. Just think about anything else than this situation. Maybe there is a way out. And please, don’t threw Clarke away, she could…”

“Please, don’t. I don’t… My heart still wants to believe that she would want to be with me, but my mind is telling me that I should let her decide what she wants. And I know that I have to make decisions with my head and not my heart, An. So, for now… I will answer your request with going out, and I will try to relax, but I won’t promise anything. Just… please, be there when I would be back, okay?”

“Sure, Lex.” Anya smiled a little. “Try to relax and I will prepare something good to eat just to celebrate that you are closer to be the best fucking driver in the university.” Anya nodded while Lexa was widely smiling. „And I will think about what we should play tonight, what do you think about it?”

„Great.” Lexa smiled and she took a book with her, not really wanting to read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end. Next chapter would be better, I promise you. And I'm so sorry, I feel guilty. Please, do not hate me.


	54. Prom

**CLARKE**

„You’re sure that you want to meet Finn?” Octavia asked Clarke when blonde was ready, but she seemed to hesitate.

„I think so.” She shrugged. „You know, I...”

„You’re considering if punishing Raven that way is human? Or if it was worth the cost?” Octavia asked and blonde nodded. „It will be fine. I don’t say that she will or should understand, but I think that… if she remembers this party, she is aware what she deserved.”

„Or not.” Clarke stated. „O., I tried… I tried to be good friend, but she pissed me off… I tried to do my best and she just… she just made Lexa think, because I couldn’t believe she’s not, that I am only horny and not interested in her herself. I… this time I couldn’t speak human for Raven…”

„I know.” Tanned girl sighed. “It will be fine, Clarke.” she assured. „I'll take care of this.”

„Thanks.” She smiled and she glanced at her friend. Octavia had short, black dress, so different of Clarke’s. However, she noticed that O wasn’t fully focused on the prom. “What’s up?”

“There is another thing, but I can’t take care of this one.” She stated and blonde nodded, encouraging her to continue, because she was curious what Octavia had in her mind. “Lexa. You think that she would understand?”

“Why are you asking? I’m sure that she’s smart enough to know that I’m not into him.”

Octavia sighed. “Did you tell her that it’s only the way you’re punishing Raven?” she asked, but Clarke shook her head, causing another one sigh. “You know that she could picture all of this as some kind of very rough way of saying »no« to her?”

“What are you talking about?” Clarke’s eyes widened. “She…” blonde hesitated, wondering if she should tell that to Octavia, but she decided that it would be OK. “…she kissed me.”

“Oh.” O. smiled a little. “And you did what?”  
“I stepped back, because I didn’t know… and I said it.”

“WHAT.”

“No, it’s not that you think it is, O.!” Clarke waved her arms. “It’s more like… you know. I was confused, because I didn’t know if she did it because she is feeling something or because she finally saw that I felt something. I didn’t know what was that and I wanted to ask her, but then Christina came and Costia was there and…”

“All this was fucked up.” Octavia shook her head. “But she kissed you and then you stepped back. She could feel rejected, but she kept trying, it’s probably because she had hope that this situation was just misunderstanding between you two, Clarke. And when she asked you out, you openly said that you’re going to the prom with Finn.”

“But I said that we can hang out anytime apart from this day!”

“Jesus, Clarke, are you stupid?” Octavia had lost her nerves. “Have you ever thought of how she could feel? How it seems from her side? Or are you just looking at all this only interested in your feelings? You are bound to lose her, but you are taking for granted that she would always be there for you!”

Clarke tried to answer, but they heard knocking when their partners were at their door.

 

*

  
„You look beautiful.” Finn stated again with wide smile when they were on the dancefloor. He asked Clarke for dance and she agreed. „This dress matches perfectly your eyes.”

Clarke blushed a little. She had long, azure dress without sleeves and with slightly visible cleavage. She smiled and she let Finn guide her into the dance.

„Thank you.” She said, looking at him. He had black suit with white shirt and black tie with pin in shape of flower — he was studying biology. “You look good too.”

„Thanks.” He smiled and led the way. „I've heard that you are hanging out with this nerd, Woods, is that true?” he asked approaching to Clarke’s ear.

„She’s not a nerd.” Blonde said firmly, but she did knew that wasn’t really true. Lexa was, but in positive way and Finn said it like it was a crime against humanity.„She...”

„I saw you with her several times. Are you two together?”

„No, we’re not.” Clarke stated, considering what was on Finn's mind. “Why…?”

„She seems not to have much time for anybody. She is at school whenever I am and I haven’t seen her elsewhere than workshop. She loves engineery more than people, so I'm glad that you’re not wasting your time with someone like her.”

„What do you mean by »someone like her«?” Clarke started becoming angry. „She’s great person, she has great mind and she has her passion. What’s wrong with this?”

„Nothing really.” Finn slightly shrugged. „But when it comes to talking to her it’s just... hard. I don’t like people who can’t talk to me or to anybody. And she is just boring. She has nothing to give.”

„You know what? I like her. She is way more interesting than you will ever be.” Clarke snapped, trying to push him away, but his hold was way too strong for her. “So please, keep this to yourself, because I’m not talking about this with you anymore.”

„Oh, Clarke, come on. She is just one among all the crowd of students. She is boring, she’s quiet, she never stood out of the crowd and she never will.” He said. „She can’t talk about anything else than science, engineery or... I don’t know, cogwheels.”

„You’re pathetic, Finn.” Clarke tried to end their dance, but Finn held her tight and he didn’t even think about letting her go. “And I can tell that you had never talked to her.”

„You’re too good to be with a girl, Clarke.” He whispered to her ear. „Especially you’re too good and too cool to be with someone like Woods.”

Clarke didn’t wait any longer. She pushed Finn with all the force she had and she slapped him right into his face.

„Nobody is good enough to be with Woods.” She snapped when Finn covered his red chick with his hand. He was staring at Clarke without understanding in his eyes. „And you don’t have any right to say that she didn’t deserve the best, because you don’t even know her.”

„I don’t have to know her to assume that she’s a fucking gay bitch.” He said angrily, realizing, that Clarke would not say “yes” when it would come to him asking her about them being together again.

„You’re the worst fucking asshole I've ever met. If it wasn’t for revenge and, first of all, my stupidity, I would never have come here with you.”

And before he even thought of saying something, she was out of the building. She was running with fury, but when she was outside she started crying. She sat on the bench in the park, far enough of the place she left, and she prayed that no one would find her.

„Clarke?” she heard from behind and she turned around.

„Lexa?” blonde was surprised. „What are you doing here?”

„Shouldn’t it be me to ask this question? You... Shouldn’t you be on the prom with... erm... Finn?” Lexa asked, sitting next to Clarke and putting her book on her thighs.

„I... I had to go earlier.” Clarke stated. _Yeah, like fucking Cinderella_.

„Why? What happened?” Lexa asked, but Clarke didn’t say a word. „Oh... if you don’t want to talk about it... it’s fine.”

„Finn is an ass.” Clarke stated. „He tried to smear you, but I didn’t let him do that.”

„Then... thank you.” Lexa smiled. „I appreciate that. Nobody else, except for Anya, ever did.”

„Nothing to thank for.” Clarke shrugged. „You probably would do the same.”

You have no idea, Clarke. Lexa thought, but she only nodded and didn’t say anything.  
„And you? What are you doing here?” Clarke asked after a while.

„I decided to go for a walk. Maybe read something...” she raised her book that Clarke could see what was that. „And I met you. And you... you look beautiful.” She smiled shyly, blushing.

„Thank you.” Clarke blushed too. She glanced at Lexa’s eyes, which were hidden behind her glasses and extremely emerald. „You also look great.”

„No, I’m not.” Brunette smiled. She looked at her grey flannel shirt, black tanktop with OMNIA logo, light blue skinny jeans and black sneakers. „And... I’m so sorry that your evening is not the way you planned.”

 _Now it’s even better._ Clarke thought and she grinned. „Don’t be sorry, it could be worse. I could've stayed and be there with this stupid asshole.” She stated and Lexa laughed.

„Clarke... I...” brunette started, but Clarke raised her hand.

„You hear it?” she asked. „It’s _Warrior_.”

„What?” Lexa didn’t get it, but Clarke just decided to sing.

_You fascinated me, cloaked in shadows and secrecy, the beauty of a broken angel. I ventured carefully, afraid of what you thought I'd be, but pretty soon I was entangled..._

And Lexa got it in the wink of an eye. She smiled and she glanced at Clarke.

 _You take me by the hand..._ she sang, standing and handing her hand to Clarke. _I question who I am..._

Clarke was surprised but she took Lexa’s hand. Brunette pulled her closer and held her like Finn did some time ago, but Clarke felt… better. More safely than when she was with him. Brunette smiled softly, Clarke’s heart melted and Lexa started leading the waltz, singing.

_Teach me how to fight, I'll show you how to win, you’re my mortal flaw and I'm your fatal sin, let me feel the sting, the pain, the burn under my skin... put me to the test, I'll prove that I am strong, won’t let myself believe that what we feel is wrong, I finally see what you knew was inside me all along... that behind this soft exterior lies a warrior._

Clarke was amazed with her voice and her moves. Her chest was warm and so close to her, her arms were strong and they were holding her like she will never dance with her again, like Lexa was seeing Clarke the last time. Blonde felt the power and the stability in brunette's arms. Lexa smiled leading and Clarke was sure that dancing was in her blood.

_My memory refused to separate the lies from truth and search the past my mind created. I kept on pushing through, standing resolute with you, in equal measure loved and hated..._

And they hit the chorus together. They finished their dance, but they were still holding each other. They were looking at each other’s eyes and they couldn’t resist.

„You have such amazing eyes, Lexa.” Blonde whispered.

„So do you, Clarke.” Brunette smiled.

“Lexa, I…” blonde interrupted, not knowing how to say what she wanted to say. Brunette raised one corner of her mouth and she remained silent to give Clarke all the time she needed to think. “I… I have to tell you something.” She stated and Lexa nodded.

“Then do it.” Brunette smiled encouragingly. Clarke raised her hand and tenderly touched Lexa’s cheek.

“Raven… she was rude saying what she’d said.” She whispered. Her hand slipped a little and stayed on Lexa’s neck, softly pulling her closer. “She said what I’ve never meant to. I know that I… I don’t really know why she had said that, but I know what I felt. It’s not that I like you, because you could fill perfectly every hole in my time; that’s a tremendous lie and I despise everybody who can even think like that.” She stated firmly, looking into emerald eyes which were observing her carefully. “Since I’ve met you, even if I didn’t know your name, you was important in my life. Firstly as a mystery, but after I’ve met you and knew your name… you are not a filler. You’re before anyone else. I mean, I…” she interrupted, blushing and she inhaled nervously. She was about to say it out loud and she could feel her hands shaking, her heart beating so fast that it was one constant, low sound. She shivered and she looked Lexa in her eye with all honesty she had in her. “I think I might be feeling something for you, Lexa.” She stated, pulling Lexa’s neck closer as their foreheads tenderly bumped together. She said it not in the way she should, but she was afraid that one »I love you« could be a little too much. “In the beginning I was thinking that… this is too much to lose, too much risk to take, but… I think that I should, even if you say »no«.”

“And you’re willing to risk everything on that? On your feelings?” Lexa asked, trying to understand Clarke’s attitude. But she hadn’t really needed to understand. She needed to know if she was right or wrong.

“Yeah. Because you’re worth taking the risk.” She said, sending warmth through her words and voice intonation.

„I think that there’s something inside me that is telling me of my feelings for you, Clarke.” Lexa smiled, gently rubbing blonde's hand. She perfectly knew that it was her heart which she was shutting down too often to care about its signals. But then… it was beating and screaming too loud, demanding attention and trying to say that its owner had finally found her significant one to just being ignored. “But… I thought that was wrong.”

„Seriously?” Clarke glanced at Lexa with her sparkling blue eyes. Lexa smiled sadly and she nodded. Clarke approached a little and she smiled when she noticed that Lexa did the same. “Why did you think that’s wrong? Did I do something that…”

“No, it was… me, I suppose.” Lexa blushed a little, but she tried to keep her eyes on Clarke’s. She decided not to mention about Finn and everything that made her think that Clarke possibly wasn’t interested in her.

„Do you think that we can... try?” Clarke whispered hopefully.

„I was afraid that... that you don’t like girls the way I do.” Lexa whispered, thinking about what she had done to her hands because of these thoughts. Blonde rubbed her hands gently and she could sense her wounds on knuckles.

“Lexa, what happened?” she whispered, begging internally not to hear about self harm.

“I didn’t use boxing tapes during exercising.” She stated quietly and her voice was filled with shame.

“Why? Was that because of…”

“You’ve told me that you’re going out with Finn. I… I’m sorry, Clarke. I just started hating myself once more, because I’m always failing at everything that is important to me in some way. I didn’t and I don’t want you to feel bad because of that, you hear me? That wasn’t your fault…”

“Shh, Lexa.” Clarke put her finger on brunette’s lips. “I understand. But… you could have asked me.”

“I know, but I was afraid.”

“I know. But… you didn’t answer my question though.” She stated and Lexa hesitated for a while.

„If you think that we have a chance... why don’t we try. I was almost sure that you don’t like girls… you know, in the other way than just liking as friends.”

„I do, Lexa. I do like you... or more… this way.” Clarke said quietly, but she emphasized the last two words, especially for the girl who she had feelings for.

They approached a little bit more and their lips were insanely close.

„You’re not together, huh?!” Clarke felt that something pushed her hardly. „You fucking liar! And you!” Finn was furious. „I hope you will die, then you stop taking her to your fucking homo side!” he caught Lexa’s T-shirt and he didn’t even think of what he would do.

He hit Lexa in her face so hard that they all can hear a crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Clarke did this. Finally. And she... succeeded? Yeah, let's think about this before next chapter, because Finn destroyed all the atmosphere. I don't really like him, do you?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all the comments you've left, even this hating one, I'm glad that everything's in the right place. :) feel free to tell me what you're thinking about this, if you liked it or not... and you're all amazing. I love you all. Seriously, you're the best readers I've ever had!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	55. Even better

„LEXA!” Clarke shouted with fear in her voice when she saw Lexa hitting the ground. She didn’t even think about what she was doing, so she punched him into his face with all the force she had. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

“Nothing really, Clarke!” Finn was angry and he was breathing heavily, straightening his back. He had shape of Clarke’s ring and four fingers marked on his cheek. He caught Clarke’s wrist in order to take her back to the prom, but she didn’t want to go with him. She tried to stay, but he didn’t let her. Finn hitched her, but she stood still. “Come on, I won’t let you just stay here and talk to her, her company doesn’t do anything good to you.”

Clarke tried to extricate, but Finn’s fingers clenched on her wrist and all she felt was pain. She hissed, not even thinking about punching him again.

“Let her go you son of a bitch.” They heard steady, firm and harsh voice. Both of them glanced at Lexa. She was during standing up, her mouth covered with blood streaming from her nose. Her right hand was also bloody red, but Lexa herself didn’t seem to care about that. Her sight was focused on Finn and sometimes it was moving to his fingers on Clarke’s wrist. What Clarke noticed was that Lexa’s facial expression was unknown to her. She had never seen this before and she couldn’t recognize this emotions yet.

“What?” Finn was surprised, but he squinted his eyes while looking at Lexa. “What did you say to me?” She straightened her back and looked at Finn with steel in her emerald eyes. Clarke shivered and she was nearly sure that Finn did the same, because what was in Lexa’s eyes was really scary. She wanted to do one step back, but boy didn’t let her, clenching his fingers even more. Blonde hissed once again, because it hurt, but Finn didn’t seem to care.

“I said: let her go, you son of a bitch.” Lexa repeated with voice so harsh that it could throw icicles. Finn set his teeth and Lexa curled her fingers up to fists. She was ready to attack, but Clarke didn’t see that, she was frightened because Finn looked like he was about to explode.

“Don’t you dare telling me that, you gay whore.” He snapped, he released Clarke’s wrist and he took one step forward, facing Lexa. Blonde was sure that Lexa would move back, but she didn’t. Additionally, she also took one step forward. Her height and Finn’s were comparable and they were looking each other in the eye. In opposite to the situation when she was looking at Clarke with joy, warmth and tenderness, when she was looking at Finn she had steel, ice and storm in her emerald eyes. That combination was awesome and frightening. Considering that Lexa’s chin was covered in blood, this picture of situation was rather unusual. She was looking like commander who had been in the middle of the fight and who facet her worst enemy to defeat him.

“You don’t have evidence to prove your words.” She stated harshly and Clarke stood frozen, looking at this conversation, totally mesmerized. She could see Lexa’s eyes with raging storm in them. She knew that it will only take a moment. It was always like that: it took only breeze to cause the storm. “So I will give you advice–“ she stepped forward and now she was so close to Finn that the distance between their chests was like one hand or maybe one and a half. “–don’t you dare calling me whore.”

“For what? You will hit me?” he snorted with sarcastic laughter, but Lexa stood still and Clarke admired her for that attitude. She was sure that if she was on Lexa’s place, she wouldn’t cope with reaction in the way Lexa did.

“I wish rather not to touch you.” She stated, constantly looking him in the eye. There was something that was disturbing in the way she was doing it. He started to be a little bit nervous, but he knew that he couldn’t break, because it would be his personal failure. He knew that he couldn’t fail with a gay girl as opponent. “And Clarke had already done that. Now, get the fuck out of here.” She snapped, but he didn’t listen the way she wanted him to.

“I will.” He stated, looking at her with anger. “But I will take her with me back to the prom. And you will never see her again. For if you do, you’ll lose possibility to express anything with your face.”

“Don’t you dare threatening me, Finn.” Lexa spitted his name with lack of pleasure and as if he’d lost his dignity to her. To be honest, he did. “Because you have no idea with who you’re going to war.”

“I’m not afraid of you, you WHORE.” He said, taking one step back. Lexa didn’t move and Finn caught Clarke’s wrist harder and wanted to go back to the prom, when Lexa’s voice stopped him.

“You won’t take her with you. She doesn’t want it.” She said. Finn turned to her with anger on his face.

“I don’t care. She was meant to be with me on the prom so I would execute that.” He stated and tried to hitch Clarke once again. Lexa was fast as a lightning. It took her about one second to be near him, she caught his shoulder and immediately made him face her.

“Oh, you didn’t understand me, Finn.” She said quietly, looking him in the eye in the most disturbing way that he’d ever seen. “You will respect her will and she will stay with me.” She swung her arm, hitting Finn right into his face. He hit the ground with black screen before his eyes. “You’ll never touch her again. For if you do, I will see you again, but the circumstances wouldn’t be so conductive and you will lose all your handsomeness if there’s any.”

“I’ll destroy you!” he yelled, but he was so flabbergasted that he was not able to see anything what surrounded him. Lexa noticed that Clarke was stunned and she didn’t know what to do, she tried to say something, but there was nothing getting out of her throat, so she caught and lifted her like groom is always doing with his bride. “Clarke, hold on.” She stated and she felt that Clarke’s arms enfolded her neck. She smiled and she started running, making her way back home.

 

*

 

“Lexa… Lexa, you’re bleeding.” Clarke woke up when Lexa let her stand on her own feet in the middle of the forest that led to her home. Finn was too far away from them to even try to chase them.

“Yeah, I know.” Brunette shrugged, wiping out some blood out of her chin and mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. “That’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing… you…”

“Let’s get out of here, Clarke. We could talk at my place. Maybe even we should.” Lexa smiled a little and led the way that Clarke knew by heart.

“What the fuck had happened to you?!”

“Hi, An, great to see you, too.” Lexa snorted when her sister approached, glancing at her with fear. “That’s nothing.”

“Well, maybe you can tell me something about that, because gaining information from her is… you know.” Anya glanced at Clarke and then she approached her sister even more and she caught her face to look at it.

“I… that’s my fault.” Blonde stuttered and Anya looked at her.

“You want to say that you hit her?” she raised her eyebrow, not even believing in single word. Clarke was way too kind to smash a fly, not to mention punching Lexa.

“No, not me, Finn did, but…” Clarke sighed. “Fuck, I was with him on the prom and then it turned out that he is bigger ass than I thought he was. And I ran away, then I met Lexa, we talked and then he appeared and, to make long story short, he hit her in the face. We all heard crack, but I don’t know if her nose is broken or not…”

“You need to go to the ED. Right now. And we will go with you.” Anya nodded, trying to collect all the stuff that might be useful. Lexa shook her head and hissed because the pressure in her head made her feel a little dizzy.

“No, it’s not necessary.” She stated, looking at Clarke, silently begging her to convince Anya that she was fine. She needed to talk to blonde, she knew it too. They both needed to talk to each other.

“Actually, I think that Anya is right.” Clarke nodded. “Doctor should see this and I hope that it will not be broken.” She stated, glancing at Lexa with apology in her eyes. She tried to say that she was aware that they need to talk. “We could… we could talk later.”

“I wish.” Lexa nodded and, when she was sure that nothing could stop these two women of taking her to ED, she agreed.

“But first… what about you changing your clothes, Clarke?” Anya asked, looking at blonde. “Don’t get me wrong, you look just great, but… you know.”

“Yeah, a dress is not really good thing for now.” Clarke nodded with apologetic smile. “Can you borrow me something?”

“Of course.” Lexa was first to sneak out of the room for not being in the center of the situation. She headed her room, took clean T–shirt, pair of jeans, blue flannel shirt and black hoodie. She was downstairs in the blink of an eye, handing clothes to Clarke. “Here. I let you make a choice, you can put on the shirt or hoodie, it’s up to you.” She smiled and Clarke nodded with little blush and she thanked, going to the bathroom.

Several minutes later she was standing in front of the mirror, looking at her, trying not to smile like someone who went totally crazy. She had black T–shirt with East of Eli logo, blue crisscrossed flannel shirt and blue jeans. She was happy, she could smell Lexa’s characteristic scent, it was amazing. She could just close her eyes and imagine that Lexa was next to her.

“Hey, Clarke, everything’s okay?” She heard knocking on bathroom’s door and Anya’s voice trying to take her again on the Earth. Blonde cleared her throat, glanced for the last time at her prom dress which was on coat hanger and she sighed. She would rather be there, with Lexa, in her clothes, than with Finn, on the prom, in this dress. Maybe she felt good while wearing this, but not as good as she felt with brunette around.

“Yeah, I’m ready. We can go.” She was out of the bathroom and Anya was carrying the keys to their old car.

When they were driving to the ED, Lexa wasn’t really happy about this. She cleaned her face with tissues, but there was still some blood that was flowing out of her nose, so she was sitting silently on her seat, stemming the blood.

“Well, fuck.” She said, when all three of them were out of the car and in the hospital, looking for somebody who could help Lexa.

“What?” Clarke glanced at her with concern, so did Anya, and Lexa just pointed at something behind her companions. Both of them turned around to see Finn, who was sitting in the waiting room, trying to cover his, most probably, broken nose.

“I think I should talk to him.” Clarke clenched her fists and set her teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is so short, but I had really not had a lot of time to write it. Now is also a moment when I have to beg you for forgiveness because I have to stop updating for now. I'm so sorry, but that's because I will have my finals and I have one big problem with passing one subject and I have a lot to learn by heart for it. For if I won't, I wouldn't be able to graduate and that thing scares me the most. I'm so sorry once again, but I hope that it wouldn't last long. I think that I would post between February 13th and March 16th (and if I won't post anything, March 16th would be the date I update for sure). I just want to be honest and not to leave you for a long time without saying a word; you're the best readers I have ever had and I don't want to let you down. So... I'm sorry once again.  
> Wish me good luck and until next time! :)
> 
> PS. Thank you for all the comments, all the ideas, all the things that you've left here. For all the kudos, for all the support, even for the hate. I am glad that you're here!


	56. Finn

Clarke walked towards him, without Finn noticing her. Anya was right after her, because she was aware what situation could bring. Lexa was last, but she was eager to hit him once again. His face was badly bulled. For the first sight that Lexa noticed, his nose had to be broken. She felt some kind of satisfaction when she realized that was her who did this to him. He was an asshole, so he deserved that.

Anya caught her sister’s hood when Lexa tried to walk by her and approach to Finn.

“Don’t you even dare.” She hissed. “Clarke can do this alone, she don’t need your backup.”

“But…”

“Look, sis, I know that you love her and I know that you two have probably a lot of things to discuss, but there are situations that Clarke needs to face on her own. So you’re gonna sit here, with me, and, instead of being pumped up and willing to hit him again, you will talk to me. Just… tell me what happened.”

Lexa sighed, trying not to look at Clarke who finally approached Finn. He was angry, but brunette could see his face lightening when he saw blonde. Lexa set her teeth, but then Anya hit her arm wit her fist to just gain her attention.

“Hey.” She waved her hand. “I asked you a question. What happened?”

“Argh…” Lexa groaned. “I was in the park on a date with my book, as you recommended me to.” She shrugged, trying to look at her sister, but her sight was still fleeing to Clarke. “And then Clarke appeared… out of nowhere. She was dressed in her prom clothes and I assumed that she have escaped… And we met. Started talking… we had even danced with each other, you know? And, after that… I don’t know how it happened, but we were standing on the square, looking at each other and we…”

“You two confessed?” Anya had her eyes full of hope and Lexa couldn’t resist but chuckle.

“Kinda.” She smiled. “She told me that she might have felt something for me and I said the same to her and then we almost kissed, but… HE had appeared.” Lexa’s eyes turned from heart to furious when she pointed Finn with her chin. “And he had hit me, so we can’t even kiss each other properly. He tried to take Clarke back to the prom, but she refused, she didn’t want to, so I felt responsible for her, you know? I stood up and I told him to let her go, but he didn’t want to.”

“So you hit him?” Anya raised her eyebrow, not believing what she was hearing.

“He was hurting her, An.” Lexa was sceptical. “He was carrying her wrist so hard that I could see the pain on her face and, believe me or not, she is way more prettier when she is not feeling this."

“Okay, let’s say I believe you.” Anya nodded, still trying to look her sister in the eye, but she couldn’t reach her eyesight, because Lexa’s emerald eyes were set on talking pair. “But… did you have to break his nose?”

“I didn’t control that.” Lexa shrugged. “I just tried to protect her at all cost.”

“And here we are. Old Lexa is back.” Elder sister smiled a little, looking at brunette with some kind of pride in her eyes. “But you have to remember, that you mustn’t beat everybody that is giving Clarke a bad look, you know?”

“Stop treating me like five year old, okay?” Lexa glanced at her, raising her eyebrow. “I know what I can and what I can’t do.”

“Okay, okay, easy there.” Anya raised her hands in a gesture of defense. “Don’t beat me, warrior.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Lexa groaned and her sister laughed.

 

*

  
**CLARKE**

She approached the boy that was sitting in front of one of the doors in this corridor. She didn’t think about sitting next to him, she just wanted to say what she had to say and then be gone.

“Oh, you’re here.” He raised his head and his voice was mean. “Is that because I broke her nose?”

“Not really, but it seems like she broke yours.” Clarke snorted. “You know, after all your punch turns out not to be so powerful as you told everybody it is. You were defeated by a girl, how are you dealing with this?” she wanted to be nice, but when she had spotted his angry gaze, with flashes of need of revenge, she decided that he should be punished way more roughly than Lexa did. And she knew that punching him wouldn’t do any of the work.

“So why are you here?” he asked, trying to hide the joy in his eyes that she was there, talking to him and hope that she would change her mind and be with him again, but he failed. Clarke shook her head, not believing in what she had seen and she looked him in the eye.

“Because I wanted to tell you something, Finn.” She glanced at his suit, skewed tie, white shirt stained with his own blood. She couldn’t help but smile with vindictive smile.

“What.” He was nervous and he didn’t really know what he should do. He seemed like he wanted to just run away and never go back.  
“You had asked me about me and Lexa, if we were together.” She started, noticing, that Finn’s eyes started enlarging. “Then I said to you that we were not, because that was true. But, thanks to you, my friend…” she almost spitted the last word “…we are now. And you know what? With her I’m finally feeling safe and sound. Good. Better than I have ever felt with you.”

“What does she have that I don’t?” he snapped and when he did that more blood fell of his nose. Clarke took half of step back to just show him her disgust.

“Oh, she’s not judging. She had never told me that I shouldn’t be hanging out with my friends, because of their sexuality. She can talk to me, we can figure anything out because we’re just talking. She wants to be with me and I want to be with her, not because our other half looks good and it’s not a shame to go out with her, but because we can connect with each other better than I have ever connected with you, Finn. And, first of all, she just loves me for who I am not for who she wants me to be. She can see through me and love what I have inside, not really looking on the outside.”

“You’re lying.” He stated, but Clarke was steady. She knew that Lexa wouldn’t lie to her, so she was certain that Finn had some ridiculous arguments to maybe show her that it was not true.

“Prove it.” Clarke crossed her arms and looked at him with steel in her eyes. Finn hesitated, but not for long.

“She was hanging out with this girl from Eagles. Costia, right? She’s with her.”

“Oh, bad news, Finn.” Clarke theatrically puffed one of her wisps. “They’re not with each other for quite a long time.”

“I saw them kiss each other.” He stated and Clarke stiffed for a second, but she glanced at her interlocutor and she used the information that she gained about him when they were together. He was scratching his temple, nearly forcing himself to look her in the eye, blinking once at three seconds. And, if this wasn’t enough for her to know that he was lying, he added: “They were bound to make love in the gym, but I decided to let them do it privately and then I had left.”

Clarke set her teeth, seeing how proud of himself he was. She leaned towards him, their noses nearly bumped. She was looking him in the eye, observing the hope and pride slowly vaporizing out of them. He was anxious, didn’t really know what was happening.

He made a mistake telling the last part. With all that Clarke knew, all that Lexa had told her, she maybe could have believed him that he saw them making out, okay. But not making love. Even Stockholm syndrome couldn’t drive Lexa to do it, because she stated firmly that she wasn’t good with that. For fuck’s sake, Clarke must have been an idiot if she believed this jerk in front of her.

“Finn, Finn, Finn.” She stated slowly and boldly. “You’re such an adorable idiot.”

“What?” He was slipping. He felt that.

“Lexa would have never kissed Costia again… and, even if she did…” she thought that maybe it might have place, but they weren’t together then, so no harm done “…she would never have sex in public place. And especially not with this woman you just mentioned. So, I can give you small advice and you better consider taking it: don’t you dare ever talking about her like you had done this on the prom or now. Because if you do, I would find you, I would catch you and I would make you remember everything I would have done to you, am I clear?”

“What are you…” he backed a little, but his back met the wall, so he couldn’t escape Clarke’s unfriendly gaze which was furious, but also cold as ice.

“Am I clear?” she repeated the question and Finn nodded his head a bit too expressively, so his nose started bleeding again. “Then I’m happy.”

“You’ll see that being with her would bring you more pain that being with guy.” He stated.

“Oh, because guys don’t talk about their feelings? I don’t think so.” She shrugged, thinking about Lexa’s toughness. She was aware that brunette had opened up a bit for her, but things were a lot easier when she knew what was on Lexa’s mind. Not knowing about anything that was inside her head was terrible and caused a lot of misunderstandings. So was with Clarke’s mind and thoughts.

“She would make you regret your decision, I’m sure.” He snapped, but blonde laughed.

“Seriously?” She straightened her back and smiled a little. “You of all people shouldn’t be telling me what she would make me do. As much as I am aware, every woman who was with you… ended up with another woman. That’s not really good thing to know about you, Finn, don’t you think?” she asked and she left him with his jaw dropped.

 _Hell, yeah,_ she thought. _Kiss my ass, I should talk to Lexa, ASAP._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, guys, I'm back! Positively passing my exam and so full of hope that I will be able to graduate this year! 
> 
> I'm so grateful for all your great words and for that you're here and you were here. :) for all comments and kudos I gained when I was out.
> 
> Unfortunately there is one thing that I have to do. I have to write long paperwork for my graduation so I couldn't be able to be here every Tuesday and Friday... but fear not! I will be posting every week on Friday! I hope that's fine by you. :)
> 
> So, until next Friday! :)


	57. We should talk

It was quite hellish ride for them two to just be in the moment they were and Clarke perfectly knew about this. When Lexa was after all the examination on ED and meds told her that her nose is fine, not broken, all three women were back to Woods’ house. And they had heard that Finn’s nose was broken, so he had to stay in the hospital at least for a week.

“Guys, I have to go.” Anya smiled, looking at Clarke and Lexa. “I have to leave you two alone. Please, be good.”

“What are you…” Lexa tried to ask, but her sister didn’t let her.

“Please, don’t hurt each other or anybody this time, okay? You can have sex instead.”

“WHAT THE FU…”

“You’re both mature I think, so I am sure that you would prepare for not having a child…”

“An, I don’t know what are you on, but, as much as I am concerned, two women can’t biologically have children because of just having sex.” Lexa cut the conversation. Clarke blushed badly and Anya cleared her throat.

“Yeah, I forgot that I have big nerd sister.” She sighed. “Just… be safe, okay? Don’t break anyone’s nose again.”

“Okay, mum, I will be polite.” Lexa snorted with laughter. “Just… leave.”

“I hope that our neighbours would not complain about too much moans…”

“OUT!” Lexa nearly pushed her sister out of the door and she shut it behind her. She leaned on them and she let the air out of her lungs with loud hiss. “Oh, fuck, you have no idea how much I hate her sometimes.”

“You know… I can imagine that.” Clarke smiled shyly, trying not to blush more. Lexa locked the door and she glanced at her interlocutor.

“So… we have to talk, haven’t we?”

“Yeah.” Blonde nodded, suddenly shy and not knowing what to say.

“About… us.”

“Yeaaah.” Clarke nodded and Lexa sighed. She didn’t even supposed that this conversation would be so hard. And it wasn’t even started yet.

“So… okay, it’s hard, I see, but… we have to talk. You have to know… everything I have said on the square was… real. I meant it. Like… I really, really like you, Clarke.”

“I know, Lexa. I believe you.” Blonde approached and she took brunette’s hands. They intertwined their fingers and looked into each other’s eyes. “You don’t have to explain yourself. But… I don’t really know if I should tell what I want to tell you, but… you know…”

“You can tell me anything, Clarke.” Lexa approached a little and their foreheads gently bumped. Blonde smiled hesitantly, but when she glanced at Lexa’s emerald eyes she felt that she could tell her anything and Lexa would be mature enough to think this through before she would act.

“Finn told me that he saw you and Costia making out in the gym. Is that true?”

“No.” Lexa stated firmly, calmly and with slight smile on her face. “He couldn’t see us, because he was doing some shit for biology project and I know that, because some BIO people really enjoy talking with me, so… and, of course, because I wasn’t making out with her. Okay, maybe I told you that I was considering going back to her, but I knew, deep down in my heart, that I wouldn’t be able to kiss or let her touch me again, Clarke. The only one who can touch me because I feel comfortable with it is you. And my sister, but not every time."

“Thank you, Lexa.” Blonde sighed with relief. She was grateful that brunette said it out loud. Something told Clarke that she has to be special to her interlocutor. And maybe more special than she previously thought. “He said that you would make me regret the decision I made."

"And what's that decision?" Lexa raised her eyebrow and she smiled a little. Clarke blushed and she fixed her sight on the floor.

"I told him that when he had asked about us, if we were together... then answer was negative. But after, maybe thanks to him... we are now." She shivered, because she didn't even know how Lexa would react. What if she was moving too fast? Clarke felt really insecure, even though she was with person who she always felt comfortable with. "He said that I would regret the decision that I want to be with you... of course, if you want it."

“Of course that I want it, Clarke.” Lexa smiled and Clarke’s heart melted. She had finally seen the joyful smile on brunette’s face. Full of cordiality and happiness. And, of course, relief. “I… I was hoping that this would happen. And I can’t believe this actually happened.”

“You have to believe this.” Clarke cupped her cheek, looking Lexa in the eye. “Because…” she hesitated. Should she tell her now or not? She decided not to some time ago, but… “Lexa, I wanted to tell you something then, in the park, but I was afraid to scare you and I don’t want to scare you, you know?” she glanced at her girlfriend, now officially, and Lexa nodded.

“You should try.” She stated. “I promise, I try not to run away screaming.”

“It’s not funny, Lex.” Clarke chuckled. “Sometimes people are trying not to say things… because they think that it’s too early, but… screw this, Lexa, I…” she took a deep breath and she decided to take the risk. “I love you.”

She expected every reaction. She expected that Lexa might cough it out, that she would remain silent, that she would be confused and would said “thank you” or something like that. She expected this moment to be awkward and she immediately started thinking that she should not tell brunette this so soon, but what was done couldn’t be undone. Lexa approached her even more, their bodies met and they could sense each other’s warmth. Brunette smiled even wider.

“I love you too, Clarke.” she stated, completely astonishing Clarke who was ready for everything, but she was not prepared for this.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded. “It was… I fell in love with you some time ago, you know? I fell for you when I first saw you. I know that… that it was something, but I wanted to push it away, maybe because I was afraid of what it could bring me. But after that… I knew that it wasn’t falling in love… it was love itself. I can’t really fall in love, Clarke.” she stated and blonde giggled.

“Now, that was scary.” She stated and Lexa glanced at her nervously, but Clarke calmed her immediately. “But fear not, I’m not the type of person who is scared of anything like that, Lex. I’m here for you, my love.”

“I’m glad to have you here.” She smiled. “You know, maybe we would not know if the neighbours can complain about moaning too loud, because I don’t really know if I…” she glanced at Clarke and she noticed slight sign of nervousness in her eyes and this caused smile “…if we’re ready for this, at least for now, but… I want it all with you, you know? All my firsts and… I’m sorry if I scare you with what I’m gonna say, but… I want all my lasts with you.”

“You’re sure?”

“Let’s make Finn regret the words he said.” Lexa nodded, looking Clarke in the eye.  
Blonde and brunette’s faces approached at the same time. Their lips met and their tongues started to dance with each other. Breaths crossed, warmth circulating between the bodies. The happiness and the hesitation of what would be tomorrow. They were happy.

Lexa tried to change the angle and Clarke happily followed her moves. Brunette, if she could, would sigh with relief, because of what happened. Blonde didn’t step back, she just proceeded. This was the happiest moment of her life.

When they had finally broke the kiss, they were looking into each other’s eyes for a long time.

“You think that some day your neighbours would start to complain?” Clarke asked playfully.

“No.” brunette said seriously. Clarke glanced at her with confusion.

“Why not?” she asked and Lexa smirked.

“Because there aren’t any neighbours. You would be able to moan or even scream as loud as you would want to.” She stated and kissed Clarke once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, finally, after all this time they are officially together! God, that was really slow burn, but fear not, it's not the end yet!
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and great comments you've left! Thank you for waiting for me, you're awesomely amazing! I hope that you liked that one. :)
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	58. There's no time to spare

„Hey, anyway, how's Raven?” Lexa asked, handing Clarke her mug with tea. She sat down on her bed, next to her friend, reminding that she had not been talking about Raven recently. “Everything’s okay? You didn’t talk about her at all.”

„What do you mean?” Clarke raised her eyebrow, sitting on Lexa's bed. She leaned back to the wall and she smiled a little.

„Oh, you’re her best friend. I prefer not to ask my sister, because she would tell me about everything that I actually don’t want to know. And the information that I want to obtain I wouldn’t, so it’s safer not to ask.” Brunette shrugged. „So I thought that maybe I would ask you.”

„I don’t speak with her.” Clarke blushed a little and she started to avoid Lexa’s sight. She clenched her fingers on her mug. „Because of what she had done.”

„You mean this pitiful party?” Brunette raised her eyebrow and she gained shy nod from blonde. She sighed and she gently rubbed Clarke’s back. „Hey, no need to worry, I'm not mad at you.”

„But I am mad at her.” Clarke snapped. „Sometimes I can’t even remember why she was my friend...”

„Whoa, whoa, stop there, Clarke.” Lexa waved her hands with fear on her face. „These are tough words. Very tough and… possibly very reckless. You’re implying that she’s no longer your best friend. Or friend at all.”

„Because she is not.” Clarke shrugged, looking at her girlfriend. „You know, I tried to accept everything 'bout her, but I'm not so sure that she actually deserved that. Apparently she can’t even respect my rights to wait or...”

„What do you mean?” Lexa sipped tea from her mug and she fixed her sight at Clarke. „You have never told me about your life... if you want to...”

She stopped, trying to read blonde's facial expression. Clarke was anxious, but paradoxically calm at the same time. Lexa decided to wait, like Clarke was used to do when she was confessing something. Different thing was that she wasn’t even so sure if Clarke still was talking about that party. But, finally, she obtained the response.

„I met her right after my father’s death. I have never been popular in school, maybe I wasn’t bullied, but I wasn’t the star either. I wanted to be seen, but... you know, that’s not so easy when in your school there are a lot of people way better than you. The only thing that I actually could do, was drawing, but that wasn’t enough. When I met Raven, she liked my art. She was mean, of course, but she was like that because she was lost. She was also lonely and when we met, we became friends immediately. I accepted her flaws, she accepted mine. We were and we are totally different people, like you can see.”

„Yeah.” Lexa smiled. „She’s... erm... special.” she stated, thinking about that Clarke, for her personally, was better than good enough. Blonde was everything that brunette could have dreamed of.

„Hard to deny.” Clarke nodded. „But you know, she was the only one who wanted to talk to me. And then there was Octavia. She came to our school two years after I met Raven. She was way kinder than Rae, and, to be honest, she still is. She’s not the silly one, she is this good friend with good advice, while Raven's the one with stupid ideas.”

 _No need to tell me._ Lexa thought, but she didn’t say anything, willing to hear all the story.

“So you know. I wanted to have any friends… Rae and Octavia were my only ones that I could trust… that I can trust. Maybe I am now quite popular, but, after all, I have a few close friends that I actually trust. I’m glad that Octavia and Raven were by my side, because I was a little bit reckless when I was younger.”

“Eh?” Lexa smiled, looking at Clarke with wide smile. She really enjoyed listening to Clarke’s story, even if the circumstances weren’t so great. She was ready to help her girlfriend no matter what.

“You know, I always thought that I was the one to think things through… but Octavia was the one to talk me out of eating marshmallows straight out of the fire.”

“No way. You would never…” Lexa interrupted seeing Clarke’s face. Her eyes widened and she shook her head not believing in what she heard. “You’re serious.”

“Yes, I am.” Clarke snorted with laughter and brunette found this adorable. “Anyway. We were always together, since I can remember, you know? I have never imagined my life without them. Octavia, always the smart one, even if she prefered sports not the science. And Raven, differently, she always prefered science, but…”

“...she was always the reckless one, I know.” Lexa nodded. Blonde leaned her head on brunette’s shoulder and she sighed.

“Despite all, I thought that she would be always by my side and that she wouldn’t do anything that could actually harm me or my relations with other people. That was what she was always saying and assuring me that she would do. And I believed her, because… because she had never lied to me. Because she knew that if she did, I would not want to be her friend anymore. We both needed someone who we could trust so we didn’t want to destroy our relation by lying.” she said. “But… I don’t know now. What I’m supposed to do now? She was like my sister. I have never been jealous because of Finn. He didn’t want to be with me, that was okay. He cheated on her, so we both turned our backs on him. Nothing special, we were like sisters. I was sure that I can trust her, so I told her everything… she was telling me that I should go faster, but this was one thing that I can’t trust her with. I wanted to wait for you, as long as I had to. I wanted you to… I don’t know.”

“I know, sweetie.” Lexa hugged her girlfriend and she smooched her in the top of her head. “You know… I think that you’re a little too harsh for her. Like… I know that she was reckless then and that she had said a lot of things that she really shouldn’t have said, but… she’s still your friend. Maybe she’s feeling insecure because we’re together now. Maybe she wanted you to be with me so badly because… I don’t really know, but maybe it was because she wanted to see if I am worth it. She’s with my sister, but I know Anya and I’m sure that she would never told Raven anything about me if she wouldn’t be certain that I want her to. And I’m never okay with anybody telling stuff about me, I would rather tell it myself, so... maybe Raven was craving to know anything about me, what’s quite logical, because she cares about you, but…”

“You’re not really the kind of person who likes talking about herself.” Clarke laughed, kissing Lexa in the neck. “That’s… wow, I have never thought about it that way.”

“Because nobody had ever thought about Raven being so insanely protective.” Lexa smiled, caressing Clarke’s shoulder. “Strong impression of someone who was reckless all the time. Anyway, maybe she wanted to know anything about me just because she wanted the best for you.”

“Okay, but that’s not an explanation for her behavior.” Clarke sighed. “She should have been respecting my rights to get it slow, in the pace I wanted it. I was madly in love and I couldn’t really say anything that made sense, you know? I wanted to tell you so much things, but I was so distracted… and she wasn’t really helpful for me. I tried…”

“Clarke, stop.” Lexa laughed, pushing her girlfriend gently on the bed. Clarke laid back and she stared at the ceiling. “You’re tangled in your own words and thoughts. Calm down, we’re together now. No need to be nervous, love.”

She laid on bed next to Clarke and blonde moved, resting her head on Lexa’s chest. She heard brunette’s steady and strong heartbeat. Blonde smiled but her smile vanished when she recalled the moment when the doctor said that Lexa had problems with her heart. She sighed.

“How’s your heart, Lexa?” she asked, full of concern, but Lexa chuckled.

“Okay, I think.” she nodded. “There’s nothing to be worried about, Clarke, it's still beating.”  
She cuddled her girlfriend, suddenly feeling that blonde had kissed her neck. She shivered, but she didn’t find it bad. She actually liked it.

“What was that?” she asked with smile, but Clarke didn’t answer. Instead of words, she felt another kiss on her neck.

Clarke got up and leaned on her forearm. She glanced at Lexa and she smiled, kissing her lips. Lexa put her hands around blonde’s neck and she pushed her, smiling. She was immediately on the top of Clarke. Blonde smiled widely, but she was quite surprised that Lexa actually did something like that.

“I thought that you’re not…” she stated and Lexa nodded.

“Neither are you.” She smiled. “Fear not, I won’t do anything to you, Clarke. And... also you're not Costia. I trust you.”

And she leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend, but she couldn’t. Suddenly Clarke’s phone rang.

She pulled out her phone and she showed Lexa her screen. It was Raven.

“Talk with her… if you want to.” she stated. Clarke sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is. I hope you liked it!  
> After the last chapter I agree, there was a hell of a slow burn, but it's not so long. I'm recently working on my book and the first kiss is on the 645th page, so... XD
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all your kudos and comments, that mean a lot to me! It's so good to be back here!
> 
> Take care and until next Friday!


	59. Will we both go?

„I'm gonna pick that.” Clarke sighed and when she obtained caring nod from Lexa, she hit the green headphone on the screen.

Blonde got up from brunette's bed and she started walking around the room, trying to remain calm, but it was more than obvious that she just couldn’t.

„Raven, no.” She stated, interrupting latina after her first words. „Look, I do appreciate that you’re calling me, but I have no reason to listen to you.”

„Clarke, please. Give me couple of seconds and when I would tell you what I need to tell, I'll let you decide whether you want to speak with me or not.” Raven's voice was full of concern and its owner begged for hearing her.

Clarke looked at Lexa, but brunette sat still on her bed, not even moving for breathing, which she was obviously doing, blonde had no clue what her girlfriend had on her mind.

„Okay, but I'm busy, so what about you hurry up your ass.” She stated, thinking about that maybe, just maybe, Raven should've taken her head off of her ass.

„Look, Clarke, I knew what I did wrong, but I want to apologize for that. But... wait, before you hung up on me... I don’t want to apologize on the phone. It just... it’s just not right.”

„So what do you propose?”

„What about meeting. I really need to talk to you, Clarke. And not only you. To you both, to Clexa.”

„You’re calling us a what now?” Clarke couldn’t believe that she actually heard that bizarre name.

„Yeah, I... I was kinda shipping you two guys and... since you wanted me to hurry up, I thought that it might be shorter than »Clarke and Lexa«.” Raven stated and blonde scoffed.

„You’re unbelievable. But fine. When and where. And, for being honest, I don’t guarantee you that Lexa would come with me, it's all up to her.” Clarke was mad, but she actually thought that latina finally came to her mind.

„Of course, it’s up to her.” Raven sighed. „Tomorrow. Arcadia. 11 a.m. How about that?”

„Mmm-kay.” Clarke agreed. „See you there.” And, without further waiting for any word from Raven's side, she hung up.

„What's up?” Lexa asked after a few seconds of silence. „Everything's okay?”

„Yeah, it was just...” Clarke stopped, because her phone started ringing again. She saw that it was call from her mother and she waved her phone. „I should pick that one, too.” She gave Lexa an apologetic smile, but brunette simply nodded. Clarke picked up.

„So?” Lexa refreshed her question after blonde finished talking and Clarke sighed.

„That one was from my mum.” She said. „She’s not gonna make it home tonight, she has to stay in the hospital.”

„Then how about you staying there overnight?” Lexa offered immediately and Clarke looked at her with surprise.

„Saying what now?” she asked unbelievingly, but Lexa nodded her head and shrugged as if that was nothing.

„Look. You’re about to say what’s going on with Raven. And it’s getting late... you would be home even later and you'll be there alone... and I won’t let you. If...” she interrupts, realizing that maybe she was too pushy „...if you want that, of course.”

„Yeah, of course I do, but... why...?”

„I care about you, Clarke.” Brunette stood up and approached blonde. She spread her arms and gave Clarke a warm hug. „I want you to feel comfortable and safe. And I can’t do that if you’re home alone. And neither is your mother.”

„Seems legit.” Clarke snorted with laughter. „Okay, but...”

„You can sleep here and I can set myself on the couch downstairs, that’s not a problem.” Lexa blushed and started inventing strange solutions. „That would prevent us...”

„...from talking?” blonde glanced at her girlfriend. „Isn’t that what you actually wanted us to do?”

„True.” Lexa shook her head. „So... you can still have my bed and I'll go for the floor.”

„Are you kidding me, Lexa.” That wasn’t even a question. Clarke was quite embarrassed. „Look, I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed, I...”

„I insist.” Brunette glanced at Clarke and blonde sighed. „Just... please? For me?”

„Oh, okay, you dork.” Blonde smiled, shaking her head. „But only this time... and only for you.” She stated and Lexa nodded. She approached her drawer and she took some clothes for that Clarke could change.

„Here.” She smiled and blonde nodded gratefully.

„Would you mind if I...?”

„Not at all.” Lexa shrugged, giving her a towel. „Suit yourself, feel like home.” I’ll be here waiting for you to come back.”

Clarke smiled and she was out of the room, heading the bathroom for shower. She couldn’t believe that was her first official day of relationship with Lexa and first sleepover together. She sighed, thinking that she shouldn’t tell Raven, even if they would start to talk again, because latina would mock her and she would ask, for sure, if the two of them had sex.

Clarke was never the one to rush, she knew that Raven liked her life and relationships beyond limits, she wanted to feel all, at once, without hesitation. She wanted to go for it not long after she thought that she got to know somebody that she liked. Blonde was aware that it could be tough, but Raven wanted it. Sometimes Clarke thought that latina couldn’t live without that.

She stood under the shower stream and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe that she was at Lexa's, with her girlfriend who actually understood her. Who wanted the best for her, who didn’t think for a single minute that she is worth being with because of how she looks.

„Oh, god, Finn was such an ass.” She groaned and she shook her head. „How could I even thought of being with him?”

 

**LEXA**

She was out to the bathroom vis-à-vis Anya’s bathroom’s door. She was standing under the shower and convincing herself that inviting Clarke for staying overnight wasn’t a mistake.

“What if she would think that I want more than actually only talking and sleeping next to each other?” she whispered, leaning her head towards the wall and sensing the water streaming down her body. Cold surface of the tiles was refreshing.

Finally she decided to go for everything that night might bring, for conversation, for… she didn’t really know what for, but she was ready to bear the burden of suggestiveness of this situation that she caused. And, if it will come to something that the two of them wouldn’t want, she was ready to say “stop”.

She stepped out of the shower, rapidly used the towel, brushed her teeth and she was out to the bedroom, noticing that Clarke had not been there yet. She sighed and made her bed for blonde and, after that, she approached her desk and she opened the top drawer in it. There was a bunch of sleeping pills and a small box containing her "anxiety" pills.

“Hey, everything’s okay?” Clarke entered the room quietly, but Lexa heard her anyway. She turned around to her girlfriend, watching her approaching and she smiled sadly, nodding her head. Blonde glanced at the pills. “Oh, are those for…?”

“Sleeping and anxiety issues.” Brunette nodded. “But I…”

“What’s wrong, Lexa?” Clarke asked, looking at her girlfriend carefully and full of concern. “Because I can tell that something’s not right.”

“I just wonder if I should take them.” She shrugged. “You know… I’m…”

“Hey, being psychically disabled of something is not bad, you know? Everybody has their issues, honey, just some people had bigger problems than others. You’re not worst than anyone if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Thanks.” Lexa felt relieved and she sighed. She took one pill and she looked at the another one.

“Why don’t you take this too?” Clarke asked cautiously and brunette smiled.

“Because I want to talk to you and this will knock me down after several minutes, so I’d rather pass for now.” She stated and both of them sat on the bed. “Look, I’m so sorry that all the time it was all about me. I’m really sorry. But it’s time for you to finally tell me something, you know? What’s about Raven, huh?”

Clarke glanced at Lexa with caring eyes. She was looking at brunette for a while, noticing that she actually looked so cute in her black sweatpants and baggy, black T-shirt, even if it was saying _fuck society._ She was bewitched by Lexa’s damp hair, just cut loose, falling on her shoulders, before her girlfriend decided to make a messy bun with them. Brunette was looking at Clarke with her emerald eyes that caused blonde sinking in this deep colour of them, but she had to finally say something.

“First of all, you don’t have to apologize for anything, you know? It’s not your fault, I can imagine that you didn’t obtain the right amount of attention and…”

“No, Clarke. I am obtaining all the attention I need, sometimes even more than I would want, so it’s not like that. And, please, tell me what’s happening.”

“She called to apologize for the party, but she said that she didn’t want to apologize through phone. So she offered us a meeting.”

“Us? She wants me to come too?” Lexa was surprised, but Clarke didn’t really get why.

“Yes, of course… she caused more harm to you that night than to me, to be honest, but I don’t want to play it down, because she could cause a lot of harm on us if you would have been different… oh, shit, I don’t know how to really say it.”

“You mean that if I just… was different than it would be possible that we would never had been together?” brunette asked and Clarke nodded, swallowing hard. It was terrible to even think about that, because she couldn’t imagine living without Lexa. “That I would just disappear from your live for good just because she had said something stupid while being completely hammered?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Clarke sighed. “But, anyway… you know. I agreed and she set up the meeting for Arcadia, tomorrow, at 11. I gave her no guarantee that you will show, because I’m well aware that it was humiliating for you and I’m so, so sorry…”

“Clarke… don’t.” Lexa approached a little and she hugged Clarke warmly. “Look, I said it some time ago, it’s not your fault. You did nothing to cause it, she was just crazy bitchy that moment and crazy drunk. I am surprised that she can even remember what happened then. But if she wants to meet and she wants to meet us both, I can go there… if you do. Will you?”

“If you would go.” Clarke smiled and Lexa smiled back. “So… are you really going to sleep on that floor?”

“Yeah, why not?” brunette winked and she slipped, sitting on the floor. Clarke sighed.

“Your bed seems to be made for more than one person.” Blonde tapped the cover. “And I don’t really feel like sleeping alone.”

“Okay then.” Lexa smiled. “I hope that you wouldn’t complain about me in the morning.”

“I don’t think so.” Clarke shrugged, when Lexa leaned on the bed, covering them with her blanket and spreading her arm for Clarke to hug. Blonde leaned on brunette, with her head on her chest. “Lexa…?”

“Yes, Clarke?”

“Thank you.” She whispered and she felt sharp movement of Lexa’s chest when she chuckled.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Clarke smiled and she fell asleep listening to the steady beating of Lexa’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, I think they're cute. XD
> 
> Thanks for all your support, comments and kudos, that mean everything to me as a writer! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	60. Apologetic smile is not enough

Lexa opened her eyes and she sighed when she noticed the sunlight beaming on her floor from outside. She glanced at Clarke, still asleep on her chest, calmly breathing. She smiled and decided not to move, she didn’t want to force blonde to wake up. She carefully entoured Clarke with her arm and she smiled even widely.

Lexa couldn’t believe that she wasn’t alone anymore. That she actually had someone who wanted to be with her and who seemed to care about her, who trusted her. She sighed again when she thought about Costia and about how her relationship had been through the time she was with Knight. There was nothing that could had been compared to what she had at this moment.

She was finally happy, she could say that with all the certainty she had. She was glad that she didn’t have to pretend that she’s not afraid, because she was finally calm. Of course, she was careful around people as usual, but she finally felt that there’s someone that she can trust, someone other than only her sister.

Lexa was so glad that she listened to Anya after all, that her sister succeeded convincing her to believe that Clarke could be bisexual. Without her Lexa was sure that she would have done something that she could regret. And now? She was the happiest person on Earth.

She noticed that Clarke started waking up and she smiled even wider when she finally saw these amazingly blue, woozy eyes of her.

“Hey, babe.” Blonde stated with warm smile and she sighed, trying to stretch a little bit.

“Hey. How was your night?” she asked and Clarke chuckled.

“Never been better.” She leaned on her forearm and she smooched Lexa’s cheek. “Yours?”

“Just great.” Brunette bumped blonde’s nose with her own, realizing that she actually didn’t take the sleeping pill and she was sleeping like a dead. That was amazing. “I wish we could do this more frequently.”

“Me too.” Clarke turned Lexa’s arm for looking on her watch. “Oh, shit, it’s 10:30!”

“Fuck.”

They both were out of the bed immediately, preparing themselves for the meeting that they were meant to be on. Lexa lent Clarke some clothes and she put on black jeans, black tank top and her black hoodie.

“Lex, you’re looking like you’re going to somebody’s funeral… but you don’t right?” Clarke bumped at her downstairs, when she was out of the bathroom. Lexa smiled.

“I won’t kill anybody today, if that’s what you’re suggesting, Clarke.” she stated and she wanted to offer something to eat, but blonde rushed them, because there were no time to waste, they were already late.

“Please, don’t tell Raven we’re together. I’ll tell her if everything would go okay.”

“You have my word.”

 

*

 

“To be honest I didn’t expect you to show.” Raven said when Clarke and Lexa appeared in Arcadia and finally found latina’s table.  
She was nervous, because she could feel the ghost of solitude over her, breathing with its ice cold breath right through her body. She was afraid that her friend would let this meeting go and that she would just assume that Raven wasn’t even worthy of her time. And then she saw both of them. Clarke was enough, Rae couldn’t have prayed for more, but it happened; Lexa was there as well. That was something that made latina even more nervous, but she promised herself that she could do this, so she was prepared for everything. Or almost everything.

What she wasn’t prepared for was Clarke’s cold voice and Lexa’s silence as they sat down in front of Raven.

“Excuse us we’re late.” Blonde stated. “We have some issues that needed to be dealt with.”

 _Yeah, like running like hell down there, because we overslept_. Lexa thought, but she remained silent and, also, what was nightmarish for Raven, she maintained poker face. Nobody could read anything from her facial expression, because there was none.

 _What is she thinking right now?_ Raven thought, but she didn’t ask out loud, because there was something disturbing in Lexa’s way of being there. Awkward silence descended for couple of minutes and brunette finally stood up.

“I’ll go for order. You want something special?” she asked Clarke, perfectly seeing that Raven had her order in front of her. Clarke smiled warmly and she shrugged.

“I’ll trust you. But please, strong coffee.”

“Sure.” Lexa nodded and she was out of that awkward situation, not even looking back at Raven. Latina was quite grateful for that.

“So, you want to say something or we just got there for nothing?” Clarke asked, when she noticed that Raven wasn’t willing to say anything. Latina raised her head and blushed, nervously scratching her forearm.

“Yeah, of course I want…”

“Then say it.” Blonde crossed her arms and gave Raven quite cold glance. “Because I don’t have all day to sit there and listen to your stuttering.”

Latina shivered and she sighed. She didn’t expect that Clarke would be friendly after all, but she was hoping that maybe she wouldn’t be hostile either. But, anyway, she had to take all of this.

“Look, Clarke, I… um… I know that what I did was wrong and even though I was hammered… it’s not really good explanation for what I said, but I need you to listen to me. I cannot turn back time, because I’m not Legends of Tomorrow to fix this shit, but… I can apologize. But… I can’t do this without you. I need you to forgive me.” Raven said and Clarke scoffed.

“You’re addressing this speech to the wrong person, Raven.” She stated, giving her another one of the ice cold looks from over Raven’s coffee. “Because I’m not the most hurt person there and I wasn’t’ then either.”

“You’re right, but you’re my friend. I cannot apologize for that if I am not certain that you can actually forgive me.” She was really desperate, but Clarke was tough. She knew that what latina had said wasn’t really the right thing.

“And you’re wrong. You have to apologize to her first.” She said, checking, if Lexa is not coming back yet. Fortunately, the queue was quite long. “Because you pissed me off as fuck, right, but, what’s more important, you hurt her. And, not to kick the dying, but… you could have done much more worse with these words. You could have screwed my relation with her while perfectly knowing how much I care about her, you’re aware?”

“Yes, Clarke, I am.” Latina sighed. “I’m so sorry, but please…”

“What do you want me to do, huh?” Clarke frowned and Raven backed off on her chair a little. She had never seen her friend like that. She had never expected that she could screw things so much. “To take your apology, to be your friend again and what next? To wait for another fucking situation like that one? What, you expect me to fully trust you again, because you were my friend?” she hissed full of wrath inside.

“What do you mean saying »we were friends«?” Raven’s eyes become bigger. “For fuck’s sake, Clarke!”

“I know that you’re sorry, but you are still treating me as some kind of better person than she is.” Blonde pointed Lexa who was now making an order. “You’re trying to apologize to me, but you’re not even thinking about apologizing to her, are you?”

“I wanted, but… but I’m afraid of… her.” Raven admitted. She expected Clarke to be, even a little, surprised, but she was as pissed as she was before that statement.

“Why is that?”

“Because… oh, come on, didn’t you see how she was looking at me? Without any emotion? Without anything? Like… Clarke, look. I know that you really like her, but in this case I have to…”

“If you’re trying to tell me not to try to be with her then you better shut the fuck up, because I’m not listening to this. Lexa has emotions, she is so full of them, but… yeah, you’re just not the right person to show them to.” She shrugged, knowing that this phrase could hurt her friend. She was aware of that, but she wanted her to know how much she screwed things up.

“Okay, not my business, I get it.” She sighed, rising her hands. “But please…”

“Lexa’s coming back.” Blonde stated, moving on her chair. “Do what needs to be done and maybe, just maybe, we will figure something out. Hey, everything’s all right?”

Raven was surprised how fast Clarke changed her voice. She was so harsh to her, yet so tender and caring towards Lexa. Latina started wondering what happened between them when she was out of their lives. And if there was anything that she actually could do the right way and to be back.

Lexa handed Clarke coffee and a plate with croissants. She took the mug with tea. “Yeah, I guess so.” She smiled gently, sitting on the chair again. “People everywhere, but yeah… just normal one. And what’s about here?”

“Nothing special.” Clarke shrugged, looking at Raven and expecting her to say something.

Latina really cared about Clarke… about Clexa. She found that strange and new, but she actually really liked the idea of her best friend being with this beautiful, crazy intelligent but a little awkward nerd. She had never thought about sharing Clarke with anybody, but when it came to Lexa she thought that she should be the exception because of what latina had seen between the two women. She was certain that Lexa was the one who exactly knew how to protect shy and sensitive Clarke. Lexa was tough, she was caring and Raven had seen this now. She know that saying that between Clarke and Lexa were sparks wasn’t enough to say.

”Yeah, um…” Raven caught Lexa’s cold attention and she shivered, but she knew that if she wanted all this to be normal… at least to start being normal, she had to proceed and do something. “Lexa. I… I’m so sorry. I know that what I said during that party was really dick move, but… I was hammered.”  
“That’s not really any excuse.” Lexa shrugged, sipping slowly from her mug. She knew that Raven was drunk, but shhe also knew that when she had enough of something that's making her behaving weird, she had to stop. To be honest, she noticed that Raven was nervous. She was almost breaking her joints, she was sweating and brunette was pretty sure that she saw her shivering. What’s more — Raven’s hands were shaking. Anytime except this one she could just get over with all that. But not this time. She felt senseless, emotionless, she didn’t know why was that, but she was certain that for feeling anything apart from disgust for that situation, Raven should do her best.

“Yeah, I know, but…” Latina stammered, but Lexa’s phone buzzed. She didn’t mean to be mean to Raven, but when she pulled it out to cut the call, she saw officer Ryder’s name on the screen and she sighed.

“I’m sorry, but I should pick that up.” Brunette stated and she stood up, picked the call and got out of the building.

“So, you want to actually apologize to her or just exculpate yourself that you’ve been drunk?” Clarke scoffed and Raven shook her head, looking at her friend with pain in her eyes.

“What happened to you, Clarke?” she asked without understanding. “You’ve never been such a bitch.”

“Well, I think that’s the high time to pay off my debts.” Blonde shrugged. “You were bitchy then, so I assume that that situation gave me permission to be bitchy this time.”

“Only this time?” Rae raised her eyebrow, but Clarke scoffed once more.

“If you can’t manage with what’s right, then who I am to meet you once again?” blonde raised her eyebrow, but that was enough for Raven.

“So I think that’s it, right?” she asked, leaning towards Clarke who, unfortunately for latina, remained calm. “You want to treat me like a piece of garbage because I slipped once and told her what I thought then? With my mind behind the fucking mist made from percents?” she snapped, but Clarke chuckled demonically and she also leaned towards her friend. Her face was cloudy, she was pissed off and there wasn’t any sign of what this situation may bring.

“We both told you that being drunk DOESN’T exempt you from thinking. One piece of drinking alcohol is knowing your boundaries and trying not to break them like you did.”

“And you will be judging me over and over because of that?” Raven snapped. “Because you're so saint and never been drunk as fuck. You know what? Screw you and your crazy bitch who is now talking on the phone. I thought that I was your friend and that we could get through everything that would come. And what I have now? Nothing, because my friend is gone. She really changed you, Clarke. And I’m not sure if that’s for the better.”

“How you even dare.” Clarke stood up and squinted her eyes. “You could have caused end of our friendship, Raven. She could have told me that she had not want to see me again. And you know why? Because you got drunk, because you insisted that you will be drinking for her and for you both! And now what, you dare to tell me that she changed me? No, Raven, that’s fucking bullshit. That was YOU. YOU have changed me, because I had to completely change my thinking. I had to go after her, apologize to her, I was ashamed of what you had said, because even if that wasn’t true, she had no reason to believe me, you know? Thanks to you we could go back to the way things were at the very beginning, Raven. We could have been strangers now, can you imagine? Because you had said that I would’ve fuck her and that I was thinking about it all the time.”

“Calm down, blondie.” Raven snapped. “That’s not my problem, that she has trust issues. You know, what? She’s just dumbass. I don’t’ want to apologize to her anymore, because I think that she had bad influence on you, Clarke.”

“Shut the fuck up and don’t you even try to judge her, because you don’t know shit about her, you know? And I’ll tell you something. I knew that you were jealous because I was finally happy. But I can’t understand why are you trying to destroy everything I have. You have Anya, but you also want to have me? Try to think, because I’m not anyone’s, you get it? You’re trying to be protective, but all you’re doing is to mess things up. Maybe I overreacted, but now… now I think we’re done, Raven. So much years of friendship wasted because I couldn’t just see how fucking unfair you are. You always wanted to have all, now I hope you’ll got nothing.”

Raven didn’t waste any more time. She stood up and she squinted her eyes as well.

“Fine. If that’s what you want, then so be it.” She said and she stormed out the Arcadia caffé. She bumped at Lexa who finished the call at that moment.

“What the hell…?” words came in time when Raven, without any hesitation, hit her face. Lexa made a few steps back just not to fall on the ground and she touched her nose. It was bleeding.

“You should thank me that I didn’t kill you, you bitch.” Latina snapped, but she didn’t have enough. She raised her fist once more, but this time Lexa caught that and she almost broke her bones when she clenched her fingers on latina’s hand.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Raven?” she squinted her eyes and tried to read something from Raven’s face, but she couldn’t find anything except from disgust and rage.

“What the fuck is wrong with YOU.” Latina spitted under Lexa’s legs. “You’re like a whore. You are messing around with everybody you find worthy and then you’re making them alone. You’re the Black Death, you’re hurting Clarke by being who you are, WHAT you are. You changed her, she is thinking that you’re the only one suffering here and that’s a mistake. She is abandoning everyone she has ever loved, she has ever respected. And for what?” she glanced at Lexa with such contempt that brunette didn’t seen in quite long time. “For something that will finally abandon her. For something that would never be good for her. You know what? Shame on me, I thought that you would be the one who could actually protect her from all the harm, but you’re the one causing it, you know? I can’t believe that she choose you over me, but apparently you can brainwash and manipulate people way better than I thought you can. But fear not, you’ll regret this soon. As soon as she finally sees that you’ll be doomed. And you’ll flee. Gay whore who only can take, while not giving anything in return.” Raven spitted in Lexa’s face and brunette didn’t dodge.  
Instead she caught Raven’s neck and she slapped her through the wall.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Lexa’s face was extremely close to latina’s. “I recommend you to cool down and think what you have just said. I know that Clarke’s important to you, but I can also say that she’s important to me. And you don’t really know me, so who you are to judge.” Lexa snapped, but Raven was so raged that she didn’t even remember to be scared. Also, Lexa tried not to mention latina's hypocrisy of naming Lexa "gay whore" while being with other woman.

“That’s all you’ve ever done.” She hit Lexa to push her away. “You can only intimidate, you can’t do anything else. It’s not working on me, braided girl. You may be hot, you may be talented and you may be smart, but guess what? Clarke’s loyal. And I know that she would finally be back to me. On her knees, crying to listen to her, because it’ll turn out what you really are. And you know what? I’ll take her and I’ll tell her that I’m glad she’s back. Because THAT’S WHO I AM. And you… you…” she hit Lexa one more time right in the face, when brunette wasn’t expecting the hit. “You’ll regret that you’ve ever been next to her. I’ll destroy you.”

And she was out. She ran towards the main street and she disappeared into the crowd. Lexa, panting, wiping away the blood noticed that Clarke, concerned about her not coming back, was out of the building.

“Oh my god, Lexa, what happened?!” she approached with concern in her eyes and she touched gently Lexa’s face. “Please, tell me that wasn’t Raven.”

“No, Clarkex, just random person with bad day." Lexa scoffed. "You two had not really amusing conversation, did you?” Lexa asked, not even looking at her girlfriend.

“Let’s say that, yeah.” Clarke sighed. “But… hell, what happened?”

“I have to go to the police station, honey.” Lexa said, glancing at blonde with steel in her eyes. “Officer Ryder wanted to talk to me about something that’s attached to Costia.”

“Okay, can I come with you?”

“Of course, if you want.” Lexa smiled worriedly and Clarke nodded, looking at her with concern.

“Lexa, everything’s okay?”

“It’s like I’m gaining more and more enemies each day here.” She sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, there are the fireworks. This chapter should have been different, but I just sat in front of the screen and let my fingers do their job, so there it is. I hope that you liked it. I also think that this one is a beginning of something between Raven and Lexa, more personal, because Raven just behaved weirdly. So stay tuned for next one. :)
> 
> Thank you for all kudos and comments, they mean everything to me. I feel like beating bosses in my lifenright now so that's really great that you're here! Thanks for all!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	61. Love knows no boundaries

“Okay, officer, what’s all about?” Lexa asked when she was in Ryder’s office and Clarke was waiting for her outside the room.

“Costia’s has been charged.” The police officer stated, handing some paper sheets to Lexa. “She would be processed because of her sexual harassment, rape and drug  possessing and dealing. Your statement will be required in the court and I thought that I want to inform you personally, miss Woods.”

“That’s… that’s great, officer.” Brunette nodded as she was looking at the papers that police officer had handed her. “I’ve never dreamt of that, I thought that I’ve already lost this. And, of course, I will make the statement in the court.”

“That’s perfect, miss Woods. I hope that would be the end of your problems with miss Knight.” Ryder smiled and Lexa nodded gratefully. She hoped that too, but she wasn’t really convinced that this situation could change anything. Even if Costia would be out, Lexa still had problems with Raven and Finn. “Of course, these men who attacked you and caused your clinical death are charged too. Miss Knight told us everything, so they won’t escape without punishment.”

“I hope that would be the end of it all, officer.” Brunette stood up and shook hands with officer Ryder. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But…” she pointed at Lexa’s face. “…should I ask what happened?”

“Not really.” Lexa frowned on single thought about Raven’s fists.

“But that has nothing to do with this case?” she glanced at Lexa carefully, probably thinking that she had another unpleasant meeting with another Costia’s minions.  
“No, officer. It was… let’s say that I had not so fortunate conversation with my girlfriend’s friend.” Lexa sighed, reminding that officer Ryder knew Raven just because she was the one who helped saving her life when she was beaten.

“Okay…” Ryder wasn’t really convinced, but she was sure that unless Lexa wanted it, she wouldn’t have been speaking about anything. She nodded and shook brunette’s hand once again. “Then… thank you once again, miss Woods. And I hope that, even if we had fruitful cooperation, it wouldn’t be necessary to meet once more in other cases.”

“Me too.” Lexa smiled. “Good bye.”

And she was out the office. She approached Clarke who raised her head and looked at her.

“Everything’s all right?” she asked and Lexa nodded.

“Yeah, Costia has been charged, so are Quint, Atom and Gideon.” Lexa sighed. “I’m truly grateful that my problems with them are ending here… but that’s not the end of all troubles I had.”

“You mean Raven?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded when they were on their way out of the building.

“Yeah, but also Finn. He can charge me because I hit him.”

“He hit you first.” Clarke snorted with laughter, when she imagined Finn’s beaten face. “He deserved that, so… but fear not, I would be by your side and all will be fine.”

“Thanks.” Lexa nodded, but blonde saw that brunette had something bothering her.

“Hey, honey, what’s up? I can tell something’s wrong.”

“Oh…” Lexa thought for a while, considering if she should tell Clarke about what Raven had said. She wanted to share it, but she also knew that it would be something that could destroy that friendship and she didn’t want that. She knew that Clarke was important to Raven and that Raven was important to Clarke, even if blonde said otherwise. It was temporal and Lexa wouldn’t want to be the one throwing these facts on blonde just because Raven said it. She was suspecting that Raven was too nervous and that she didn’t really know what she was doing, not for the first time in her life.

“Lexa…?”

“Yeah, I was just wandering…” she made her decision. “What happened between you and Raven? Why she was pissed off so much that she got out, hit me in the face and then disappeared?”

“Um…” Clarke thought for a while, not knowing what to say. “You know… we’re talking. She had some objections for your behavior, like, you know, you were emotionless. She assumed that you’re too emotionless, that she is afraid of you and… to make long story short — she stated that you’re pretending to be the victim here, to be the one who is the most hurt. And she charged you with that you changed me. Then she refused to apologize, because I was a bitch and she stormed out.”

“Well, fuck, that was intense.” Lexa sighed, shaking her head. “But how are you feeling?”

“I think that maybe that was it? I don’t know, I always thought that Raven would be my best friend forever and now… I’m not so sure. She was always okay to me, but I feel like she went too far.”

Lexa didn’t say a word, she just nodded. She wanted to say something, tell Clarke that maybe she shouldn’t be so hard on Raven, but she couldn’t. Not after what latina had said.

She didn’t have to answer because that was the moment when both cell phones rang. Clarke picked up the call and Lexa did the same with hers.

“What?” she asked, seeing Anya’s name on the screen.

“You had a fight with Raven?” he sister asked calmly so Lexa assumed that she wasn’t enraged.

“Can we talk about this at home?” brunette asked, full of hope that Anya would agree. And she did. She didn’t say anything else and she just hung up, so Lexa assumed that her sister had a bad mood and she would have to bear this.

“All right?” Lexa heard when she turned around to see Clarke. “Because my mom called and she wanted to meet.”

“Yeah, all is good. Go, we will be in touch.” Brunette smiled and nodded and Clarke hugged her carefully.

“Look, don’t bother about Raven, okay? I will figure something out. And I make sure that she will know her place.” Blonde stated and, before Lexa could say anything, she ran towards her home. Brunette sighed, but the she had an idea. She called one person she, maybe, should talk with.

“Lexa? What happened?” she heard surprised voice of only one person who might help in this moment.

“Octavia, I need your help. Can we meet?”

“Where.”

“In the park, how ‘bout that?”

“Give me ten.” And she hung up. Lexa hid her phone in her pocket and she sighed. She had never thought that Octaivia would be so eager to help her, what’s more — without even asking with what.

She headed the park.

 

*

  
“So, Lex, what happened… to your face?” Octavia seemed surprised when she sat next to brunette and she took the tea that Lexa had brought with her.

“I had a fight with Raven.” She stated and her interlocutor’s eyes widened.

“You had WHAT?” she asked, stunned. “You mean… she hit you in the face?”

“Yeah, right.” Lexa shrugged. “So… I have question for you… may I?”

“Sure, shoot.” O. nodded and brunette sighed.

“How was Raven when you three were in the same school? Like, you know, when you met each other?”

Octavia wondered for a while.

“Rae–Rae and Clarke had already known each other when I joined the pack.” She stated, sipping the tea from paper mug. “But she was… like you know her, I suppose. She was reckless, maybe more reckless than she is now, but she also was protective. She really liked Clarke and me, so we’re always together, bounded by something that was really strange, because no one really thought that we can actually be friends. Like, you know, Clarke was always the sensitive one, the one who always loved people, art, who was the dreamer of the team. I was always the wise one, which sounds terrible, but that was the truth… and still is. And Raven was always the crazy one. The one with the silliest of ideas, full of the sickest ways of doing things that neither me nor Clarke would have ever imagined. But I think that’s just the way she is. Why are you asking?”

“You think that… in order to protect somebody that she loves, that is important to her… she could do anything?”

“You mean?”

“Like, I don’t know, insulting?”

“Oh, that’s common, I suppose. She didn’t always think about what she was doing, she always had hot head, you know? Like… she was acting and then she was thinking, after the situation and not always her conclusions were that she had done everything right. Her major flaw is acting before thinking. But she is always convinced that she’s doing the right thing, so… it’s hard. She had never had a lot of friends, if I want to be honest, she had only me and Clarke, so she wanted to protect us at all cost. She was just very lonely person who finally found somebody to hang out with. So she wasn’t really happy while seeing one of us with anybody else. She can accept Lincoln, because I was the second one attached to her, but with Clarke is different. She knew her first and they both became friends very quickly. For what I know, Raven was always this person she is, you know, with this specific character, not really loving to be kind to people. Sometimes she is just saying too much. But… why are you asking? She insulted someone?”

“In fact, she insulted me.” Lexa sighed. “But, please, don’t say anything to Clarke, I don’t want her to be hurt and… you know. If this could destroy their friendship… I don’t want that.”

“Hey, is there something I don’t know about you two?” Octavia squinted her eyes and smirked when Lexa blushed. “Say that you two are together and I would know everything.”

“Well, we are.” Lexa nodded.

“Then Raven is just jealous.” O. stated. “You know, when she was with Clarke alone, that was okay. When Finn appeared that was okay too, because they hang out together. We hang out together. After that Finn dumped Clarke and he wanted to be with Raven, Clarke accepted that and gave them some space, but they were still hanging out together. And when he cheated on Raven… we were reunited for the first time for real.”

“I’m concerned… why you’re always on the side, never in the middle, Octavia. You know… Raven and Clarke, Clarke and Raven, where are you?” Lexa leaned back to the bench and she glanced at her interlocutor.

“I’m on the side, like you’ve noticed. But I’m the one who is always on the sport’s way. I have friends from team, I have people that I can hang out with. Raven and Clarke are my best friends, but… I’ve always been on the side. Sometimes I think that Raven doesn’t really like me, because when we’re together Clarke’s attention is split between us.” Octavia sighed and Lexa raised her eyebrow.

“That’s not really the best thing to hear about.” She stated and O. nodded.

“But that’s how she is. Jealous, protective… craving for attention. Sometimes can use hypocrisy…”

“Oh, yeah, I heard that…” Lexa sighed. “Today.”

“What did she say?”

“That I’m gay whore, but I know that she didn’t mean it.”

“She said WHAT.” Octavia glanced at Lexa with fear on her face. “For fuck’s sake, Lex, please, tell me you’re joking.”

“That would be pathetic joke, wouldn’t it?” brunette said skeptically and she scoffed. “That’s kinda fun, when I think about it and I know that she’s dating a woman. And, what’s even funnier that woman is my sister. Isn’t that hilarious?”

“I know that you’re using sarcasm, but… no it’s not.” Octavia said with fear. “You didn’t tell Clarke? For real?”

“No, I didn’t. As I said… I don’t want to destroy their friendship while there is still a chance to save it.”

“For fuck’s sake, Lexa, she insulted you… and not even in the way that could be barely acceptable.” Octavia groaned, but then she understood why was that. “You really love Clarke, don’t you?”

“Of course I love her.” Lexa shrugged. “And I know that even if she is saying that she hates Raven, I know that she is saying this now. Who knows what would be tomorrow or in two days. And I don’t want to be the obstacle between them. I…”

“You know what? I don’t really know the situation that happened, but… I think that Raven didn’t deserve it. And I mean that she didn’t deserve your attitude. I appreciate that you’re thinking forward, but… You’re too good for her. Anyway, I’m glad that you and Clarke are finally together.” Octavia smiled, gently punching Lexa’s arm. “All the best for my favourite pairing.”

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled back. “Anya wanted to talk to me, I think that Raven had already told her about all situation. I don’t really know what to do… oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t burden you with my problems…”

“Hey, I’m here for you. You’re my friend, you proved your worth. So if there’s anything that I can do for you, just ask me. I know that you would do the same for me.” Octavia backed her hand when she noticed that Lexa didn’t really like being touched.

“I think that… I’ve got more and more enemies when I’m with Clarke.”

“Don’t you dare give up on her.” Octavia warned Lexa, but brunette nodded sadly.

“I have to admit that I thought about that once, but that would be the worst thing I did like ever, because I love her and she seems to love me too, so…”

“Look, Lex, I tell you something. She’s crazy in love with you. She was from the very beginning and the theory that she wanted to fuck you and fuck you only was fake. Raven is specific and we all know this, so don’t look at her at all. You’re Clarke’s girlfriend, the best thing that could happen to her. I saw how she was behaving when she was after seeing you, I saw how she was behaving when she didn’t have you around. And you know what? She loves you and she is for you to support you. I know that you’re hiding something, maybe that’s dark and you don’t like to talk about that, I’m not blaming you, but I’m sure that you’ve told her. And she certainly understood that. You’re weird, Lexa, but weirdly beautiful. You’re nerd, but we all like you as you are. And Clarke loves you the way you are. So don’t give up on her because there’s Raven or there’s Finn. You’re supposed to be happy together, with or without them.”

“Thanks, O.” Lexa smiled. “I… I think I needed this.”

“You’re welcome, Lex.” Octavia nodded. “Now… go, talk with your sister. I’m pretty sure that she wants to know what happened from your point of view. And I hope she would understand.”

“Thanks… yeah, you’re right. Thank you, Octavia.”

“Anytime.” O. smiled and observed Lexa while she was standing up from the bench.

“You know, what? You deserved so much more than being on the side, O.” Lexa stated. “Think about it… and maybe we could meet, you know, you, Clarke, me… just for fun. To play something.”

“That would be great.” Octavia smiled widely. “No alcohol, of course.”

“That was implied.” Lexa winked and she was out, heading her way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are. Octavia was out for so long that it's quite good to see her again. I hope you guys liked this one. :)
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments, I'm so happy that you're here, leaving them!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	62. Spilled blood

“Now, can you tell me what happened?” Anya asked in the moment when Lexa entered home. She looked at her sister and hissed. “What the fuck?”

“Raven hit me.” Brunette shrugged. “That’s nothing.”

“Wait what? She HIT you?”

“Did I said it too quiet? Yes, she did.” Lexa snapped. “What do you want, a local vision? You wanted to talk to me.”

“Yes, I did.” Anya nodded, crossing her arms and not commenting her sister's attitude. “Tell me what happened. Raven’s version was quite blurred.”

“What did she said to you?” brunette sat on the armrest and she looked at her sister.

“She was willing to apologize to both of you, Clarke and you.” Anya stated. “Even if she didn’t think that was necessary, because that was only one sentence that she had said on that party. I don’t really know what happened then, because, like I said, her version was blurry. But… then she had a fight with Clarke and, after that… she bumped at you.”

“Great, she told you the truth then.” Lexa shrugged. “Nothing more to add.”

“Nothing?” Anya squinted her eyes, but her sisters shook her head.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about that, okay?” she said, knowing that the truth could destroy Anya. “All I can tell you is that… I don’t really know, that she is repeating what you’ve done.”

“What?”

“Sorry, I have to go.” Lexa stood up and she headed upstairs. “I… eh.”

She shut her door and she turned on her computer, looking for some music. She found some remixes and, before she even started playing it, she took out of her closet her skipping rope. Exercise was always helping her thinking. She put on her tank top and shorts and also her fingerless workout gloves. She sighed and she shook her head while hitting “play” button.

Lexa started jumping into the rhythm of the basses. Skipping rope was rhythmically hitting her floor and her feet made silent sound as she was jumping and falling down. Lexa had never been making noise while exercising and that was odd for other people, because she also had weight. But the secret was great balance between her mind and her body. When she knew what she’s doing, she was doing it quietly.

 

*

 

Three hours later, after quick shower, Lexa was lying in her bed, trying to fall asleep. She took her pill, but she was still feeling anxious and energetic, but in the negative way. She was tossing and turning and she couldn’t sleep. She was awake for next two hours and the darkness was causing even bigger anxiety, but she was too afraid to go out of her bed to turn on the light. Finally she heard knocking.

“Come.” She whispered, not being totally sure if Anya heard that, but after a while the door opened and Lexa’s sister came in. She approached Lexa’s bed, turned on the night lamp and she glanced at her sister, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“What’s happening?” she asked and Lexa sighed.

“I can’t sleep.” She stated. “You know… I didn’t tell you, but yesterday Clarke was here and she stayed overnight.”

“That’s great.” Anya smiled and she approached Lexa’s cocoon a little. “I assume you were just lying and talking?”

“Yeah.” Brunette nodded. “But… I didn’t have to take my pills. You know… sleeping pills. I was just fine. I fell asleep normally and then I woke up in pretty good condition. But now I… I just can’t.”

“You took it?”

“Yeah.” Lexa sighed. “I think that’s… nothing. I would finally fall asleep, no need to worry, An.”

“You’re my sister and when you’re working out three hours without any break I know that something’s wrong, Lex.” Anya smiled worringly. “So? I know that you wanted to save this for yourself, but I think that if you tell me… you’ll be better. I can see that you’re about to have panic attack, please. Sis, tell me what's bothering you.”

Lexa sighed and she moved a little, sitting on her bed, still wrapped in the blanket.

“I… I didn’t tell Clarke about what happened between me and Raven. In fact… I lied to her that Raven bumped onto me, hit me and then ran away.”

“I don’t really appreciate that behavior, but… what’s the truth?”

“She bumped onto me and then she said something that I don’t really know if I should say to you. I don’t want to destroy anything.”

“Lex, I know. Tell me, please. Treat me as your sister, your support, not a person who is with Raven in relationship.” Anya begged and Lexa sighed, breathing heavily. She clenched her fingers on her arms and she was shivering. Her sister approached a little and she spread her arms, waiting that maybe Lexa would want to be hugged. And she succeeded. Brunette approached and let Anya hug her.

“She had said that I am like a whore. That I destroy people, make them alone for my own interest. She compared me to the Black Death, she said that I am hurting Clarke… that was painful, because I really love her and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her, you know? Raven  was talking to me as if I am a thing, not a human, she used »what« instead of »who«, but I’m used to it, because I always think that way about myself. She said that I am manipulating people and that I will finally fail.”

“Is there… anything else?”

“That I can’t do anything apart from taking from people, that I can’t give’em anything. She stated that Clarke will finally abandon me when she would see what I really am and then she will return to her… but, Anya, please. I don’t want this to change anything between you two. That’s problem between me and her.” Lexa glanced at her sister with fear in her eyes, hoping that Anya will listen to her.

“She said that you’re like a whore.” She snapped and Lexa sighed.

“Look, she did what you did once, you remember?” she asked, catching Anya’s attention.”When she broke up with you. I find it kinda funny, because she is doing exactly the same thing… but I don’t want…  fuck, I shouldn’t have told you that.”

“No, that’s great that you did… but I can’t understand one thing. Why didn’t you tell Clarke about this?” Anya hugged her sister stronger and Lexa sighed, putting her hands around her sister’s waist.

“I didn’t want to destroy her friendship. I spoke to Octavia today, she said that Raven was always lonely, so she sought for friends. She had Clarke and Octavia, and now… O. has Lincoln, Clarke is with me…”

“And Raven is with me.” Anya stated. “But I can understand what you’re trying to say. That she needs friends… but can you tell me what happened on this party?”

“Raven didn’t tell ya, huh?” Lexa straightened her back, letting go of Anya’s warm hug. She looked at her sister’s eye and noticed that she shook her head. Brunette sighed. “She was hammered and then she said that Clarke wanted to fuck me from the very beginning of our friendship. It was, of course, a lie, but she had said it the way I couldn’t really handle, so… I left. And Clarke thought I was mad at her and that I would never want to talk to her again. That was also a lie.”

“Everything’s fucked up.”

“Hard to deny.” Lexa nodded. “But, you know, Raven tried to apologize. I understand that drinking has its laws, but… for fuck’s sake, people should know their possibilities. If they’re feeling that they had enough, that’s enough. Raven crossed her own line and, after all, she crossed mine too.”

“I see your point.” Anya sighed. “But… what do you want to do with it?”

“I think that I should give her a few days to think things through. Maybe she will come to her mind again and she would finally understand that saying »I was hammered, I didn’t know what I was saying« is not the best way to apologize.” Lexa shrugged. “But, after all… I want the best for Clarke.”

“You should take care of yourself too.” Anya sighed, looking at her sister. She knew that Lexa didn’t say that, but she was feeling shattered. She was devastated because somebody referred to her as a thing again. She didn’t deserve that and elder Woods’ sister knew that Raven shouldn’t say that. “Please, maybe… you should talk about this with you r therapist? How about that?”

“You’re worried that Raven’s words about me being a thing are… harmful, don’t you?” Lexa glanced suspiciously at Anya and Anya sighed carefully. Of course she wasn't aware of that her sister was thinking about her in that way most of the time.

“Yes, because I know how sensitive you really are.” She stated. “You’re playing the hard one, but, in fact, you’re the cinnamon roll.”

“Don’t cross the line, An.” Lexa giggled.

“I know that you’re though, Lexa. For real. But I’m afraid that…”

“Fine, I’ll call my therapist tomorrow and make an appointment, okay?”

“Great.” Anya smiled, hugging her sister once more. “Look, if you need something I’m just one door away… and I think that Clarke would be helpful too if you called her.” She stated and Lexa nodded sadly.

“You know I can’t…”

“You stupid bastard.” Anya shook her head unbelievingly. “Okay, so… I hope… good night?”

She stood up and she was about to go out, but Lexa decided to ask for something.

“An?”

“Yeah?” she stopped and looked at her sister.

“I know it’s stupid, but… can you… stay? For the night?” she didn’t look at Anya, afraid that she might find mockery in her eyes, but there was none. Instead of that her sister turned around and approached Lexa’s bed once again.

“Sure, no problem, sis.” She smiled, lying on bed, setting herself under the blanket and hugging Lexa. “I hope you’ll sleep well.”

“Thank you.” Lexa sighed when her sister turned off the lamp.

“Anytime.” Anya ruffled her sister’s hair. She was glad that Lexa had finally opened up. She was happy because her sister finally trusted her. She was concerned about Lexa, but she hoped that therapist will help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. Anya is the supportive one, I kinda like seeing the Woods' siblings like that. And I hope that they all would figure something out.
> 
> Thanks for all your kudos and comments, they mean a lot to me. I hope you liked this one.
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	63. Hope speaks to us all

Lexa woke up on Anya’s side and she didn’t really know what was going on for a while. And, finally, she reminded everything. Conversation with Raven, if it was conversation at all, latina’s strange behavior, her nearly-panic-attack from the night before… she sighed and she stood up, trying not to wake up Anya who had free day at work. Brunette was out of bed and of the room without making any noise, without making any sound. She headed downstairs, straight to the kitchen, and she made herself a mug full of extremely strong and extremely sweet black coffee. She took out her phone and she chose the number to her therapist’s bureau. After several signals, somebody eventually picked it up.

“Polis’ Therapists’ Association, how can I help you?” Lexa heard kind, female voice and she sighed with relief.

“Good morning… it’s Lexa Woods, I wanted to ask if doctor Morgan is available today or whenever, because I just have to make an appointment…” brunette knew that what she had just said was hopeless and that she, despite that she was mature, still couldn’t handle such easy thing as making a call and talking to a real person.

“Oh, I am so sorry, miss Woods, but doctor Morgan is on the maternity leave, may I offer you visit with doctor Jaha? He’s really good, I think that…:

“Ma’am, if it’s not a problem, I would rather go to the woman.” Lexa interrupted, feeling terrible because of that. She had strange thoughts that she did something bad, something that she actually shouldn’t, but she also knew that these thoughts were absurd.

“Yes, of course, no problem.” Lexa could swear that this woman smiled. “But I’m sorry, I don’t really know who is available for now… is this case rather…?”

“Urgent, Ma’am.” Lexa nodded, even though her interlocutor couldn’t see her. “If it’s possible… I would want to see doctor today.”

“Okay then, miss Woods, please, come around 3 p.m. Somebody will be waiting for you here.”

“Thank you.” Lexa smiled a little and she hanged up. She sighed, taking one book from the pile which was set on the dresser and she started reading. It was Lovecraft, so Lexa was familiar with the main theme of this stories, yet she couldn’t really focus. She had to go somewhere she didn’t really like going and, what was more, she was forced to change therapist, because doctor Morgan was on maternity leave. She thought that it couldn’t be worse.

Apart from that all, she was unable to focus, because Raven’s words were coming to her back again and again. She didn’t really know why. Latina said what she wanted to and it was painful, but Lexa knew that, sometimes, words like that had not been said with teller meaning it. But there was something disturbing in the way that latina had said it.

“Gay whore…” Lexa whispered, shutting the book and squeezing her nose base. “For fuck’s sake, I knew I heard it somewhere!” She hit the table with her flat hand open. She had an idea, but she didn’t really know if that was at least partially true.

 _I need to talk to Octavia. Right now._ Lexa thought and she quickly filled her mug-to-go with her coffee and, before anybody would be even able to say anything, she was out of the house.

 

*

 

“Hey, what happened?” Octavia asked, not really understanding what was going on. “You sounded rather… nervous.”

“I think that… I’ve got something.” Lexa stated, sitting on the chair in front of Octavia in Arcadia Café.

“You’ve got something…? On what exactly?” tanned one raised her eyebrow, trying to keep up, but she just couldn’t. “Lexa, please, be more specific, I have to bear your being enigmatic on a daily basis, you know, because of your character, I can’t…”

“Okay, okay.” Lexa waved her hands. “Just… shut up and listen. Sorry, but… I am quite excited, maybe disgusted, because… you remember when I told you that Raven had told me that I am gay whore?” she asked and Octavia nodded.

“Yeah, hard to forget.” She snapped, when she reminded that. “But what’s about that? I mean...”

“Mhm, I know. O, the point is... I heard that already. I didn’t really notice it then, because I was too nervous and humiliated, but today… it just hit me right in the face, you know? Someone said it to me exactly the same way as she did.”

“Who was that? And why are you even rolling with such bitches?” O. glanced at Lexa, bit brunette shook her head.

“I don’t. I’m just around and, you know… you know how’s the deal with Clarke, don’t you?”

“You mean?” Octavia asked, not really convinced if she knew.

“She’s great. She is the one that everybody just wants to have by their side, you understand…” Lexa stopped, looking at Octavia and Warriors’ player nodded. She roughly knew where this was going. “…and I am just another obstacle. I’m not even worthy talking to, I’m another one to insult, because I’m on the way to their happiness.”

“Bitch, please, the only ones who are on anyone’s way to happiness are them, but I don’t really get what you have on your mind.” Octavia sighed and Lexa nodded, realizing that she wasn’t really helpful.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. The point is… I don’t know if Clarke had told you about the situation after the prom, you know, she was out, ran away from Finn…”

“No, she didn’t actually told me, but I saw that she hit him in the face, because of something he had said and then she was out, not even trying to hear him out. He was behind her after a while… what happened?” O. seemed really curious, yet she was maybe a little bit sad, just because she realized that Clarke didn’t say anything to her. Maybe Raven didn’t deserve that story too. She was, although, happy, because Lexa decided to tell her about that, even if she didn't really know about what happened inside the ballroom.

“She ended up in a park and I was there. We started talking, we even danced together… and then, when we were… you know… about to kiss…” Lexa blushed hardly and Octavia giggled. She almost forgot how shy this one was, just because she felt better in their group and she was more open than she was for ordinary people. “…and Finn appeared. He hit me in the face and he stated that I am a gay whore who is making Clarke gay…”

“Like she isn’t bi because she was born this way.” Octavia sighed, shaking her read, not even understanding why people are so hopeless. She could imagine that Finn was this kind of people who just state that there wasn't such a thing as bisexuality.

“But, the point is, he said it to me for the first time. And I think… maybe it’s because of something we don’t really know?” Lexa glanced at Octavia with shining eyes and O. whistled with admiration.

“You’re really crazy, you know?” she smiled. “I didn’t think that anyone, after what Raven did, would want to defend her, and you’re trying not to believe that she said on purpose what she had said. Like… you’re really good person, Lexa.”

“Thanks.” Brunette nodded, but she didn’t really mean that. She didn’t think that she was actually good person, she was just average, but that didn’t matter in that moment. “But…”

“If that what you’re saying is true… why would she did something like that to you?” Octavia wondered. “You know, I…”

“Maybe… she had to say something like that?” Lexa shrugged. “Look, I know that she’s… specific, at least. And jealous. And impulsive. But she’s not a bad person. She loves Clarke the way she always was and maybe she doesn’t really think that I can take her away. Maybe she was force to say something what would imply it.”

“Okay, that’s weird there.” O. shook her head. “I know that you want to see good in people, because you’re pure, but…”

“I’m not.” Lexa interrupted her and tanned girl raised her eyebrows with surprise. “Actually I quite hate people equally, but I know how it might look, yet I think.. you know. Even if she was always jealous, I’d never take Clarke away from her. They are… for now were… friends. Always. And I respect that. She had never had problems with that, so… that cannot be coincidence, you see? I believe that if she had something to tell me, she would do it before, that she would say it… but not this way. She’s weird, but she’s not stupid. She knew that Clarke would never…”

“…talk to her again if she knew what she had said the way that she said.” Octavia nodded, finally understanding. “But… how she could be sure that you wouldn’t tell her about what she just said? You know, that’s just stupid. She’s insulted you, after this pitiful party, then you don’t even think about going to Clarke with it… how this is a healthy relationship, huh?”

“I guess it’s not then.” Lexa sighed, lowering her voice and fixing her eyes on her hands. “But… Raven knows that I love Clarke and I don’t want her to be hurt. She knows that I know that she loves her as a friend and she also liked me… I suppose?” Lexa stopped, not convinced at this moment.

“She does.” O. nodded, lying her hand on Lexa’s shoulder, but not for a long time, because she was aware of brunette’s issues with touching, so she didn’t want to cross the line. “She respects you and, in her weird way, she likes you. But… I don’t really know, Lex. Seriously.”

“How about this: Has she ever wanted to hurt Clarke?”

“No. Not at all.” Octavia shook her head expressively, looking at Lexa with surprise.

“Then why hurting me?” she asked. “If I mean so much to Clarke as she is telling me, as she told her… then she insulted me for what? She was taking the risk she had never thought through, O.”

“Okay, once again, you think that Finn made her do it?” tanned girl raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. “She has her own brain, she would never…”

She interrupted and then Lexa leaned towards her.

“…unless he got something on her.” She whispered and Octavia’s eyes widened.

“Like... blackmail? You really believe this?”

“I don’t know. But I want to.” Lexa shrugged, looking at her watch. “I have to go for now… but…”

“We’ll see each other later, okay? I will try to speak with Raven, what about that?” O. offered and Lexa smiled.

“Perfect.” She stated and they separated ways.

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

She was sitting on her bed and she was thinking about what happened the day before. She was confused, because something just didn’t fit in. She knew Raven and she was sure that she wasn’t that way she acted. Something was wrong, but she didn’t know what. Yet.

Blonde was staring at the ceiling and she was wondering what happened with her best friend. They were always together, always doing things that Clarke didn’t dare to do alone… later with Octavia, but they were always the good pack of friends and then… something had to be wrong, because Raven would never hurt person who was so important to Clarke. there was a lot of things that happened in her life recently, but she was sure that her best friend, no matter what, would never treat her girlfriend that way even if she didn’t really knew that Clarke was in relationship with Lexa. She just knew that Raven was shipping them way too hard to try to separate them. She was sure that something bad happened, something that Rae-Rae couldn’t tell her about and that she just have to get to know what. And Lexa… she should talk to Lexa as soon as it was possible, but she wasn’t convinced if brunette would be eager to help her after Raven hit her. Anyway, she had to just try.

Clarke pulled out her phone and tried to reach Lexa, but brunette didn’t respond. She tried once again, but there was nothing but silence. She sighed, wondering what could happen and before she was able to do anything, she received a default message that said that Lexa was busy for now and when she will be able to talk, in an hour, she would call her again. Clarke nodded, understanding that maybe her girlfriend had some kind of appointment or important meeting and she decided to call Anya. Maybe she would be able to talk to her. She was sure that Lexa told Anya what happened and maybe elder sister was planning to do something with it.

“Anya?” she asked when Lexa’s sister had responded. “Look, I have…”

“Great you’re calling, Clarke. There’s something I want to talk with you. Can we meet?” Anya interrupted her and blonde was quite surprised, but she had nothing to lose, so she agreed immediately.

“Where…?”

“How about you coming here? Lexa’s not home and I am sure she would not go back until evening, so…”

“I’m on my way.” Clarke nodded and she hung up. She hid her phone in her pocket and ran towards the Woods sisters’ house.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“Good morning.” She smiled to the kind woman behind the desk in the building. Woman smiled back and she nodded.

“Good morning, Lexa.” She stated. “Room six, I hope that you’ll be fine.”

“Thank you, miss Maureen.” Brunette nodded and she approached the door with big, metallic six on them. She was about to sit, but the door opened and someone got out, followed by tall, slim woman with light brown hair and blue eyes. She smiled as she noticed Lexa.

“Miss Woods?” she asked and when brunette nodded she smiled even wider. “Good morning. I was assigned as you new therapist. I hope that we will get along good.”

“Me too, mrs…?” Lexa interrupted, when she sat on the chair, hearing the thud of closing door.

“Griffin. Abigail Griffin.” Woman smiled, reaching out her hand to greet Lexa who now stiffed. “It’s nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here, preparing for trouble ahead. ;D Thank you for being here and reading it, I hope you liked it.
> 
> Thanks for all your kudos, comments and, of course, support. If it wasn't for you, this probably would be unfinished forever. Even if it's sometimes hard to write anything, I always know that there's someone who actually would read it, so I have some strange sort of power that allows me to write next chapter and then chapter after that and so on.
> 
> I am currently working on my gratuation paper, still, so it's sometimes hard to do two things simultaneously, but I hope that today I will end this shit, move it outta my way and then I will be able to write some really nice chapter finally.
> 
> Thank you for being here once again! Take care and until Friday!


	64. Something's wrong

**CLARKE**

“What do you want to talk about?” Clarke asked straight after Anya opened her the door.

“Look… I know that you and Raven don’t get along quite well but… can you tell me what really happened between you two? Like… from the very beginning?” elder sister glanced at Clarke when both of them were already in living room and heading the kitchen.

“Why are you asking?” Clarke sat on the chair and she was staring at Anya without understanding.

“Because… you know, I was speaking with Raven, but her version was blurry. Like… you know, really, really blurry. And that was her version. Then I tried to talk with Lexa, but you know my sister, stubborn donkey, she didn’t tell me anything useful, so I didn’t really understand anything. And now I am asking you for your version.”

“But…”

“Look, Clarke. I know, that you were the side of this and you can’t be really dispassionate, but Lexa… Lexa was a part of it too. And she didn’t say anything. I am… I don’t know, shattered. She’s my sister, but Rae is my girlfriend and I need something to lean on…” Anya was desperate, but Clareke sighed, shaking her head.

“An, I really want to help you, but… you know, that’s not how it works. Really. I was there and I got pissed off because of Raven and… I don’t speak with her anymore, so…”

“Just tell me what she said, like, for real, because she didn’t really remember and I don’t know what was so horrible that neither you nor my sister are talking with her, okay?” Anya groaned and Clarke sighed once again.

She tried to forget, she didn’t want to remember that moment, but her friend seemed so desperate and unhappy that she decided that she could take this risk.

“So… we were on party, but you know, we’re usually just talking and sipping beer or something. But I said to raven that I wanted to invite Lexa, on which both of them — Octavia and Raven — agreed. So I said that Lexa is not drinking alcohol and asked Raven to go buy something for drinking. I was supposed to tide up the room and Octavia wasn’t already there. And Raven left. When she was back it turned out that she bought beer and nothing non–alcoholic, so I got mad, but Lexa calmed me, telling me that it was nothing. And then Octavia was in, carrying sodas, because she predicted that Raven is not thinking about anybody but herself. And then Raven got hammered, you know, because she was perfectly convinced that she had to drink for her and for Lexa, because she didn’t drink. And when she was, like, totally hammered, so, when Lexa was gone to bathroom, she said that if she had been me, she would fuck Lexa immediately. So I said that she should shut the fuck up, because I don’t like her to tell that. Your sister was back and then she asked what we were talking about. Raven said that about her and she just went for that.”

“For what?” Anya roughly knew what Clarke could be talking about, but she didn’t want to believe unless she heard it.

“That she’s so hot that she would fuck her there and then and that she didn’t understand why I hadn’t wanted to. That she didn’t understand why Lexa and I were so close and didn’t want anything more than friendship. Which I, of course, did, but I didn’t want to push Lexa, you know. Also, Raven tried to make me to say that Lexa is hot and admit that from the very beginning I was looking at her body, that I fell in love with her body, because I couldn’t see her face. And that she knows that I wanted to fuck her from Tribal Dance Night and she wanted me to admit it.” Clarke sighed, trying to get rid of these memories.

“Wow, that was… intense. And vivid.” Anya whistled.

“Lexa couldn’t stand and she just ran away. I was pissed off and I wanted to slap Raven in the face so badly, but I didn’t. Octavia was disappointed too. And then I was gone, trying to reach Lexa, but her stealth skills are so damn great that she sneaked out somewhere dark and I couldn’t find her. I can bet that she was somewhere near me and I didn’t even notice it.”

“But… is my sister hot?” Anya grinned and Clarke hit her face with hand.

“Of course she is.” She admitted. “Look, that was out of the question, okay? Just… Raven shouldn’t tell that out loud, especially when I was telling her that I was willing to wait for Lexa as long as I will have to.”

“Look, Clarke, I am… sorry. So sorry for Raven. Really.” Anya leaned her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and blonde nodded.

“And then she just hit her recently.” Clarke sighed. “We were in Arcadia, she wanted to apologize and everything went wrong, so wrong…”

“About that.” Anya stopped blonde and Clarke glanced at her with concern.

“What?” Clarke glanced at Lexa’s sister with suspicion.

“I… look, I would tell you something, but you have to keep it in secret, because Lexa didn’t want me to tell you any of that, okay?” she asked and Clarke raised her eyebrow, but then she nodded and Anya felt allowed to say what she wanted to. “I know that's probably Lexa's story to tell, but... Lexa wasn’t just hit in the face by Raven and then abandoned. They have not really nice conversation before that accident.”

“What do you mean?” Clarke rested her forearms on table and she leaned forward a little. “What the fuck is going on and why Lexa didn’t say anything about it?”

“It’s because… Raven had said unpleasant things such as that my sister is only taking from you and not giving you anything and that you will finally be back to Raven, even on your knees, begging her to allow you back.”

“What the fuck.” Clarke huffed and she was really, really pissed. She didn’t expect anything like that from her ex best friend. “Is she mad?”

“Kinda?” Anya shrugged. “Look, after that she said that Lexa is a gay whore and she hit her in the face. Although Lexa thinks that she wasn’t really herself during that conversation and I don’t really know what that mean, but… you know. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know, but… maybe that’s something? What do you think about it?”

“Wait, what?” Clarke shook her head. “You said: »gay whore«?”

“Yes?” Anya didn’t know what to expect, so she would rather be careful while talking to Clarke. She wasn’t sure what blonde was capable of while angry.

“I have heard that before.” Clarke snapped. “And either of us wouldn’t be happy because of who had said it before.”

 

*

 

**LEXA**

She was sitting in front of that woman and she was sweating. That was Abigail Griffin. That had to be Clarke’s mother. Of course, Lexa expected to meet her eventually, but she didn’t expect that it would be in this circumstances. She was stressed as hell, but she was also sure that if she didn’t say anything, her therapist would ask why is she so nervous…

“So… I have your documentation that I read and… Why are you so nervous?” mrs. Griffin asked and Lexa stiffed for a while. “Is there something that you’re uncomfortable with in this room?” woman was concerned about Lexa’s strange behavior. Lexa tried to think about the response, but before she could think about anything else, her body and voice acted without preparation.

“I am dating your daughter, miss Griffin.” She said on one breath and she regretted it immediately when she saw Abigail’s face. She was… surprised?

“Oh.” She smiled a little. “So you’re the mysterious person that Clarke is spending so much time with.” She stated, but she didn’t seem to be angry or sad about that. “That’s great, I have never seen her more happy than she is now. But… even if I am glad that you told me what my daughter had not, I think that you’re here because of…”

“It’s… Mrs. Griffin, I had a problem, but not really, to be specific.” Lexa started, waiting for her therapist to interrupt, but woman was listening and nodded to make brunette proceed. “I know that this sounds terrible and ridiculous, but my sister asked me to come here, because she was concerned that I might not cope with this on my own. The problem is that… you know Raven, right?”

“Right.” Abigail nodded and Lexa smiled nervously. She wasn’t sure if she should talk with mrs. Griffin about her, not when she was mother of her girlfriend, but…

“You have to keep in secret everything that I will say to you?”

“Yes, of course, Lexa.” Mrs. Griffin smiled. “I mustn’t say a word to anyone, even my own daughter.” She stated seriously and Lexa relaxed a little. That was calming. “So, what’s bothering you?”

“I… I heard twice that I am a gay whore. I started thinking that maybe I’m not who people want me to be.” She sighed and Abby nodded once again.

“But the question is really… are you the person who YOU want to be?” she asked and Lexa wondered for a while.

“Yeah, I think? I am in relationship, healthy relationship, finally, and… I don’t know, mrs. Griffin. I think that I have never been happier, but… there’s this happening and I don’t really know what to do with all this.”

“Tell me about this.” Abby encouraged her to talk, so Lexa nodded and cleared her throat.

“So… everything was just fine with Raven, but one day it just collapsed. I know that she is important to Clarke, because they are friends, I know that Clarke is also important to Raven… who is with my sister, so it’s even more complicated than I thought it could be. The point is… I am not so sure that Raven said what she said with all the intentions that these words were implying. And then I didn’t say anything to Clarke, because I didn’t want to bother her and… I know how important this relationship with Raven was for her. I didn’t want to destroy it, because of some words that Raven said not even meaning it… to me.”

“But there’s something else I guess?” mrs. Griffin glanced at Lexa and Lexa fixed her eyes on her intertwined fingers. She sighed and nodded.

“I told Anya about that, but before I told Octavia. Anya has fresh sight because she’s with Raven and, I think, that she is the only one among us that actually still speaks to her. And Octavia… she knows Clarke and Rae and I knew that she would be helpful, I think? I don’t really know what to think about it, so I just wanted someone who would give me advice. And there she was. We talked... and I am not feeling well about this. Everyone tells me that I should talk about Clarke, but…”

“You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her about that case specifically. I do, but… Maybe we don’t know each other for a long time, maybe I am happy with her, but…” she interrupted, but her therapist didn’t say a word, patiently waiting for Lexa to proceed. And she eventually did. “…but I know that I am not the only one on this world. And I know that, even if she’s the only one for me… I might not be the same for her. I mean… there was Finn, maybe he wasn’t the best one, but he was. And there are a lot of people who would be better for Clarke than I am. I don’t know, but there’s a possibility that she will just realize that I am not the one, that I am not good enough, what won’t surprise me, and… then she would need Raven’s arm. She would need Raven herself, just because they are friends and they have been supporting each other since forever. And also she would need Octavia, but I think that Clarke is more connected to Rae than O. I don’t know, mrs. Griffin. I can’t think about my life without Clarke and… meh, that’s not even making sense.”

“It does.” Abby smiled a little. “Look, Lexa, you feel insecure, but maybe you should talk about that with Clarke? Did you tell her anything yet?”

“She knows about my social anxiety and suicidal attempts.” Lexa shrugged and Abby nodded.

“How did she react?”

“She reacted… as I have never expected someone could. Like… I told her and I was sure that she would flee, that she wouldn’t even think about staying, about talking to me anymore and… and she stayed. She supported me and… after all… she is with me.”

“Why do you think that she would not react this way again?” mrs. Griffin asked and Lexa wondered.

“I don’t really know.” She admitted. “I… I was always thinking that I am not good enough for anyone. That I am not worth anything... because Costia made me think that way. But… Costia’s over, she is charged and she is waiting for the process… and I am not with her anymore.”

“So?”

“I don’t know. I just can’t think that I am good for anyone. There’s always someone better than me, who might be better choice for the person that I am currently speaking to. And… eventually… it was always true. But with Clarke… it’s different. I’m here and since I’ve met her everything started to change. I actually can talk with my sistser without blowing stuff up, I actually have friends, not a lot, but a bunch of and that suffice… I have a girlfriend who admires me, who supports me and… you know… I am worried that I am not supporting her enough.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know. I have impression that all we ever talk about was me. Like… my problems, my life, my opinion. Of course, she speaks too, but… I’m not so sure if I know her well. I don’t even know if she wants me to know her. But… I’m afraid to ask, just because I have…” she glanced quickly at mrs. Griffin, concerned about her focused facial expression. Woman nodded and Lexa sighed. “I know that anxiety is not an excuse, but… I am afraid. I love her and I’m afraid of losing her, I don’t want her to leave, because of all that she knows. Not because I’m scared that she actually might say something to somebody about me, but rather… that she would hate me as a person. I have never been this close with anyone since I broke up with Costia and… that scares me.”

“Fear is normal, Lexa. Everyone could feel fear, it’s good emotion, you know?” Mrs. Griffin smiled soothingly. “You should consider pros and cons of talking to Clarke and maybe take the risk? What do you think?”

“I think… the pros would be, of course, that she would know about everything. And I won’t be forced to bear this alone, but… cons. There are more than one, you know? Like… it could destroy Clarke and Raven’s friendship. It could, I don’t know… I don’t want anyone to think that I can’t cope with my own problems, that I… that I CAUSE problems, mrs. Griffin.”

“You’re not causing problems, Lexa.” Therapist shook her head. “Look, you’re strong and smart young woman and you know what’s good for you and you can judge what’s happening and you can predict what could happen in results of your actions. But you also know that people are different. Everyone reacts differently and that is what you can’t predict: someone’s reaction. You can’t be sure how Clarke reacts, even how will react your own sister, because people are always surprising us, you know?”

Lexa nodded, wondering and she sighed. “Then what I am supposed to do?”

“I can’t tell you exactly what to do.” Mrs Griffin glanced at her with concern, but in her sight there was also support. “But I can encourage you to do whatever you think is the best. And I can assure you that I will be there when you would want to talk about your decision… or anything else what’s bothering you.”

“Thank you.” Lexa nodded. Maybe telling Clarke wasn’t so bad idea…? “Thank you, mrs. Griffin.”

“That’s my job, Lexa.” She smiled and both of them stood up. Abby reached her hand to exchange the shake with her daughter’s girlfriend. “I’m glad I met you.”

“Same here, mrs. Griffin.” Lexa smiled back and then she was out of the room. When she was outside, she sighed and leaned on the wall. _What should I do?_ She thought, not even close to the answer. She headed park, where she had meeting with Octavia, but she heard loud sound of thunder and rain started falling down. She raised her head, looking into the sky and she smiled. That was exactly what she needed.

She didn’t hide anywhere. That was her weather, she loved when it was raining, so she headed the park and she sat on the bench, looking down, at her feet. She wasn’t sure what she should do. She was sitting there, completely forgetting about what she was supposed to do, who she was supposed to meet. Her phone interrupted her.

 **Hey, could we meet at Arkadia? It’s pouring.** That was Octavia and Lexa nodded, typing.

**Sure, but… can you give me some time?**

**Of course. See you.**

Lexa hid her phone out of rain and her sight fixed at lone person who was sitting, same as her, on the bench, not far from her. She could see that this person was sobbing or something like that, because of her movements that were sharp. She observed more carefully, then she stood up and approached her even more carefully than she should.

“Raven?” She asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, not so much about Clarke, but I will fix this next chapter. Anyway, I hope you liked it.
> 
> Thanks for being here, thanks for all your comments, all your kudos, that means a lot to me. Seriously, because what's happening in my life right now is pretty shitty and I am glad that you're here, reading and enjoying my work. :) I'm so happy that I can create this for you!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	65. Had to or wanted to

Lexa stiffed for a while, not knowing what she should do. Raven was sitting on the bench, sobbing, but in the pouring rain that was barely visible. Her hair was wet, as well as her clothes, so were Lexa’s. Brunette carefully poked her.

“Raven?”

Latina almost jumped and she glanced at the intruder with angst in her face. When she realized that was actually someone she knew, she relaxed a little, but Lexa could tell that she was still pretty tense.

“Lexa? What are you doing here?” she asked, trying not to show how stressed she was, but she failed. Also, with all brunette has deducted, she knew why Raven was in that way.

“Mind if I sit here?” she pointed a spot on the bench next to Raven, but latina shrugged and brunette sat. She looked up at the sky and she received a huge amount of raindrops on her face, but she didn’t mind. She enjoyed water streaming down her face, she was used to it, she cried that way. Every time she wanted to cry, she expected herself not to, because she thought that was weakness. She thought that she had to be tough, she mustn’t be vulnerable. So she went out every time it was raining and, when she felt the raindrops on her face, she was happy. Even if she couldn’t cry at some point in her life, she can do it because of rain. “I needed this. You see, this is what I like when I feel overwhelmed by everything. You know, rain is like a shower, but more… refreshing. You can be outside, you can be in plain air, you can feel the drops falling on you, fully clothed, and you can feel like… everything that bothered you is just washed away. You have the same or is there something else that brought you here in this weather?”

“I… I wanted to…” she stuttered, but in the next moment she was pretending like she was angry. “That’s none of your business, Lexa. I am not here to talk to you, so if you don’t mind, then I will ask you to…”

“Raven, I know what’s going on between you and Finn.” Lexa interrupted her calmly and latina glanced at her with big eyes and huge surprise in them.

“You know?” she held her breath for a second and Lexa shrugged. Even if Raven wanted to hide this from her, she failed.

“At least I can tell that something’s going on. I know that you don’t really like me, but… but even if, you love Clarke too much for hurting her that way.” She stated, leaning back and lying her elbows on bench’s back.

“How…?” Raven was confused and Lexa smiled softly, trying to comfort her interlocutor. She was aware that latina could explode anytime and then Lexa would not succeed. “But… whatever, I should go…”

“Wait.” Lexa reached out her hand and caught Raven’s sleeve. “Listen to me.”

“I don’t have to…”

“You care for Clarke. Listen to me… if not for you, then for her, okay?.”

Raven nodded, sitting back on the bench. She was stressed, Lexa could tell, but she was ready to listen and that was good. Very good.

“You didn’t seem to hate me before, so I was a little bit shocked when all the situation happened.” She shrugged, wanting to explain everything before Raven decide to go once again. She knew that she didn’t have much time. “Nobody called me »gay whore« except for Finn. And then, you repeated that phrase after him. You, also, was with him once.”

“Coincidence.” Raven clenched her fists, and that told Lexa that she was right.

“Yeah, sure.” She huffed. “Look, maybe I am stupid and maybe I am gay. Maybe I am even a whore, who knows? But, even if, neither you, nor Finn know about my private life and what I am doing with it. You don’t know where I go when I am upset, you don’t know what I do. Also, neither of you know what I am like when I am all alone. So who are you to tell me what I am when you don’t even know me?” she asked, observing carefully Raven’s face. She knew that she was close to break her. In the good way. “Look, I know I am a whore. I know that I’m taking everything that people held dear because that’s who I am. I only take, I never give, I know that too, I…”

“Enough.” Raven whispered, but Lexa didn’t want to stop, just because Raven said it too quietly.

“I don’t like people and I am weird. I cause problems and I am proud of it, you know?” she lied so good that latina couldn’t tell if she was lying or not. “I take everything people wants, I have everything I want, because I can take it by any means necessary, even if it means that I will have to take it over someone’s dead body. I lie, I deceive, I am what I am not because of who I am, but because that’s the path I’ve chosen. I love what I’m doing, I really like hurting people. That’s what I am and I am proud of…”

“ENOUGH.” Raven’s red face turned in Lexa’s direction. Brunette could tell that Latina was pissed off, stressed and she didn’t really know what was happening. “You’re not. You’re nothing like I said or you just said. You’re kind, you’re lenient with people. You’re great and I don’t want you to think about you the way that you’re doing this now, you hear me?” she was panting. Lexa smiled soothingly, carefully approaching her.

“You see? That wasn’t a series of unfortunate events when you repeated what Finn had said. I was right and I still am. And I want to help you, Raven. All you have to do is to tell me what’s wrong and we can figure something out. Like we always do.”

“Lexa… before that… I… I want to apologize. For all I have done.”

“There’s no need to…”

“Yes, there is.” Raven interrupted, looking at Lexa with sorrow and shame in her eyes. “Just, please… listen to me, for once, okay?”

“Okay.” Lexa sighed and she smiled a little. They were still sitting in the middle of the pouring rain.

“Look, I always liked you. Like… really. Of course, you were weird, really weird, but that’s nothing bad. I am weird too, but… that’s how we roll. You’re… specific, you have your flaws, but everyone has. I don’t really know what’s the real deal with you, because you’re too aloof to tell me about you and I think that you’re open only with Clarke and Anya, that’s normal and understandable, but sometimes I just wanted to understand you too, to behave better, to know what I am dealing with, to know if you’re..”

“If I am good enough for Clarke.” Lexa nodded. “Yeah, I can take that.”

“Now I know that you are. But I won’t lie, that I thought that way then. And… I know that what I did was… bad. Really bad. I am aware that I hurt everyone, you, Clarke, even Octavia. I am hurting her all the time when we were hanging, just because she’s on the second plan and I can’t change that. When it comes to Lincoln… but, anyway, that’s not really the point here. I know that even if I was hammered that’s not even an excuse for what I’ve done and I am so sorry that I said that at all. I don’t really think that… oh, nay, shit, I do think that you’re hot, because nobody can deny it, but… You’re the one for Clarke. And I know that she really, really likes you… and I know that I could blow this all out, because of my behavior and I’m so, so sorry. I am happy that you two can get along and that you didn’t blame her for what I did…”

“Why should I? She wasn’t the one to blame.” Lexa opened her eyes wider and Raven nodded.

“Exactly that’s what I’m talking about, Lexa. You’re the smart one. You can do things right, you think. Finn’s not. And I am not, too. And that’s a shame, but…”

“Just say it, already, Reyes.”

“I want you two to be happy, no matter how long it takes for you to be together, okay? I want to support you and I don’t want to be outside it all. I love Clarke as sister, and I love you too, as… sorry… as a brother.”

“Good as it sounds.” Lexa snorted with laughter. “Okay, for what it’s worth… apology accepted.” She smiled.

“Seriously?”

“Look, Clarke needs you and I know that she does. I also… you know. I didn’t tell her what happened between you two, because I knew that there was something suspicious and that when I told her, that would probably destroy your friendship… which was already suffering, so…”

“You did that…? Seriously?” Raven was shocked. “But… why?”

“I know how important you’re for each other, Raven.” She stated. “I’m not feeling okay with this and I should tell her, because… we’re friends, but I don’t think that she would take this calmly, so I wanted to wait and investigate if I was right about the causes.”

“And you were, but… I don’t know, Finn’s…”

“Look, he’s already hurt Clarke, but his problem is that he can’t really hurt me, you know? I am resistant and I can do anything I want and he can’t reach me, because I am better than him when it comes to fight. You see, he tried to break my nose. He didn’t even scratched it properly, and it was me who broke his nose instead, and not only was it his nose, it was also his pride. So, if you’re willing to team up with me, you’ll be safe. I can promise you that. But you have to trust me.”

“Why are you helping me?” Raven was surprised, but she was also relieved. In good intentions of Lexa she had never doubted.

“Because you’re as important to Clarke as I am to Anya. I have never had real friends and I know how hard it is to find one, the real one, so I can’t let you just give up on this because of one fucked up fella, okay?”

Raven nodded. She was grateful that she had met Lexa. She was really amazed of this one’s personality.

“So… what do we do?”

“Come on, we’re going somewhere and then we will be able to talk.”

 

*

 

**CLARKE**

“So, you’re telling me that you have heard that before from this moron Finn?” Anya asked once again and Clarke nodded.

“Yeah, when Lexa and I were in the park during the prom. Like… you know.”

“Okay, okay.” Anya wondered. “So, there’s really tough part about it all, like… what has he done to my girl that she told such things to my sister.”

“And my girlfriend.” Blonde nodded. “But there’s also a question if he has forced her to do this or did she do this because she wanted a revenge.”

“You must be kidding me right now.” Elder Woods’ sister glanced at Clarke and she caught her sight. There wasn’t any sign of joking there. “Like… seriously? Do you even believe what you had said?”

“Yeah, I believe, because…”

“Please.”

“Okay, I don’t.” blonde sighed and she fixed her sight on her feet. “But look at it, An. She could. Lexa and I… we’re together and…”

“She doesn’t even know about that, let me remind you.” Anya snorted. “Look, I am certain that she would tell me if…”

“Lexa’s your sister, don’t forget about that.” Clarke said. “She wouldn’t tell you about anything bad that she had done to her, because she knew that you would seek vengeance.”

“True is that.” Anya sighted. “So… what do we do? We’re kinda in stalemate.”

Clarke’s phone vibrated. She checked it and she smiled worryingly.

“What’s that?”

“Octavia is worrying about Lexa. She should be at Arcadia now and she isn’t, so…”

“We should get going.” Anya grabbed her hoodie and she headed towards the door. “We would be able to discuss the problem together. Octavia is also your friend.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Raven finally saw that she had someone who she can trust. I hope you liked it. :)
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos I received and all comments you've left, they mean everything to me. Like, seriously.
> 
> Also, I want to announce that I am working on my own story that's settled in space because I was recently re-playing Mass Effect, my favorite game of all times and I decided to write something in that universe, but not exactly in that. So, if you're interested, let me know and stay sharp, because I'm willing to post it here, on AO3. :)
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	66. From the bottom of the heart

“So, did you hear from her?” Anya asked Octavia when her and Clarke finally were in Arcadia. O. shook her head.

“No. I texted her that it’s pouring and if we could meet here. She asked for some time and I agreed, anyway, I had something to do for classes, so I didn’t complain. But it’s been three hours almost and I am worried, because she’s not giving me any sign.”

“Tried to call her?” Clarke asked and Octavia nodded.

“Of course, but she doesn’t pick up.”

“Typish.” Anya sighed. “That’s my sister, no doubt. Let me call her.”

She unblocked her phone and she called Lexa. After several signals, brunette picked up.

“What?” she asked.

“Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m heading Arcadia, what’s the matter?” Lexa asked and Anya rolled her eyes.

“Hurry up, you asshole, Octavia is worrying about you. Or you can pick your phone when someone is calling, little fucker.” She hissed to the phone and she hung up. Everybody looked at her. “What? She’s on her way here, so it’s not necessary to tell her that we’re here too.”

“Should you be a little bit more… kind to her?”

“She’s used to it.” Anya shrugged and everyone sighed.

 

*

 

**LEXA**

“What the fuck just happened?” she asked, hiding her phone into her pocket. “Anya just called and she was… well, she was her usual.”

“So you’re telling me that Anya is where we are heading?” Rae asked and Lexa shrugged.

“I don’t know, Raven.” She stated. “You know, I’m not tracking her.”

“Fair enough.” Latina sighed, trying not to be too nervous, but she was failing that hardly. “You know, how about…”

“Raven, I can’t help you if you won’t explain the situation to Clarke too. She deserves it, don’t you think?”

Young engineer sighed and nodded, but she didn’t answer. She knew that Lexa was right; she owed Clarke an explanation just because she behaved like a bitch and she hit Lexa without any real reason. She was the one that was bad that time and she was sorry, but she doubted if Clarke would forgive her at all. Anyway, she decided to ask about it, she was assured that Lexa wasn’t her enemy. What was more — she had never been one.

“You think that Clarke… you know…?”

“Will forgive you?” brunette asked and when raven nodded, she wondered for a while. “You know she is really thoughtful, so I am certain that she will think this through. And I think that she may forgive you eventually, but you need to tell us the truth. No more lies, no more hiding, understand? Anything.”

Raven nodded once again, but she remained silent. She was thinking about why Lexa was so good to her, even if she nearly broke her nose. She could harm her and her relationship with Clarke, even if there wasn’t any real right now, and yet brunette was willing to help her no matter what, smiling soothingly, trying to comfort her, even if she didn’t asked for this. But she needed this and Lexa was this strange person that was awkward with people, but she could perfectly read them. Somehow she always knew what somebody needed and that was really strange, yet kind that she always decided to help when she was able to. Lexa was the real hero of their inner circle and Raven felt even more ashamed that she was treating her that way. Even though she didn’t say a word, because she knew, that despite all her thoughts about Lexa, brunette wasn’t thinking the same about herself, so she could possibly try to break latina’s nose. And Raven was sure that she would succeed, so she stayed quiet. Lexa may be tiny, but that didn’t mean that she was weak and that her fist couldn’t do any harm. To be honest, Raven saw what her fist can, so she didn’t want to know how it felt.

“Raven? Everything’s all right?” she asked when they stopped in front of Arcadia’s door. Young engineer swallowed hard and she slightly nodded, but she wasn’t convinced.

“I just… I am afraid.” She stated, thinking that she needed to tell the truth this time. And she hoped that Lexa would understand. And she did.

“There’s no need to be afraid of anything, Raven.” Brunette stated, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. “There would be nobody but person you know, you love as sister, person that will be eager to help you. But you need to calm down and try to explain everything. Without hiding things, without anger, without nerves… even if it’s stressful, and I know it is.”

“How can you do that?” she asked suddenly and Lexa glanced at latina without understanding, so she was encouraged to continue. “You know… be like that? So calm, so constant in your emotions or, more, lack of them? Even when you’ve been through everything you’ve been…”

“Enough.” Lexa interrupted her firmly, but sensitively. “Look. There’s no me in this, okay? I’m just trying to help. And when I do, I can’t engage my emotions. They’re always making a fog, trying to blur my vision and the solution. So I learned to switch them off on certain occasions, you know? And this situation is one of them. I just want to help you and, believe me or not, panicking here wouldn’t be helpful, don’t you think?” she smiled and Raven nodded after a while of hesitation. Anyway, she couldn’t imagine Lexa panicking. Just… that didn’t suit her. Raven supposed that Lexa had never had any panic attack and that she was though as hell, than nothing could actually get to her.

She had not any idea how greatly mistaken she was, but brunette didn’t say a word about that. They headed towards the Arcadia’s door and they entered. Seeing Clarke, Octavia and Anya didn’t take them much time, but Raven stopped hesitantly.

“You didn’t say there would be all of them.”

“That’s because I didn’t know it would.” Lexa stated calmly, but she was boiling inside. She couldn’t believe that her sister didn’t say a word about that. She wasn’t all pissed off, but still it was small inconvenience, not for her, but for Raven indeed.

“Finally, you’re there… oh, Rae.” Clarke couldn’t hide her surprise, but she wasn’t so angry anymore. She nodded as latina did the same and both of them, Lexa and Raven, sat on chairs.

“Hi, Clarke, I…” she stuttered and Lexa smiled a little to her girlfriend.

“Look, we’re not here to fight. Actually… we’re here for help, so…”

“That’s something with Finn, didn’t it?” blonde asked and Raven raised her eyebrow when she heard that.

“How…”

“One does not simply repeat such fucked up phrase.” She stated and Lexa huffed, glancing at her sister with anger, crossing her hands on her chest.

“The fuck, Anya? That’s what you call »please, don’t tell Clarke«?” she asked and Anya didn’t even blushed.

“I know that it was yours to tell, but she asked and I didn’t think that was something bad to tell her. For fuck’s sake, she cares about her. That’s not how healthy…”

“Enough.” Lexa told her with voice cold as ice, when Anya approached dangerously to the borderline. Brunette promised Clarke that she would be able to tell Raven about them when all was okay, so she was willing to keep that promise. “We’re not here to discuss what I said or not. I hope we will talk about this later, Clarke?” she asked, looking with plead into Clarke’s eyes and blonde nodded. She didn’t seem to be really upset, but she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to think. “So, we’re here to discuss something. Raven, can you do the honors?”

“Erm… yeah, I think…” she cleared her throat and wondered for a while. She glanced at everybody’s face and she didn’t see any sign of hostility. She nodded and started telling her story: “Okay, so… you know, firstly, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I had already apologized to Lexa…” she stated and person mentioned nodded her head. “And so I want to apologize to you, Clarke. I… I was a bitch and I will understand if you wouldn’t want to forgive me.”

“I’ll see.” Clarke sighed, but Lexa, when she saw her facial expression, held her smile. She knew that her girlfriend would. “Proceed.”

“Okay. So… Y’all were right. It was Finn and still is. I don’t know if he wouldn’t know about this meeting, but…”

“You don’t have to be afraid of him.” Anya’s knuckles cracked loudly, but latina shook her head, so did Lexa.

“There’s no room for violence this time.” She stated and her sister glanced at her with a doubt.

“Said person who hit him in the face without hesitation and broke his nose.” She snorted and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Situation demanded such an action.” She stated. “He hit me, so violence was already present. Now he has other methods. But if we don’t get silent, we will never know about them.”

“Then shut up.” Anya smiled and Lexa rolled her eyes once again. Clarke smiled, seeing that. She liked when her girlfriend did that, that was cute. Octavia smiled too.

“Okay, Rae–Rae, so? What happened with Finn?”

“He… I think that the best would be if I’ll tell you everything from scratch, but… I’m not sure if you want to hear that.”

“Fuck your insecurities, just give us this story so we know what we’re dealing with.” Clarke leaned towards her. Raven sighed, but she felt relieved that it was Clarke who said such a thing. She nodded and straightened a little. Blonde said »we’re dealing with«, like the old times. Raven was safe. She felt safe that time.

“Okay.” She nodded. “I was pissed off when you went with him to the prom.” Rae stated, pointing Clarke. “Finally I thought that I was over it and I deserved that, for sure, because of what I had done. Not important. And then… one day Finn just knocked at my door and demanded help. I said to him that he can screw himself, because I would never… and then it started.”

“What started?” Clarke asked, but Raven was silent. Anya observed her carefully, so did Lexa. Octavia was listening. Latina, finally, decided to say that out loud.

“He stated that he want my help, because he can’t see you rolling with Lexa.” She sighed, glancing at these two. “I refused, I didn’t want to be any more between you guys, because I was and that ended poorly for me. I hate that situation, believe me or not. And then… he shot.”

“What?” Anya’s eyes widened and she started looking for any wounds, but Lexa calmed her sister.

“Easy, An, that was a metaphor.” She stated and Raven nodded gratefully. Elder Woods’ sister crossed her arms, but she said nothing, slightly angry because of that.

“You agreed on helping him after all.” Clarke assumed, also crossing her arms. “So tell me, what he shot you with that you did that.”

“He… blackmailed me.” Raven didn’t want to say that, but she had to and she knew that. She took a deep breath and then she spoke: “When we met, I liked using drugs. I knew how much you despise them, so I ceased using it, but sometimes… you know, sometimes I was back to my old habits, because I wanted something that real life wouldn’t giving me. I don’t know what was that, maybe freedom, maybe new perspective… And Finn had my photos. He threatened that he would spread this through internet, on our university site, so everyone could see that… you know how much trouble would I be in? I didn’t wanted this to happen because of all the engineering projects I’m on and… ah, yes, especially, you. I didn’t want to destroy what we had, because I knew… I knew that you will not support this. Like the only one thing in my life that you just wouldn’t.”

“So you’re saying that you agreed to take me and Lexa apart just because Finn threatened you with something that could destroy our friendship?” Clarke raised her eyebrows and when Raven nodded, she snorted. “You’re dumbass, for fuck’s sake, Reyes!” she nearly shouted. She leaned towards her friend and she squinted her eyes. “Didn’t you see that what he made you do was worse than possibility that I would know about your escapades with drugs?”

“I…”

“He wanted you, Clarke.” Lexa stated, rescuing Raven of responding. “He still does. That’s not really weird that he made her do that shit, because he doesn’t really care about your friendship. All he cares is that…”

“His penis would have someplace to fill.” Anya stated and everyone groaned.

“Yeeew, An, you’re gross.” Lexa shook her head and Clarke blushed.

“But she’s right.” Octavia nodded, finally speaking out loud. “People, we have to do something. Rae–Rae mustn’t deal with it alone. We can help her. Even if this situation seems to be... ridiculous.”

“Something in mind?” Anya asked and Octavia nodded. She glanced at Clarke and Lexa.

“But you two had to talk about something first, didn’t you?” she asked and brunette slightly blushed, fixing her sight on her intertwined fingers. She nodded and Clarke did the same.

“How about outside?” she finally asked and blonde agreed. They excused their company, who said that it was nothing and that they should take their time. After all Lexa and Clarke left Arcadia for some time.

“We need to talk, right?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded, but remained silent. Also, she wasn’t even looking at her. “You don’t want to, I can tell that.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…” Lexa sighed and she finally glanced at blonde. Emerald gaze met blue one and they both melted. Brunette took one step closer, but she hadn’t got enough courage to do anything else. “…I… there’s something that I should explain. Why I didn’t say anything about what happened with Raven.”

“I’m listening.” Clarke sat on the short pillar and Lexa observed her carefully, trying to find anything that could tell her if Clarke was angry or something. She didn’t find it, because blonde wasn’t. She wanted to just listen to her girlfriend. Lexa cleared her throat then and she nodded.

“I was afraid, first of all, because I didn’t want your friendship to end.” She stated, but when Clarke wanted to say something, she raised her hand, gently giving her a sign that she didn’t finish. “Because I knew that this situation wasn’t really good between you two and that was my fault. Please, don’t say otherwise, because I know that it was. If I drank then, she wouldn’t be so hammered, but it’s not the point. I didn’t want your friendship to end… because of one thing.”

“And that is…?” Clarke started to be nervous. She could smell that something was wrong, really wrong. She was worrying about what Lexa had in mind.

“I know that keeping secrets is not good for developing a healthy relationship, but… I kept this from you just because I was afraid of your potential reaction.” She sighed, but Clarke remained silent. She was waiting for next words and she finally got them. “You know, I… I am afraid that we split up. No matter why, there’s no real reason for thinking that way maybe, I know, but… I don’t know. I just… I know that I’m not really good for you. That I’m not the best part you can have, that I am not the best thing that could happen to anybody. I was afraid that if I tell you, it will destroy everything you and Raven have. And I knew that Raven was always with you, always for you. She was and is your friend and that when you realize that I am not the one you want me to be… not the one for you… that you will need her. Need her arm, her words, just her. And I was…” she stopped for a while and Clarke tried not to shed a tear, but she couldn’t. She also knew that she had to interrupt.

“Lexa, don’t.” She stated in quiet voice, looking at her girlfriend with worry but also love in her eyes. She reached her hand and caught Lexa’s. They intertwined fingers and Clarke nearly forced Lexa to look at her. “I know that it’s hard to believe that I would want you, because of all your insecurities, Lexa. I try to understand this, you know? I’m really trying and I think I’m succeeding. There’s nothing bad in what you’d done, just because you wanted to save my and Raven’s friendship… but there’s one thing that was wrong. Your thoughts about yourself. Lexa, you’re the best that ever happened to me, you know? You’re my light, my night and day. You’re my life, my love and my everything. I have never felt something like that with anybody. I want you all, as you are, and I will not reject you because of who you are, because of your flaws. You’re precious the way you are and I would never abandon you. Please, stop thinking that you’re not enough. You’re more than that. You’re great for me, for your friends, all you gotta do is believe us. We’re here for you as you’re here for us. And… please, just believe in you. I know that it’s hard, but… We can do it.”

“Thanks…” Lexa nodded, trying to hold her tears. She succeeded and there was only wet surface of her eyeballs that informed about what she was feeling inside.

“No need to.” Clarke smiled through tears. She squeezed Lexa’s hand. “I wish you told me earlier… maybe I could help you then.”

“I wasn’t aware about that before.” Lexa sighed with shame. “I… I discovered it lately. I… I’m so sorry, Clarke.”

“Please, don’t.” Blonde stood up and approached. Their foreheads bumped gently and both of them smiled a little. “And don’t hide anything like that from me. We can work everything out, but all we have to do is try. Talk about that, you know?”

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded and Clarke sighed with relief.

“Please, if we want to be together, you have to trust me.”

“I do trust you, Clarke.” brunette squeezed Clarke’s hand. Blonde glanced at her with gratitude and she kissed her gently. Lexa returned the favor. “Thank you. For being here.”

“Nothing to thank for.” Blonde smiled and pointed Arcadia’s interior. “We should go back there.”

“I wish everything was easy and we don’t have to…” brunette sighed. “I like our time.”

“Me too.” Clarke nodded. “But I promise you, when everything is over, we’ll have plenty of it.”

“I trust your word.” Lexa smiled and they entered the café. “So, can we?”

“Of course.” Octavia grinned and all women leaned towards her to listen. “Here’s the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, I'm sorry for the delay, but I can barely move, yesterday I was drunk as Raven while playing Mass Effect (Legion died, so I had to do something that he would not, so I had to repeat from latest save and something bad happened and I don't have last ten hours of my game and I was so depressed) and today I was just helping my future father-in-law and I am dead outside and inside. Anyway, I'm glad I could make it.
> 
> I hope you like it, thank you for all your kudos and comments, they are so supportive, I can't believe! I'm so glad you're here and I don't know how to thank you!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!
> 
> * if I wouldn't be able to post, please, don't be mad, I have some problems with my graduation paper and exams, but still, I will try to post this, because this is one among few things that are keeping me alive.


	67. What we're doing?

“Lexa, you look terrible. Did you sleep?” blonde asked when she met Lexa before their classes. She had shadows under her eyes, she was exhausted and first thing that brunette did in front of her girlfriend, was huge yawn. Clarke thought that it was quite adorable, despite the fact that she wasn’t looking so good.

“Clarke, I don’t know if it’s really good idea.” Lexa grabbed blonde’s hand and looked her in the eye. “What… what if something bad happens?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… but you do. You know him, you know what he’s capable of. You can have problems because of him…”

“Shhh, Lexa.” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand. “Listen. Nothing bad will happen just because I know that you’re by my side, okay? You’ll be next to me and I am certain that you know what to do. You won’t let anything bad happen to me, am I right?” she asked and brunette nodded. “I may know him, but you know how to beat him.”

“Okay.” Lexa sighed, but Clarke knew that something was still wrong. She sighed too.

“You don’t believe it, right?” she asked, but then the answer hit her. “Lexa, please. Please, don’t even think that way.” She stated, reaching her hand and lifting brunette’s head, forcing her to look in her blue eyes. “Don’t you even dare thinking that way, you hear me?”

“What do you…”

“I know that you’re thinking if that’s possible for me to go back to Finn. Lexa, please.” She did one step forward and she smiled soothingly, cupping her cheek. Her eyes were calm and firm, so Lexa had certainty that Clarke was honest. “It’s not. Look, I… wherever I’ll go, no matter how far, I would always come back to you. Hey, I love you, you hear me?”

“Aye.” Lexa nodded, trying not to shed a tear. “Yeah, Clarke. I… I’m sorry.” She whispered, but blonde pulled gently her face and their foreheads bumped.

“No need to be, Lex.” She stated. “I don’t want you to…”

“Shh.” Brunette shook her head. “I know. I don’t want you to worry about me, I just need… some time to understand that you actually can love me.” She stated and Clarke smiled. She kissed her girlfriend gently, and then they separated.

“I can. And I will. Let’s go.”

*

 

**RAVEN**

“You’re sure that will actually work?” latina asked Octavia when they met. “Look, I don’t…”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but… that might work. Seriously.” O. glanced at her friend and she smiled comfortingly, trying to make Raven less worried about what they had to do. “But I’m pretty sure that Finn is an idiot, so it would be easier than with any other person.”

“So…”

“Yeah.” She smiled, looking at her phone. She got message from Clarke that hey were on position, waiting for Finn to appear. They had to be sure that he would be attending his classes and then they can go with whatever they had. “Okay, he’s here. It’s your call, we do it now or later, after classes?”

“He would not miss them.” Raven shook her head. “He’s on some kind of important project and I am sure that he won’t even think about going after Clarke right now. Wait… wait. After classes he would have clearer mind and then we will be able to…”

“You’re not sure.” Octavia didn’t ask, but Raven didn’t deny. They both knew what that was about. Anyway, tanned girl sent the message to Clarke that they have to wait for that until the end of classes and they all separated ways to their duties. Lexa and Clarke headed towards the history building, Raven went to engineering building, and Octavia had her sport classes.

*

 

**CLARKE**

“You’re still not sure, are you?” she whispered, trying not to disturb her professor during the lecture, but she needed to speak with Lexa. Writing wasn’t really an option.

“I don’t know, there is something that I think is not really… I don’t know how to say it, Clarke.” Lexa sighed silently. “Something stinks here.”

They were sitting in the last row of desks, so the professor wasn’t really capable of seeing them. Clarke and Lexa leaned towards each other, trying not to disturb anyone on the lecture who was actually listening to the material.

“But… what?”

“I don’t know, I had said that already.” She stated. “Even though I believe Raven, I can’t believe that she did that because of some photos, you know?”

“That’s weird what you’re saying.” Clarke raised her eyebrow. “What are you thinking about? You’re denying your own words at the same time.”

“I know, but… look. I know there is something between Finn and Raven, something bad, that’s obvious. He is blackmailing her, but… photos? Really? Again? It’s weird that Costia had my photos and Raven knew about it and now…”

“Okay, I get it. But what do you think about it now? That she’s lying to us? What for?”

“I’m not really convinced if she’s lying.” Lexa shook her head. “She’s weird, but she’s not an idiot. She wouldn’t risk losing you because of another lie. I think that’s more. A lot more than she is telling us.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“And I’m not sure I’m right, Clarke.” Lexa shrugged, but she looked her girlfriend in the eye. Honey met blue and they both sighed. “I just … that’s something people call »intuition«. I don’t really know if my intuition is right.”

“In this case? I hope not.” Clarke stated and she pulled her sketchbook out of her bag. Lexa did the same thing with her book. Blonde glanced at her. “You’re not gonna listen?”

“I can’t focus on anything.” She shrugged. “I just… not today.”

“During break we’re going for coffee. No excuses.” She stated and Lexa smirked and then nodded.

*

 

**RAVEN**

Engineering classes were passing calmly, but Raven was nervous and worried. Her hands were shaking and she knew why was that. She didn’t say all the truth to their friends, but what was the purpose? Nobody would listen to her then and she was sure that they all would reject her for good. However she was all shaking, trying to go on schedule with her class projects and she tried to cope with everything, not even missing a screw, because she was aware that it could attach someone’s attention. And she didn’t want that.

When it came to break, she was relieved that she could actually stop doing what she was doing and she was out to the cafeteria for some tea. She was sure that if she drank a coffee, she wouldn’t be able to think about anything and she would start walking on walls. When Raven was sitting by one of the tables in cafeteria, someone approached her and, without asking, without invitation, took a sit in front of her. She didn’t have to raise her head and see to know who was that bastard.

“Raven.” Finn’s voice was low, quiet, but disturbing. She stiffed for a while, but she couldn’t let him notice that, so she raised her head and looked at him with disgust, as usual. She tried not to look scared, because that could make him suspicious and that was something that she didn’t want.

“What do you want.” She didn’t ask, but he didn’t mind. He raised his eyebrow and leaned towards her.

“Something new for me?” he asked and latina shrugged.

“I’m on it.” She stated and he knocked angrily on the table with his knuckles.

“You’re on it for a long time, Raven. I want results.”

“Maybe today. They’re on their best way to end anything that’s between them.” She stated. “If you’re willing to see some drama, you can wait for it after the classes.”

“And what you’re up to?” he was suspicious first, but when Raven shrugged and crossed her arms, he knew that she was confident about what she had to do. He was sure that Raven was the right one to do this task. And then Clarke would be his.

“I have my plan. And when I would execute it, then Lexa would not want to talk to Clarke anymore, all at once, so you will have clean shot to comfort her and then get back to her.” She stated, sipping her tea, trying not to show that her hands were shaking. And she succeeded.

Finn stood up with wide grin on his face and he nodded. “Great. Then I’ll be there before the drama starts. And you have to remember. I have things that could make you squirm, so better watch yourself. Lexa wouldn’t be so happy when she realizes that. ”

And he vanished into thin air. Raven sighed with relief, and she scratched her neck. She was all sweaty and she was sure that this situation she was in wasn’t the best she could imagine. Raven counted on that she would just get rid of Finn and then she will be able to tell the whole truth and live her normal life. Also, she was regretting what she had done. It was just do damn stupid and now she is fucking pinned to the wall because of her own stupidity. She couldn’t believe, but she had no other choice. She had to get rid of Finn as soon as it was possible.

Latina stood up, drank her tea and she threw the cup to the dumpster. And then she was back to her classes, praying for everything to go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I feel like it's more like a filler one, but not fully, so I am quite okay with that. I hope you liked it as well, and I am so sorry that it's shorter one, but I'm in distress right now because I feel like everything around me is on fire (this type of introvert who is doing everything right before the deadline), but I swear, I try to manage. So I hope you're getting next chapter next Friday. :)
> 
> Thanks for all your kudos and comments, that's great when you're sharing with me all your thoughts!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	68. That's the plan

**CLARKE**

“Okay, so you two are sure that you want to do it?” Raven asked through her phone, not really sure if this could work. She was questioning the plan not because it was bad. She was questioning it because she didn’t really believe that Finn could actually believe in what they were planning.

“Pretty sure.” Clarke nodded and she glanced at Lexa. Brunette was focused and she was visibly struggling with her own thoughts. “We’ll manage, you’ll see. See ya in fifteen minutes, you know what to do.”

“Yeah, I know.” Raven sighed and she hung up.

“She’s not sure, is she?” Lexa raised her eyes on Clarke and her girlfriend shrugged.

“I’m not sure.” She stated honestly. “You know, she was desperate when she was telling us the truth then, in Arcadia, but now it’s like she’s lost all of her determination. I don’t know what really happened, but… I’m afraid.”

“No need to be. I’m on your side. All the time, okay?” Lexa hugged her gently and Clarke smiled a little, when she felt Lexa’s warmth.

“Okay. Let’s do it then.”

And they headed towards the campus’ exit, just for going past the engineering building. When they were on their way, holding hands, seeming pretty calm and happy, their emotions were raging inside. None of them said a word about that, but they were both afraid, not knowing what the situation that was waiting for them to face might bring.

“Hey! Clarke! Clarke!” They heard and when they both turned around, they saw Raven. Octavia was calmly approaching from the gym, so she was on guard too.

“What’s up, Raven?” she asked noticing that Lexa tried to keep calm, but she couldn’t really do it. She knew what was going on, because Raven was already nervous. So did she.

“Look, I have something for you.” She approached for the distance that nobody could read their lips, that nobody could hear her but Lexa and Clarke. Rae pulled something off her pocket and she gave it to blonde. Paper sheet folded in four, and she glanced at her friend, nodding to encourage her to open that. Every one of them noticed that Finn’s silhouette appeared in the distance. He didn’t want to approach, because he was sure it wouldn’t be good for the whole situation.

Clarke sighed and she unfolded the paper. When she saw what was on it, she stiffed for a while, still looking at that thing, then she slowly moved her sight at Raven.

“What’s that?” she asked her, but Raven took two steps back and she shook her head. Clarke glanced at Lexa and she handed her the piece of paper which she received with shaking hands. Clarke seemed to be shocked and she didn't expect to see such a thing. “So maybe you can explain this to me.”

“What…?” Lexa took a look at that picture. And it was pretty… she couldn’t even say what was that. But she was terrified. “But…”

“We’re supposed to create something that people are used to call »the relationship« and now you’re doing something like this…?” Clarke glanced unbelievingly at Lexa. “I… I thought that when you said you loved me, you were telling me the truth.” In Clarke’s eyes there were tears, she seemed surprised and disappointed. Lexa’s hands were shaking more visibly now, because she was aware what would happen. Blonde wiped away her tears, but it didn’t really work.

“Clarke, I… I meant that!” Lexa stated with cracking voice, but blonde shook her head with firm on her face. Lexa, seeing this, took a few steps back, zipped her hoodie and covered her hands with the sleeves. She glanced at Clarke once again.

“I… this thing… I’m not sure anymore.” She stated, but in her voice there was something disturbing. She was disappointed because of what she had seen.

“Clarke… Clarke, don’t. I can explain.” Brunette tried to take step forward, but Clarke shook her head again, eyes full of tears. Lexa didn’t move then.

“I… don’t try to... If you respect me… that’s the least you can do. Don’t lie. Don’t say anything. Please.” She stated, furrowing her eyebrows. Lexa started to breathe more heavily. Clarke noticed that this reaction was slightly beyond the situation they planned, but when she wanted to react somehow, Lexa turned around in one moment and she just started running. She couldn’t allow this whole cover to just blow because of her mind, even if she knew that it was wrong.

“For fuck’s sake, what…” Octavia approached, seeing heavy atmosphere, hearing the cries. She approached Clarke, then she grabbed the paper from the ground, because Lexa dropped it and when she saw what was on it, she groaned. She took it with her and she raised her head in direction when Lexa left. “WOODS!” she yelled with anger and she decided to follow her. “Clarke, keep calm, I’ll try to find her and... I’m sure that she would have any explanation. If not, I’ll kill her.”

Blonde nodded with disappointment and she let Octavia go. Tanned girl disappeared the same way that Lexa did. Clarke looked at Raven.

“How… how did you get that?” she asked, trying not to cry. “And why did you show me…?”

“Because I knew that she didn’t tell ya.” Raven glanced at her with soothing smile on her face. “But I thought that you need to know. Just because I’m your friend and I tried to… you know. Protect you.”

“How did you get that?” she asked once again and raven sighed.

“I… I just saw it, okay? I tried to believe that you two guys were meant to be and even if you didn’t tell me that you were together then…”

“So WE’RE NOT.” Clarke nearly screamed with hoarse voice. “It… Everything’s ruined. EVERYTHING. Just because… just like that.” She snapped her fingers and Raven sighed. She tried to approach.

“Please, I didn’t mean to be…” she spread her arms to hug her friend, but Clarke didn’t answer. She shook her head, eyes full of tears now and she took a few steps back.

“I… I can’t.” she whispered and then she just started quickly walking away, not reacting on Raven’s shouts. She was shattered.

When she was far enough not to hear anybody, she just stopped and tried to calm herself, but she was all shaky and her breath was far away from calm.

“Hey, Clarke, everything’s all right?” she heard a voice from behind her. She turned around and she saw Finn. “Let me help you.”

And, before she said anything, he approached and gave her a warm, comforting hug that she was grateful for.

Or, at least, he thought that.

 

*

**LEXA**

Lexa was running without any sign of exhaustion. Her feet were rhythmically hitting the ground, and brunette tried to just stop herself, but she really couldn’t. She knew that everything she felt was wrong and that everything her mind produced was just an illusion. But it was there after all and even though she tried to get rid of it, she was helpless.

She ran into the meadow and she finally stopped, catching deep breath, trying to avoid panic attack. She was aware that she was just pathetic, she knew that her behavior could blew everything up, so she needed to back off. And, after all, she was just thinking that everything she had done was for good, because Finn would have arguments that she is pathetic and that Clarke did the right thing when she said that Lexa shouldn’t say anything.

Brunette stretched and she sighed. That was her tricky mind that was giving her ideas that this whole situation might lead to Finn and Clarke going back together, Clarke splitting up with her after all they had been through… of course she was aware that Clarke loved her, she said that to her several times and Lexa felt the same way, but… she wasn’t so sure. She knew so well that life was as tricky as sick mind and that everything could happen. She was shattered, because her heart knew one thing, her health half of mind knew the same, but everything that what was wrong with her was telling her that this situation would end poorly for her… just like always.

“Fuck you, Woods.” She snapped at herself, leaning towards the tree. She sighed and shook her head, closing her eyes. “Stop that. She’s not gonna cheat on you.”

She wanted to believe that. She knew how Clarke was reacting on Finn when they had met during the prom, she saw it. Clarke was afraid of him, she even said that he had tried to smear Lexa, but her girlfriend didn’t allow it. Lexa was confused, because she didn’t really know why her mind was treating her like that. Why it was so unfriendly. She had to keep her sanity, because she was aware that if she lost that, she would lose her girlfriend. Nobody wanted to be with someone who couldn’t get her shit together, she was certain.

Eventually, she sighed for the last time and she straightened her back. After that she decided to go back home. She needed something to drink, she needed some sedatives. She had to try to keep calm, stay away from panic attacks. There wasn’t any place for her strange and pathetic behavior.

She went home calmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it seems that they can cope with everything that they're facing. Quite comforting.
> 
> I hope you liked this one. I'm sorry that lately these chapters are shorter, but I am on the last straight line to graduate, so exams, exams, exams, writing graduation paper and exams once again, so I am a little bit busy, but, of course, I don't want to leave it even for a while, because I like this story. So, I hope you too.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments, all the support. This is awesome what you're doing, guys.
> 
> Take care and until Friday. :)


	69. Phase One

**LEXA**

“Hey, everything’s okay?” she heard Octavia’s voice when she finally found her sitting on the porch. With eyes closed and hood on her head, she leaned her chest on her knees, she covered her face with her hands, she seemed like she was sleeping, but O. knew that Lexa was not. Sharp, heavy breath was too visible to take the illusion. Tanned girl sat next to Lexa and she glanced at her. “Lexa?”

“Yeah, it is.” She nodded, wiping away the tears with her sleeve, and she glanced at her interlocutor. “And how…?”

“Great. But… what’s happening? I can see that…”

“That was just heavy situation. And for good impression I had to immerse.” Lexa sighed. “So I did that. And my brain… well, it just believed that Clarke… that she…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Octavia spread her arms and she hugged her friend. She did it gently, being careful and paying attention on Lexa. She needed to know when she would have had enough. “She still loves you.”

“I know. And… I still love her.”

“If it’s too much we can tell her that…”

“NO.” Lexa shook her head suddenly and she glanced at Octavia with eyes glowing with wetness. “No. Raven needs help and the only one person that can do this is Clarke. Nothing is worthy stopping that now. Especially when we just did what we did.”

“You’re pretty sure, I guess.” Octavia was surprised, but she knew that Lexa could be very stubborn. “But there’s something that you dropped. I think that Clarke should be very, very jealous about that.” She handed her folded paper and Lexa smiled a little when she took that from O.’s hand. She unfolded the paper now folded twice and she smiled even widely, nodding.

“Yeah, me too.” She stated, looking at the picture with unknown feeling in her stomach. But she knew that she didn’t do anything bad. That was… normal? “You… want something to drink? If you are supposed to chase and then capture me… you have to spend some time away from them. And we will be able to talk, I can see that something’s bothering you. So…?”

“Yeah, why not.” Octavia nodded with smile and Lexa got up, unlocking the door.

 

*

**CLARKE**

She was observing Finn the whole time they were together that day. After this “argument” with Lexa that one decided to lend her a hand, to comfort and he did everything that Clarke was expecting from a good friend. Or somebody who wanted something more than only being friends. But she predicted that, they had predicted that, she and her friends. All was about to find the pictures of Raven, take them away and made him regret everything he has done.

She was afraid that wouldn’t be able to play her role, because she was not so good actress, but suddenly, while arguing with Lexa, she had seen the concern, the hesitance in brunette’s eyes. Like she saw something that had said her that Clarke would actually be able to split up with her. Both of them knew that it was a lie, they knew that they loved each other more and more each day, so they wouldn’t even want to think about spending time apart. And yet she saw what happened. She was aware that her beloved girlfriend nearly had a panic attack when they were arguing and the only hope for Clarke was to believe that Octavia would talk to Lexa and they would be able to figure something out. She was upset that she couldn’t talk to brunette, but she knew that both of them were aware of what was at stake. They couldn’t meet under Finn’s nose, they had to hide their relationship from him, but all of them hoped that not for long. Everybody knew that Finn and Clarke just didn’t belong together, that Lexa was the perfect one for her. All of them, except, of course, Finn, because he was sure that he would be the only one since Lexa seemed to be a liar, and Lexa herself, because she had issues with trusting in herself.

“Clarke, everything would be okay.” Finn smiled, taking her hand. She resisted not letting him do it, so she knew that was necessary. He wanted to comfort her and she should let him. Blonde knew that her companion thought that she was easy to take, so she wouldn’t even want to show him that he was wrong. It was his problem that he couldn’t really get along with women. “What’s bothering you?”

She decided to play.

“I don’t know, she always seemed so great and honest to me and now… I don’t really know what to think about it all.” She sighed, sitting on the nearest bench she could reach. Finn did the same, taking a seat next to her. He smiled comfortingly and he reached her arm to wrap around Clarke’s shoulders.

“I don’t want to make you feel worse, but… that’s what I told you then, on the prom and after. You knew that I was right, but you wanted to prove that I was not. And… now you’re hurt. But you can be sure that I would do everything to make you happy again. You don’t need to bother about this sneaky little bitch, I would take care of her.” He stated and Clarke shivered. She glanced at him, trying to read from his face what he had on his mind. Asking him could be too much, but she decided to do that eventually just because she was sure that he was too narrow–minded to really see the truth in this situation.

“But… what are you planning to do?” she raised her eyebrows, trying to calm down and not to let the tears fall. She was sure that he would take that as a sign of even more harm that Lexa had done, even though she ain’t do shit.

“I will seek vengeance and I will get it.” He smiled, but when he saw her facial expression he shook his head to calm her down. “Clarke, let her go. She isn’t worthy.”

Blonde nodded, but she felt relieved that she could do something about the “vengeance” and that she would be able to be on guard if he had crazy idea. She nodded, but she didn’t agree with him at all.

“Oh, Clarke, I have one more question for you…” he glanced at her and she looked at him.

“Yes?”

“What was on the photo?” he asked and Clarke stiffed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so, so sorry that this chapter is this short, but the problem is that I have so much to do. I know, excuses, excuses and more of them, but I promise when this is all over (my exams, my shitty situation on the universe, etc.) I will grant you a huge chapter. I'll try, I swear. But for now, you have to forgive me because of that shortness. And I honestly can tell that next weeks' chapter could be similar because now I'm on fire and that's not about writing (but I wish it was.)
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, for commenting, for all kudos you've left. I really love you and I respect you so I am grateful that you're here even though I'm making shitty excuses, trying to cope with everything. You're the best!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	70. Phase two

“Here.” Lexa handed Octavia a glass of well–done mojito and tanned girl thanked her by nodding. She sipped from her drink and she whistled with approval.

“Wow, that’s really good. You thought about being a bartender?” she asked, but Lexa smiled and shook her head.

“Not really.” She stated. “You know, social anxiety sometimes makes my hands shaking so hardly that I can’t keep still the bottle I’m holding.”

“That must be hard.” O. glanced at her interlocutor when she was sitting on the porch, but Lexa shook her head.

“I got used to it, that’s nothing big right now.” She tried to diminish her issue, but Octavia got the hint and ceased to ask. “So, I can say that you want to talk about something? Am I right?”

“So you can be, at least, my bartender. I would totally trust you with these.” She raised her glass and then she glanced at her interlocutor again. She was waiting for answer to her question and O. knew that she wouldn’t let go. “Lex… how you’re doing with all this? I mean… you know, being with Clarke and going on with this crazy plan and… don’t you feel overwhelmed? Angry? Afraid?”

“Oh, I feel like everything you’ve said and a few more.” Brunette smiled a little. She knew that Octavia could be trusted even more than Raven. Sometimes she was wondering why Clarke preferred to stay around Raven more often than around Octavia. But she knew that she wasn’t the one to judge. “But there’s nothing to be worried about, I’m quite fine and I don’t complain about anything.”

“The fact that you’re not complaining doesn’t mean that you’re not feeling worried.” Octavia took another sip from her glass while Lexa was sipping her soda. Tanned girl glanced at her interlocutor and she sighed. “Look, Lexa. I don’t know what you’re feeling right now, but I can tell that it’s hard for you.”

“Nothing, really.” Brunette shrugged, looking at the picture that was shown to Clarke. There was her on it, sitting by her computer, one hand on left side of keyboard, right hand on the mouse and she was playing a game. Anya captured a moment when she was before the final part of the _Mass Effect 3_ and her character, Jane Shepard, was about to bang with her partner, an asari. Both women, one of them naked, on the screen, there was something really funny about this picture. Like… it was like Lexa was watching something that wasn’t suitable for her age, but it was something that was really amusing for her and it wasn’t bad at all. This game was the first that, in some kind, proved Lexa that love is love, no matter what’s your gender, skin color or even species.

“You’re hell of a gamer, don’t you?” Octavia smiled, following Lexa’s sight. Brunette shrugged once again, but tanned girl laughed quietly. “You can tell me.”

“I like gaming. It’s not requiring going outside.” She sighed, blushing a little. “Also, unlike Anya, I’m not playing games online, on multiplayer. I don’t like connecting with other gamers, because I know that when I’m the beginner they aren’t so nice. But I’m not fleeing from people that aren’t nice, O.” she waved her hands seeing Octavia’s facial expression. Lexa sighed. “I tried once or twice, but when people kept saying to me that I am a noob when I was only a beginner and haven’t had anything like good armor or legendary weapons and, of course, I didn’t want to spend my whole money on that, I was so pissed off that I was swearing at them, telling them what I think about such behavior. And that was it, I was banned in some point. Also, there was a bunch of players that wanted to join me and I prefer to walk and play alone, so online games aren’t really my thing.” She finished and Octavia nodded.

“Now it makes sence.” She smiled. “Always the outsider. Just…” she sighed, but she didn’t finish. It wasn’t even necessary, because Lexa did it for her.

“Just like you?” she asked, not looking at her. She could tell that she was right even with eyes closed. Octavia was always on second plan when it came to Clarke and Raven, why would she want to hide this fact if it was so obvious?

“Not really.” She shrugged at some point. “I have Clarke and Raven, but they were always closer to each other than to me. Sometimes I think that we…”

“…are closer to each other than you’re to them?” Lexa finished another time and Octavia nodded sadly.

“See? You can actually finish my sentence without hesitation. I doubt that any of them could do that.” She sighed and Lexa glanced at her carefully. Octavia caught her sight and raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“We’re just good friends, O.” she smiled. “I didn’t have any before I met Clarke. now I’ve got her… firstly as a friend and now as a girlfriend, so there must be someone as my best friend. You always were good to me and you didn’t mean to cause me harm. Also, you were the one who had remembered that I’m not drinking alcohol and then brought sodas. You were always great friend and that is making you my best friend now.” Lexa straightened her back. “And, before you would say anything, I will tell you why, in case if it’s not already obvious. You know, I can see people as they are, not as they want me to see them. Maybe I have social anxiety and another issues that make me stay away from people, but maybe it was because I could always read them like open books, they couldn’t hide anything from me… so maybe my brain wanted to prevent them of that.”

Octavia snorted with laughter, but she waved her hand giving Lexa a sign to continue. So brunette did.

“The only one thing that I can’t say about people is if they are attracted to me or not. Usually I appreciate that, because I didn’t want to look for anybody to be with, since Costia or so, but when I just want to know if I have any chances I suck. And I sucked when I tried to know if Clarke… oh, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, I know.” Octavia giggled. This was only getting better. “Go on.”

“So, after all, I finally met you, guys. Raven was like… I don’t know, book opened on the only one page that could be hidden, but it wasn’t. I knew immediately what kind of person she was. Crazy, reckless, liking to have fun no matter what, sometimes bitchy and not even trying to hold her language. Always in first range, always first for doing everything. But that was okay, I have nothing against that kind of people, but I wasn’t always having them around, because it’s not how I roll. And then there was you. Aloof, quieter, good listener. Sarcastic, with good sense of time, sometimes too backed off, but still a good friend of Clarke’s. I appreciated that, but I was always wondering why you were left behind, why I was always seeing Clarke with Raven, not all three of you and then it hit me. I thought that maybe… maybe you were a little bit like me.”

“What do you mean?” Octavia seemed interested, but Lexa shook her head, seeing what tanned girl thought.

“I don’t say that you have issues like I do, no. I… I just thought that maybe you just like being somewhere else, maybe in quiet place, by yourself. Like… you’re sportsman, I get it, and I think that every sportsman needs time to relax, meditate, to just be alone. Am I right?”

“Totally.” O. smiled and she nodded. “You read me very well. I just didn’t think that being around them was always a good idea. Raven always has these strange and crazy ideas and I’m not that kind of person who likes making them true. So I usually pass. And that’s why they’re usually without me. But… I’m kinda grateful that you’ve seen me and that you noticed that thing.”

“I am a good observer, because I don’t like to ask about things.” Lexa smiled a little. “And I always liked more people that were quiet and that didn’t like crowdy places or noisy people.”

“I’m glad that we’re friends, Lexa, you know? I always thought that with these two, I would never be chosen. You know… Clarke is specific, but she’s so squishy and soft that you just want to hold her and hug her and never let her go.”

“Tell me more.” Lexa blushed and Octavia chuckled.

“And Raven is always the one to party. Everyone likes people who like to party, right? They are… unstoppable at some point, with them fun if spelled with capital F.”

“And then there are people with who we can talk, share something, maybe play games, board or computer… there are people who aren’t that amusing for the rest, but are great friends for a bunch of jerks that don’t like partying.” Lexa smiled, friendly pushing Octavia’s shoulder. “Like us.”

“You have no idea how much I am glad that I’ve met you.” She smiled, trying not to show her interlocutor that her eyeballs became wet.

 

*

**CLARKE**

After Finn walking her home she was exhausted and needed to rest. She was totally out of stamina and will to live, when she had to improvise, because he asked her about the photo. She had to make some history up, just to please him and, she knew that, she had to tell him something that would at least build up his pride.

She told him that it was picture of Lexa and Costia, kissing and in rather strange situation to be considered only friendly. He swallowed that easily, stating that he had said that Lexa would cheat on Clarke whenever she would have an opportunity. She knew that she should insist on going to his place and then try to look around, but she couldn’t. She just wanted this shit to end, because it was bad for her, bad for Lexa, bad for their relationship. And Clarke knew that Lexa wouldn’t complain, because she wanted to help Raven, but she felt bad with that. And so did blonde.

She promised herself that she would do what she was supposed to do the next day or whenever she would have any opportunity and she took her phone. She chose one number and then she called.

“Clarke? Everything’s okay?” she heard the voice that she loved the most and that made her smile.

“When I hear you? Yes.” Clarke stated and nodded, even if Lexa couldn’t see her. “I wanted to hear you, but… I wish you were here.” She sighed.

“What happened?” blonde heard a noise of a cover and she was sure that Lexa just sat in her bed. “You can tell me.”

“I don’t like the idea of what we have to do.” Clarke stated, with little hesitation, but she tried to hide it. Lexa didn’t let her deceive herself, she detected that immediately. “I…”

“Clarke, everything would be okay.” Lexa smiled and Clarke could hear that. She nodded with resignation, but she wasn’t so sure about that.

“I just… I wish you were here, Lex.” She stated sadly. “You know, it’s like… I had to spend time with him and… I know what he had done to me, to Raven, to you… I just hate and despise him and yet I agreed on doing such a thing.”

“That makes you a great friend, you know?” Lexa asked, and Clarke sighed, but she didn’t say a word. “You agreed on helping your friend.”

“But I’m making worse things between us, Lexa.”

“But between us there’s nothing bad, sweetheart.” Brunette was sure of her words. “We’re good. I’m not loving you any less because of the time you’ve spent with Finn… and how about you?” she started to be concerned about all that, because she noticed that there might be something in Clarke’s mind that was going wrong with all this situation. Maybe she had been considering going back to him…? “I trust you, Clarke.”

“I know, Lexa.” Clarke sighed again. “I know that you trust me and I know that you’re not loving me any less, but… still I have this impression that I’m disappointing you. That I am doing something that would only backfire on me. Lex… what should I do?” she asked.

“Open the window.” She heard as an answer and she raised her eyebrows.

“Excuse me?”

“Open the damn window, it’s windy here.” Lexa stated once again and Clarke immediately jumped out of bed and she reached the window. She opened it and, in the middle of the night, she found her girlfriend under her sill.

“How you…” she asked, but she didn’t even have a chance to finish the sentence. Lexa hang up, she hid her phone into her pocket and jumped, she caught the window sill and she just did one pull up and she was inside. She sat on the sill and smiled widely when she saw her girlfriend. “What are you…”

“You said… ahem… quote, I wish you were here, unquote, so… here I am. But if you don’t want me here…”

“NO!” Clarke caught her girlfriend’s hand immediately, forced her to approach and she hugged her with such force that Lexa couldn’t even believe. “No, please. Stay.”

Lexa hugged her back immediately and when she felt the warmth of Clarke’s body, also how she was shaking… “Clarke, what’s going on, love?”

“I… I just think that I… I’m disappointing you, Lexa.” Blonde raised her wet eyes and her blue met Lexa’s emerald hidden behind the glasses. Brunette took her hands and she glanced her deep down into the eyes.

“You’re not, Clarke.” she stated, gently forcing blonde to raise her head, lifting her chin up and locking eyes. “You’re great, marvelous friend. I appreciate  what you’re doing for Raven and I totally trust you. But I can see that there’s not a problem with me not trusting you, but with you not trusting you.” Lexa pulled Clarke gently and made her sit on the bed, and she kneeled before her. “Look.” She started, squeezing blonde’s hand. “I am here for you and with you. I love you and nothing’s gonna change that, okay? I’m not stopping loving you.”

“But…”

“There’s no buts, sweetie.” Lexa smiled, shaking her head. “But if you’re not feeling well with what you’re doing, you don’t have to. I’m sure Raven would understand.”

“You… really don’t care about me and Finn?” Clarke clenched her fingers on Lexa’s hands and brunette let her do it.

“It’s not that I don’t care, Clarke. It’s rather that I am sure that there would not be anything between the two of you, you know? That’s demanding and I’m taking a lot of risk thinking that way, because I have to gain some self–esteem which I don’t have… and I have to take a risk and try to be certain that you won’t exchange me to him or anyone else, but… I love you and I can do that for you.”

“Lexa, I would never, ever exchange you for anybody, you hear me?” blonde asked, intertwining their fingers. She glanced Lexa in the eye and she smiled. “I love you and… if you really don’t mind me spending time with Finn because of this case we’re on… I can do that.”

“What can I do to prove to you that I’m okay with it?”

“I know you, okay? I know that even if something would not be okay, you will be pretending like it is and I will never find that out, just because you’re damn good actress. So if there’s something that I should know, tell me, please.”

“There’s nothing.” Lexa shook her head and she lifted a bit. “Look, I’m fine.”

“I hope.” Clarke smiled a little, and she pulled Lexa closer and she sat on her knees, facing her with surprised eyes, but she was smiling all the time. “Because I couldn’t stand you hurt.”

Lexa’s eyes were smiling and she caressed gently Clarke’s neck. Blonde closed her eyes under brunette’s tender touch. She sighed deeply and she opened her eyes when Lexa’s hand put her hair behind her ear. She felt relieved, but also hungry. Hungry for her girlfriend.

“What are you doing?” she asked to just get to know where they were at.

“Wooing and admiring the most marvelous woman I can imagine.” Lexa smiled, cupping Clarke’s cheeks and she kissed her gently yet firmly, and she tasted her smile when Clarke kissed her back, desperately catching her waist. There was thirst in the air, something that couldn’t be denied. Both of them loved each other so strongly that nothing could break that.

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa stated, kissing her more aggressively and Clarke liked it very, very much. She was surprised though, just because she didn’t predict that Lexa could actually kiss her that way. Very different way that she was doing it usually.

“I love you too, Lexa.” Clarke whispered with faster breath. She wanted it all. She wanted Lexa, she wanted everything that Lexa wanted to give her. And Lexa wanted to give her everything she was capable of. She wanted to show all her love that was burning inside of her, changing into desire, she wanted to be a part of Clarke, Clarke wanted to be a part of Lexa, they wanted to make one whole love. And when they were almost there to do something more, someone knocked at Clarke’s door.

“What the fuck.” Lexa backed off, standing on her own feet, releasing Clarke who glanced at her with disappointment. She was hoping that this evening would be perfect for them despite all the events. And now…

“Clarke?” they heard a quiet voice from outside and they both shivered. This was Finn’s voice. “Clarke, please, let me in. I know that you want to be alone, but trust me it’s not really good for you.”

“What should I do?” Clarke hissed to Lexa and brunette pointed the door.

“You should open them.”

“You sure?”

“I guess?” Lexa wasn’t, but she had to make right decisions, depending on her head, not on her heart.

“What’s about you?” Clarke stood next to the door and she glanced at Lexa. “You can’t leave like you’ve entered, just because he would hear you.”

“Then I’ll hide. Like a… you know… bad lover.” She smiled and she rolled under Clarke’s bed. She didn’t predict that, but everything should be tried. And she muted her phone, just in case. And when she did that, she heard Clarke opening the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I succeeded in writing a bit longer chapter than previously, I hope you liked it. Next week, on Thursday, I have my final exam and it's frightening to me, but if I succeed, then I'm graduate. Kinda sad, because I really like this studies after all, but it's like... necessary. Anyway, I hope that this chapter didn't disappoint you, guys.
> 
> Thank you for all comments, kudos and everything that you've left here! I'm so glad that you want to read this! I love you, like, seriously. You're marvelous.
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	71. The last phase pt 1

“How are you doin’?” Finn asked when Clarke let him in her room. He sat down on her bed and she sat next to him, but not too close, totally aware that Lexa was in the room too. However, she was praying for Finn not to notice that they wasn’t alone.

“I’m… fine, I guess?” Clarke more asked than stated, but he didn’t mind. He was just happy to have her next to him, he was very, very focused on her, on her look, on everything he would probably obtain from her. And, eventually, he was concerned about her feelings.

“You should just erase her from your memory.” Finn stated, smiling soothingly to Clarke and trying to hug her. She wasn’t that happy to let him, but she knew that she should just for pretending. “She wasn’t worthy to be your… what you were exactly, friends?”

When Lexa heard this question and she recognized the mocking tone of his voice, she clenched her fists, but she didn’t let a single gasp to go out. She wanted to punch him in the face, but that was impossible too, so she decided to stay quiet and wait for what would be later.

“Girlfriends.” Clarke stated, trying not to sound too nervous and pissed off. Finn didn’t even notice that she wasn’t really content to hear what he had said. “We were girlfriends.”

“Please, Clarke, don’t be silly. You’re a woman, there’s no such a thing as »girlfriends«.” He stated and Lexa set her teeth, clenching her fists even tighter when her nails were stuck into her skin. She didn’t believe that Finn was such an asshole. Neither did Clarke. “You’re meant to be with a man, not with a woman. You know, I would never let you be with dyke like this Woods… I know, from the beginning that she was not good for you, that she wasn’t good person at all, but you didn’t want to listen to me. That’s such a pity that you had to be hurt because of her, but I think that there is no better experience than your own mistakes, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.” Lexa heard, but, even if Finn didn’t hear that, Clarke had something dark in her voice. She started praying for her not to blow their cover. They had been so far with their plan.

“Can I...?” he asked, pointing at the bathroom and Clarke nodded. He stood up, Lexa saw moving feet and the door shut behind them. Blonde kneeled and she lowered her head to see Lexa underneath her bed.

“Everything’s okay?” she asked and Lexa snorted quietly.

“I can’t listen to him, who the fuck he thinks he is?!” she whispered angrily. “He…”

“I know, okay?” Clarke stated. “But we can’t do anything with that…”

“Actually, Clarke, we can.” Lexa sighed and she started looking for something in her pockets.

“What…?”

Brunette finally found something that she was looking for and she pulled it out. She gave Clarke a small box with three sections and blonde understood that it was actually Lexa’s box for medicaments. Her eyes widened and she glanced at her girlfriend with fear.

“What are you…”

“Look. This one.” Brunette pointed the last one section, with moon sticker on it. “You have to make a powder, you can use a fork, a knife, whatever you want, and then throw it to his drink. Don’t ask, please.”

“Would he be…?”

“Trust me. And when he will be out, try to offer him a lift. And walk him to his place.”

Clarke wanted to say something, but she heard that bathroom’s door were opening, so she straightened quickly and she hid the box in her pocket.

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, but Clarke shook her head.

“Would you like something to drink?” she asked and Finn smiled.

“Yes, please.” He stated and Clarke headed to kitchen. Finn started looking around her room, Lexa could see his feet moving towards the bookshelves and she assumed that he was just trying to get to know the literature that Clarke was reading.

Lexa was praying for Finn not to look underneath the bed, so she tried to breathe as quietly as she could, she didn’t even move when she noticed that he started to walk towards the bed. She felt cold sweat that was dripping from her forehead when she noticed that he was approaching and that he actually wanted to do something underneath Clarke’s bed. She was sure that if Finn would notice her, he would take her out and just beat her up. Lexa noticed that he was kneeling and then…

“Finn?” Clarke asked, being back from the kitchen. The man straightened, throwing something under the bed, something that hit Lexa in the face, but she didn’t say a word. She just examined this thing. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, I just… I thought that I dropped something, don’t worry.” He pretended to be calm, but he surely wasn’t. “Thank you.” He nodded his head when Clarke gave him the soda. He took a huge sip out of it, so Clarke smiled widely, looking at him.

“You’re welcome.” She shrugged. “But, why exactly you’re here?”

“I knew that you would be sad because what happened between you and this dyke…”

“Her name is Lexa.” She stated angrily, trying not to be too angry to not catch Finn’s attention. “And even though she did what she did, please, don’t insult her.”

“I’m not insulting her.” He stated, looking at Clarke with surprise. “Telling the truth is not insulting, am I right?”

“Please, Finn. She can be who she wants to, there’s no need…”

“Clarke, don’t. I know that you thought you love her, but that’s… that’s too much for now, okay? You’re here, with me, without her, she would not hurt you anymore. She’s trying to tell everybody that she’s gay, because none of the boys around would even poke her. She just needed a cock, but with her face… there’s no chance for… it.”

“What’s wrong, Finn?” Clarke’s voice couldn’t resist but to be rude. Finn didn’t notice that, just because he started to be very sleepy and behaved like he was on drugs.

“I… I don’t think I’m feeling too well…” he stated and his eyes started to close. “Could you…”

“I’ll walk you to your place, Finn.” Clarke stated, helping him to stand up. She helped him and when they were outside, she pretended that she was closing the door, then she dropped the keys on her doormat and took him out.

After several minutes Lexa rolled from under the bed, she stood up and she hid the item that Finn had thrown at her into her pocket. She left Clarke’s place, locking the door and hiding the keys into another pocket. She was ready to go and she was sure that her girlfriend with Finn couldn’t go so far.

 

*

When they finally reached the destination and unlocked the door, Finn totally passed out, when Clarke threw him on the couch. Blonde sighed when brunette sneaked into the room.

“Everything’s all right?” she asked and Clarke, instead of answering, just hugged her.

“I’m so sorry about what he had said…” she started, but Lexa shook her head and she miled soothingly, smooching Clarke’s forehead.

“Look, it’s not your fault. And, excuse me, but for now we ain’t got time for this. I love you no matter what, that’s all you need to know now.” Lexa stated. “We need to find these photos and get out of here before he would wake up.”

“How long these pills…?”

“He should be sleeping like… I don’t know, several hours. He’s the normal man, it should knock him off for some time.”

“Strong thing.”

“Not for me.” Lexa smiled boisterously and Clarke sighed, but she grabbed her hand and pulled her to Finn’s room. They started searching drawer by drawer, shelf by shelf.

“You think that he would…?”

“If he’s as stupid as his words then yes.” Clarke nodded, flicking through his stuff. Lexa was looking into his computer, trying to find anything useful. She started to doubt that she would find anything, even though Finn’s password wasn’t too hard to break. Clarke’s name was always his first preference. So was Lexa’s.

“Well, I didn’t see that coming.” She stated suddenly, when Clarke was in the middle of one of Finn’s drawer. She stopped flicking through his stuff and she approached Lexa. She looked above her shoulder and her eyes widened.

“What’s that?” she asked and Lexa actually answered her question. When Clarke heard that she whistled quietly and she sighed. “What a plot twist there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry that I didn't post it earlier, but today was my final exam and I was defending my thesis, so I hope you would understand. Fortunately, I did good and I passed, high score. This is the first part of this final phase of these events because I didn't have much time to write, for what I beg your forgiveness. Next week all would be resolved, I promise.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, and support. That means a lot to me.
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	72. The last phase pt 2

“Okay, so we’ll do it this way: you’ll print it, then erase it from his disc. To be perfectly sure that he didn’t have it in more than one copy, you format his disc.”

“Are you insane, Clarke?” Lexa’s eyes widened. “I can’t…”

“For all he did to us and for all he had said? Yes, you can.” Blonde was so firm that brunette didn’t find it interesting to even argue with her. She just did as Clarke told her to; she printed the images and then started erasing Finn’s disc. Before that she made sure she erased every one of his cloud files. When they were done, Clarke nodded and she grabbed her phone.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked and her girlfriend winked.

“I’m calling Anya and Octavia to go on a meeting.”

“What’s about Raven?”

“We need to know if there is actual reason that we can trust her.” She sighed and Lexa let her do what Clarke claimed as right.

“But…didn’t it be better when we actually confront her?” she asked when her girlfriend finished. Clarke shook her head.

“We need to know how.”

 

*

“Why were you at Finn’s?” Anya asked when they gathered around the table in Woods’ house. Lexa and Clarke told the story and Octavia thought it was actually fun.

“You two are the best team I have ever seen.” She giggled, but Anya snorted.

“You should see me and Clarke teaming up.” She stated. “But that’s not the point. Lexa, you really… gave him your drugs?”

“Nah, technically I didn’t.” Lexa shrugged.

“I did.” Clarke smiled boisterously. “And I regret nothing.”

“So what did you find?” Octavia asked curiously, glancing at Lexa and at Clarke. “I can assume that you found something interesting.”

“Of course.” Clarke nodded and Lexa let her lead the story. “We found these…” she put the prints on the table.

“…and this.” Lexa took out the small item that Finn threw at her under the bed. “Although it wasn’t at Finn’s, it was at Clarke’s when I was lying under her bed.”

“What’s that?” Clarke curiously wanted to touch it, but in that moment Anya stopped her when she noticed that she was reaching out her hand. Elder Woods’ glanced at her sister.

“Is that…?”

“A bug.” Both, Octavia and Lexa, said it simultaneously.

“A bu…? WHAT?!” Clarke was shocked. “Like… where did you find that?!”

“Under your bed. When you were gone to kitchen for making a drink, Finn nearly found me. When you surprised him on the floor, he was probably looking for good place to set this shit. And, when you came back, thanks goddess, you scared him, so he tried to take a chance by throwing it under your bed. It hit me in the face, so I grabbed it and took with me, so I can examine it later. Under your bed wasn’t the best place to see what was is, just because it was dark. But I suspected what was that.” Lexa explained and Clarke leaned on her chair with unbelief on her face.

“I can’t believe.” She whispered. “But… why…?”

“He probably wanted to know if you still have a contact with me or, more probably, if I am not bothering you.” Brunette sighed, looking at her and her eyes were saying her sorry. Clarke shook her head and she stood up and then approached Lexa and sat on her knees. Brunette hugged her, kissing Clarke’s cheek as she leaned towards her. “But fear not, he wouldn’t be able to.”

“I can’t believe he is such an asshole.” Anya snorted and Octavia laughed. Her laugh was short, strong and sarcastic.

“He is more than that.” She stated, glancing at her. “But that’s out of discussion. The point is — what are we going to do?”

“The point is — what are these?” Clarke pointed at the prints and glanced at Lexa, but, before she could say anything, strange thing happen. Anya blushed and she seemed to be really, really embarrassed. “You know something about that?” blonde asked, perfectly reading her body language. Anya nodded with sigh.

“These are her blueprints.” She stated, not looking at anyone, but her hand pointed Lexa.

“What?” Clarke glanced at her girlfriend, so did Octavia.

“I didn’t tell you, because I wasn’t sure if it would work, but… you know. I lost my place in the race as a driver, just because I was beaten up and then there were some other issues, that’s not important. But I wanted to be a part of the team not only by driving this car, I wanted to help building it. These blueprints are a project of an engine that could pass the tests, but it could be a lot more powerful than the one we’re using now. It has better acceleration and lower mass, also, the technology I used here was…”

“Please, we don’t know what you are talking about, we’re not as smart as you.” Anya groaned and Lexa cleared her throat.

“Right, I didn’t expect you to understand me, sorry.” She sighed. Clarke was quite disappointed, because she actually wanted to know more, but she was sure that it will be time to ask about that later. “The point is, anyway, that if this project turns out to be good, they could qualify me on a project of earlier doctoral dissertation. And when I found that on Finn’s hard disc…”

“He wanted to… steal your work?” Clarke asked and Lexa shrugged.

“I’m not sure, but I can see that he was trying to change some variables here and there…” brunette glanced at the blueprints and grabbed a pen. She marked some spots. “He wanted to calculate the best variation of volume and he tried to make this engine work on… diesel? Like, seriously?” Lexa raised her eyebrow. “He should rebuild some parts if…”

“Erm… hey, you nerd, remember, that he did steal that from you? Why are you…?” Anya was concerned, but Lexa shook her head and scratched some of her own notes. She wrote some other numbers and nobody exactly knew why and for what. And what was that. A moment later she raised her head.

“I don’t know what he wanted to do with these, but he would fail. In the race there is a rule that says that every vehicle has to run on gasoline, diesel’s engines are not in the category.” She stated and everyone nodded. “Anyway, sorry for that, but… you know.”

“Okay, okay, not a harm.” Octavia nodded. She really liked this nerd who was so devoted to her thing. Even if she found out that it was stolen and… rewritten? “I think that he wanted to rewrite it a little, just because he knew that they probably can see that it was your project…”

“The problem is that nobody knew what my project contained.” Lexa sighed.

“What?” Anya glanced at her unbelievingly. “How is that?”

“You know… I was talking about that with Wick and then with professor Green. They said to me that I should, at least, try to develop a blueprint. If I succeed, then they will take a look and then we would be able to say if it’s worth anything.”

“So how did they come up with the early doctoral dissertation thing, huh?” Clarke glanced at Lexa and brunette’s emerald eyes glanced at her with sparks in them.

“They stated that my idea, if it would be functioning, should qualify, but they aren’t sure and they had to see this.”

“So you’re…”

“Yes. If Finn would take this to them, they will be probably half okay with that, because he made some tremendous mistakes. Okay, he’s not full–time engineer, but…”

“But it’s not his project, so if you please go to the professor and give it to them as soon as it’s possible, okay?” Anya asked. “We didn’t want you to lose your chance just because of him.”

“Anya, it’s not finished.” Lexa sighed. “But I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Just please.” Anya glanced at her and Lexa sighed once again.

“Okay, I’ll work on it in my free time and then I will present it to professor Green and Wick. But please, now we have other problem.”

“Why did Finn have this.” Clarke nodded.

“This actually could be my fault…” Anya whispered and everyone’s head turned to her.

“What?” Octavia asked unbelievingly, trying to understand what happened.

“I… I was talking with Raven and, you know, I had found Lexa’s notebook with all that sketches and so on… I didn’t know what was that, so I just assumed that it was one of your homework, but I was actually curious, for one time, what it was all about, because it seemed harsh and I sent her some photos…”

“You sent photos of my project to your girlfriend who is also an engineer. Are you completely fucked up?” Lexa snapped, throwing bolts from her eyes. “I can’t…”

“But she told me that this isn’t your homework or anything that you were recently working on, so she don’t know what was that. And then the topic was out.”

“She sent it forward to Finn?” Clarke asked, but Lexa shook her head.

“I don’t think so. Raven is an engineer, I suppose that she knows better than him what to do with this.” Lexa stated, trying to figure out a solution.

“Maybe, if he didn’t hesitate on throwing a bug in Clarke’s bedroom…”

“You suggest that Raven’s phone…?”

“Exactly.” Octavia nodded, looking at Anya. “I can’t be sure, but… you know.”

“There is only one way to know. We have to confront Raven.” Clarke stated. “And now we know how.” She smiled to Lexa and she pulled her phone out.

 

*

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re such a smartass that you can be qualified to earlier doctoral dissertation?” Clarke asked, going out on the porch, with can of soda, joining Lexa who were leaning her forearms onto the railing. Anya and Octavia were inside, talking about something and they were all waiting for Raven to come, but there was some time before that, because she was doing something important and she couldn’t appear right away.

“I’ve already said it, Clarke, I wasn’t sure if it would work.” She sighed, playing with the pen she was writing some time ago. “I was just hoping that I will be able to work on it for some time and… then maybe give it to them. I don’t want to be mocked, I just wanted this engine to be improved.”

“You are unbelievable, you know?” blonde leaned her back to the railing and she smiled, swirling the liquid in her can. “I… I would never thought that you’re so great.”

“Because I’m not.” Lexa smiled, shrugging. “Look, maybe I have chances to be a doctor before I’ll turn 25, but… It’s not the point. I don’t do that because I want to be better than others. I do that because I like it. The other profits are just… let’s say »collateral damage«”

“That’s all of you. You get the chance to be a doctor and you name it as »collateral damage« because all you want is to just build a good engine. Where were you all my life?” Clarke asked, but Lexa didn’t answer and she just kept playing with her ballpen. “And that’s what’s making you different than Finn and the others.” Clarke smiled too. “And that you don’t even want to talk about it, because you’re blushing so hard.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa smiled, turning her head to Clarke.

“You’re cute when you do.” Blonde bumped their foreheads and she smiled even wider. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks. And… I’m so proud of you. That you did this. That you… you know.”

“I want a revenge on him, I want him to call back everything he had said about you. I want to… I want to fucking punch him.”

“There’s no need, Clarke. He is not even worth it.” Lexa sighed, closing her eyes. “I just wonder if there were really Raven’s photos on his hard disc or it was just a cover for this whole thing.”

“As we consider her strange behavior? I doubt that there were any of her pictures… oh, maybe some nudes that she send him back to the times when they were together. Nothing more, I suppose.” Clarke shrugged, turning around and grabbing Lexa’s hands. Cans were on the railing, standing still, out of their reach. Lexa and Clarke’s fingers intertwined and they looked each other in the eye. “I love you. No matter what happens. And I…”

“Don’t need to say you’re sorry because of him, okay? Please, don’t.” Lexa smiled sadly. “That’s not your fault that he thinks that he’s better than anyone who is not heterosexual.” She sighed. “I love you too.”

“I didn’t want you to think that was any pleasure to me. Contact with him was nothing but pain in the ass.” She stated. “I hate him and I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I want you, only you.”

“So do I.” Lexa nodded and then smiled more happily. Their lips met and warm kiss was shared.

“Hey, lovers, I heard that there’s something that you want to talk to me about?” they heard Raven’s voice and they lips parted ways. Both of them, Clarke and Lexa glanced at her and nodded.

“Come in.” Lexa invited her.

 

*

“So, wait, you’re saying that he had THESE…” Raven lifted blueprints to show them to everybody. “…on his own hard disc?”

“And he tried to rewrite that at some point.” Clarke nodded.

“You suspect me to give them to him?” latina leaned back on her chair and she glanced at the people who were observing her. She sighed, covered her eyes with her hand and she groaned hardly. “I’m so sorry, guys.”

“Sorry about what? About giving it?” Anya asked. “Look, I just asked you if that was your homework and all you did with that was sending it to this bastard…”

“I didn’t send it to anybody, An!” Raven Glanced at her and everybody looked at her with surprise. Latina’s voice was firm, she was sure about what she was talking about. Either she was so good actress or she had to tell them the truth.

“What?” Clarke was confused.

“Look, there were my photos on his hard disc, but I didn’t know anything about these blueprints. I have nothing to do with that.” She stated, hitting the table with her fist. “Everything I did was because I didn’t want anybody to see my photos, okay? I… I didn’t expect him to do something like that.”

“Then how you explain that he has these blueprints on his hard disc?” blonde asked.

“I don’t know, but I didn’t send them to him. You have to believe me.” Latina seemed to be desperate, but it was Octavia who rescued her with her poor situation.

“She tells the truth.” She stated and everyone, Raven included, glanced at her with surprise. Only Lexa glanced without this expression. “I know her a while, Clarke, you too. You know what Raven is like when she lies. And, also, what is the point in lying to us now?” she asked and Clarke and Anya nodded.

“But…” Anya started. She didn’t have a chance to say anything else, because Lexa decided to interrupt.

“She sent the photos to you by messenger?” she asked and Raven nodded. “Does your phone save the files automatically when it receives them?”

“I suppose so.” She nodded again. Lexa sighed.

“Have you ever left your phone near him while meeting? Like, you know, went to the toilet and left this shit?”

“It happened once… when I was at his place.” Latina hesitated. “But…?”

“Wait a sec.” Lexa sighed once again and then she just stood up, she ran upstairs and she was back with her laptop and some wires. “Gimme your phone, please.” She reached out her hand to Raven and latina was confused for a while. Finally she nodded because she knew that Lexa didn’t want to harm her. She handed the phone and all of them were waiting, observing young engineer in work.

“You know hacking?” Octavia’s eyes widened, but Lexa shook her head.

“I know a few tricks, I was self–learning, just because I like to.” She smiled, opening a few files in her laptop. “But I’m not as good as others are. Not yet.”

“Please, don’t get caught.” Anya groaned, when Lexa started clicking on the keyboard, opening the console and she started to look for something. There was a complete silence around when she was working.

“A–HA!” Lexa snorted finally. “Gotcha!”

“What?” Raven asked.

“I don’t know for how long you had been absent in the room, but that was sufficient enough for him to just install some spy software on your phone. He had all your photos and things that you had saved on your phone on his computer. Messenger is saving files on your disc, so… here we are, we had found the guilty.” She stated.

“Can you get rid of it?” Raven asked with concern and Lexa nodded, clicking again. After two minutes she was done. “That’s it?”

“We were at his place, you know, a while ago when we had found these…” she pointed the blueprints. “…and I burned down all his system. Like, I formatted it so hard, that he would have a problem with taking it back. And, when he will think he succeeded, which would be great illusion, I bet he would want to see what’s new in your phone.”

“And what’s then? Empty file?” Clarke asked, but Lexa smirked.

“Better. A virus.” She stated and all of them groaned.

“When will we know?” Anya glanced at her sister with some dose of suspicion.

“He has some friends that know hacking… so it would be possible that it will be... tomorrow.”

“You’re sure that they wouldn’t be able to fix that? You said that you’re not as good as them.” Octavia asked, trying to understand what just happened.

“No, they wouldn’t. Even if they will fuse their abilities.”

“How do you know?” Raven raised her eyebrows.

“Because they couldn’t do that when I did it for the first time.” She smiled widely and she closed her laptop. “And now… excuse me, I have to work on this for a while, fix the shit that Finn made here and then I will have to send it to professor Green.” She stood up, smooched Clarke on the cheek and she disappeared upstairs, shutting the door of her room.

“Well, that was scary.” Anya said, still surprised.

“I wonder how many things we don’t know about her.” Octavia nodded.

“I wonder how many things we will never know about her.” Clarke stated.

“How it’s possible that she’s so emotionless about what she just did?” Raven asked, but nobody said a word.

Everybody knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, I promised a long chapter and there it is! So, I hope you liked it! :)
> 
> I am now going on the vacation and it might turn out that I'm not capable of posting new chapters, so... If I wouldn't, I'll be back about the 30th of July and next chapter will be posted for sure on 3rd August. I hope that you won't kill me, but I'll try to make everything just to be sure that you will not suffer from a lack of this story for too long. I really hope that it doesn't bother you. :)
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments you've left! I'm so glad you're here!
> 
> Take care and until next time!


	73. A while

„Hey, babe, am I interrupting?” Clarke asked, when she heard allowance from behind Lexa's door. She shut it behnd her and she took one shy step.

„Not at all, come one in, I'll be done in a minute.” brunette stated, making final corrections on her blueprints.

Blonde nodded, even though Lexa wasn't able to see her, and she sat on brunette's bed. Her blue eyes were carefully observing every move that Lexa did, she was watching, totally in awe, as her girlfriend was drawing the lines, filling some scales, as she was in her world, doing something she loved so much. After all, Lexa sighed, gave a glance on finished work and then she stood up, scanned all the files and sent it to her professor, of course with proper message. And, when everything was set and done, she turned around on her revolving chair and she glanced at Clarke.

„Something's wrong?” she asked, noticing, that blonde was observing her. „Did I...?”

„No, nothing.” she shook her head. „I just... I just thought that I would visit you here, because... you know, Octavia was out some time ago, so Raven and Anya deciced to talk to each other and I think that they finally hear each other out, so...”

„There's no need to finish this story.” Lexa sighed, sitting next to her on the bed. „I'm glad that you decided to come here, not to go home.”

„And why would I want to go home?” Clarke raised her eyebrow, but Lexa smiled sadly.

„You know, people are always thinking that if I am doing something, that actually means that nobody can be around or so. The truth is, I don't want anybody around because they aren't you.” she smirked and approached a little, but blonde didn't really care.

„Tell me about this work, please.” she stated finally and Lexa furrowed her eyebrows.

„Which one?” she asked, perfectly recognizing that her girlfriend could actually have something else on mind. And she was right.

„About that hacking. What did you mean by »when I did it last time«?” blonde was concerned, also a little bit surprised. But she was also curious and she wanted to know what that was all about.

„Nothing special.” Lexa shrugged. „I just... you know, that's like old times for me?” she pensieved, but she sighed and decided to continue. She was aware that Clarke acually deserved that. „You know, Costia and her people. They wanted to just smear me, Costia had, out of nowhere, a bunch of intel that I didn't even know that existed. And it was about me. I knew that she had my files from hospitals I was in and I was sure that... you know. That I had to do something to stop her.”

„You're quite calm as you're speaking about that...” Clarke was surprised, but she could actually understand it.

„Because there's no need to be nervous about that now. I was then. I just did what I did today. I hacked their accounts. I erased their memory, their discs, their clouds. And then I set the viruses that burned down again the ashes of their systems. And I heard that nobody could cope with that. So I am quite sure that this time it will be no different.”

„You think? How much time passed?”

„Not enough to start worrying about my methods being too old for new technology, Clarke.” she smiled and blonde nodded. She could believe that. She wanted to believe that.

„So, how's your project?”

„Safe and sound, sent to professor Green. I'm waiting for him to reply, but that's just a matter of time. The most important thing is that this blueprints, with my name on it, finally made their way to his desk.” Lexa sighed and she leaned down on her bed. „You know, I feel... free. Like I've done something that released my shoulders of huge burden. I can't explain that, but...”

„There's no need to explain that, Lexa.” Clarke smiled and she leaned next to her girlfriend. „I understand you.”

Their fingers found each other and they intertwined. Both of them, Clarke and Lexa, were looking at the ceiling when they heard something breaking on the lower floor.

„Should we...?” Clarke started, but Lexa shook her head, rising her index finger and she moved it when they heard loud groan and then, a shout.

„Definitely not.” she stated calmly. „They're having sex down there. If you want to stay pure, I would highly reccomend you to stay here and not even try to think about them.”

„How can you be so calm when your sister and my friend are doing such things a few meters further from us?” Clarke was totally confused, but Lexa shrugged, she leaned on her forearm and she approached her girlfriend.

„Maybe because I have better things to do and better company to take care of?” she smirked, when her another hand cupped Clarke's cheek. Her thumb was gently carressing her skin, finally reaching blonde's lips. „Maybe because I don't give a fuck about what these two are doing, as long as they wouldn't come up with some shitty idea to have sex here, in front of us.”

„That's kinky.”

„Clarke.” Lexa giggled, but she didn't avert her gaze. Her emerald eyes caught the gaze of the blue ones and they shared the smile.

„Look, I'm just... you know, I am not really used to you in this skin.” she sighed and Lexa raised her eyebrow. Clarke, while seeing this, decided to explain. „You know, when I met you for the first time... you were so shy that I didn't even know who you were. And now... after all this time... you're quite confident. Of course, not for everyone, but...”

„That's because you helped me to be better person. You showed me how to be better, less shy, because by your side I feel safe. I know that whatever happens, I will be able to see you, to touch you. My panic attacs are not so horrible since I know you. And, I can tell with hand on my heart, that since we're together... I am the happiest person alive.” Lexa smiled and Clarke blushed.

„Flatterer.” she smiled, when they faces were approaching.

„I'm trying.” brunette smiled too, and then their lips met.

They sank in the kiss, closing their eyes, wanting to feel everything more. When they shut down one sense, the rest of them sharpened.

Their bodies approached unconsciously, they wanted to feel each other's warmth. Lexa's hand was caressing Clarke's neck and her tongue was looking for blonde's.

Their breaths became heavier, their movements more desperate. Clarke sat on Lexa's lap and brunette automatically sat, just to be closer to her girlfriend. Their hands started looking for something that was invisible. They started looking for each other in more than usual way.

„Hey, you're sure you want that? That you can...?” Clarke broke the kiss, trying to make sure that nothing would stand between them.

„I don't know.” Lexa's voice was quiet, her breath was heavy, same as Clarke's. But she wanted to be sincere wit blonde. „I...”

„If you don't want to, just tell me.” Clarke's warm breath caressed brunette's face and she shut her eyes, trying to think more rationally than because of the moment. Blonde was aware that this could have been too early for Lexa, so she wanted her to be comfortable. As much as it was possible. She didn't want to push her, she wanted her to be happy.

„I... I don't know if I should.” she whispered, opening her eyes. Emerald clashed with blue and they both smiled. They were breathing so heavily, that their lungs could barely cope with that. And they could feel dizziness because of the tension of the moment.

„I love you, Lexa.” Clarke decided to say something that was just simply and full of content. The truth sometimes was the best medicament.

They heard loud shout that came out of Raven's mouth. Both of them, Lexa and Clarke, blushed a little, even though they didn't hear the sound in its full loudness. Just because they were mesmerized by their own ambience that was made in Lexa's bedroom.

„I love you too. And I do trust you, Clarke.” she stated finally, looking into her girlfriend's eyes. „We should try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm back. This chapter is more like filler, but I thought that something like that could actually be nice. Sorry that it's not long, but I'm recently going through some shit. But, no excuses!
> 
> Thanks to all of you for waiting for me. Also, thank you for all kudos and comments. I appreciate that. :)
> 
> Take care, until Friday! :)


	74. Private parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't do smut, I'm not really good in it. But I tried. Sorry. XD

For one moment all stopped. Lexa stood up and she decided to lock the door just in case and turn off the light.

"You feel safer?" Clarke asked quietly yet worringly and brunette nodded. Blonde could see some movement in the darkness that descended, but she was okay with that. Anything for her girlfriend.

She also stood up and approached to Lexa, trying to completely ignore not really quiet sounds from the floor under them. Raven and Anya were having really good time, but Lexa just turned on the stereo, letting the music cover porn sounds that were hearable and unbearable, unbelievingly destroing the ambience. Soft sound of "The Siege" by East of Eli surrounded the room and Clarke felt the warmth of Lexa's body.

She cupped blonde's cheek and then she felt Clarke's doing the same. She smiled, approaching a little, feeling blonde's fingers slightly caressing her lips, but a moment after that movement they let go, making place for Clarke's lips to met Lexa's.

Brunette's hand stopped on blonde's scruff and Lexa enclosed her with her arms and pulled Clarke closer. She smiled in blonde's mouth, closing her eyes.

Their tongues met slowly and calmly, subtly looking for their borderlines, marking them with gentle moves. Clarke bit Lexa's lower lip, but she did that gently and sensitively, arousing Lexa even more. Brunette felt a jolt of lust running through her spine, starting in her head, ending in the lower parts of her back. She tried to control her breath, butbshe couldn't really do it. They bumped into the desk, but they totally ignored that. Clarke pulled Lexa closer, tasting sweet lips of her lover. They were both tasting the moment which scent was in the air smelling like magnetism.

Lexa couldn't help, but sink into this moment. Her hands, unknowingly, slipped underneath Clarke's T-shirt, but blonde didn't mind. Her fingertips got lost on Lexa's shoulders, gently slipping behind the flanel crisscrossed shirt, forcing her owner to let go of Clarke's waist.  
Shirt went down, but Lexa didn't give up on kissing, neither did Clarke.

"I'm yours." Lexa whispered, feeling strangely i that moment. She didn't know what to think, but even if she was hesitating, she knew that she trusted Clarke. That her girlfriend would not do anything that she wouldn't want her to. She felt safe.

"I'm glad to hear that." Clarke smiled into brunette's lips and she caught her hand, leading it back to where it was before it was forced to back off. Lexa slipped her second hand there as well.

She started to gently kiss and stingy bite her partner and Clarke made her a space, deflecting her neck. Lexa smelled her marvellous scent, she was dazed by it so hard that she knew that she would do anything for Clarke. She could hear heavy breathing mixed with quiet moaning. Warm air straight outta Clarke's mouth arrived and entoured her ear and Lexa shivered. It didn't take so long dor brunette to help blonde get released from the T-shirt she was wearing. She couldn't see her partner, but she can feel her warm skin, her shivering shoulders, her silhouette in shape of hourglass.

 _Mine_ she thought. _She's my girlfriend_.

She knew that Clarke was hers. That blonde was so important to her, they were so close. Lexa was aware that she shared with her the most serious emotional connection than she shared with anybody else ever. She was so proud that she was with her.

She felt slight tingling that told her that Clarke' hands were underneath her T-shirt. She retur ed the favor and she took off Lexa's T-shirt in the dame way that brunette took hers. But she was more gently and caring, because she stil didn't know if that was all okay. She didn't want to make any false move. Not when Lexa was showing her how much she trusted her.

The darkness wasn't so dark anymore. Maybe they couldn't see each other completely, they were able to see each other eyes. Lexa pushed aside with gently move Clarke's hair. They were able to look rach other in the eye. They both smiled.

Clarke's fingers were wandering somewhere around Lexa's belt. She coped with that, but Lexa was just watching her. Clarke was also observing her partner. She was so happy that they were at this point, together, so intimate, so strongly attached to each other. After all they have been through... they persisted. And they were together no matter what were the odds.

Either one of them couldn't resist; they unzipped each other's trousers and after a while they were standing in front of each other, smiling, in nothing but underwear, hust looking at each other, trying to find a way in the darkness. They were just looking at each other, mindlessly trying to see every detail of the body of their loved one. Clarke was wondering what Lexa was seeing in her, but she knew exactly what she was seeing in brunette. First of all: a lot of emotions. Love. Passion. Marvellous soul, great character. And, after that, perfect body and silhouette.  
Lexa didn't think about what Clarke was seeing in her, she was wondering about that all time. In that moment ot was a time to enjoy what she had, love of her live, the love that was leading to the most primal form of that that had ever existed. She was somehow curious about that, but also nervous. But she wasn't afraid at all.

Clarke's fingers touched her collarbone, they slipped a little, went down and they slightly pulled the border of her bra, but then they just carried on the journey to the unknown. Lexa caressed Clarke's cheek and then her hands caressed her back, gently trying to find a path on her back, marking it with her fingernails. Clarke closed her eyes and she smiled.

Lexa had finally found Clarke's hooks and eyes and she manipulated them with skill. Blonde was released from her bra and Lexa helped it slip out of her shoulders. She released round and quite pale, beautiful breasts. She could tell that Clarke was surely turned on. She pulled Lexa closer and when brunette was trying not to pass out because of Clarke's perfect scent, she opened her hook and eye and helped her bra fly away.

Their lips found each other again. Lexa felt Clarke's smile in her mouth, she did the same. Blonde's touch was gentle, sensitive and very careful. Soothing, yet full of certainty. Brunette could feel warmth of her lover's body and the hard surface of her nipples on her own breasts.

And then again there was a jolt going through them, leaving nothing but lust in their bodies. They stopped kissing, but their faces remained very close to each other. They crossed their breaths, which were slipping through their ajared lips. They were deep, but somehow calm. Both of them, Lexa and Clarke, could feel the warmth of their lover. Both of them felt the embrace of desire that was in the air.

Lexa's heart pounded faster when Clarke took her hand and took it slowly to her breast. She kissed brunette with smile, but the kiss was short, yet very suggestive. Lexa sensed Clarke's round shape, very fondly, she squeezed it gently and she made her lover moan.

Blonde kissed brunette's neck, she changed the direction to the collarbone, then she was going lower and lower... and finally Lexa shivered when she felt Clarke's tongue on her breast. Her teeth, even though strong, gently rub her nipple and that is something that made Lexa go nearly extatic. She wanted to grab Clarke, pull her as close as it's possible and then never let her go again.

Blonde started to suck one place above Lexa's breast and she was aware that Clarke was making a hickey, but that was okay. Finally, Clarke's lips did their job, her fingers gently rubbed nipple of her second breast.

"Are you ready?" She asked quietly yet in the cocky manner and Lexa shivered, but remained silent for a while. "It's okay if you say no..."

Lexa shook her head and put her finger on Clarke's lips.

"Only if you are." She whispered to Clarke's ear and made her shiver. Brunette licked gently blonde's ear and she left her shivering even more. They both could sense that the air in the room was hot. Too hot.

Lexa decided to take a lead, even though Clarke wasn't really aware of that. She grabbed her gently in the waist, kissing her neck. She made two steps and Clarke, whether she liked it or not, followed. They spotted the bed, so Lexa gently pulled Clarke onto it. She started going down on her, kissing her stomach. She marked a way down with her lips and her teeth, then she caught a line of Clarke's pants and she pulled it a bit. She found the right spot and she thought that she should just return the favor about the hickey.

And so she did.

"If you want... you can go lower..." brunette heard a plead in Clarke's voice and so her hand travelled down her underwear. How she could not want to?

She lifted herself up and she looked Clarke in the eye, even though finding blonde's gaze wasn't that easy. She kissed her breasts, then her neck. Her fingers were sailing through her body, taking a breath between Clarke's legs. She pulled them gently against her body and rubbed, causing a desperate moan.

Clarke's hands unwillingly squeezed Lexa's ass. Brunette smiled when her wandering hands slipped behind Clarke's pants and her lover lifted her hips, giving a permission to take off the last part of clothes that she had on her. Lexa's hand was wandering on blonde's body, she could feel her warmth and that she was turned on so much. One of her fingers slipped into her, then the other one joined. She felt how Clarke was warm and ready.

She took a deep breath, noticing that the scent was even more intensive than previously. Clarke wanted do something, but Lexa didn't allow her to. Her tongue marked a way to Clarke's interior and she plunged into her, hearing a loud and precious moan. She also felt blonde's hand into her hair, but the touch was gentle and shy. She didn't say anything. She smiled when she also felt that Clarke's knees were spreading.

She started to mark the lust with wide and long licks, she didn't want to bore her lover. The music wasn't loud enough to cover the shouts from outside, so they heard Raven shouting something about Anya's unbelievable dick.

"Dick?" Clarke's voice was struggling to even come out of her throat. "Anya doesn't have a dick..."

"Eeeah, at he ad a swapon. Eeenbo on". Lexa said what made Clarke moan even louder. Blonde covered her mouth, but Lexa shook her head and she reached out her hand to took the cover out.

"Moan, ease. Fo e." She begged and she finished her job. Clarke did what she was asked for. She raised her hips with sharp strike and she moaned once again. Lexa leaned towards, her weight on her fists and she smiled, trying to catch Clarke's gaze.  
"You can do it. It's kinda turning me on, you know?" She whispered with the smile on her face. Clarke nodded and her hand started to look for a way past Lexa's hips and she touched the tissue of Lexa's pants.

"I can see that." She whispered with dreamy smile. Brunette, reacting on blonde's touch, felt some kind of tension, but it was pleasant. Her lips opened a little. Clarke moved her fingers a little, still looking at Lexa's face.  
"May I...?" She asked, but brunette didn't respond. All she did was to nod with her eyes partially closed. Next thing she felt was her girlfriend's hands taking off her pants.  
She had never felt naked before. Not like this. She was... turned on. She actually liked it.  
"Everything's okay?" Clarke asked once again. "You know, if..."

"Oh, shut up and do it already." Lexa groaned and she leaned towards her lover and she kissed her hard while blonde's fingers moved inside her.

Clarke could feel that Lexa felt something when her kiss stopped being so strong and her breath became faster. Also, her knees spreaded more, and Clarke smiled. Her fingers were moving firmly, yet slowly and gently. She rolled Lexa to her back to have more space. She sat on her gently, worrying about anything that could remind Lexa of her past, but brunette didn't think about what was then. All she had was there and then. Clarke smiled to her and she leaned towards Lexa, still inside her, still making her moan. Their breasts met, Clarke moved her fingers and Lexa entoured her with her legs, but she still left her space for doing things that she was doing.

Their lips found each other again. Lexa's body was going up and down guided by lust and love that she was feeling. She pulled Clarke closer, she lifted her hips and they met Clarke's. She felt her thumb that finally found what she had found eaelier with her tongue. Lexa deflected her head, closing her eyes.

They were one at the moment. Everything exploded, love, desire, will to live. There were no Lexa and Clarke at the time, there were one human being, fused. They wanted to be together, they wanted to share every moment they lived.

"Clarke... I love you" Lexa said eventually, kissing smiling lips of Clarke.

"I love you too, love." Blonde answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Times are tough for me, because, after two andyears a half year of being together my fiancée broke up with me. That was quite a hit and I am wasted, yet I can find happiness in writing for you and writing about Clexa that actually is being happy together. I hope that you'll stay with them till the end and then I will probably post some another Clexa work. :)
> 
> Thank you for being here, for kudos, for comments. For support. If you'll see some mistakes here, please, let me know. I love you as readers, you're amazing.
> 
> Take care, until next Friday.


	75. Date and dare

„You're really bad at this.” Lexa giggled, when Clarke was trying to make her braids. Trying was a good verb for this, because she technically knew how to do this, but she had not had any experience with this. Lexa was chuckling all the time when Clarke was working with her hair.

„Don't you dare judging me.” Clarke smiled. „I am doing this for the first time in my entire life.”

„I am aware.” Lexa snorted with laughter. „Ouch, I can feel that, Clarke.”

„Okay, that's it, you can see the effect.” she stated and allowed Lexa to look in the mirror. Brunette checked out her hairstyle and she nodded with appreciation.

„It's quite good, wow, Clarke, I didn't know that you're such a talented person!” she smiled widely, turning around and facing Clarke. She stole a kiss and both of them smiled.

„I can do a lot of things.” blonde winked and Lexa giggled.

„Oh, I can tell, sweetie. I saw this yesterday... or more like I felt it.” she blushed and Clarke did the same. „What do you want to do today?”

„Oh, I don't really know, maybe... I am willing to take you out.”

„What?” Lexa was quite surprised. „What are yout alking about? I...”

„We're going on karaoke. With Anya and Raven, that was meant to be a surprise, but I know that you don't like surprises and you're feeling quite uncomfortable among people if you're not informed about that earlier, so...”

„I hate you sometimes, Clarke.” she sighed, but she galnced at her girlfriend and then she just smiled. „Okay, so be it.”

„YAS!” Clarke hugged her so tightly that Lexa actually couldn't breathe for a long moment. „I'm so glad that you agreed on going with us.”

„Have refusing been ever on the table?” she asked, lifting her eyebrow, but Clarke shook her head slowly and Lexa sighed, nodding. „I supposed so.”

„But if...”

„Shhh, don't, Clarke.” Lexa smiled and she put her finger on her lips. „I just love you. I will go through fire and water for you.”

„But...”

„SHHH. Including going out for karaoke.” Lexa smiled. „So... what time?”

„We can firstly eat something.” Clarke smiled and brunette nodded. She took Clarke by the hand and they went down, heading the kitchen.

  
„You want something special or...?” Lexa asked when she was in the middle of making a tea.

„Whatever you will give me, I'll take it without a doubt.”

„You're too bad at it.” brunette laughed and she opened the fridge. „I would totally fall for you if I wasn't already in love.”

„I'm glad to hear it.” Clarke smiled. „Because I thought exactly the same thing.”

Lexa didn't blush and Clarke assumed that she had already had the skill to hide blush, and that was quite embarrassing, because blonde couldn't. But still, she was so madly in love with Lexa that she didn't mind then.

Brunette took out of the fridge some eggs and milk and then she collected flour and she started to make pancakes. Clarke was observing her with wide eyes, trying to keep the pace of Lexa's movements, but brunette was doing all so fast that Clarke started to suspect that her girlfriend was once a chef.

„No, I wasn't.” Lexa smiled, talking more to herself than to Clarke, but either way, blonde glanced at her with surprised look on her face.

„Pardon?” she asked and brunette giggled, taking another pancake out of the frying pan.

„You probably thought that I was once a chef, because of my enormous and amazing kitchen skills. I just try to correct the mistake. I wasn't.”

„But how...?”

„Clarke, I know you for a while and for what I know... I am aware that you're always overestimating me. That's weird and quite embarrassing, just because I know that I am not that good as you think I am, but also it's hard not to notice that it's quite kind of you to think that way about me, honey.” she stated and Clarke blushed so hard that the red colour of her blush was even on her cleavage and ears.

„How it is even possible for a single person to know me that well?” she asked and she tried to reduce the intensivity of red on her face, but she failed hardly.

„I just love you, Clarke.” Lexa smiled. „I wanted to know about you all the things that you wanted to share with me, even if it wasn't a lot. You don't really like talking about you, am I right?” she asked and blonde nodded shyly. „Look. I tried to find any information among all the stuff you're telling me. Anything when we're spending time together, anything that will actually help me to get to know you more. None of relationship I know lasted because both sides didn't know shit about each other, sweetheart.”

„That's quite understandable.” Clarke nodded and she smiled when she noticed that Lexa finished frying pancakes and now she was preparing the filling. After several minutes she had a plate of rolled pancakes with jam and cottage cheese and the hot tea standing right in front of her.

„Jesus fucking Christ, Lexa, I want to spend every morning with you.” she stated with mouth full of food. „This is amazing.”

„I'm glad you like it.” Lexa nodded and she sipped from her mug.

„Like? You kidding. I love it.” she rolled her eyes and finished her breakfast.

„Hey, assholes, am I smelling pancakes?” they heard a loud voice from above and they both recognized the voice of Raven. Clarke sighed.

„So our making out session in kitchen is delayed then?” she said sadly, but Lexa only smirked.

  
*

  
„I don't want to go there, An.” Lexa stated when they were sitting by the table in the Mount Weather Café. She pointed at the scene and she was clear that she didn't want to sing that night.

„Why?”

„I am not the one to sing tonight.” she sighed. „You know, I am aware that you all wanted me to, but... I am not sure that I will cope with that.”

„You'll do just fine.” Anya smiled and she pointed at the list of possible songs to play. „I Can find you at least six or seven good songs to perform.”

„For fuck's sake, An, no.” Lexa groaned, praying for Clarke and Raven to get the hell back. She didn't want to be alone with her sister, just because the elder one had crazy ideas. But, as bad as it sounded, Raven and Clarke could have had even worse ideas.

„But you're the only one among us that actually can sing.” Anya groaned and Lexa shook her head.

„Apparently you don't know shit about my girlfriend.” she stated. „The fact that your girlfriend couldn't sing and you when you're opening your mouth, are worse than a banshee in the worst of nightmares, is just a confirmation.”

„That has nothing to do with me or Raven.” Anya snorted. „You don't want to sing, because you can't beat your fear.”

„What fear are you exactly talking about?” Lexa crossed her arms and glanced at her sister, destroying all her plans of attempt to talk Lexa into singing. She sighed.

„The fear of public performing.” she stated. „You just can't sing.”

„I won't get caught in your sick psychological games, Woods.” She squinted her eyes and Anya rolled hers. She didn't know what to say. She had been busted.

„Meh, I hate you.” she stated firmly, because she was just sure that she actually lost that battle.

„If I sing... that will be because I will sing for Clarke. Not becase you forced me to do it, you hear me?” she asked, squinting her eyes even more and she caught the list of songs. Anya smiled.

„Of course, boss.” she stated and she leaned on the table. „Anyway, how's things with Finn?”

„I don't really know, I had to do other things yesterday.” Lexa kept poker face, so Anya couldn't tell a thing if there was anything between her sister and her sister's girlfriend.

„Yeah, so had I.” Anya stated and Lexa smirked. That was golden opportunity and that would be a shame if she didn't take it.

„Yeah, for example, Raven.” She grinned and Anya stiffed.

„What are you talking about?” she asked and Lexa shrugged, looking all casual in front of Anya sweating with shame.

„Oh, I don't know... maybe about that loud noises from living room, Anya?” she asked.„Or these moans telling something about your big dick?”

Anya blushed so hard that Lexa barely could see her in the red light of the light bulb that was above them.

„What the fu...”

„You know, I do accept you and your sexual life, also, I don't interfere with your preferences to have sex, so you can actually have it with your rainbow strapon, but please, just please, save that for yourself. And your girlfriend. I don't really want to know that shit, okay? And neither do Clarke.”

„Hey there, what are you doing?” they heard Raven and both of them turned their faces to her.

„Just a little talking about the rules of coexisting.” Lexa smiled widely. „And what about you?”

„We have something for you.” Clarke smiled. „Sangria for Anya, mojito for me and Raven and for you...”

„Just Mountain Dew.” Lexa nodded with appreciation. „Thank you.”

She knew that there were some people that were thinking that when MD was made, there was two mice per one liter, but she had nothing against some proteins, so she just waved her hand and didn't care.

People started choosing songs and sing, so the party was already on. They were sitting by the table and they were smiling to each other, trying not to be forced to pick a song.  
And finally, Lexa stood up and she just went towards the scene. Without a word, without an explanation, without anything.

„This one please.” She handed the list to the host and she pointed the title. Host nodded and he had found what his customer wanted.

Lexa stood on the scene and she checked the mic, the height of it and everything and when she was ready, the music started to play. Her eyes were fixed on Clarke, who was shocked that Lexa actually decided to sing, not even wanting to wait for them to be totally drunk. She was sure that she wanted to do this.

_Eyes make their peace in difficulties with wounded lips and salted cheeks. And finally we step to leave to the departure lounge of disbelief... And I don't know where I'm going, but I know it's gonna be a long time. And I'll be leaving in the morning come to the white wine bitter sunlight..._

Clarke couldn't resist, but to close her eyes. She loved Lexa's voice so much. She wanted to hear it, she wanted to enjoy every sound her girlfriend made. She wanted to be with her and she was aware that Lexa was singing for her, because brunette's eyes didn't even thought about leaving her.

Blonde knew that she was the happiest person on the entire world. She was so lucky that she had Lexa, that she could have this love. That this girld agreed to be hers. To be her second half.

_I wanna hear your beating heart tonight before the bleeding sun comes alive. I want to make the best of what is left hold tight. And hear my beating heart one last time before daylight. And the canyon underneath the trees, behind the dark sky you looked at me. I fell for you like autumn leaves, never faded evergreen..._

She opened her eyes and her blue orbs met emerald. They weren't too far away from each other, so they could actually see each other. Clarke could feel warmth that Lexa was transmitting, that she wanted to share with her. She was sharing not only the song, she was sharing the feelings, all she had inside of her. All of her love that she had for Clarke.

_And I don't know where I'm going, but I know it's gonna be a long time. 'Cause I'll be leaving in the morning come to the white wine bitter sunlight. I wanna hear your beating heart tonight before the bleeding heart comes alive. I want to make the best of what is left hold tight and hear my beating heart one last time..._

There wasn't a single person that wasn't applauding for her when the song ended. Lexa was s happy that she actually succeeded, but also she couldn't take her eyes off Clarke. The person who made her believe that she actually could be loved, that she deserved the love she obtained. Who helped her understand that love is undenied and deep trust. She was so happy that she got to know her...

But so was Clarke. She was so happy that Lexa finally took her as her girlfriend, that she accepted the feelings that Clarke had for her. She was happy, because Lexa gave her security, she gave her meaning of her life and she actually made her a lot happier than she was before. Broken heart before Finn, not one hundred percent great life, boring time and generally she didn't so well. And then she was just fine. She had somebody to rely on, she knew that she could tell Lexa anything and she would listen to her without a word, in silence, but listening. And, after all Clarke would have to say, she would finally tell what she wanted to. She had fresh glance at many of the topics and Clarke appreciated that. Thanks to Lexa she could see the things differently and make better decisions than before. She finally could trust someone as a partner, she could trust her with all she had. And that was so wonderful.

„I love you.” she whispered when Lexa sat down at their table, trying not to sweat with nervousness.

„I love you too.” She smiled to her and she leaned for a kiss that she received. It didn't really lasted much long, because Clarke broke that and she decided to go where Lexa was back from.

„That's my turn.” she stated and she took a place on the scene. Brunette was carefully observing.

_I'm trying to hold my breath... let it stay this way, can't let this moment end. You set off a dream with me getting louder now, can you hear it echoing? Take my hand, will you share this with me? 'Cause, darling, without you... all the shine of thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough, never be enough... towers of gold are still too little, these hands could hold a world but it'll never be enough, never be enough... for me!_

Clarke was singing differently than Lexa, but brunette was right when she was talking with her sister. Anya didn't know that Clarke actually could sing. That was, of course, understandable, because she didn't know Clarke as well as Lexa did. Brunette was pleased with her girlfriend's voice, not harsh, but delicate, a voice of a grown woman, of her girlfriend... of a person that she loved the most. Of person who finally showed her that being Lexa is not to be alone at all. She showed her that love is more than surviving, that love is not weakness. There were people in her environement, in her life, but all showed her that love was weakness... all but one. All but Clarke.

_All the shines of a thousand spotlights, all the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough, never be enough. Towers of gold are still too little, these hands could hold the world but it'll never be enough, never be enough for me!_

Clarke's eyes, like Lexa's before, was fixed on her loved one. She was singing for her, to her, she wanted to show her how much she meant to her. She wanted to just hold her for the rest of her life. She wanted to be with her for good and bad moments, she wanted to support her in her career, in her choices, she wanted to be a part of her life. There wasn't a person that Clarke loved more than she loved Lexa. She just wanted her to be with her forever.

When song ended, she didn't even hesitated. She just jumped out of the scene and she approached her girlfriend. Lexa met her halfway. They kissed passionately, in the middle of the applause. When the kiss broke, their eyes met.

„You mean everything to me.” Clarke smiled, looking for something that would tell her that Lexa didn't understand. Luckily, she didn't find that.

„Same as you to me.” Lexa returned the smile and she cupped Clarke's cheek pulled her closer and kissed her even more pasionately than previously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Times are tough for me as a writer, because I finally got a job and now O have tome forof nothing, but I promise that I will try to keep up! Also, thanks to all of you for all the support. That means a lot in this time to me.
> 
> Thanks for all kudos and comments! Tell me if you liked this chapter!
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	76. New chance

„I don't really know if I want to go there, Clarke.” Lexa glanced at her girlfriend and Clarke melted immediately when she saw the hesitation in her emerald eyes.

Blonde didn't think about that much. She kneeled before her and she grabbed her hands to comfort her. She smiled, trying to calm Lexa down, but she hoped that she at least help her.

„I know.” she smiled sadly. „But you know, that if you don't... you would miss the chance for something really, really great and important for you...” _and for me_ , she added non-verbally. She knew that when Lexa would succeed, she would be the proudest girlfriend ever.

But firstly... they had to face Finn and his dirty games that he had been playing with them and with professors. Both, Clarke and Lexa knew that this couldn't be easy. Lexa was aware that she should have been scared because of possible consequences of what she had done. Either way, she was aware that she had to face this shit, because she had done what she did... and she was somehow proud of the fact that she atually was able to stand for her work, her life, her future.

„Yeah, sure.” Lexa nodded and she smiled lightly. „But still, I'm stressed. Not only because of Finn, first of all it's about..."

„Your future.” Clarke smiled, nodding. She squeezed Lexa's hands and glanced at her, then she stood up and then she sat on her knees, smooching her in the cheek. „I know. But hear that: you're the best and all you have to know is that I am already proud of you. You did great job and you're the biggest genius I have ever known, but I am also your girlfriend, so I won't let you waste this chance because of your shyness and social anxiety. I will be with you, next to you, even if I have to fucking talk instead of you. Because I won't let Finn make a career on your schemes, Lexa.” she stated and brunette nodded. She understood, but she was a little bit concerned about her blueprints.

„I am not really sure if...”

„You'll be fine.” Clarke hugged her and then she backed off a little and she cupped Lexa's cheek. Blue eyes met emerald ones and they sent her soothing gaze. „I know that."

„I'm glad you do.” Lexa smiled a little and she suddenly approached Clarke's face and she kissed her. „You're the only one that actually do."

„I won't accept that you don't believe in yourself. For fuck's sake, Lexa, you're brilliant and you're the one who is going to collect rewards for your hard work!” she stated. „And I won't let you do anything that would bring you down.”

„You're bringing down my sky when I am looking at you.” she smiled, calmer than several minutes before.

„Flatterer.” Clarke blushed and Lexa put her forehead to blonde's chest. She was able to feel Clarke's beating heart and she was so happy that she had someone that was allowing her to listen to her heart. That was so awesome for brunette. And so new.

„I'm just honest.” she stated, smiling.

„Let's bring dow Finn's sky.” Clarke grinned, standing up and reaching out her hand to lend it to Lexa. „Not in such pleasant way that I'm doing it for you.”

*

„You think that it will actually work? You know... I am not really convinced if I did everything okay on these blueprints...”

„But even if you made a mistake, I am sure that you will find it and correct it. And he wouldn't be able to do it, because he doesn't really understand what the fuck it is all about.”

„You think?”

„I know that.” she stated, nodding so firmly that Lexa couldn't have any doubts. But still, she was anxious about all that.

„What if...”

„Lexa, please, don't.” Clarke sighed, sitting on the chair next to her. „Look. I know that this is tough for you and this situation with Finn is nuts. But I know that you're doing great and I know that you would do great. You know everything about these blueprints, you know the schemes, the ciphers... you know things that Finn doesn't. All you need to do is believe in yourself, you see?” she asked and Lexa nodded, but she wasn't very convinced.

„You think that you could do something?” Finn's voice vibrated in the air, causing both heads, Clarke's and Lexa's to turn and see him. He was quite self-confident, he was wearing a suit pants and a white shirt, trying to be elegant, but all Clarke could do when she saw him was to loathe him. She couldn't even look at him as at a human being. Finn glanced at her with even more self-confidence. „And you, Clarke, don't even know what she had done. What are you with.”

„Don't you dare refer to Lexa as a thing.” blonde stood up with immediate fury in her voice, but brunette reacted pretty fast. She caught Clarke's wrist and she pulled her back.

„He's not worthy your nerves, sweetheart.” she whispered. „Neither mine.” she added, squinting her eyes. Finn almost took a step back, but he put a lot of effort not to. He wanted to show her that he was sure that he would win.

„We will see who will win.” he stated. „Because I know how to destroy you, you little bitch.”

Clarke wanted to say something, but Lexa raised her hand, she stood up and glanced at Finn with a gaze that was throwing icicles.

„You don't know shit about winning, Finn.” she said, looking at him with steady and firm gaze. He started to hesitate if he was actually capable of anything. Lexa saw it and she was pretty surprised that he had started doubting so soon. But, after all, she did knew that he wasn't so strong and sure of everything he'd done. That was pretty good for her actually.

„Miss Woods? Mister Collins?” Professor Green opened the door to his room and he hesitantly peeked out of it. „And miss...?”

„Griffin, sir.” Clarke said immediately. „I am here just to keep company.”

„Oh, okay, then...” he hesitated, but when he saw Lexa's and Finn's facial expressions he decided to keep talking on the corridor. He left his room with a pile of pages and his face was concerned. He glanced at Finn's confident smile, then he glanced at Lexa's not so confident. He hesitated, because Clarke was backed off, but she was glancing at Lexa, trying to figure something out. „So, we're here because of these blueprints.” he stated, showing the pages to them. All three of them nodded.

„Is there something wrong with them, sir?” Lexa asked hesitantly and Clarke barely resisted the temptation to hit Finn's smiling face. He was sure that he won.

„They're not yours, miss Woods.” professor Green stated and for brunette the time stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, I am straight outta work, om the bus, completely wasted, but I still remember about the best people in my writer's life! I hope you enjoyed this pretty short chapter, but really, forgive me. I promise, I will do better next time.
> 
> Thanks for all your kudos and comments, they mean so much to me! And thank you from the bottom of my heart that all of them are so warm and positive. That's the spirit I am glad to see here. :)
> 
> Take care anf until Friday!


	77. WTF

„I'm sorry, sir?” she shook her head, trying to process what he had just said. „Excuse me?”

„You heard that.” Finn snorted.

„I can tell that you put a lot of effort in that blueprints, but it all seems like schemes that mister Collins did were first.” he stated, pointing Finn whose ego grew up so much that Clarke wanted to stab it and see what it would be like.

„Oh, because they were.” Finn stated, but Clarke shook her head.

„No, they weren't.” She stated, seeing that Lexa didn't really know what to do nor what to tell. She was lost for a while, so Clarke, knowing that her girlfriend needed a little bit of time to just process and understand the situation that was fucked up and unjust, decided to take care of the conversation in her name till brunette would be ready to speak for herself. „I saw them before and I am not the only one.”

„You're not even from here.” Finn snapped, glancing at her with quite harsh gaze. „You're her... girl.” he stated, spitting out this last word as it was an acid. „You're not objective.”

„But I am fair and honest from the beginning. Not like you.” Clarke squinted her eyes.

Lexa set her teeth when Finn snorted again and she finally was able to speak.

„Professor, I can prove you that my blueprints were first.” she stated, trying to remain calm, but there was something that was telling her that she shouldn't. „Can we talk... in private?”

„You want me not to be there when you're discussing MY blueprints?” Finn raised his eyebrow and he was truly mad, but Lexa shrugged.

„I want you not to be there when I'll be discussing MY blueprints.” she stated. „Because I...”

„Okay, please, come to my office.” professor Green was a little bit surprised and confused, but he knew that he couldn't let that case go. This had to be explained. „Miss Griffin, if you don't mind...”

„Not at all, sir.” Clarke nodded, sitting on the chair right in front of the Green's door. In fact, she fucking DID mind, but she also knew that she wasn't the side of the argument, so she couldn't do anything. All she could do was sit there and wait for her girlfriend to prove that Finn was filthy fucker that was also a thief.

Lexa glanced at her with worry, but Clarke sent her a comforting smile, because she was sure that everything will be just fine. Lexa knew that that was her work, so it shouldn't be a problem for her to just convince professor Green that she actually did what she did and Finn stole it form her.  
But, in the moment that all three of them disappeared behind the door Clarke froze. Lexa cleaned Finn's hard disc and clouds! She shivered, but then she just realized that Anya and Raven could still have a proof because they just did photos. But still, without the data from Finn's computer...

„Fuck all that, Lexa, I hope you'll be able to make it.” she whispered, totally destroyed by the thought that her actions could actually throw her further from her dreams. She couldn't allow this.

*

„Miss Woods, I'm waiting for your explanation.” Green glanced at her, but his sight wasn't really bad she though it would be. He actually wanted to know what the fuck happened. But, to be honest, so did she.„Mister Collins brought these blueprints...” he raised his hand with papers that were covered in Finn's handwriting and some images „...to me two days before I obtained yours. And they are pretty smilar, but, still, the one problem is that I don't really know why is that.”

„These are my blueprints.” Finn decided to speak when he saw Lexa opening her mouth. He knew that he would be lost if she start talking, so he wanted to save his ass. „I developed them and I know that there are some mistakes on them, but they are to be corrected, so I don't think that it does much damage.” he stated. „I don't know either why she sent you blueprints that she assumes are hers when they are obviously not, sir.”  
Lexa sighed and she glanced at professor Green and she tried to speak calmly and not to raise her voice.

„Sir, there is a problem, but not because I stole these from him.” she pointed at the papers that were lying on Green's desk. „There is a problem, because he stole them from me. Can I see them?” she asked and professor Green assumed that it would do no harm, so he nodded and handed her the schemes. Lexa flicked trhough them and perfectly divided them. „As you can see, on my blueprints there are generally a schemes for a single engine that is running, of course, on gasoline, and I tried to minimise the weight but in the same time I wanted to keep the power or even increase it. And, after all, I think that I did it, because of...” she was looking for something for a minute and she nodded when she finally found it. „...because of these calculations, you see, sir?”

She showed it to professor Green and he was thinking about that for a while, he finally nodded and he glanced at Finn who was slightly red on his face and Lexa noticed that he wanted to loosen a little bit his collar, because he apparently was sweating... what wasn't even suprising for her.

„As you can see, his blueprints are more chaotic than mine and, for all it's worth, I can tell you that he tried to convert my engine for diesel.” she continued, hoping that no one would interrupt her. „Diesels aren't allowed in the race and I was focused on developing something that could actually help us win. When I wasn't allowed to drive that car I thought that I can at least try to improve it.”

„Understandable.” professor Green nodded. „Mister Collins, would you tell something about that?”

„All I want to tell you is that she stole them from me.” he tried to sound firm, but he could barely speak without a crack in his voice. He felt that he was on the lost position and that was the thing that was actually haunting him and making him sweat a little bit too much for a person that wasn't guilty. „She had a time to work on it, she had a lot of time to improve these blueprints, that's why hers are better than mine.”

„Mine are developed better just because I was working on them for a lot of time, since my first class, sir.” Lexa glanced at her professor. „The schemes aren't for developing in a week or even a month. It requires a lot more time.”

"You weren't even there for the first year." Finn snapped, but Lexa shrugged. Not everyone had to know about her learning situation. Especially not Finn.

"The point is, I was. But not in the way you all were. And I was always interested in engines, so I assume that blueprints of one aren't so surprising in my hands." She stated calmly andand firmly and Green would be a fool if he didn't see that.

But then he sighed when Finn set his teeth feeling that he would certainly loose.

„To be honest, I have no idea whart to do with you two.” he stated eventually. „I can take all of your arguments, but I don't really know if either of you can give me proof strong enough to actually prove whose there blueprints orginally were. Of course I'm trying to believe both of you, but that's, obviously, impossible in this situation. So this is is what I offer to you: a contest. Develop me a blueprint for something that should improve our car, of course we will temporarily put on hold the engine case, so it have to be something else, okay? Whatever, it's up to you. And I'll see where we are.”

„Okay, sir. No problem.” Lexa nodded immediately, because she was actually working on something that could be called a nitro, but it was much more safer and it actually was allowing the driver to still have full control over his vehicle. Even though she agreed quite eagerly, she was insanely furious inside, because this dick who was sitting next to her tried to destroy her dreams and scientific career if there was any possibility to gain any, jus because he didn't like her.

And how it ended? In fucking contest. What the fuck was about her having to prove that she could do what she already did, because he was better speaker and everyone just believed him? For fuck's sake, that was insane and Lexa tried not to explode in front of the professor, because she was pretty sure that if she did, he could take that as a confirmation of being guilty... which she was, of course, not.

Finn, however, wasn't so convicned to Green's idea, but he had to nod and agree on that terms, because he actually wanted to cause harm to Lexa and he was perfectly aware that if he didn't succed in taking back Clarke, he could actually take away a science and doctorate from her. That would be a hit for her.

„I'm glad we could get along.” Green smiled and he put the blueprints in the drawer. „They will be lying here, safely, till we explain the whole situation, is that okay?”

„Sure.” Lexa nodded.

„Yes.” Finn did the same.

When professor Green let them go, Lexa was first to be outside. She tried to be calm when she exited the room, but then she almost run past Clarke and then she stormed off the building. She groaned loudly and she decided to go home, not even noticing that Clarke wasn't by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so that's it. :)
> 
> Thank you for staying tuned, thank you for all the kudos and comments, I appreciate that and they mean a lot to me! :) tell me what you think about this one!
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	78. Unjustice

**CLARKE**  
„If you think that you can actually do her harm, you're wrong. She would beat you so badly that you wouldn't be able to even move.” blonde stated when Finn got out of Green's room. She saw Lexa almost running through the corridor, so she knew that something bad happened.

Even though she knew that Lexa could use some comforting, she decided to wait for Finn and tell him what a dick he is. And then she planned on going at Lexa's place and talk with her about what happened. She knew that her girlfriend needed her, but she also knew that she have to do something about Finn, something that Lexa couldn't.  
„She won't even touch me.” Finn squinted his eyes and he glanced at Clarke with anger in his eyes, but blonde didn't even shivered. „Every move like that would be taken as a guilt confirmation.”

„Oh, she won't have to touch you.” Clarke smirked and Finn felt a slight shiver travelling down his spine. He wasn't really happy because of it. „Because she has something that you don't. A moral spine and a brilliant mind, Finn.”

„You...” he tried to catch Clarke's wrist, but she dodged and didn't let him do it.

„You'll never touch me again. Or I will make sure that you won't touch anybody else at all.” she whispered and Finn, unconsciously, took one step back.

„You'll regret all of this.” he snapped.„Because you'll be finally alone. You help her, she would take all you can give her and then she would dump you. It's no other way. She's useless and she is an energetic vampire, I can see that she's draining you out of everything you ever had.”

„Don't you dare insulting her, Finn. The times when you were left with that because nobody could do anything are over.” Clarke approached him a little and when he tried to take another step back, he hit the wall.

„You...”

„I will regret that, I heard you for the first time you told me that, and you know what? I am finally happy in the relationship I'm currently in. She admires me, she helps me, she wants me and she loves me. She gives me all you have never given me and now you have a problem with that. We're together, because we can support each other. You couldn't support anybody, you wanted the support and never gave it back. So screw you, Finn, and all the toxic relationships that you're making with people. But hear that, I won't be a part of any. So get the fuck off of my girlfirend and me or I will make sure that you will whether you like or not.” she stated and then she left him with surprised facial expression.

She went to Lexa's, because she knew that they have to talk. About what happened. And she was sure that Lexa would understand.

*

 **LEXA**  
„Lex? How was... for fuck's sake, what happened?” Anya asked immediately when she noticed her sister's don't-even-try-to-approach-me face. Brunette was about to answer, when there was knocking on door and Clarke came in, all red, because she probably ran all the way there.

„Lexa, forgive me, but I had to talk to him... what happened?”

„Perfect timing, I asked her exactly the same thing a few seconds ago.” Anya tried to smile, but she couldn't when she saw the two of them looking like they were looking. „So?”

„Green wants to do a contest, because he can't really find out whose these blueprints really are.”

„HOW IS THAT EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE?!” Anya shouted, but Lexa shut her eyes, squeezed her nose base and she shook her head.

„Shhh, don't shout, An, please.” she groaned. „We have to make blueprints of something different than engine. Something that would actually improve our racing car. And I have an idea, but... I don't really know what he is capable of. Even if I know that he is not able to do it alone... I am quite sure that he can and he will use somebody's help.”

Clarke sighed.

„I know what he wants. I know that if we will give him that, he will certainly fuck off of us.” she stated, but Lexa shook her head. Anya was confused.

„And he wants what?” she asked.

„Me.” Clarke said and Lexa shook her head one more time.

„No, Clarke. No more deceptions, no more plans like that. That was enough for the last time and I am still feeling like a bitch that I even allowed you to do it.”

„But...”

„Look, sweetheart.” Lexa sat on the couch and she pulled Clarke's to do the same. She also sat and then she saw emerald eyes of her girlfriend. „I am not allowing you to do anything with him, okay? We're together and I can see, crystal clear, that you don't like him, that he hurt you. And he won't do that again, I won't let that happen. I can cope with him, with everything he will throw at me, because I have something that he doesn't, your love. And for all it's worth, and it's worth a lot, he doesn't understand that he will finally fail.”

„But what if he would win the contest?” Clarke glanced at her girlfriend with dread in her eyes. Lexa shook her head and cupped her cheek, then she smiled comfortingly. Anya sat in the kitchen, to give them some privacy, but she was still staying tuned.

„If so, then I will lose.” she shrugged. Then she added immediately the rest, because she saw that blonde wanted to say something about Lexa's future. „And that's no harm done... at least not so bad. I will have to get through some investigation, maybe they will never allow me to do blueprints home or something like that. Maybe I will not have a chance for my doctoral dissertation earlier, but that will not be so harmful, because I will be able to do it anyway in the proper time. All I'm saying, Clarke, is that I have you and with you I can go through anything and I hope you feel the same about me. I would totally go through hell for you, but you had already been in hell because of me, so I don't want you to do it again, okay?”

„But...”

„Please, Clarke. There's nothing I can't cope with, okay? I will never take my career over you. You makes me happy in too many ways that science can't. I love you and Finn is not changing that. Ever. Not at all cost.”

„I have never heard something like that before.” one tear dropped out of Clarke's eye and Lexa wiped it with soothing smile and then she pulled Clarke closer and hugged her.

„Because you weren't with me.” she whispered to her ear. „You did so much good to me, you helped me in so many ways... now there is a time when I return the favor, but not because I have to, Clarke. Because I want to.”

„I don't want your career to...”

„Shhh.” Lexa closed blonde's mouth by just kissing her passionately. „We will find another way. There is always another way.” she smiled, when they broke the kiss.

„And I have an idea.” Anya stated when she heard that whispers and kissing was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that one. :)
> 
> Thanks for all comments and kudos, leave more so I know what you think about that.
> 
> Take care, until Friday. :)


	79. What do we do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally thought I won't be able to post this because of technical issues. My computer refused to cooperate, second one is dead and my dropbox said no.  
> But I coped with all that and even with lack of time. Here it is!

 

Next days didn't bring anything new. Lexa was shattered between work for the contest and university. She barely had time for Clarke, but, as usual, when she had heard her girlfriend knocking on her door and when she had seen her, she shut down her books and she smiled widely, inviting blonde to move forward, approach and sit on her desk, chair, bed or even Lexa's knees.

„What are you doing?” blonde asked smiling and Lexa pointed with her gaze on the computer screen. Clarke sighed. „What I even ask for.”

„I just want to think about something else than Finn's ability of mysteriously winning everything. If he wants my place, he would have to be better than me.”

„There is nobody that is better than you, sweetheart.” Clarke smooched brunette's forehead. „All you need to do is believe that.”

„When you're telling me this? I do.” Lexa smiled and she wanted to close her laptop, but Clarke stopped her.

„Wait, what's that?” she pointed one icone on her desktop that was running. „Is that...”

„No, it's not.” Lexa said quickly, blushing, but Clarke knew everything. Laugh exploded and blonde barely could make it sitting on Lexa's knees. Brunette held her so blonde wouldn't hurt herself.

„You're playing Mass Effect again, you nerd. You're not even working.”

„I needed a break.” Lexa blushed hardly and her sight started escaping from Clarke's. Blonde, however, caught her chin and tenderly made brunette to look at her.

„So you started to play this game for... fifth time?” she asked with wide smile, but Lexa's face turned even more red that it was before.

„Seventh.” she babbled and Clarke laughed again „BUT I was trying to think about the resolutions that are installed in M-35 Mako. You know, in this game you are unable to jump, but your car can.”

„So you're willing to make univeristy's racing care jump?” Clarke wiped out the tears of laughter and she glanced at her girlfriend who shook her head.

„Not really. But see, Mako is not really small, it's a rover that is also a tank, it has place for Shepard's short party and is heavy armoured.” Lexa ran the game to show Clarke what she was talking about. „Look.” she pointed at small rover on the screen. „Rocket launcher and submachine gun. As you can see, Mako is not the lighter model of rover, right?”

„Right.” Clarke nodded. She was actually curious of what Lexa was thinking about to develop, even if she didn't really understand what she was talking about.

„Now look.” Lexa pressed space and the rover jumped for quite a height. „See?”

„Wow.” that was all Clarke could say. Brunette nodded.

„Exactly. But, here's the thing. If I would be able to do something like that in the racing car, but not vertically but horizontally...”

„It will certainly go faster.”

„Exactly.” Lexa nodded. „You see, I wasn't wasting my time.”

„I have never told you that you did.” she smiled. „But now I'm sure that you're a total nerd.”

„Thanks.” Brunette sighed, not even seeing the point in arguing. Of course she was a nerd, that wasn't debatable, but as long as Clarke called her that it was all okay. Problems were starting when someone else did that with intention to insult her.

Finn, for example.

„So, if you're in the middle of the work...”

„Don't.” Lexa smiled and she shook her head, closing her laptop. „Mako could be inspiring, because it could go where the physics can't, but the most inspiring person in my life is now here, so Mass Effect and Shepard's rover can actually wait.” she wrapped her arms around Clarke and she rested her forehead on Clarke's collarbone.

„That's a compliment, thank you.” blonde smiled, tenderly caressing Lexa's hair. „But you seem to be exhausted. You should slow down a bit.”

„I'm actually in the middle of the project.” she gave Clarke an information to look on the desk and blonde glanced there. Of course she didn't comprehend a thing from the calculations, schemes and so on, but she was certain that Lexa was warking hard for her redemption. „And sleep is for weak.”

„Don't you dare saying that.” Clarke forced her girlfriend to lift her face, but she saw what she had already seen, but then it was more obvious. Lexa was really exhausted. „Lexa, sweetie, you need to rest. Finn would never win with you, but you will not win either, if you'll be so devastated. I'll make you a tea and you, in the same time, will change your clothes to pajamas, okay?”

„But...”

„No buts.” Clarke shook her head. „When I'm back, I want to see you in bed. Please.”

Lexa didn't answer but she sighted and Clarke already knew that it could be an agreement. She left the room, leaving Lexa alone for couple of minutes.

Brunette didn't move for a while, she glanced at her schemes, she tried to sort them, but she really couldn't. It was too much and she finally felt that she didn't sleep for a long time. Her insomnia was back, she has been sleeping for an hour a night or she wasn't sleeping at all. Lexa felt the exhaustion that took over her and when Clarke was back with the tea, she saw her girlfriend sleeping with her forehead lying on the desk.

Blonde sighed and she quietly put the mug with too sweet to drink tea and she gently lifted Lexa. She was sure that brunette actually had lost some weight because of that whole situation with Finn. She put Lexa in her bed and covered her with blanket and she sat there for a while, caressing Lexa's hair. And when she wanted to leave the room in order not to disturb her girlfriend in sleep, Lexa threw her arm through Clarke's lap and then she hugged her like a teddy bear that had been lost for a long time. Brunette was afraid and Clarke could tell that without hesitation. She smiled a little, gently slipping her arm under Lexa's head and she took her in the hug, smooching her forehead, lying down and she felt Lexa's body relaxing.

„I won't let anything happen to you, love.” Clarke whispered, looking at now calm face of her girlfriend.

*

**ANYA**

She noticed that someone entered the cafeteria and she moved when she recognized her. The woman sat in front of her, looking around to make sure that she wasn't seen by anyone she knew.

„You wanted to meet, what happened?” she asked as she approached and sat when Anya pointed the chair in front of her.

„You know Finn Collins, right?” elder Woods' sister glanced at her companion and the woman nodded hesitantly.

„Yeah, what's wrong with him?”

_Nothing except that everything,_ Anya thought, but she didn't decide to say that out loud.

„I have to ask: have you heard about his problems with my sister?”

„You mean this problems with blueprints and all?” her interlocutor asked and Anya nodded, glad that she heard about that. „Yes, I am aware of it, why?”

„Then you probably know that he is participating in a contest with her.”

„Yeah, some stolen blueprints, right?” she asked and Anya nodded once again. „But I don't really know whose was them.”

„I know.” Woods smirked and she started looking for something in her purse. Finally she found it and she put it on the table. Then she pushed it to her companion.

„What's that?” she took the folio and she opened it. Her eyes become instantly wider. „Holy fuck. Why are you...?”

„I need Finn to have this. And I need you to help him understand what it is.”

„You have to really hate your sister, An.” she smiled and Anya nodded.

„Sometimes I do, Diyoza. Sometimes I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it.
> 
> Thanks for warm welcome last week, thank you for all the kudos and comments! You're awesome!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	80. Bold move

„Good morning, professor.” Lexa greeted Green on the corridor when she was on the university the next day. Before she came, she was finishing one of the multiple projects of enhancements of the racing car. He nodded, greeting her back.

„Good morning, miss Woods.” he stated and waved at her, inviting her to follow him. Lexa was quite surprised, but she did and finally they entered his room. „I need to talk to you.”

„Is something wrong?” Lexa hesitantly sat down on the chair that Green showed her. She was looking at him, trying to find something that could tell her that this conversation would't be so dramatic and unpleasant that the previous one was.

„I am waiting for your project.” he stated. „Because mr Collins delivered me his today.”  
Lexa's eyes widened, but she didn't say a word. She was prepared for this one, she had blueprints and calculations with her, just in case. She nodded and she took out her folio and she handed it to Green.

Professor took the folio and flicked through the files. He sighed.

„Would you mind waiting for me for a while, miss Woods.”

„Sure, sir.” she nodded when her professor stood up and exited, leaving Lexa alone with a vortex of thoughts that weren't so pleasant.  
What the hell happened she thought, trying to convince herself that it would be fine, that there was nothing to worry about. She pulled out her phone and decided to send Clarke a message.

 **Clarke, I think there will be a problem.** She typed, but she wasn't so sure if she should send it. She didn't want to worry her girlfriend, but Clarke was aware of all that shit and she told her to write when there would be something that Lexa would want to talk about. And Lexa herself told Clarke exactly the same thing. She hit »send« before she changed her mind.

 **What's happening?** The response was immediate. Lexa sighed and she shook her head.

**Finn gave his project to Green. Green invited me to his room and asked me for mine. When I gave it to him, he checked it out and then excused me and left. I can feel it in my bones that he will bring Finn here.**

**Honey, it will be fine. There is no chance that something would go wrong. It's likely that Green just went for Finn to solve problem wit engine blueprints once and for all.**

Lexa sighed and she relaxed for a bit. Clarke knew what to say when she was stressed. All she could do was hope that she was able to do the same thing.

**Thanks, Clarke. I'm glad you're here for me.**   
**Always. Staying tuned, I hope all will be fine.**

Lexa didn't send message back, because she heard door opening and she stiffed for a second and then she heard professor Green's and Finn's voices. They both enetered and after a while they were all sitting.

„What happened, sir?” Lexa finally asked and Green sighed.

„The same thing as recently, miss Woods.” he stated and Lexa stiffed. „But this time I have no doubt. These blueprints are exactly the same. Can you explain that to me? I don't have time for your games.”

What Lexa didn't understand was why he was looking at her as she was the guilty one.

„I handed it to you first, sir.” Finn was sure of his strenght this time. Of course, he was in better position, but Lexa didn't understand how the fuck it even happened.

„Wait a second, sir, may I see it?” she asked and Green shrugged and then handed her two folios. She grabbed both of them and started flicking through them. She was devastated when it tuned out that it was true; she had two copies of the same thing in her hands. One folio signed with Finn's name and the second one with her own. She didn't show how scared, frustrated and upset she was, but inside she felt that panic attack is very, very close.

„Have I missed something, miss Woods?” professor Green asked and Lexa shook her head. She tried not to shed a tear and she was proud that she succeeded.

„No, sir. You haven't.” she stated. „But I don't understand that.”

„You don't understand that you stole that from me?” Finn raised his eyebrow. „I don't undersatnd why you did such a tihing.”

„I didn't steal anything.” Lexa's voice was firm. „These blueprints are mine.”

„I don't think so.” Finn crossed his arms. „I was the first to hand that.”

„And the first to admit that.” Lexa became suspicious. „Sir, I...”

„If you don't have any proof that this work is yours, I can't accept any of your work. Mr Collins, I can't accept your work either.” he calmed down Finn.

„WHAT?! That's not fair!” he shouted, but Lexa was completely calm. She nodded and she stood up.

„Is that all, sir? I need to get back to work.”

„One more thing. Both of you can't participate in this project.”

„I won't let some filthy thief destroy my career!” he shouted and he left the room, slamming the door.

„Thank you, sir.” Lexa handled it with class and she nodded, standing up and pulling her phone out of the pocket. „I hope that we'll explain this soon.”

„So am I.” Green nodded too and Lexa left the room, texting to Clarke.

*

„What happened?” Clarke was nervous when she met Lexa on the bench in university's park. „Lexa? Sweetheart, what's going on, why... are you crying?”

„I'm trying not to.” Lexa shook her head, wiping the tears rolling down her face.   
Clarke wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, hugging her and holding her tight.

„He had my blueprints.” Lexa stated, lying her forehead on her shoulder. Clarke felt warm tears dropping on her skin. She was helpless.

„How is that even possible?” she asked, totally surprised.

„I don't know, Clarke...” Lexa sniffed. „But there were two people who knew about that and who knew where my blueprints were. You and Anya.”

„Do you really...”

„You're out of that, because I fully trust you. That must have been Anya.”

„You're accusing your own sister.” Clarke sighed. „Are you sure about that?”

„I have to talk to her. Right now.”

„I'll go with you.”

*

„Good morning, Woods, I need to see my sister.” Lexa stated, when she entered the building where Anya was working. The secretary wanted to protest, but brunette raised her hand. „Don't you even try to stop me, you don't want to have a problem.”

And she passed by her.

„I'm sorry, I'll explain that later.” Clarke sent her apologetic smile and she rushed after Lexa.

The door barely stayed in hinges when Lexa enetered the room that Anya was in. Clarke was really impressed and she felt that the power that Lexa had made her even hotter than brunette had already been.

„Tell me that you didn't do it.” she stated instead for »good morning«. Anya was surprised and she didn't really knew what was happening, not before Lexa shut the door with a loud slam.

„What?” she stood up and glanced at Clarke who was standing near the doorphrame like she was waiting for something.

„Both of us, Finn and I, were invited to Green's room today. And guess what? He had my blueprints. Only Clarke and you knew where are they and what they look like. Clarke didn't do it. So I assume that you had to. And you better have convincing arguments that it wasn't you.”

"Miss Woods, I am so sorry, I can't..." the secretary opened the door and she was all red on the face as she was running. Anya raised her hand.

"It's okay, Jan, this is my sister. Nothing's wrong." She said and secretary nodded, suspiciously looking on all stuff that was happening inside the office. She backed off, nodded and she closed the door.

„I...” Anya stuttered, looking at her sister. „I can explain.”

„Good.” Lexa crosed her arms. „Because I'm not moving from there until you do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, because the next one is finally solving all that shit. :D
> 
> Thank you for all that kudos and comments you've left, I'm so grateful for them, you're the best!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	81. Mako

„You're aware of what you had done, right?” Lexa asked, when she heard Anya's explanation and her sister nodded.

The story wasn't really to believe, though. Both, Lexa and Clarke had an impression that Anya didn't think that through and that her words were blurry, as she was just doing things without thinking about them first.

„Yes.”

„And you know that technically you stole this shit from me?”

„Yes. But...”

„You jeopardized her future.” Clarke stated. She was upset and she didn't really understand what happened and why Anya did that.

She didn't even thought about denying.

„I didn't. Look, he used help, he used Diyoza to achieve his goals. And she... she owes me something.”

„Why didn't you say anything? Why you...” Clarke started.

„You wanted me not to know.” Lexa stated without hesitation, squinting her eyes. „You wanted me to prove that this blueprints are mine. But I don't know how. You didn't think this through, did you?”

„No, I didn't. I thought that...”

„That I am smart enough to just do it, being totally surprised because of that? You know what? I expected literally and figuratively everything from you, except from that one thing you just did.” Lexa sighed. „And for what.”

„Lexa, I... you perfectly know the process of creation of these blueprints, right?”

„Right.” Lexa nodded. „But talking with professor Green is pointless in this situation. In case you don't know, he doesn't believe me. Strangely... he does believe in Finn's words.”

„What a fucker.” Anya shook her head. „What have I done.”

„Good to see that you're questioning that. What's a shame that you started doing it when it's too late.” Clarke snapped. Lexa shook her head and she leaned back on the wall.

„You know that if Diyoza would admit that she gave these blueprints to Finn, she would have to admit from where she had it. If she does... then all the tracks will lead to you. She won't risk being charged.” Lexa stated. „You just convicted yourself because of stealth.”

„For fuck's sake...” Anya groaned, sitting behind her desk and she hid her face in her hands. „I'm so sorry, Lexa.”

„It's a little bit too late to say that, don't you think?” her sister raised her eyebrow, glancing at Anya without belief.

„I know.” she nodded. „But...”

„There is no »but«, Anya.” Lexa shook her head. „You did what you did and, among all the stupid things that you actually did in your life, especially among these connected with me... this is the stupidest thing I could think of. I know that technically I amnnot not your real sister, but...”

„No!" Anya shouted and she was breathing heavily. "You were always, same as you are and will be my only little sister. I would never think of you otherwise. I will take the charges. This is all my fault... but if Finn would be charged because of using your blueprints, I will be satisfied.”

„I won't charge you.” Lexa shook her head. „Even if I certainly should.”

„You won't...?” Anya and Clarke glanced at Lexa.

„I want him to pay for all he had done. But please, promise me that you won't help me again... in that way.”

„Will do.” Anya nodded. „Thanks.”

„What's a pity that I can't say the same thing now.” Lexa sighed, shaking her head. „Call Diyoza, I need her statement now. I want to make things straight ASAP.”

Anya nodded and she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

*

„Miss Woods? Is there something...?”

„Oh, yes, sir.” Lexa nodded. „Can we talk? In private?”

„Of course, but...” he opened the door to his room wider and then Lexa came in. She also caught Diyoza and made her enter the room.„What's the matter? Miss Diyoza? Miss Woods, is everything okay?”

„Yes, sir.”

„I am here to explain things.” Diyoza said.

„Such as...?” he raised his eyebrow and then he pointed the chair. „Take a sit, please.”

„Thank you.” Both, Diyoza and Lexa nodded, sitting down.

„So?”

„Finn... Mr Collins asked me for help in this project. I knew about Lexa's blueprints and I gave them to him as a base... but I didn't know that he will take them and give it to you, sir.”

„How am I supposed to believe it without mr Collins' statement?” Green asked, standing up, but Lexa shook her head. She knew that it wouldn't be so easy as she thought.

„I can vouch for her.” Diyoza nodded in Lexa's directions. „For the first time Finn had a bug in miss Reyes' phone and when her partner sent her photos of Lexa's work just to know what it was all about, he stole it from her. He wanted to rewrite it to diesel, just for blueprints not to look the same as Lexa's. But you saw the similarities anyway. He consulted me all the time, he is not an engineer, he is more like chemist, so he didn't really know what it was all about.”

„I have to admit that this explanation is quite good, but I don't get one thing.” Green sighed, massaging his forehead. „Why would mister Collins do such a thing? What for?”

„Because...” Lexa stopped for a while, considering not to tell him, but she wanted to close all this case and tell the truth. „...because of Clarke Griffin.”

„Pardon...?” he asked. „Excuse me, miss Woods, but I don't...”

„He used to be with Clarke Griffin. Now she is my partner.” Lexa explained. „And he wants her back, even if she doesn't want that at all.”

„You want to say that he did it because of a girl?”

„Yeah, he's quite homophobic.” Diyoza shrugged. „For all I know, because he told me, he hates Lexa because she preferes women and she is with Clarke.”

„That's against our policy...” she stated. „It's harassment.”

„I was coping with all that, but now I have no choice but to tell you about that, because his motives are just unbelievably pointless.” she stated.

„Okay, so... I guess I need to have him here and talk to him. Please, stay here, I will send somebody to find him.”

Both, Diyoza and Lexa nodded and they glanced at each other.

„Thanks.” Lexa whispered. Diyoza nodded.

„I didn't know what he was doing firstly. When I obtained these blueprints, I thought that he used somebody's help. But I didn't think that he actually stole that. And when Anya came to me... I was shocked. I knew you, even if you didn't know me. I knew about your talents and all.”

„You're even from here?” Lexa asked and Diyoza nodded.

„I left the university when Wick graduated. He is in my place now and I am glad that this place gained great engineer. Sometimes I was helping here... but I wasn't aware that I was helping in rewriting stolen work.”

„That's not your fault.” Lexa sighed when professor Green came back.

„But it's against my policy.”

„Mister Collins, I want to hear the truth.” he stated when Finn entered.

„I have already told...” he started, but then he noticed that Diyoza was also in the room. „What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, but engineer shrugged.

„Tell the truth. Now. We all know what you have done, all you need to do is confirm.”

„Confirm what.” he snapped.

„Miss Woods and Miss Diyoza claim that you stole miss Woods' work because you're jealous of her relationship with Clarke Griffin.”

„That's insane, sir.” he started laughing. „I don't...”

„Is it true that she was your partner?”

„Some time ago, yes. But then...”

„He left her for Raven Reyes. And then he left Reyes for Griffin, but she didn't want him back.”

„That's not the point in that case, I believe.” Finn snorted. „We're here to discuss...”

„Your motivation, mister Collins.” Professor Green glanced at him. „If you are...”

„You filthy gay scumbag.” Finn turned to Lexa and he wanted to slap her, but she dodged and Green caught Finn's fist. „You won't destroy my...”

„Mister Collins, I strongly advise you to calm down.” he said.

„How am I supposed to calm down when this whore is trying to smear me?! She pretends that she's better than me, because what, because she is with Clarke now? She just seduced her and that was me who was perfect for Clarke! But because of this fucking dyke I can't be with her!” he shouted and Green shook his head.

„That's it, mister Collins.” he said with angry tone in his voice. „Words like these are unacceptable here, we are tollerant and we are supporting equality. Love is love and we won't be tollerating anything that is going against this statements. You will be punished. And you should know that what you had just said is enough for me to believe that miss Woods was unfairly accused of this stealth. Miss Woods, your suspension is no longer valid, and about you, Mr Collins, I think that our university's chancellor will think of expelling you.” he stated. „I have only one concern. I can believe that blueprints are yours, miss Woods, but... if mr Collins doesn't want to admit that they aren't his...”

„They are!”

„Then can you explain this word? It's...” Green squinted his eyes. „...»Mako« it is, I believe?”

„That... that's just a scribbling, nothing important. I was just lost in thoughts. And I think it's rather »Made«.” he shrugged, looking angrily at Diyoza, but Lexa sighed and then she smiled when professor Green looked at her and she shook her head.

„Miss Woods?”

„He's wrong, sir, though you're not. »Mako« is the word I wrote there, because I was playing Mass Effect and I thought that maybe reverting the Mako drive to work for me, to the speed not to the height...”

„She's lying, there is no such a thing as a...”

„Actually yesterday my niece was playing a game called, I believe, Mass Effect and I was observing the playthrough for a while... and I saw Mako. It's a rover, am I right?”

„Totally, sir.” Lexa nodded and tension from Green's face evaporated. He smiled comfotingly to brunette and he nodded. All was clear, it was Finn who lied, professor Green finally was sure about that.

„Miss Woods, congratulations, we need to set a appointment to discuss your project. But for now, I'm sorry, I have to go with this... not-so-gentleman to the chancellor. Have a great day.”

„Thank you, sir.” Lexa nodded and they all were out of the room. Green took Finn out of Lexa's sight.

„I'm sorry, but one more minute and I will be late. I hope we will meet again... in the circumstances more pleasant than these.” Diyoza said and Lexa nodded, when they were going out of the building. She rushed to her house, knowing that Clarke and, probably, her sister, is waiting there for her.

„How was it?” Clarke asked when Lexa shut the door behind her. Anya wasn't home and herabout girlfriend was quite nervous. Brunette understood why she didn't want to be on the university then. She was afraid that she would beat the hell out of Finn.

„We did it. Green believed me, right after when Finn decided to show his homophobic self. Of course, I was a gay whore again, I wonder why he isn't creative on this field. But, anyway, I am back on the project.”

„Holy shit, I am so happy for you, my nerd!” Clarke smiled crazily and she hugged Lexa so hard that brunette thought for a while that blonde would break her ribs. „You don't know how happy I am because of that.”

„I can tell.” Lexa stated, trying to take deep breath. She smiled too and she caught Clarke's chin. She kissed her passionately. „I wouldn't be able to do it if it's not for you.”

„I gave you nothing...”

„But a support, Clarke.” Lexa stated so firmly, looking at her girlfriend with steel in her eyes and with soft smile on her face. Clarke's legs started to slightly shake.

„For fuck's sake, you're so hot with this steel, Woods.” blonde groaned, touching Lexa's cheek under her eyes. "Not that younare otn hot anyway, though".

Lexa only grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ffs, Finn's done. I hope that for a little while. I hope you liked it, I have certainly a lot of fun while writing it. :)
> 
> Thank you for all comments, kudos and approval, I am so glad that you're here, that you're reading this and that you're sharing your thoughts with me. That's very important to me.
> 
> Also, I am happy to announce that my new Clexa fic would start in October the 1st, (Monday) due to new academic year. I hope you would also check that out.
> 
> Thanks again and until Friday!


	82. Working out

„I am so glad that it turned out just fine...” Anya sighed while Lexa was making tea for everyone.

„Yeah, but consider what would be if Green hadn’t seen his niece playing Mass Effect, huh?” brunette rised her eyebrow and she shook her head. „I still cannot believe that you’d actually done it. Why, the fuck? For what?”

„I wanted to help you, Lex.” Anya sighed. „And I already apologized for that.”

„For that? You’ll never apologize enough.” Clarke scoffed, but this time Lexa shook her head and put three teas on the table.

„Clarke, take it easy. She knows where her mistakes are.” she stated and sat next to her girlfriend.

„Thanks for understanding.”

„I’m not.” Lexa shrugged. „I don’t understand why and how could you even do such a thing to me. I know that maybe I am hard to deal with and that you might not like me but, anyway... I’m here to talk things through, not to be dealt with behind my back, An.” she sighed and Anya nodded sadly, looking into her mug.

„Look, I... I admit, I didn’t think this through. I know that you wanted me to do something else...”

„...or nothing.” Lexa blubbed, but Anya ignored that.

„...but the point is that I know that I screwed up. That’s the problem, I just messed up things and I am totally aware of that, okay? So there’s no need for your girlfriend to just mix me with the mud.”

„I am not.” Clarke was putting sugar into her tea. „Look, I just... I just want the best for Lexa.”

„Same as me.” Anya rolled her eyes. „But...”

„Can we just... stop?” Lexa asked finally and she glanced at her sister and her girlfriend. „Hey, I love you both, but in different way, so please, don’t make me hate you both in the same way, okay?” she asked and what she said forced Anya and Clarke to look at her with surprise. „I don’t want you to fight because of what had happened. It has passed, okay? Everything’s just fine.”

„I don’t...”

„So you better do, An.” Lexa stated, glancing at Anya. Her sister nodded and she turned silent, quite the same as Clarke. „Just... talk this through, please. Talking helps.” she stood up and grabbed her mug. „I’ll be upstairs if you’ll need me. Forgive me, but I have things to do.” she stated and then she left, climbing the stairs, not even trying to hear what the two the most important people in her life were talking about... if they were talking at all.

She closed the door behind her and she sat by her desk. She glanced at computer’s screen, but there wasn’t any annoucement of new message, so she assumed that it wasn’t received yet. If at all.

She lied on the chair and she sighed. She didn’t even think about how the things might be because of what happened... of course she meant the things between Anya and Clarke. She could understand her sister, because she just knew her – Anya prefered acting then thinking, being totally the opposite to Lexa who, duh, prefered first think things through several times in million possibilities included and then act, once and for all. She knew that Anya had a problem with planning and if she was doing it, there was high possibility that there would be holes in her plan. A huge ones.

And so it was this time. Lexa stretched on the chair and she sighed, trying to understand the luck that she had and she couldn’t, because it was just too abstractive for her. When she closed her eyes for a while, trying not to think about anything, she heard a quiet knocking on her door.

„Come in.” she said and then someone pulled the knob and in the doorway she could see Clarke. She smiled, seeing her girlfriend and then she invited her in once again, this time with a gesture.

„Everything’s okay, Lex?” blonde asked and brunette nodded.

„With you here? Couldn’t be better.” she smiled, spreading her arms and inviting Clarke to sit on her thigs. She didn’t require the second encouragement and invitation, she just came and sit where she was supposed to. She turned her face to Lexa’s and she just stared into her emerald eyes.  
They were a little bit nervous, but Clarke noticed that the anxiousness was disappearing, replaced with tranquility. Lexa entoured Clarke’s waist with her arms and she smiled, lying her forehead on Clarke’s shoulder. She felt blonde’s hand gently caressing her curly hair now tied into a messy bun.

„I can see that something’s not right, Lexa. What’s happening?” she asked, tenderly scratching brunette’s neck, causing shivering.

„I don’t know.” she sighed, shrugging. „You know, everything’s supposed to be okay, I mean... Costia’s being charged, Finn’s out of our lives, I suppose, but... I just don’t know what to think about all that, okay? It’s quite... I don’t really know. It’s really... blurry for me. I am just afraid.”

„Hey, honey...” Clarke caressed her back. „It would be okay.”

„I know that I am annoying with my constant complaining, but...”

„Lexa, no.” blonde shook her head and forced her girlfriend to look at her. „You’re not...”

„I am not talking about anything else recently...”

„Don’t.” Blue eyes met emerald ones and they were smiling. „I am aware that this time is tough time for you, but we’re in this together. I am for you, like you’ve been and you’re here for me. I know that even if you’re not in the best condition, like now... you’re always by my side.”

„I should show it more than I do.” Lexa sighed, but Clarke shook her head, smiling comfortingly and cupping brunette’s cheek.

„You’ve proved that you’re on my side and that my good is the thing that is the most important for you. In case you’ve forgotten, you firmly claimed that you would be able to let go your thesis and future just for me to feel comfortable by not being around Finn.”

„I love you, Clarke.” Lexa’s eyes tried to focus on one point, but they couldn’t. They were running between Clarke’s eyes and lips. „I wouldn’t let you... ahem.” she cleared her throat, but she didn’t have to finish the phrase. Blonde knew what she meant. But yet, she let her say next part. „I was also jealous, I... I didn’t want to share you with anybody.”

„You don’t have to, love.” Clarke smiled and her eyes also started wondering between Lexa’s lips and her emeralds. „You’re the one that I love, you’re my nerd and I am yours. Only yours.” she gently kissed Lexa’s cheek. „I am not willing to go to anyone. I know that’s hard to understand, you’ve told me that so many times, but... I still hope that one time you’ll believe in it finally.” she wanted to back off, but Lexatenderly put her hand in the back of Clarke’s neck, not letting her.

„I do, Clarke. I do believe that you want to be with me... otherwise you wouldn’t be with me, you know? I... I’m such a golden girl that I have you.”

„I think that I can say the same about me.” Clarke smiled and their foreheads bumped gently. „When I am with you I can finally feel totally free, completely fearless and... safe. These things that I have never felt being with anyone else. You’re... you’re special, Lexa.”

„So are you.” brunette smiled and she kissed Clarke, pulling her closer. Blonde didn’t resist, she happily followed Lexa’s lead. Their tongues met and they both smiled into each other’s lips. Body to body, breath to breath, they slowly stopped being two people, they emerged from feelings as one. Both, Clarke and Lexa felt that they finally found that one, the one that was called „soulmate”.

When they pulled each other even closer and almost started undressing with excitation, Lexa’s computer beeped, announcing that she received an e-mail. Clarke, knowing how important that thing was for Lexa, gently broke the kiss and when brunette seemed that she didn’t really know what was happening, blonde pointed her laptop.

„Oh, right.” Lexa nodded, trying to rest calm, but with Clarke, with her body, her scent, her everything... it was hard to focus on anything. Still having her on her lap, she turned to the computer and she opened her e-mail box.

„Oh shit.” She stated, reading the message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I hope you like it. We'll slowly heading to the end. :)
> 
> Thank you for all kudos, all comments you're leaving. I love you so much!
> 
> Take care and until next Friday!


	83. Very good news

„Honey?” Clarke glanced at Lexa. „What is it?”

„They accepted my request. I...” Brunette stuttered. „When I finish my thesis I... I would...”

„Is that about a PhD?” Clarke asked, trying to help Lexa gather her thoughts. She nodded expressively and she swallowed hard, blushing when Clarke caught her and hugged so strongly that Lexa thiught that she would certainly crush some of her ribs. „Oh my GOD, Lexa, you’re... I’m so proud of you!” she smiled widely.

„Thanks.” Lexa blushed hardly and Clarke kissed her so passionately that Lexa’s heart stopped for a second then it started beating even faster than it was supposed to. She returned the kiss, grabbing Clarke’s waist and pulling her closer. „I do like congratulations like that.” she smiled into Clarke’s lips and blonde returned the smile while tenderly biting her girlfriend’s lower lip.

„You deserved that so much.” she stated, approaching closer, even though brunette thought that wasn’t even possible. „You were so strong that... god.”

They couldn’t resist. The only thing that Anya heard from above was a loud thud when both, Lexa and Clarke, landed on the floor, entwined in each other’s arms.

*

„Hey, you two brats, what the fuck was that upstairs, huh?” Anya asked when they came down, smiling like crazy.

„Nothing you have to know about.” Lexa shrugged, but Anya smiled to Clarke, silently thanking her for helping Lexa open up and... finally allowing anybody to touch her.

„What’s the occasion then?” she asked, pointing at the huge bag of chips that Lexa just took out of one of kitchen’s shelves.

„Give her some time and you’ll have a doctor in the house.” Clarke smiled widely.

„You’re kidding me!” Anya’s eyes became bigger and she grinned, catching her sister in bear hug. „Jesus Christ, I’ve always believed that you can do it! My little nerdy sister, I’m so proud of youuu, doctor!”

„Geez, calm down, An...” Lexa barely released herself from the hug, but her sister didn’t want to let her go. It was more than visible that she was proud. „Calm down you all, I am not a doctor now and that’s possible I will not be, because I will not defend.” she sighed and Anya slapped her arm.

„Don’t you dare saying that.” she stated. „As long as you’re my sister, you’re the genius here and I will not stop calling you nerd, you hear me?”

„Yeah, I do.” Lexa sighed once again and she rolled her eyes. She prepared the chips and some drinks (for her non-alcoholic) and they sat on the couch, turning on the music and reaching out their hands for some board game. They finally chose Arkham Horror and they started to prepare the game.

„So... how’s Finn?” Anya asked when her character, Amanda Sharpe, was curing herself in the St. Mary’s Hospital after a huge fight with Shoggoth. „You know, after all that shit I...” she stuttered. „shit I put you through.”

„I suppose he’s on straight way to get expelled.” Lexa shrugged. „But you know, I am not really convinced if it would work.”

„Why so?” Clarke moved her Mandy Thompson to General Store and she sighed, looking at her girlfriend. „You don’t think that...?”

„I don’t really know what I think.” brunette stated, moving Carolyn Fern to The Witch House. „But I am pretty sure that he couldn’t be expelled because of his homophobia.” she moved her character to the Other World, R’lyeh, through the gate.

„And I sure hope he will.” Anya snapped. „He’s an asshole and... and he is a thief. Mind that he stole your work, so it’s quite a thing, doesn’t it?” Anya took the dice and started to play with it.

„If it wasn’t for you...” Clarke started, but a loud thud against the door interrupted her. The three of them jumped because of the noise, then they glanced at each other.

„What was that?” Anya asked. „Lexa, don’t...!” she tried to stop her sister, but brunette was quicker than her sister’s words. The thud repeated and she caught the knob.

„Bitch, please, don’t...” Anya shook her head and Clarke was halfway standing up when Lexa just pulled the door and she let go of the knob. Instead of third thud, Finn dropped in.

„You fucking gay...”

„..whore, yeah.” Lexa shut the door and she showed Clarke and Anya with a gesture that they should sit down, she could handle him.„You should be more creative, you’re throwing this on me every time. Now, what do you want.”

„You destroyed my career and my life. You took everything from me.” he snapped, standing straight and adjusting his shirt. His red face didn’t fit really good in this look.

„Because what? Because Clarke has her own mind and she can think for herself, seeing that you’re not the one she wants to be with?”

„You really think that she wants to be with you forever? She...” he tried to say something, but she shook her head, clicking her tongue and looking at him with slowly shaking head.

„Maybe she would not want to be with me forever, Collins.” Lexa crossed her arms. „But you know, what? I don’t care about forever, I care about now, and now she wants to be with me, and that’s the thing that you have to accept.” she stated. Clarke stood up and she approached Finn and Lexa, but she kept safe distance that Lexa showed her to.

„You think that...”

„You think that I am a woman, so I can’t think and speak for myself. That I am really not the one to say what’s good for me. But you know what? I am not. Everything’s up to me. If I wanted to be with you, I would be, but I don’t want you and I don’t love you. Your brain is fucking sick and I warn you, you say about my girlfriend once again that she’s a whore or you’ll say about her that she’s gay and you put in that word all of the negativity that you have inside, I will end you. And that wouldn’t be pleasant, Finn."

„You can also be sure that if you’ll ever approach Clarke again and if you’ll try to harm her in any way, I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Lexa said, lying her arm on Clarke’s shoulders. „Because we are happy together and I will be by her side as long as she will want me to.”

Finn didn’t say a word. He just attacked. The reaction was immediate, Lexa pushed Clarke aside and she used Finn’s acceleration and weight to throw him on the floor. Judo worked and he landed hardly, but no one was really concerned about that.

Clarke approached and she caught his shirt, lifted him and pushed against the wall, putting her forearm under his jaw. She pushed.

„Don’t you dare attack my girlfriend, you hear me?” she snapped. „I said something about getting closer or near her. I won’t accept you threatening my happiness. You think that I am making a mistake, but I feel that I am not. She respects me, so she is doing something you’ve never done. I want you out of my life, if not, you’ll regret that.”

And she just punched him, her fist straight against his face. This battle was lost to Finn’s face even before it really started.

„If you would ever harass any of us, You’ll meet us all as a team and, believe me or not, you’ve never seen harassement before.” Anya stated, standing up and approaching, standing behind the most powerful couple she had ever known. "Now, get out of my house."

Finn wasn’t able to do it himself. Lexa was too fast for him. She grabbed him by his coat and she pulled him, opened the door and before she threw him across the threshold, she whispered to his ear:

„If I see you or smell you or even hear about you anywhere near Clarke, I will take care of you. I won’t be gentle, I won’t be pleasant. I will unleash all the aggresion that I am holding inside, just beacuse I don’t want to harm you too bad right now. I will unleash all the gay whore I have inside and if you’ll survive the meeting with me, you’ll deeply regret that you did.” she stated. „So you better watch out.”

And then she just threw him as he was just a ball that she was training with during the training with The Raccoons.

„Don’t you dare ever come back.” Clarke said and then Lexa shut the door and locked it form inside. „God, you’re...”

„Hot.” Anya nodded. „For a nerd you’re so strong and firm I... I really doubt that anybody would see the nerd in you.”

„I do.” Clarke smiled, caressing Lexa’s collarbone and Anya rolled her eyes.

„I think that King in Yellow won’t be waiting for us any longer.” Lexa smiled and she pulled Clarke by the hand to the table. Anya rolled her eyes once again.

„Oh yeah, how could I ever doubt in your nerdiness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, new chapter! I thought that studying, working and writing would be so tough, but as long as I can see it's not so hard. Even though I apologize for shorter chapters, I hope that you liked it anyway. :) let me know what you think!
> 
> Thank you all for being here, for reading, for leaving kudos and comments, they're everything for me!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	84. Just a day

„Lexa?” Clarke asked the next day in the morning. She felt her girlfriend slightly move in the sheets, but she didn't say a word. „Lexa?”

„Mmm?” she finally murmured and her naked shoulder peered out from under the cover. „What is it?” she asked and Clarke smiled a little when she caught the tribal tattoo on brunette's arm.

„Nothing really... I just wanted to say good morning.” she stated and Lexa stretched a little, revealing her curves.

„Good morning.” Lexa smiled, lying on her elbow and she gently kissed Clarke. They both smiled inside the kiss. „How was your sleep?”

„Short.” blonde chuckled softly. „But that was one of the best nights I spent with you, to be honest.”

„So I assume I am getting better and better at what I am doing.” Brunette poked Clarke's nose with her own and she smiled wider. So did blonde. However, Lexa was a little bit in a cocky mood, so she just lied down again and she turned her back to Clarke. Blonde didn't mind, she actually liked observing her girlfriend in her „natural habitat” as Anya was used to call her room and, especially, bed. Even when Lexa was vulnerable, she still had this thing in her that Clarke claimed as confidence and power.

„Of course you are.” she nodded, even if she knew that her interlocutor wasn't able to see that move. She reached out her hand and she gently touched Lexa's back tattoo. Her fingers followd the path of circles and lines, causing a shiver down Lexa's spine. Brunette stretched and she started almost purring. Clarke could assume that brunette liked that. She lied next to her, her head on her hand, still looking at Lexa's back, imagining her girlfriend when she was tattooing herself. She smiled, but she couldn't picture that.

„When exactly did you get that tattoo?” she asked after a while, but Lexa didn't answer at once. Clarke scratched gently her back and brunette groaned, even though she really liked that feeling.

„I was like... sixteen maybe?” she asked herself, but she sounded like she didn't really care. „Or seventeen, something like that, maybe that was somewhere around my birthday. Yeah, I guess so. I wanted to hurt myself so badly, but I convinced myself that I don't want to have another attempt and I knew that tattooing is not really the most painless thing on the world. So I decided to go and get one on my own. I always liked and enjoyed them. So the girl that was tattooing me had her vision of something I might have on my back and I just trusted her... and she had not let me down, as you can see.”

„Can I ask what is its meaning? Of course if it's personal you don't really have to tell me.” Blonde's eyes were fixed on Lexa's spine and brunette shrugged her shoulder.

„Of course you can, Clarke.” she smiled, but she didn't turn to face her girlfriend. She enjoyed her fingers on her spine way too much. „As you can see I had issues since I remember, but they got worse when I was ten, five years after I got to the orphanage. You know, I was always strange and anxious, but then it all got a lot worse than it was.That's the seven circles, each one for a year, one step closer to the recovery or being free. No matter which way.” she sighed, but Clarke didn't interrupt her. She caressed her shoulder and Lexa smiled a little, feeling that her girlfriend wanted to comfort her. „These lines that are leading to the open circle is a way of my life. Rough, not straight and certainly not the one that a common human would choose. There were paths that were blind, that were leading to nowhere. But after all there is the last circle, on the top, new life, something different than I knew before. It was supposed to mean a change, like... my future. Which is now, I suppose. I finally reached something that I can name as »happy ending«, with you, my sister, my opened PhD and... generally my life is not so screwed up again. And the infinity sign with these dots is a symbol that nothing is infinite, even if it seems to be. Nothing is infinite, not even love... unless we want it to be and we try to make it that way.”

„That's... great.” blonde wa stunned. „She had to know you well.”

„Actually, she didn't know a thing about me.” Lexa moved and she finally turned to Clarke. „She was a total stranger to me and she just tattooed what she assumed would match. And she didn't make a mistake.”

„That's weird, but, anyway, I like the story.” Clarke smiled, caressing Lexa's second tattoo. „And what's with this one?”

„Oh, that was just a simply will to have something else. Tattoo convent and a tribal artist.”

„That suits you.” blonde smiled, approaching a little. Lexa smiled too when she saw pale skin of Clarke's cleavage and a small hint that blonde wasn't even dressed underneath the cover. She reached out her hand and she pulled her closer, their bodies met, heat collide.

„Thank you.” brunette stated quietly between two kisses. „I am glad that you're not the one who is actually hating the tattoos.”

„If it wasn't for them, I would neither notice nor find you, Lexa.” Clarke moved closer to her girlfriend and their knees met. Blonde pushed her leg between Lexa's, just because there was warmth. Brunette didn't oppose.

„Then I'm glad even more that I have them.” she stated when their foreheads bumped. „I love you, Clarke. I can't imagine...”

„Neither do I, Lex.” Clarke put her finger on brunette's lips. „But I don't want to think about that. I just want to think about what's here and now, okay? I want us to last. And I want to make sweet love to you.”

„You're saying that morning sex is better than the night one?” Lexa smirked, but Clarke winked.

„I'm saying that I read that it's actually different. And I will be more than happy to find out how much truth they put into this article.”

„Why not then.” Lexa smiled right into the kiss and they just sank into the moment.

*

„You know what?” Clarke tried to catch her breath. „As a bisexual I can tell, for sure, that women are better. Seriously. And... not as bisexual I can tell that maybe they were right in that article, but I think that they didn't know how much of an animal you have inside.”

„So, you're telling me that it was the same as before?” Lexa said in low voice and Clarke shivered. She swallowed hard feeling excitaton and arousal one more time, but she shook her head.

„No, it was different. I cannot be bored with you, Lex. Never.” she smiled, kissing her girlfriend with passion. Lexa returned the kiss. „You have training today, right?” she asked with slight complaint in her voice when she glanced at her watch.

„Indeed.” Lexa stretched, provoking Clarke, but blonde, barely, but persisted.

„Can I go with you?”

„You're asking as I am about to refuse you this right, sweetheart.” Lexa kissed Clarke's collarbone and she sat on the edge of her bed. Her curves were greatly visible then and Clarke held her breath for a while. She just wanted to admire the moment and reach out her hand to touch Lexa again, but brunette was faster. She stood up, showing her body in full picture. Clarke sighed with awe.

„Everything's all right?” Lexa glanced at her above her shoulder and the only thing that Clarke could think of was to pull out her phone from under the pillow and shoot a photo.

„You're perfect, Lexa.” she stated, showing brunette's her artwork. „Please, don't argue.”  
Lexa's gaze stopped somewhere around blonde's breasts. She smiled and blushed pretty hard this time, causing Clarke's smile to go wider.

„We really need to go, Clarke.” Lexa stated and she grabbed her clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided to write a chapter that is not really pushing the plot forward, but I thought it would be nice to have some fluff here. Just because. I hope you liked it. :)
> 
> Thanks for all comments and kudos here! You're amazing! I love y'all!
> 
> Take care and until next Friday! :)


	85. Software

The weeks were passing, Lexa and Clarke's relationship was blooming and everybody seemed to be somehow happy. Finn had to find himself another university to study on, because of his homophobic ideas. One day Raven heard that his parents refused to give him money, because of what he'd done. They knew Clarke and they were really disappointed in Finn that he couldn't respect her choices.

Raccoons and Warriors were in for the finals and both, Octavia nad Lexa were training hard. Even though Clarke wasn't present on Warriors' training, she didin't missed one of Raccoons. She just admired her girlfriend aggresive yet very thoughtful way of playing. She wasn't the captain, but Callie Cartwig was very respectful towards Lexa's strategic ideas. They always appeared to be useful and on point. Callie appreciated that and all of what Lexa was doing for the Raccoons reminded her, why Cartwig wanted her to be the next captain.

„I heard that you're planning on staying here, right?” she asked one day and Lexa nodded.

„If I'm lucky, why not?” she smiled. „But I don't really know if it would be as a student. In fact... I highly doubt it, Callie.” Lexa stated and her friend nodded, full of thoughts.

„But... you will be able to be Raccoon's captain, right?”

„I don't know.” brunette sighed. She knew that not everything would be so colorful as she dreamt it would.

She was hardworking on her paper. She just wanted to make it right. She was doing research, sitting in the engineery room in the E-building and she, from time to time, was seeing Raven there. Professor Green and Wick were more often around her and sometimes it happened even Diyoza to visit her.

The days were passing, full of thoughts,activities and hard work. One day when Lexa was sitting in the programming room, trying to develop some program to enhance the engine's software, she heard silent knocking, but she didn't even turn around.

„Come in.” she stated, fingers still on the keyboard, clicking in the pace that few could achieve. The trace of her touch was leaving the lines of the code on the screen.

„Hey, do you have a minute?” she heard Clarke's voice and then she wrote the last line of the code and she turned around on her revolving chair immediately.

„For you? Always.” she smiled shyly, because she knew that lately they were meeting less than normally, because of all the work she had to do. Clarke had also her courses, art things that she just needed to finish and simply do, so Lexa thought that not disturbing her would be the best choice for that moment.

Clarke nodded, approached and she sat on the next chair she spotted. In front of Lexa. She didn't really smile, so brunette saw that something was bothering her girlfriend.

„Hey, everything's all right?” she asked and Clarke sighed, not looking at her.

„I don't know.” she stated. „I just... I am afraid that we're... distant lately. I have an impression that you don't want me anymore.”

Lexa's eyes widened with fear and she immediately shook her head, forcing her chair to move and she approached Clarke. She took her by the hands.

„I do want you, sweetheart.” she said in soothing voice, making blonde look at her. She could see the sorrow and pain in blue eyes and Lexa's heart ached because she knew that was her fault. „I apologize, love, because I was... you know, absorbed because of my work and all the activities I have on my head and I just... neglected you.”

„I'm not really talking about your works, Lexa.” Clarke stated. „Because I knew what I was in for when I met you. Dancing, handball, engineering, judo... I knew that you're multitasking and I don't have anything against that. I appreciate that you can actually make everything work just on time.”

„Then what's the problem, Clarke?” Lexa was even more anxious.

„You're... I think that something's is wrong. You're not writing to me so often, we're not talking too much lately... why is that? Did I do something wrong?” Clarke's eyes were full of sorrow and lack of understanding.  
„No, Clarke.” Lexa shook her head expressively. „I just... I thought that you need a little space. You know, the finals are coming, you are in the art major, so... this requires a lot of work, even more than I have, sweetie. I didn't want to disturb you.” she stated and Clarke's eyes widened.

„You want to say that you just drifted aside because you wanted to give me space for my arts?” she asked without belief, and Lexa, suddely not so sure about that, nodded with hesitation.

„Y-yeah? Why?”

„Jesus christ, Lexa, don't do that to me again! You're my art! You're the one I have the most pleasure painting, drawing, photographing! You're my perfect model and I don't want you to be aside, because without you, I don't have my muse to even think of going on!” she facepalmed and Lexa blushed.

„That's... very nice of you, Clarke, thanks. And... sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. I still love you and I still want to be with you. I promise, when this dissertation will be over, I will have a lot more free time to take care of you properly...”

„I don't blame you for not spending time with me.” Clarke smiled. „Because, in fact, you are and I always admire, not understanding though, how are you doing this. You know, full plate, but you always have a time for me.”

„I just really, really care about you, Clarke.” Lexa smiled and blonde nodded. Then Lexa's sight stopped on what Clarke was carrying with her. „What's that?”

„That's my final paper, my love.” she stated, showing a big sheet of paper and pulling her case with pencils and rubbers out of her bag. „And that's-” she pointed Lexa „-is my model for it. I need you to work. As you were before. Pretend that I am not here, okay? Just focus on what you were doing, can you?”

„Actually yes, because I really need to write this fucking code and I don't really know how.”.

„I'm sure you can figure it out.” Clarke smiled, making a place on one among the tables that were around. She approached Lexa and kissed her into the cheek. „You always do.”

Lexa blushed a little, but when she turned her head at Clarke, her girlfriend was preparing the tools for drawing, so she couldn't return the kiss. She still didn't want to disturb her. Clarke was always so peaceful and great when she was doing something she was so dedicated to. Passionate about. Lexa knew that drawing was one of these things.

  
*

„MOTHERFUCKER, I'M AWESOME!” Lexa shouted after long hours of sitting without even a single move.

„No, you're not.” she heard Raven's voice and creeking of the door. „Because why?”

„Because I just finished the enhancing programme compatible with the engine I developed! A little check-ups and not so much adjustements and it will be finished.”

„You are awesome.” Raven nodded with appreciation and she rushed towards the Computer Lexa was sitting by. She wanted to see. „Jesus christ, you really did it.”

„Yeah, indeed.” she nodded. „I just need to check it up, so I can write about that in my evaluaton paper and...”

„Can I assist you with that?” latina asked so excitated that Lexa couldn't say no to her.

„Can I?” Clarke asked, scaring the hell out of Raven.

„What the fuck are you doing here? This is E-room!” she laid her hand on her heart and started breathing heavily. „It's not your place to be, unless...” she glanced at Lexa and then at Clarke. „Jesus, please, don't say that you were...”

„Yeah, no, Raven, please, don't. That's a lab, not a bedroom, okay?” Lexa raised her eyebrow. „And, for both of you, the answer is yes. I don't know if it will work, though.” she shrugged, she took the computer that was used to connect with car softwares and she just went out of the room.

„Seriously, what are you doing here?” Raven asked with surprise and Clarke sighed, pointing her sketchwork.

„I'm working on my final paper. Art, you know. I am drawing.”

Raven approached a little and she saw a huge drawing of Lexa by the desk, focused on the programme, with every little detail of her face. The environement of the room wasn't ready yet, but latina was sure that Clarke could fix this up.

„Wow, that's great.” Raven nodded with appreciation.

„You goin'?” Lexa shouted. „I won't be waiting for you guys!”

So they followed with excitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that's it. I don't really know what to write here, because I just realized that I had so much on my plate that I almost forgot about writing that chapter. Forgive me, if it's not the way you wanted. Sometimes I just want to be like this Lexa - she can cope with everything and my time management is just hopeless.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it and thank you for all comments and kudos! They're brightening my day! I love you, guys!
> 
> Take care, until Friday!


	86. Success

„I knew that this was too great to be true.” Lexa sighed.

„What exactly happened?” Raven asked. „You didn't even run it.”

„Because I know it would fail. There's a mistake in the calculations I've made.” brunette shrugged, lying her laptop on the table in the room and she started scrolling the code. Raven groaned quietly when she saw how much effort and time brunette had to put in it. Although she didn't believe that Lexa made a mistake.

„Run it. Just check.” she stated and Lexa shrugged, then she connected the computer with engine's software. She tried, just to show Raven that she was right.

„See? I told you.”

„Lexa, I don't really get what's going on here.” Clarke approached, but she didn't know what it was all about... of course apart from that Lexa was sad, because something wasn't working the way it was supposed to. Blonde didn't get why she hadn't tried to run that though.

„I made a mistake, okay?” Lexa snapped. She was upset, but she was angry as well. She failed and she was furious about that, but the only thing that was actually the best to do this time was to try to fix what she did wrong. And she knew that.

She took her mug and sipped the tea from it, trying to figure out which variable wasn't correct. She just fled with her mind and both, Raven and Clarke, wasn't really surprised about that. When Lexa was on the run, it was possible to do strange things, loud things, all kind of things and they could be sure that brunette wouldn't even notice a thing. She was so passionate and that was one among a lot of things that Clarke loved about her girlfriend.

„She can do this all day, does she?” Raven asked and Clarke nodded with smile on her face.

„Indeed. But you know how it works.” she stated, observing carefully Lexa's thin fingers dancing on the keyboard, correcting places where she thougt there were mistakes. „She just wants to do things right. And everybody here supports her.”

„That's right.” latina nodded without hesitation. „You know, I just wonder how she does it.”

„Huh?” Clarke was focused on Lexa's posture that was telling them that she might been close to the solution. „She does what?”

„All this. You know, she indeed is a cyborg I think. She does judo, dancing and handball as well as her job here. And she's doing it damn well.”

„I know.” Clarke smiled. „Look, she figured it out.”

She was right; Lexa finished coding and she took the cable and connected the engine with her laptop. She exhaled sharply, internally praying to anything that was above to help her, and then she hit enter.

The applet that opened went batshit crazy. All Clarke had seen were numbers like in Matrix and she didn't understand a thing. Then some code appeared and Lexa stepped in. She started typing and both, blonde and latina, were amazed because of her pace. And because of her knowledge.

Lexa was performing as she was doing sandwiches. Simply and relaxing thing, she was chilled and in that moment she seemed to be quite satisfied with the results she gained.

„Honey, is...?” Clarke approached a little and she deicded to ask. Brunette raised one finger for a moment and she was back to typing, giving her girlfriend a sign that she needed a little more time on her own. Clarke nodded and she was waiting patiently for her scientist to finish her task.

She was observing Lexa opening another one applet and typing something in the new window, and her action was followed with results in another data. Clarke was totally lost, but Lexa seemed happy this time.

„Everything's okay?” blonde asked and her gilfriend nodded, adjusted her glasses and she glanced at her with wide smile. Raven approached too and she was waiting for answer.

„Indeed!” Lexa stated. „The simiulation actually told me that everything should be just fine.”

„That sounds like...” latina started and brunette nodded, making her stop. „No shit.”

„Yes, I have to call professor Green. If he has time, maybe we can give it a shot now.” Lexa grinned and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

„What happened?” Clarke asked and Raven grinned same as Lexa did.

„She did it, Clarke.” she stated. „She nailed it.”

*

„Okay, so everything here looks just fine, miss Woods.” Professor Green stated when he was flicking through the code Lexa made. He smiled, pointing the cart ring nearby. „If you want, you can do the honors.” he smiled.

„Really?” Lexa's eyes become wider when she actually acknowledged what Green was talking about. She was supposed to be a driver of this car, but she couldn't because of the beating that she received back in the day. And in that moment...

„And if miss Reyes would be so kind, she could assist you there.”

„Really?” latina's reaction was quite the same. Clarke smiled. That wasn't her thing at all, but she was happy to see these two jerks having so much fun. And she was so proud of her girlfriend.

„Suit up and get in!” he pointed the ring. „And in the meantime me and miss Griffin would observe what you achieved, miss Woods.” Green smiled and both, Lexa and Raven nodded, rushing to the changing room.

„I can't believe we're doing that.” Lexa stated. Raven grinned and she glanced at her.

„And that's all thanks to you, nerd.” she said. Lexa blushed and latina laughed. „Don't get so shy, you deserved that!”

„I don't know if it would work... or how exactly. I think there will be some adjustements and enhancements required, that's for sure, but...”

„But for now SUIT UP AND LET'S GET STARTED, BITCH!” Raven put on the racing suit. „I can't wait to try.”

„Neither can I.” Lexa smiled. Raven patted her back and when they were ready, they just went back and they got into the enhanced car. Everyone was counting on Lexa's beautiful mind to create something that could help them win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it goes, another chapter. I hope you liked it. :) I hope that your Halloween and All Saints were good and that everything is just fine.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments, I am always so happy to receive them!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	87. The Fun

„Do you hear me, miss Woods?”

„Loud and clear, sir.” Lexa stated right after she and Raven sat into the car and fastened seatbelts.

„You're sure that you can drive?” latina glanced at her friend and Lexa smirked.

„You bet.” she stated and she switched the key. Engine started and they felt vibrations from under their seats.

„You know, I always liked you...” Raven caught edges of her seat, because she was sure that Lexa would make her pray for her life.

„Vice versa, Rae.” Lexa rushed to the circuit.

„How's the car?”

She quickly glanced at the measurements.

„Well, at least for now. Smoothly accelerating, no yanking when changing the gears.” Lexa raported and, as she was speaking, she accelerated.

„What the fuck are you doing?” Raven groaned when she was observing needle on the speedometer that was moving fastly from left to right side of the circle. „THE CURVE!”

„I know.” Lexa smirked again and she slowed down a little and when they were on the arch, she stepped on the pedale once again, sticking Raven's back to the seat.

„All systems seem to be steady.” she reported, checking the variables that she could see. „How about yours measurements, sir?”

„Seems legit. All is good, acceleration is improved, that's what I can say.”

„Can you make it fly?” Raven chilled out a bit and now she was just curious how the things can work in the car she was in. It seemed like she was in the miracle that was actually able to be driven and Lexa made it even greater than it was. Latina, as an engineer, wanted to know every detail, even if her questions were out of that world a bit.

„I certainly can't, Rae.” Lexa snorted with laughter. „But I can make it chase the speed of light.”

„No, you can't.” Raven's eyes widened when she glanced at her companion. They were both in helmets, but Lexa's voice and its intonation were saying that brunette wasn't fucking around. She was quite sure of what she'd done with both, the car and the engine.

„Yes, I can.” She stated once again. „Professor, can I?”

„Do the honors.” In the exact moment she obtained permission, Lexa took next curve, then pulled up a whisk on the driving wheel and she pushed the button that was installed underneath.

„HERE WE ARE!” she shouted, when car responded exactly how she wanted it to respond. The needle met the end of the scale, but the machine seemed to be capable of going even faster than it already was. Both of them, Raven and Lexa, felt a little lift of the materials and then the feeling was like they had been shot out of cannon when car accelerated to the speed they couldn't measure.

„Okay, be careful, last lap!” Green said in the comm and Lexa took one curve then another, slightly moderating the speed, as she was professional race driver.

„I've also improved the brakes, sir.” she reported when she was at the last curve and when she accelerated a bit when she was out of it. Raven was amazed, because during the whole lap the needle on the speedometer didn't even budge.

She reached the finish line and then she ordered Raven to be careful and she just pushed the brake to the core. They stopped almost immediately.

„HOW THE FUCK...!” Raven unfastened her belts and she was out of the car in one second. Lexa followed. „Hell yeah!” Raven screamed,reached out her hand and waited for Lexa to give her a high-five, which she did. „YOU DID IT, YOU NERD!”

„Of course she did, miss Reyes.” Green was out of the cabin and Clarke was following him with wide smile on her face. She approached Lexa and gave her a big hug. Raven joined at the end and the helmets bumped. When they did, both of them just took them off. „Miss Woods, I think that you just did a great thing. The measurements are promising-” he pulled out a bunch of papers with something printed on them and started flicking through. „-acceleration was improved, as I said, the computers said that it was from 4.5 seconds to 2.3 seconds 0 to 100, I don't know how you managed that in that exact car, but I am very impressed. Also, the high speed that you was able to force this car to make increased from 150 kph to 240 kph. Just... brilliant.”

„It's not when you're a gamer, sir.” Lexa blushed. „You know, nitrogen peroxide in well-placed tubes and that's the work.”

„What?” Raven rised her eyebrow when Clarke and Lexa laughed.

„ _Need for Speed_ and _Mass Effect_ did the trick. If the difusors are placed in good places in the undercarriage and they have good angle... they can do miracles, believe me.”

„I don't have to believe it, master.” Raven grinned. „I saw it. I felt it.”

*

„Lexa, what happened? Everything worked just fine, why are you so sad?” Clarke asked when they both were sitting in Lexa's room and they could hear Raven downstairs, giving them some space. They knew that laina would finally end up there with them. It was a time to cheer.

„Nothing really.” brunette shrugged. „It's just... you know. I am just concerned, because I do know that this car needs several adjustements and...”

The truth hit Clarke with the force of a hammer. Lexa wasn't sad. She was trying multitasking and that was the reason why she was so silent.

„But you're actualy...?”

„Pretty satisfied with the results I've achieved? Oh yes, certainly, Clarke.” she smiled and she scratched her neck. „You know, I thought that I won't be capable of doing such a thing and what I did is just... I thought that was impossible.”

„For you there's nothing that could be impossible.” Clarke smiled and Lexa nodded, smiling too.

„For us, Clarke.” she stated. „For us. If it wasn't for you, that's more than possible that I would just threw this project out of my life at some point.”

„Don't be so dramatic.” blonde approached and kissed her neck. „You couldn't just leave this. And even if you did... it wouldn't be for long time.” next kiss on brunette's neck. Lexa couldn't resist, she cupped Clarke's cheek and she forced her to lift her head and look at her. She smiled and blonde did the same.

„You're my inspiration to achieve goals I've never thought I would reach.” she whispered and her eyes were strolling between Clarke's eyes and her lips. Blue eyes were doing exactly the same thing on Lexa's face.

„And you're my muse.” she smiled, approaching. Brunette felt warm, fresh breath on her lips and she shivered. „My only muse and I won't let anybody take away what you love... what we both love.”

„I would love to show something to you, because I recently did it, but...” Lexa started stuttering, but Clarke thought that she would have time to say it later. And, without any other word, they kissed. Alas, the kiss did not last long, just because there was a loud thud on the door and they opened. Raven kicked in with wide smile on her face and with large pack of chips in hands.

„Oh, great, my loves, we're here to party!” she shouted. „You'll have time to kiss or even to have sex when Anya is back and I will have to take care of her. After we party together, because you're a fucking genius!”

„Have you ever thought of tying her and hiding in the garage? Or cellar? Or a wordrobe?” Lexa sighed.

„If only once.” Clarke sighed too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. :) nerd fun is always fun, I know that even more since the moment when my coding finally worked. Even if it was simple css coding.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for being here, commenting, leaving kudos! You're the best!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	88. Surprise

Anya and Raven took care of each other after three hours of permanent partying. Clarke and Lexa shut the door of brunette's room with relief.

„I don't know how they are capable of partying that long.” Lexa sighed, sitting on the floor. She smiled and Clarke did the same.

She sat next to her girlfriend and she laid her head on her shoulder. Lexa entoured her with her arm. „Neither am I.” she said. „But, anyway, you still want to show me what you did recently?”

Lexa stiffed for a moment, but she finally smiled when she realized about what her love was talking.

„Oh yeah, indeed I would, but... I don't know if you're ready. And not too tired.”

„I will never be too tired for something you've done.” blonde smiled. „But it's your call.”

„Then give me a few minutes, please.” Lexa smiled and she disappeared behind the curtain that Clarke hadn't noticed before.

*

The lights got dim and Clarke rised her head to look around. She didn't know what was going on, but she knew that something was happening. The curtain moved a little, like somebody was blowing in it, but blonde didn't feel any puff of air. She was sitting on the floor with straightened back and she was awaiting. She knew that if Lexa did something, it would be spectacular. The music started.

 _„You got me so wild, how can I ever deny, you got me so high, so high I cannot feel the fire...”_  

The curtain fell down, showing Clarke construction that she didn't expect in her deepest fantasies. It was a pole, attached to both, the floor and the ceiling. She was looking at Lexa's performance that nobody else would ever be able to see.

She saw Lexa in very short skirt made from leather strips. She thought that she had seen it before and she recalled that The Grounders had similar ones, but much longer. Clarke liked that one, though. It was showing Lexa's long and muscled legs, the ones that blonde liked observing when moving. Especially during the dance. Apart from the skirt brunette had also had her leather bra made from strips as well and that was it. She had also had warpaint on her face, not so dark as last time, but still visible, making her look even hotter than ever.

_„And you keep telling me, telling me that you'll be sweet, and you'll never gonna leave my side, as long as I don't break these promises, and they still feel all so wasted on myself...”_

She caught the pole so firmly that Clarke stopped breathing for a moment. Next thing she saw was Lexa swirling around the chrome surface doing things with her body that blonde would never think a person could do. Light was on her, it was showing all her working muscles, all her work she did just to please Clarke. And, what was more, she was singing too. Her voice teamed up with the dance gave her girlfriend awe that she wasn't expect to feel.

_„I'm your dream girl, this is real love, but you know what they say about me. That girl is a problem, girl is a problem, girl is a problem, problem, and they still feel all so wasted on myself...”_

Lexa's moves were confident, firm and full of sex appeal. Clarke couldn't take her eyes off her even if she really would want to, which she didn't. She was staring at her girlfriend with big eyes and even bigger smile on her face. She felt herself blushing, but she ignored that for the moment. She wanted to just be there and watch. Experience the new side of her girlfriend, the courageous and sexy one, the brave. She was very impressed because of Lexa's change during their relationship. Starting with quiet and hiding anxious girl, through the self-aware introvert straight to the introverted bitch that could bravely stand for what she wanted, not hiding her true self, just appreciating who she really was. That was amazing. And Clarke felt a little proud, she wanted to believe that she helped Lexa gain what she had. Even if her role wasn't much.

_„Sweat, dripping down your chest, thinking 'bout your tattooed knuckles on my thigh girl, girl, girl. Cold, shower you got no, power to control, how I make you my toy, toy, toy...”_

Lexa's move were more and more confident. Her curves, her tattoos, her body, everything that was her, made Clarke sweat. The incredible performance started to be even more incredible when Lexa slid gratiously from the pole and she approached to Clarke, reaching out her hand. Blonde took it without hesitation.

_„My hips rocking as we keep lips locking got the neighbors screaming even louder, louder. Lick me down like you were rolling rizla I'm smoking come and put me out, so wasted on myself...”_

Brunette got Clarke in the dance. They were both rocking their hips and Clarke though that was actually great experience. Lexa was great leader and blonde felt so free in her arms. No judgment, no sarcastic comments, Clarke could be herself. And even the shouts coming out from Raven's throat weren't really disturbing. Both of them, Clarke and Lexa, were focused on each other. Their eyes met, blue clashed with emerald and they smiled. Brunette were still singing, but the song was dying on her lips, Clarke knew that, she could see that, just because she knew that in both pair of eyes, in Lexa's as much as in her own, there was a thirst for each other.

 _„You're my dream girl, this is real love, and I know what they say about you. That girl is a problem, girl is a problem, girl is a problem, problem. Oh baby, you so bad girl, drive me mad girl, but I don't care what they say about you. That girl is a problem, girl is a problem...”_ Clarke joined Lexa and brunette smiled when she noticed that blonde adjusted the lyrics. They both saw _Pitch Perfect 2_.

 _„And they still feel so wasted on myself.”_ Lexa ended, her hands still on Clarke's hips. Blonde didn't wait, she just cupped brunette's cheeks and she kissed her girlfriend passionately. „I hope that...”

„I loved it, you sexy beast.” Clarke made Lexa close her mouth with even more passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff it is. I kinda liked the idea of sexy beast in warpaint, I'm so sorry. XD
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it, leave comments, kudos, whatever you like! And thanks for all you've already left! You're great!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	89. The work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Clexas100, Happy Birthday to one of my favourite readers!

Knocking on the door forced Anya to just stood up from the computer and to open them. She wasn't expecting anyone, so she was quite surprised when she saw Clarke, standing in front of her, waiting for someone. She seemed to be rather impatient and worried. Anya glanced ath her watch and she had seen that it was quite late for visiting hours. At least for normal people.

„Clarke, to what do I...?” she started, stepping aside just to let her friend in and, when blonde did, she just interrupted her.

„Everything all right with Lexa?” she asked, trying to stay calm, but she wasn't really convinced that worked. Her hands were shaking, she wasn't in the good condition, Anya noticed.

„I think so, why?” she rised her eyebrow with non-verbal proof of surprise.

„She's not responding to anything for over a week. When I was there for the party... when I left I told her that I was going for the trip from my art classes, you know, for a week. And then she was okay. And now, I'm back and she is not writing, not responding, not anything. Is she all right?”

„I believe so, yes.” Anya nodded. „She's in her room, so if you just would like to check up on her there, feel free to do so.”

„Do you know why she is not...?”

„Maybe she's too absorbed with her work. I don't really know, Clarke, but I was working this whole week harder than ever, you know, peak time, so we weren't really seeing each other during that time.”

Clarke groaned. She was thinking about the worst possible end that might happen. That Lexa, alone, could do something stupid, even if she didn't really have reason to do so. Just the relapse of suicidal thoughts or very bad mood, especially when she was working on her thesis. Clarke was terrified.

„Why didn't you call? I would check up on her.” Anya tried to comfort her friend, seeing that she was nervous. „I think that she's all right. Go and check yourself.”

Clarke nodded and, without further encouragement, she just ran upstairs and she knocked to Lexa's door. She didn't obtain the answer, so she tried stronger. Finally, when she nearly slammed the door with the fist, she heard a weak „come in” said in Lexa's voice.  
She pushed the door and all she had seen for severeal minutes was darkness with only one point that was lightened up – Lexa's computer's screen. Word opened, text on the screen and Lexa was sitting before it. She turned around on her revolving chair and she glanced at her girlfriend.

„Clarke?” she asked quietly when blonde did two or three hesitant steps towards her.

„Jesus Christ, Lexa.” she sighed, when she saw her better. Lexa's eyes had shadows under them, they were slightly unconscious, tired because of the screen's light... and her girlfriend was totally tired. Clarke could tell that without even asking about that. To confirm her suspicions that Lexa wasn't really sleeping too much, she saw the army of mugs with the remains of coffee. And, of course, smashed cans that remained after energy drinks. „What...?”

„I'm working on my thesis, Clarke.” brunette sipped from the can, before blonde even reacted.

„How many hours straight, love?” she didn't have the strenght to be mad. She was just worried. Like, a lot.

„I didn't count.” Lexa shrugged, saving the file. „Anyway, I'm almost done with that.”

„What?” Clarke's eyes widened. „Almost done? With thesis?”

„I have like... hundred and fifty pages and I almost finished that. I think that... maybe two days more and I will be done.”

„Two days more, Lexa, and you'll be dead from exhaustion.” Clarke sighed. „When was last time you've slept?”

„I can't really recall.” Lexa shrugged once again. „But my organism is doing great, for real, love.”

„I'm not convinced.” Clarke crossed her arms, approaching and she knelt before her girlfriend, lying her hands on her knees. „Lexa, please, you need to take care of yourself. I know that your brain is beautiful and really, really genious, but if you will not take care of your body, it would be a great waste. Brain and body are couple. They are going together, in symbiosis.”

„I know, Clarke.” Lexa smiled. She seemed to be too skinny, she seemed to be even sick. Blonde sighed and she cupped brunette's cheek. „I just... I just tried not to miss you too much.”

„You're not sleeping because I was away?” Clarke heart skipped a beat. She wasn't sure if that was cute or terryfying. „Why didn't you say...?”

„Because I didn't want you to think that I am emotionally blackmailing you, love.” Lexa sighed. „I was coping with that. I get too attached to you, but being on the relationship is not about being together all the time, I am aware. I just need to learn how to live with someone, Clarke. And I know that I will finally...”

„Hey, it's okay.” Clarke smiled and she sat on Lexa's lap. Brunette smiled widely too and they stared at each other's eyes. „I get it. And you know what? You already know how to live with someone. And you can tell me that you're missing me, you know? That's adobrable.” she kissed Lexa. „Please, call me next time. Talking helps.”

„Yeah, I guess so. Our conversations are really healing for me.”

„For me too.” Clarke nodded. „Now, tell me, how much you've done when I was out. And what is this all about. And, what's the most important, when you will have your dissertation defense?”

„The last question is the hardest, Clarke.” Lexa smiled, even if her face looked exhausted. „But, to be honest, I think that if professor Green will give me green light, I will be able to do it even this year.”

„No shit.” Clarke was amazed. „Jesus Christ, I'm so happy for you, Lexa!”

„Me too, love.”

„But you need to sleep. And to eat. Go take a shower, put on something nice and I am taking you to a restaurant. Or else, anyway, we will take some good food and we will head some nice place, how about that? You need some fresh air and something else than waffles and energy drinks.” Clarke's voice was firm and Lexa decided not to refuse. She actually wanted to go out, the past week was just sitting in her room, hitting the keyboard, working, working, working, sometimes sleeping and eating with short breaks for shower or just using the toilet. She was dedicated to her work as fuck, twenty hours straight by the desk was something normal to her for the past seven days of Clarke's absence.

She did miss her girlfriend, her voice, her smile, her everything, but Lexa knew that on that trip Clarke didn't have much time to talk to her, so she didn't want to interrupt. She decided to take care of her thesis, because that was a good time for it. And, actually, she was right. She did more than ever, consulting things with professor Green, exchanging mails, phone calls and so. She even spoke to Raven once, because they started a debate about engine's boosts. A debate that Lexa won, but she was smarter and she had more ideas than before the talking.

She took the shower, put on her black tank top with red hand printed on it ( _We know_ , the words under were saying), then her favourite N7 hoodie she had for special occasions and she smiled to her reflection in the mirror. She really looked a little bit pale and tired, but she was sure that an hour with Clarke could bring back all her vital powers.

*

„I'm so glad that you actually agreed on going out with me.” Clarke smiled when they were sitting on the jetty by the water when Lexa told all the truth about herself to blonde, showing her all her trust. They made it simple, McDonald's fast food and coffee, a few blankets, nothing more. They were sitting on the jetty, covered with blanket, close to each other, just being. Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder and she was glancing at the moon that was shining that night. Phone that they just set on some music was playing _Forever's not enough_ by Soren Bryce.

„I have no interest in refusing, Clarke.” Lexa smiled, taking her hand and they intertwined their fingers. „I really wanted to see you again. I'm sorry that you saw me in such bad condition, I should've remembered that you're coming back today.”

„No harm done.” Clarke gently kissed Lexa's neck. Brunette slightly shivered, but not because she was cold. „I just really, really wanted you to take some fresh air. Sometimes breathing is the best thing you can actually do, sweetheart.”

„You're so forbearing, Clarke...” Lexa sighed. „That's... I really appreciate that. I don't think that I could be with anyone who would not understand how important work is for me.”

„I'm your biggest fan, Lex.” She smiled, sipping her coffee and gently stroking Lexa's hand with her thumb. „I want you to succeed. But that's not only me.”

„I don't really think that I could do anything without your support so far, Clarke.” Lexa smiled back, smooching top of Clarke's head. „I owe you everything.”

„Stop, I am blushing.” blonde chuckled. She straightened her back and glanced at her girlfriend. The moonlight was reflexing in her blue eyes and they were amazing. And emerald of Lexa's eyes was just mystic in this circumstances.

They were just looking at each other for a while. Short breaths between them, fire inside them. In this moment there were only them two, nobody else, nothing else. The night covered their bodies, their lust, it covered their thoughts.

„Clarke, I have to ask you about something... if you allow me to.” Lexa stated hesitantly, but she was hopeful that Clarke would say „yes”.

Blonde didn't have a chance to say anything, because her phone vibrated violently and when she glanced at the screen she saw Raven's name. She decided not to pick it up, but then Lexa's phone shouted with _Let there be fire_.

They glanced at each other and nodded. They both picked up.

„What the fuck is going on?” they asked in the exact same time. They glanced at each other again with smile.

„Please, come home, we have a huge problem.” Anya groaned.

„You're sure that it can't wait? We were having a moment here.”

„Please, Lexa. We're...” her sister didn't finish the phrase, but Lexa heard something in her voice. She sighed, seeing that Clarke had the same facial expression as she was feeling inside. She nodded.

„Okay, I'm on my way.” she stated and she hung up.

 _I'll have to ask another time._ She thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Yeah, Ranya to the rescue when someone is having a moment. Anyway, I hope you liked it. :) 
> 
> Also, thank you so much for kudos and comments, they're my life! You're amazing!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	90. Never do that again

„You have any idea what's going on?” Lexa asked when they were on the way home. "Because Anya didn't say shit.”

„No, Rae just said that they need help. Lexa... you think that something bad happened?” Clarke glanced at her girlfriend, trying to read something out of her face, but that was impossible. Brunette shrugged and she sighed.

„I don't know, but I hope that's not a problem with Costia, Finn or anyone else, because I am on the edge now and if I will be forced to face something like this I can't guarantee you that you will look at me the same ever again.”

„What...?”

„Reaching the dead fury in my case is very different than reaching my cold fury point, Clarke.” Lexa accelerated on the last line to her house. „I will kill them all and you'll see me soaking wet with their blood, panting with rage and hearing creepy music from inside my head.”

„Now that's interesting.” Clarke smiled, but it wasn't really sincere smile just because she knew that something was wrong. She hoped that her friends weren't in danger.

Lexa opened the door and she made enter of the dragon, trying to prepare for confrontation, but she just saw what she saw and she closed her eyes, turned around and hit the wall with her forehead, covering her eyes with her hands and shaking her head expressively, groaning.

„What the...” Clarke glanced at their friends and she freezed, not understanding what was happening.

„ANYA, YOU BASTARD.” Lexa groaned loudly. „You're calling me and telling that you have big problem and while waiting for us you're just having sex? Jesus fucking Christ COVER YOURSELF! Couldn't you wait? Was your libido that urgently forcing you to...” she sighed. „Can we talk normally? Just... I don't know, just... WHY YOU'RE GOING FULL PORN MODE.”

The problem was that Anya and Raven covered themselves as good as they were able to.

„That's the problem, Lex.” Anya blushed and Lexa carefully glanced at her, trying not to notice her naked shoulders and Raven who seemed to be ashamed even more. Maybe for the first time in her life. „We can't move.”

„What?” brunette's shoulders went down as she tried to process what her sister had just said.

„We...” she blushed madly. „We wanted to do something crazy and...”

„Bitch, please, don't tell me that you used a superglue or something...” Lexa groaned, and, even though the idea was crazy as fuck, she was aware that either Raven or her sister could have had this idea just because they were strange and unpredictable.

„No, we treated ourselves with piercing.” Raven joined the happy and joyful conversation, trying not to snap. „But we...”

Clarke interrupted her with huge burst of laughter. When Lexa finally got why she was laughing, she started laughing too. They both ended up on the floor, crying with laughter, while Anya and Raven were embarrassed sitting on the couch, naked, covered with a blanket, trying not to be rude, because they really needed that damn help.

„You want to say that you both got piercing in your vaginas and... you just... got stuck.” Lexa really tried to be serious, but she just couldn't. Neither could Clarke, she was just sitting with her back to the wall and trying to breathe, but she couldn't, laughing her ass off every time she just thought about what happened.

„Yes. Can you lend us a hand?” Anya's voice was begging for help. Lexa raised her eyebrows.

„Oh sure.” brunette nodded and she pulled out her phone. „I'll call the 911.”

„NO!” Anya and Raven jolted, wanting to stop her, but they couldn't really move, so Clarke started laughing again. „Please, don't. You have to help us another way.”

„How.”

„They want you to, you know...” Clarke finally was able to say something, even though it was hard for her and Lexa could hear that. She was too frightened about what her girlfriend would say to be amused so much as she was. „...to help them erm... undo what their rings had done.”

„You gotta be kidding me.” Lexa groaned. „And I am not doing that!”

„You have to help us!” Anya begged. „We can't...”

„Why didn't you unclench yourselves on your own?” Lexa raised her eyebrow and Raven snorted.

„Jesus fucking christ, Lexa, INDEED WE TRIED.” she stated. „The point is we COULDN'T. We couldn't... reach... perfect angle.” her face burned uder a huge blush and Lexa snorted with laughter, shaking her head with unbelief on it.

„You're hopeless, you know that?” she asked, crossing her arms.

„Yeah, we know, so? Will you help us or not?”

„No way, I'm not doing that.” she shook her head.

„Clarke? Please, you've always been the greatest helper ever...” latina groaned and blonde laughed once again.

„For what I know Lexa has hands more skilled than I have.” she smirked and this time it was brunette who blushed. „I won't be able to get my hands between you two, not to mention maneuvering the rings.”

„For fuck's sake, _et tu, Brute, contra me?_ ” Lexa groaned and Clarke's smirk become bigger. She winked and grinned.

„You're so hot when you're speaking latin, Woods.”

„Please, don't. It's not funny.” Lexa groaned once again, but she sighed several times and decided that she should help her sister and her girlfriend. Even if that was... weird. Really weird. „Okay. But I have one condition.”

„Anything, sis.” Anya nodded expressively.

„Never again and you're buying.” Lexa stated and even if it wasn't really understandable for neither Clarke nor Raven, Anya perfectly knew what that was about. She was devastated.

„No fucking way.”

„Then good luck in calling 911 and explaining what happened.” Lexa shrugged and she took one step towards the stairs, but Anya waved her hands.

„Okay. Okay, deal, just... just help us, please.” she groaned and brunette smirked, sighed and then she realized on what she actually agreed. Her smile evaporated in a blink of an eye. Anyway, she knew that she had no choice and she grabbed her silicone gloves from one of kitchen shelves, she put them on and she approached with face burning with embarassing.

She sat down on the stool and she rised the edge of the blanket her sister and Raven were covered with. Her ears become red as fire and Clarke smiled widely. Lexa was adorable when embarassed, but she tried not to burst with laughter, because she didn't want to embarass her more.

Lexa, however, felt strangely. For fuck's sake, she knew how Anya looked naked, because she was her sister, they sometimes, accidentally, bumped at each other when Anya was going out of the shower. Although An had never seen Lexa that way. But seeing Raven's parts was... strange. Or more.

Clarke observed Lexa going under the blanket and lighting a flashlight there. It was too weird for everyone there, Anya and Raven's faces were burning even more than Lexa's. And Clarke remained silent. At least she was trying to.

„Holy fuck, you're both dumbasses.” Lexa groaned after a little while.

„We know they are.” Clarke nodded. „If not, they wouldn't be...”

„You fuckers.” Lexa snapped. „When you're doing yourselves vaginal piercing, DO NOT EVER do what you've done. Rings you have are not suitable for these kind of piercings. Also, what the fuck, vertical hood and Princess Albertina? The worst combination ever for the couple that admires having sex like you two.”

„Do I wanna know why you know...” Anya took a deep breath, so did Raven. Lexa moved under the blanket and Clarke was wondering what was going on. „...how do you know the... NAMES.”

Lexa straightened her back, looking indifferently at her sister's weird face.

„I am a nerd, don't you remember?” she asked with disgust. „Also, the fuck, did you just... had an orgasm?” when Anya didn't answer, Lexa's ears burned even more. Clarke didn't think that it was even possible, but it obviously was. „Jesus, I hate you.”

„She's not the only one that had it.” blonde pointed Raven who tried to breathe at normal peace, but it was more than obvious that something happened.

„Can you give us... a break?” Anya asked, but Lexa clenched her teeth.

„Not a chance.” she stated. „It's more uncomfortable for me than for you two, bastards.” she stated. „And if you're gonna cum bazillion times before I finish, just let me know that you want me to call 911. Or die because of heart attack. Believe me, I would rather do that on your place.”

„NNNNNO.” Anya groaned. Lexa tried to maneuver the rings, but she wasn't successfull so far.

„ _Drinking mead in the halls of Whiterun, the maidens and the men! We swing our brew until we spew then we fill our mugs again! You can keep your filthy Skooma, it makes our bellies bleed, cause when we raise our flagon for another dead dragon there is just one drink we need... NORD MEAD!_ ” Lexa started to sing quietly.

„What the fuck, Lex.” Anya jolted, but Clarke was first to hold her down in the positions she was. „Why...”

„Because if you don't want me to go full Kai Leng's mode on you, I have to let off some steam, okay?” Lexa snorted, trying to focus on the task. She almost forgot about whose legs she was almost entangled with. And Anya made her remember.

„But why this.”

„Because right now I really could use some mead... or something that has higher percentage.” Lexa stated. „Okay, I will just get rid of them, because I don't know how the fuck you did that, but it's impossible to move.”

„Do what's necessary...”

„Lexa, Wick is calling you.” Clarke glanced at Lexa's phone's screen and brunette nodded and gave her a sign that if she could, to pass the phone. She picked it up and she held it with her shoulder, not even stopping maneuvering.

„Hey, is that an emergency? Because I can't really talk right now.” she stated, trying not to see Raven's orgasm face.

„Kinda.” Wick's voice was nervous. „Look, we need you. ASAP.”

„What happened? Something wrong with the car?” Lexa stopped for a while and Clarke glanced at her worringly.

„No, that's another kind of problem.” he said and brunette shrugged her other shoulder to give her girlfriend a sign that it was nothing dangerous with her work.

„So?”

„We need at least one person for the Overwatch match.” he stated. „And that's an emergency. We really need help.”

„Jesus fucking christ, Wick, really. You could find another one.” she sighed and rolled her eyes when she had finally released both women, threw the rings on the blanket and took off the gloves, stood up and took the phone in her hand. „I am not alone, I won't be playing when I am with...”

„What's happening?” blonde asked when Lexa threw the gloves to the thrash can. She covered the mic of her phone and she glanced at her girlfriend.

„Wick is calling me that there is emergency situation and they need at least one more person to play Overwatch with them. ASAP.”

„You can do that.” Clarke smiled, not even noticing that both, Raven and Anya, tried to function. She and Lexa started walking towards the stairs, leaving the two alone for dressing. „I can watch.”

„I don't want you to watch, Clarke.” Lexa hissed. „I want to spend time with you, but not like this.”

„Then teach me how to do that and count me in.” Clarke smiled. „I am not really a tank, but I can always be a support.” she stated and Lexa was surprised for a while. But then surprise vanished, blonde was smart.

„We can use support.” she nodded. „You'll make wonderful healer. And you'll get the chance to decide who will live and who will die.” she smiled, taking Anya's laptop with her and then she opened the door to her room. She spoke to the phone again: „Wick? Are you there?”

„Do you know now if you're available or not?” his voice was very hopeful.

„You have two people, how 'bout that?”

„Marvellous. See you on the server, lass.” he hung up and Lexa shook her head.

„Okay, so you would be playing on this.” brunette pointed Anya's laptop, successfully ignoring the strange sounds from downstairs. It seemed that Anya and Raven were putting the rings back on their places. „And I will be playing on this. You want to sit next to me or in front?”

„First of all, show me how things work.”

„No problem.” Lexa smiled and she gave Clarke her revolving chair for gamers. „Will do.”

„What will happen if they...?” Clarke pointed the floor, but Lexa shrugged.

„Then, without hesitation, I will call 911.” she smiled. „And I will teach them a lesson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hope you didn't expect this. But after yiur comments I think you expected drama on higher level, but... sorry for making you wait. XD
> 
> Thank your for all the feedback you've left, for all the kudos, you're awesome!
> 
> Also, if somebody want to, my discord tag is Nai#0806, feel free to write. Take care and until Friday!


	91. The finish line

„ _Young man came from hunting faint, tired and weary, what does ail my Lord, my dearie? Oh, brother dear, let my bed be made for I feel the gripe of the woody nightshade. Men need a man would die as soon out of the light of a mage's moon, but it's not by bone, but yet by blade, can break the magic that the devil made. And it's not my fire, but was forged in flame, can drown the sorrows of a huntsman's pain..._ "

„You’re in your world, aren’t you?” Wick pocked Lexa when she was in the lab, trying to focus on the task she was currently doing. The point was, she couldn’t, because there was a good distraction that was named Wick. „You and Clarke made really good team yesterday, you know?”

„Yeah.” she nodded, going straight back to clicking on the keyboard. „Look, is it important or can I finish this chapter without any further interruptions?”

„Widowmaker and Mercy, huh? Quite a team, I will say… lethal and the saint, geez, Lexa, you were amazing.”

„Wick.”

„Just tell me why this choice and I will fuck off, Woods. I was sure you would totally pick up Tracer this time.” he smiled and Lexa sighed, then she turned to him.

„Oh, that’s easy.” she shrugged. „To kill Clarke's wife.”

„She doesn’t have a wife.” he furred his eyebrows.

„See? Guess why.” she turned back to the console. He sighed.

„Cheesy, but totally understandable.”

Lexa didn’t say a word, because she was back to the task. She wanted to finish the last chapter of her thesis, hoping that if professor Green would receive the whole work that day, he would be able to check it out for the day after… or at least that week. She was sure that if he accepted it, she would be able to defend herself, like, in that month? She really wanted that. She was so thrilled that she was able to made the way through everything to reach this point. And she was sure that, apart from dissertation, she had to do one other thing. Even more important than her career there. But that had to wait for this moment.

„Hey, my Damage Lady.” she felt poke from behind and she turned around almost immediately, because she knew that was Clarke. Their noses bumped when she did that. Blonde smiled, seeing brunette’s emerald eyes hidden behind her glasses.

„Hey there, my Support Master.” she smiled back and she gently kissed Clake’s nose. They both smiled widely. „What are you doing here?”

„I assumed that you didn’t even have time to eat properly, so I brought you breakfast.” she lifted a paper bag with something inside and Lexa’s eyes became bigger. „And I know that it’s past noon, but I also know you. Am I wrong?”

„Totally not.” Lexa, with shame, tried to move the can with the rest of energy drink out of Clarke’s side, but she just couldn’t. Her girlfriend saw that immediately.

„How many of these have you drunk by now, huh?” she asked and Lexa blushed hardly when she just felt like Clarke was her mother.

„Like… about...” she stopped. „I...”

„Like three or four in previous two hours.” Wick decided that he would be helpful, but Lexa sent him murdering gaze and he shut up, but with wide smile on his face. Brunette wanted to just hit him, but Clarke took her for the hug.

„Lex, you can’t try to kill yourself, I need you here. And your heart on the exact place as it is now.” she poked Lexa’s body in the place her heart was pounding „Please, show some respect to yourself, if not for you, then for me, okay? Please. I know that learning is what you love and science is something I will never win with, but… please. Just please. Be careful.”

„I’ll try, but I can’t promise that to you...”

„So just give me the pleasure of being your companion for breakfast. Can I?”

„Yeah, sure.” Lexa nodded. „I’ll be honored.” and she just took all Clarke gave her to the table in the corner of the room.

She set everything and she unpacked the bag. Inside there were three big sandwiches, four croissants and two chocolate muffins and Lexa’s eyes started shining when she saw them. She finally realized how hungry she was all the time and her stomach reminded her that it still existed.

„Damn you, Clarke, you’re the real Mercy.” she stated and, not even trying to say something more, she just behaved like a wild predator trying not to look like she was starving. But she was and her girlfriend totally knew that.

„You know that you can’t make yourself starve, right?” she asked, sipping something from a cup and Lexa noticed that.

„Is that a coffee?” she asked with mouth full of croissant. Clarke glanced at her cup, shrugged and then she nodded.

„Yeah, why?”

„Gimme some.” Lexa reached out her hand, but Clarke moved her coffe out of Lexa’s reach. 

„Like hell I will.” she snorted. „When was last time you were sleeping, huh?”

„Some time ago.”

„When.”

„Six hours?” Lexa checked her watch. „I don’t really know.”

„I meant when was the last time you slept properly.” Clarke sighed and Lexa thought for a while.

„You mean… as in my bed?”

„Totally.” Blonde nodded.

„I think that my bed kinda doesn’t remember what I look like.” she blushed and Clarke shook her head with huge disbelief.

„Sometimes you’re just a big child, you know? I have an impression that you need a nanny that will tell you when you should go to sleep and what to do. So, maybe this time, when Wick is not around, you can tell me how many of these mutant’s piss in the can you drank? Back to the point you woke up.”

„Like… seven? Eight maybe?” Lexa wasn’t sure, but Clarke shot a loud facepalm when she heard that.

„Jesus fucking Christ, LEXA! It’s half past noon for fuck’s sake, you’ll gonna die before your thesis reach Green’s mailbox!” she groaned. „You have official ban on energy drink. And don’t you dare fighting me, because it will end poorly for you.”

„Okay.” Lexa sighed. „Actually, I am just finishing it, wanna take a look?” she asked and Clarke nodded eagerly when she saw Lexa’s eyes shining with excitation.

„Anyway, how’s Anya?” she asked after a lecture about something she had no idea about, but listening to Lexa who was talking with so much passion about something she loved was really inspiring.

„I think she’s good…? OH.” brunette got it. „You mean… she is trying to avoid me. Like, you know, seeing her vagina was so shameful. Can you imagine? She wasn’t really the first person I will suspect of feeling anything that can be even slightly connected to shame and yet, here she is, trying not to meet me home or anywhere around, just because she knows that I had seen something I didn’t want to.”

„Bold move, assuming that she is ashamed, Lex.” Clarke snorted with laughter. „Raven is doing exactly the same thing with me, but I think that she just… you know. They were less ashamed of us than of paramedics. Imagine them trying not to laugh when they would found out what exactly happened.”

„Jesus fucking christ, I need to go back to work immediately.” Lexa tried to stand up, but Clarke caught her and smiled widely.

„I think you should take a little break.” she stated and, after the words there was action and blonde kissed brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this is so short, but I have no life recently, as I am a Greenpeace voluntedrer on the COP24. Anyway, I am grateful that you're here, you're great!
> 
> Thanks for kudos and comments! You're the best!
> 
> Take care and until Friday!


	92. We did it so far

„So, your big day, uh?” Clarke smiled widely as she was standing outside the bathroom, waiting for her girlfriend to come out. Several weeks passed, Lexa finally got some sleep, she finished her thesis, professor Green said it was good and all was set up. That day was the day of her dissertation. She was nervous, and, if it wasn’t for Clarke, she wouldn’t be sleeping at all for the past few days. Blonde was making sure her love was in good condition. And Lexa was taking care of anything else, trying not to be too nervous and act normally, taking Clarke places to chill out; in the forest, by the water, anywhere where there was peace and quiet.

„Can’t say otherwise.” Lexa sighed, lying her forehead towards cool surface of the tiles inside the bathroom. She was already in her suit pants and she had unbuttoned light blue shit on, but she didn’t seem so eager to change the state she was in. Actually, she really wanted to evaporate, just because she started to be nervous as fuck. She tried not to it in front of Clarke, because she thought that was hopeless. She did the job, she wrote the thesis and now, everything that had been left… was just go there and do her best. She was prepared, Clarke helped her. And she only needed to prove that.

She felt her hands shaking, she felt her throat not wanting to cooperate. She felt like a vegan cookie among the hamburgers. She wanted to faint at that moment and not be forced to do anything. But that was something that was certainly not going to happen. Like, ever.

She started to button up her shirt and then she put on her jacket. Make up was already done, she braided her hair and she put on her glasses. She sighed, looking at the person who was in the mirror. She tied her bow tie and she smiled a little, the smile was nervous, but still, it was a smile.

„OH, COME OUT!” Anya hit the door with her fist. She was actually perfectly aware of what was going on. She saw Lexa before important exams or events in her life and she knew that her sister was just totally shitting her pants. Altough she knew that she had to do something other than complain and try to disappear. Lexa jumped a little out of surprise, but she sighed, because she was aware that it would finally happen.

She stood right in front of the doors and she sighed once again, shaking her head. She needed to be relaxed. She needed to know that she knew what she was doing and that her thesis was good. Green had already said that to her, so she was half convinced.

„I AM GAY” she stated, going out of the bathroom, hitting her sister with all the gay power she had. Also, with the door.

„Yeah, that’s not exactly what I meant, but full support here.” she tried to tame the nosebleed Lexa made. And she passed by, enetered the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Also, after all, she shouted: „Don’t you dare coming without me!”

„Don’t panic, An.” Clarke snorted. „We won’t move without you, somebody has to help me carry you sister out of your house.”

„Hey, I am totally fine.” Lexa said, but her voice cracked at some point and all three of them knew that it was poorly developed lie. It wasn’t convincing, not in the slightest.

„Bullshit.” they heard strange noises and Anya finally got out of the bathroom. She was prepared to do almost everything to help her sister do what she was meant to. Even with tampons in her nose.

„You look hilarious, sis.” Lexa smiled a little, shoving her hands to her pockets and trying not to seem like nervous pile of seaweed. But she was aware that there was nothing that could prevent her of actually not giving any hints of being one hell of seaweed inside.

„Watch yourself not to look like me once you have your title, Lex.” Anya snorted and she caught her sleeve. „Now, get you ass to the university. Nobody will be waiting for you to show up forever.”

*

„How do you feel?” Clarke asked right after Lexa was out of the room, leaving the jury for talk. Dissertation was pleasant, there was friendly ambience and, after all, the questions from observers made Lexa’s position on the topic even higher. She was talking about the engine and the car vividly, she stuck into the research, the experiments, she was talking about the coding and solutions she used while working on that, but she didn’t really mention the impact of video games that allowed her to develop the engine the way she did. All the topic was talked and drilled to the very bottom and anything could stay hidden.

Clarke was very proud of her girlfriend, she coped with all the questions like real scientist and she left no doubt of her competence and knowledge of the topic. And now they were out for a while and Clarke saw that her girlfriend was stressed out, barely satnding still, but she played confident.

„So?”

„A little bit nervous, but… I did what I could. If I don’t succed, that would be a great experience anyway.” she stated. Blonde nodded with a smile. And she caressed Lexa’s hand. „And what do you think about that, honey?”

„You were awesome. Jesus, that was beyond amazing, sweetheart. Also, I can’t even see that you were nervous, so, you’re a hero now.”

„Not yet.” Anya smiled, showing herself from behind their backs. „But once she’s a doctor, she will be.”

„Fuck, Anya, don’t scare me. If I die, I will never get to know if I succeeded.” Lexa almost snapped, but Anya waved her hand. She knew that her sister was nervous. Yet still hot in her suit, with her hands nonchalantly hidden in her pockets, she seemed to be totally chilled.

And the door finally opened. One of the professors from the jury glanced at brunette without any emotion on his face. Lexa stiffed, because she was quite sure that she failed.

„Doctor, please, come join us.” he said.

*

„So, I guess that it ends now, isn’t it?” blonde asked and Lexa smiled a little. They were standing outside the university, near the grass fields they used to sit on together. They were holding hands and looking each other into the eye. „Now you reached the goal, right?” she was a little bit sad, because she was suspecting that Lexa wasn’t be around anymore. At least at university.

„Clarke... the point is, I've always chased the dreams and things I never really wanted, the things that were needed, but not by me. The thing is I don't want to do this anymore. Chasing something that I don't feel is not what I am meant for. And neither are you." she stated, holding blonde's hand and caressing its upper ide.

"I'm glad you said that, Lex." Clarke nodded and smiled. "That's good opportunity to just do something with my life, other than pleasing everybody else."

"Definitely, love." brunette nodded too. She slightly smiled.

"So... you're a doctor now… what's next?"

"I don't know, I would really want to stay here, among students... maybe start another major? That would be neat." Lexa shrugged. She knew that she wanted that. Being around Clarke and around students was something that was defining her.

"You do like learning, don't you?" Clarke smirked and Lexa laughed, sticking her hair behind her ear.

"Indeed. But..." she stopped for a moment and Clarke noticed that she stiffed for a while. She waited. "... you know, that the situations that I've learnt the most weren't with my professors. They were with you. You taught me how to be a good person, a brave one, Clarke." she started again. She was looking blonde in the eye and her emerald clashed with blue which didn't really understand what all that was about. "I was hopeless and odd when I met you, also full of strange things and thoughts, very difficult to understand, even for myself, not to mention my relatives, my own sister. And you taught me how to live my life without fear, with confidence and courage I didn't have before. Courage that Costia was taking from me instead of giving me. We've been through a lot, Clarke, but we survived all the shit together. I know that this ride was hell, I wasn't really the best girlfriend you could have had, because I didn't support you properly... but believe me, I loved you and I love you all the time. Without you... I wouldn't be in the place I am now, with the diploma, with all that I achieved because I had and have the most amazing girlfriend the universe could give me."

"Oh, Lexa, stop it, I was just doing what I thought was right. I wanted to support you, because you deserved that like nobody else." Clarke blushed hard, but brunette shook her head.

"It's you who deserve the best, Clarke. I know that I have many flaws and that I don't always fit in, but all I want is to fit in with you. Because I love you, hence my question..." she felt her heart accelerating, but she knew that it was the moment. She couldn't do it before, so she knelt before Clarke, taking off her pocket tiny box and opening it. Inside there was a carbon dark ring, shining in the sun. "Will you marry me?"

"Are you... serious?" Clarke's eyes widened and Lexa smiled nervously.

"As I have never been before." she nodded, waiting for response with heart pounding in her chest as she was running two marathons in row.

"I... yes, of course I will!" blonde stuttered and Lexa got off her knees and she put the ring on Clarke's finger. She smiled widely, got her close and kissed passionately.

"I love you, Clarke Griffin." she whispered.

"I love you too, Lexa Woods." Clarke hugged her, not being able to control the tears. She was so happy that she wanted to shout.

"NO SHIT SHE DID THAT!" Anya's voice made the couple turn around. Lexa's sister was pointing at Clarke's ring. "You proposed!"

"AND SHE SAID »Yes«!" Lexa yelled with satisfaction and Clarke blushed. Lexa glanced at her once again, she smiled wider and her eyes were happy as never before. Their foeheads bumped gently and brunette cupped Clarke's cheek, gently caressing it. "Because life should be about more than just surviving."

 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, my dear, lovely and the best readers ever, that is the end of the story. Everything turned ou fine, but I think that was probably predictable, because Clexa deserved better. I hope that you liked it, it was hell of a ride, but that was one of the best. Thank you for all your comments, kudos and warm words, for being there, supporting, reading. You're the best.
> 
> And let me say last words here: may we meet again. Maybe around my another works. :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to write to me, feel free to do it on firepath.tumblr.com, I will always answer. Any ideas, any observations - I'm always open!
> 
> Thank you for being there.


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